Monday, November 30, 2015

2015 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings (Week 13)

For all the marbles...

By: Jimbo X

The Associated Press? The USA Today's Coaches Poll? Whatever jibber-jabber is being puked out over at ESPN and Bleacher Report? Puh-leeze, we all know those alleged "Top 25" countdowns are pathetic jokes penned by homers, Power Five loyalists and Notre Dame nuthuggers. That's why I decided to release my own weekly rundown of the best FBS college football squads in the States, completely devoid of all the usual fanboyism and corporate malarkey that makes lists of the like elsewhere so unbelievably annoying. 

Throughout the regular season, a new installment will go up every Wednesday morning, so you may want to bookmark this sucker for future reference ... and to show to all of your fellow NCAA football lovin' chums, so they can know that -- at least somewhere out in the tangled, endlessly frustrating World Wide Web -- there's someone on the Internet with some goddamn horse sense when it comes to ranking college 'ball teams. 

Clemson (12-0)
Next Opponent: vs. North Carolina

The Tigers wrapped up the regular season with a 37-32 win over arch rivals South Carolina. While Deshaun Watson looked all right passing (279 yards, 20 for 27 and a TD) where he really shined was in scrambling mode, as he collected 114 yards and three touchdowns on the ground. 

Iowa (12-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Michigan State

It was close, but the Hawkeyes still closed out the regular college football season undefeated with a 28-20 Thanksgiving victory over Nebraska. While Iowa's run game - powered by back Jordan Canzeri, who had two scores and 140 yards on 17 carries - looked decent, the passing game and especially the pass defense looked anemic. Iowa wrapped up the game with just 97 aerial yards on nine completions, while the Cornhuskers finished the contest with 296. Thank goodness for Tommy Armstrong's four interceptions, no?

Oklahoma (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

In one of the biggest statement games of the weekend, the Sooners absolutely rocked Oklahoma State, pounding them 58-23 with a rollicking run game that posted five scores and 344 yards overall. Alas, even in victory, Oklahoma's ineffectiveness against the pass glared like a blinking "hit-me-here" weak spot on an NES end boss; at the final horn, they let the Cowboys drop 325 aerial yards on them, a sum nearly doubling their own cumulative passing yardage (180.) 

Alabama (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Florida

Defense and a solid run game has carried 'Bama all season long, and their strategy was no less effective in one of the more lop-sided Iron Bowls in recent memory. The Crimson Tide had 286 rushing yards - with 271 of them racked up by Derrick Henry - in a 29-13 win over the 6-6 Auburn Tigers. As expected, the U of A's D kept a tight lid on Auburn's production; they finished the game with a measly 91 rushing yards and just 169 in the air. 

Michigan State (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Iowa

Connor Cook looked terrific in Michigan State's 55-16 throttling of Penn State, tossing the rock 248 yards for three scores and concluding the affair going 19 for 26 on passing attempts. The Spartans' run game was also tight, as the squad's running back corps combined for 188 yards and three trips to the end zone. 

Ohio State (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

If you ever wanted to know what was more important in college football - sound rushing or sound passing - the Buckeye' 42-13 win over arch rivals Michigan tells you loud and clear. While the Wolverines had 307 yards passing (compared to Ohio State's 113), the Buckeyes absolutely smoked Michigan on the ground, outrushing them 369 yards to 57 - with Ezekiel Elliot and J.T. Barret galloping for a combined five touchdowns. 

North Carolina (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Clemson

The Tar Heels had little problem getting past NC State, as the 11-1 ACC dark horse ran past the Wolfpack 45-34. While NC State did outpass UNC, the Tar Heels easily took the upper hand (err, cleat?) when it came to the ground attack; NC State finished the contest with 308 yards and two scores on 52 carries, while UNC wrapped up the contest with 374 yards and four touchdowns on 41 rushes. 

Houston (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Temple

Greg Ward, Jr. had a career day against the Midshipmen over the Thanksgiving break, as he led the Cougars to a 52-31 win over Navy. Houston's QB wrapped up the game with 308 yards on 26 completions for three touchdowns - plus another 83 yards on the ground, with an additional end zone visitation.

