Wednesday, November 25, 2015

2015-16 NFL Power Rankings (Week 11)

Are you in, or are you out ... or can you even tell the difference anymore?

By: Jimbo X


New England Patriots (10-0)
Season Point Differential: (+141)

Neither Tom Terrific or the Gronk had to play particularly well - Brady went 1-1 on TDs-to-INTs and had 277 passing yards while the League's best tight end had only 37 receiving yards and no scores - to best Buffalo on Monday night. Give no-name James White the game ball in the Pats' 20-13 victory, as he posted both a rushing and receiving touchdown to keep New England undefeated. 

Arizona Cardinals (8-2)
Season Point Differential: (+120)

The Cards bested Cincy on a last-second field goal, in what turned out to be a 34-31 Sunday night slugfest. Carson Palmer continues to impress, as he wrapped up the contest with 317 yards and four TD passes to four separate receivers. Those two interceptions, though...

Carolina Panthers
Season Point Differential: (+108)

Cam Newton looked downright superhuman in the Panthers' 44-16 win over the Skins. Going 21-for-34, he finished the game with 246 yards, zero interceptions and FIVE touchdowns (all of which, it should be noted, landed in the mitts of different receivers.) Lost in the stellar performance, however, is the equally impressive play by Carolina's defenders, who limited Washington to just 221 total yards on the day (including an embarrassingly low 14 yards rushing.)

Cincinnati Bengals (8-2)
Season Point Differential: (+80)

The Bengals were competitive, but their defense just didn't have enough gas in the tank to prevent Carson Palmer from engineering a one-minute, game-winning drive downfield in the waning seconds of the fourth. Andy Dalton did play a lot better than his Monday night contest against Houston, though, as he racked up 315 yards and two touchdowns. 

Kansas City Chiefs (5-5)
Season Point Differential: (+59)

Don't look now, but the Chiefs have slowly transformed into an offensive and defensive juggernaut over the last few weeks. In their 33-3 dismantling of hated divisional foes San Diego over the weekend, the KC run game posted three scores and 153 yards, while limiting the Chargers rushing attack to just 52 yards. Although Alex Smith lobbed not touchdowns, he nonetheless went 20-for-25 on pass attempts, ultimately collecting 253 yards at the final whistle. 

Green Bay Packers (7-3)
Season Point Differential: (+51)

After two tough losses, the Packers bounced back in a big way, reclaiming the top slot in the NFC North via a 30-13 ass-kicking of arch-rivals Minnesota. Although A-Rod only went 16 for 34 on pass attempts, at least two of those wound up in the end zone; while Green Bay didn't do much to stop the Vikings' passing attack, they did do a fairly good job stopping their rushing attack, limiting their foes to only 94 yards and a solo A.P. TD on the ground. 

Pittsburgh Steelers (6-4)
Season Point Differential: (+45)

The Steelers had a bye on Sunday, as they gear up for a Super Bowl XL rematch against the Seahawks this weekend. Averaging 384.9 yards per game, they possess the League's sixth-best offense at this juncture in the season; allowing 371.4 yards per contest, they have the 23rd ranked defense in the NFL. 

Denver Broncos (8-2)
Season Point Differential: (+39)

No Peyton, no probem! Back-up QB Brock Osweiler actually played quite well in Denver's 17-15 win against Chicago, as he threw two touchdown passes and racked up 250 yards (which evens out to just 219, once you factor in those five sacks, though.) The run game definitely gave Denver an advantage in this one; their combined backs put up 102 yards, while the Broncos' D limited Chicago to just 86 yards on the turf. 


Atlanta Falcons (6-4)
Season Point Differential: (+36)

Things are not looking good for Falcons fans at this point. After a quick 5-0 start, Atlanta has fallen to a 6-4 record, with their latest loss being a 24-21 heartbreaker against the Colts. Matt Ryan, as often the case, was a mixed bag; while he tossed three touchdown passes for 280 yards, he also lobbed three costly interceptions, including a pick six to D'Qwell Jackson. 

Seattle Seahawks (5-5)
Season Point Differential: (+36)

Russell Wilson had his best game in a long time, as he lobbed three touchdown passes for 260 yards in Seattle's 29-13 win over San Fran.The real star of the show, however, had to have been back Thomas Rawls, who posted 209 yards and a touchdown on 30 carries. Uh, Beast Mode-who, guys?

