Monday, October 23, 2017

This Week in Social Justice Warrior-Dom (Oct. 23, 2017 Edition)

Trigger warning activated! Our biweekly recap of everything that irked, irritated and aggravated SJWs is back with a vengeance!


By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

When I look to the West ... I see the end of Western Civilization

In his outstanding 2011 tome Suicide of a Superpower, Pat Buchanan said that if anybody wanted to see what America would resemble 50 years down the line, all they have to do is take a look at California. Indeed, America circa 2067 might look a lot like like the Golden State of 2017 - that being, a land where whites are a minority, Hispanics are approaching a supermajority of the total populace, the debt-ridden government has gone into default (with many principalities in full fledged bankruptcy) and a relatively small batch of industrial elites in San Franc's tech and L.A.'s media sectors effectively lording over a massive, multicultural throng of piss-poor people of every hue of the rainbow. When it comes to the scourge of cultural Marxism, there is no doubt that California - home to the foremost hotbeds of leftist insanity, UC-Berkely and the U.S. ninth circuit court of appeals - is front and center of the putsch against traditional American mores, and seemingly every week the state's politicians, courts and colleges do, say or enact something that seems to push California (and by proxy, the U.S. as a whole) further down the road towards authoritarian leftism.

Or maybe, what present day California represents is something even more pathological. Indeed, the secular progressivist state religion almost seems to be pushing for the expedited downfall of society as we know it. And yes, passing laws that decriminalize the act of intentionally giving another person AIDS (while also allowing people to donate blood without having to disclose they have HIV) in the name of LGBT acceptance is just the tip of the proverbial doomsday iceberg.

Do we begin with California's recently enacted Proposition 57, also known as the rather unwieldy California Parole for Non-Violent Criminals and Juvenile Court Trial Requirements Initiative, which went into effect earlier this year? With the state's overburdened prison system pushed to its maximum threshold, California's voters by a 2-to-1 margin OK'ed a measure that would reclassify several crimes as "non-violent felonies," so as to ensure prisoners would be eligible for earlier parole considerations. And in case you're wondering, under the new law all of the following have been downgraded to non-violent crimes: assault with a deadly weapon, solicitation to commit murder, domestic violence, first degree burglary, rape or sodomy of an unconscious person, human trafficking involving a minor, assault with a deadly weapon on a peace officer, and yes, even "exploding destructive device with intent to cause injury.

But what about those victims of cultural oppression who DO commit crimes California still deems violent, like homicide and rape in concert? Well, thanks to legislation introduced by Rep. Ted Lieu (D-Los Angeles), even they can avoid prison under the No Money Bail Act of 2017, which would make it illegal to hold any arrestee behind bars based simply on the fact they can't pony up the $1 million temporary-release fee for committing rape, homicide or mass terrorism. Sure, sure the whole thing is meant to protect destitute minorities who get booked on stuff like drunk driving and exposing their genitals to middle schoolers, but we all know how this shit is going to play out in reality. Raise your hand if you think Pookie and Rae-Rae are going to sit quietly and patiently in their own neighborhoods, waiting for their arraignment and subsequent court dates? Now raise your hand if you know Pookie and Rae-Rae are going to catch the first bus to Mexico the moment the po-po let 'em go after fingerprinting them and taking their mugshot? Boy, if only the California Legislature could see the Internet hoi polloi reaction on that one.

But let's not accuse California's legislators of forgetting about the children. Perhaps that's why Governor Jerry Brown - who has to hold the record for most nonconsecutive gubernatorial stints in the history of planet Earth - signed into effect a new law that would effectively remove all of the state's child pornographers and committers of misdemeanor battery against children from sex offender registries after ten years have lapsed, and remove adults who have patently gross yet non-rapey sexual affairs with children ages 11 to 18 after 20 years. Of course, one can imagine those numbers getting smaller and smaller once California's paroled and probate population quadruples - you know, since California is too afraid of being called 'racist' for sending armed robbers and gang murderers to jail - to the point that maybe it's just too costly to place people on registries of any kind in the Golden State. Hey, if Oregon will stop tracking gang members altogether - whose numbers and sheer volume of violent crime might suggest they are an altogether larger social menace than chi-mos - there's really no reason why California (perhaps sooner than later) wouldn't just let the kid diddlers run wild. And certainly, if there was ever a state legislature that would kick the bucket on legalizing pedophilia, it would be the one Hollywood calls home.

But this, I assure you, is just the beginning of the zaniness. The aforementioned Gov. Brown recently signed into law a bill that would make the whole dadgum state a "sanctuary" for illegal immigrants. Once the law takes effect next year, cops would be prohibited from enforcing federal immigration laws (itself a flagrant violation of the Constitution's Supremacy Clause), in addition to preventing landlords from reporting undocumented immigrant renters, making it illegal for employers to allow federal immigration enforcement officials to conduct workplace raids and even allow illegal immigrant students to keep attending California schools despite their parents being deported. Naturally, this will not lead to a sudden deluge of illegal immigrants flocking to California over night and putting more stress on the state's already cash-strapped social services budget, or lead to an uptick in violent criminals using the law as a de facto safe harbor when wanted for misdeeds and misdoings in other states. And let's face it - only a shameless, Mexi-phobic bigot would ever mull such in the first place.

And we're still not done, folks. The state recently enacted an update to its Health and Safety Code that would make it illegal for caretakers to "mispronoun" residents of senior citizen facilities, with those found guilty of illegally he-ing or she-ing geezers liable to spend a whole year behind bars. Then, there's the tomfoolery of our fine, gilded youth at California's most prestigious colleges, some of whom have decided that midterms exams are emblematic of white privilege and systematic patriarchal oppression and must now be abolished

It's almost like California wants to turn itself into some sort of third world, communist negative utopia - as if the political and industrial elites on the West Coast took a long, hard gander at Hugo Chavez's Venezuela and said "you know, that's actually kind of a good idea." The state almost seems to want to become a broke-ass socialist dictatorship, where criminals roam free because the idea of Hispanic people raping their own children and 180 black people murdering 180 other black people each and every year in Los Angeles alone is less unnerving than the perceived racist overtones of incarcerating people for their crimes.