Stanford (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. USC

While it is going to take nothing less than a miracle for the (singular) Cardinal to wind up in the playoffs, their 38-36 win over the Irish certainly boosts their bowl stock. Kevin Hogan absolutely drubbed Notre Dame's secondary, goign 17 for 21 and lobbing the rock 269 yards for four touchdowns. Especially noteworthy? Wideout Devon Cajuste, who accumulated a TD and 125 yards on just five receptions.

Florida State (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

In a completely meaningless game, the playoff-ousted Seminoles pounded the SEC championship-bound Gators like a gong, 27-2. Dalvn Cook was certainly the MVP of the Sunshine State showdown, as he concluded the contest with 183 yards and two touchdowns on 26 carries. Going 14 for 28 with 160 yards and a TD pass, Sean Maguire, theoretically, was OK ... just as long as you take out those two god awful scrambling attempts, which combined, resulted in negative 40 yards

Notre Dame (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

Their 38-36 heartbreaker loss to Stanford pretty much eliminates Notre Dame from playoff eligibility, but at least they can take some solace in playing a pretty good game overall in the final week of regular season play. DeShone Kizer had 234 yards passing (plus another 128 scrambling) with two touchdowns, while talented up-and-coming back Josh Adams wrapped up the affair with 168 yards and a TD on 18 carries. Too bad their defense couldn't stop those four touchdown passes from Kevin Hogan, though...

TCU (10-2)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.

In a rain-slicked season finale, the Horned Frogs managed to outlast Baylor 28-21 in a double overtime thriller. Trevone Boykin had two touchdowns and an interception, going 18 for 33 and racking up 148 passing yards, collecting another six points with his legs and averaging out to 16 yards on 14 rushing attempts. With 148 receiving yards overall, TCU bested Baylor's aerial production by 86 yards - now who'd thunk these two would have combined for only 234 passing yards back in this particular tilt back in August?

Florida (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Alabama

The Gators didn't even bother showing up for their contest against FSU, as they let the Seminoles roll all voer them to the tune of 27-2. Treon Harris averaged just 3.5 yards per pass, going 19 for 38 for 134 yards. Kelvin Taylor played quite a bit better - 136 yards on 24 carries - but as the score indicates, this is a team with some serious problems finding their way into enemy end zone. 

Baylor (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Texas

Although Baylor outrushed TCU 273 to 154, they just didn't have enough juice in their passing game to win a war of attrition. Chris Johnson went seven for 24 for a TD and an INT a piece, as the Bears fell to the Horned Frogs 28-21 in double O.T. Although Devin Chafin looked good - 119 yards and two end zone trips - the receiving corps just blew it (as indicated by no-name KD Cannon leading Baylor in receiving with just 28 yards on three catches.)

Oklahoma State (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

Talk about a late season collapse! Undefeated as of three weeks ago, the Cowboys suffered their second - and playoff dreams ending - loss of the season on Saturday, as Oklahoma drubbed 'em 58-23. Strangely enough, OK State actually outgunned OU 325 yards to 180, but since the Sooners outran them 344 yards to 132 - with five touchdowns, no less - I guess you can figure out why the Cowboys wound up dropping this one. 

Northwestern (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

Illinois may have outpassed Northwestern 241 yards to 146, but the Wildcats had the last laugh with their far more potent run game. In their 24-14 win over the Illini, NW had 204 rushing yards on 54 carries, with two of them resulting in end zone cruises. Keep an eye on back Justin Jackson; the talented rusher had 172 yards on 37 carries, a sum doubling Illinois' entire rushing offense. 

Temple (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Houston

The Owls had no difficulties whatsoever pummeling UConn en route to the AAC title game this weekend. In the 27-3 victory, P.J. Walker went 19 for 29 for 160 yards and a solo TD, while underrated back Jahad Thomas rolled for 119 yards and two touchdowns on 20 carries. Equally impressive was Temple's defense, which limited the Huskies to 129 yards passing and just nine yards rushing. 

Navy (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Army

Houston got the best of the Cougars over the break, as they dropped a tough one 52-31. Alas, Keenan Reynolds did look pretty good in the losing effort; he went 13 for 16 on pass attempts, producing 312 yards and a touchdown, while picking up another 84 yards - and and additional TD - with his legs. 

