Sunday, September 27, 2015

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play From Week 3's Raiders vs. Browns Game

11:44 a.m. -- Live coverage begins at 1 p.m. Eastern. Be sure to click the hell out of that refresh button, fellas!

12:30 p.m. -- Kickoff is in half an hour. Rod Streater, Justin Tuck and Jamize O. (the only dude who could score against the Bengals in week one) are all gametime decisions.

12:34 p.m. -- This just in: Josh McCown will START for the Browns over Johnny Football. This, despite Manziel's impressive performance last week. 

1:00 p.m. -- And we are coming to you LIVE from Cleveland, Ohio. And we all remember what happened the LAST time a pro sports team from Oakland came to town...

1:02 p.m. -- Oakland set to receive. And the Raiders will begin within their own 20. 

1:04 p.m. -- Amari Cooper with a first down reception on Oakland's very first play. 

1:05 p.m. -- Latavious dropped for a loss on first down. Third and 12 coming up. AND COOPER WITH NOTHER FIRST DOWN PICKUP.

1:06 p.m. -- Murray with a few yards on first down. Second and eight. Deadball on a dropped pass makes it third and eight. AND COOPER WITH ANOTHER FIRST DOWN CONVERSION!

1:07 p.m. -- MURRAY WITH A HUGE RUN! But a holding call on Oakland brings it back to the CLE 30. First and 20. Shane Crabtree reception makes it about six yards from a new set of downs.

1:08 p.m -- And Helu picks up the first and a shuttle pass. Raiders in the redzone. 

1:10 p.m. -- First and goal. Murray gets nowhere on the play. About five yards to the endzone on third and goal.

1:11 p.m. -- And Carr overthrows Crabtree. Out comes the field goal unit. Janikowski is as automatic as usual. Raiders take the early 3-0 lead and burn damn near eight minutes off the clock in the process.

1:15 p.m. -- The Browns will start at their own 20. About a two-yard run on first down. Incompletion on second down, but a holding call against Oakland gives Cleveland a free set of downs. 

1:18 p.m. -- Raiders looking really good stopping the run so far today. And they are blitzing like mofos, too!

1:19 p.m. -- The pressure on McCown is hot and he tosses it away on a second and nine. And a penalty against Cleveland makes it second and 19. Third and eight. And the D CRUSHES the ballcarrier behind the line for a huge loss!

1:22 p.m. -- Cleveland punts it away, ad Oakland starts their second drive at their own 20. This is the best the Raiders have looked defensively all season.

1:23 p.m. -- Hey, did you know its NFL Hispanic Heritage Month? Well, it is. 

1:24 p.m. -- A flag sets the Raiders back before they can even take the first snap. First and 15. Nothing going on a rushing attempt, so it is 2 and 15. Amari Cooper with a five yard catch.

1:26 p.m. -- Third and six. An incompletion on a hurried throw, but a CLE holding penalty gives the Raiders a new set of downs. 

1:27 p.m. -- Murray dropped behind the line on first down. Second and ten. And he goes backwards again, creating a third and 11 situation for OAK.

1:28 p.m. -- And Crabtree gets tangled up on what probably would have been a TD reception. Oakland has to punt, and the Browns will have to start around their own 20. Fun fact: did you know the Raiders are 2-22 in their last 24 away games? In fact, the last time they won a game outside O.Co was a 2013 game against the Texans.

1:32 p.m. -- McCown nearly picked off on first down. About a third and five coming up. And Hartline reels it in to give Cleveland their first first down of the game. 

1:33 p.m. -- KHALIL MACK with a huge stop in the backfield. Second and 11 now. AND MCCOWN GOES DOWN IN THE BACKFIELD!

1:34 p.m. -- Third and 14. And that's the end of the first quarter. And the Browns can't convert. 

1:39 p.m. -- The Raiders start the drive around their own 10. 

1:40 p.m. -- Roy Helu (I think) can't reel it in. Second down. And a flag. No, wait, the Browns are burning a timeout. 

1:42 p.m. -- Murray in the backfield. And he breaks off a good seven yard rip. Third and 3 coming up. 

1:43 p.m. -- And Cooper drops what would have given the Raiders a first down. Shit. 

1:44 p.m. -- Cleveland will start around midfield. And they get an illegal block in the back penalty to start the drive.

1:45 p.m. -- Cleveland pushed back to around their own 30. Second and six. The presure is on, and McCown overthrows. Third and six. Wait, Charles Woodson is in the game now?

1:48 p.m. -- The Browns take another timeout. And it looks like Johnny Football may be leaving the sideline...


2:07 p.m. -- PROTIP: When using the Blogger app on an iPad, DO NOT click out of the application or else you will lose literally everything you typed thanks to a complete and utter auto-save feature. Guess who learned that one the hard way just a few moments ago?

2:08 p.m. -- All right, Cleveland has a first and ten at midfield. Gabriel is overthrown, so it is second and ten for the Browns. And Hawkins can't reel in another pass. That makes it third and 10 for the Browns. 

