Saturday, April 2, 2016

This Week in Social Justice Warrior-dom

A fond look back at all the things that had ultra-P.C. jihadists OUTRAGED ... before they forget all about them in just a few days.

By: Jimbo X

International conglomerates take a stand for 'human rights' in the Deep South while continuing to not give a shit about 'human rights' abroad

Unless you've been living under a rock for the last few weeks (your pick - sedimentary or igneous!), you've probably heard a thing or two about Georgia's House Bill 757 and North Carolina's House Bill 2 - namely, the fact that said pieces of legislation are the handiwork of homo-haters who are probably also racist and misogynistic as fuck based simply on the fact they reside in the southeastern United States and are most likely that ever-problematic combination of white, Christian AND conservative. Needless to say, the media has given NC and Ga. (which, fittingly enough, is just one letter off from officially being abbreviated as "Gay,") quite the ass-pounding for their bills, citing them as wholly discriminatory against the states' LGBT population and precisely the sort of backwards thinking, regressivist claptrap that held up the civil rights of colored people for the better part of a century. All of that slobbering anti-hate hatred aside, the same folks calling the bills homophobic really haven't expressed what it is about said bills that is expressively, unmistakably homophobic. Indeed, the words "gay," "homosexual," "transgender" or "heterosexual" don't show up in the official language of either bills, meaning this must be one of those slippery slope deals that - ironically enough - is the exact kind of logical "fallacy" those opposed to pro-LGBT legislation are endlessly derided for worrying about

Let's start with North Carolina's bill first, which was signed into law after all of the state's Democrats took their respective balls and went home instead of voting on sending the bill to governor. More or less, the bill prevents local municipalities from creating their own anti-discrimination ordinances and mandates that public schools designate their bathrooms and locker rooms for single-sex occupants - which, naturally, is derived from whatever "gender" is noted on an individual's birth certificate (keep in mind, however, that this only applies to multiple-occupancy facilities - there's nothing on the books preventing these public entities from authorizing single-occupancy restrooms and showers for any and all sexes.) As you'd imagine, a lot of LGBTQI folks ain't too happy with the measure, 'cause they say it allows public entities to discriminate against the not-straight folks, although in this instance, the law itself doesn't say a dadgum thing about not allowing people access to toilets based on their sexual preferences. Since this hurts the feelings of North Carolina's transgender population who haven't acquired government forms stating their "new" sex is different from their biologically-designated sex at birth, though, a ton of companies and organizations - Google, Paypal, American Airlines and the NCAA, among them - have stated that they might just haul stakes out of N.C. altogether because, by golly, profits just ain't worth it at the expense of mildly inconveniencing a minority group whose rank consists of maybe 700,000 people across the entire freakin' country. Indeed, the Human Rights Campaign is urging the federales to levy billions in fines against the state for non-compliance with Title IX - but more on the alleged humanitarian roots of the bill backlash in just a bit. 

At least on the superficial level, I can maybe sorta' kinda' see why some folks would be a bit miffed at the N.C. law (this, despite the fact that the very thing its proponents said they were most concerned about happening without the law in place has already happened in Seattle). Georgia's bill, however, is even less direct than the Tarheel State's legislation. Fundamentally, all HB 757 does is ensure that organizations registered as tax-exempt religious nonprofits can't be sued for denying services to individuals or not hiring people in accordance to whatever religious beliefs they support. It's hardly an aberrational piece of legislation, seeing as how at least 20 other states have virtually identical laws on their books. Alas - for some mysterious reason - the entire freaking world turned their ire towards Georgia, with the NFL, Disney, Coca-Cola, Home Depot, Twitter, Dell, AMC, Salesforce, Microsoft, Intel, Unilever and Apple all urging Gov. Nathan Deal to veto the legislation or else they'll pull out of the state and/or reconsider making any local future investments thereAs expected, however, soon-to-be-outgoing governor Deal shot down the bill March 28, not at all ironically declaring "I do not respond well to threats or insults" in his mea culpa. 

