Hi, Brock. My name's Khalil. Any idea how you say "sack dat ass" en Espanol?
By: Jimbo X
Join The Internet Is In America on Monday, Nov. 21, for our LIVE play-by-play (well, more like possession-by-possession, but that shit is deathly for SEO) coverage of week 11's Raiders vs. Texans game EN VIVO EN CIUDAD DE MÉXICO. The shenanigans begin at 7 p.m. eastern time (with updates every commercial break) so be sure to bookmark this shit before kickoff. And as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#silverandblacklivesmatter)...
7:09 p.m. - Alright folks, we are about an hour and a half away from kickoff down in Estadio Azteca. As of the moment, both the Raiders and Texans lead their respective divisions, with a win for Oakland - momentarily - slotting them in as the No. 1 overall seed in the AFC.
7:10 p.m. - Running backs Alfred Blue and Jonathan Grimes are both out for Houston. Vince Wilfork, Jay Prosch and Will Fuller are all listed as questionable for the Texans.
7:11 p.m. - Latavius Murray and Amari Cooper, per ESPN, are listed as questionable for Oakland. Rodney Hudson, Sean Smith and Stacy McGee are all gametime decisions.
7:13 p.m. - Vegas has the Raiders as a 7 point favorite, with the over/under set at 46.
7:17 p.m. - The Raiders are averaging nearly 10 more points per contest than the Texans, while the Texans' defense is allowing close to five less points per game than the Raiders' D.
7:18 p.m. - Oakland is putting up 406.1 yards per contest and allowing 406.2 The Texans are putting up 323.4 yards per game and allowing 330.9.
7:19 p.m. - So far this season, the Texans are 5-3-1 against the spread. The Raiders are 5-4. Houston is 1-2 against the spread as an underdog, while the Raiders are 0-3 as favorites.
8:21 p.m. - So, yeah, in case you didn't know, tonight's game is being played in Mexico City, where the elevation is about 2,000 feet higher than in Denver. That said, there's a good chance Sebastian Janikowski might try for a 90-yard field goal.
8:26 p.m. - Ariana Grande sings the National Anthem. Of the U.S. In Mexico's capital city. Julian Alvarez (uh, no clue guys) does the national anthem of Mexico. Which, if I am not mistaken, is "La Cucaracha."
8:29 p.m. - Interestingly, Los Mexicanos didn't boo the national anthem. And because we have to politicize goddamn everything, the announcer makes a quick quip about Donald Trump, because fuck escaping the gravity of D.C. politics, for even one fucking football game.
8:32 p.m. - Texans get the ball first. They begin at their own 25.
8:33 p.m. - Griffin gets about five yards on the pick-up.
8:33 p.m. - Second and six. The back gets crushed by Irvin for a two-yard loss.
8:34 p.m. - Third and eight. The receive appears to have enough to move the chains, but there is a flag on the play.
8:35 p.m. - Holding against Oakland. Houston declines it and accepts the new set of downs.
8:35 p.m. - A bobbled catch results in an incompletion on first down.
8:36 p.m. - Second and 10. The back gets maybe three yards.
8:36 p.m. - Third and seven. Hopkins ruled out of bounds at the OAK 36.
8:39 p.m. - Second and seven. It's a third and five situation.
8:40 p.m. - Anderson picks up the catch for 14 yards and a new set of downs.
8:44 p.m. - Third and seven. Brock Os is pressured and he just throws it away.
8:44 p.m. - Houston kicks a field goal. That gives them the early lead, 3-0.
8:50 p.m. - Bare with me folks - the connection tonight is pure shit.
8:58 p.m. - Well, I've no damned clue what happened over the last 10 minutes. Hooray for surprises and a godawful Internet Service Provider!
8:59 p.m. - OK, it's still 3-0 Houston. The Raiders have the ball back. Clive Walford gets 17 yards for the team's first first down of the night.
9:00 p.m. - Olawale gets close to a first down pick-up.
9:01 p.m. - Second and one. Murray moves the sticks.
9:01 p.m. - OK, it was ruled a third and one. But Murray picks up the new set of downs, for real this time.
9:02 p.m. - Murray runs for four, maybe five yards.