California's politicians (and their Silicon and Hollywood financiers, naturally) are hell bent on turning the state into their dream multicultural, multilingual, multi-gendered and multi-sexed open-borders paradise, where cold blooded murderers have more state-guaranteed rights than small businessmen and where saying the word "nigger" or "faggot" will not only get you imprisoned, but for a longer period of time than people who commit arson or literally butthole rape a drugged victim


And, as the old saying goes, as goes California, so goes the rest of the nation. The Overton Window always swings left, it's oft-said, and the Golden State is unquestionably looking to slide that sumbitch as wide open as it can get it. And it looks like Cal ain't just content on infecting the rest of the U.S. with its pioneering cultural Marxist idealism - it's also on the cusp of killing us all with hepatitis, too.


SJWs, having learned nothing from GamerGate, continue struggles against virtual inequality

It might sound bizarre, but GamerGate might one day be considered the veritable Fort Sumter of America's Great 21st Century Culture War. Indeed, that represented the first time a sizable counter-resistance to the cultural Marxist/P.C. agenda came together, and was even successful, to some extent, in preventing its spread. Alas, even though the champions of political correctness ended up doing more damage to their own cause by taking their war on classical liberalism crusade to the domain of video gaming (in fact, more than one article has been written linking the rise of the GamerGate lobby with the eventual election of President Donald Trump), that hasn't stopped a couple of secular-progressivist, limp-wristed liberals from trying to, sigh, identity politicize video games once more. Over at Vice - yep, the same hard-hitting, journalistic titan that gave us a story last year about the oppression of gay ghosts - hit us with a one-two combination of virtual culture war tomfoolery. In an article penned by some fruit named Matthew Gault (who, judging by his staff photo, looks like the guy who's really into rectal recreation, if you get my drift) heroically declared "Orc Slavery Made Me Quit 'Middle-earth: Shadow War," which contains the following Pulitzer-caliber prose:
"... the game allows you to humiliate orcs to lower their level and make them more compliant. I pushed the button to shame Horza and his mind broke in my hands. He screamed in pain, gibbered, and said, 'When is my rest?' Over and over and over.
I tracked Horza through the forests of NĂºrn and found him near a cliff muttering to himself: 'When is my rest?,' he repeated in different intonations. He begged, he pleaded, he wondered aloud to himself. I pulled him close to me, dominated his weakened mind, put him in my orc stable, and immediately shut down the game. 
I haven't played it since. I can't get Horza the Dead off my mind."
Still, that pathetic display of self-directed Hobbit-privilege guilt is just small potatoes compared to the ire of one Jacob Dupe (which, interestingly enough, rhymes with "pussy," but I'm sure that's just a coincidence), who virtue signaled like a motherfucker over the cancellation of an indie brew game that allowed players to micro-manage a scummy Asian restaurant. 

"I'm all for people apologizing for misdeeds, especially horribly racist ones, but when a company whose name rhymes with bigotry says it didn't mean to offend, it's hard to be sympathetic," the brave, couragous Dupe states oh so eloquently in his not at all biased article "That Extremely Racist Canadian Video Game is Cancelled," which comes with the painfully neutral subheading "Get that shit out of here."

But far and away the most delicious volley in the latest post-GamerGate brouhaha revolves around the hit indie PC (as in, personal computer) game Cuphead, which apparently is too damn hard for casual (read: social justice warrior) game journalists, who have since gone on to lambaste difficult gameplay as a form of, you guessed it, player discrimination. Froth publication LeMonde took game developers to task for promoting and encouraging "skillshaming," while Complex decided to deem anything shitty players can't handle as oppressive "exclusionary design." Other shitty game blogs have demanded developers bring about terrible player affirmative action by making all boss fights in their games totally skippable, while the editor of Rock Paper Shotgun recently promulgated a ban on the word "gameplay" so as to not offend those with subpar eye-hand coordination and inability to make instantaneous reactions to split second stimuli.

Of course, one has to wonder: if these people are too thin-skinned to accept inequality even when it comes to the varying aptness of video game players, how in the hell are they ever going to work up the courage to literally fight for their ideals in the real world?

Now that is how you leave somebody completely and utterly speechless.

LGBT-WTF?

We here at TIIIA never want to be chided as being too hetero-centric, so I reckon it's worth our collective whiles to take stock of a couple of interesting items involving males whose entire identities revolve around taking Johnsons up their poop chutes and women - usually of the overweight and hairy variety - who despise ding dong and just love themselves some spirited rounds of vaginal tongue lacrosse. So howza' bout we quit all this yammering on and finally get around to sharing the rainbow, why don't we?

  • Hey, remember when that Christian baker told a bunch of butt pirates to vamoose 'cause he didn't like 'em dragging their Sodom and Gomorrah degeneracy into his place of business? Well, that's headed to the Supreme Court later this year, but in the meantime, something mighty interesting has transpired in Seattle. On Oct. 1, members of the pro-life group Abolish Human Abortion walked into Bedlam Coffee, which, as fate would have it, is owned by a homosexual fellow name Ben Borgman. Well, Borgman wasn't too keen on them waltzing around with all that "anti-choice" agitprop they had with them, and he immediately took 'em to task for being them there Christian people, who as we all know, are the mortal enemies of rectal penetration enthusiasts across the globe. So Borgman did the most non-ironic thing he could possibly do: physically force them out of the bakery after asking them if they'd be OK with watching him fuck his boyfriend in the ass right then and there. Strangely enough, there was no outrage from the media about Borgman openly discriminating against people on the basis of their religion, which is assuredly a rare oversight on behalf of the news and entertainment industry.
  • In jolly old England, 26-year-old Daryll Rowe has been arrested for intentionally infecting four men he met on Grindr with HIV. According to prosecutors, Rowe was on a mission to deliberately infect as many victims as possible, sending one of his romantic conquests a text reading "maybe you have the fever cos I came inside you and I have HIV, lol." The jurors also hear a phone call Rowe sent to another victim, in which he literally laughed his ass off telling him he now had a virulent, lethal and incurable terminal illness. And to think - if Rowe did this shit in California, he wouldn't even have to pay a fine.
  • In early October, BAFTA-award winning filmmaker Frank McGowan came clean about being sexually assaulted two years ago. "Some days, I can't get out of bed because I'm still gripped by fear," he told one publication. "I'll go to get up and I'll start sobbing uncontrollably." Indeed, the trauma of the rape was so severe, he said he contemplated suicide several times. Oh, and by the way, his attacker was a woman, who was given quite the harsh punishment for her misconduct: 120 hours of community service.
  • And let's not forget about the clam diggers! Over in England (again), Manchester-ite Becky Reid has been sentenced to at least 20 years in prison for starving and beating her girlfriend, Lyndsey Vaux, to death last year. According to medical reports, Vaux sustained almost 100 different injuries at the hands of her "lover," with one neighbor recounting to jurors what it was like watching Reid repeatedly punch and kick Vaux's skeletal husk for hours on end. Of course, nobody in Vaux's family said anything, because they simply believed Reid's explanation for why she weighed less than a junior high student and gushed blood out of her mouth every time she talked ... why, it was all on account of her thyroid condition.

