Sunday, May 1, 2016

This Week in Social Justice Warrior-Dom

A fond look back at all the things that had ultra-P.C. jihadists OUTRAGED ... before they forget all about them in just a few days.

By: Jimbo X

From thoughtcrimes to ACTUAL crimes

When we talk about contemporary social justice warmongering, we generally tend to speak in McCarthyist terms. I.E., technically, you can't be arrested and imprisoned for violating the unthinking herd mentality, but they can ostracize you and keep you from earning a paycheck and supporting your family ever again. Well folks, as it turns out, there are some places out there in the world that are not only capitulating to the petulant hyper-leftists' demands, they are actually looking to formally punish people who violate the politically-correct-code with honest-to-goodness civil fines and prison sentences. Just take a long, hard look at these recent events, and try to tell me the term "thought police" isn't a concept taking on a far more literal meaning these days:

Thankfully, in the good old U.S. of A, such draconian progressivism hasn't put our court systems in the old Bob Backlund cross-face chicken wing choke hold yet (although at least one court case from Montana, of all places, in 2015, has the potential to set a foreboding national precedent.) Alas, if you just HAVE to yell and moan and complain about the need to punish people for stating things that hurt your feelings or question your precious worldviews, you can always take a trip to America's finest institutions of higher indoctrination, where morbidly obese students are fully encouraged to scream and cry like a five-year-old because a speaker says something critical of feminism, Muslim and Jewish activists can bicker back and forth about whether a law school student calling a visiting Israeli dignitary "smelly" is anti-Semitic and black students can be assailed as "racist" for drawing up crude MS-Paintings critical of the Black Lives Mater movement

Just remember though, these 20-year-old children - weaned from birth on an ironically totalitarian "multiculturalism uber alles" dogmaare our future, and unfortunately, that includes positions as future Supreme Court justices. Enjoy the First Amendment while you still can, folks - if regressive liberalism keeps chugging along at its current pace, it's only a matter of time until the diversity Gestapo locks all of us up. 

Failing septuagenarian socialist presidential candidates say the darnedest things

Even before he got his ass handed to him in the northeast primaries by Hilary and wound up laying off most of his campaign team (this, after mocking Hilary for only being able to win votes in the Deep South, which unbeknownst to the Bern, is also where 55 percent of the nation's black populace resides), America's favorite quasi-communistic Jewish presidential hopeful was spouting out verbal gem after gem in the run up to his Waterloo at the ballot boxes. In a pit stop in Baltimore, Senor Sanders declared that conditions for black youth were worse than those faced by teenagers in North Korea or the West Bank, going on to describe "poverty as a death sentence" that can only be solved by - what the fuck else? - "profound economic changes," which is a polite way of saying taxing everybody (including, irony of ironies, lower class workers) out the asshole. Of course, Mr. Sanders didn't bring up the fact that there are scores of communities in the U.S. that are poorer than even Baltimore's grimiest slums (with many of them almost 100 percent white), yet for some reason, residents in these parts of the country aren't running around blowing each others' heads off as an afterschool hobby. Golly gee, it's almost like there's some sort of additional variable in places like Flint, Mich., Camden, N.J. and Baltimore that can explain their absurdly high homicide rates besides that a lot of people there don't have jobs and the schools suck - but my oh my, what could that possibly be? The comments come after Bernie blamed his recent defeats at the polls in New York on the fact that "poor people don't vote." Alas, despite running a campaign that has hinged on nothing but promoting class warfare and stoking racial animosities, it looks like the poor, black people and especially poor black people are indeed making their way to the primaries and caucuses - and they are almost unanimously choosing to avoid "the Bern" at all costs. Oh well, at least Sanders supporters are taking it well, and not collapsing into a state of paranoid disillusionment where the laws of arithmetic no longer apply or anything.


We here at The Internet Is In America want it to be known that we actually care quite a bit about the homosexual community out there. Indeed, we fully support their rights to lawfully wed, and we admit to getting pretty hard whenever Maury wheeled out the transvestite beauty queens back in the day. As such, we would like to take the time to gloss over some recent LGBTQI items of interest lately ... and do so in the most fabulous of manners, naturally. 

Interestingly, despite criticizing
every aspect of Western culture for perceived homophobia, the radical queer contingent remains suspiciously mum about all of the LEGITIMATE persecution of carpet-diners and fudge-packers in the Muslim world. Funny how the LGBT activists will raise hell about state-level legislation dictating which bathrooms people with penises can go into, but completely turn the other way when Egypt sentences nearly a dozen men to 12 years in prison for sodomy, no?

You won't believe how much money liberal clickbait sites are losing...

