Thursday, November 20, 2014

Ten Homicidal Homosexuals!

It’s 'a raining men…who have killed a whole shit load of people.

We here at the Internet Is In America sure do like to do a lot of things, and perhaps one of our favorite pastimes is deconstructing popular misconceptions. You know, like the erroneous assumptions that The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and Kurt Cobain made good music, or that “Breaking Bad” is a decent television series, and even that old chestnut about “Faces of Death” being 100 percent authentic.

In American culture, there tends to be an overarching belief that homosexual males are, for lack of a better word, wussies. Oh, we know the stereotypes: the scrawny flamboyant weakling, who would probably pass out trying to open up a mayonnaise jar. The garish, emaciated “queen,” who looks like he/she/ze/they/them/zem would simply flutter away in a strong updraft. Even the iconic leather bear seems to scream “John Goodman” more than Big Van Vader.

Yes, pro athletes like Michael Sam and the painfully closet bound Georges St-Pierre are doing their part to clear up that pervasive cultural image, but as a whole, U.S. society tends to view the gay man as an indelibly harmless, effeminate caricature.

Well, the internet-stationed truth factory it is, IIIA has decided to put that little notion out to pasture, with an analysis of ten homosexual males who aren’t/weren’t  just likely to kick your ass, but indeed KILL YOU DEAD had you ever crossed their paths and aroused their respective furies.

And the best part? There’s a good chance you didn’t know at least half the guys on those list were even gay to begin with! Now, who’s ready to get HOMOCIDAL up in this mudder?

Arthur Gary Bishop
Confirmed Body Count: 5

Growing up, Bishop had what most would consider a fairly decent upbringing. He was an Eagle Scout, an outstanding student and even a missionary. He was also a Mormon, all the way up until he was busted for embezzlement in the late 1970s. Changing his name, he soon moved to Salt Lake City and became a mentor as part of the “Big Brother” program.

Around that time, Bishop decided to pick up a pair of peculiar hobbies: good old fashioned molestation and murder. His first victim was a four-year-old child he wound up drowning in his bathtub, the second an 11-year-old he picked up at a skating rink and later beat to death.

Bishop would go on to claim the lives of three more youths -- a four year old, a six year old and a 13-year-old -- before police finally said “hey, didn’t this Bishop guy kinda’ live in the same area where all of these children were heinously butchered?” and bring him in for questioning. Interrogating him, they figured out his real name, and he ultimately confessed, gleefully telling authorities that, if given the opportunity, he’d keep on a killin’ minors.

In a letter to the public, he blamed the murders on his addiction to skin flicks, and later demanded to die by lethal injection. He soon got his wish, as the Utah State Prison was more than happy to give him the old hot dose treatment in 1988.

Joshua Brown and Davis Don Carpenter
Confirmed Body Count: 1

When Matthew Shepherd was killed in Wyoming in 1998, it became a national sensation and a major turning point in the gay rights movement. A year later, the script got reversed in Arkansas, with two homosexuals claiming the life of a heterosexual, who, at the time of his death, was just 13-years-old.

For those unfamiliar with the Rogers, Ark. slaying, it involved two gay lovers -- Carpenter, 38, and his live-in boyfriend Brown, 22 -- who bound, drugged, tortured and violated 7th grader Dirkhising for two days straight before the youngster appeared to asphyxiate on a wad of underwear his captors had jammed into his mouth.

Brown would go on to tell police the boy had been repeatedly violated over the last two months, writing off the assaults as "horseplay." Unsurprisingly, both Carpenter (a beauty salon owner ... way to break those stereotypes, fellas) and Brown were tried and convicted for Dirkhising's murder, with each receiving life sentences.

Of course, the 1999 slaying of Jesse Dirkhising didn’t quite turn into the same media brouhaha as the Shepherd case, no? As to why the mainstream media all but ignored such a horrific crime, Time's Jonathan Gregg explains it away: "The reason the Dirkhising story received so little play is it offered no lessons."

