A fond look back at all the things that had ultra-P.C. jihadists outraged ... before they forget all about them in just a few days.
By: Jimbo X
Mainstream media finds racism, sexism where there isn't any amid Star Wars hullabaloo
With the juvenile, infantile, anti-intellectual, hyper-consumerist Star Wars franchise unveiling a seventh live-action theatrical film later this year, the media went hogwild when the hashtag #boycottstarwarsvii emerged following the release of a new trailer Monday night. As it turns out, a bunch of nefarious, disgusting and completely intolerant peoples who need to be stamped out of humanity altogether are plum miffed over all the women and people of color starring in the new movie, which according to some Twitter critters, is promoting a white genocide (which, depending on your aversion to indisputable mathematical facts, may or may not have at least an inkling of a smidge of an iota of a microscopic grain of truth to it.) Using this unfortunate event as the latest cattle call to hate the holy hell out of haters, the leftist-lobbyists-posing-as-journalists forgot to mention that the hashtag took off because it was a prank originating on the 4Chan forums and NOT a Stormfront paramilitary all-call. But hey, at least they got a minor culture war victory, pressuring Target to yank a "sexist" children's tee shirt because it features Darth Vader pointing menacingly at Luke Skywalker instead of Princes Leia.
A San Francisco middle school abandons democracy for not being multicultural enough
In middle school, youngsters usually learn the gist of the American political system; in a democratic state, majority rules, and the representative who garners the most votes receives an unspoken decree to govern the masses (uh, just ignore all that stuff about the Electoral College, though.) Well, Lena Van Haren, principal of Everett Middle School in -- where else? Good Ol' San Fran -- was none too pleased when it came time for kids to vote in their student council elections, and too many damned white folks got votes. Rather than allow the democratic process to continue, she used her executive powers to halt the election, and figure out a way to make the council more representative of the school as a whole. This, despite the fact that the voting process took place in homeroom and measures were made to insure that EVERY student cast a ballot. Rather than simply permit the children to have personal responsibility and therefore the ability to make their own judgments, some parents have blamed the grave error in populism on white privilege, with one PTA mom stating the non-black and non-Hispanic candidates had "more resources" to win their campaigns. School officials have gone on record as saying the incident is a "teachable moment" -- although they remain suspiciously mum on what it is, precisely, that the middle school students are actually being taught.
It was NOT a good week to be a high school band...
With all the hubbub going on these days about athletes being proponents of sexism, racism and homophobia, it's about damn time the high school marching bands of America picked up the slack and started getting blamed for perpetrating micro-hate crimes, too. Case in point? The entitled cretins at Atascoita High School outside of Houston, who face strict disciplinary actions for giving a rival school's band a gift basket consisting of, among other things, coconuts, pineapples and WATERMELON GUM, which is we all know nowadays, has the exact same cultural connotation as a flaming cross or a swastika. Meanwhile, a student in Virginia has been blackballed for life, when he accidentally played -- and this is a direct quote, I promise -- "a racist parody of the 'Duck Tales' theme song" -- during a prep rally. He later claimed the incident was a miscue, as he thought he was synching up the tune "Niggas in Paris" instead.
The mayor of Chicago blames viral videos for increased murder rate, ignores own data from 2013
Sick and tired of living in a prejudicial, intolerant culture, 'Clock Kid' and company head to Qatar
By now, we are all aware of the saga of Ahmed Mohamed, the Houston-area kid who became the victim of "Anti-Muslim sentiment" when he brought a homemade clock -- which he actually didn't make and wasn't asked to bring to school by any of his professors -- and plugged it in an electrical socket, you know, for kicks and giggles, in class and scaring the living beejebers out of everybody, just a few days after the anniversary of 9/11. After being suspended for what is, at best, a stupid prank (and at worst, a deliberate attempt to terrify his peers for some shady, albeit increasingly coherent reason), he got suspended, which prompted a deluge of scholarship offers and an eventual invitation to the White House by the Commander in Chief himself. Well, now the Mohameds have announced they have had it up to HERE with all of America's intolerance and prejudice and what-have-you, so they're hauling stakes to Qatar, where Ahmed will no-doubt receive a high-quality, free-of-charge STEM education from a nation where stoning, flogging and slavery all remain legal.
