Oh, it is on, you ketchup-colored motherfuckers...
Join The Internet Is In America on Thursday, Dec. 8, for our LIVE play-by-play (well, more like possession-by-possession, but that shit is deathly for SEO) coverage of week 14's Raiders vs. Chiefs game. The shenanigans begin at 7:30 p.m. eastern time (with updates every commercial break) so be sure to bookmark this shit before kickoff. And as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#silverandblacklivesmatter) ...4:52 p.m. - Well, shit, you really don't need me to tell you how important this one is. For starters, whoever wins this one will sit in pole position of the super-competitive AFC West and own a hyper-crucial tiebreaker that could mean the difference between home field advantage throughout the playoffs and a No. 6 seed berth.
4:54 p.m. - Shilique Calhoun, Stacy McGee and Karl Joseph are all out for the Raiders (10-2). Kelechi Osemele and Darius Latham are both questionable.
4:55 p.m. - For the Chief (9-3), Dontari Poe and and Kendall Reyes are both questionable.
4:56 p.m. - The Chiefs are four point favorites and Vegas has the over/under at 46.
4:57 p.m. - The Raiders are 7-5 against the spread while the Chiefs break even at 6-6. The Chief are 2-4 covering the spread as the favorites this season while the Raiders 5-0 as the underdogs.
4:58 p.m. - Furthermore, the Raiders are 4-1 covering the spread as the away team, while the Chiefs are 1-4 covering the spread at home.
4:59 p.m. - Time for the offensive data: the Raiders are posting 28.8 points per game, averaging 281.3 passing yards and 114.6 yards running the ball. The Chiefs are posting 23.4 points per game and averaging 248.1 passing yards and 98.8 yards on the ground.
5:00 p.m. - And the defensive stats? The Raiders are allowing 24.9 points per game, 275.3 passing yards per game and 124.8 rushing yards per game. Meanwhile, the Chiefs are allowing 20.2 points per game, 275.8 passing yards per game and 121.9 yards on the ground.
5:02 p.m. - So yeah, all that to say this ought to be a hell of a ball game, folks.
5:03 p.m. - And yes, the Chiefs did indeed beat the Raiders earlier this season, besting the Silver and Black in Oakland 26-10. And also for the record: the Raiders were without Latavius Murray for the contest, and the Chiefs were coming off a 14-day break. Needless to say, the circumstantial factors this time around are just a wee bit different.
7:29 p.m. - Oh, and one more thing I need to add, in case you weren't aware of it - the Raiders have yet to lose a road game so far this season. SPOILER: The game tonight is in Kansas City.
9:02 pm. - Alright, I'm home. Let's recap: Tyreek Hill coughed up the ball on the Chiefs' first possession, thus allowing a Sea-Bass field goal. The Chiefs go for out on fourth and turn the ball over on downs. The Raiders go three and out, and now the Chiefs just punted again. Two minutes to go in the first, and it's 3-0 Raiders.
9:05 p.m. - And that's another three and out for the Raiders. Time to punt.
9:07 p.m. - Tyreek Hill takes it up to the midfield logo, but a holding call is going to cost them some yardage.
9:09 p.m. - And that's the end of the first. Still 3-0, Raiders, with the Chiefs pushing the rock downfield.
9:11 p.m. - K.C. at the OAK 36. Incomplete pass on first down.
9:13 p.m. - Second and 10. And Smith finds Tyreek Hill for the touchdown saunter.
9:14 p.m. - Santos' extra point is good. It's now 7-3, Kansas City.
9:16 p.m. - Richard takes a knee, so the Raiders will start the next drive at their own 25.
9:16 p.m. - Murray with a seven yard run.
9:17 p.m. - Second and four. Crabtree bobbles the ball and can't maintain possession.
9:18 p.m. - Third and four. Carr scrambles, but it looks like he is a yard shy of the first down marker.
9:19 p.m. - King out to punt. Hill gobbled up at the K.C. 20 on the return.
9:22 p.m. - The back gets maybe a yard or two on first down.
9:22 p.m. - Second and nine. Alex Smith with a batted pass that he catches himself for a three yard gain.
9:23 p.m. - Third and six. Kelce with a huge pick up (28 yards) to move the ball into Raiders' territory.
9:23 p.m. - Ware gets about seven on the run. But a holding call costs the Chiefs ten yards.
9:24 p.m. - First and 20 at the K.C. 40. Smith on the run, but he manages to complete it for close to a 20 yard pick-up.
9:26 p.m. - Five yard penalty against Oakland makes it first and five at the 20. Tyreek Hill catches it to make it first and goal for K.C.
9:26 p.m. - Ware gets about a yard on the first down run.
9:27 p.m. - Second and goal. West pushes it into the end zone, but there is a flag on the play. It's against the Raiders, and obviously, they decline it.
9:28 p.m. - The Santos extra point is good. It's now 14-3, Chiefs.
9:31 p.m. - Richard takes the return up to the OAK 26.
9:32 p.m. - Flags on the ground. Five yard false start penalty for the Raiders.
