Monday, March 11, 2013

An Argument...in Favor of Using Drone Strikes to Kill U.S. Citizens on American Soil?

Don’t worry about drone attacks…instead, worry about the people that are worried about drone attacks


Last week, bush-headed, Gollum-look-alike Rand Paul become an immortal libertarian icon by proudly standing in Congress and doing absolutely nothing for 13 hours straight (which, oddly enough, also summarizes the daily lives of  most libertarian college students. Just replace “congress” with “pants-less, in their parents’ basement,” of course.)

Staunch defenders of freedom, liberty and capitalism began tweeting all over the Internet, with the Reason and Taki Mag’s crowd hailing him as a modern day Jefferson Smith. Even Van Jones -- yes, THAT Van Jones -- wrote an op-ed on CNN kinda’ praising the Son of Fronkenstein as a civil liberties hero.

For those of you out of the loop, Kentucky’s favorite son (of a bitch) was protesting the Federal gubberment’s use of drone strikes against suspected overseas terrorists. You see, Rand reckons that the policy MAYBE PROBABLY MIGHT COULD POTENTIALLY be re-worded to allow for drone attacks on U.S. citizens right here in America, sans due process. So, he stood there, hanging out with his neo-neo-con buddies, while John McCain and Lindsey Graham shook their heads in disappointment. Meanwhile, lovers of all things of the self and absolutely nothing else took to the Web to show their adamant support of Rand’s literal stand against…well, whatever the hell he was standing against. Eventually, Eric Holder sent Rand a memo telling him what everybody in the goddamn universe already knew (no, federal policy DOES NOT allow for executive orders entailing the remote-controlled death of American citizens via model plane-thingy) and he kindly shut up, took his briefcase, and went home.

Yeah, some act of heroism, all right. Forget all those dudes volunteering their free time to help inner-city youth in war zones like Chicago, and especially forget all those people with ACTUAL GOVERNMENT jobs that are working, overtime, without pay, to help out children and at-risk juveniles on their own dime. THIS MAN IS A HERO. A HERO THAT DOESN’T DO SHIT, THAT THINKS IT’S ALL RIGHT FOR BUSINESSES TO TURN AWAY BLACK PEOPLE, BUT WHO CARES ABOUT ALL OF THAT INCONSEQUENTIAL MESS.

A lot of  Nuevo right-wingers are pitching a fit about Obama’s use of drone weaponry. Ironically, those same people would be pitching an even bigger fit if Obama was employing actual soldiers in on-the-street combat over there in Alpaca-Stan or wherever the hell they’re sending those things. It seems to me that drone weaponry is the necessary technological advent that leftists and anti-war righties have been clamoring for since 9/11 - a means of waging warfare without the risk of ANY collateral U.S. soldier deaths, that ONLY pinpoints specific terror targets WITHOUT requiring a formal military occupation of foreign territories. So, the Obama Administration gets behind a defense strategy that MINIMIZES BOTH U.S. and FOREIGN CASUALTIES, and it’s the greatest threat to civil liberties EVER. I used to think dissent against the government was an absolute necessity for civic freedom; and now, I’m beginning to wonder if my own life will be imperiled by anti-federalist kooks that will shoot me deader than Elvis for even suggesting that drone warfare doesn’t impact their actual lives in any way, shape or form.

So, why all of the hubbub about drones all of a sudden? Well, it’s because of that age-old tradition, “the slippery slope” argument. You see, Obama recently signed an executive act that allows the government to target oversea individuals suspected of being combatants. Seeing as how “due process” laws only apply to U.S. citizens, while they are in the U.S., the libertarian-conspiracy-theorist-I-just-hate-black-people-in-general response is “hey, what’s stopping this big government niI mean, tyrant, from using them there rocket ships to blow away gun hoarders here in duh US-AY?”

The answer is, well, a lot of shit, but seeing as how we already know that the constitution has absolutely ZERO regulatory  power of executive federal actions, the real answer is NOTHING. Technically, and kinda’ legally, the Federal Government can do whatever it wants, whenever it wants and however it wants, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. The thing is, as long as you don’t act like a quasi-homicidal maniac, odds are, the big, bad GOBBERMEHNT won’t do anything at all to you, except audit you for when you forget to pay taxes. For all of this perpetual rhetoric about how “oppressive” the feds are, we tend to overlook the fact that state powers, and most certainly, local legislators, have far more power and sway over our day-to-day lives than the feds have ever had. Unless you plan on doing a David Koresh LARPing session anytime soon, odds are, the “impositions” of the federal government on your daily experiences will be, for all intents and purposes, nada. And to prove it? Name ONE civil liberty you’ve lost over the last five years by executive branch decree, and I’ll personally mow your lawn for a year.

So, COULD U.S. citizens potentially get killed by via executively-ordered drone attacks? Yeah, they could, but the government could just as easily kill you by dropping a rabid tiger down your chimney while you are sleeping. And to get the Alex Jones crowd really fired up - - why send robotic, unmanned jets to kill civil dissidents, when it would be much easier to hack into the water supply and specifically poison the taps of anti-federalists? There’s so much fear mongering going on regarding the use of drone strikes, but nobody seems to be concerned that the executive branch could similarly send a SEAL team to your house and kill everyone in it because they have somewhat viable evidence that an Al Qaeda representative lives there. And to play devil’s advocate, even if the feds DID have a plan in mind to off civil dissidents via drone strikes, what are you, the average Joe Six-Tooth, going to do to stop them? They have nuclear missiles, tanks, and complete control over virtually every form of modern infrastructure, from highways to the Internet, and you have…what, a life-size plastic replica of a light saber? Simply put, if the government REALLY wanted to kill you, they would kill you. But they haven’t, and no matter how much bellyaching you do on Stormfront or Ron Paul’s website, you will NEVER get targeted for a CIA hit job. And let’s face it -- if you say something stupid enough to have the ATF wheel up to your doorstep, you probably deserve to be firebombed, anyway.

I really don’t see why there’s so much worry going on about the possibility of due-process-less civilian hit jobs, when you’re already infinitely more likely to be shot to death - without any due process - by the local police precinct, who are given such a broad domain to employ deadly force that, legally, scratching your ass could be enough to get shot forty eight times in the face. And what about those “stand-your-ground” laws, which give virtually limitless protection for people to stick their guns out their windows and shoot the shit out of anything that steps foot on their property? Forget all this maybe-possibly-potentially-bull shit about drone strikes in the U.S., there are legal statutes ON THE BOOKS that give people the utter liberty to KILL-KILL-KILL if they feel as if their property is imperiled. Living in the south, I don’t think I’ve ever seen any unmanned, military aircraft of ANY KIND, but I sure as hell have seen some quasi-deranged, trigger-happy individuals that would just LOVE to whip out their Uzis and turn some Jehovah’s Witnesses into Jehovah’s beef jerky.

Besides, if given the option, which would you prefer: the gloriously science-fiction-y demise of being personally targeted and blown to smithereens by an evil regime using robotic model airplanes, or getting capped in the ass by some fat, white dude with a mustache that thought you were “too tan” to be lurking around the neighborhood?

And I’ll stop there, to keep from droning on about such preposterous matters…

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant post, sir! Sometimes it does my heart good to read the text of a man who's had it up to his eyeballs in stupidity, and then proceeds to eloquently and gracefully show us said stupidity in fluid motion. I may not have posted many comments, but I have always been watchful. Never a dull moment, it seems. Keep it Condor, my friend.

    Signed,
    Your Good Buddy Condor

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