THE INTERNET IS IN AMERICA: This Week in Social Justice Warrior-Dom

A fond look back at all the things that had ultra-P.C. jihadists OUTRAGED ... before they forget all about them in just a few days.

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@Jimbo__X

Media mobilizes to derail the Donald in wake of post-DNC comments concerning deceased Muslim soldier's family

I don't know if you were aware of this, but the mainstream media - running the gamut from ABC and CNN to Fox News and The National Review - really, really doesn't want Donald Trump to win the election this fall. Indeed, the leviathans of the totally not at all free press have more or less given up on the facade of being objective reporters in the run up to the unlikely populist presidential candidate's November bid, with The New York Times and The Washington Post churning out hit piece after hit piece trying to shame Donald supporters out of casting their ballots for the billionaire by describing their fellow Trump enthusiasts as "uneducated" and hailing from states with high levels of "racial hostility" - this, despite the fact that non-college-educated voters are more likely to vote for Hilary and the most heavily democratic states in the union are also among the absolute whitest in the country. Alas, The Huffington Posts and Salons and MSNBCs of the world felt sure as sugar that they FINALLY had Trump down for the count when, in the wake of the Democratic National Convention, the republican challenger shared a few choice words with Khizr and Ghazala Khan, the parents of an (obviously) Muslim U.S. soldier who died during the Iraq War (which, as an aside, was something Hilary Clinton voted for.) During the impassioned DNC speech, Khizr (interestingly enough, a man who makes a living selling "pay to play" EB5 immigration visas to wealthy Middle Easterners and who in the past has written lengthy academic journals about, and I quote, "The Juristic Classification of Islamic Law") at one point held up a pocket version of the Constitution and rhetorically asked if Donald Trump - who, in case you weren't aware of it, has advocated a temporary ban on immigrants from nations with heavy terrorist presence coming to America until tighter vetting processes can be put in place - if he had ever read it. Granted, one may wonder if Mr. Khan himself had ever read the Constitution, which anyone who has taken middle school civics would be able to tell you ONLY applies to native born and naturalized immigrants (additionally, the ability to deny specific populations immigrant status has been upheld by the 1953 SCOTUS ruling in Shaughnessy v. Meszei and incorporated as an executive branch power via the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1952) but asides, asides, asides. Following the lambasting, Trump retaliated by asking why Mrs. Khan didn't say anything during the speech, which in turn got the mass media Wehrmacht whirring like a hurricane. On Aug. 1, Buzzfeed News (yes, the definition of an oxymoron, I know) had no less than eight stories on its front page deriding Trump for his (allegedly) bigoted comments, with such not-at-all editorialized titles like "Trump is Trying to 'Dehumanize' the Khan Family"; The Washington Post ran a story with the not at all hyperbolic title "In Clash Between Trump and the Khans, New Signs of a Cultural and Political Divide"; The NYT did their damnedest to steer readers into thinking the brouhaha signals the death knell of the presidential candidate's campaign with their article "Donald Trump's Confrontation with Muslim Soldier's Parents Emerges as Unexpected Flash Point," while the brass-balled, juvenile Times op-Ed "How the 'Stupid Party' Created Donald Trump" pretty much comes out and says everything the "real reporters" at the Mexican telecommunications kingpin-owned publication WISHED they could just come out and say; and because tact has never been Ted Turner and pals' strongest suit, CNN responded to the flap by awkwardly declaring "Did Trump Go Too Far?" in a piece (of shit) penned by Eric Bradner that actually includes the nut graph "Just 100 days from the election, Trump has responded in his standard fashion - dig in, claim he's being treated unfairly and track back." And then, there was Politco, who in one of the greatest displays of media mindblindedness in recent memory, published a smear piece evoking the McCarthy era witch hunts titled, oh so humorously, "Have You No Sense of Decency, Mr. Trump?"

Of course, the same media that's absolutely vivisecting Trump has strangely overlooked his other comments, in which he declared Capt. Humayun Khan "a hero" and made the downright absurd claim that perhaps the media was exploiting the dust-up to gloss over the fact that a whole lot of Islamic radicals are killing a shit ton of innocent people all over the world and that as Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton did precious little to prevent the spread of the lethal Salafist ideology throughout the Middle East, Northern Africa and Europe ... let alone the fact that Khan himself was KILLED by a radical Islamofascist. Along those same lines, few if any shits were given when the mother of a soldier killed in Benghazi spoke at the DNC and criticized Hilary ... in fact Steven Benen at MSNBC called Patricia Smith's anti-Hill spiel an example of the Republican Party manipulating "the pain of a grieving mother for partisan gain," while GQ columnist Bethlehem Shoals replied to her impassioned speech by stating "I don't care how many children Pat Smith lost, I would like to beat her to death."