But why limit our coverage to homosexual mammals? According to The Times, rumors abound that Jonathan - at 186 years old, the world's oldest land animal - has been engaged in a torrid 26-year-long tryst with another male turtle. Alas, there's some controversy, seeing as how researchers themselves aren't entirely sure what gender Jonathan's lover, Frederica, actually is. Lost somewhere in the media narrative, naturally, is the notion that Jonathan and Frederica are two totally different genuses of tortoise, which, technically, would make their relationship a form of bestiality in addition to a being homosexual relationship.

The New York Times declares "white nationalism" a greater threat to the West than radical Islam

As of press time, the estimate for the total number of people killed by white nationalists - i.e., the extremely vague umbrella term used by the media and academic elites to describe any Caucasian who doesn't spend at least eight hours a day lamenting the inherent sins of being the same color as lite mayo - in the U.S. so far in 2017 is an astounding five, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center. Meanwhile, Esteban Santiago told officials he murdered five people at a Fort Lauderdale airport to gain favor with ISIS, Kori Ali Muhammad racked up four kills all by himself in Fresno in a one-man race war against white infidels and a recent Islam convert in Denver offed a copper in the name of Allah a few months before that. Factor in the Muslim dude who stabbed a police officer in the neck at an airport near Flint, Mich., and quantitatively, it's pretty much undeniable that in these United States, in this specific year, the odds of getting killed by an Islamic extremist is just a wee bit higher than the odds of getting killed by some white supremacist ideologue. Alas, don't take that mathematically undeniable shit to The New York Times, who want each and everyone of us to know that seething, white hatred is a much greater existential threat to Western Civilization as we know it than the scourge of radical Islam, which has only killed a scant 11,000 people in over 50 countries thus far into the year 2017. "Far-right leaders are correct that immigration creates problems; what they miss is that they are the primary problem," writes Sasha Polakow-Suransky - a South African Jew, which means he probably knows a thing or two about the proper way to draw up apartheid ethnostates - in a screed titled 'White Nationalism is Destroying the West'. "The greatest threat to liberal democracies does not come from immigrants and refugees but from the backlash against them by those on the inside who are exploiting fear of outsiders to chip away at the values and institutions that make our societies liberal," he continues."Those who worry that a godless Europe and an immigration-friendly America are no match for Islamic extremists have ignored an even greater threat: white nationalists." Of course, Sasha never explains why it's totally cool when *his* people do exactly what he accuses Donald Trump and Marine Le Pen of wanting to do, and why his objects of ire Geert Wilders and Alexander Gauland  are objectively any worse than hardcore zionists like Ahad Ha'Am and David Ben-Gurion when it comes to prejudicial, anti-immigrant ideologies, but - asides, assuredly. "If the influence of white nationalists continues to grow, they will eventually seek to trample the rights of immigrants and minorities and dismiss courts and constitutions as anti-democratic because they don’t reflect the supposed preferences of 'the people,'"  Sasha concludes his article, apparently unable to interpret the only slightly palpable twinge of hypocrisy considering the chosen's proclivity for dismissing courts and constitutions as anti-democratic because they don't reflect the supposed preferences of the people. "Their rise," Sasha wraps up his impassioned spiel, "threatens to transform countries that we once thought of as icons of liberalism into democracies only in name." Which, to be fair, is a pretty great way to end the article. I mean, if there's one thing the Muslims are known for, it's having governments that wholeheartedly embrace liberalism and democracy, ain't it?

England gives convicted terrorist job as head of London housing council

I've said it before, but the pursuit of diversity simply for the sake of diversity just don't make a damn lick of sense to me. Indeed, I've yet to uncover a single report demonstrating that a more ethnically-racially-religiously diverse environment leads to a more productive workforce, or a more tolerant neighborhood or a more enriched learning space. In fact, there are actually reams of literature out there explaining how purported "diversity" programs only serve to make employees more paranoid, communities more antisocial and schools totalitarian ideological systems bordering on full-fledged identity politics theocracies. And then, there's the oft-unspoken reality that quota systems sometimes result in people who are, ahem, less than qualified, getting hot-shotted to positions of power they may not be competent enough (or even legally allowed) to wield. And few stories demonstrate the mind-blindedness of the "multiculturalism uber alles" ethos more than the story of Mulumebet Girma, who, until recently, was the head of London's Southwark Council housing department (an official government agency, it should probably go without saying.) Apparently, the agency was so happy to have an Ethiopian Muslim among its ranks that they even put Girma - who joined the agency as a customer service assistant in 2013 - on the cover of the agency's official magazine. You know, to demonstrate how dandy diversity is and everything. Alas, there's just one wrinkle to Girma's uplifting story of bureaucratic ascension - chiefly, the fact she spent ten years in prison after being convicted of aiding and abetting the perpetrators of the failed July 21, 2005 Tube bombing. Granted, you might be wondering how U.K. officials were able to gloss over the fact that they not only hired a convicted jihadi but elevated her to the head of a major government agency without once doing a criminal background check or even a ten-second Google search. Unfortunately, that's just how the diversity-at-all-costs brain is wired, I'm afraid - a mindset where it's considered worth the risks to hire people who might try to blow up the office, just as long as it results in a less white work environment, both pre-and-post explosion.