This Week in Social Justice Warrior-dom has more or less been propped up by shitty, left-leaning propaganda-masquerading-as-news sites since day one, but if the latest financial forecasts are a harbinger of things to come, we might not have such easy pickins' come this time next year. Apparently, hard-hitting journalistic works as "Which Limited Time Oreo Are You Based on Your Zodiac Sign?"  and "What Does Your Guess Who Fuck Say About You?" just ain't reeling 'em in like the used to, with Buzzfeed recently announcing it had missed its revenue targets by $80 million. In a hilarious attempt to spin the damage into something a little less apocalyptic-sounding, Buzzfeed tried to play it off coolly, stating that other websites that suck - such as Mashable and Refinery29 - are also hemorrhaging money like Scrooge McDuck with a hole in his purse. But those aren't the only digital liberal turd rags a' hurtin - as invaluable sources of regressive leftist claptrap Salon, The Huffington Post, Vice and especially the Hulk Hogan leg-dropped Gawker have all reported staff layoffs and considerable downturns in earnings. Which, of course, can mean only one thing ... American Internet Users HATE Them!

Muslim mayhem!

Deep down, we here at The Internet Is In America want to promote cultural sensitivity. We want to be a truly inclusive safe-space for people - of all religions, orientations, colors and ethnic backgrounds - to come together and say, "yo, dawg, that shit your people be doing is seriously fucked up." And although the overwhelming majority of Muslim people on Earth fine, upstanding, totally not-at-all violent maniacs, there's still quite a few of them out there who are. Should we begin in Mosul, where ISIS forces killed approximately 250 women who refused to become sex slaves? Or how about those Islamic fellows who decided to attack a bunch of Jews worshiping at the Temple Mount, just 'cause? Maybe a good starting point should be the two gay men in Bangladesh who got hacked to death for enjoying the occasional (and explicitly Koran-forbidden) buggery? It's not like some of these guys have such an absurdly dogmatic belief in their religious customs that they're willing to stop a soccer game mid-match to give players more Islamic haircuts, no? With all that in mind, I'm sure Switzerland is currently working night and day on plans to mobilize 2,000 troops at their borders because they want to welcome their Allah-worshiping brothers from another mother with open arms, aren't they?

Your regularly scheduled black crime report...

Since last fall, we've tried to give you, dear reader, a quick and dirty recap of all the assorted #BlackLivesMatter hilarity that transpires each week in these United States. A surfeit of quality #BLM shenanigans as of late, however, has forced us to change the format up a little, so this time around, how about we focus on that great cultural taboo, black crime, instead? 

Of course, absolutely none of this should be construed to mean that all African-Americans  - or even most, or even half, or even a tenth, or 5 percent or 3.4 percent - exhibit such depraved, deplorable, disgusting and degenerate behavior. Rather, ever the equal opportunists, we just wanted to kindly remind the denizens of planet earth that - perhaps to the chagrin of some particularly ignorant individuals - yes, people do indeed come in pieces of shit of EVERY color, including the ones we have tried to convince ourselves only exist as fantastical cultural constructs.

Mainstream media acknowledges that people who AREN'T white are capable of being racist

Now here's something you definitely don't read about every day: the mainstream, Barack Obama and gay-marriage-lovin' liberal as liberal can get media ACTUALLY did a story about racism that DIDN'T feature an evil, prejudiced honky as the central villain. An internal San Francisco Police Department review recently determined that five officers had exchanged texts saying some - well, unflattering things - about minorities, including the such pearls as "Indian ppl are disgusting," "fuckin nigs tryin to loot" and "I hate that beaner." But I think the nig is worse." The big swerve however, is that the people behind such messages as "I fuckin hate Lebron. Fuck that nig," were ASIAN AND HISPANIC. The stream of prejudiced texts produced by officers Jason Lai, Curtis Liu and Keith Ybarreta (plus two unidentified officers who have since resigned) have called into question the evidence presented in more than 200 criminal cases; Lai - who referred to African-Americans as "hock gwai" (a Cantonese term loosely translating to "black devil") and cracked jokes about "Obama coffee" being both black and weak - is currently staring down six counts of unlawfully accessing criminal and motor vehicle databases (plus an unrelated sexual assault allegation.) And of course, the chief of the SFPD plans to combat all of this negative publicity by, what else, mandating that all officers undergo "bias training" - which is surely the best use of local tax dollars, especially in a city that posts the highest per capita property crime rate in the entire country

Robert E. Lee Elementary School asks for new name suggestions and instantly regrets it

Having learned absolutely nothing from Mountain Dew's disastrous online poll to name a new soft drink a few years back, Austin, Texas-area Robert E. Lee Elementary School was waylaid by a flood of sardonic suggestions after they turned to the Internet plebiscite to drum up a new moniker. Among the more hilarious nominees? Adam Lanza's School of Fun, the Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance, Austin Taliban Elementary, Confederate Hero High, Flava-Flave Elementary (their misspelling, not mine), IGNORANCE IS BLISS ELEMENTARY, Jefferson Davis Elementary, Kim Il-Sung High School, Politically Correct Elementary School #1, Raul Castro Elementary, School of Progressive and Socialist Studies, Spike Lee Elementary, The Elementary School Formerly Known as Robert E. Lee and Vladimir Ilyich Lenin Elementary School. Although the most popular nomination for the school's name change was Donald J. Trump Elementary, the school district left it off the list of finalist monikers, which - as you'd expect - are all boring AF