Still, the newspapers and the click bait sites and the late night talk show hosts continue to slam Trump, who they have already hysterically elevated to the level of Nazi menace, claiming he would imprison journalists and mass deport Hispanics, regardless of their immigration status, and even start World War 3 - all while doing as much as they can to downplay the fact that the DNC was caught red-handed trying to sabotage the electoral process to favor their preferred candidate and ESPECIALLY the fact that good old Hill may or may not have exposed super-sensitive, homeland security-comprising intel to parties that very much want to do egregious harm to American citizens. The mass media - that includes the alleged "journalistic" resources and the Hollywood entertainment complex - has more or less turned into an arm of the Democratic Party this year, with talking dildos like Bill Maher and John Oliver giving Hillary free advertising space under the guise of "comedy" and even established "news" providers like CNN and NBC more or less playing Clinton Defense Force as November approaches. Any opportunity to to make Trump look like a racist, sexist, homophobe, xenophobe, misogynist or crypto-fascist, they're going to take it - regardless, of course, whether what Trump says or (allegedly) did really can be construed as any of the above character-slaying insults. The horrifying irony, of course, is that the barons of big media are in fact everything they claim Trump represents; all insulated, egotistical, attention-demanding, power-hungry white (unless you consider Jewish an ethnicity instead of a religion) men who, by and large, were born into wealth they themselves never created. To liberal billionaires like Ted Turner and Arthur Sulzberger and Michael Bloomberg and George Soros and Jeff Bezos (don't tell me he's a Libertarian, neither), Donald Trump is indeed that warped reflection that resembles them a bit too much for their liking. He's every bit the megalomaniac they are, but because he's using his wealth and prestige to influence public policy the other direction, all of a sudden they snap out of the fog of glib self-unawareness and recognize the horrible unjustness of the rich using their financial clout to dictate culture and national affairs.

If you think The Atlantics and CBS Evening Newses of the world are so dead-set on using their pervasive cultural influence and vast amount of financial resources to destroy Trump’s campaign because he poses some sort of threat to their political or even economic agendas, think again. The media powers that are loathe Trump because, deep down, they know they are more like him – ruthless and narcissistic and willing to use their riches as weapons against government influence – than they are dislike him. Despite all of their incessant anti-1 percent, pro-democratic socialism, mega-multiculturalism rhetoric, they are still cold, calculating and conniving businessmen who put themselves and their own personal interests ahead of everybody else. They are the living embodiment of ideological hypocrisy – anti-capitalist billionaires and pro-globalization elitists who vaunt diversity as a social necessity despite living, working and thriving in enclaves so heterogeneous, they might as well be inbred. But as long as they can find some other convenient emblem of the excess and immorality of big business – and by golly, Donald Trump is just about the best golden calf you could pray for – they can tilt the populist resentment away from them and towards whatever cultural symbol they want the masses to hate with a burning, unthinking Orwellian fury. In the run-up to November, expect to see plenty more photographs of Hillary looking like an unblemished baroque painting while side-by-side with a suspiciously darkened screen grab of Trump practically foaming at the mouth in mid-sentence. Expect more scrutiny from the mass media, who’ll take things as innocuous as eating KFC with a fork and try to exaggerate it into some sort of story about cultural appropriation and disconnection from the common man. Every teeny-tiny thing Trump will say, I assure you Big Media will attempt to spin into some sort of narrative about racial, gender or ethnocentric bigotry, while every leaked email, document and furtive DOJ meeting involving the Democratic candidate will be swept under the rug.

But, as the absolutely improbable rise of Trump as presidential candidate has demonstrated time and time again, seemingly nothing the media lobs at him – every low blow, every personal insult, every flat out fabricated incident intentionally designed to ruin his reputation – manages to stick. That’s because, try as they may, a whole lot more Americans than they’d ever care to assume know the media is full of shit, that they are a bunch of smug, out-of-touch money grubbers mendaciously doing or saying whatever it takes to cajole the masses into believing, embracing and supporting whatever it is that behooves their interests.

The media big wigs can keep on slandering Trump for his comments about Gold Star moms remaining mum during speeches. They can keep positing his supporters as neo-Nazi hate criminals (while completely overlooking the insane amount of ideological carnage wrought by anti-Trump protesters), they can keep calling him a draft dodger and asking him what greater “sacrifices” he ever made for his country (which, incidentally, could also be asked of Hillary with equal merit.) They can overlook all the military vets who love him and support him and give them their Purple Hearts and they can keep calling him a loony tune and “unfit” for the Oval Office and an existential threat to humanity itself and it still doesn’t matter.

The Donald may not be the most trustworthy man in America, but he’s certainly no worse than the great cultural taste makers telling us what to think and feel everyday on television, online and in our newspapers. And perhaps portending a very 2004-like November, there’s a very strong chance the American public will show their dissatisfaction with the Trump-loathing leftist Hollywood/Media/Big Government industrial complex a little later this year in the most hilariously delicious way possible – by forcing those same print and broadcasting titans to utter the three words they fear more than the Grim Reaper hisself.

Look at Allah mayhem going on!

I've got to say, I feel bad for the Muslim folks. There's at least 1.6 billion of them out there - representing a paltry quarter of humanity - and of them, maybe a good 100,000 or so are actively out and about, plotting and scheming and planning to kill a whole bunch of innocent people to prove some sort of weird-ass theocratic point. It's undoubtedly unfair to lump in the overwhelming majority of peaceful, non-homicidal Muslims in with the ISIS and Al Qaeda set, but at the same time, it's pretty hard to not observe all of the insane carnage being perpetrated on a near daily-basis by those aforementioned "hostile Islamists." Indeed, it would be brass-balled ignorance to simply turn one's eyes away from the matter, and we here at The Internet Is In America have a deep, deep reverence for the factual over the notional. Although minuscule in rank compared to their non-violent and non-persecutory ideological brethren, there are nonetheless a whole lot of people in the world who profess a strong belief in the tenants of Islam who also have been killing, attacking, raping, abusing and degrading people for a long, long, long time - and the recent occurrences below, as much as we want to write them off as aberrational, are merely the latest bloody drops in their bucket of philosophically-spawned death and destruction:

On July 26, two men with alleged ties to ISIS entered a church in Normandy and slit the throat of an 85-year-old priest right after he finished mass. A hostage situation followed, with the two knife-wielding assailants eventually being shot dead by police.
On July 23, at least 80 protesters were killed and another 200 seriously injured in a suicide bombing in Kabul. ISIS has taken responsibility for the attack, which is the deadliest in Afghanistan in 15 years.
In northern Germany, a half dozen men described as "fluent in German and Arabic" stormed into a pool yelling "Allahu Akbar" and allegedly spit at children and called women swimming nude "sluts" who deserved to be executed. According to The Daily Mail, the men then went to a water skiing facility and harassed other clients, before an employee chased them out of the building. The bizarre incident occurred just days after the Federal Association of German Swimming Professionals announced an initiative to reduce sexual attacks at public and private pools by training Muslim immigrants to be lifeguards.
Elsewhere in northern Germany, a 79-year-old woman was purportedly raped in a cemetery by a 40-year-old Eritrean refugee. The victim was visiting the grave of her sister at the time of the brutal attack.
A 21-year-old Welsh woman has asked the British government to rescue her from the clutches of her 60-year-old father in Saudi Arabia, who has imprisoned her for kissing a man. "Her treatment has extended to depriving her of food and water, depriving her of toilet facilities, physical assault and control of her ability to marry who she wishes and creating a situation in which she feels compelled to marry as a means of escape," said the young woman's representative at the British consulate in Jeddah.
A north African youth soccer team has been booted from an international tournament in Sweden after several members of the team and their manager, a 36-year-old man, allegedly molested three 16-year-old girls. "They started touching them, tried to get their hands underneath their clothes," says the mother of one of the victimized girls. "The kissed them and my daughter got the adult man's tongue in her mouth. They panicked and fought to free themselves."
Just when you thought you had heard the last story about mass migrant-initiated rape at German music festivals, police officials in Bremen have come clean about at least 24 incidents of of young women, several whom were underage, being sexually harassed and assaulted by middle eastern asylum seekers - this time, in broad daylight at a concert promoting (the irony, it burns!) cultural diversity. According to official reports, the attacks were so brazen that the band stopped performing to yell at the sex criminals to stop. Coincidentally, a report was released around the time of the attack indicating that 83 percent of Germans considered immigration the "biggest problem" facing der menschen nowadays. Interestingly, in the results of the same poll issued last year, the number of respondents listing the mass influx of migrants as Germany's biggest public policy challenge was only 35 percent.
In Belgium, an alleged "asylum seeker" of Middle Eastern dissent knocked on the door of Father Jos Vanderlee and asked if he could use his shower. After Vanderlee refused to give the purported refugee any money, he responded by stabbing the 65-year-old with a knife several times.
You know, the young people in Afghanistan are very mature for their age. Which, of course, is the only acceptable answer as to why a father in Kabul recently sold a Muslim cleric - believed to be in his 50s or 60s - his daughter's hand in marriage. Oh, and by the way ... his daughter is only 6-years-old.
In England, six people were stabbed by a 19-year-old Norwegian national of Somali descent. The victims include one fatality, an American woman in her 60s. Of course, the mainstream media can blame the grisly incident on one thing, and one thing only ... a lack of mental health treatments.
Can you believe how bigoted and homophobic America is? All of the hate and contempt flowing out of the pro-Trump, conservative Christian contingent makes the U.S. of A one of the least hospitable places on the world for LGBT individuals. I mean, it's not like teenage boys are being hanged to death in Iran for engaging in "forced male-to-male intercourse" or anything like that, you know?
In Malaysia, a 28-year-old man was staring down two counts of statutory rape for engaging in icky, icky activities with a 14-year-old girl. Alas, he nonetheless managed to avoid any time behind bars ... by simply marrying his victim.

But you know, it just ain't right of us to talk about all of this Muslim-instigated madness and mayhem and sick sex crimes without also shining a light on some of the terrible things that are being perpetrated against Islamic people themselves. Case in point? Over in India, two Muslim women were recently attacked by a mob at a rail station for carrying what their assailants thought was beef. As it turns out, though, the meat in question actually belonged to a buffalo - but in a classic "from bad to worse" knee-slapper, buffalo meat is super-duper-illegal in Madhya Pradesh for some abstruse reason, so in addition to getting the living shit beat out of them by irked Hindu people, they're now looking at substantial jail time for the ghastly, ghastly crime of "smuggling and trying to sell" verboten protein.

Sex-crime-a-palooza '16 is in full swing

Here at The Internet Is In America, we've talked many, many times before about the peculiar discrepancies in public reaction to sex crimes depending on the individual qualifiers of the people doing the raping. For example, when a really, really rich college frat boy fingers a drunk girl behind a dumpster, it's a national disgrace criticized on every nook and cranny of the Internet. But when the rapist just so happens to be an HIV positive gay porn star convicted of sodomizing a child - or an AIDS-infected Malawian who is paid by village elders to deflower 12-year-olds - or a female teacher who receives no jailtime at all despite engaging in intercourse with two minors - meh, I guess bad things just kinda' happen sometimes for no real reason. Below, you'll find a few more strangely under-reported accounts of people doing horrible, horrible sexual things to unwilling victims ... and I'll leave it up to you to figure out why the CNNs and New York Timeses of the world are steering clear of 'em like Dracula shying away from a sunrise over a garlic patch:

Online, 28-year-old Brit Daniel Rodriguez boasted of being a world-famous rapper named "Grimey D." In reality, he was an unemployed slob who still lived with his parents and spent his free time trying to "groom" underage children for stomach-churning acts of debauchery. Recently, he was apprehended by police for sending out more than 10,000 messages to would-be child victims asking them to come to his residence for God knows what sort of sickening misadventures. Police also report uncovering video footage of Rodriguez engaged in the rape of what they believe to be three 14-year-olds.
A massive sting in Scotland has resulted in the arrest of at least 77 people on a litany of charges ranging from rape to sexual extortion to bestiality. In the wake of "Operation Latisse," officials uncovered more than 300 million illicit images of as many as 523 young children being sexually abused - the youngest of whom was only 3-years-old. According to the BBC, the amount of illegal media seized in the operation would take four full-time officer six months to scan.
In Australia, a 12-year-old boy has been arrested for breaking into the home of a woman, stabbing her and attempting to rape her. The victim is 76-years-old.
In Edina, Minn., Lloyd Kerr Rudy was arrested for masturbating in a public pool in front of underage teenagers. Rudy, already a registered sex offender after being found guilty of sexual assault charges in 1983, has been arrested for indecent exposure. The 90-year-old reportedly had several sex toys on his person at the time of the incident.
In New Jersey, 34-year-old Carlos E. Uzcategui - apparently, an unauthorized immigrant from Venezuela - has been charged with both raping a 15-year-old boy and supplying him with needle drugs. Oh, and by the way, Uzcategui never cared to tell his underage victim he had HIV.
Hey, Kesha announced she's dropping her rape case against former producer Dr. Luke in California. Well, it's not like she testified under oath that he never sexually attacked her in a 2011 deposition or anything like that...
...but hey, whenever there's one less sexual abuse controversy in the Golden State, it's pretty much a guarantee an even more sensational one will pop up and take it's place immediately. And yeah, breaking news about the mayor of Stockton allegedly playing strip poker with minors ought to keep us entertained for weeks and weeks to come.

But of course, not everyone accused of rape actually, you know, raped somebody. Such were the unfortunate circumstance for 17-year-old Jay Cheshire, who committed suicide last year after being fraudulently accused of sexual assault. On the one-year anniversary of her son's death, 55-year-old Karin Cheshire has elected to take her own life, as well, having hung herself in the same manner as her deceased child. Consider the Cheshires but the latest in a long line of unpublicized "rape culture" victims ... the estimated 40 percent of alleged sexual assault perpetrators wrongly accused, yet forever forced to wear the albatross of indignity and shame while the people who remorselessly lied about being the victims of nonexistent crimes walk away scot-free from any consequences stemming from their concentrated efforts to destroy someone else's life.

If you're not outraged, you're not trying hard enough

In many ways, America has become a society utterly infatuated with indignation. Forget baseball, the new national pastime is clearly the post-post-post-modern sport of self-victimization, in which we scour the planet for any and all things we can claim "slights us" so we can go online and get affirmation from others about how wrong other people are and how goddamn great we are as attention-craved individuals. Unfortunately, not everyday do people spray paint swastikas on our houses or try to gang rape us, so most of the time, we have to really grasp for straws to find something to be incensed about. And, as the kerfuffles below indicate, it really doesn't take much at all these days to get us sounding the moral outrage alarm:

Bloviating Fox News blowhard Bill O'Reilly was mercilessly attacked after he said that "well-fed" slaves who had "decent lodgings" helped build the White House. Somewhere lost in the hysterical media backlash: that European "servants"also helped construct the iconic building, some African-Americans received payment for building the White House and the current building in D.C. - the one the Obamas sleep in - was built in 1952.
A Colorado waitress was fired and later Twitter-lynched by people upset the Texas Roadhouse server said she "would kill as many Mexicans as I could" if The Purge happened in real life. Megan Olson - who is so basic she's literally duck-facing in her Twitter profile pic - later apologized, stating "I wrote hurtful, inconsiderate, insensitive and careless words and I understand the amount of people I have offended by that" on Facebook. If you are looking for context ... apparently, she was mad because she wasn't getting enough tips.
Tracy Rosner is suing the Miami-Dade County School Board for rejecting her for a job that required her to speak an hour of Spanish a day ... even though she doesn't speak Spanish. Rosner's lawyers deem the rejection an act of racial bias, claiming their client was denied employment "because of her race and national origin as a non-Hispanic individual who was not a fluent and native Spanish-speaker."
Seattle Seahawk Richard Sherman was savaged on the social media sphere for his controversial musing that "All Lives Matter." Writing for the Huffington Post, the blindingly Caucasian Maxwell Strachan stated "in the United States of America, in 2016, the necessary context is that when someone say 'All Lives Matter,' they really aren't saying all lives matter anymore. In reality, they're implying something much more hateful than that." Because as we all know, a white man telling a black person exactly how they ought to feel about certain issues is the very opposite of "racism."
Speaking of the anti-All-Lives-Matter bandwagon, the vice president of the University of Houston's Student Government Association has had a $700 stipend revoked, been forced to attend a pro-diversity workshop, attend at least three events held by the black student caucus every month until March, write a letter about how much shame she feels and then publicly renounce her backwards ways after she proclaimed "forget black lives matter, all lives matter" on social media a couple of months ago. And for no relevant reason whatsoever, here's a totally random article I stumbled across on Wikipedia that in no way, shape or form reminds me of what's going on in Cougar Country right now.
Echoing the Leslie Jones kerfuffle from a few weeks back, feminist writer Jessica Valenti too announced she was saying goodbye to Twitter, because online trolls are allegedly threatening to rape her five-year-old daughter. Not so outraging to the hardcore, self-professed women's rights crusader? The rampant sexual exploitation of young girls in Saudi Arabia, India, South Africa, Zimbabwe, the United Kingdom or right here in the United States.
Animal rights activists are mighty miffed over one Terry Washington, a 55-year-old Austin, Texas man who was filmed beating a turtle to death with a hammer while concerned onlookers told him to stop. Washington has since apologized for his actions, claiming he pummeled the reptile into a puddle of amphibious goop because he feared for his life.
Just in time to counteract all of the anti-Hillary rancor in the wake of the Democratic National Convention, Fortune, the New York Daily News, The Huffington Post, New York Daily News, The Washington Post, Jezebel, the Miami Herald and CNN have run stories about a lone Wal-Mart refusing to sell a T-shirt that said "someday a woman will be president" ... in 1995.
An episode of the long-running BBC children's program Fireman Sam has been pulled from the airwaves ... because some people are upset a character appears to have stepped on a sheet of paper that looks like it might be a page from the Koran.
Constance Wu, who the Internet tells me is an actress on some TV show about an Asian-American family coping with the hardships of having an annual income nearly 20 percent greater than that of Caucasians, is outraged over the "whitewashing" going on in the Chinese-backed movie Great Wall, which may or may not feature the quite white Matt Damon playing a dragon slayer. Meanwhile, nobody gives a shit - or, perhaps, is too afraid to say anything - about the nation's number one play featuring a Puerto Rican Alexander Hamilton and a black Thomas Jefferson.
A Dallas weatherman has resigned from his post after stating on Facebook that "The DNC parading the mothers of slain thugs around on their stage has me furious." Well, I guess that explains his unwillingness to discuss black ice during his forecasts, no? (For those looking for some context, the disgraced meteorologist was making a reference to the 'Mothers of the Movement,' a collection of nine women whose children were gunned down by police officers. Well, except for the two whose children were slain by private citizens under "stand your ground" laws. And one whose daughter killed herself in prison. And another two whose children were actually shot and killed by African-American gang members.)
Ukrainian classical musician Valentina Lisitsa (and before you ask, yes, you would) is suing critic John Bell-Young for $6.7 million. Although it sounds like a severe case of butthurt, this Lisitsa CMILF (the "CM" is for "classical musician," naturally) might actually have a case, since this Bell-Young guy has publicized the fact that he wants to do irreparable harm to her career and prevent her from performing shows in the United States because he doesn't like her pro-Russian politics. "Oh, she she should absolutely drop dead," he told the New York Post. "I don't really care what she says because she's a horrible pianist, she's a horrible human being."