9:32 p.m. - First and 15. Richard hit at the line for no gain.
9:33 p.m. - Now third and 15. Olawale well short of the first down marker. Time to punt.
9:35 p.m. - And Hill goes down around the K.C. 30. Flags are down.
9:35 p.m. - It's against Oakland, so they have to re-punt that shit.
9:36 p.m. - And of course, Tyreek Hill takes it to the house on the do-over. A 78-yard return.
9:37 p.m. - And Kelce mocks Marquette King afterwards. Well, fuck this. Fuck all of this, and don't stop fucking it.
9:38 p.m. - The extra point is good. Kansas City leads it, 21-3, with about six minutes left in the second.
9:39 p.m. - Taiwan Jones goes down around the OAK 20. A flag is down.
9:41 p.m. - Two penalties against the Raiders. A ten yard holding penalty.
9:42 p.m. - Amari Cooper with a ten yard pick up.
9:43 p.m. - Carr scrambles for about four yards.
9:43 p.m. - A Kansas City player is hurt. Good.
9:46 p.m. - Murray runs it up the gut for a short gain.
9:47 p.m. - Third and five. Clive Walford reels it in to move the sticks.
9:48 p.m. - And Murray runs it up the gut for an upcoming third and inches.
9:48 p.m. - Murray picks up a good 15 yards on the run.
9:49 p.m. - By the way, the injured Chiefs is Derrick Johnson.
9:49 p.m. - And River takes it to the K.C. 28. Two minutes left in the half.
9:52 p.m. - Carr overthrows Richard. Second down.
9:53 p.m. - And Twitter freezes, but the Raiders got a first down, somehow.
9:54 p.m. - No gain on the Seth Roberts' catch.
9:54 p.m. - Time out for the Raiders.
9:55 p.m. - Crabtree takes it to the K.C. 4.
9:56 p.m. - Throw to Cooper is no good. A flag is down.
9:56 p.m. - Flag against K.C. They move the ball to the K.C. 1.
9:56 p.m. - Seventeen seconds left. Muray just inches shy of the T.D. Raiders take a timeout with 10 seconds left.
9:57 p.m. - Now the play is under review. Looks like Murray got in.
9:58 p.m. - TOUCHDOWN MURRAY AFTER ALL!
9:59 p.m. - Sea-Bass is automatic. It's now 21-10, Chiefs.
10:01 p.m. - Fourteen seconds left in the first half.
10:02 p.m. - The return man goes down at the K.C. 30.
10:02 p.m. - The Chiefs take a knee, and that's it for the first half.
10:03 p.m. - Well, it looks like the Raiders are finally showing some signs of life, but is the 11-point hole they find themselves in heading into the third to much to overcome?
10:04 p.m. - The Chiefs have 221 total yards, while the Raiders only have 125. Alex Smith has out-thrown Derek Carr 202 to 69, but the Raiders have outran the Chiefs 56-19. And with Johnson - the veteran anchor of the Chiefs' D - out for the remainder of the game, look out.
10:06 p.m. - Both teams have nine first downs apiece. The Raiders have been penalized six times for 43 yards, while the Chiefs have been flagged four times for 27 yards.
10:07 p.m. - And the first half time of possession differential? The Raiders have held onto the ball for 16:44, while the Chiefs have had possession for 13:16.
10:19 p.m. - The K.C. return man goes down at the 19.
10:19 p.m. - Hill gets a short gain on the throw.
10:19 p.m. - Second and five.
10:20 p.m. - INTERCEPTED BY T.J. CARRIE!
10:21 p.m. - Seth Roberts can't hang onto it in the end zone.
10:21 p.m. - Second and 10. Murray takes it to the K.C. 14.
10:22 p.m. - Third and six. Incomplete to Roberts.
10:23 p.m. - Sea-bass nails the 33-yard field goal. That makes it 21-13, Chiefs.
10:26 p.m. - The K.C. return man is ran out of bounds around the 25.
10:27 p.m. - STRIP SACK FROM MACK! DENICO AUTRY RECOVERS!
10:28 p.m. - Second and 10 for the Raiders. And MURRAY pushes his way for the first down!
10:29 p.m. - Murray gets back to the line of scrimmage. Holding against the Raiders loses them 10 yards.
10:30 p.m. - First and goal at the K.C. 17. The pass is behind Jalen Richard.
10:31 p.m. - No room for Crabtree to run. Third and goal.
10:32 p.m. - Incomplete. Here comes Sea-bass. Oh, and it's a trick play from King. And he goes nowhere. Just fuck it.
10:35 p.m. - Face mask penalty against the Raiders gives the Chiefs 15 free yards.
10:36 p.m. - Also, it was a bad snap on the "trick play."
10:36 p.m. - West with one on the run.
10:36 p.m. - Second and nine. Delay of game against K.C. makes it second and 14.
10:37 p.m. - Hill takes it to the KC 39.
10:38 p.m. - Third and 10. Kelce is short of the first down marker.
