Sunday, May 15, 2016

This Week in Social Justice Warrior-dom

A fond look back at all the things that had ultra-P.C. jihadists OUTRAGED ... before they forget all about them in just a few days.

By: Jimbo X

Socialism works!

In very, very restricted instances, the concept of "socialism" - that being, the collective belief that the government ought to take our money and give it to other people who don't have as much money so they can not die and stuff - isn't that bad of a notion. Granted, no matter how you frame it, it's still "altruism at gunpoint" - if not for the threat of imprisonment, I have a hard time believing a majority of Americans would voluntarily opt to give up at least a third of their income to fund unnecessary doctor visits for septuagenarian charity cases who use Medicaid like an on-the-house "all-you-can-eat buffet" ticket. Indeed, such lofty entitlement spending (fun fact: nearly 40 percent of the Federal budget goes towards benefits for only those ages 65 and older) is getting dangerously close to running its course in these United States - as a matter of fact, the Social Security Disability trust fund is expected to run out by the end of this very year. Alas, what a lot of young, ignorant and ironically hate-filled neo-Marxists out there fail to grasp is that "entitlements" don't just fall out of the sky, and to pay for all of these ever increasing programs, the money's got to come from somewhere. And what happens when - after a steady diet of 90 percent corporate tax rates and public subsidies for college finger-painting degrees and universal health care (in the face of a strangely under-reported physician shortage, no less) - there ain't no more wealth to spread 'round? Well, there might just be a few examples in the news as of late that could give us a taste of what to expect when the national fantasy of the socialist-utopia state comes tumbling down...

And of course, as we do each and every year, rampant mayhem befell the shiny streets of Seattle on May 1, when anti-capitalists renegades without a clue decided to break shit and throw Molotov cocktails to promote their lite-communistic worldviews (which, impossibly, seek to bring down the evil "state" while increasing all of the overblown, social entitlement programs it can't afford to pay for now.) Alas, as the popularity of a certain self-professed socialist from a nearly 100 percent all-white New England state that saw its own universal health care model crash and burn spectacularly demonstrates, there remains a considerable throng out there that - mathematics be goddamned to hell by the Almighty himself - are utterly convinced that the high classes ought to be outlawed so the lower classes can wallow in a perfect hippie-dipped collectivist heaven

Such brilliant thought from the ever-growing "American Socialist" camps. "Hey, you know all those rich Wall Street fuckers who are responsible for funding all of the government's wealth redistribution policies we like? Let's tax 'em out of existence, bro ... I'm sure that'll solve everything!" 

If you can't trust the police, who can you trust?

By and large, we here at The Internet Is In America feel that the nation's law enforcement officers get a bad rap. While the larger iceberg of Gen Y culture unthinkingly continues to hate the po-po with an unreasonable fury, we at least try to give the boys in blue the benefit of the doubt in most circumstances. But every now and then, you get to witness the long arm of the law do some incredibly seedy, and in some cases, outright heinous things. Here's a few recent-ish examples of the men sworn to protect the general public doing the exact opposite ... and all on our tax dollars. 

And don't think it's any better on the federal level. In an op-ed for The Washington Post, Karol Mason - the head of U.S. Office of Justice programs since 2003 - anounced her office would be changing its terminology to avoid use of the words "felon" or "convict," so as to not marginalize individuals who murder people in cold blood or hurt the job opportunities of people who feel nary a twinge of remorse for sodomizing grade schoolers. I don't know about you, but I certainly feel safer as an American knowing the big wigs in Washington won't be hurting the feelings of serial rapists and drug cartel assassins anymore. Way safer


