Thursday, May 12, 2016

LIVE Play-By-Play Coverage of UFC 198: Werdum vs. Miocic!

Our round-by-round updates from Curitiba fill you in on everything happening at UFC 198 - and without having to worry about contracting Zika, either!


By: Jimbo X
@Jimbo__X

Howdy ho, folks! We here at The Internet Is In America will provide you with LIVE, round-by-round coverage of UFC 198: Werdum vs. Miocic beginning at 10 p.m. (eastern time) on Saturday, May 14. 

Be sure to bookmark the page and reload this sumbitch as soon as the official UFC card begins for some of the best dadgum MMA commentary you'll get anywhere - plus some offhanded jokes that reference obscure things and are probably offensive. Hey, we give you your money's worth, that's for sure. 

And, oh and tell your pals and put this shit on the social media while you are at it. This totally free website with absolutely zero storage costs don't come cheap, y'know...

All right, so we will get things going early with some pre-lim action. Up first, it's Demian Maia versus Matt Brown in a welterweight clash on FS1. 

Maia shoots for a takedown. He cannot get it. He lands it. He has Brown's back, but Matt is guarding it well. Maia tries to kick Brown's legs out from under him. Maia has his hooks in. Brown finally goes down. Maia almost has a choke locked in. But Brown is doing a great job defending it. Maia rattling off a ton of punches. He has another choke attempt, but nothing working. Brown still guarding, and Maia landing some hard head shots. about 40 seconds left. Brown finally gets atop Maia. He gets a few decent shots as the round expires. 

Round two. Maia shoots for a takedown. Brown defends it. Maia looking for for a single leg takedown, and he gets it. He has Brown's back. Brown is carrying him around. Brown resting against the cage. Maia tries to snake his way under Brown's chin. Maia rattling off some shots, but they aren't hurting Brown. Maia with a body lock. Brown eats some hammer fists. Brown peels off another choke attempt. Maia with some elbow shots. Looking for an arm bar. He doesn't get it. 20-18 for Maia, easy.

Wow, all of the Brazilian fighters on tonight's card have won so far. Brown gets a solid shot on a takedown attempt and he swarms Maia. Maia weathers the storm though, and looks for a takedown. Brown with has back against the cage again. Brown looks exhausted. Maia with another takedown. Now he's looking for another choke. Maia looking for a neck crank. Brown defending, but he isn't getting anything in when it comes to offense. Maia has completely neutralized Brown. Minute left. Maia landing some illogical-soft shots. And now he has the choke in. AND HE GETS THE TAP WITH THIRTY SECONDS LEFT IN THE ROUND. 

That's Maia's fifth-consecutive victory.

Brian Stann and a nervous looking nerdy white guy translator conduct the post-fight. It is Maia's eleventh win via submission. Maia demands a title shot, naturally. Goldie and Stann do the hard sell for the PPV portion of the evening. 

Welterweight Bout
Warlley Alves (10-0-0-0) vs. Bryan Barberena (11-3-0-0)

Thanks to Anderson Silva pulling out of his fight with Uriah Hall, this interesting clash between 170-pound prospects leaped from Fox Sports 1 fare to the PPV portion of the evening. Brazilian Alves is an undefeated submission machine with one of the nastiest guillotine chokes in the business (having used it to finish off Colby Covington, Nordine Taleb and Marcio Alexandro Jr.) while Barberena (no relation to Vinny or any of the other Sweat Hogs, I am afraid), is a Californian BJJ Blue Belt who was last seen choking out highly touted kickboxer/karate specialist Sage Northcutt back in January. Considering the fighters’ pedigrees, I reckon this one ought to be one heck of a slobberknocker – or a technical clinic, at the very least. 

Alves comes out swinging hard. He gets the leg and secures a takedown. Now he's teeing off, but his opponent recovers. Barberena (let's just call him Barbie for shot) has a bit of a height advantage. Circling in the middle. Alves gets a a few nice shots off. Alves has some really good kicks. About a minute left. Barbie drops Alves with a hard leg kick. Alves clinches. Barbie ends it with a nice Muay Thai knee. A very tough to round to call, but I would give the slight edge to Alves.

Round two. Alves the aggressor. He has some very heavy hands. But he's bleeding. Bryan is proud of his "dad bod," Stann jokes. Alves keeping his distance. I guess the best way to describe Barbie is "an in shape Roy Nelson." And no, I don't know if that is a compliment or condemnation. Alves with some good jabs. Clinch. Back in the center of the cage. Barbie with some body shots and one of the shittiest flying knees you will ever see. Alves looks gassed. Nice head kick from Barbie. Hard one-two combo from Barbie. He clips Alves again. A classic 19-19 fight heading into the third and decisive round.