9:03 p.m. - Second and seven. False start call against Donald Penn makes it second and 12.
9:04 p.m. - Incomplete deep downfield to Crabtree, but flags are down.
9:05 p.m. - Pass interference call against Houston gives the Raiders a HUGE pick-up.
9:05 p.m. - First and 10 at the HOU 20. And that's the end of the first quarter, folks.
9:10 p.m. - And there goes the connection again. Fuck this shit.
9:12 p.m. - My feed comes back, and the Raiders are up 7-3. And they are already BACK in the red zone.
9:13 p.m. - Second and goal. Olawale can't get in. That makes it third and goal.
9:14 p.m. - The throw to Clive Walford is no good.
9:14 p.m. - Out comes Sea-bass. He is automatic. 10-3, Raiders.
9:20 p.m. - Second and 10 for the Texans. Houston about three or do yards shy of the first down marker.
9:21 p.m. - Third and two. Texans call a timeout.
9:22 p.m. - All right, so it appears the Texans royally hunched the pooch on a kick return earlier. Thus, why the Raiders were already in the red zone, like, five seconds after scoring a TD.
9:23 p.m. - Also, it was a 17-yard Jalen Richard end zone saunter. Shit, I am sad I missed that one.
9:24 p.m. - And the Texans convert.
9:24 p.m. - Second and three for Houston.
9:25 p.m. - The Texans take another timeout.
9:26 p.m. - Fuck it, it's a Lamar Miller touchdown run down the sideline.
9:27 p.m. - Wait, it doesn't appear that the ball broke the plane. The refs will be back with their decision right after this commercial break...
9:29 p.m. - The TD is called back. Houston gets it at the OAK 1.
9:30 p.m. - Os almost picked off ... he catches a pass deflected off Autry and then gets sacked.
9:31 p.m. - Second and goal. And the Texans are hit with a false start penalty.
9:31 p.m. - HOU has been pushed back to the 13 yard line. And there's Braxton Miller in the endzone for the TD catch.
9:33 p.m. - It's 10-10 in Mexico City. About nine minutes left in the second quarter.
9:36 p.m. - Touchback for the Raiders. They'll begin at their own 25.
9:36 p.m. - Richard runs it up the gut for maybe a two yard gain.
9:36 p.m. - Second and eight. Richard with a pick up of maybe four.
9:37 p.m. - Third and four. And Crabtree drops a gimme first down. Fuck it all.
9:38 p.m. - And Miller (of the Braxton variety) goes down at the HOU 10 on the kick.
9:39 p.m. - Flag is down. And they pick it back up.
9:40 p.m. - Miller dropped behind the line for a considerable loss.
9:41 p.m. - Second and 12. That C.J. kid gets enough to move the sticks.
9:42 p.m. - Miller gets two, maybe three on the follow-up run.
9:42 p.m - Shilique Calhoun is shaken up. He's back up but limping a little off field.
9:43 p.m. - Second and seven. The Texans convert again.
9:44 p.m. - Houston at their own 40. The back goes down at the line of scrimmage.
9:44 p.m. - Second and nine. Bruce Irvin trips up the back at the line again.
9:45 p.m. - Third and nine. And Hayden breaks up the pass to force Houston to punt.
9:46 p.m. - Raiders are going to take over at their own 25.
9:46 p.m. - Crabtree slips, but at least he maintains possession for a short gain.
9:47 p.m. - Second and six. Flag down. Clowney leapt offsides.
9:48 p.m. - Second and one at the two minute warning.
9:50 p.m. - Incomplete to Roberts. Would've been a huge gain, too.
9:51 p.m. - Third and one. Olawale swallowed up in the backfield for a loss.
9:52 p.m. - King punts it away. And the Mexican fans are trying to blind Brock Osweiler with lasers pointers.
9:53 p.m. - MALCOLM SMITH WITH THE INTERCEPTION!
9:53 p.m. - Another dropped pass by Robert.
9:54 p.m. - Murray with about a nine yard run. Third and two with a minute left.
9:55 p.m. - Murray hit at the line. The clock continues to run.
9:55 p.m. - Raiders going for it on fourth and one.
