Friday, January 24, 2014

Gayniggers from Outer Space!

A bizarre beyond words Scandinavian spoof about a race of black extra-terrestrials who want to rid planet Earth of all its female occupants. Sound offensive? Well…kinda’, but it’s also a really fun and deliciously campy short film unlike anything you’ve probably ever seen. 



NOTE: Although I really shouldn't have to say this -- at all -- we here at THE INTERNET IS IN AMERICA in no, way, shape or form encourage or promote racism or homophobia in any of its vile incarnations. All usages of terms classically defined as racial or sexual slurs in this article are used within the diagetic context of the film; that said, reader discretion, obviously, is advised from here on out. -- Thx, Mgmt. 

When I was in my early teens, I received this thing in the mail called the Video Screams catalog. I ordered it through the back pages of Fangoria, and it was, in every sense of the word, awesome. Every couple of months, I would get these updated mini-catalogs, informing me of all of the weird-ass, out-of-print VHS tapes they had recently unearthed. Their offerings were mostly horror-related (remember, this was back when finding even a copy of “The Evil Dead” on video was a difficult task), but they also specialized in all sorts of bizarre delights -- sci-fi, obscure westerns, post-apocalyptic nonsense, even a couple of rare concert videos. Hell, I even remember them offering the original episodes of “Pokemon” that gave Japanese kids seizures on one flier -- in a pre-pre-YouTube universe, this was pretty much the only way to encounter the weirder pop-culture elements out there. 

Of all the titles that I encountered in those catalogs, the one that stayed with me the longest was a video called “Gayniggers from Outer Space,” which I assumed to be some kind of bizarre, if not wholly offensive, editorial joke. I mean, really…just look at the title! Even as a ribald comedy, there’s just no way anything with a title THAT un-P.C. could possibly exist. It just couldn’t. 

And, here we are, a good 15 years after I received my last edition of the Video Screams newsletter, and I decide to do a quick YouTube search. As it turns out, “Gayniggers from Outer Space” is indeed a REAL movie, and it’s WAY weirder than I ever imagined a film with such a moniker could be. 

Our heroes. as you no doubt see for yourself, are among the bulgiest protagonists in the history of film.

With a title like “Gayniggers from Outer Space,” I’m not sure if any amount of exposition would suffice, but here goes. The film, all 27 raging minutes of it, is the brainchild of Danish comedian Morten Lindberg, whom according to his Wikipedia profile, has also fronted several “easy listening” bands. Released in 1992, most of the cast consists of real gay actors, and the tone of the film is clearly satirical, parodying both sci-fi and blaxploitation stylings. Despite the confrontational title, the film itself is surprisingly subdued…albeit, not without its fair share of ham-fisted, sodomy-centric jokes, as you’ll soon see for yourself…

In terms of cinematography, the film is primarily a black and white affair. Following an upfront ad for some abstruse beer brand (boy, the troubles their marketing department must have been having at the time!) and some pre-title credits, we hear a breathless narrator explain to us what a “gaynigger” is, exactly. Apparently, they are intergalactic beings from the planet “Anus” -- I suppose giving them “Uranus” for a home world was just too subtle. As the voiceover explains, the “gayniggers” can communicate via some telepathic device, and their culture is one totally devoid of female beings. Their shtick, then, is that the roam around the universe, locating inhabited planets and “liberating” oppressed males from the blight of women. So, yeah, they’re kind of like Galactus, if Galactus was really, really misogynistic. And gay. And…well, you know what the title of this movie is. 

From there, we’re introduced to the crew of the Ring Muscalatoris II. For those of you wondering if the name of the ship is some sort of abstruse pun, I’m not really sure -- unless muscaltoris (which kind of sounds like muscularis, which has something to do with the digestive tract) has some sort of meaning in Danish that I’m unaware of, anyway. 

Yet surprisingly, the movie has nothing at all to do with the "Men's Rights" Movement.

I hope you like really, really juvenile puns, because the protagonists of the film have among the most spectacularly crass names you can think of: Captain B. Dick, Sgt. Shaved Balls, Mr. Schwul (a German speaking “gaynigger” who professes faith in an excrement worshiping religion), trusty data manager Dr. D. Ildo and new recruit Agent Arminass, who is fresh out of Gay Agent School. So, uh, I think it kinda goes without saying, but yeah, if you don’t have a taste for bad taste, you may want to abandon ship while you still can.

