A fond look back at all the things that had ultra-P.C. jihadists OUTRAGED ... before they forget all about them in just a few days.
By: Jimbo X
North American colleges continue noble quest to regress humanity into eternal childhood
With most universities here in the States closed for Thanksgiving break - which, as we all know by now, is nothing more than a remorseless celebration of ethnic genocide and the promotion of the white patriarchy - there wasn't a whole lot of rabble-rousing and jibber-jabbering on college campuses this week. Alas, there were still quite a bit of hilariously depressing tidbits leaking out of academia, such as the University of Ottawa cancelling yoga classes for "misappropriating culture" - which, to me at least, seems to suggest that ethnic folks can only do things that are classified as distinctively theirs, which is, uh, kinda' racist sounding, actually. Not to be outdone, Columbia University student Nissy Aya became an Internet celebrity when she blamed her inability to graduate on time not on her own lack of effort and concentration, but because reading about western civilization literally traumatized her to the point that she couldn't think straight anymore. Meanwhile, Princeton elected to ban the term "master" on campus, so as to not bring to mind any unfortunate allusions to the North Atlantic slave trade (funny how Jews, Slavs and even Italian students weren't the front-runners on that one, seeing as how they were enslaved for centuries before America even opened its ports to bound blacks.) Alas, not all social justice crusades proved effective: just ask the kids at the University of Minnesota, whose decision to repeal a moment of silence during a 9/11 memorial because it may offend Muslims, was reinstated, but only after several Islamic student unions on campus gave it their A-OK. Although seemingly disparate, all of these (fairly manufactured) outrages appear to serve the exact same progressive principle: to keep students in a perpetual state of discontent - and afforded no faculties of their own to resolve, or even logically process, issues - to always seek out authority to fix their problems for them. Power to the people? No, more like more power to those who already have it, simply because it prevents today's gilded youth from even thinking about doing things of their own accord.
New 'Zelda' game draws ire from feminists, transpeople
With the lucrative interactive entertainment medium still reeling from the sting of GamerGate, feminist and non-cisgendered josytick twiddlers are none too happy over a new "The Legend of Zelda" offshoot, which features a female version of the iconic Link protagonist named, rather uncreatively Linkle. Alas, to many menstruating and cross-dressing Mario enthusiasts, Nintendo has committed a sin much worse than being uninspired: indeed, they are promoting misogyny by giving the new character a "feminized" crossbow weapon and offending the greater trans-gaming-community by making the character a stereotypical CIS-female. Still, some saw it as at least a partial win against that insufferable male hierarchy. "We can take Linkle as a sign of progress in that Nintendo is being somewhat forced to address the glaring holes in their anti fem-Link logic," wrote one female gaming "journalist," who mentions she is half lion in her bio. So yeah, if you're wondering why nobody takes video gaming serious as an art form - and nobody takes third wave feminism serious as an actual philosophy - this little brouhaha ought to sum it up rather nicely.
Clock kid demands $15 million in 'injuries'
Hey, remember Ahmed Mohammad, the Houston-area teen who brought a suspicious-looking metal briefcase to class a few days after 9/11, against his teachers' wishes, who made the conscious decision to plug it up and proceed to scare the living dog shit out of everyone in school? Well, he's obviously an American hero, well deserving of his invite to the White House, who will no doubt receive all of the adoration and admiration he truly deserves in Qatar. Well, before he embarks on a journey to the Middle East, he first wants $15 million from the school district for all the emotional distress he endured being arrested for this clear-cut example of racial discrimination. Which, of course, begs the question: doesn't that mean everybody in school can sue him for the emotional trauma he put them through with his phony bomb scare?
New polls indicate the America of tomorrow will be a lot less Caucasian, a lot more socialistic and a lot more likely to throw you in prison for thoughtcrime
Wondering what America, circa 2050, might resemble? Well, a trifecta of polls released over the last few weeks seem to give us a slight indication of where the nation is headed a couple of decades down the pike. According to a new Pew poll, for the first time in American history, white Christian no longer comprise the majority of the national populace, declining from 55 percent of the U.S. general population in 2007 to just 46 percent this year. In fact, nary a single state in the union reported a majority white Christian population, with Louisiana leading the pack with a 49 percent Jesus-loving Honky make-up. Meanwhile, a Rasmussen poll indicates that, among self-avowed U.S. democrats, there is a virtual 50/50 split between those who consider socialism and capitalism the superior economic model. And the cherry on top of the progressive-secularist sundae? Another Pew poll reveals that two-fifths of Millennials in the U.S. are totally cool with the federal government suppressing "hate speech" which may offend minorities. And now, for a totally unrelated and not at all foreboding international news story...