Hollywood exposed as haven of remorseless sexual predators ... again

Seemingly every day there's a new wrinkle added to the sad yet ironically hilarious downfall of one Harvey Weinstein, the big shot movie producer who has now been accused of sexual assault by virtually half the actresses in the Screen Actors Guild. Rose McGowan, that one chick who looks like a 12-year-old black boy, Dario Argento's daughter, Eva Green, hell, even Alice from The Facts of Life have all come out of the proverbial woodworks to say the Hollywood heavy hitter gave 'em the bad touch, and now even long-time collaborators like professional foot fetishist Quentin Tarantino are turning against him. But the plight of old Harv is but just one aspect of Hollywood's ongoing sexual abuse pandemic, as evident by the following allegations and accusations that have emerged as of late:

  • In early October, has-been rapper Nelly (a.k.a, that guy with the Band-Aid) was arrested for allegedly raping a woman while on tour with the country act Florida/Georgia line. Alas, barely a week later, Nelly's accuser has said she now refuses to testify and wants the whole case dropped, which would seem to be the death nail for the whole brouhaha. Sigh: you don't know how much I was looking forward to the inevitable trial, and the ample opportunities for off-color "it's getting hot in herre" and "must be the money" references ... 
  • There's this term called "projection," which basically describes how people seek to psychologically ascribe their own lamentable characteristics on other people and accuse them of doing and believing the very same things they actually do and believe. Count George Clooney among the most vocal anti-Trump celebrities out there, who in the past has chided the Commander-in-Chief for being, purportedly, a sexual abuser of women and a Mexican-hater. Well, now Clooney is having to defend himself against accusations of racism and sexual misconduct, with former E.R. actress Vanessa Marquez stating that Clooney was instrumental in blacklisting her after she threatened to go public with allegations of on-set sexual abuse. "I've name them. Pussy grabbers: Eriq La Salle, Terence Nightingall. Racial: Anthony Edwards, Noah Wyle and Julianna Margulies," she stated in a tweet. "Sexual (pussy grabbing) & racial. Mexican jokes EVERY day. Happened to all the women. They chose 2b victims. I fought!"
  • And if you thought the accusations of sexual harassment were bad, just wait until you hear what Kaya Jones, an ex-member of the Pussycat Dolls recently stated on Twitter. "My truth? I wasn't in a girl group. I was in a prostitution ring," she said on social media. "Oh & we happened to sing & be famous. While everyone who owned us made the $." Of course, we really can't say right now whether Jones is using the term "prostitution" in the figurative or literal sense, but her follow-up comments suggest something very, very shady was going on behind the scenes. "How bad was it? People ask - bad enough that I walked away from my dreams, my bandmates & a 13 million dollar record deal."
  • And there goes another big name agent. Tyler Grasham - who, interestingly, repped a number of child actors, including a few of the kids from Stranger Things - was officially shit-canned on Oct. 20 following Blaise Lipman's accusations that Grasham tried to drug and rape him when he was still underage. "APA Agency has kept this man employed, working with kid actors," Lipman writes. "I find it incredibly difficult to believe they do not know of his predatory behavior, using his position within the company to prey on naive kids."

Of course, one has to wonder if the next proverbial shoe to drop will finally blow the lid off decades of child sexual abuse allegations in La La Land. Corey Feldman has been rattling the saber for years now, only to be told by industrialist heavy hitters like Barbara Walters to "shut it down" on live television, while former child actors like Elijah Wood have come out and said that they have first hand knowledge of a secretive, Hollywood child abuse ring.  Rumors abound that Nickelodeon exec Dan Schneider (who once asked young fans to post pictures of their feet online) and long-time Disney director Kenny Ortega are the next in line to be exposed. Hell, there's even unsubstantiated hearsay that Joel Schumacher - the homosexual who ruined Batman - might be getting his much sooner than later. Naturally, this makes the mainstream media's brazen refusal to even mull the possibility that #PizzaGate could have even a few granules of truth to it all the more suspicious. Gee, now why would the entertainment industry be loathe to even investigate rumors about widespread child abuse cover-ups and multi-millionaire elites abusing their power writ large to commit hideous sex crimes against minors? Yeah - it's a mystery to me, too.

America's black community declares war on soap

Back in the 1960s, black empowerment meant exactly what it sounded like - it was a concentrated effort by extremely wealthy black people to reform and reconfigure federal law (and eventually, societal norms) so as to make blacks and whites legally equitable. Well, with equality in the eyes of the law now a given, today's black identity politicians have reduced themselves to waging warfare against entirely different modules of oppression - including soap commercials. On Oct. 8, Dove announced it was pulling a three second animated GIF advertisement from online circulation after professional Instragrammer Naomi Blake shared a context-less JPEG taken from the commercial showing a brown woman taking off a brown shirt positioned above an image of a white woman taking off a white shirt, which she - and thousands upon thousands of others identity-politics-obsessed racial grievance hustlers - agreed was a subliminal message promoting white supremacy. In reality, the brief ad showed a black woman, a white woman and a Hispanic woman each taking off shirts corresponding to their skin in succession, which doesn't imply - in any way, shape or form - that black people using soap will turn white. Still, that didn't stop pro grievance hustlers like Tariq Nasheed from nonetheless accusing Dove of promoting an anti-black agenda, who took to Twitter to compare the ad to a turn of the century soap ad featuring a black caricature being scrubbed into newfound Caucasian-ness. Which leads to Twitter user @Brianscelo winning this week's Internet Is In America award for Outstanding Achievement In Telling Elitist Know-It-Alls What-Fer. "Ya'll just wanna look woke and shit," he stated in response to Nasheed's race-baiting. "Stop trying to make it what it's not just to prove that you feel inferior. We know that already!"

Apparently, the force generated by the gravitational attraction of the earth and one's body is now misogynistic.

Breaking news: women continue to say incredibly stupid shit

The old stereotype is that females are more beholden to their emotions - and therefore, more irrational - than their male cohorts. And as much as the feminists might not want to believe it, actual science more than backs up the assertion. Neurological research shows that women have fewer connections within their left brain hemisphere (i.e., the part responsible for reason and judgment) and more neural connections to the right hemisphere, which is responsible for things like empathy and sympathy, than men. Further research proves conclusively that a surfeit of estrogen indeed clouds a woman's ability to reason and makes her more prone to emotional stimuli, while women's larger deep limbic systems make them significantly more likely to experience major mood disorders than men. So, with all of that biological data in mind, do we chalk up all of the following comments from incensed females as signs and symptoms of brazen, practically willful ignorance, or just all of that neurological ineptitude hardwired into their noggins?

