A fond look back at all the things that had ultra-P.C. jihadists OUTRAGED ... before they forget all about them in just a few days.
By: Jimbo X
Mainstream media is SHOCKED and APPALLED by Donald Trump's Call to Ban Muslims from Entering America
When Republican Presidential frontrunner Donald J. Trump announced he supported temporary immigration restrictions for Muslims in the wake of the 14-corpse Isalmofascist pile-up in San Bernardino last week, left-leaning media outlets collectively shat their britches in
political opportunism-driven glee disgust and umbrage.
Displaying remarkable impartiality on the touchy subject, New York Times "journalists" Patrick Healy and Michael Barbaro stated the declaration was "an extraordinary escalation of rhetoric aimed at voters’ fears about members of the Islamic faith" and "an idea more typically associated with hate groups [that] reflects a progression of mistrust that is rooted in ideology as much as politics." Such a statement would be brass-balled biased even in an editorial, but ever ethically minded, the Times included such opinion-loaded rancor in an actual "news story" on the front page of its paper. Meanwhile, the founder of the Huffington Post published a lengthy "we're super serious this time, guys!" special op-ed in which she described Trump's declaration as a "vicious pronouncement" and "an ugly and dangerous force in American politics" - and then announced she was moving Trump coverage from the site's "entertainment section" to its "politics section," because nothing says "conscientious moral stand" quite like giving the person you loathe even more coverage than you were before. Elsewhere, columnist Jeffrey Goldberg took to Twitter to express his outrage."Donald Trump is now an actual threat to national security," he stated before trailing off into the most ironic statement in the history of humanity. "He's providing jihadists ammunition for their campaign to demonize the US."
Never one to squander an opportunity to label Trump as a black person hater in addition to despising Arabians, Salon scribe Paul Rosenberg took the questionable findings from a questionable report from questionable authors to go ahead and determine that the only reason white folks vote for ANY Republican candidate is because they are racist with a big, white, capital T. "There’s no reason at all to assume that any form of conservatism in America can be separated from white supremacism," he wrote, no doubt using a brush large enough to broadly paint the suspiciously lily-white democratic stronghold of New England in one twitch of the wrist. That said, I will give credit where credit is due and hand out this week's Internet Is In America "Actually Giving A Shit About Real Reporting" Award to Jannell Ross, whose recent Washington Post piece on why non-college-educated whites are more likely to vote for Trump actually had the gall to state that working class, rural white folks in parts of the nation hit hardest by outsourcing may support immigration measures NOT because they are racist pricks, but because unskilled laborers from abroad represent economic competition in an increasingly shrinking job and housing market ... while labor unions continue to rally for legislative reform that pushes even more American-born out of the workforce.
Of course, if Trump's immigration policies never come to fruition, perhaps he can take a page out of Norway's playbook, where government officials recently announced they would hand out both free plane tickets and $9,300 in cash for refugees to go back to wherever they came from. Proving once and for all that none of the Middle Eastern immigrants are fleeing the Arabian peninsula for economic gain under the guise of a humanitarian crisis, only about 1,000 or so refugees have accepted the Norwegian ultimatum.
Coca-Cola pulls ad offensive to indigenous Mexicans
Back in the 1970s, Coca-Cola found tremendous success with an advertising campaign heralding a multicultural utopia united by a global love of fizzy, obesity-triggering consumer goods. Well, the Atlanta-based soft drink behemoth's latest attempt to capture that "I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke" magic backfired something fierce, as the company quickly yanked an online commercial featuring a gaggle of Caucasian Millennials building a Christmas tree out of Coke products in the teeny-tiny Mexican hamlet Totontepec. "Fortunately for Mexico’s Indigenous, white hipsters are here to save them this Christmas with a 'special message,'" stated one irked Twitterer, while another social media critic decried the ad as "out-of-touch racist" and "some genius colonialist branding." Following boycott calls from the Alliance for Food Health, Consumer Power and the National Council to Prevent Discrimination, Coca-Cola Mexico agreed to rescind the commercial and issue a bland apology - complete with the hilariously passive-aggressive promise to never "be insensitive to or underestimate any indigenous group" ever again.
Texas pro-gun group forced to cancel mock massacre protest
Proving that ding-dongs on the right can be just as bone-headed and allergic to reason as those on the left, two "take your guns wherever you damn want" groups announced plans to stage a faux mass shooting - complete with cardboard weapons and gallons of fake blood - at the University of Texas to demonstrate just how useful concealed firearms on campus can be. Unsurprisingly, U of T officials weren't exactly thrilled by the joint Don't Comply Dot Com and Come And Take It Texas request and told them if they even looked at the school they would be charged with criminal trespass. Alas, for all you pro-gunners looking for some ammunition (hardy-har-har) against our regularly scheduled social justice dingbats, take your pick: do you want to target the New York Daily News' disgusting criticism of a man killed in the SoCal terror attack for being an NRA member, or Kashana Cauley for her modern masterpiece of paranoia and ironic racism "A Black Woman Walks into a Gun Show?"
