A look back at the things that utterly OUTRAGED P.C. jihadists (before they forget all about them in just a few days.)
By: Jimbo X
Muslim kid builds clock, gets arrested and is promptly invited to White House
On Monday, Sept. 14 -- just a few days after 9/11, it should probably be noted -- Texas high schooler Ahmed Mohamed decided to bring a homemade clock (shielded inside a metal container, with several wires jutting out of it) to show to his engineering teacher (who, it should also probably be noted, never gave him the assignment.) Per reports, this teacher told Mohamed it was cool and all, but it was probably not a good idea to run around showing the device off to everybody else. Mohamed, who clearly knows how to pick up on social cues, decided to lug the thing into math class, where it began ticking. Since this presumably scared the dogshit out of everyone in the room, Mohamed was questioned and arrested by police, which soon sparked social media OUTRAGE, spurring Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and President of the United States Barack Obama to rush to Mohamed's aid. Following a torrent of articles decrying the incident as indicative of widespread anti-Muslim sentiment, Mohamed wound up receiving tons of dinero from online fundraisers, a litany of scholarship offers and a nice segue to an all-new high school, in addition to becoming an overnight celebrity getting free tours of Silicon Valley and Washington, D.C. While scores of online crusaders continue to rail against perceived xenophobia and zero-tolerance school policies, hardly any of them seem willing to acknowledge that this arrest is far-and-away the best thing that ever happened to the Mohamed family (whose patriarch had several unsuccessful bids for president of Sudan and once tried to sue Koran-burning pastor Terry Jones), with the positive after-effects of the event completely overriding any of the trauma Ahmed may have experienced while briefly detained. Clearly, the kid who was suspended for chewing his Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun is all shades of envious right now.
The View reveals itself as a bastion of anti-woman sexists who hate healthcare workers
For years and years, the long-running estrogen-fest The View has been one of the most prolific and influential left-wing pop cultural constructs in all of media. Earlier this week, however, two cast members got a taste of their own ideological outrage medicine when Michelle Collins and Joy Behar (who, in the past, has made quite a few jokes about Islamofascism) made a couple of cracks about Miss Colorado Kelly Johnson, who donned indigo nurse scrubs during her ill-fated Miss America bid. After Behar asked why Johnson had a "doctor's stethoscope" around her neck, scores and scores of nursing professionals and nursing professional sympathizers took to Twitter and gave The View a thorough lambasting. Apparently, the #NursesUnited consortium has a lot of clout, as they successfully managed to goad two sponsors -- Johnson & Johnson and Eggland's Best -- into dropping their ads for the program. It's so nice to see healthcare providers coming together to battle against discrimination -- with support from a megalith pharmaceutical company that's been illegally hawking dangerous psychotropic drugs to children for decades and an industry notorious for worker maltreatment, naturally.
Batman gives up battling the Penguin and the Riddler to fight back against black-hatin’ policemen
Simply having JFK, Jr. in bondage gear beat up dudes dressed like Matthew Lesko just ain't going to cut it for today's comic book readers. A new Batman comic released last week feature the Caped Crusader taking on an entirely new villain -- institutional racism. In the story arc, Bruce Wayne must grapple with his own white privilege after a prejudiced copper shoots a black kid modeled after Michael Brown and Trayvon Martin to death. Of course, the comic conveniently excludes some of the seedier details about the homicide victims - no reason to muddy such a complex, intricate social issue with burdensome facts, right? The recasting of millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne into a morose, guilt-laden racism-enabler is but just the most recent in a long line of non-white-washing of comic book characters, including the transformation of Ms. Marvel into a Muslim, the flip-flopping of the Green Lantern into a homosexual and the complete Neitzschean transvaluation of Archie comics from being almost exclusively about a high school kid trying to bone two chicks simultaneously to being a series in which the titular character has a mixed race baby and gets gunned-down by a zealot who hates the gay folks.
Have you ever been chowing down on some greasy, cholesterol-soaked 'tater chips and though to yourself, "you know, I sure do like making my ass fatter with junk food, but by golly, I just wished there was a way to obliquely support the gay rights movement at the same time?" Well, Doritos has answered your inquiry with its all new rainbow-hued chips, a one-and-done novelty product that benefits a nonprofit overseen by a man who once called a gaggle of high-schoolers "pansy asses" for believing in, and I quote, "the bullshit" in the Bible. While the limited-time products aren't nationally available (yet), you can scoop up your own commemorative bag online for just $10. Whether the chips will contain more "trans-fats" to fit the LGBT theme, however, has yet to be publicized.
The NFL corporate leviathan denounced by sportswriter who works for even larger corporate leviathan
In a scathing article published in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, columnist Michael Cunningham decried the NFL as an "unstoppable" menace for, among other things, bilking taxpayers out of stadium subsidies, hiding data on concussion risks from players, promoting the U.S. Armed Forces at events and being "a government-supported bread-and-circus show meant to distract us from the massive transfer of wealth to the already-wealthy." Strong words indeed, especially coming from a person who literally makes his living off writing about the same evil empire and apparently has no qualms about receiving money for his services from a mass media-and-auto-sales war machine whose annual revenue actually surpasses the NFL by a good $6 billion a year.
The Atlantic takes on “carceral state” by ignoring two-thirds of U.S. prison population
Earlier this week, The Atlantic unfurled a gargantuan multimedia series titled "The Age of Mass Incarceration," which prominently features the work of Ta-Nehishi Coates. In his miscellaneous articles, Coates repeatedly rails against the 50-year-old work of pioneering social services policy-framer Patrick Moynihan (while simultaneously calling him a covert supporter of affirmative action), gleefully supports reducing sentences even for violent offenders and more or less spends 5,000 words just to say reparations will fix everything. Interestingly enough, in this long-winded diatribe against the "prison state," not once does Mr. Coates or any of his Atlantic brethren mention that African-Americans represent a considerable minority of the U.S. federal prison population; apparently, the other 62 percent of incarcerated America just don't seem to matter, huh?
Racist Muslim assails T.O. on video, media not sure how to handle it
On Sept. 15, probable NFL Hall of Famer Terrell Owens apparently had an altercation outside a Starbucks in Brentwood, California -- an episode which, according to multiple accounts, entailed allegations of tripping and hot beverages to the face. Rather than focus on the possibility that the team-hopping wide receiver who may or may not have attempted to kill himself back in '06 assaulted a man twice, TMZ America has instead latched onto a video recording which shows the allegedly attacked confronting T.O., threatening to "murder" him and describing him as, and I cannot stress just how much this is a direct quote, "a knuckle-running, spear-chucking, monkey-ass looking motherfucker." When grilled by social justice warriors, the man who cursed out T.O. balked at the claims of racism, stating that he was "Middle Eastern, not KKK" and that no matter how much they hated it, saying the dreaded, ghastly, evil and vile "n-word" isn't a crime, while physically assaulting a man with a Pumpkin Spice Latte is.