And setting a new gold standard for people really pushing the limits of what constitutes civil rights violations, a woman in Tennessee has accused a Chinese restaurant server of sexually assaulting her ... via a figurine that squirted water on her. Alas, police investigating the incident noticed more than a few things about the alleged victim's story that don't quite add up. "I observed the toy to have no penis and just a hole for the water to shoot out," one official told local media.

Apple to drop pistol emoji in favor of new water gun pictograph

In what has to be one of the most yellow-bellied examples of a major corporation kowtowing to leftist manufactured dissent, Apple announced that it will be removing its handgun emoji from its products and replace it with an all new neon-green squirt gun. Interestingly, the Aug. 1 "upgrade" also included the addition of an all new rainbow flag. "Apple is working closely with the Unicode Consortium to ensure that popular emoji characters reflect the diversity of people everywhere," the world's first trillion-dollar company announced in a mealy-mouthed press release. Of course, seeing as how the number of gun owners in the U.S. is a good 18 times larger than those who self identify as LGBT, one has to wonder what sort of diversity the House of Jobs is talkin' 'bout here. Furthermore, one has to wonder why - in the wake of the Normandy priest slaying, the Nice truck massacre and the virtually daily suicide bombings throughout the Middle East - Apple is keeping its knife, big rig and old-timey time bomb emojis. But on the bright side? At least they nixed that damned rifle emoji from the 2017 lineup - a move that, unquestionably, will do wonders to lower the nation's staggeringly high rate of gun homicides.

Joe Biden to guest star on a very special episode of Law & Order

Fresh off presiding over a homosexual marriage at the White House (one can only wonder how George Washington would feel about such), VPOTUS Joe Biden announced he will guest star on an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit slated to air later this fall to "start a dialogue" about the sexual abuse of women. Much the same way Nancy Reagan just showed up for no reason on Diff'rent Strokes to push the "Just Say No" campaign to a bunch of third grade dope dealers, Variety says old "Butt Buddy" himself will take advantage of the primetime platform opposite a man who once recorded a song espousing the murder of police officers to talk about the nation's epidemic of "rape kit" backlogs and why good golly, domestic abuse ain't cool no matter who's doing it. Whether or not the veep's performance will outdo Donald Trump's one-and-done appearance on Nightman, however, has yet to be determined.

And we're off to the races!

Every week ... well, no, more like every twenty minutes ... in America, the media bombards us with some new story about white intolerance and the cultural maltreatment of individuals of color. Many times, these stories are 100 percent legitimate and worthy of discussion. Other times, however, it is pretty clear that the only point of publicizing said incidents is to stir up a commotion - and, as you will soon see, put the kibosh on some unfortunate incidents that threaten to overwrite the grand narrative we are all supposed to believe about race relations in these United States...