Western Kentucky (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Southern Mississippi

The Hilltoppers are winners of four in a row, last seen pummeling Marshall 49-28. Quarterback Brandon Doughty had a hell of a game against the Thundering Herd, as he racked up 370 yards and FIVE touchdown passes on 27 attempts. The run stats are pretty impressive as well. Back Anthony Wales had 131 yards and a TD on 24, while WK's defense limited Marshall to just 31 yards on the ground. 

Toledo (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

The Rockets put their best foot forward over the weekend, but they still succumbed to Western Michigan 35-30 on Saturday. QB Philip Ely had 280 yards and two touchdowns on 16 completions, and Kareem Hunt looked stellar on the ground with 139 yards and a solo TD on 20 carries. Alas, the defense never came through, as Toledo let the Broncos rack up 268 yards in the air and another 148 rushing.

Appalachian State (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. South Alabama

There really isn't a whole to say about the Mountaineers 28-7 win over Louisiana Lafayette over the weekend. Sure, the Ragin' Cajuns may have had more overall aerial yards (although App State had more aerial touchdowns), but there is no denying who won the run game: Saturday's final tally? Mountaineers, 230 yards with three touchdowns, and LL? A measly 42 yards and a solo excursion into the end zone. 

Michigan (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

Jake Rudock's 263 yard day wasn't enough to help the Wolverines survive Ohio State, who utterly thrashed the the blue and gold over the weekend, 42-13. Sure, Jehu Chesson looked good with 111 yards and a TD on eight receptions, but the run game was rotten; not only did Michigan put up a low 57 yards with their own rushing attack, they let the Buckeyes pound them with theirs for 369 yards and five scores. 

Memphis (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

The Tigers didn't just beat SMU, they massacred them. Tigers QB Paxton Lynch set a new NCAA Division I record by tossing seven touchdown passes against the Mustangs ... in the first two quarters alone. In the 63-0 slaying, Memphis absolutely shut down Southern Methodist: at the final whistle, they had only 64 yards passing and a miserable 35 rushing. 

Oregon (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D.

Vernon Adams, Jr. looked all shades of Mariota in the Ducks 52-42 shootout win over Oregon State. The Oregon QB wrapped up the contest with three touchdowns and 366 yards on 28 completions - and he got plenty of assistance from the solid rushing corps, who combined for another 308 yards and four touchdowns. Leading the quack pack was Royce Freeman, with two touchdowns and 167 yards on 27 rushing attempts. After a disappointing start, this young team really has all the makings of a stellar offensive unit next season. 

Georgia (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. T.B.D. 

The Bulldogs may have bested Georgia Tech 13-7 to wrap up their season, but nobody in the Peach State is talking about that. Rather, it's the fate of the perennial underperforming squad following the departure of long-time head coach Mark Richt, who hung up his clipboard just hours after the Dawgs' final game of the regular season. With inconsistent quarter backing and a seemingly cursed halfback position, rebuilding UGA next season probably won't be an easy task for whoever ends up taking over the red and black in the offseason. 

Sunday, November 29, 2015

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play from Week 12's Raiders vs. Titans Game

By: Jimbo X

10:37 a.m. -- LIVE coverage of today's Raiders/Titans game begins at 1 p.m. Eastern this afternoon. Be sure to hit the refresh button often, as updates will be posted during every commercial break. And hey! Why don't you do we here at The Internet Is In America a favor and retweet and Facebook this thing while you are at it?

12:42 p.m. -- Both teams are numerically within the playoff race (in the case of the 2-8 Titans, primarily because the AFC South is so shit), but the 4-6 Raiders need a win this afternoon in the worst possible way ... especially after losing some wildcard ground to K.C. over the last few weeks.

12:46 p.m. -- Lee Smith and Charles Woodson are both probable for the game, while Taiwan Jones and Rod Streater will be game time decisions. Tennessee WR Kendall Wright will most likely suit up for the Titans. 

1:02 p.m. -- It is 57 degrees and cloudy in Nashville. The Titans are set to receive first.

1:03 p.m. -- It is a touchback, so TEN will start from their own 20. OAK blitzes and Mariota has to chuck it for no gain.

1:04 p.m. -- Second and 10. The halfback gets two. Third and eight coming up. MM under pressure, so he throws a spiral to Memphis. Here comes the TEN punting unit.

1:05 p.m. -- And OAK will begin their first drive at their own 40. Cooper with a seven yard pick up on the first play. 