Belgium convicts black comedian of being racist
With France still reeling from the brutal, hate-fueled massacre of 150-plus people two weeks ago, one of their countrymen finds himself staring down a two-month prison sentence, plus some additional fines, for making "homophobic, racist and anti-Semitic" remarks while performing a comedy routine in Belgium. Diedonne M'bala M'bala - who, as you can guess by the name, ain't exactly porting about a mayonnaise white complexion - was also charged with "inciting hatred" by "furthering National Socialist ideology, primarily because of his usage of a trademark hand gesture that kinda' sorta' resembles the old "Heil Hitler" salute. Then again, controversy ain't exactly anything new for the half Cameroonian comedian - M'bala M'bala is already banned from live performances in the U.K., and earlier this year, the French government tried to send him down the creek for seven years because of a Facebook post.
CNN exercises journalistic excellence by airing completely incredulous 'documentary' on college rape
The originator of the 24-hour news Wehrmacht is taking a lot of heat for airing The Hunting Ground, an alleged "documentary" chronicling that horrible (and horribly undefined) "rape culture" that's eating college campuses alive nowadays. Current Tampa Bay Bucs QB Jameis Winston is threatening to sue over its airing, while the suits at Harvard seem poised to file some paperwork of their own over the film's - to put it mildly - unsubstantiated claims. The flimsy allegations presented in the movie - which includes insightful commentary from the woman who dragged a mattress around the campus of Columbia and quite possibly lied about being sexually assaulted as part of a performance art piece - has already drawn quite a few dubious comparisons to that Rolling Stone piece about a non-existent rape at the University of Virginia - in fact, members of The Hunting Ground crew have already been caught "editing" Wikipedia to fit the "narrative" presented in their flick, including making some suspicious redactions to the entry on Jameis Winston's rape accusations.
New Jersey cheerleader sacked for taking pro-immigration enforcement convictions to Twitter
Revere High School Cheerleading Captain Caley Godino was asked by one of her teachers to take to social media to highlight their community's "low-voter turnout problem" - which, in Leftist-speak, is pretty much codeword for "why aren't our candidates winning?" On Twitter, Godino said that the problem is likely that so many people in town are illegal immigrants and therefore cannot vote in municipal, state or federal elections - which, in turn, got her booted off the cheer squad, because racism ... even if it's a highly nondescript version of racism in which nothing even remotely resembling race is mentioned. Godino later said she was just taking a page out of Donald Trump's playbook, but following the public execution of her character, she's now really starting to see what the leading Republican front-runner is talking about. "If you're going to stand up and say something that other people will find offensive or hateful, then you need to be prepared to deal with the ramifications of that," said Revere Superintendent Dianne Kelly - leaving out that crucial unstated SJW caveat "you know, just as long as we find it offensive or hateful."
Islamaofacists may not know tolerance, but they sure do ironic comedy well
Say what you will about ISIS being a bunch of bloodthirsty, unscrupulous maniacs hellbent on bringing humanity to its knees, but by golly, at least they carry out all of their child murders and gang rapes and mass homicide sprees with a sense of humor. Earlier this week, it was revealed that ISIS forces beat 17-year-old, Bosnian "poster girl" Samra Kesinovic to death for desertion, and by golly, good old Saadiq Long, an Oklahoman Muslim fellow who was the proverbial poster child for Patriot Act discrimination because he was on the TSA's "no fly list," was arrested at the Turkey/Syria border while - SWERVE! - trying to join ISIS.
Feminist sticks it to the patriarchy by ... BARF!
And wrapping up this Thanksgiving edition of This Week in Social Justice Warrior-dom, I'd like to turn your attention to Zoe Stavri, a feminist blogger who tweets under the all-too-telling handle Another Angry Woman. To celebrate the bounty of delicious foods and plentiful, affordable hygienic consumer goods available throughout the Western world, she decided to concoct a sourdough bread recipe using yeast-yeast -- as in, thrush collected from her own hoo-ha. I'll leave the gory details up to you to figure out on your own time, but as one Twitter user perfectly described? "I think you're confusing mental illness with feminism."