Following an “ultra swip-over” (which I suppose is equivalent to our Anglo-Saxon “ultra sweep-overs”) of Earth, the crew members are AGHAST at the voluminous number of female humans just prattling about. They make an emergency call to the President of the Intergalactic Federation of Gay Planets and get the go-ahead for a mass extermination campaign. A distraught Arminass is assuaged by Capt. Dick, who assures the rookie that a successful job on Earth might earn him “the sign of the brown ring,” and thusly, make him a true “gaynigger” in the eyes of his peers. 

One of the “gayniggers” is beamed down to Earth, and he encounters a fairly trampy looking woman on a city street. He immediately zaps her with a blaster, while another crew member uses a brain-scanning device to observe heterosexual kissing, which grosses everybody out. 

After the crew examine a “female termination map” and scope out some data on Russia, the “gayniggers” select the Ukraine for their first foray to eliminate the scourge of womanhood. After Schwul shoots a couple of peasant women, he receives hugs from several male villagers and merrily prances about in a field. All of the earth males in the film, it is perhaps worth noting, seem all too receptive of this mass female pogrom. Could it be that the film, in addition to being a satire about homophobia, is also a parable for gender discrimination? Hey, it was made by Europeans, after all. 

By the way, that starfish thing in the background is called the "holy asshole." No, seriously.

Next, the crew pinpoints Asia, where according to their on-board computers, all the women eat “with branches, have yellow skin and are very unfriendly.” This leads to sequence in Beijing, in which Dr. Ildo rescues a henpecked dude wrapping up chopsticks by shooting two, and I quote, “bad smelling females.” After being advised that Germans may not like “dark skinned” peoples, another “gaynigger” heads to Hamburg, where he blasts away a woman who is endlessly haranguing her boat-scrubbing husband. Well, diagetically, we’re never told WHAT the relationship between the earth men and earth women in the film is, but I reckon we have permission to fill in our own blanks, no? 

After all of the females on earth have been obliterated, the “gayniggers” are beamed back up, and enter an “inner sanctum” in which they ask the “higher gaynigger forces” to help them select a new ambassador for the planet…who will help the men give birth to only male children. And no, the movie doesn’t even bother explaining how that works, either. 

After all the crew members shove their hands in “holy asshole” (a sequence with a groovy disco soundtrack okaying throughout, it is worth noting), Dr. Ildo is selected to be the new “gaynigger” prime minister of earth. As part of the arrangement, he undergoes a transformation, in which he shape shifts into a fairly European looking fellow with Elvis-like hair. So, uh, does that constitute some sort of comment on racial intolerance? Imagine that: a film with the term “nigger” in the title, which also serves as a critique of social prejudices. 

Who'd think the "Gayniggers" would've opted for the pink jumpsuits?

In an homage to “The Wizard of Oz,” the black and white film transitions to full color for the movie’s final sequence, which consists of a bunch of white men swimming together and eating bananas. To officially designate Dr. Ildo as the planet’s new ambassador, he undergoes a ritual in which “the holy gaynigger seed” is poured over his head, while the rest of the crew resolves to continuing traveling the cosmos, in an epic quest to rid the universe of womanhood. And like that, this half-hour long art film is fin

Well, uh, that was kinda’ weird. To the best of my knowledge, the director of the film isn’t gay, but a majority of the crew were. Methinks Mr. Lindberg’s film is some sort of parody about the alleged “homosexual agenda,” that being the supposed concept that gays are conspiring to turn the entire planet into same-sex-attractees. With that in mind, “Gayniggers from Outer Space” is something of a visual representation of the Moral Majority’s great fear of homosexuality -- that, alike communism and fascism, it’s an amorphous thing that can slowly creep over the planet -- as many an alien threat in shlocky 1950s sci-fi movies -- and completely invert our value systems.  

At first glance, the film seems pretty blunt, but the more you think about what you just witnessed, the more you begin to mull the deeper subtext of the narrative. Is the film mocking radical feminism, or is it criticizing the male power structure? And what about that racial element? Does the film sarcastically posit black individuals as a social “threat” on par with homosexuals to the hardcore right, and what may it be implying about cultural prejudices? There must be a reason why the prime minister turned white, no?

Perhaps I am reading too much into a film…especially considering the hyper-ironic-sensationalistic title. That said, “Gayniggers from Outer Space” is actually a fairly well-made comedy, with quite a bit of (possible) social commentary going on. Is it a crude, one-joke affair, or is it actually about something deeper and more profound than the namesake would lead you to believe? I just reckon you’ll have to figure this one out on your own, folks

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