9:56 p.m. - Crabtree bobbles it, and the Texans get the ball back at midfield with about 16 seconds left.
9:57 p.m. - Nine seconds left. No dice on the Hail Mary. Still two seconds left on the clock.
9:58 p.m. - And Mack sacks Brock to close out the first half.
9:59 p.m. - All right, it's still 10-10. The Texans have done a good job stopping the Raiders run, and the Raiders' receiving corps have done a horrid job holding on to the ball this evening.
10:00 p.m. - Thus far, the Texans are outyarding the Raiders 166 to 81. The Texans have 99 yards passing compared to the Raiders' 74. Meanwhile, Houston is outrunning Oakland 67 to seven.
10:16 p.m. - Alright, the Raiders get the ball back to begin the third quarter.
10:19 p.m. - Richard takes a knee, so the Raiders take over at their own 25.
10:20 p.m. - And Derek Carr lobs an interception on first down. Fuck my whole goddamn shitting sorry ass fucking life.
10:21 p.m. - Well, at least the receiver drops the first pass.
10:21 p.m. - Second and 10 at the HOU 35. The receiver bobbles it and it's incomplete.
10:22 p.m. - Third and 10. Osweiler has to scramble. Looks like he is about a yard shy of the first down marker.
10:23 p.m. - Perry Riley looks a little shaken up. He is walking off the field now.
10:23 p.m. - Fourth and one. Houston, apparently, is going for it.
10:24 p.m. - The back appears to have enough to move the chains.
10:24 p.m. - First and 10 at the HOU 45. He hits the tight end for a new set of downs.
10:25 p.m. - Miller runs for about three, maybe four yards.
10:26 p.m. - Houston's center is slow to get up.
10:26 p.m. - Duane Brown just walked off field, too.
10:26 p.m. - Tony Bergstrom - yes, the old Raider - is in for center for the Texans.
10:27 p.m. - Third and two. The regular center is back in and so is Duane Brown. Braxton Miller has enough to move the chains.
10:29 p.m. - Perry Riley back in the game. Flag is down. Holding against the defense. Houston declines it, it remains second down.
10:29 p.m. - Second and two at the OAK 12. The back moves the sticks.
10:30 p.m. - First and goal. Miller gets back to the line of scrimmage, but that is it.
10:31 p.m. - Second and goal. Miller pushed out of bounds after maybe a three, four yard gain.
10:31 p.m. - Third and goal. Incomplete, but a flag is down.
10:32 p.m. - Pass interference against the Raiders moves the ball to the OAK 1.
10:33 p.m. - And Lamar Miller runs it up the gut for the score.
10:34 p.m. - The PAT is good. That makes it 17-10, Texans.
10:36 p.m. - Touchback for the Raiders.
10:37 p.m. - Olawale with a six yard catch.
10:39 p.m. - Second and four. Shit, they just cannot get that run game going tonight.
10:40 p.m. - And Crabtree finally reels in a first down pass.
10:41 p.m. - Amari Cooper may have lost a yard on the catch.
10:41 p.m. - Second and 11. Richard gets about five.
10:42 p.m. - Third and seven. Walford with a big catch to move the chains.
10:43 p.m. - And a Texans defender gets hit with a helmet to helmet penalty. Fifteen free yards for the Raiders.
10:43 p.m. - Flags EVERYWHERE.
10:44 p.m. - It's against the Raiders. First and 15 around the HOU 40.
10:44 p.m. - Murray gets about seven yards on the catch.
10:45 p.m. - Second and eight. AND CRABTREE CAN'T HOLD ON TO THE BALL IN THE ENDZONE.
10:46 p.m. - Third and eight. Obvious pass interference against the Texans on a deep throw to Crabtree.
10:49 p.m. - First and goal at the HOU 8. So many damn low hikes to Derek Carr.
10:50 p.m. - Walford bobbles it. Second and goal.
10:50 p.m. - Roberts takes it to the HOU 3. Third and goal.
10:50 p.m. - Nobody open in the endzone.
10:51 p.m. - Janikowski out to kick. He makes it. 17-13 with 2:39 left in the third quarter.