Minnesota Vikings (7-3)
Season Point Differential: (+27)

Despite his TD run, Adrian Peterson wasn't much of a factor in the Vikes' 30-13 loss to the Packers over the weekend. AP finished the game with 45 yards on 13 carries, while Terry Bridgewater passed for 296 yards and a single TD. Alas, Mr. Bridgewater also got slammed all evening long; at the the final count, the Packers defense sacked him no less than six times, for a cumulative -48 yards. 

New York Jets (5-5)
Season Point Differential: (+36)

In the Jets. 24-17 loss to the Texans, Ryan Fitzpatrick had one touchdown, two interceptions and 216 yards on 19 completions (though you can roll back his yardage to just 197, factoring in the lost ground due to sacks.) Proving yet again that teams who can run the ball can run the entire game, New York finished the contest with 70 yards on 21 carries, while Houston posted 123 yards on 37 runs. 

New York Giants (5-5)
Season Point Differential: (+30)

The Giants took the week off, as they next do battle with divisional foes Washington on Sunday. Averaging 356.9 yards per game, they have the League's 14th-ranked offense; allowing 420.9 yards, however, the also have the second worst defense in pro football. 

Buffalo Bills (5-5)
Season Point Differential: (+17)

The Bills made it tough for the Pats to hit pay-dirt - in fact, they were pretty much the only team so far this season to neutralize Gronkowski as a deep threat - but even with T-Mobile playing well, Buffalo just couldn't get their offense rolling. Hence, their 20-13 Monday night defeat. 

Philadelphia Eagles (4-6)
Season Point Differential: (0)

There are demoralizing losses, and then there is the 45-17 hurtin' the Bucs put on the Eagles. With Mark Sanchez going two-for-three in the TD-to-INT ratio, he wrapped up the game with 261 passing yards; alas, their run defense absolutely tanked, allowing Tampa Bay back Doug Martin to absolutely mow down the field for 235 yards on 27 carries. And that STILL wasn't the worst defensive aspect of the game, because...

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-5)
Season Point Differential: (-18)

...holy shit, did Jameis Winston look like an absolute pimp against Philly on Sunday. While going 19 for 29 on pass attempts for 246 yards is in and of itself quite impressive, that ain't shit compared to the former FSU star lobbing FIVE touchdown passes to five separate receivers. Throw in Doug Martin's 235-yard day, and folks, we might just have an emerging offensive powerhouse on our hands...


Oakland Raiders (4-6)
Season Point Differential: (-19)

For some inexplicable reason, the Raiders' offense decided to go into hibernation on Sunday, as the formerly-explosive Derek Carr racked up a paltry 169 yards on 13 completions, sans anything even remotely resembling a touchdown in an 18-13 loss to the Lions. The run game sucked as well, as the Raiders' rushers combined for a piss poor 50 yard total. 

Houston Texans (5-5)
Season Point Differential: (-20)

How about them Texans? The two-headed tandem of T.J. Yates and Cecil Shorts III had three touchdown passes and a cumulative 241 yards in Houston's 24-17 win over the Jets. DeAndre Hopkins looked especially impressive: on five receptions, he racked up 118 yards and two trips to the end zone. 

St. Louis Rams (4-6)
Season Point Differential: (-20)

Going 12 for 26 for 136 yards and a solo TD, Case Keenum had a day to forget in the Rams' 16-13 loss to Baltimore. While Todd Gurley looked all right (66 yards and a TD on 25 carries), nobody else on the offensive side of the ball seemed to get things going for St. Louis. The defense fared even worse, letting the lackluster Ravens' O combine for 388 total yards. 

Baltimore Ravens (3-7)
Season Point Differential: (-23)

It is the definition of a Pyrrhic victory; although Baltimore did indeed win Sunday's contest against St. Louis, the 16-13 victory came with a heavy cost - the loss of QB Joe Flacco for the rest of the season. Starting for Baltimore this Sunday? None other than Matt "Pick Six" Schaub ... so yeah, right about now is a good time to start drinking, Ravens' faithful.

Indianapolis Colts (5-5)
Season Point Differential: (-24)

With the ageless Matt Hasselback filling in for Andrew Luck, the Colts bounced back to beat the Falcons 24-21 over the weekend. Going two-for-two on the TD-to-INT ratio, the former Seahawks gunslinger finished the game with 213 yards; meanwhile, former Packer Ahmad Bradshaw put 14 points on the board, while the Colts' D kept Atlanta's top-tier rushing attack at only 100 yards and no scores. 