  • With so many prettier celebrities talking mad shit about Donald Trump, amazingly unfunny comedian-in-name-only Chelsea Handler has largely had her derisive comments about the Trump administration - such as the time she called for a military coup to overthrow The Donald - overlooked, but a string of even-by-Hollyweird-standards absurd comments in which Handler suggested the U.S. jokingly(?) trade Donald Trump for Kim Jung Un briefly catapulted her into the almost trending section of the social media-verse. Which, yes, means that liberal celebrities think Trump is so much like Hitler that they'd rather have a guy the U.N. literally described as a modern-day Hitler as President.
  • You may not remember the name Lauren Duca, but she was the bimbette who penned that briefly viral Teen Vogue op-ed "Donald Trump is Gaslighting America" last year, which gained quite a bit of traction on social media despite being filled to the brim with woefully (if not maliciously) inaccurate "info" on alleged Russian hacking. She also went on Tucker Carlson's show and said Donald Trump was "threatening the sovereignty of an entire religion," which is proof positive the staff of Teen Vogue doesn't know how thesauruses work. Well, anyway, she misses her 15 minutes of fame and wants people to direly take note of her again, so she recently went on Twitter and said "limiting options for birth control and abortion turns women into slaves of reproduction. This is fucking war." Of course, by "limiting options," what she really means is "having to pay for her own birth control and abortions," which apparently is the same thing as having the government try to murder her and put her in a prisoner of war camp.
  • Recently, Google added a function to its ubiquitous Maps feature that told how many calories users may burn by walking a certain length. Alas, a deluge of incredibly thin-skinned and easily-triggered humanoids of the vaginal persuasion immediately took to social media to decry the add-on, with one detractor stating "Google Maps now includes calorie estimates & I really don't need this kind of judgment right now." Indeed, actual academics are already coming out of the woodworks to slight Google for "fat-shaming," with Stephanie Zerwas of the Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders at the University of North Carolina declaring "we've gotten into this habit of thinking about our bodies and the foods we take in and how much activity we do as this mathematical equation, and it's really not," she is quoted in The New York Times. "The more we have technology that promotes that view, the more people who may develop eating disorders might be triggered into that pathway." Because nothing says "we are truly empowered women" quite like crying over virtual cupcakes, I take it.

And in the most delicious display of liberal in-fighting since that time Black Lives Matter shut down an ACLU presentation, Hillary Clinton supporters are goddamn furious that the Women's March Conference has selected Bernie Sanders as its keynote speaker. I'll just run down a few of the highlights from the Twitter comment section:




Alas, Bernie's detractors got their wish, as Sanders announced Oct. 20 that he would be reneging on the conference appearance so he could tour hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico instead. Not a bad call on his part, if I may say so myself - I mean, compared to having to listen to a bunch of Women's Marchers, the hot air stemming from a tropical storm is relatively refreshing.

The dastardly white supremacist behind swastika graffiti at the University of Maryland turns out to be an old-ass black dude

Ever since Donald Trump was elected, the media has hopped at the opportunity to drudge up as many "hate crimes" as possible, which, of course, furthers their narrative that white people who won't bend over backwards for open trade and open borders are hate-filled Klansmen just champing at the bit to usher in the Day of the Rope. Unfortunately for the propaganda wing of the Democratic Party, a rather large number of the post-Trump "hate crimes" have been hoaxes perpetrated by aggrieved minorities looking to false flag their ways to first place in the Self-Victimization Olympics. Indeed, there were more than 30 fake "hate crimes" committed in between Trump's election and inauguration alone, with one online database counting up nearly 100 hate crime hoaxes that have gone down so far this year ... with the gross majority of them receiving little-to-no coverage once identified as false alarms, even though the media was more than thrilled to cover them when they were still considered legitimate incidents. Case in point? Students and administrators at the University of Maryland were freaking the fuck out when somebody spray-painted a swastika on a trash cart inside a student living center a few weeks back. Well, as it turns out, the vandalism wasn't the work of a hate-filled white nationalist, but 52-year-old Ronald Alford, a former UMD employee who just so happens to be, well, a bit on the black side. Alas, the cognitive dissonance skills of the aggregate UMD student is so poor, they can't even figure out that Alford was pissed off at his employer and trying to cause a ruckus by making everyone think anti-Semites were on the prowl. "I guess it proves that you don't have to be a certain race to hate people," said Maryland student Abby Gorun, who apparently got an F in epistemology, logic and every single critical thinking assignment handed to her since the eighth grade. "It's just you would think that someone, especially from a race that has been subjected to hate before, you think why would you want to reciprocate that to somebody else?" Forget all of the moral hysteria about "racism" on college campuses - if the student body at Maryland is a bellwether for today's collegiate brain trust, academicians ought to be freaking the fuck out over their kids' horrific inability to engage in even the most elementary forms of inductive reasoning.

Critics deride KFC for making Africans morbidly obese

You know, considering the fact that there's 233 million starving people in Sub-Sahara Africa, you'd think some people would be plum ecstatic that fast food joints are finally starting to gain a little bit of traction on the Mother Continent. Alas, the fine folks at The New York Times ain't so keen on the slow McDonaldization of Ghana in a recent screed penned by Dionne Searcy and Matt Ritchel, who as fate would have it, are both American and whiter than a KKK snowman. Of course, the lengthy tirade is really just another anti-private sector rant that bemoans the type of globalization they don't like for giving otherwise dirt-poor Africans economically viable ways to feed themselves instead of having to rely upon the U.N. and taxpayer-funded international aide packages, which even has the gall to cite the rising rates of obesity in Ghana (which, at 13 percent of the national populace, is still just a third the rate in the U.S.) as a public health crisis on par with HIV. Naturally, folks like Sania Nishtar of the World Health Organization see the popularity of fast food fried chicken in Africa as - what else? - a perfect opportunity for the "international community" to come together and finance wholly nonviable and insufficient government programs as a substitution for the woefully successful expansion of legit capitalism into a part of the world that, historically, has been quite averse to it. "Ensuring public-private investment should also be a top priority for this agency," Nishtar wrote in a dispatch praising the NY Times piece. "To drive new money, governments and the private sector must do their part. This may include improving diversification of crops to ensure the availability of more nutritious foods or offering tax incentives to better pool research funding into collaborative approaches to addressing obesity." Aye, spoken like a true multinational progressivist - who else would prefer poor black people starve to death under unsuccessful government programs than get fat as shit off cheap and readily available Popcorn Nuggets and Nashville Hot Chicken Zingers?

In case you needed another reason to never, ever visit the Democratic Republic of Congo ...