Ebony gets lambasted for cover criticizing the legacy of The Cosby Show
One of the nation's longest-running black-interests magazines is catching a heck of a lot of flack for their latest issue, which features a symbolically shattered portrait of the beloved Cosby Show family. As Salon reports, this has brewed up quite the controversy among people with names that are generally appropriated to those who are more melanin-rich, with one irate reader stating that she will boycott the magazine for "slandering" all the good things the show starring a man who has since been accused of committing dozens upon dozens of sex crimes has done for, uh, historically black colleges, somehow. Count former Cosby Show co-star Malcolm Jamal Warner among the irked, who alleges the cover -- in addition to putting his disgraced sugar daddy in a negative light -- also perpetuates the "myth" of broken African American homes. You know, that "myth" backed up by inarguable numbers and mountains upon mountains of irrefutable research-based evidence.
Absolutely awe-inspiring allegations arise against Saudi Arabian royalty living in L.A.
While some in the American media yammered on and on about American Horror Story allegedly promoting rape culture, the reporting corp was suspiciously silent about the real world allegations of sexual harassment coming out the palatial Los Angeles mansion of Saudi prince Majed bin Abdullah bin-Adbulaziz Al Saud (his friends just call him "Todd".) In a recent suit, three female employees accuse Majed of dry humping them, showing him his wang-doodle while engaged in miscellaneous drug-fueled sexual activities and -- the real kicker -- forcing his subordinates to watch him fart in the face of an assistant. Although the L.A. County District Attorney's Office dropped attempted rape charges against him, Majed still faces a litany of potential misdemeanor charges -- which really makes me curious about what the police code for "aggravated flatulence" is in Southern Cal.
Colleges do their part to fight racism, sexism by removing rebel flags, changing literally one word in fight song
...and just so you remember that the U.S. doesn't hold a monopoly on batshit crazy heads-of-state...
In a move producing so much cognitive dissonance earlier this week that several progressivist types reported seeing a Blue Screen of Death, the prime minister of Israel actually defended Adolf Hitler, stating that he just wanted to expel Jews until those no-good Arabs gave him the idea to gas 'em and burn 'em by the literal trolley-load. In turn, this resulted in a similarly brain-breaking situation in which high-ranking German officials gleefully took full credit for the Holocaust, so as to not sound anti-Palestinian or nothin'. And just when you think you've heard it all, China turns around and gives their equivalent of the Nobel Peace Prize to Robert god-damn-mother-fucking Mugabe...
Salon scribe says the only way we'll overcome racism is to abandon reasonable thought altogether
The Atlantic blasts Wikipedia for not having enough female editors
Tons of fun emerges from the SEC states!
Boy, you don't know what you are missing if you live above or to the west of the Mason-Dixon Line! Down in Tennessee, we experienced a rare non-white/Asian school shooting at Tennessee State University, where a young person was shot and killed over a dice game dispute. Meanwhile, it was reveled that a reporter covering the University of Alabama beat down in Tide Country actually set herself on fire in a mysterious car blaze last month, complete with store surveillance footage emerging of her buying a can of gas and some lighters following a fight with her boyfriend. And topping it all off, a principal and a coach down in Louisiana caused quite the scene when the walked into a costume party bedecked as "People of Wal-Mart," complete with a cardboard display reading "you wait on da pay, I be waiting for da first of da month." In today's outrage-obsessed social system, you'd think this one would get a bit more play in the national news: then again, they'd also force people to acknowledge that poor people come in more than one shade, and really, who wants to get into a discussion about classism?
Sesame Street unveils the first autistic puppet on television ... and its executives are proud it isn't statistically representative of children who actually have ASDs
Seeing as how they already have the AIDS-infected puppet demographic squared away, the long-running
Marijuana use has more than doubled over the last 15 years, and because it isn't addictive, so have the number of people reporting weed-related dependency issues
With more and more states legalizing marijuana for "medical" and recreational usage, it's probably not that surprising that, according to a recent NIAAA report published in the journal JAMA, the percentage of U.S. adults who have toked up over the course of a year has grown from 4.1 in 2002 to 9.5 today. Strangely enough, that report was complemented by a second report published by Columbia researchers the journal JAMA Psychiatry earlier this week that found the number of U.S. adults with marijuana use disorder has also doubled over the same time frame. Proving once and for all that weed is a wonderful gift from God with no negative side effects whatsoever, researchers now estimate that approximately one-third of the nation's marijuana users are physically dependent on the substance.
Your weekly reminder to be very, VERY happy to reside in the U.S. of A...
And to wrap up this installment of This Week in Social Justice Warrior-dom, remember: as bad as things may be here in the states, step-siblings are having incestuous necrophiliac sex with their dead parents in Argentina, child gang rape cartels are running wild in India and Arab people -- when they aren't butchering people to death in IKEA -- are getting butchered themselves by racist people in Darth Vader masks with samurai swords. We may not be perfect, but we don't own a monopoly on absurd, nihilistic horror, either.