Washington Redskins (4-6)
Season Point Differential: (-32)

There is really not a lot of solace the 'Skins can take in their 44-16 throttling at the hands of Cam Newton and the Panthers. With just 14 rushing yards - and passing game that evens out to only 172 yards once you factor in the five times Kirk Cousins got sacked - the offense undeniably looked lackluster ... and that's WITHOUT taking into consideration the team's four fumbles, either. 

Chicago Bears (4-6)
Season Point Differential: (-37)

Going 18-for-32 with no touchdowns, Jay Cutler played fairly mediocre against the Broncos in their 17-15 loss. Though Bears receivers racked up plenty of yardage (Marquess Wilson alone had 102 yards on four receptions), those impressive metrics don't really add up to a hill of beans unless they convert into points; only back Jeremy Langford, who had 25 yards on 13 carries, got anywhere close to an end zone for Chi-Town. 

Dallas Cowboys (3-7)
Season Point Differential: (-38)

In his return, Tony Romo went 18 for 28, with 227 yards and a two-TD/two-INT split. But much more importantly, he led the Cowboys to their first substantial win of the season, as they bested Miami 24-14. Oh, and Darren McFadden had 129 yards on 29 carries ... raise your hand if you thought this dude would have more yards than Latavius Murray this past week?


Miami Dolphins (4-6)
Season Point Differential: (-44)

Woo howdy, did the Fins play like shit on Sunday. In their 24-14 loss to Dallas, Ryan Tannehill threw for 188 yards (just 140, accounting for the -48 yards in sacks, though), while the Dolphins backs chalked up a low 70 yards on 14 carries. 

Tennessee Titans (2-8)
Season Point Differential: (-51)

With 22 completions and 231 yards, Titans' QB Marcus Mariota couldn't do much in his team's 19-13 loss to the Jags (although he did have a scrambling touchdown, if that means anything ... which it doesn't.) Delanie Walker, however, did have some pretty decent stats - on eight receptions, he finished the game with 109 yards, but no trips to the end zone. 

Jacksonville Jaguars (4-6)
Season Point Differential: (- 57)

Blake Bortles went one-for-one in touchdowns-to-interceptions thrown, which apparently was good enough to give the Jaguars the 19-13 win over Tennessee. With 21 completions, he finished the affair with 242 yards - his top target, Allen Robinson, concluded the contest with an impressive 113 yards on five receptions. 

New Orleans Saints (4-6)
Season Point Differential: (-60)

Following a bye, the Saints visit Houston next week for a clash against the Texans. The proverbial Harvey Dent of the National Football League, the Saints are a complete contradiction, stats-wise. Averaging 414.5 yards per game, they have the second best offensive numbers in the NFL  - alas, ALLOWING 424.3 yards per contest, they also possess the absolute worst defense in professional football. 

San Diego Chargers (2-8)
Season Point Differential: (-69)

Unfortunately for Philip Rivers, the only touchdown pass he threw in San Diego's 33-3 drubbing was to KC defender Justin Houston, who promptly returned the pigskin for six points on the board. At the final horn, San Diego barely had 200 total offensive yards - factoring in yardage lost to sacks, they posted 149 passing and only 52 rushing.

Detroit Lions (3-7)
Season Point Differential: (-89)

Hold the phone, fellas, the DETROIT SUPER LIONS are the winners of back-to-back contests! In their 18-13 win over the Raiders, Matt Stafford posted 282 yards on 22 completions, while Calvin Johnson, Golden Tate and Theo Riddick united for over 230 yards (but no end zone visitations, strangely enough.)

Cleveland Browns (2-8)
Season Point Differential: (-91)

Next week's Cleveland/Baltimore contest features two teams with a combined win-loss record of 5-15; if you're fearful of an ISIS attack over the weekend, I'd recommend attending that game, since nobody in their right mind would pay money to be there. 

San Francisco 49ers (3-7)
Season Point Differential: (-113)

Yeah, looks like THE BLAINE GABBERT just didn't have it in him to work two miracles back-to-back. In the Niners' 29-13 loss to the Seahawks, he had 264 passing yards (plus 22 on the ground) with only a single TD throw. The run game numbers tell you everything you need to know about why San Fran dropped this 'un: while the 49ers finished the game with 59 yards on 16 carries, the Seahawks posted 255 on 40 rushes. 

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play from Week 11's Raiders vs. Lions Game

By: Jimbo X

10:27 a.m. -- Hello once again, Raider Nation. LIVE play-by-play coverage of today's Raiders vs. Lions game begins at 1 p.m. Be sure to refresh your browser, as updates will be coming your way during every commercial break.