2:10 p.m. -- The Browns in Raiders terriitory for the first time today following a conversion. But the ballcarrier gets dropped for a MASSIVE loss on second down!

2:11 p.m. -- Second and 16. But sumbitch, the Browns manage to convert. 

2:12 p.m. -- Looks like its first and ONE for Cleveland. Second down coming up. Two-minute warning is upon us.

2:15 p.m. -- And third and goal! AND OAKLAND MAKES THE STOP!

2:17 p.m. -- Browns take a timeout. They may be going for it on fourth down. Yep, they are. 

2:18 p.m. -- Cleveland gets a false start call. That brings out the field goal unit. Travis Coons (ironically, a white guy) cuts the Raiders lead down to 7. 10-3, Raiders

2:22 p.m. -- And the Raiders start their next drive at their own 30. Murray breaks out a 15 yard run. And Seth Roberts takes it to the Browns' 15!

2:23 p.m. -- Marcel Reece doesn't do much on second down. Third and nine coming up. 


2:27 p.m. -- And Janikowksi's extra point makes it a 17-3 lead for Oakland. What is this strange feeling I am feeling? I am watching a Raiders game, but the emotions I feel are like, not sad or angry. What the hell is going on here?

2:28 p.m. -- AND THE RAIDERS FORCE A FUMBLE ON THE KICK RETURN! Alas, it is under review.

2:30 p.m. -- AND THE CALL IS OVERTURNED. But the Browns can't do shit anyway, so we head to halftime 17-3, regardless. 

2:32 p.m. -- Pretty much everything is clicking for the Raiders today. Derek Carr is 12/21 with 201 yards, with Amari Cooper already over 100 yards receiving on the day. And after a slow start, Murray has now reached the 50 yard rushing mark. But the even bigger suprise? The Raiders D has allowed the Browns to rack up less than 150 yards so far in the game, with the Browns highly touted run offense limited to just 24 yards thus far.

2:45 p.m. -- The Browns get the ball to begin the third quarter. They will start from their own 20. And McCown is still in at QB, for some reason. 

2:47 p.m. -- Second and nine. And a deep pass is overthrown. Third and nine. AND MCCOWN EATS DIRT!

2:49 p.m. -- And Cooper loses about twenty yards on a busted punt return. BUT DIGRESSION, I SAY!

2:50 p.m. -- Oakland starts at their own five. Crabtree with about five on first down.

2:51 p.m. -- MURRAY WITH A HUGE RUN! But a player is down. Oh shit, that's not Latavious, is it?

2:53 p.m. -- Reece can't reel it in on first down. The Raiders have 312 yards on the day, if you can beliee it. And Jones chugs it for a third and one situation. 

2:56 p.m. -- ...and Murray gets the first. Thankfully, that was a Brown that got injured, apparently. 

2:57 p.m. -- And Jones gets almost eight on a busted run. The Raiders have 126 rushing yards on the day. Will they be able to surpass the 500 yards of offense mark this afternoon?

2:58 p.m. -- And another Brown is down. Second and three for Oakland, at Cleveland's 20. An overthrown pass to Crabtree, but there is a flag...on Crabtree. Second and 13. One man in the backfield, and Crabtree bobbles a pass. Third and 13.

3:00 p.m. -- Crabtree with the reception, but its not enough for a new set of downs. Out comes Sea-Bass. Automatic. 20-3 game, Oakland. 

3:04 p.m. -- And the Browns get it at their own 20, with about nine minutes left in the third. And they get about eight on the play.

3:05 p.m. -- Second and two. But there is a flag. ON CLEVELAND. Second and seven. A batted pass, and yet another flag on the play. This time, it is on Oakland. So, second and two, again. 

3:06 p.m. -- A dropped pass makes it 3 and 2. And Hartline converts.

3:08 p.m. -- Or did he? The play is under review.

3:10 p.m. -- The call stands. First down for Cleveland. 

3:11 p.m. -- Cleveland is at midfield. Third and two. And in other news, add BIG BEN to the list of injured quarterbacks for the season. 

3:12 p.m. -- And the Browns can't convert. Here comes the punt unit. Or hell, the Browns may be going for it. 

3:13 p.m. -- They are. And dabnabit, they make enough for a new set of downs.

3:14 p.m. -- And CJ WIlson is hurt. I think he is a defensive tackle or something.

3:15 p.m. -- Gary Barnidge has 77 yards on the day. And Cleveland can't make the magic happen under pressure. Another defensive player for Oakland is down. Manziel chewing gum frantically on the sideline.

3:17 p.m. -- Second and eight. Midfield. And the receiver gets dropped well behind the line of scrimmage. 

3:18 p.m. -- Third and 8. But motherfucker, Hartline reels it in to move the sticks.

3:19 p.m. -- Second and two near the OAK 30. The halfback is dropped for a loss. 