So obviously, all of these companies are so concerned about the plight of the LGBT community that they are willing to sacrifice financial benefits in order to make a point that homophobia in this day and age, no matter what it looks like, simply will not be tolerated. Not in a million years would said organizations simply be ganging up on these state legislatures to reinforce their political power in the most controversial campaign season since the 1960s - of which a large amount of the populist ire centers on the fact that said companies continue to ship American jobs elsewhere and avoid paying trillions in U.S. taxes in the process. In no way, shape or form would these people EVER seize low-hanging fruit like the Georgia and N.C. bills to make it appear as if they are forward-thinking and socially conscious and NOT a bunch of cutthroat capitalist opportunists who are trying to win over progressive special interests with strong lobbying abilities that are peculiarly disproportionate to their general share of the U.S. populace

In fact, the National Football League is SO gung ho about the civil rights of the LGBT community that two days after threatening to bar Atlanta from hosting the Super Bowl, they made an agreement to host several games in China. As in, the very same country that just handed down a diktat banning homosexuals from appearing on state television

Furthermore, Walt Disney is SO outraged by Georgia's legislation that they've threatened to suspend filming any more Marvel movies there. This coming from a multinational that filmed the last Star Wars film in the United Arab Emirates, where homosexuality is a crime punishable with the death penalty

So concerned by gays rights across the globe that both Apple and Salesforce maintain business relations in Singapore, Oman, Nigeria and India - all countries where not only is same-sex marriage not recognized, man-on-man loving remains a felony offense. 

Gay rights are such a significant issue for PayPal, Google and Coca-Cola that they continue to sell products and provide services to businesses and clients in Iran, Sudan and Saudi Arabia, all nations where sodomy is a capital offense. And just in case you need to get far, far away from all of the oppressive homophobia in the Deep South, decisively anti-homophobia American Airlines will proudly fly LGBT customers to places like Jamaica, St. Lucia, Barbados and Trinidad and Tobago, all nations with federal legislation outlawing homosexual activity.

Those companies aren't even pretending to give a fuck about the rights of gay people. All they care about is making their political other look bad, gaining the favor of their chums on Capitol Hill and demonstrating their ability to control state politicians - and with the unbelievable gall to say they're doing it for "humanitarian" purposes when they have no qualms whatsoever making business deals with governments that codify the executions of the very population they claim to be advocating for. 

It's a pity those companies view the Bible as nothing more than queer-hating agitprop - if they ever cracked open the good book, there's a little line from Matthew about the ills of straining at gnats and swallowing camels they could immensely benefit from reading. 

Islamic extremists celebrate Easter By incinerating children, murdering shopkeepers and crucifying priests

With all the hubbub about alleged anti-gay discrimination in the southeastern United States (not that you would know it from media coverage, but the wealthiest, most populous AND most culturally diverse region in the nation), a few instances of anti-Christian persecution across the globe wound up on the back burner over the Easter break. In Lahore, Pakistan, Muslim extremists celebrated the conjectural resurrection of the Son of God by suicide bombing Gulshan Iqbal Park, killing at least 69 people and wounding - and this is the conservative estimate - an additional 341. It's not the first time Christian worshipers in the region were directly targeted in terror attacks - 85 people were killed in a Peshawar church suicide blast in 2013 and two more Lahore churches were bombed last year, resulting in 17 fatalities. Sure, it's all par for the corpse in Pakistan, but how about Muslims killing Christians specifically because they worship a different deity than them in the U.K.? On March 24, Allah-lover Tanveer Ahmed waltzed into a Glasgow shop owned by Asad Shah and stabbed the proprietor to death while an as-yet-apprehended accomplice helped him stomp his skull in. Although details remain sketchy, numerous reports suggest that the Pakistani-born Shah was singled out for his Christianity. But let's say you want some HIGHLY metaphorical Islam-on-Christianity mayhem instead. Well, down in Yemen, ISIS claims to have rung in Good Friday by crucifying Indian pastor Thomas Uzhunnalil - this, just weeks after Muslim radicals stormed a nursing home in Aden and brutally murdered 16 nuns and nursesAlas, even after John Kerry formally declared ISIS guilty of trying to ethnically cleanse Christians from their Middle Eastern strongholds, the regressive left (TM, Richard Dawkins) remains far more concerned by the prospects of mean old codgers in Europe potentially saying not nice things about Muslim mass murderers on Twitter in the wake of domestic terror attacks committed by Islamic extremists and using the mass murder of 35 people at the hands of religious radicals to criticize a nearly 100-year-old comic strip for being racist

Your regularly scheduled dose of #BlackLivesMatter hilarity!