Even though there is an entire manifesto detailing the blueprints to a tee, we are perpetually reminded that there is no such thing as a "gay agenda" and that to believe that a mass consortium of special interests heavy hitters and their media and political bed buddies are actively trying to subvert the national conscience to accept rectal intercourse and (occasionally sperm-spraying) strap-on sex as the same thing as man-on-woman procreation is a big old pile of lies and you are a gutless homophobe and\or transphobe for even WORRYING about the prospects of a 40-year-old man in a dress whipping his schlong out next to five year old girls at Target. Indeed, we here at The Internet Is In America believe it is downright crucial to give the homosexual, non-cisgender masses an opportunity to shout their opinions - I mean, facts - about the necessity for greater cultural sensitivity, so that all of us can grow and develop as a society. Take heed, allies and homophobe haters - these are all the things our non-gender-conforming, non-reproductive superiors want us to know this week:

An update on the ever-improving state of race-relations in the U.S.

When Barack Obama was elected POTUS in 2008, a lot of observers and analysts and people who say shit even though they have no real expertise on anything said that was undeniable proof that America had finally become a "post-racial" society. Well, fast forward eight years, and pretty much EVERY evening news broadcast and conglomerate website has some new story demonstrating that, by golly geez, racism is not only alive and well in the United States and abroad, it might even be WORSE than it was at the height of Jim Crow and apartheid (of course, these people NEVER lean towards the hyperbolic, I believe it goes without saying.) So, just how well are the ebony-hued and ivory-toned getting along across the globe these days? Well, here are a few news stories that give us a pretty firm idea of just how well the ingredients are gelling in the metaphorical melting pot...

Elsewhere, South African judge Mabel Jansen is under intense scrutiny for expressing shock and dismay over the black community's indifference to its own high rates of rape and murder. The global leftist media - of course - is now pushing it like Jansen is an unscrupulous racist unfit for duties ... all while completely avoiding the fact that pretty much everything she said was at least partially grounded in reality. Huh - nothing telling about modern progressive values there, no? 

Your weekly round-up of mass manufactured controversies

I don't know if you fine folks picked up on this yet, but in Obama's America, there sure are a lot of aggrieved pussies waddling around, complaining about every trifling thing that doesn't sync up in lock-step harmony with their prejudiced sociopolitical ideals as if it's some great civil injustice on par with the Holocaust. Are we turning into a society of overly-emotional "kidults" utterly obsessed with collecting "victimization incidents" like Pokemon cards in order to simply further our our own narrow, shared in-group agendas? Well, I'll let you look at some of these recent brouhahas, and then you tell me

And of course, you can't reflect on manufactured rage without talking about the utmost target of leftist antipathy these days, one Senor Donald-o Trump-o, who drew a whole heap of scorn when he tweeted an image of himself eating a taco bowl and declaring he loved Hispanic people on Cinco de Mayo. "The claim presupposed that it's meaningful and informative to classify people as 'Hispanics' when making generalizations about whether they're lovable," said NPR columnist Tania Lombrozo in an brain-bendingly awful article titled "The Deeper Reason Trump's Taco Tweet is Offensive," which concludes once and for all that even positive stereotypes are harmful to society when they come out of the mouths of politicos we don't like. 

Georgia continues to be the best of all possible states
When it comes to needlessly aggressive, inexplicably idiotic and sadistically sociopathic behavior on the macro-level, perhaps no state does a better job of giving you a racially and culturally mixed bag of madness, depravity and human misery than the Peach State. Just take a look at all of the regrettable affairs below and try and tell me your neck of the woods offers a more diverse display of the deplorableness of mankind: 