12:39 p.m. -- Charles Woodson and D.J. Hayden are both probable for the game. Lee Smith is a game-time decision. For the Lions, Calvin Johnson and Joique Bell are both probable.

12:57 p.m. -- The 2-7 Lions are coming off a huge upset of the Packers. Meanwhile, the 4-5 Raiders are still licking their wounds from last week's 30-14 goring at the hands of the Vikings, who ran all over Oakland's secondary ... at one point, allowing A.P. to set the O.Co turf ablaze with an 80-yard TD.

1:01 p.m. -- We are coming to you LIVE from Ford Field in Detroit. It's a homecoming for Raiders' CB Charles Woodson, who won a Heisman back in the day for the Wolverines.

1:02 p.m. -- Detroit receives the ball first. They begin their first drive around their own 20.

1:03 p.m. -- A new set of downs for DET, but there is a flag. The Lions turn it down. A huge run puts DET at the 50 yard-line.

1:05 p.m. -- DET converts. Flags everywhere on an obvious offsides against the Lions. That makes it first and 15. And DET has enough for a new set of downs. They are at the Raiders' 40.

1:07 p.m. -- And the Lions march down to the OAK 10. About five yards on a first down DET run. 

1:09 p.m. -- Third down and two coming up. Abdullah makes it a first and goal situation.

1:10 p.m. -- Second and goal. Lions get dropped behind the line, and there is a holding penalty. That makes it second and goal at the OAK 10. 

1:12 p.m. -- The Lions drop a TD catch in the end zone, setting up third and goal. AND DET CANNOT FIND THE END ZONE. Some great red zone defense from the Raiders here. 

1:13 p.m. -- And Detroit strikes first with a field goal. 3-0, Lions.

1:17 p.m. -- Oakland begins at their own 20. The Raiders get about 15 on their first play. And Latavius follows that up with a six yard run.

1:19 p.m. -- Third and four coming up. And Taiwan Jones almost gets a first down on a weird busted play. Flags everywhere. Fourth and two, so Oakland has to punt it away. DET will take over around their own 20.

1:25 p.m. -- DET find themselves at midfield. And Calvin hauls it to the Raiders' 30. 

1:26 p.m. -- Stafford scrambles for five yards. And DET should have enough for a new set of downs.

1:28 p.m. -- DET already has 137 yards on the day. Second and nine situation. And holy shit, the name of the Lions' offensive coordinator is Jim Bob Cooter. I swear, I am NOT making that up.

1:29 p.m. -- Another dropped end zone TD for the Lions makes it 3 and 9. AND STAFFORD GETS SACKED!

1:30 p.m. -- Matt Prater lines up for the kick. 6-0, Detroit, with thirty seconds left in the first quarter.

1:33 p.m. -- The Raiders start at their own 15. Marcel Reece rips off a six-yard run, and that marks the end of the first quarter. And Latavius runs for the first. But he gets dropped for about a three yard loss on the next play.

1:39 p.m. -- Clive Walford picks up about 15 yards on a zip down the middle. Murray gets six yards on the follow-up run.

1:40 p.m. -- Third and four coming up. Flags are down. Delay of game call against the Raiders makes it a third and nine at midfield.


1:43 p.m. -- Marquette King punts it away, and the Lions will begin within their own 10.

1:44 p.m. -- I didn't even mention Aldon Smith getting banned a year, have I? By the way, Crabtree was DEFINITELY in bounds on that last play.

1:46 p.m. -- Third and one coming up. And Detroit cannot make it to the first down marker. Out comes the Lions' punting unit. 

1:47 p.m. -- OAK takes it to the 40, but there is a flag on the play. It's an illegal formation call on Detroit. 

1:50 p.m. -- Murray dropped behind the line on first down. Second and 11. And Crabtree rumbles to make it and third and three.

1:52 p.m. -- AND COOPER BOBBLES THE FIRST DOWN PICK-UP. Out comes King, again.

1:54 p.m. -- DET at their own 15. Second and nine. A Raiders blitz forces third and nine. It is close, but the Lions do not have enough to move the chains. Fourth and one, so DET punts it away. OAK begins at their own 25.

2:00 p.m. -- Crabtree gets about eight on a quick strike. And Murray finds a huge hole in the secondary and blazes out to midfield.

2:01 p.m. -- Murray gets about four on first down. Crabtree cannot reel it in, so it is third and six. 