Anti-Trump supporters attack children, but nobody gives a shit

Speaking of the presumptive Republican nominee for President of the United States, the media did a bang-up job NOT covering anti-Trump violence at a recent rally in Anaheim, where alleged "progressivists" drunk on self-righteousness rallied behind a city ordinance denouncing The Donald by pepper spraying five bystanders outside the steps of city hall. According to Sgt. Daron Wyatt, the anti-Trumpers targeted a Hispanic woman wearing a "Make America Great Again" cap, and wound up blasting an 8-year-old and an 11-year-old child in the face in the process. Further demonstrating that social justice warriors aren't just a bunch of immature, hyper-violent cretins, more than 20 people in Costa Mesa, Calif. were arrested April 28, as hundreds of Mexican-flag waving protesters blocked the roadways after a Donald Trump rally and violently attacked motorists caught in the traffic jam. Surely, if Donald Trump supporters did this to African-American or Hispanic protesters, The New York Times and The Huffington Post would remain just as silent, right? 

Film critic blasts filmmakers for casting black actress to play black singer because she isn't black enough

The late lard-ass film critic Roger Ebert had a long track record of slamming films based on his weird beard political convictions (for example, he subtracted points from Fight Club and Death Wish because he thought the promoted neoconservative fascism, somehow.) He also had an annoying tendency to accuse every other movie he watched of promoting racism (yes, even Predator 2) and he periodically gave films negative reviews because he didn't like the audience he was watching them with (example one, example two and example three.) Alas, as irritating as Ebert was, rest assured that the shameless Social Justice jihadists who have taken over his website since he bought the farm back in '13 are twenty bajillon times worse, and Odie Hendersons's acerbic review of the new film Nina demonstrates just how far down the commode Ebert's legacy has been flushed. So, what's Henderson's big slight against the Nina Simone biopic? The plot? The acting? Too many white people receiving film credits? NEIN! Instead, he's pissed because he doesn't believe the actress chosen to play Nina, the hot African-American actress who played that green chick in Guardians of the Galaxy, is black enough to play the titular character. Rather than review the film's pacing, structure, aesthetics and acting, Henderson remains fixated on the not-black-enough-ed-ness of the feature throughout his critique, only pausing to state how offended he as that that the film included a slur for gay people, before hopping right back on his "colorist" hobby horse

You know, this Odie fellow sure does seem preoccupied with race as an utmost qualifier of one's being. Huh. If only there was a name for people who place THAT much emphasis on the color of one's skin...

White Privilege Conference criticized for having too much white privilege

In contemporary U.S. society, the lighter-skinned majority is perpetually lambasted for its alleged privilege (because it most certainly cannot be true that two dozen non-Caucasian groups in the nation actually post higher annual incomes than the white folks), and on the global scale, the Anglo-Saxons of the world are routinely criticized for fucking up things for everybody during colonialism and creating inherently prejudicial economic systems that make it next to impossible for non-whites to achieve economic parity (despite the fact that many former colonies, such as Singapore, Brunei, Macau, Hong Kong, Qatar, Kuwait and the United Arab Emirates have all profited nicely from globalization and now post higher per capita earnings than the United States). As such, I think it's nigh past time that, as a collective, the world's white people got on their knees and formally repented for their centuries of sin. 

I mean, it's not like thousands of white farmers in South Africa have been systematically executed by remorselessly racist blacks since 1990, right? And clearly, there is no indisputable data indicating that conditions in rural America have gotten so bad that middle-aged, working-class whites are now dying off at a rate faster than homosexual men at the height of the AIDS crisis. Nor is there any sort of hard mathematics demonstrating that white-Americans are expected to lose their majority status by 2042, and experience a net 6 percent population loss between now and 2050 while the rates of biracial Americans are expected to increase 200 percent. Indeed, NOW is the time to heap scorn at the ever-shrinking and ever-poorer white man, to let him know that the ass-kicking shoe is on the other ass-kicking foot now. 

Which is exactly why we need events like the annual White Privilege Conference, which recently celebrated its 17th year in existence in Philadelphia last month, where activists blamed the white man's Christianity for everything bad in the world (yes, including the rise of radical Islam) and asked for donations for the family of a man who tried to kill a police officer. Alas, even in this three-day-long anti-celebration of Caucasian-hood, some attendees just couldn't help but feel the dreadful whiteness was too much even within their ranks, as the hashtag #WPCSoWhite took off and lecturer James W. Loewen was criticized for using the "n-word" in his speech and almost going over his allotted speaking time

You know, the fact that there is a full-conference dedicated to making white people feel bad about themselves tells you a lot about contemporary progressivism. That there are so many people out there utterly infatuated with "dismantling systems of oppression" - even at the events and organizations they created themselves - however, ought to really make you think long and hard about whether or not these folks' mission is achieving true equality or simply eliminating their political other. 

...and a few headlines that speak for themselves...


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