10:55 p.m. - OK, I am going to Skype my girlfriend real quick. I might be back, and I might not.
10:56 p.m. - The running back for Houston slips in the backfield and gets smashed by every single Raider ever.
10:57 p.m. - Second and 15. Fuller juggles the ball but holds onto it for a new set of downs.
10:57 p.m. - The ball bounces of Braxton Miller on first down.
10:58 p.m. - Second and 10 at the HOU 35. Brock scrambles to move the chains. A good 11 yard run.
10:59 p.m. - And the Texans take it down to the OAK 30 as the third quarter concludes.
11:02 p.m. - Miller gets about five yards on a catch and run.
11:03 p.m. - Second and five. Miller dropped about two yards shy of the first down marker.
11:03 p.m. - Miller runs it down the gut and that'll move the chains.
11:04 p.m. - First and 10 at the OAK 20. Miller takes it to the 14.
11:05 p.m. - Boy, that field is pure shit tonight.
11:05 p.m. - Second and four. Flags down. Delay of game penalty costs Houston five yards.
11:05 p.m. - Second and nine. Looks like the receiver will go down a yard shy of moving the sticks.
11:06 p.m. - Third and one. Incomplete.
11:07 p.m. - The Texans' kicker is out. The field goal is good. That makes it 20-13, Houston.
11:29 p.m. - And that was the Skype call to my GF. As soon as she answered the call, Olawale broke off a damn near 80 yard run to tie it all up 20-20.
11:29 p.m. - Now the Raiders have the ball at their own 10 with about six minutes to go.
11:31 p.m. - Second and two. Murray runs it in for the new set of downs.
11:31 p.m. - Crabtree can't reel it in. Oh, the Texans turned it over on a fourth and one run earlier, for those of you wondering how the Raiders got the ball back.
11:32 p.m. - Second and 10. And Murray runs it down to the HOU 35. A 39-yard gain.
11:33 p.m. - TOUCHDOWN AMARI COOPER!
11:34 p.m. - A nearly 40-yard catch and run for Coop. Sea-bass is automatic. The Raiders take back the lead, 27-20, with a little under five minutes left in the fourth.
11:36 p.m. - Houston takes over at their own 25. Loud "DEFENSE" chants.
11:37 p.m. - Second and four. ALMOST intercepted by David Amerson.
11:38 p.m. -Third and four. Hopkins gets enough to move the chains.
11:38 p.m. - Four minutes left. Second and five.
11:39 p.m. - Bruce Irvin sacks Osweiler. Flags are down.
11:39 p.m. - Holding call against Houston. The Raiders decline it.
11:40 p.m. - About three minutes left. Third and 10.
11:40 p.m. - The receiver goes out of bounds about five yards shy of the first down marker. The Texans punt.
11:41 p.m. - Oh shit, I forgot about Shane Lechler being the Texans punter.
11:41 p.m. - Carrie goes down at the OAK 20.
11:42 p.m. - Murray gets about three, maybe four on the first down run.
11:42 p.m. - Second and seven. Jalen Richard with a huge pick up down to the OAK 42.
11:43 p.m. - And that's our two minute warning, folks.
11:45 p.m. - Raiders at midfield. Second and six for Murray.
11:46 p.m. - Oakland's running backs have 199 receiving yards tonight.
11:46 p.m. - Third and four. A minute and a half remaining. Murray about a yard shy of moving the sticks. Two flags down.
11:47 p.m. - Fourth and one. Raiders take a timeout.
11:48 p.m. - Looks like they are going for it.
11:49 p.m - And Murray runs it down the gut to move the chains. Flag is down.
11:49 p.m. - Personal foul against the Texans - Wilfork tried to Bonsai Drop Latavius Murray like Yokozuna used to.
11:51 p.m. - And Derek Carr just takes a knee.
11:52 p.m. - The fourth quarter clock expires, and our winners down in Mexico City - THE OAKLAND RAIDERS! With the 27-20 win, the Silver and Black improve to 8-2 on the year. Not only does the victory give them firm control of the AFC West, it makes them the NO. 1 OVERALL SEED IN THE AFC.
11:59 p.m. - Holy shit, I love football ... with a passion.