3:20 p.m. -- Third and one situation. And that one leads to a Cleveland touchdown. Barnidge torches the secondary for a 28-yard reception. 20-10, OAK.

3:21 p.m. -- Huh. Did you know there is an all new Halloween-flavored burger out there from Burger King now?

3:23 p.m. -- Raiders start at their own 20. Second and seven coming up. AND MARCELL REECE RUNS LIKE A DRUNKEN ELEPHANT FOR ALMOST 60 YARDS!

3:26 p.m. -- Second and eight at the CLE 30. And Seth Roberts with a nine yard pickup. Three and one for OAK.

3:27 p.m. -- And Murray converts. But there is a flag. ON CLEVELAND. First and goal for the Raiders. And that will do it for the third quarter. The Raiders will begin the fourth quarter in Cleveland's redzone.

3:30 p.m. -- Murray rumbles for about five. Five yards until paydirt. AND MURRAY HITS THE ENDZONE! 

3:31 p.m. -- And a Janikowski gimme makes it 27-10 Raiders.

3:33 p.m. -- Dear lord, you ought to see this girl three tables over to me in a Steelers jersey. She's got the worst case of meth mouth I've seen in a long time, and I live in Georgia, so you know that is saying something. 

3:35 p.m. -- And Mack STEAMROLLS McCown. We've got ourselves a 3 and 17 situation at the Browns' own 10. And mother of fuckers, THEY CONVERT IT.

3:36 p.m. -- Cleveland at midfield. And a holding call against the Raiders puts Cleveland in striking territory. 

3:37 p.m. -- A second and three around the OAK 30. A new set of downs takes the Browns into near redzone territory. And Charles Woodson is walking off the field...

3:39 p.m. -- First and ten, at the OAK 20. And the deep pass is a no-catch. Second and 10. No good on that would-be endzone strike, either. Third and 10, still at the Raiders' 20. 

3:41 p.m. -- AND MCCOWN IS SACKED AND STRIPPED OF THE BALL! Unfortunately, the Browns recover. That makes it fourth and 14. Out comes the field goal unit. And that makes it 27-13, Raiders.

3:42 p.m. -- Yep. Tampa Bay Buccaneers fans are EASILY the whitest fans in the League.

3:44 p.m. -- And the Raiders begin the next drive at their own 20. 

3:45 p.m. -- And Cooper with enough for ten yards. He almost broke loose on that one, too.

3:46 p.m. -- Murray with about two. Second and eight coming up. A holding call makes it second and 18.

3:48 p.m. -- Cooper with about seven on the play. Third and 11. And motherfucker, the ball pops loose. The Browns have it at midfield. 

3:51 p.m. -- About eight minutes left in the game. Cleveland is at the Oakland 40. Woodson back in the game. And there is a flag against the Raiders. Seven minutes left, and the Brown are at the OAK 20.

3:53 p.m. -- Second and ten. They convert. First and goal. No good on the first go-at it.

3:55 p.m. -- TOUCHDOWN BROWNS. And the extra point makes it 27-20 Oakland.

3:58 p.m. -- Six and a half left in the game, and the Raiders take over at their own 20. 

3:59 p.m. -- Murray with about four. Second and six. Six minutes left in the game. Carr tosses it away. And Oakland gets a holding call on top of it.

4:01 p.m. -- Third and 15 coming up. And that ain't nowhere near enough to move the chains. Four and a half minutes left in the game, and Oakland has to punt.


4:04 p.m. -- Murray up the gut for four. Time to play smallball, obviously.

4:05 p.m. -- Third and five. Two minute warning approaching. And Carr tosses it away. Out comes Sea-bass, who will attempt...nothing. The Raiders punt it away, instead. 


4:08 p.m. -- And the Browns are challenging that it's not a touchback. 

4:09 p.m. -- Nope. The Browns have 99 yards to go, the refs say. Second and ten. Looks like the Browns have enough for the first down.

4:12 p.m. -- No go on a batted pass. Second and ten coming up. About a three and four, and we've got two minutes left in the ballgame.

4:15 p.m. -- The Browns convert. A minute and a half left at the CLE 30. McCown chucks it away.

4:16 p.m. -- Cleveland at midfield. About one minute left. The Browns convert, and they are in Raiders territory.

4:17 p.m. -- Cleveland takes a timeout. 0:49 left in the game. 

4:18 p.m. -- MCCOWN IS SACKED. Browns take another timeout.

4:19 p.m. -- Third and 14. AND WOODSON WITH THE GAME-CLINCHING INT!!!!!!

4:20 p.m. -- The Raiders take a knee and walk out of a thriller with a 27-20 win. 

4:23 p.m. -- Derek Carr finishes the game with 314 yards and two TDs, Latavious Murray had over 100 yards and a TD and for the second week and a row, Amari Cooper had over 100 yards receiving. And...impobably...YOUR OAKLAND RAIDERS are 2-1 on the season. 

4:25 p.m. -- With a passion?


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