Oh sweet Jesus, the new Miss Teen USA may or may not have used the dreaded, revolting, unthinkable, unconscionableand most certainly unforgivable "n-word" three or four years ago on Twitter. And if you don't the fact that she's getting to keep her crown is a national disgrace, clearly, you are one bigoted, prejudiced racist son of a bitch/and or just plain bitch who should be forcibly starved.
On Aug. 1, two transwomen were brutally assaulted in a D.C.-area 7-Eleven. If you are wondering why this hasn't gotten that much play in the media ... well, it may or may not have something to do with the assailants being Hispanic.
Pennsylvania mom Luz Rentas recently saw her son get arrested and sent down the creek for a long, long time after taking a few shots at police officers. Surely making all of the media representatives who received her statment a spit take, Rentas blamed her son's actions on the Black Lives Matter movement. "They are in jail for doing what Black Lives Matter wanted them to do: shoot at cops," Rentas said. "The truth is that these are two punk kids following the orders of an irresponsible organization and now they're gonna' pay for it."
In San Diego, pissed constituents are DEMANDING that city councilwoman Myrtle Cole resign after she made the controversial - and by "controversial," I mean "100 percent true but we don't want to think about it" - statement that black-on-black crime is a major societal issue, and that because of young black men's penchant for engaging in criminal activity at higher rates than other ethnic groups, that's probably why they end up getting arrested so frequently.
Oberlin College professor Joy Karega has been taken to task by her university for saying some questionable things about the Jewish folks, including alleging that they somehow masterminded the disappearance of a Malaysian airplane in 2014. Alas, despite her supremely bigoted and paranoid musings, she will remain on paid leave suspension ... and if you think that slap on the wrist "punishment" is just because she is a black woman, well, you're the real racist, you bigot, you.
According to some analysts on the left side of the false political binary, the term "All Lives Matter" is actually a prejudiced term that downplays the specific plights and miseries of the African-American community. So leave it to clearly bigoted Edward, Miss. Police Chief Torrence Mayfield to use his own money to place decals on all of the city's police vehicles. Oh, one more thing ... Mr. Mayfield is African-American.

And helping us put all of this in perspective, octogenarian actor and director Clint Eastwood recently drew the ire of leftists everywhere when he said he planned on supporting Donald Trump in this year's election. "He's onto something because secretly everybody's getting tired of political correctness, kissing up," Eastwood said. "That's the kiss-ass generation we're in right now. We're really a pussy generation. Everybody's walking on eggshells." Continuing, the star of such illustrious works as Any Which Way You Can and The Eiger Sanction bemoaned how quick people are nowadays to toss out the r-word. "We see people accusing people of being racist and all kinds of stuff," he said. "When I grew up, those things weren't called racist."

Which, as we all know, must mean one thing, and one thing only - Clint Eastwood has to be one racist motherfucker.

A few post-DNC musings...

The Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia ... despite widespread threats of fart attacks ... went off sans any major incidents late last month. Still, there were quite a few moments from the DNC that are probably worth revisiting - and to be frank, a lot of them are way more hilarious than people floating up air biscuits during Hillary's acceptance speech, anyway...

The big turd in the punch bowl, of course, was the palpable animus between dyed-in-the-wool Hillary supporters and the severely soured Bernie Sanders supporters her campaign is now trying to court for November votes like overly enthusiastic crack peddlers in 1980s anti-drug PSAs. After "The Bern" was booed by his own adherents when he formally lent his support for Hill, incredibly unfunny comedienne and Sanders campaigner Sarah Silverman used her podium time to tell her fellow Bernie Bros. and Sander-sisters at the convention to stop acting like a bunch of babies and unconditionally rally behind their new golden goddess. The unabashedly pro-Clinton media celebrated the moment as if Silverman was literally the first person in history to ever tell entitled Sanders fans to STFU, with CNBC describing her as a "secret weapon" to unify the fragmented establishment/weed-and-socialism-for-everybody Democratic Party wings. Anonymous then promptly hacked into her Twitter account and started spitting out anti-Hillary propaganda, because that ought to prove all those critics calling Sanders' supporters a bunch of unhinged, juvenile Red Guards wrong.
Just hours before the convention started in Philadelphia, WikiLeaks dumped a huge amount of data pretty much proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz had been conspiring from day one to make sure Hillary wound up getting the party vote, with top-secret documents revealing their plans to derail the Sanders campaign by, among other things, questioning whether or not he was a real Jew. Of course, rather than address the verified corruption within their own political party, left-leaners like Franklin Foer over at Slate instead focused on just how goddamn terrible it was that foreign interests had hacked their servers, with those pesky Ruskies almost assuredly trying to swing the election in favor of Donald Trump.
Of course, it is hard to talk about the DNC fallout without talking about the impact of the Black Lives Matter contingent on said festivities. We already touched upon the "mothers of the movement" moment earlier, but for some reason, few in Big Media have felt the need to address the fact that apparent BLM activists booed loudly during a moment of silence at the event intended to pay respects to fallen police officers. Nor have the CNNs and Hufington Posts of the world felt compelled to bring to light a series of protests outside the DNC, in which BLM higher-ups ordered white sympathizes to "the back of the line" during marches.
Heading into November's election, the Dems have absolutely savaged Trump over his plans to erect a barrier spanning the U.S.\Mexican border. Additionally, Hillary supporters took Melania Trump to the hypothetical woodshed after she made comments at the RNC that apparently were stolen from a speech Michelle Obama gave several years earlier. Strangely, the Democratic folks seem mighty mum on the fact that a four mile security wall was built around the Philadelphia arena and its environs for their convention, and even mummer on the fact that bits and pieces of Barack Obama's endorsement speech of Hillary at the DNC bared an uncanny resemblance to the speech Donald Trump, Jr. gave at the RNC just a week earlier.
Not at all displaying a sense of hysterical, infantile partisan madness, many in the leftist media accused Trump of espionage for cracking a joke shortly after the DNC about being hopeful that Vladimir Putin can find Hillary's "lost emails." Never mind that Trump called Putin "untrustworthy" in literally the same breathe as his joke about the Clinton emails ... such is all the proof we need that this Trump fellow actively aides and abets meddling foreign interlopers. I mean, it's not like the Clintons are known for having close financial ties to nation-states that covered up pivotal information about 9\11 or anything, right?