Tow truck driver tells Bernie Sanders supporter to take a hike 

In these United States, pretty much every qualifier you can think of - race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, disability status, national origin, immigration status, age, religion, socioeconomic standing and genetic predisposition for diseases - can and has been used as a mechanism to punish people for "discrimination," be it clear-as-day or merely perceived examples of prejudice. Well, one of the few personal qualifiers that ISN'T covered by the nation's litany of civil rights and\or liberties laws  are political convictions, and in the great state of North Carolina, one tow truck driver certainly applied his ideological perspectives on governance in one of the most satisfying ways possible. Small businessman Ken Shupe responded to a call from Cassandra McWade in Asheville on May 2, but as soon as he saw all of the miscellaneous pro-Bernie paraphernalia adorning her vehicle, he quickly rescinded his offer for assistance. "Every business dealing in recent history that I've had with a socialist-minded person, I haven't got paid," Shupe explained. "They want to argue about a $50 tow bill, and it turns into just a drama and a fuss. And I said, you know, I'm not going to associate with them, and I'm not going to do any business with them." In a feeble attempt to generate some media outrage, McWade - who looks EXACTLY what you think she would look like - later came out and said she had Crohn's disease, arthritis, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. When asked if McWade's attempt to garner "disability status" sympathy points would have changed his mind, Shupe responded by saying he still wouldn't have given her a lift and declared "there's a huge difference between being disabled and drawing disability.

Canuck teen lists dubious reasons why Canada is "better' than America

Pardon us for being a little late to the party, but on April 1, a Canadian teen whose gender I am still not entirely sure about went on a tweet storm, listing miscellaneous "reasons" why he (or she, or possibly they) considered his (or her, or their) country superior to the U.S. of A. For some reason, our favorite on-the-verge-of-bankruptcy liberal bullshit click bait site didn't get around to regurgitating the content until earlier this month, though, complete with their own one-sentence "recaps" of the tweets. Most of the tweets were clearly tongue-in-cheek (although if you really think Canada is better than America because it has kinder eggs, poutine and ketchup-flavored chips, you REALLY need to reevaluate your life), but there were a few that took some decisive digs at American culture - i.e., a lot of bragging about having gay marriage since 2005 and Justin Trudeau being adorable and having lower tuition rates (which I suppose is a fair trade-off, seeing as how the purchasing power parity of the median American citizen compared to the average Canadian worker is only about $8,000 higher.) Of course, a lot of the tweets were just flat out erroneous, beginning with the social media analyst's argument that Canada's "free" health care system (which isn't "free" by a long shot) is superior to the the U.S system, although the Commonwealth Fund ranks America's health system MUCH better than the Canucks' when it comes to effective care, safe care, coordinated care, patient-centered care, cost-related problems and timeliness of care. Then there is the tweeter's assertion that Canada is a less lawsuit happy country (keep in mind, theirs is a country with far more stringent free expression laws, which effectively bar people from watching Bumfights, ordering certain sex dolls or even claiming the Holocaust didn't happen) and the ESPECIALLY bullshit allegation that Canada's "only crimes are like man hijacks bus to go to Tim Hortons." Yep, there is indeed no violent crime in Canada - you know, just as long as you overlook the teen-torturing husband and wife serial killers, misogynistic mass shooters, people charged with the murders of 26 women and homosexual cannibal porn stars. And of course, there is at least one glaring statistic that the author of the Canada championing article conveniently left out - despite all that ringing celebration of diversity and tolerance and equality, the tweeter fails to inform readers that Canada - comprised of about 76 percent Caucasians - is also a decisively whiter country than the States, with a black population barely 2 percent the size of America's. 

The never-ending horrors of life outside the lower 48

As god awful as America and Americans can be, the frank reality is that as terrible as the country and its inhabitants can get, it's still practically a Utopian paradise filled to coast-to-coast with 310 million saints compared to other parts of the globe and their peoples. Think America is a totally unlivable shit-hole? Well, after seeing how the rest of humanity lives, you'll be on your knees thanking the Lord above that you had the grace and good fortune to be born in the greatest country in the world...

Heck, even in the parts of the world you don't normally associate with "backwards barbarian third-world septic tank," there's some spooky stuff afoot. Case in point? Our good buddies over in the Netherlands recently agreed to help a woman in her 20's kill herself because she claimed the P.T.S.D. she suffered from an alleged rape was completely and totally insurmountable. As history has proven, however, I think it's pretty safe to say we have no reason to worry about a central European state enacting policies allotting for government-subsidized euthanasia whatsoever, thankfully.