I think we can all agree that slavery was/is bad. Undoubtedly, what African slaves went through during the Atlantic Slave Trade was pretty damned ghastly, but by that same token, maybe - just maybe - the net positives of one's ancestors being brought to the United States instead of remaining in Africa might retroactively be worth it. After all, there isn't a single African country that ranks higher than 63 on the U.N.'s Human Development Index, and while the average life expectancy for an African-American male in the U.S. today is almost 73, the average life expectancy for the bulk of modern day Africans is 20 years shorter. And whatever qualms you might have about being black in contemporary America - where the average black household income is $43,000 a year and the number of black households with more than $100,000 in annual income has quadrupled since 1970 - it's probably safe to say that being black in America is a vastly sweeter deal than being black in, oh say, the Democratic Republic of Congo, where the average per capita yearly income is about $400 USD and almost half of the child populace is chronically malnourished. And if the 13.36 per 100,000 homicide rate wasn't enough to convince you to cancel your trip to Kinshasa, perhaps a recent-ish incident in Luebo may change your tune. A French publication received video footage of a mob execution in the Kassai-Occidental province, which purportedly occurred last April, which shows a young woman being raped, flogged and eventually decapitated in broad daylight while villagers cheer on her attackers, who are believed to be members of a rebel group called the Kamuina Nsapu militia (a faction so psychotic, the Congolese Army didn't even want anything to do with them.) But before they did that, they forced the woman at gunpoint to engage in incestuous sex with the son of her husband's second wife, whom was then hacked to death with machetes. Eyewitness accounts say the rebels then drank the blood of their victims, whose bodies were left in the middle of the town square to rot for two days afterwards. Now, as to why these two people were viciously murdered and partially cannibalized by heavily-armed insurgents? Well, according to the person who presumably leaked the video to European television, the woman gave the troops bowls of beans they thought contained pieces of a small, local fish, which for whatever reason, they thought was sacred and gave them supernatural powers. But if you think that's terrifying, rest assured, the projected national populace for the D.R.C. is only supposed to be 388 million people by 2100. And if you're worried about the negative impacts of overpopulation on the region and its native inhabitants, don't sweat it too much ... if immigration patterns hold steady, only 400 million Africans are projected to migrate from the Dark Continent to Europe by the time the 22nd Century rolls around. And of course, there's just one word for native Europeans who are apprehensive about the prospects of peoples who gang-rape and feast on the blood of innocent people for violating voodoo spells entering their homeland en masse. And that word, of course, is "racist."

... and a few headlines that speak for themselves ...





















Sunday, October 22, 2017

Double Review: 'Happy Death Day' / 'Brawl in Cell Block 99'

One's a movie about a basic blonde bitch forced to get murdered over and over again until she finds out who's trying to kill her and the other stars Vince Vaughn as a psycho prisoner forced to kill a whole bunch of Meskins so his daughter won't get aborted by drug runners.


By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

You know what my favorite part of any mass shooting is? When the media keeps asking itself why the shooting happened, as if there could ever be a halfway logical reason as to why some 60-year-old stockbroker grabbed an AR-15 and decided to shoot up a pre-K school one afternoon.

Call me old-fashioned, but does it even matter what the motives of a mass shooter are? His "rationale" for blowing away 57 people is wholly irrelevant to the fact that he voluntarily CHOSE to blow away 57 people and then went through with it. There are a lot of hate-filled psychopaths in American society, but even the most rancorous, vehemence-fueled maniacs usually tend to stop short of perpetratin' actual mass murder, if nothing else because they know it's going to end one of two ways: with either Johnny Law popping a cap in their ass or a SWAT team rasslin'  them to the ground so they can be placed in a cell block condo for the remainder of their natural life, getting fan mail from all sorts of weirdos who think it was so cool that they barged into that all-you-can-eat Taiwanese buffet and decided to turn 27 diners into Swiss cheese. Yeah, it sounds like a pretty peachy deal, until you realize they don't let death row inmates have the WiFi password, and the likelihood of getting rectally fucked to death is approximately 1,500,000 times higher than that of the freed population.

You see, hate or anger or rage or whatever nondescript terms the media like to throw around doesn't explain shit when it comes to mass shootings. I'd venture to guess that at least half of the American populace is chronically incensed, perpetually outraged and pathologically infuriated, but by that same token, half of the U.S. population ain't running around blowin' people's heads off at Denny's, either. Maybe they secretly want to, deep down, but there's something VERY obvious that's preventing them from fulfilling their homicidal urges. And whatever that prohibitive something is, it's clearly something all of these mass shooter people don't have, or at the very least, don't care too much for.

First and foremost, just about all of these mass shooter types are suicidal. They don't give a fuck if they live or die, and I'd surmise that's a pretty big factor as to why people periodically waltz into elementary schools with enough live ammo to stock a remake of the first three Rambo movies. But you see, these people aren't your average suicidal folks. No, they actually care about their existential legacy, and they know full well that if they go home and suck on a bag of helium or wrap their lips around an exhaust pipe, CNN ain't going to cover it and they're just going to get thrown in the dirt and nobody will remember him five minutes after the funeral service. You see, what these mass shooters ACTUALLY want is fame, and there's NO easier way to get your photo in the newspaper than grabbing a gun and making high volumes of people die at one time. The media absolutely loves that kind of stuff, and I've long believed that the 24 hour news cycle has done FAR more to exacerbate the explosion of mass shootings in the U.S. than the N.R.A. and Big Pharma combined. Over there in the Middle East, people embark upon mass murder for 72 virgins and a seat at the dining room table next to Allah. But here in the States, people embark upon mass murder for 72 hours of around-the-clock CNN coverage and the promise of their own Wikipedia article.

Just once - just dadgum once - I'd love to see the media stop harpin' on gun control and mental illness and take responsibility as the number one reason why mass shootings keep happening in these United States. From that Napoleon Dynamite-sounding Korean motherfucker at Virginia Tech to that autistic, probably homosexual dweeb at Sandy Hook to that old ass white motherfucker in Las Vegas, they keep killing people because THEY KNOW it'll make them celebrities, and instead of dying as a bunch of shmucks who never did nothing in life, they'll be remembered as the criminal geniuses who had the will and the wherewithal to off a whole shit load of people at once. 

Forget banning semi-automatic weapons, if you want to see mass shooting numbers plummet in America, you ought to be sending letters to your Congress-people demanding they pass a law that makes it ILLEGAL for the media to mention the name of mass shooters or show their faces on television or the Internet. If these sick fuckos KNOW they'll never get the credit for their handiwork and that nobody will ever know they existed in the first place, they no longer have the existential incentive to carry out mass homicide. Granted, you'll still have the occasional workplace massacre and Asperger's maniac bringing a handgun to chemistry class from time to time, but I guarantee you won't be seeing anymore spectacle mass murders where every lunatic in the lower 48 is trying to top one another's "high score" like they were playing real life Robotron or something.