2:02 p.m. -- And Walford pulls it in to finally put OAK in Lions' territory.

2:03 p.m. -- Murray gets dropped for what may be as much as five yards. We've got a third and 13 coming up. And Crabtree looks shaken up. And Cooper has a man in front of him. Fourth and 13.

2:05 p.m. -- And Detroit will take over around their own 15. 

2:06 p.m. -- Second and 10. And now, a third and one, with three seconds to go before the two minute warning.

2:10 p.m. -- And the Lions convert. 1:30 to go, and DET is at midfield.

2:11 p.m. -- Second and 10, with 1:06 to go in the half. Prater is whiffing a few practice kicks on the sideline.

2:12 p.m. -- And Stafford gets sacked to make it a third and 15. Megatron pushes DET well within field goal range with about thirty seconds left. And DET takes a timeout. 

2:14 p.m. -- Second and 14, with fifteen seconds to go. And an intentional grounding call on DET pushes them back even further.

2:15 p.m. -- Second and twenty. DET has one timeout left, and the ball is at the 35 yard line. 

2:16 p.m. -- Third and eighteen. Eleven seconds left. Stafford overthrows it. Fourth and 18 coming up, with five seconds left.

2:17 p.m. -- Prater going for a 51-yarder. And OAK takes a timeout. And Fat Prat is good. 9-0, Lions, with two seconds left in the half.

2:19 p.m. -- And that is it for the first half of play. Yardage count estimates after 30 minutes? Detroit, 218, Oakland, 91. 

2:34 p.m. -- Raiders get the ball first to begin the third. OAK will begin the next drive at their own 20.

2:35 p.m. -- And Seth Roberts hauls in a 40 yard BOMB from Derek Carr to put the Raiders in Lions territory. 

2:36 p.m. -- Second and eight. Murray goes nowhere. 

2:37 p.m. -- Third and eight. You got to be thinking pass here. And Carr chucks an INT. But a holding call against DET negates it. First and 10 for OAK at the DET 30. And Crabtree hauls it in to take the Raiders to the 15 yard line.

2:39 p.m. -- Second and ten. Cooper runs for about four. Third and six coming up.

2:40 p.m. -- AND CARR SCRAMBLES FOR A FIRST DOWN. That gives OAK a first and goal.

2:41 p.m. -- Third and goal coming up. Rodney Hudson looks shaken up.

2:44 p.m. -- TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Murray with a six yard dash into the end zone. And a Janikowksi kick makes it a 9-7 game. 

2:48 p.m. -- The Lions take over at their 20. Second and six. And Megatron can't haul in the first down catch. Third and six. AND STAFFORD IS GOBBLED UP FOR A LOSS. 

2:50 p.m. -- Alas, there is a holding call on OAK, which gives DET a new set of downs.

2:51 p.m. -- And the Raiders' D drops the back for a one yard loss. Third and five upon us. 

2:52 p.m. -- AND STAFFORD GETS SACKED AGAIN! Fourth and 14, and out comes the punting unit.

2:53 p.m. -- Looks like the Raiders will get the ball back around their own 40.

2:55 p.m. -- Crabtree picks up six yards on first down. And the Raiders are forced to call a timeout.

2:59 p.m. -- Third and two. And Crabtree has enough to move the chains.

3:00 p.m. -- Murray picks up three on first down. And it is a third and six situation.

3:01 p.m. -- And no dice on a throw to Marcel Reece. Here comes Sea-Bass. And with four minutes remaining in the third, Oakland takes a 10-9 lead. 

3:05 p.m. -- DET at their own 20. Second and four. And the Lions get dropped for a loss. Third and five. Stafford throws it to a vacant chunk of green at midfield, and out comes the Lions' punting unit.

3:08 p.m. -- And the Raiders take over around their own 25. 

3:10 p.m. -- A pass inteference call on Detroit puts Oakland at their own 40. And Rivera burns downfield into Detroit territory.

3:11 p.m. -- Second and 10. And Murray runs to make it a third and six. 

3:12 p.m. -- Flag down. Delay of game call against Oakland. That makes it third and 11.

3:13 p.m. -- And Crabtree cannot pull it in. Here comes Janikowski. That makes it 13-9, Raiders, with fifteen seconds left in the quarter. 

3:15 p.m. -- And Detroit takes over at their own 20. Golden Tate picks up a considerable chunk of yardage. And that takes us to the fourth.

3:19 p.m. -- Third and 10 coming up. And a fluke shuttle pass allots the Lions the first and pushes them into OAK territory.