And while it is the definition of "an aside," one day I hope each and everyone of you finds the same unabashed love that Bill Clinton - perhaps ravaged by early onset dementia, as evidenced by his rambling Hillary endorsement at the DNC - apparently fosters for balloons these days.

Georgia is literally heaven on earth

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - as a lifelong resident of the Peach State, Georgia is infinitely more fucked up than Florida. Yeah, we all know about "Florida Man," but what's missing from the equation is the fact that Florida, to some capacity, has something of a culture to speak of. Miami is a huge economic engine, Tampa and Orlando are both projected to be among the fastest growing job markets in the nation and lest we forget, there's a strong military presence in places like Jacksonville and Pensacola. Of course, crazy stuff happens in FLA all the time, but if you're a state with three NFL teams, that nonetheless means you've MOSTLY got some semblance of civilization. Georgia, on the other hand, is basically Coca-Cola, Home Depot, an airport and gentrified urban housing encircled by hundreds and hundreds of miles of violent, drugged-up, nihilistic no-gooders of all conceivable racial and ethnic categories, whose primary escape from the unbearable ennui of living in the non-Atlanta nothingness of Georgia is to wreak as much pointless carnage as (in)humanly possible. Sound like hyperbole? Well, just take a look at this recent transgressions in my neck of the woods and dare argue to the contrary:

Although Georgia's elected officials are usually only noteworthy for their hard line, crypto-racist regressivist conservative rhetoric, two African-American liberal politicians in the environs of Atlanta made waves recently with some very, very questionable comments about their ideological rivals. First, Dekalb County Commissioner Sharon Barnes Sutton drew criticism for distributing a flier comparing democratic challenger Steve Bradshaw to Samuel L. Jackson's character in Django Unchained. Alas, it may indeed be a classier attack than her last, which lambasted Bradshaw for being married to a white woman. Doing her one better, U.S. Rep. Hank Johnson ruffled a few feathers when he described Jewish settlers in Palestine as "termites." Of course, seeing as how this is the same man who once publicized his fears that Guam would capsize if too many troops were stationed there, perhaps we shouldn't invest too much merit in his thoughts on geopolitical issues.
In Roswell, 20-year department veteran Sgt. Silvia Cotriss was fired after someone complained about her home flying the Confederate battle flag. "How can we trust an officer like that to do their job with integrity?" said Eagles Nest Church Lee Jenkins, who reportedly informed the city's police chief about the "troubling display" several weeks ago.
In Savannah, 16-year-old Nia Green allegedly sent racy photos to her boyfriend. Her mama Shanavia Miller responded in the most level-headed way possible: she beat the ever-loving dogshit out of daughter for four minutes, posted the horrific display of child abuse on Facebook Live and asked viewers to make it go "viral."
In Feb. 2015, Waycross man Ronnie Music, Jr. won $3 million playing the state lottery. He is now staring down decades in the slammer for apparently using his winnings to run a crystal meth trafficking ring.
Sandra Ann Reed, 50, has been charged with stabbing her 55-year-old boyfriend to death in a July 30 argument. And if your first thought upon seeing her mugshot isn't "why are the showing a photograph of the victim?", I'll kiss you full on the lips.
The University System of Georgia, in a rare move, has agreed to a settlement with two Georgia Tech college students falsely accused of sexual assault. The $125,000 payout to a student fraudulently accused of raping a male classmate represents the first time in five years that the USG has overturned any public college in a sexual assault suit. The second suit allows a GT student accused of raping a female classmate to receive his degree from the university, but bars him from attending any other public university or college in the state. But on the bright side, at least Emory University is still offering free courses to the state's convicted child murderers and armed robbers ... just as long as they are female, naturally.
Hey, remember a few years ago when that one fat guy with a sweet potato shaped head and the dumbest haircut this side of Dylan Roof got busted for leaving his infant daughter (perhaps intentionally?) to die in a hot car? Well, proving that people of color can do everything the white folks can do, Carrollton's Asa North was apprehended Aug. 4 by police for apparently leaving his twin 15-month-old daughters Ariel and Alynah to bake inside a sweltering automobile until they both died from hyperthermia. The 24-year-old has been charged with two counts of involuntary manslaughter and reckless conduct, but there's a pretty good chance those could be boosted up to a double count of child homicide over the next couple of weeks.
In suburban Atlanta, 20-year-old Jeffery Hazelwood has been charged with the double murder of 17-year-old high school students Carter Davis and Natalie Davis. The po-po are mum on the circumstances of the homicide, but it's probably a safe bet to assume the double slaying (which occurred behind a Publix grocery store, in the early morning hours of Aug. 1) was the end outcome of a drug deal gone sour. Also notable is the fact that the alleged murderer looks just like Joseph Gribble from King of the Hill.
How do you top being arrested for leaving your 9-month-old alone in a hot car while wandering around CVS for 10 minutes? Well, Melissa Tomesh recently outdid her Aug. 2014 second degree child cruelty and reckless conduct charges by driving drunk and high, passing out, running her car off the road and being found by police apparently breastfeeding her child in a drunken and stoned stupor.
You've got be a sick, sick individual to be in your 60s and get caught having sex with a kid. Alas, such is the fate of Paulding County man Freddie Wadsworth, who was recently apprehended by police for just such an act. Oh, and when I say "kid," I'm not using the slang terminology to describe a minor ... I mean the dude really did get arrested for fucking a goat.