It makes no damn sense to me. This is the same media that pats itself on the back for not covering teen suicides 'cause they're afraid emo 16-year-olds might get the wrong idea and slit their wrists open for Facebook likes, but they're completely oblivious to the idea that THEIR incessant coverage of mass murder doesn't just encourage people to grab a Bushmaster and go to town on a gay bar or the midnight showing of Justice League 4: Ambush Bug Sucks Lobo's Dick for Two and a Half Hours, it's THE ONLY REASON these nutcases actually go through with their homicidal plans.

If all you fucks at MSNBC and Fox News and The New York Times and Buzzfeed want to REALLY know why people keep going on mass shooting sprees, you don't need to do any investigative journalism. All you gotta' do is take a nice, long look in the mirror and you'll see clear as day why these assholes are so anxious to kill a whole buncha' people. You call it ratings tragedy, they call it publicity ... and as long as the stewards of Big Media keep giving these sickos precisely what they desire, these mass killings are destined to keep happening, over and over and over again.

So it's basically Scream meets Groundhog Day meets Heathers meets me running out of things to compare it to. Uh, Teen Mom 2, maybe?

Speaking of people dying left and right, our first flick of the week is one of the more ingenious slasher flicks Hollywood's given us in quite some time. Granted, I'm not saying that this here Happy Death Day is an all-time genre classic or anything like that, but compared to stuff like Scream 4 and Unfriended and Smiley, it's actually pretty damn inventive and entertaining.

Basically, what we're working with here is a horror version of Groundhog Day, except instead of Bill Murray relivin' the same day over and over again, we've got this one blonde sorority girl named Tree getting stuck in a perpetual murder loop 'til she can figure out which supporting cast member keeps choking to her to death in the school water fountain and yanking her innards out with a Bowie knife after football practice. So yeah, it's essentially yet another whodunit horror spoof, but this one's a tad different.

For starters, it's one of the more politically incorrect horror movies to come down the pipes in quite some time. We've got the head sorority bitch literally making fun of retards and calling black girls fat to their faces, and we've got not one but TWO bang-up jobs depicting Asians as the most stereotypical "bananas" in the history of film. Secondly, pretty much everybody in the movie is some kind of asshole, and therefore deserving of a grisly demise - which, of course, is one of the most hallowed of Jimbo's Ten Golden Rules for All Neo-Slasher Movies. And the horror to comedy ratio here is done surprisingly well, with the goofy stuff never really detracting from the power of the scary shit (and vice versa.)

So we've got this one sorority girl. She begins the movie waking up in the bed of some random frat boy, but she's too hung over to remember if he raped her or not. So naturally, she just asks for a couple of Advils, heads back to the sorority house, rebuffs her probably lesbo mixed-race roommate's birthday cupcake offering and oops, winds up getting her intestines ripped out of her bellybutton by some freak-of-nature in a hoody who's wearing a plastic baby doll mask (by the way, the fictitious college's name is Bayfield ... which, I suppose, is a portmanteau of Bayside High School from Saved by the Bell and he rape-tastic, real-world Baylor University.) Oh, and if you're wondering if this movie lays the Dear Colleague "rape culture" stuff on too thick, you might be pleasantly surprised by the film's glorious lack of identity politics propaganda.

So she wakes up in the same guy's bed again and slowly realizes she's reliving the same day over again. This time around she takes extra precautions to not get killed, but whoops, she still ends up getting dissected during a surprise birthday party. Well, by the third time she's reincarnated, she finally starts to get the drift of things, and starts making a shortlist of all the people she thinks might have it out for her, and yeah, it's pretty much everybody in the movie.

From there it's her basically running down all of the people who don't like her and fishing for red herrings until we found out there's this one escaped psychopath on the loose who just butchered an entire hospital wing and after killing her a couple of times, she realizes "oh, I get it, this guy HAS to be the guy I'm supposed to stop to get out of this time loop" so she resolves herself to finally put a pickax through his brain to end the movie and eventually she does but the next morning when she wakes up ... oh shit, she's still caught in the chronological doughnut. Anyhoo, she uses the extra time to, what else, make herself a better person and start talking to her estranged dad again and telling closeted jocks to go out there and get them some "man ass" and standing up for all the fat black girls in the sorority who just want to eat Twinkies and chocolate milk and THEN we find out who the real psycho killer is and ... well, it's pretty much the most obvious thing in the world, but I won't spoil it for you here. 

Nah, just kidding - it's her roommate, who's been jealous 'cause she's been fucking a professor she's obsessed with and has been trying to feed her poisoned pastries the whole dang time. Of course, it's not knowing who the killer is that makes the movie worthwhile, it's knowing how the killer gets dispatched, and I must say - this thing ends with one of the best paint-the-sorority-walls-red denouement bitch-fights in recent memory. Oh, you better believe these girls are going to  have to do a lot of fundraisers to pay off the property damage on this one; we're talking maybe a solid month of weekend bake sales and car washes, on both Saturdays and Sundays.

We've got 18 dead bodies (including one character who dies 11 times.) No breasts. One exploding police car. One hanging. Neck snapping. Multiple stabbings. Multiple bullet wounds. Gratuitous Teen Mom. Gratuitous "Ophelia." Gratuitous farting. Kung fu. Bong fu. Defenestration fu. And the thing more or less responsible for the movie existing in the first place - some serious cupcake fu.

Starring Jessica Rothe as Theresa "Tree" Gelbman, the snarky sorority sister stuck in a space-time loop who says lines like "don't look at me like I just took a dump on your mom's head" and "who takes their date to Subway? Besides, it's not like you have a footlong"; Israel Broussard as Carter, the obligatory sensitive love interest who finds date rape morally reprehensible and is more than willing to take a knife wound or two, even if it doesn't get him a blow job later that night; Ruby Modine as the Puerto Rican roommate who we think is all nice at first but actually wants the main character to puke her guts up after eating rat poison-laced comestibles; and Rachel Matthews as the bitchy sorority head honcho, who says "earth to Theresa, space retard" and even pantomimes the facial expressions of somebody with Down syndrome when she does it.


Written by Scott Lobdell - yep, the comic book writer from the 1990s who gave us Generation X - and directed by Christopher B. Landon, who also helmed Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse and that one Paranormal Activity movie where everybody's Meskin.


I'll give it two and a half stars out of four. Of course, once you figger out the whole murder mystery thing it ain't nowhere near as enjoyable, but it's got enough decent stuff in the middle to keep you mostly entertained, even on repeat viewings. Jimbo says check it out, but only if the local multiplex ain't playing the next movie on our double bill.


Not since the heyday of Charles Durning have we seen hyper-patriotic vigilante action THIS awesome.