3:21 p.m. -- Second and five. And Johnson gets enough for the first.

3:22 p.m. -- Second and two. And Stafford scrambles into the OAK red zone.

3:23 p.m. -- TOUCHDOWN LIONS. Stafford with a ten yard run to give Detroit the lead. And a Prater kick makes it 16-13.

3:27 p.m. -- Raiders at their own 20 to begin the drive. And Carr gets dropped behind the line.

3:28 p.m. -- And it is already third and 20. OAK pushed back to their own 10.

3:29 p.m. -- Flag is down, and so is Detroit defender Darius Slay. And the Raiders get hit with a pass interference call. 

3:31 p.m. -- And a booming punt from Marquette King pins Detroit back at their own 25, with about nine minutes left in the contest.

3:33 p.m. -- And Oakland almost picks off the ball on first down. Third and 10, and OAK is really putting pressure on Stafford. And Stafford cannot make it to the yellow line on a scramble. Here comes the Lions punting unit.

3:35 p.m. -- OAK will start at their own 20, but there is a flag down. It's an illegal block in the back, so that's going to put them around their own 10.
3:38 p.m. -- Derek Carr is incomplete on a rollout. A flag is down. It is holding against Oakland. Second and 14 coming up. 

3:40 p.m. -- Third and 14, with seven and a half minutes left. Another flag down. Holding on Oakland, and that gives Detroit a safety. Way to go, Donald Penn, you fat worthless sack of dog shit.

3:42 p.m. -- And the Lions get the ball back at their own 30. Second and seven. Looks like they are just shy of moving the sticks.

3:45 p.m. -- Nope, it is a first down. And the Raiders' D drops the back behind the line. Second and ten. And Detroit rumbles into Raiders territory.

3:47 p.m. -- Second and nine. And Detroit makes it to the OAK 30. 

3:49 p.m. -- Three minutes to go. And Detroit is well within field goal range.

3:50 p.m. -- Third down. The Raiders burn their final timeout. Detroit has all theirs.

3:51 p.m. -- Third and three. And Detroit converts. 

3:52 p.m. -- And we make it to the two minute warning, with the Lions leading 18-13.

3:53 p.m. -- Detroit gets a first and goal. At the Oakland one yard line.

3:55 p.m. -- Looks like the Lions are just going to run out the clock. And like that, the Raiders - for the second week in a row, plagued by a stagnant offense - drop to 4-6 on the season. 

3:57 p.m. -- Our final score in Detroit? Lions, 18, Raiders 13.

3:58 p.m. -- I hate football ... with a passion.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

2015 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings (Week 12)

The second to last dance

By: Jimbo X

The Associated Press? The USA Today's Coaches Poll? Whatever jibber-jabber is being puked out over at ESPN and Bleacher Report? Puh-leeze, we all know those alleged "Top 25" countdowns are pathetic jokes penned by homers, Power Five loyalists and Notre Dame nuthuggers. That's why I decided to release my own weekly rundown of the best FBS college football squads in the States, completely devoid of all the usual fanboyism and corporate malarkey that makes lists of the like elsewhere so unbelievably annoying. 

Throughout the regular season, a new installment will go up every Wednesday morning, so you may want to bookmark this sucker for future reference ... and to show to all of your fellow NCAA football lovin' chums, so they can know that -- at least somewhere out in the tangled, endlessly frustrating World Wide Web -- there's someone on the Internet with some goddamn horse sense when it comes to ranking college 'ball teams. 

Clemson (11-0)
Next Opponent: vs. South Carolina

The undefeated Tigers rolled over Wake Forest, winning an anti-contest 33-13 over the weekend. Deshaun Watson had 343 yards, three touchdowns and two trivial interceptions in Clemson's dominant performance, while their defense limited the Demon Deacons to just 113 passing yards and only 39 on the ground. 

Iowa (11-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Nebraska

With their 40-20 win over Purdue, the Hawkeyes improved to 11-0 on the season, making them one of the last two unbeaten Division I teams in the land. Living up to his namesake, C.J. Beathard did indeed beat the Boilermakers hard, lobbing three touchdown passes for 213 yards, while Iowa's backs posted three touchdowns and 174 yards down in the trenches.

Alabama (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Auburn

The Tide murder-death-killed Charleston Southern to the tune of 56-6. Jake Coker went 11 for 13 for 155 yards and two touchdowns, while Alabama's running back corps tacked up 195 yards and four touchdowns. The dominant D, however, was perhaps the most impressive 'Bama attribute: they limited the hapless Buccaneers to just 85 yards rushing and 49 yards receiving. 