Ben Henderson is in Barbie's corner. Alves comes out swinging with everything he has, including some gnarly looking spin kicks that - of course, do not connect. Barbie slips, and now Alves is looking for a sub. Clinch time. Stann says the judges in Brazil won't give Barbie any dap, so he HAS to finish Alves to win it. Barbie with punches in bunches. Alves with a jumping knee. Barbie shakes it off. Two minutes to go. Alves gets clipped with about six consecutive shots. "These guys are just too tired to move out of the way," Stann comments. Alves getting pummeled, but he Barbie isn't able to finish it. Now it is just a slug fest. Alves misses on a wheel kick. The last minute is just one big related fight, with Barbie clearly getting the better of the exchanges. A tough one to score, but I'd give it 29-28 for the American.

Let's go to the judges, why don't we? It is 29-28 across the board for Barbie. He has won nine out of his last 10 fights now. He thanks MMA Lab, his wife and his children, and Brazil weeps. 

Jose Aldo is in the house. But he is not fighting tonight, duh. 

Yep. British commercials are much better than the ones we have here in the States. And holy shit, they even give us warnings that the program is violent before the fights start streaming! 

Light Heavyweight Bout
Mauricio Rua (23-10-0-0) vs. Corey Anderson (8-1-0-0)

Ah, it’s the old “time-tested veteran versus cagey up-and-comer chestnut.” At this point, there’s not a whole lot more that can be said about Shogun, a sure-fire Hall of Famer in the twilight of his career who enters the bout having lost three out of his last five fights. His opponent is 26-year-old Illini Corey Anderson, who has just one professional loss on his record and was last seen beating Tom Lawlor like a used bongo at UFC 196. Logic would dictate that Anderson should have no problem dispatching his older, more beaten-down adversary, but then again, the former Light Heavyweight champ sure does have the home field advantage heading into this one…

Rua wearing his classic ball huggers, as always. Rua keeping his distance with leg kicks. Rua with a nice uppercut. Rua almost slips. Rua with an overhand right. Anderson still dancing. Rua goes for a takedown, but slips and Anderson lands a ton of free shots. Now Anderson has him smothered against the cage, looking for a takedown. Anderson jabbing like crazy now. Rua still thowing leg kicks. Head kick attempts from Anderson. Anderson with more hits. He gets a body shot, but Rua recovers. Shogun ROCKS Anderson and swarms him! Holy shit, if the fight would have went on two more seconds, it would have been stopped. Talk about being saved by the bell!

Round two. It's a brawl early. Anderson tagging Rua with leg kicks and hard body shots. And he gets a takedown. Anderson on top, hammering Rua. Shogun back up, though. Anderson crushing Rua up against the cage. Anderson looking for another takedown. Rua getting some good shots now. Anderson doing a pretty good job avoiding Rua's strikes. Anderson gets another takedown, but Rua is right back up. And son of a bitch, Rua drops Anderson again and almost finishes him off with ground and pound at the tail end of this round, too! 

Anderson with a big left, but it doesn't connect. Anderson with another takedown attempt. He gets it. Anderson in the half-guard. Anderson looking to get Rua's back, and Shogun escapes. Two minutes to go. Anderson looking for another takedown. And he gets it. But Rua is right back up. Knees from Anderson, and he gets takedown number five. Ten seconds to go, and Anderson shoots for a takedown he can't land. It is Anderson's round, easy, but I think Rua did enough to win rounds one and two. 29-28 for Shogun in my books.

And it's a 29-28 split decision for Shogun. The surprising thing is that at least one judge had the forthrightness to give the bout to Anderson!

Catchweight Bout
Cris Cyborg (15-1-0-1) vs. Leslie Smith (8-6-1-0)

Well, the booking here is pretty straightforward. The UFC brass has been trying to get Cyborg on the payroll for years now, with the hopes of setting up a mega-super-duper fight against Ronda Rousey that would make infinity and one dollars in PPV monies. Of course, “Rowdy” getting drubbed in Australia a few months back put a little wrinkle in the plan, but it’s clear that the UFC still has lots invested in that other Strikeforce women’s championships belt holder. Down Brazil way, the undefeated Invicta champ tests her mettle against Leslie “The Peacemaker” Smith, who has a barely above .500 pro fight record and has looked downright atrocious in lackluster losses to the likes of Sarah Kaufman and Jessica Eye. On paper at least, it seems like this fight is hardly anything more than a warm-up bout for the latest, greatest XX-chromosomal import under the Zuffa banner, but hey - strange things always seem to happen whenever the UFC throws PPVs in the Southern Hemisphere, you know…

Huh. Did you know that Bellator ran a show earlier tonight? Interestingly enough, it featured Mr. Cris Cyborg, Evagelista Cyborg, too (he lost, in case you were wondering.) Cris (a 1,400 point favorite!) gets the blackout treatment for her entrance. And holy shit, is she the palest looking Brazilian person I have ever seen. Also: that has to be the longest entrance to the Octagon ever - hell, if it was any longer, they would have to use those old motorized "ring carts" like the ones they used at WrestleMania 3. 