1:06 p.m. -- Under pressure, Carr throws a short pass to Cooper, who comes up short. And Carr is hurt.

1:08 p.m. -- In comes Matt McGloin. And he does nothing with the blitz on. Fourth and three, and Marquette King has gotta' punt.

1:09 p.m. -- And TEN will begin within their own 10. 

1:11 p.m. -- The Titans are winless in their last 10 home games, by the way. Second and seven. TEN is about two yards shy of moving the sticks. 

1:12 p.m. -- And MM cannot convert. The Titans have to punt it away again.

1:13 p.m. -- OAK takes over around their own 40 again. And it looks like Carr is coming back into the game.

1:15 p.m. -- Murray rumbles for about five. And Murray gets dropped behind the line. Third and 8. Flags everywhere. It is a false start call on TEN. 

1:18 p.m. -- Third and three. And Crabtree moves the sticks.

1:19 p.m. -- Second and nine. Tony Bergstrom is filling in at center for Rodney Hudson. 

1:20 p.m. -- Murray drops a pass. Third and nine. Carr under pressure and an impromptu shuttle pass to Cooper yields no fruit. Punt time.

1:21 p.m. -- TEN starts at their own 12.

1:24 p.m. -- Walker picks up a huge chunk of yardage. TEN at midfield. And a slant pass puts them in OAK territory.

1:25 p.m. -- Walker with another seven yard pick-up. Second and four. The back picks up a yard, maybe.

1:26 p.m. -- Flag on the play. Personal foul on OAK, so TEN gets 15 free yards.

1:27 p.m. -- TEN at the OAK 20. And Stevens hauls in a 20-yard pass from Mariota to put the Titans on the board first. 

1:28 p.m. -- The Raiders APPEAR to have blocked the extra point and returned it for a touchdown. But the play is ruled dead because of an illegal forward pass on Tennessee. 6-0, Titans.

1:30 p.m. -- So Tennessee re-kicks, and OAK takes over at their own 20. Cooper with five yards on first down.

1:33 p.m. -- Second and five. And Roberts reels in a HUGE catch down the middle to take the Raiders to the TEN 30.

1:34 p.m. -- And Carr gets sacked to make it a second and 17. And Murray breaks off a huge run to pick up a new set of downs for the Raiders.

1:35 p.m. -- Second and nine. And Jamie O rolls for ten yards and a first down.

1:37 p.m. -- First and goal for the Raiders. AND CRABTREE HAULS IT IN FOR THE SCORE!

1:38 p.m. -- Sea-bass is automatic. OAK takes the lead, 7-6.

1:41 p.m. -- Titans take over at their own 20. Second and seven. The back picks up two, maybe.

1:42 p.m. -- Third and four. Mariota under pressure and lobs it away. TEN then gets hit by a holding penalty. Obvious punting situation, here.

1:43 p.m. --And OAK will take over at their own 40 as the first quarter comes to an end.

1:46 p.m. -- Cooper hauls in a big catch on first down. OAK at the TEN 45. Under pressure, Carr cannot connect to Crabtree, who almost had an impressive one-handed catch.

1:48 p.m. -- Murray rushes for what is close to a first down. Third and two. No dice on a pass to Crabtree. OAK going for it on fourth. And Carr drops the ball, giving TEN possession at midfield.

1:52 p.m. -- TEN at right around the 50 yard marker. Second and 10. Third and five coming up. TEN takes a timeout, with 11:25 left in the half. 

1:56 p.m. -- MM under pressure, and he cannot do anything with the ball. Fourth and five, and here comes the punter.

1:57 p.m. -- Roughing the kicker call on OAK gives TEN the ball back at the OAK 30. Flags everywhere. Holding on TEN. Second and 14. Now third and nine.

2:00 p.m. -- AND MM GETS SACKED. Fourth and 14, and it looks like the Titans got knocked out of field goal range. 

2:01 p.m. -- Fair catch at OAK's own 10. But there is a flag. Holding on OAK, so that makes it more or less first and 10 at the Raiders' own one yard line.

2:03 p.m. -- Their own four yard line, excuse me. Second and seven. 

2:04 p.m. -- Third down. Three yards for a first down. 


2:06 p.m. -- That was close to a 30-yard pick-up by Amari. Carr scrambles to make it a 3 and 2.