Oklahoma (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Oklahoma State

It was a razor thin victory, but the Sooners nonetheless vanquished hated Big 12 adversaries TCU over the weekend, 30-29. Although Baker Mayfield's numbers were a bit humdrum (127 yards and just nine for 20 on pass attempts) he still tossed two TDs, while criminally underappreciated halfback Samaje Perine torched the field for 188 yards and a touchdown run. 

Michigan State (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Penn State

The Spartans bumped the Buckeyes off the rolls of the unbeaten over the weekend, thanks in no small part to a tremendous run game that saw Gerald Holmes, LJ Scott and the rest of the crew chalk up 203 yards on the ground. Michigan State's defense absolutely shut down Ohio State in their 17-14 win; by game's end, the defending National Champions had just 86 rushing yards and a mere 46 by air.

Notre Dame (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Stanford

Boston College gave the Irish all they could handle in Saturday's narrow 19-16 Notre Dame win. DeShone Kizer posted 320 yards and two touchdowns, but he also lobbed three interceptions. Meanwhile, the Irish rushing attack looked a bit more sluggish than the norm, accounting for only 127 total yards and no scores. The thing that has to be really concerning for the South Bend faithful, however, has to be the team's slacking defense. Seeing as how the Irish let BC rack up 214 yards on the ground, you have really got to start wondering if the regular season finale against Stanford has "upset" written all over it. 

Ohio State (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Michigan

The Buckeyes tasted defeat for the first time on Saturday, as the Spartans stunned "the" Ohio State with "the" last second field-goal to give "the" Michigan State "the" 17-14 victory. Offensively, Ohio State sputtered (combining for only 132 passing and rushing yards) while the Spartans ran all over them, to the tune of 203 yards. 

Baylor (9-1)
Next Opponent: vs. TCU

After a heartbreaking loss to Oklahoma, Baylor waltzed into Stillwater and had no problems knocking off the formerly undefeated Cowboys in their own stadium. In the Bears' impressive 45-35 victory, two-headed quarterback Jarrett Stidham and Chris Johnson combined for 396 passing yards and 3 touchdowns, while Baylor's rushing attack collected 304 yards in the trenches and an additional three scores. 

Oklahoma State (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Oklahoma State

Although Mason Rudolph tossed 430 yards and three touchdown passes, it wasn't enough to give the Cowboys an edge against Baylor, who bested Oklahoma State on the road, 45-35. The Cowboys' defense was lackluster (allowing 700 total offensive yards) and their run game was just pathetic; at the final horn, the 'Boys had just eight yards rushing, thanks in no small part to Mason Rudolph's combined negative 38 yards attempting to run the ball. 

Florida (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Florida State

Seeing as how the Gators already have a date with Alabama locked up at he Georgia Dome, perhaps Florida's sloppy performance against Florida Atlantic can be excused. Then again - in a game in which the Owls both outpassed and outran the Gators, that additionally took Florida overtime to win - you really have to wonder how this team is going to fare in an (essentially) meaningless tilt against FSU this weekend ... and whether that's going to leave them too banged up to mount a sound game against the Crimson Tide come the first week of December.

North Carolina (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. NC State

Pending some absolutely freaky stuff happens this weekend, the Tar Heels are pretty much guaranteed a date against Clemson in two weeks. Alas, North Carolina's sloppy play against the Hokies over the weekend does not bode well for their chances against the consensus number one team in the country; in UNC's 30-27 overtime victory, although the boys in powder blue had 240 yards rushing, they also let subpar QB Michael Brewer rack up 273 aerial yards. 

Navy (9-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Houston

The Midshipmen's impressive play continued over the weekend, as Keenan Reynolds (55 yards passing with a score and 81 yards rushing with another TD) stomped Tulsa 44-21. While Navy did let the Golden Hurricane (yes, it is singular) rack up 278 yards, they effectively shut down their rushing game, allowing them just 78 yards on the ground. Meanwhile, Navy absolutely obliterated the turf with their own run game, as they collectively mulched the field for five rushing touchdowns and 469 yards.  

Houston (10-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Navy

The Huskies ended Houston's unbeaten dreams Saturday, as UConn upset the Cougars 20-17. Kyle Postma was all right (190 passing yards and a TD, with an additional 52 yards on the ground), but the run game struggled, putting up only 110 yards. Meanwhile, Houston's D did little to stop UConn's rushing attack, as they racked up 156 yards on 43 carries. 