Take it from one of the nation's foremost journalistic institutions, America: unless it somehow reinforces your sociopolitical worldview, homicides just aren't worth talking about, I reckon.

Jeffrey Dahmer
Confirmed Body Count: 17

Thanks in no small part to upbeat pop ditties like this one, even the most naïve Millennial has at least heard the name Jeffrey Dahmer before. At this juncture, his exploits really don't need much expounding upon --  he's practically the Lebron James of psychosexual, chi-mo necrophiliac mass murders.

He registered his very first kill just weeks after graduating from high school, having bludgeoned a hitchhiker to death with a dumbbell. To commemorate the occasion, he proceeded to whack off on the poor chap's corpse. In between his next homicides, he would join the military (and allegedly sodomize one of his fellow soldiers for months), get arrested for indecent exposure, have sex with mannequins, drug other men at bathhouses and mull digging up corpses for romantic endeavoring.

The rest, as they say, is history. He then embarked upon a 16-victim drug-rape-murder-and-cannibalize spree, with his youngest victim just 13-years-old. Eventually, Dahmer would get sentenced to five years in prison for sexual assault, but amazingly, he was paroled after just two months, allowing him to once again take to the streets of Milwaukee and pour acid into people's skulls and make alters out of their flayed remains.

Of course, all streaks most come to an end, and Dahmer's came when he tried to handcuff a would-be victim to his bed while "The Exorcist III" played on TV. The po-po arrived, found some particularly nasty Polaroids, and next thing you know, the 57-gallon drums of acid-burned torsos, mummified schlongs and enough polished skulls to practically qualify Jeff as a Yautja started rolling their way out of his apartment complex.

After netting 15 life sentences at trial, Dahmer was sent to the Columbia Correctional Institute, where he was promptly beaten to death with a nearly two foot long metal rod by a schizophrenic prisoner ... a hilarious twist ending that not only proved God exists, but demonstrated his wry sense of humor.

John Wayne Gacy
Confirmed Body Count: 33

Part-time clown and long-time GG Allin admirer John Wayne Gacy, for a time at least, held the U.S. legal system record for most simultaneous murder charges, falling just a few corpses shy of hitting the three dozen kill mark. All of his victims were young men who ranged from their early teens to their late 20s, and there's a very, very strong likelihood he put in a couple of extra murders that never made the official tally.

Gacy's upbringing was unsurprising. His pa-pa used to beat him unconscious with brooms and call him a patsy for running as a Democrat, so he grew up to become a young man who fondled corpses at mortuaries, married a girl whose dad owned a whole bunch of KFC restaurants and ran an underground sex crime ring. He would then get busted for sodomy and went to to prison, where he spent most of his time designing miniature golf courses.

After that, he become a fine, upstanding pillar of the Chicago community, where he offered free maintenance services to the poor, supervised the city's Polish Constitution Day Parade and offered charitable services to youth as "Pogo the Clown." Oh, and he also started drugging and strangling runaway kids by the double digits, eventually stuffing so many corpses into his crawlspace that he didn't even have room to quicklime the bodies.

By his own description a bisexual, there's really no telling just how many young men Gacy actually killed -- and that's not even counting the ones he sexually assaulted, which is almost certainly even higher. After his "autoerotic asphyxiation" defense faltered in the courtroom, Gacy was given the death sentence. His final words before being given the lethal injection in 1994? The rather charming epithet of "kiss my ass" to the families of his victims.

Jim Jones
Confirmed Body Count: 909

Good old Jimmy Jones, founder of the People’s Temple, managed to do what aspiring, 4-Chan-surfing school shooters can only dream about; he was able to chalk up a damn near a four-digit body count in one afternoon, and without firing a single bullet, either.