And if you were under the impression that only Georgia's inhabitants and taxpayer-subsidized institutes are batshit goofy, as it turns out the state code itself is every bit as wacky as the people it governs. Case in point? Georgia's Court of Appeals recently tossed out the conviction of grocery store employee Brandon Lee Gary, who walked around filming "up skirt" videos of customers, because the state's vaguely defined "invasion of privacy" law explicitly says filming is only illicit when it occurs "in any private place and out of public view." In the half-hilarious, half-tragic words of Judge Elizabeth Branch: "it is regrettable that no law currently exists which criminalizes Gary's reprehensible conduct."

Another reminder that in America, you need a government license to fish, but absolutely no credentials to make and then care for another human life

The children, it is often said, are our future. And unfortunately, that future is often entrusted to the hands of parents who are so gloriously unprepared and inept at the task of raising children that you have to wonder if eugenics laws are really that bad of an alternative. Should we begin with the mother in Oklahoma who "accidentally" put vodka in her baby's formula? Or how about the South Carolina mom who murdered her 17-month-old daughter by feeding her a lethal amount of salt to "get her husband back?" How about the Austin, Texas, woman who threw boiling water on her boyfriend and her two-year-old son because she thought her boo was being unfaithful? Then, there's the Milwaukee man who drowned his three-month-old son while screaming "Jesus will save me" ... which, as fate would have it, occurred just weeks after a South Carolina mom drowned her six-week-old son in a strip mall pond. So, like I was saying earlier ... are breeding laws really THAT much of an ethical dilemma?

The New York Times publishes the worst fucking thing you've ever seen

The whole point of being a journalistic outfit is to be impartial. You tell people basic facts, and if it involves any kind of political elements, it's your duty and obligation as a reporter to present both sides of whatever contentious issue you are discussing so people can come to their own well-informed opinions on the subject. Furthermore, your story is expected to have some sort of justification for existing - it's describing the hows and whys of a very specific thing in detail, it's bringing to light newfound public information, it's addressing a timely topic, etc. And yes, even if it is literary, unbiased nonfiction, it should indeed include a narrative of some type, featuring primary information culled directly from personal interviews and/or other verified documents. Enter the NYT feature "This Is Your Life, Brought to You by Private Equity," which serves as both a reminder of why nobody gives any credence to journalism anymore and why the entire industry is on the verge of complete multimedia irrelevancy. Rather than offering paragraphical content, the entire "story" is a quasi-animated, "tablet journalism" cartoon "explaining" with the madcap zeal of a 1950s high school science film strip why private equity firms are a bunch of evil, money-grubbing capitalist-nazis whose expansive reach extends from the public water supply to road atlases to golf courses to highways (with a few hyperlinks sprinkled in to some of the stories the Times penned about said firms that were so boring, nobody bothered reading them.) Eventually, the cartoon-propaganda-masquerading-as-journalism concludes with a house catching fire (symbolism!), and the unnamed, in-gendered "every-man" protagonist nearly dying because the private-equity-controlled ambulances and fire response vehicles took so damn slow. Ultimately, I don't know what's worse - that such a shameless piece of agitprop somehow found its way inside the nation's most illustrious newspaper, or the fact that it took four fucking people to write it.

South African political hopeful disqualified after calling for Caucasian holocaust

You know, here in the U.S., we're prone to hyperbole, especially when it comes to the term "political extremism." The descriptor, if you ask me, is used all too frequently to label people who, frankly, aren't "extremist" in the slightest - for example, some have called failed presidential candidate Ted Cruz a "Christian extremist" because his campaign included ... gasp ... "outreach to evangelical fundamentalist Christians!" Granted, it's not necessarily clear how pandering for the God's Not Dead vote is the same thing as taking part in militia training to fight a racial holy war or plotting to shoot up the Family Research Council building and drape chicken sandwiches over your victims' corpses to make a stand for gay rights, but you can call your ideological rivals whatever the hell you want, can't you? Lest ye ever get the wild idea that the American political arena has transmogrified into a three ring circus of insanity, perhaps it is worth all of our collective whiles to remember that elsewhere in the world, the democratic process is INFINITELY more fucked up. Case in point? Down in South Africa - where there may or may not be legitimate ethnic cleansing of white folks going on - a member of the Economic Freedom Fighters party has been ousted for declaring on Facebook "all white people must be hacked and killed." Worse still, the person who made the comments, Thabo Mabotja, was actually running for a provincial government spot in Thswane. Interestingly, it's not the first time this year a municipal figurehead in South Africa has been taken to task for saying virulently anti-white things on social media. In January, Velaphi Khumalo, a marketer for Gauteng's Department of Sport and Recreation, went on Facebook and declared that "we must act as Hitler did to the Jews ... I will today unfriend all white people I have as friends from today u must be put under the same blanket as any other racist white because secretly u all are a bunch of racist fuck heads." Interestingly, Khumalo wasn't fired for declaring an entire ethnic group worthy of mass slaughter - indeed, he was given a stern warning and then went right back to the office.

Huh ... using the construct of "racism" to justify one's own racism and "legitimize" mass, unthinking violence against an entire ethnic group. Boy, it's a good thing we don't have to worry about any sort of idealists of the sort over here in the U.S., no?

...and a few headlines that speak for themselves...