All I'm going to say is that if there's a theater within 100 miles of you playing Brawl in Cell Block 99, you better catch the next screening ASAP. Not only is this the best vigilante action movie to come down the pipes in years, it might just be the first TRULY great movie of Donald Trump's America. This thing is already guaranteeing Vince Vaughn's enshrinement in the degenerate cinema hall of fame (I think it's in New Jersey somewhere), and it's only a matter of time until this thing becomes THE midnight movie of our generation.

The very first shot of the movie is a truck running over a Miller Lite can, so you just KNOW it's going to be manly as fuck. We've got Vince Vaughn playing this bald-headed guy with a Celtic cross tattooed on the back of his skull and he gets laid off from his tow trucking job and he comes home and finds his bony-ass wife sitting in the driveway trying to cover up a big-ass hickey on her neck. He reacts, as any of us would, by ordering her to go back into the duplex and having a boxing match with her car. I mean, he goes full bonus stage in Street Fighter II on that motherfucker, and it is glorious.

Afterwards they have a long talk about the dairy section at the local 7-Eleven (seriously, it goes on for almost ten minutes) and then they agree "you know, maybe getting a part time job as a drug runner ain't the worst idea for part-time employment." So flash forward 18 months and Vince's got a big old house and his wife's preggers. He gets called up by this one drug dealer who asks him if white people can say "nigga" and he puts Vince on a job working with these Meskins, but he's a bit hesitant because one of them looks like a meth addict on steroids but he agrees after his boss man promises him three months paid paternity leave. So the Meskins go scuba divin' for crack for about 20 minutes, then they turn on Vince and there's a big shootout with the police and one of the Meskins yells "get ready for 9/11 part two" and starts lobbing grenades everywhere and Vince ain't going to stand for it so he waltzes on over there and starts shooting the drug runners and he gets arrested and the judge puts him behind bars for seven years and we get this long sequence which shows Vince getting processed on the first day. This old black dude who shot two dudes in the head 28 years ago while he was on heroin gives him the lowdown on prison life and this one guard keeps trying to get him to join the prison's boxing program, but we never get Penitentiary IV because these goons break into Vince's house and kidnap his wife and the next day this Russian dude representing the Mexican drug kingpin Vince screwed over shows up and tells him they've got his girl and they're going to give her a black market abortion unless he repays his debt by killing another dude at another prison facility.

So that means he has to cause a ruckus at this medium-security facility so they'll take him to the prison where the assassination target is imprisoned. We get a pretty long (and shockingly realistic) scene showing the monotony of medium-security prison life, and then Vince decides to pick a fight with the boxing guard, and he snaps his arm in half and fights three more guards, eats some mace and billy club and gets carted off to a max security prison where the warden says the place is really more of a "minimum freedom" facility and his cell is literally a stone cavern. And there's a broken toilet with overflowing shit in it, so he can't eat nothing.

But you see, the guy Vince is supposed to be killed is held in the most secure part of the entire facility, so to be sent there he has to get into a prison yard brawl with these Meskin gang members, but since Vince is about a foot and half taller than all of 'em it ain't much of a fight. But just when they're about to start swinging bar bells at each others, the guards start firing shots in the air and Vince literally breaks another dude's spine with a bear hug and he roughs up some more guards and he's dragged into the titular cell block 99 with a burlap sack over his head and they toss him into the basement where there are literal torture devices everywhere. They strap an electro-shock belt around his waist and deep fry his kidneys every time he steps out of line and make him sleep on busted glass, and the warden gets sick of his shit and tosses him into a room with the four Meskins he beat up earlier and apparently they're in good with the drug lord who kidnapped Vince's wife, but he easily dispatches all of 'em and puts down a couple more guards for good measure. 

Then he gets the master key to all the inmate cells and it's officially time to make some Meskins pay. We've got a dude LITERALLY having his face grinded off on a concrete floor. We've got another guy's skull getting punted until it looks like a Jack O Lantern thrown out of a helicopter. And just you WAIT until Vince gets his hands on the big bad who ordered his unborn child's execution - having his leg bent 90 degrees the other way and having his head flushed down a septic tank are two of the nicer things Vaughn does to the poor sumbitch. 

Of course, there's more meat to the movie than this, but I don't want to spoil it for you. All I'm going to say is that the Russian goon and his Japanese abortionist buddy do indeed make it to the appointment, but since Vince's wife found herself a semi-automatic rifle, there's no guarantee the procedure ever takes place. And considering how irked the warden is over Vince's behavior, it's probably no surprise that he doesn't greet Vaughn with a warm cup of cocoa and a hearty handshake at the very, very tail-end of the movie. But again, I ain't spoilin' nothing for you - this movie is so damn good, it might actually be worth paying money to see it. 

We've got ten dead bodies. No breasts. Two exposed buttocks (unfortunately, they're Vince's.) Multiple kung fu scenes, including a battle to the death against a Mitsubishi. Eye gouging. Pistol whipping. Heads roll. One face literally sanded off. One head stomped open like a pinata. Gratuitous tire punching. Gratuitous bloody feet. Grenade fu. Caseworker fu. Night stick fu. Compound fracture fu. Full body cavity inspection fu. Electro-shock belt fu. Broken glass torture fu. And the thing more or less responsible for the movie existing in the first place ... some SERIOUS registered Republican fu.

Starring Vince Vaughn as protagonist Bradley Thomas, the principled drug runner turned prison assassin who says lines like "I'm sick of getting the skim milk and hoping love brings us the cream, because it won't" and "I didn't know H20 had a sexual orientation"; Jennifer Carpenter as his anorexic-looking wife who's too sick to hold an Uzi correctly when Meskin drug trafficker lay siege to her home; THE Don Johnson as Warden Tuggs, the constantly-cigar smoking prison head honcho who makes Vince take a dump in a hole in the floor and makes it a philosophical effort to allow his tenants the most minimal amount of freedom allowed by U.N. convention; and Udo Kier as the Russian messenger, who only shows emotion when he gets all giddy about the prospects of amputating Vince's daughter's legs while she's still in utero

Written and directed by S. Craig Zahler, who deserves an Academy Award just for thinking up the line "don't call me a foreigner - last time I checked, the flag wasn't red, white and burrito."

There ain't no question about it - this thing is an instant classic, kind of a combination of Ichi the Killer and Drive, with a hearty amount of Death Wish and The Story of Ricky thrown in for good measure. No surprise, but I have no reservations about giving this one a full four stars out of four rating. Jimbo not only says check it out, he says see it about three or four times and get it on DVD, too.