The son of a Ku Klux Klan member, Jones became a civil rights proponent early in his youth. Claiming to be the reincarnation of Jesus, Buddha and Lenin, he merged Unitarian and Marxist philosophies to form his People’s Temple Church in the late 1960s. He would become a door-to-door monkey salesman (yes, believe it or not, you did read that correctly) to help fund his ministries, which had the goal of establishing a post-racial “rainbow family” utopia somewhere in Africa. His social activism was praised by, among others, Jerry Brown, Harvey Milk and Jimmy Carter’s wife.

Behind closed doors, though, Jones was kind of a freak. He was busted for shaking his wing-wong at an undercover cop in 1973, which apparently gave him some kind of weird denialist complex. He started proclaiming himself the world’s only “true heterosexual,” and forced his male worshippers to sign documents stating that they were the real homos. Jones would then cajole his underlings into a bit of the old buggery, telling them that it was “good practice” for prison. According to several testimonies, he even engaged in the butt sehks with another man in front of his own congregation to really drive the point home -- he was so straight, he could even have rectal intercourse with another man and maintain his heteronormalcy.

In the ‘70s, Jones and a flock of followers a thousand or so people strong all made the trek to Guyana to fulfill Buddha-Jesus-Lenin’s vision of a pan-ethnic wonderland. After subjecting followers to vicious beatings and isolation torture, he managed to convince his peoples to partake of a cyanide-laced Flavor-Aid party. The end result was 909 corpses -- up until 9/11, the largest single-event U.S. civilian death toll in history.

Patrick Kearney
Confirmed Body Count: 21

Not to be confused with former Atlanta Falcon Pat Kerney -- who, to the best of my knowledge, never committed homicide out of psychosexual rage -- the so-called "Trashbag Killer" may have murdered as many as 43 people ... if not more.

An aircraft engineer from a fairly well-to-do family, he had a knack for picking up dudes at San Diego and Tijuana bars. It wasn't long before he started using his silver tongue to lure in hitchhikers and begin killing transients for practice.

His M.O. was pretty straightforward. He'd cruise clubs for victims, shoot them behind the ear, toss their corpses into his truck and proceed to have his filthy way with their lifeless bodies. Many of his victims skewed beneath the age of consent -- his youngest confirmed victim was just 5-years-old.

Eventually, Kearney was captured, put on trial and given 21 consecutive life sentences. At the ripe old age of 75, old Patty boy is still kicking. Today, he resides at the Mule Creek State Prison in California, where he's a lifer with ... if you can goddamn believe this ... that dude who used to wear a rainbow wig and hold up "John 3:16" signs at pro baseball games.

Adam Lanza
Confirmed Body Count: 27

When confirmed autistic psychopath Adam Lanza decided to gun down two first grade classrooms  -- this after, mowing down several administrators and his own mother -- superficially concerned citizens across America asked the same question: what drove this disturbed young man (or, as I have persistently referenced him, “that worthless piece of shit who doesn’t even deserve to be named”) to embark upon such an odious, unfathomably horrific crime?

Well, it took a year, but eventually, we figured out what was inside Mr. Lanza’s hard drive, which presumably, was indicative of what also resided in his head. And as soon as the material was released -- and after all of the hubbub about the significance of his computer’s contents from the ever vigilant and caring mainstream media -- for some reason, we didn’t hear as much as a peep from the press. Just call it a hunch, but that’s probably because the hard drive was glutted with some hardcore homosexual material, clearly positing Adam Lanza as a closeted gay man.

Alongside a wealth of material on the Columbine shooters (themselves, purported to be homosexuals in denial), hamster videos and quite a few Bill Cosby routines, Connecticut State Police found all of the cheery material below on Adam’s desktop:

- a screenplay penned by Lanza concerning the love affair between a 30-year-old man and a 10-year-old boy

- a copy of the Dutch film “Voor Een Vorloren Soldaat,” also about man-boy love

- miscellaneous pro-paedo propganda

- three full months of Instant Message transcripts between Lanza and an online pal discussing their “homosexual fantasies

Of course, that’s not to say that Lanza’s apparent homosexuality had anything to do with his homicidal proclivities. I mean, come on, that’s just a demeaning, prejudicial thing to say, with hardly any backing evidence to support it. You homophobe.