Let's hear it for senseless violence!
You know what I am sick and tired of? All of this political-and-religiously motivated death and destruction going on nowadays. Thankfully, the past few days have given us plenty of examples of non-hate crime and non-terror related mayhem and human depravity. In St. Paul, a teacher's union is threatening to go on strike after a teacher was beaten so badly by a student he had to be treated for brain damage, while in Jolly old England, teens are having a rollicking good time recording themselves punching mentally retarded people in the face for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Want something a little more outlandish? Well, you can always go to Baltimore, where 28-year-old Christopher Harrison, Jr. got so mad at two of his coworkers that he decided to set them both on fire. And yes, if you ever needed your faith in humanity dampened, there is indeed footage of the incident floating around.
The war on
free expression intolerance continues
Proving what we here at the Internet Is In America has been saying for at least three years now, an unnamed professor at Brown University recently told The Daily Beast that a hostile "protest culture" has transformed one of America's most prestigious liberal arts institutions - which is about to invest a whopping $100 million into a new "diversity" initiative - into an ideological dictatorship, where easily-offended youths break out into tears when confronted by even the simplest of criticisms. "If we're going to have a serious conversation about diversity, it should include intellectual diversity, ideological diversity," the nameless prof said. "There's something about the environment here that people are self-censoring so strongly that people aren't speaking out."
Meanwhile, Emory University - one of the most prestigious (read: ungodly expensive) colleges in the Southeast - has decided to placate its serious underprivileged and underserved minority students (who are still able to afford the university's $44,000 a year tuition, somehow) by seriously considering banning Yik Yak from its campus computer networks because black student activists say the platform makes it too easy to transmit "hate speech."
Rounding out our double-plus-good social justice hilarity for the week: a Slate article actually used the term "apostates" to describe feminists who don't consider male-to-female transfolk women, a comedian is staring down jail time in Quebec for making jokes about a terminally ill child and the chairman of Google said he'd like to see the Internet adopt "spell checker for hate" algorithms that automatically remove videos and social media posts reeking of intolerance before they ever taint the World Wide Web. Granted, he said it's primarily for weeding out Islamic terrorist propaganda, but it's not like technology built to take out violent criminals has ever been manipulated to take out nonviolent criminals and non-criminals just because we don't like what they are saying, right?
The Force Awakens ... and so does perceived bigotry
With the latest Star Wars movie hitting theaters next week, of course the social justice warriors out there would find something to bellyache and moan about. In this case, it comes in the form of the Chinese film poster, which omits two African-English characters (and, for some reason, Chewbecca, who I guess is technically brown.) Although they have no qualms sending people to reeducation camps and making people "disappear" for free speech "violations," even the state Chinese P.R. department fear the dreaded scarlet "R" and issued this hard-to-interpret mea culpa: "The change has nothing to do with racism," the Global Times states. "Since the poster is merely a promotion method and an individual case, it would be unfair to criticize Chinese audiences for discriminating against the black actor." Meanwhile, actress Carrie Fisher said those who are offended by the term "Slave Leia" are a bunch of oversensitive morons and - proving once and for all that Star Wars obsessed dweebs are well-functioning people - a Fox News commentator received death and rape threats because she said she had no interest in "watching space nerds poke each other with their little space nerd sticks."
Supreme Court hints it may strike down affirmative action, so Salon decides to bully college student who filed case
With the upcoming SCOTUS case Fisher v. University of Texas almost certain to overturn most of the nation's stringent affirmative action higher education policies (as evidenced by Chief Justice of the United States John Roberts' remark "what unique perspective does a minority student bring to a physics class?"at a recent oral hearing), Salon did what it did best when things don't go there way and decided to mercilessly savage the young woman who filed the initial lawsuit. In addition to calling her a substandard student, the author of the incendiary (if not vindictive) column also accused Abigail Fisher - who looks so much like one of my college girlfriends that I flinched the first time I saw her - of being a race-baiter. "Fisher's case only makes sense if you assume that people of color are inherently less worthy than white people," states scribe Amanda Marcotte. "How else do you justify an argument that assumes that every white person should have been given a shot before minority students do?" Interestingly, Marcotte leaves out other examples of affirmative action in play, including Princeton University's tradition of spotting black applicants an additional 230 SAT points on their admissions while knocking off 50 SAT points for Asian American students.
Funny how the social justice warriors of the world are absolutely aghast at "racial profiling" policies. That is, except for when those "racial profiling policies" benefit them and their agendas, naturally.