Nazi dog salute leads to Scottish man's imprisonment 

For those of you wondering just how idiotically totalitarian the regressive left can get, a recent news story out of Scotland gives us a horrifying glimpse of things to come. On April 28, a 28-year-old man was ARRESTED by police after he uploaded a video online featuring a pug raising its paw in front of a television screen displaying Adolf Hitler. The young man has been charged with the not at all Orwellian-sounding crime of "improper use of electronic communications," which could land him half a year behind bars under the U.K.'s downright tyrannically vague Communications Act of 2003. "Posting offensive material online or in any other capacity will not be tolerated and police will act swiftly to tackle hate crimes that are motivated by malice or ill-will because of faith, ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation or disability," said detective inspector David Cockburn. "This clip has been shared and viewed online, which ultimately has caused offense and hurt to many people in our community." 

Of course, we laugh at the fundamental absurdity of it all, completely letting the novelty of the situation override the terrifying reality that freedom of speech in Europe is slowly but surely being eradicated and that the cult of new-wave progressivism is becoming codified as ACTUAL law piece by piece. And the despotic ideology is rampaging across the Western world, in what is arguably the greatest free-expression squelching mass social movement since the proliferation of communism in the mid-2oth century.

Take heed, folks. First, they came for the British guys who criticized migrants for their "mealy-mouthed" response to the Brussels terror attacks ... and I did not speak, because I was not a British guy who criticized migrants for their "mealy-mouthed" response to the Brussels terror attacks.

Then they came for the Australian students who chastised "indigenous peoples only" safe spaces ... and I did not speak because I was not an Australian student who chastised "indigenous peoples only" safe spaces.

Then they came for the Scots whose dogs gave Nazi salutes ... and I did not speak, because I was not a Scot whose dog gives Nazi salutes

Just don't be surprised when they come for you next ... because everybody who would've stood up for you has already been locked away for "problematic" thought crimes.  

...and a few headlines that speak for themselves...

Florida man kills Maine woman, steals debit card to buy beer and then has sex with her corpse

High schooler facing 69 counts of indecent exposure for whipping dong out in yearbook photo

Anti-Semitic graffiti shows up at Spanish village that recently changed its name from "Little Hill Fort of Jew Killers"

Kentucky Fried Chicken introduces edible, poultry-flavored nail polish

Cannibal Corpse fan berated at Wal-Mart for using food stamps

Amherst chemist admits to stealing, using drugs from Massachusetts labs for more than a decade 

Serial creeper busted at Florida Target - camerawoman says same man tried same stunt at Publix two years earlier

Indian students in California pissed curriculum only refers to them as "Southeast Asians"

Former Facebook employees says company algorithms designed to filter out pro-conservative news stories

Pennsylvania man high on weed charged with killing 5-month-old daughter

25-year-old  Ohio woman on trial for scalding 4-year-old stepson to death

Jackie Chan, Emma Watson among those name-checked in latest rounds of the Panama Papers

Study says pot legalization has led to considerable increase in automobile accidents

French teenager streams suicide live on Periscope

ISIS develops mobile app to teach kids Arabic

Iowa woman tries to flush newborn down toilet

Azealia Banks announces she supports Trump, immediately gets dropped from Born & Bred Festival, later kicked off Twitter

South Carolina barber pulls gun on customer, tells him he doesn't cut "black hair"

North Carolina school district lets students bring pepper spray in case transpeople try to use bathrooms

Researchers: Tylenol may make you more of a sociopath

Mizzou millionaire hunger-striker dropped by publicist after damning online videos surface

Hindus pray Trump is elected to stop radical Islam

'Make-your-own-Bernie-glow-stick' recipe is actually instructions for making chlorine bomb

Milwaukee Public Schools spend half a million dollars funding #BlackLivesMatter activities


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