2:08 p.m. -- OAK takes a timeout. And Murray rolls to put the Raiders into TEN territory.

2:09 p.m. -- Murray gets stuffed behind the line. 2 and 11. And Clive Walford with an 11 yard pick up to move the chains.

2:10 p.m. -- And Cooper takes it 10 to put OAK at the TEN 25.

2:11 p.m. -- Second and nine. Crabtree gets four to make it a third and five. 

2:13 p.m. -- Actually, it is a third and six situation. Flags everywhere. False start on OAK. Third and 11 now.

2:16  p.m. -- And Carr bombs it to Walford to put the Raiders within the Titans' 10. Two minutes left in the half.

2:18 p.m. -- First and goal. Murray gets sent backwards. 

2:19 p.m. -- Tennessee calls a timeout. 1:55 left in the half. 

2:20 p.m. -- Nearly intercepted. Third down coming up.

2:21 p.m. -- Carr scrambles. Fourth and goal. Here comes Janikowski. 

2:22 p.m. -- Of course he is good. 10-6, Oakland, with a minute left in the second quarter.

2:23 p.m. -- TEN takes over around their own 20. Titans at midfield. Forty seconds left. TEN at the OAK 40. Third and two. 

2:25 p.m. -- And no dice. Fourth and two coming up with thirteen seconds remaining.

2:26 p.m. -- TEN going for it. And the pass is batted down. OAK takes over with a 60 yard field. Deep threat time, just for giggles?

2:27 p.m. -- Raiders at the 50. Two seconds left. We get some scrambling cuteness, but nothing leading to points on the board.

2:29 p.m. -- Our score at halftime? OAK 10, TEN 6.

2:33 p.m. -- At the midway point of the game, the Raiders have 180 receiving yards, while Tennessee has 125. OAK only has 37 rushing yards heading into the third, but considering TEN only has seven yards on the ground, that's really not that distressing.

2:42 p.m. -- The rain is starting to come down. OAK takes over at their own 30. 

2:43 p.m. - Murray with a sweet spin move to make it second and six. And he chugs down the middle to move the chains.

2:45 p.m. -- Second and nine. Murray finds a hole and picks up bout four.

2:46 p.m. -- Third and five at the OAK 45. And Cooper with a HUGE GAIN down to the TEN 10!

2:47 p.m. -- Overthrow to Cooper on first down. Second and 10. Murray runs for about two.

2:49 p.m. -- Third and eight. AND ROBERTS JUKES FOR A 10-YARD TD!

2:50 p.m. -- Sea-bass is on the mark. Raiders lead, 17-6.

2:52 p.m. -- TEN takes over at their own 20. Second and 10, and it is really pouring.

2:53 p.m. -- Pass interference call on OAK gives TEN an automatic first down. And OAK breaks up a long bomb from Mariota.

2:55 p.m. -- Second and 10 at their own 30. the back gets five, maybe. The blitz is on, and Mariota cannot connect.

2:57 p.m. -- But Carrie gets ANOTHER holding call to keep TEN's drive alive. And Andrews breaks off about a ten-yard run to take TEN to midfield.

2:58 p.m. -- MM scrambles. Second and 3 at the OAK 40. And TEN converts.

2:59 p.m. -- OAK takes a timeout because Malcolm Smith lost his helmet. No, seriously.

3:01 p.m. -- About eight left in the third. And the Titans take it to the Raiders' 20.

3:02 p.m. -- Second and seven. And that's a TD for TEN, as Douglas reels in a 20-yard haul. And the two point conversion is good, as Tennesee narrows the game to a 17-14 Oakland lead.

3:06 p.m. -- Yeah, you can thank TJ Carrie's dumb ass for all of that. And the Raiders follow that up by coughing the ball up on the kick return. Well, of course they would.

3:08 p.m. -- At least Khalil Mack splatters MM on first down. Second and 17. Now third and 10, at the OAK 20. 

3:10 p.m. -- Walker to the OAK five. But there is a flag ... on TEN! Pass interference call negates the pick-up. 

3:11 p.m. -- Third and 20. AND AMERSON GETS THE INTERCEPTION! OAK takes over around their own 30.

3:14 p.m. -- Second and eight. And Marcel Reece almost rumbles enough for the new set of downs.