10:39 p.m. - Richard goes down just shy of the 23. Ten yard holding penalty against the Raiders.
10:42 p.m. - Murray with three on the run.
10:42 p.m. - And Murray gets about eight to move the chains.
10:43 p.m. - Second and nine. Errant pass to Cooper.
10:44 p.m. - Third and nine. Carr misses Crabtree by about three zip codes.
10:45 p.m. - King gotta punt. K.C. gets it back around their own 40.
10:46 p.m. - By the way, did you know Tyreek Hill is an admitted woman beater? Because he is.
10:48 p.m. - Ware takes it to the 43.
10:48 p.m. - Second and four. Ware appears to have the first on a draw.
10:49 p.m. - Ware gets about seven on the run.
10:50 p.m. - Second and three. The back is well short of a first down.
10:50 p.m. - Third and two. And Kelce can't reel it in.
10:51 p.m. - Fourth and two. Chiefs are going for it. Delay of game against the Chiefs.
10:52 p.m. - Fourth and six, and the Chiefs are punting. Carrie fair catches it at the 15 with three minutes left in the third.
10:55 p.m. - Cooper with maybe three or four on the catch.
10:55 p.m. - Second and seven. And Murray runs for a new set of downs.
10:56 p.m. - Rivera with another first down pick-up.
10:56 p.m. - Rivera goes nowhere on first down.
10:57 p.m. - Second and nine. The ball is tipped and almost intercepted. Third and nine.
10:58 p.m. - Richard can't hold on to it. King out to punt. Hill bumped out of bounds around the 40 yard line. A holding penalty costs them 10 yards.
11:00 p.m. - Holding call against K.C. wipes out a pretty big Hill run.
11:01 p.m. - K.C. pushed back to their own 7.
11:01 p.m. - And that's the end of the third. Still 21-13, Chiefs.
11:04 p.m. - First and 13. Kelce reels it in at the K.C. 40.
11:05 p.m. - Ware gets two, maybe three yards on the run.
11:06 p.m. - Second and six. Ware gets about a yard.
11:06 p.m. - Third and four. Smith scrambles to move the sticks.
11:07 p.m. - Ware with a six yard pick-up.
11:08 p.m. - Second and three. Ware gobbled up behind the line.
11:09 p.m. - Third and four. And it's incomplete. T.J. Carrie broke it up.
11:09 p.m. - Chiefs have to punt. Carrie fair catches it at the OAK 10.
11:11 p.m. - Murray with about two, perhaps three yards on the first down run.
11:11 p.m. - Incomplete to Roberts.
11:12 p.m. - Third and seven. And Carr on the run overthrows a wide open Cooper.
11:13 p.m. - Raiders punt. Hill takes it up the arrowhead logo.
11:15 p.m. - Smith under pressure has to throw it away.
11:16 p.m. - Second and 10. No gain for Ware.
11:17 p.m. - The commentators keep saying Derek Carr is hiding a pinky injury.
11:17 p.m. - Third and 10. Hill gets four - well short of the first down marker. Chiefs punting again.
11:17 p.m. - Fair catch at the 14 yard line.
11:20 p.m. - Eight yard run for Richard.
11:20 p.m. - Crabtree with a quick first down pick-up.
11:21 p.m. - Decent run from Richard.
11:22 p.m. - Second and six. Richard about two yards shy of moving the sticks.
11:22 p.m. - Murray appears to get the first.
11:23 p.m. - Raiders call a timeout. Less than five minutes left in the game and they are still down by eight.
11:26 p.m. - Pass interference call against the Chiefs puts the Raiders in K.C. territory.
11:26 p.m. - Short gain for Walford.
11:27 p.m. - Second and eight. Crabtree is on the sidelines.
11:27 p.m. - Murray makes it three and four.
11:28 p.m. - Carr hit as he's thrown. Raiders have to go for it on fourth down.
11:28 p.m. - ROBERTS TAKES IT TO THE KC 23!
11:29 p.m. - Incomplete to Richard on first down.
11:29 p.m. - Second and 10. Nine yard gain for Richard. Raiders now at the KC 14.
11:30 p.m. - Third and one. Broken up in the end zone. One second until the two minute warning.
11:31 p.m. - Another fourth down.
11:31 p.m. - False start against Oakland makes it fourth and six.
11:32 p.m. - Raiders back at the K.C. 19.
11:32 p.m. - Batted away by Terence Mitchell. K.C. gets the ball back.
11:34 p.m. - Ware gets about seven on the run.
11:35 p.m. - Second and two. Ware dropped behind the line.
11:35 p.m. - Third and two. Ware close to converting.
11:36 p.m. - And it's enough to move the sticks.
11:40 p.m. - And the Chiefs are just going to run out the clock.
11:41 p.m. - And that's all she wrote in Kansas City. Our final score? Kansas City 21, Oakland 13.
11:42 p.m. - The loss gives K.C. control of the AFC West and drops the Raiders all the way down to the fifth seed in the playoffs.
11:43 p.m. - And not that you need me to tell you this, but I fuckin' hate football, with a passion.