Cyborg with some nice jabs already. And she drops Smith. Here come the hammer firsts - and yeah, Smith is fucked. As expected, Cyborg wins it early by TKO. 

The official time? 1:21 of the very first round. She said she wants to keep fighting in Invicta, but she is not opposed to doing a few more Catchweight bouts in the UFC. Hmm ... I wonder where this little partnership will wind up?

With 45,000 people in attendance, tonight is the third most heavily attended UFC show ever. Have some paid content from Harley Davidson, and we will see you back here in just a bit. 

Middleweight Bout
Ronaldo Souza (22-4-0-1) vs. Vitor Belfort (25-11-0-0)

Now this one ought to be interesting. Former Strikeforce Middleweight Champion Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza is 5-1 in UFC competition, his sole loss coming at the hands of Yoel Romero last December. A skilled BJJ specialist who has submitted Robbie Lawler and Gegard Mousasi, Jacare has also proven his prowess at the standing game, having knocked out the likes of Yushin Okami and Derek Brunson. “The Phenom,” at the age of 39, has had mixed success as of late, finishing Michael Bisping, Luke Rockhold and Dan Henderson (twice), but he has also had his ass handed to him by guys like Anderson Silva, Jon Jones and, most recently, Chris Weidman. So we’ve got two highly-skilled Brazilians – both of whom have demonstrated supreme knockout and submission ability – duking it out in their home nation with a probable 185-pound-strap shot on the line. Yeah, this ought to be some great stuff, indeed.

How weird is it that here we are at UFC 198, and there is STILL a dude who fought at UFC 12 on the roster? Belfast rocking the Mohawk. Jacare is looking for a takedown. Belfort spins out. Souza has Belfort's ankle. Now he is on top. Belfort eating some elbows. Souza landing some big shots, and Belfort is bleeding badly. Ref momentarily stops it to get Vitor's eye checked out. Belfort scrambles out of Jacare's clinch. Souza gets a takedown, and now he is in the full mount. Ground and pound time, and Belfort is in deep trouble. Belfort barely hanging in there. He stops defending himself, and the ref waives it off. Your winner by TKO - and presumably the next in line for a shot at the 185 pound title - Ronaldo Souza! 

The official time is 4:38 of round one. It's his ninth win in his 10 last fights. Jacare says he deserves a title shot, and he's going to finish Rockhold in a hypothetical rematch. Speaking of, how about a hard sell for UFC 199, featuring Luke Rockhold defending his Middleweight Championship against Chris Weidman?

And after that ... it is time to pimp the hell out of tonight's main event. 

UFC Heavyweight Championship Bout
Fabricio Werdum (20-5-1-0) vs. Stipe Miocic (14-2-0-0)

Well, what more can be said about Werdum? The 38-year-old reigning Heavyweight champ hasn’t lost a bout since 2012, having knocked off Big Nog, Mark Hunt, Travis Browne and most recently – and perhaps most impressively – ex title-holder Cain Velasquez in Mexico City. In his first bout in almost a year, the man who effectively “ended” the Fedor Mystique turns his attention toward Stipe Miocic, an Ohioan Croat with just two pro career losses who was last seen beating Andrei Arlovski into a momentary coma at UFC 195. So yeah, it’s pretty much strategic technique versus brute force awaiting us here, which should definitely provide an entertaining narrative for a five round championship tilt.

Miocic comes out to some Chav-sounding noise. And Werdum comes out making THAT hideous meme-face and what sounds like uplifting music out of a telenovela. Oh, and he is carrying an Aytron Senna banner, which reminds me of that one game on the Genesis that fucking rules. So, uh, why is the cut man wearing a paper cut-out mask? And who is it supposed to be a paper cut-out of? And shoot me now, Werdum will not STOP making that stupid face of his.

Werdum with some leg kicks to begin round one. Miocic whiffing on some punches. Hard combination from Werdum has Miocic back pedaling. Miocic punching back. Werdum gets a hard hit, Miocic tags him on the counter-punch, they are both swinging like apes AND MIOCIC KNOCKS WERDUM OUT COLD!

Miocic leaps over the cage after the ref waives it off, screaming "I'm a world champ!" The decisive right hand blow came at 2:47 in the very first round. 

It is a good thing Miocic has knockout power, because his voice - the dude must gargle with charcoal - is about as radio friendly as an exploding toaster. Alas, he does give us one of the greatest LOL moments in recent MMA history, when he concludes his post-fight by exclaiming "Cleveland, we finally got a world champion!" 

And like that, the myth of Fabricio Werdum is over and done with. Long live the reign of Stipe "The Pride of Cleveland" Miocic! 

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