Aaron McKinney
Confirmed Body Count: 1

Ohhh, goodness, you might want to have a seat for this one. Everybody and their mama who isn’t even on Facebook knows who Matthew Shepherd is, and why he’s famous. While the world as a collective seemingly knows that the gay Wyoming man was brutally murdered by two men, not a whole lot of people are aware of precisely who killed him.

Time to have your mind blown and your shit fucked up real good, planet Earth, because there’s more than enough evidence to support the hypothesis that Aaron McKinney, one of the two fellas’ charged with Matt’s death, was at least half-gay himself.

Even zanier, some have argued that not only was Mr. McKinney AC/DC in the sack, he may have even had sexual relations with Mr. Shepherd prior to his slaying. The sordid alternative narrative -- which more or less postulates Shepherd's murder as a meth trade-spawned homicide instead of a hate crime -- was the subject of 2013's "The Book of Matt."

Of course, it sounds like the musings of some unscrupulous, anti-homosexual crackpot, but as it turns out, the author of the book -- Stephen Jimenez -- is a gay man himself. And among the gay-hating publications that have backed up the book's claims and praised its findings? None other than that festering, super homophobic rag known as the Advocate -- aka, the world's most respected LGBT magazine.

Luka Magnotta
Confirmed Body Count: 1

In 2012, Magnotta -- born Eric Clinton Kirk Newman -- took the Internet by storm with his viral video, colloquially known as "1 Lunatic, 1 Ice Pick." The video, in case you never saw it, consisted of Mr. Magnotta stabbing the corpse of an Asian exchange student over and over again while New Order played in the background.

Allegedly, Magnotta -- an Ontario-born schizophrenic and underground adult movie star -- also cannibalized Lin Jun's body, before mailing remaining chunks to federal buildings and elementary schools. Prior to that, he garnered a modicum of Internet fame by posting videos of himself killing kittens with a vaccuum cleaner.

A hardcore homo narcissist AND a rancorous white supremacist, Magnotta was really the worst of liberal and conservative extremism packed into one pimply package. The former male prostitute was ultimately apprehended by INTERPOL agents, who found the cannibal Canuck browsing articles about himself in a Berlin Web cafe. His murder trial is ongoing; knowing Canada, they'll probably just blame it all on "cultural homophobia" and make him do a few hours of community service or something.

Ottis Toole
Confirmed Body Count: 6

Ottis Toole is pretty much a real life Joe Chill; he had no idea at the time, but his murderous behavior would ultimately birth the closest thing to Batman in actual existence -- John motherfucking Walsh, of “America’s Most Wanted” fame.

Toole is probably more famous for being buddies with fellow serial killer Henry Lee Lucas, but that's not to say that Toole didn't amassed a pretty sizable body count of his own. Raised in Jacksonville, his daddy was an alcoholic who beat him and his mama made him dress up like a girl and called him "Susan." He was repeatedly violated by his neighbors and family members, including his grandmother, who was allegedly a grave-robbing Satanist. He also said he used to set houses on fire and beat off to it.

Ol' Ottis claims to have made his first kill at 14, when he was turning tricks down by the gay bars. He hooked up with Lucas in his late 20s, claiming to have assisted his lover in more than 100 murders. Alas, police could only finger him for two, which netted him a life sentence; in 1991, he confessed to four more slayings, and on his deathbed, he confessed to slaying 6-year old Adam Walsh.

Tragically, Toole succumbed to AIDS-expedited cirrhosis in 1996. And by "tragically," I mean his sorry ass didn't die a more painful death, many, many years sooner ... preferably, the end result of a death dual with Daddy Walsh, atop a huge tower underneath rainy, sepia-tone skies.


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