Sunday, October 9, 2016

40 Startling Similarities Between Freddy Krueger and Michael Jackson

You will be amazed just how many commonalities the two share...

By: Jimbo X

01.) Both were incredibly popular cultural entertainment figures in the 1980s  ...

02.) ... only to become total parodies of themselves in the 1990s. 

03.) Both were known for wearing a trademark hat ... 

04.) ... as well as idiosyncratically wearing a glove on just one of their hands

05.) Both starred in video games of debatable quality in 1990.

06.) Both went on hiatus in the mid 1990s, only to make ill-fated comeback attempts in the early 2000s.

07.) One was featured in nine theatrically released motion pictures while the other produced nine studio albums (HIStory doesn't count, since it's really just a glorified compilation album.)

08.) One had an arch rival who wore a lot of purple and the other had an arch rival who was inexplicably purple in a Nintendo game

09.) One is accused of ripping off the plot of an obscure Dennis Quad movie from the early '80s and the other is accused of ripping off the dance moves of the guy who directed All That Jazz

10.) Both inspired an endless array of imitators

11.) Both were known for taking up residence in secluded fortresses, where they often lured children for prolonged periods of time

12.) One hung out with Brooke Shields while the other hung out with a chick who kinda looked like Brooke Shields.

13.) Canonically, they both died under mysterious circumstances, with foul play almost certainly involved.

This Blues Brothers reboot ought to be one hell of a remake, that's for sure.

14.) Both were directed/managed by several people over the years, but seemingly only their creators could get anything decent out of them. 

15.) One is "the bastard son of a hundred maniacs" and the other almost had that many siblings

16.) Both remain Halloween costume staples, despite neither being relevant since 1991. 

17.) One slept in a hyperbaric chamber and the other put people in hyperbaric chambers to avoid sleep

18.) Both are known for dangling children from dangerous heights.

19.) Jehovah's law demanded one of them go door to door proselytizing people, while the other was beholden to Dream Demon law demanding he go door to door killing people

20.) Both were the products of steel mill towns in the Midwest

21.) Both were known for wearing gaudy red ensembles. 

22.) Both were easily recognizable by their skin disorders.

23.) Both were known for their impressive shape-shifting abilities

24.) Both were infamously burned ... one, by an aggrieved mob of vigilante parents, and the other, by a Pepsi commercial

25.) One rapped with the Fat Boys, while the other rapped with one really fat boy

26.) Both appeared to have a thing for mannequins this point, it's practically just a palette swap

27.) Both were known to surround themselves with the living dead.

28.) Both were involved in fruitless marriages which may or may not partially explain their subsequent free falls into psychosis. 

29.) Both are known to frequently rock sunglasses

30.) They were both displaced by ironic, self-reflexive entertainment that was "too cool to care."

31.) One allegedly tried to purchase the bones of the Elephant Man, and the other ... uh, was a sentient skeleton or something like that?

32.) Both are frequently spoofed in television commercials

33.) Both made appearances, in character, on The Simpsons.

34.) Although canonically disputed, both are known for hanging out with Will Smith

35.) Both were plagiarized by professional wrestling organizations in the late 1980. 

36.) Both were turned into questionable children's playthings.

37.) Both of their last names are seven letters

38.) Both are believed to have driven their enemies to commit suicide

39.) One starred in a short-lived Marvel Comics series, while the other tried to purchase the company outright

40.) One was a merciless child molester who got off on a technicality. The other is Freddy Krueger


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