3:15 p.m. -- Third and one. And OAK has enough to move the sticks.

3:16  p.m. -- Second and nine. About two minutes left in the third. 

3:17 p.m. -- Third and six. Nobody open so Carr plops it down. Marquette King out to punt.

3:18 p.m. -- TEN begins the next drive at their own 10.

3:19 p.m. -- No dice on a long bomb attempt for MM. Not much on a second down run, either. Third and nine.

3:21 p.m. -- And the fourth quarter is upon us, with the Raiders leading by a field goal.

3:23 p.m. -- Nothing go on that one. Tennesee goes three and out, and here comes the punting unit.

3:24 p.m. -- OAK starts at their own 35.

3:26 p.m. -- Second and 11. Murray rushes to make it a three and four.

3:28 p.m. -- Cooper cannot reel it in. Marquette King out to punt. 

3:29 p.m. -- TEN will take over at their own 25.

3:32 p.m. -- The back gets two, maybe three. And TEN burns a timeout.

3:33 p.m. -- Mack almost gets an INT. Third and eight. 

3:34 p.m. -- And Mariota cannot find an open man. Fourth and eight, obvious punting situation.

3:35 p.m. -- OAK to take over at their own 20. But there is a flag. Holding against the Raiders.

3:37 p.m. -- Second and four. Murray finds a hole and squeezes in to move the chains.

3:39 p.m. -- Murray goes nowhere, but there is a flag. Offsides against TEN to make it one and five.

3:40 p.m. -- And Jamie O converts. 

3:41 p.m. -- Sonofabitch, Carr fumbles on a bad snap. Tennesee takes over at the OAK 45. 

3:42 p.m. -- Second and 11. And 3 and 11 approaches.

3:43 p.m. -- TEN moves the chains. First and 10 at the OAK 30.

3:44 p.m. -- Second and eight. About seven left in regulation. Looks like a three and one.

3:45 p.m. -- Mack hit with a personal foul for dropping the People's Elbow in a scrum.

3:47 p.m. -- TEN at the OAK 10. Six minutes to go. 

3:48 p.m. -- Second and goal. MM throws it away. Third and goal.

3:49 p.m. -- Flag on the play. Pass interference on OAK. And MM chucks a TD pass to Fowler to take the 20-17 lead.

3:50 p.m. -- The extra point is good. Tennessee leads, 21-17, with less than five minutes remaining.

3:52 p.m. -- Raiders rumble up to their own 30. But there is a flag. Illegal block in the back call on OAK.

3:54 p.m. -- Cooper gets about 10 to move the chains. 

3:55 p.m. -- Crabtree with a five yard pick-up. Three and a half minutes left. Crabtree cannot reel it in.

3:56 p.m. -- Third and five. ROBERTS WITH A HUGE PICK UP DOWN THE MIDDLE!

3:57 p.m. -- It is against TEN. Raiders at the TEN 40 now.

3:58 p.m. -- Second and eight. 2:20 left in regulation. No dice. Third and eight. 

3:59 p.m. -- And Carr cannot connect. Fourth down, with less than two minutes left.

4:00 p.m. -- This is the game. Roberts is in double coverage ... and a FLAG is down! Pass interference on TEN to keep OAK's drive alive!

4:02 p.m. -- OAK down to the TEN 10. One thirty left. 


4:04 p.m. -- A 12 yard pass and Sea-bass kick gives Oakland the lead with a minute and a half remaining.

4:05 p.m. -- TEN takes over at their own 20 with 1:21 left. 

4:06 p.m. -- No dice on an OAK blitz. Second and 10. 

4:07 p.m. -- Mariota chucks it away. Third and 10.

4:08 p.m. -- TEN takes it to midfield. A minute left.


4:10 p.m. -- And that will do it this afternoon in Nashville, as the Oakland Raiders win a come-from-behind thriller 24-21!

4:11 p.m. -- Oakland improves to 5-6 on the season, and just like that, the Raiders are all of a sudden back in the wildcard race. 

4:12 p.m. -- I ... love ... football ... with a passion?

Saturday, November 28, 2015

This Week in Social Justice Warrior-dom

A fond look back at all the things that had ultra-P.C. jihadists OUTRAGED ... before they forget all about them in just a few days.