Toledo (9-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Western Michigan

The Rockets won their sixth in a row last Tuesday, besting Bowling Green 44-28. Phillip Ely had 208 yards passing and went 1-to-1 in touchdowns-to-interceptions thrown, while Toledo's running back corps combined for 198 yards and four touchdowns. A special mention goes out to back Kareem Hunt, who collected two rushing touchdowns and 153 yards on 29 carries. 

Michigan (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Ohio State

The Wolverines has no problem getting past Penn State, as they walloped the Nittany Lions 28-16 on the road. Jake Rudock went 2-1 in his TD-to-INT ratio, ultimately finishing the game with 256 yards on 25 completions. 

Stanford (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Notre Dame

In a 35-22 victory over in-state rivals Cal, the (singular) Cardinal collected three touchdowns and 260 yards on the ground, with Heisman-worthy back Christian McCaffrey racking up 192 yards on 29 carries plus a touchdown reception (and with, it another 49 yards on the day.) Alas, the secondary was about as porous as a piece of Swiss cheese, as Stanford allowed the Golden Bears to lob the rock for 386 yards.

TCU (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Baylor

The Horned Frogs made it close, but they just didn't have enough oomph to take out the Sooners in a tough 30-29 road loss. With Trevone Boykin sidelines, quarterbacks Bram Kohlhausen and Foster Sawyer combined for 229 yards and three touchdowns; however, the TCU defense absolutely crumbled against the run, allowing Oklahoma to post 333 yards on the ground. 

Florida State (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Florida

In a 52-13 anti-contest, the Seminoles stomped the Chattanooga Mocs, putting up no less than five rushing touchdowns. Sean Maguire had two additional aerial scores, both of which fell into the more than capable hands of Kermit Whitfield, who finished the game with 91 yards on five receptions. 

Temple (9-2)
Next Opponent: UConn

The Owls derailed Memphis over the weekend, besting the Tigers 31-12 at home. P.J. Walker had a two-and-one TD-to-INT ratio, ultimately lobbing the rock for 261 yards (and running it for another 49.) Temple's defense utterly shut down the Memphis O, preventing them from scoring any touchdowns and limiting them to just 156 yards receiving and 76 rushing. 

Northwestern (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Illinois

In a defensive struggle, the Wildcats surmounted the Badgers on Saturday, winning the road contest 13-7. Although Northwestern let Wisconsin rack up some huge yardage in the air (229 to their own 60), there is no denying that the Wildcats had the better day running the rock; they posted 149 yards, while their adversaries finished the game with -26 yards rushing. Yes, as in negative twenty-six

Appalachian State (8-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Louisiana-Lafayette

The Mountaineers took the week off, as they next face the Ragin' Cajuns of L of L. Averaging 478 yards a game, they have the 23rd ranked offense in Division I college ball; allowing just 321 yards per game, they also possess the 15th best FBS (I-A) defense. 

Western Kentucky (8-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Marshall

The Hilltoppers - perhaps best known for having a mascot that is basically a rose-red palette swap of the Grimace - completely throttled Florida International over the weekend, pounding the Panthers 63-7. QB Brandon Doughty had three scores and 224 yards, while the running back corps combined for 253 yards and five end zone visits. Meanwhile, the W.K. defense effectively shut down FIU's operations, holding them to 95 rushing yards and just 73 passing. 

Marshall (8-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Western Kentucky

The Thundering Herd took the week off, last seen beating FIU like a gong to the tune of 52-0. posting 413 yards per game, they are the 58th ranked offense in division uno, while their 357 yards allowed per average ties them with Notre Dame for college ball's 39th best defense. 

Southern Mississippi (8-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Louisiana Tech

Probably the best-playing team in Mississippi right now ain't one of the SEC schools. Over the weekend, the Golden Eagles beat the Old Dominion Monarchs 56-31, in a game that saw Southern Miss score six rushing touchdowns - four of which were signed, sealed, and delivered by back Jalen Richard, who finished the contest with 161 yards on 22 carries. 

Northern Illinois (8-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Ohio

The Huskies bested the Western Michigan Broncos last week, improving to 8-3 on the season via a 27-19 win. Running back Jordan Huff averaged 20 yards per play on eight carries, as he scrambled like mad for 159 yards and a touchdown. Alas, even in the silver clouds, there is a big, black streak; the team also gave up an absurd amount of yardage - 353, to be exact - in the air.