Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Taco Bell's EVEN NEWER Breakfast Items!

Taco Bell's already diverse breakfast menu gets even more ecclectic with the addition of three unique offerings ... all of which are pretty damned awesome, to boot. 


When Taco Bell's breakfast line-up went live nationwide earlier this year, I was among the many, many skeptics. As relative newcomers to the breakfast game, I think we all just sort of thought the menu was going to be nothing more than miscellaneous variations on egg burritos -- i.e., the kind of lazy, low-quality A.M. cash grab you'd expect from any number of B-tier establishments and not the the undisputed king of faux Mexican fast food.

Ultimately, I thought the first incarnation of the breakfast line-up was so-so. The much-ballyhooed "waffle tacos" were a feeble  (and unflavorful) attempt to capture the hyper-consumerist youth market, while the in-house breakfast burritos were shockingly mundane. The big silver lining in the tortilla-shaped clouds, however, were the A.M. Crunch Wrap offerings, which were not only uniquely tasty, but perfectly suited for weekday morning consumption -- meaning, you could eat three or four of them while driving 70 miles per hour down the Interstate, without any real fears of having nacho cheese drip on your slacks.

Unsurprisingly, Taco Bell's second wave of breakfast offerings focus largely on the proven Crunch Wrap formula (and in the most wonderfully weird way, too.) But first up? Taco Bell seeks to make amends for its rather disappointing breakfast burritos -- ladies and gents, I give you the "Grande Scrambler."


As the name implies, the "Grande Scrambler" is both a.) really, really big, and b.) a hodgpodge of all sorts of breakfast favorites, including home fries, pico, egg, cheese and bacon bits. That said there are two major things that make this item stand out from your typical breakfast 'ritto.


First off, obviously, is the fact that it's goddamn enormous. Take about three breakfast burritos from McDonalds and tape them together and you'll get a good idea of the girth of the "Scrambler." It's so "grande" that, feasibly, it could be turned into a bludgeoning instrument, in what would undoubtedly be the most delicious homicide in history.  


Secondly, the thing is really, really tasty. I wasn't too impressed by the Bell's initial A.M. tortillas, but this one MORE than makes up for their rather lackluster first wave lineup. The pico really gives the offering a flavorful kick that's lacking from the standard burritos, but what REALLY makes this thing delicious is the sour cream. I never really thought the combination of egg and curdled milk yogurt would gel all that well, but folks, I was as wrong as wrong could be. If you're looking for an XL morning pick-me-up, and you really don't mind having a case of the trots around lunchtime, I would highly, highly recommend giving this thing a try ASAP. 


And from there, we hop to the two newest additions to the A.M. Crunchwrap family -- an avocado loaded "California" iteration and, if you can believe it, a gravy injected country biscuit permutation


We'll start with "California" first and work our way eastward. The first thing I noticed about my particular meal was how lumpy it was ... when I say these tortillas are utterly loaded with foodstuffs, I mean these things are freaking packed with the goods. 


As far as the contents of said offering went, I was pretty impressed. There's a lot of shredded cheddar, some bacon chunks, onions, tomato, egg, and, of course, guacamole galore. Overall, it has a nice, tangy flavor, that makes it taste more like a traditional burrito than your normal breakfast variation. It certainly feels zestier than most breakfast burritos; if you like food that tastes healthy even though it really isn't, you'll probably really enjoy this one


I could tell the country gravy biscuit Crunchwrap was going to be phenomenal as soon as I opened up the little paper envelope thingy and a bunch of watery white stuff started pouring out of it. As jam packed as the California wrap was, this one was even bulkier, as if the innards were threatening to burst out of the tortilla like Hulk Hogan shredding off his own shirt, circa 1987. My hopes, obviously, were sky high here.


Give the Bell props, because somehow, this thing did indeed taste like a genuine Southern biscuit. Inside the tortilla exterior, it had a big old pork patty, wrapped up in a thick coat of cheesy eggs and milky sauce, which I assume to be some kind of watered down flour compound with a couple of specks of salt and pepper sprinkled into it. Of course, it does taste pretty weird, but it's the soothing kind of weird, the weird you really, really like although empirical science tells you it should make you vomit instead. So, yeah, this thing is a Taco Bell offering, through and through I reckon. 

Ever the busy sort, I rarely have time to make the trek to restaurants in the A.M., but pending you have some free time on the weekend, I would really encourage you to give these three products a taste-chow. They're unorthodox, filling, unexpectedly yummy and kooky more or less for the sake of being kooky and bringing in the ever-growing satirical fast-food blogger reviewer demographic. As such, I really can't imagine these things become longtime staples of the Taco Bell morning menu, so you best suck these babies down while you still have the opportunity. 

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