By: Jimbo X

North American colleges continue noble quest to regress humanity into eternal childhood

With most universities here in the States closed for Thanksgiving break - which, as we all know by now, is nothing more than a remorseless celebration of ethnic genocide and the promotion of the white patriarchy - there wasn't a whole lot of rabble-rousing and jibber-jabbering on college campuses this week. Alas, there were still quite a bit of hilariously depressing tidbits leaking out of academia, such as the University of Ottawa cancelling yoga classes for "misappropriating culture" - which, to me at least, seems to suggest that ethnic folks can only do things that are classified as distinctively theirs, which is, uh, kinda' racist sounding, actually. Not to be outdone, Columbia University student Nissy Aya became an Internet celebrity when she blamed her inability to graduate on time not on her own lack of effort and concentration, but because reading about western civilization literally traumatized her to the point that she couldn't think straight anymore. Meanwhile, Princeton elected to ban the term "master" on campus, so as to not bring to mind any unfortunate allusions to the North Atlantic slave trade (funny how Jews, Slavs and even Italian students weren't the front-runners on that one, seeing as how they were enslaved for centuries before America even opened its ports to bound blacks.) Alas, not all social justice crusades proved effective: just ask the kids at the University of Minnesota, whose decision to repeal a moment of silence during a 9/11 memorial because it may offend Muslims, was reinstated, but only after several Islamic student unions on campus gave it their A-OK. Although seemingly disparate, all of these (fairly manufactured) outrages appear to serve the exact same progressive principle: to keep students in a perpetual state of discontent - and afforded no faculties of their own to resolve, or even logically process, issues - to always seek out authority to fix their problems for them. Power to the people? No, more like more power to those who already have it, simply because it prevents today's gilded youth from even thinking about doing things of their own accord. 

New 'Zelda' game draws ire from feminists, transpeople 

With the lucrative interactive entertainment medium still reeling from the sting of GamerGate, feminist and non-cisgendered josytick twiddlers are none too happy over a new "The Legend of Zelda" offshoot, which features a female version of the iconic Link protagonist named, rather uncreatively Linkle. Alas, to many menstruating  and cross-dressing Mario enthusiasts, Nintendo has committed a sin much worse than being uninspired: indeed, they are promoting misogyny by giving the new character a "feminized" crossbow weapon and offending the greater trans-gaming-community by making the character a stereotypical CIS-female. Still, some saw it as at least a partial win against that insufferable male hierarchy. "We can take Linkle as a sign of progress in that Nintendo is being somewhat forced to address the glaring holes in their anti fem-Link logic," wrote one female gaming "journalist," who mentions she is half lion in her bio. So yeah, if you're wondering why nobody takes video gaming serious as an art form - and nobody takes third wave feminism serious as an actual philosophy - this little brouhaha ought to sum it up rather nicely

Clock kid demands $15 million in 'injuries' 

Hey, remember Ahmed Mohammad, the Houston-area teen who brought a suspicious-looking metal briefcase to class a few days after 9/11, against his teachers' wishes, who made the conscious decision to plug it up and proceed to scare the living dog shit out of everyone in school? Well, he's obviously an American hero, well deserving of his invite to the White House, who will no doubt receive all of the adoration and admiration he truly deserves in Qatar. Well, before he embarks on a journey to the Middle East, he first wants $15 million from the school district for all the emotional distress he endured being arrested for this clear-cut example of racial discrimination. Which, of course, begs the question: doesn't that mean everybody in school can sue him for the emotional trauma he put them through with his phony bomb scare? 

New polls indicate the America of tomorrow will be a lot less Caucasian, a lot more socialistic and a lot more likely to throw you in prison for thoughtcrime

Wondering what America, circa 2050, might resemble? Well, a trifecta of polls released over the last few weeks seem to give us a slight indication of where the nation is headed a couple of decades down the pike. According to a new Pew poll, for the first time in American history, white Christian no longer comprise the majority of the national populace, declining from 55 percent of the U.S. general population in 2007 to just 46 percent this year. In fact, nary a single state in the union reported a majority white Christian population, with Louisiana leading the pack with a 49 percent Jesus-loving Honky make-up. Meanwhile, a Rasmussen poll indicates that, among self-avowed U.S. democrats, there is a virtual 50/50 split between those who consider socialism and capitalism the superior economic model. And the cherry on top of the progressive-secularist sundae? Another Pew poll reveals that two-fifths of Millennials in the U.S. are totally cool with the federal government suppressing "hate speech" which may offend minorities. And now, for a totally unrelated and not at all foreboding international news story...