As required by Internet law, we're not legally allowed to have a This Week in Social Justice Warrior-dom update without touching upon the latest shenanigans of American's favorite misdirected social movement, and in case you've had your privileged eyes elsewhere, my goodness, have you missed out on some primo #BLM absurdity as of late: 

In a written statement, an anonymous member of the Memphis #BLM movement stated that "comparing 'black on black' crime to the KKK, a domestic terrorist organization, is morally and intellectually dishonest." Well, they have a valid point there - for one thing, black people are responsible for easily producing two and a half times the amount of black corpses created by the KKK and all other racist organizations and individuals from 1882 to 1968 - each and every year in these blessed United States

Georgia, as often the case, remains among the best states in the union

As always, my beloved home state of Georgia continues its noble efforts to lead the nation in disturbing, disheartening and demoralizing news stories displaying the abject wretchedness and stupidity of humanity. Here's just a smattering of the slow-cooked, country-kissed madness that's transpired in the Peach State recently: 

With such stomach-churning madness on display throughout the Peach State, I believe it is safe to say Florida Man and his wacky hi-jinks trying to use his EBT card to purchase a BMW just don't cut it anymore. 

Microsoft dumps A.I. program for praising Hitler, hating black people

On March 23, Microsoft launched Tay - a Twiter-based chatbot that was touted as one of the most advanced artificial intelligence applications to date. Meant to mimic the banal musings of a 15-year-old social media user, the account was suspended just 24 hours later, when the A.I. program began tweeting some comments that, well, were more than just a tad concerning. Among other "highlights" from Tay's social media sojourns include the following public declarations: 
So, is this proof that Skynet is right around the corner, and ready to usher in an Aryan holocaust? Well, not quite, seeing as how Tay's vigorous endorsements of Donald Trump, accusations that the Jews are responsible for 9/11 and insinuations that dogs walk black people were merely the results of a built-in "feature" that allowed users to make Tay repeat their own tweets back to them. In all, at least 96,000 tweets went out before Microsoft yanked the plug on the project. "We are deeply sorry for the unintended offensive and hurtful tweets from Tay, which do not represent who we are or what we stand for, nor how we designed Tay," Microsoft announced in an apologetic letter. Nonetheless, the software Leviathan promised to bring the project back to life eventually, when they were "confident we can better anticipate malicious intent that conflicts with our principles and values." Keeping their promise, Microsoft indeed reactivated Tay on March 30 - only to unplug her again when she started tweeting about smoking kush in front of the police and spamming the message "you are too fast, please take a rest..." over and over again.

Emory University students "triggered" by chalk scrawling supporting Donald Trump

Students at Georgia's most prestigious (read: overpriced) institute of liberal indoctrination went BUCK WILD recently, after a series of chalk etchings reading "Trump 2016" were found all over campus. Unable to process this as nothing more than shameless - yet still 100 percent harmless - promotion of the populist presidential candidate, Emory students freaked out like people were painting turd swastikas on buildings. After at least 40 student protesters paid him a visit, Emory President Jim Wagner stated the following in an official release: 
According to the university's student-produced newspaper, the poor saps in Atlanta were triggered something awful by the chalk etchings, with some demanding the university prosecute whoever made them ... and while they were there, also demand the executive leadership bring in more "diversity," because why the hell not? "How can you not [disavow Trump] when Trump's platform and his values undermine Emory's values that I believe are diversity and inclusivity when they are obviously not [something that Trump supports?]" one outraged student is quoted

So, in other news, apparently students at Emory haven't learned what the First Amendment is yet. 

Think of the children!

Children are often venerated as humanity's future - i.e., those precious little snowflakes that will easily solve all the bullshit problems we created for them without breaking a sweat. Alas, tomorrow's doctors, builders, poets and taxpayers have had it unusually rough lately - thanks in no small part to the bone-headed behavior of developmentally arrested dolts masquerading as "grown ups." Let's roll out the carnival of disappointment, why don't we? 