Belgium convicts black comedian of being racist 

With France still reeling from the brutal, hate-fueled massacre of 150-plus people two weeks ago, one of their countrymen finds himself staring down a two-month prison sentence, plus some additional fines, for making "homophobic, racist and anti-Semitic" remarks while performing a comedy routine in Belgium. Diedonne M'bala M'bala - who, as you can guess by the name, ain't exactly porting about a mayonnaise white complexion - was also charged with "inciting hatred" by "furthering National Socialist ideology, primarily because of his usage of a trademark hand gesture that kinda' sorta' resembles the old "Heil Hitler" salute. Then again, controversy ain't exactly anything new for the half Cameroonian comedian - M'bala M'bala is already banned from live performances in the U.K., and earlier this year, the French government tried to send him down the creek for seven years because of a Facebook post.

CNN exercises journalistic excellence by airing completely incredulous 'documentary' on college rape

The originator of the 24-hour news Wehrmacht is taking a lot of heat for airing The Hunting Ground, an alleged "documentary" chronicling that horrible (and horribly undefined) "rape culture" that's eating college campuses alive nowadays. Current Tampa Bay Bucs QB Jameis Winston is threatening to sue over its airing, while the suits at Harvard seem poised to file some paperwork of their own over the film's - to put it mildly - unsubstantiated claims. The flimsy allegations presented in the movie - which includes insightful commentary from the woman who dragged a mattress around the campus of Columbia and quite possibly lied about being sexually assaulted as part of a performance art piece - has already drawn quite a few dubious comparisons to that Rolling Stone piece about a non-existent rape at the University of Virginia - in fact, members of The Hunting Ground crew have already been caught "editing" Wikipedia to fit the "narrative" presented in their flick, including making some suspicious redactions to the entry on Jameis Winston's rape accusations. 

New Jersey cheerleader sacked for taking pro-immigration enforcement convictions to Twitter

Revere High School Cheerleading Captain Caley Godino was asked by one of her teachers to take to social media to highlight their community's "low-voter turnout problem" - which, in Leftist-speak, is pretty much codeword for "why aren't our candidates winning?" On Twitter, Godino said that the problem is likely that so many people in town are illegal immigrants and therefore cannot vote in municipal, state or federal elections - which, in turn, got her booted off the cheer squad, because racism ... even if it's a highly nondescript version of racism in which nothing even remotely resembling race is mentioned. Godino later said she was just taking a page out of Donald Trump's playbook, but following the public execution of her character, she's now really starting to see what the leading Republican front-runner is talking about. "If you're going to stand up and say something that other people will find offensive or hateful, then you need to be prepared to deal with the ramifications of that," said Revere Superintendent Dianne Kelly - leaving out that crucial unstated SJW caveat "you know, just as long as we find it offensive or hateful." 

Islamaofacists may not know tolerance, but they sure do ironic comedy well

Say what you will about ISIS being a bunch of bloodthirsty, unscrupulous maniacs hellbent on bringing humanity to its knees, but by golly, at least they carry out all of their child murders and gang rapes and mass homicide sprees with a sense of humor. Earlier this week, it was revealed that ISIS forces beat 17-year-old, Bosnian "poster girl" Samra Kesinovic to death for desertion, and by golly, good old Saadiq Long, an Oklahoman Muslim fellow who was the proverbial poster child for Patriot Act discrimination because he was on the TSA's "no fly list," was arrested at the Turkey/Syria border while - SWERVE! - trying to join ISIS

Feminist sticks it to the patriarchy by ... BARF!

And wrapping up this Thanksgiving edition of This Week in Social Justice Warrior-dom, I'd like to turn your attention to Zoe Stavri, a feminist blogger who tweets under the all-too-telling handle Another Angry Woman. To celebrate the bounty of delicious foods and plentiful, affordable hygienic consumer goods available throughout the Western world, she decided to concoct a sourdough bread recipe using yeast-yeast -- as in, thrush collected from her own hoo-ha. I'll leave the gory details up to you to figure out on your own time, but as one Twitter user perfectly described? "I think you're confusing mental illness with feminism."