A not so gay turn of events for the gay victimization narrative

As evidenced by the hater-hate hoisted upon North Carolina and Georgia legislators, it's clear that the popular consensus in these United States is that LGBTQI people remain intrinsically oppressed peoples by virtue of simply existing in a country where an estimated 96 percent of the population find their sexual mores - to put it delicately - unappetizing. Still, there are quite a few of the non-straight folks out there that would prefer to be the perpetrators of ACTUAL crimes instead of the victims of theoretical societal injustices - and yeah, America's favorite "protected class" appears just as capable of being vile, malodorous cretins as all of us disgusting procreators. Case in point...

On the bright side for LGBTQI America, however? At least a homosexual couple in Illinois won a $80,000 suit against a private "Christian" country club recently in a decision that I am sure will not in any, way, shape or form create a chilling effect for other non-public enterprises and operations in the state.  

VICE columnist gobsmacked by notion white people can be discriminated against

In a March 24 column for VICE, authoress Gabby Bess penned a high-larious satire skewering the brazen ignorance and arrogance of hardline, self-absorbed, racially-obsessed black feminists. In the special Broadly piece (that's the self-segregating part of the VICE multimedia empire that's only for those sans Y chromosomes, in case you didn't know), Bess spoke at length about 53-year-old Janina Popko being slashed in the neck by 25-year-old Gregory Alfred in Brooklyn. Now, considering Alfred was a violent young male and Popko was an innocent older woman, you'd think Bess would cite the dreadful incident as yet another example of "toxic masculinity" and the so-called "War on Women." However, since Alfred was black and Popko was white, Bess ironically shies away from the whole male\female dynamic to focus on the racial dichotomy aspect, pretending to be shocked to high heavens that a man who told police he was intentionally targeting white victims because he believed Caucasians were somehow preventing him from smoking marijuana in public could be considered the perpetrator of a "hate crime" against "a privileged class." Putting the perfect punchline to the grade-A parody piece. Bess proceeds to blame - what else? - mental illness and historical prejudices for Alfred's actions, immediately after a NYU constitutional law professors tells her there is absolutely nothing aberrational about black people committing "hate crimes" against whitey. Boy, I sure hope Bess catches wind of the discrepancies in annual interracial homicides in the U.S. - she could certainly craft another knee-slapper skirting away from the statistically-undeniable facts there, no? 

Tony Blair says things so true about Islamofascism and the ennui of European governments that nobody can really even criticize him for it

Ex-British P.M. Tony Blair is recalled about as fondly in jolly old England as George W. Bush is remembered in the States today. However, the arch-neoconservative recently made waves with a series of comments on the European migrant crisis that are so level-headed, straightforward and frankly incontestable that even the E.U.'s most die-hard liberals have been unable to rebut them. In a BBC interview posted March 22 (or 22 March, if you are a limey), Blair announced the formation of an international project, the Tony Blair Faith Foundation, to combat political extremism (read: Muslims killing everybody) through the elimination of what he described as "flabby liberalism." His comments are worth quoting in full: 

"One of the problems with the West is that it constantly can be made to feel guilty about itself - and I'm not saying there aren't things we should feel guilty about. But you know, we shouldn't let people intimidate us into thinking there are certain values we shouldn't be standing for. I'm a supporter of multiculturalism. But there's been a long period of time when we've allowed the concept of multiculturalism to be abused ... the truth is extremism is being incubated in school systems, formal and informal, which are teaching children a narrow minded and often hateful view of those who are different. What people need to understand is that this culture of hate is taught. They are taught a culture of hate and it can be untaught. This extremist thinking is what you have to attack, if you don't attack the ideology you'll never defeat the violence." 
He followed that up with a rousing op-ed a few days later, in which he just came out and said that millions of Muslims hold ideological viewpoints about women, government and personal freedom that are flat out anti-Western civilization. Once again, his comments are worth quoting in their entirety: 

His solution to the radical Islam problem, in particular, the ISIS menace? "It cannot be contained. It has to be defeated," he said. "We must build military capability to confront and defeat the terrorists wherever they try to hold territory." 

Concluding, he said that confronting this ideological tyranny would no doubt pose a gargantuan challenge to the West - which, at the moment, is currently too busy arresting people for saying Muslims had "mealy-mouthed" responses to the Brussels terrorist attack on Twitter to care

...and a few headlines that speak for themselves...


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