Thursday, October 19, 2017

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play from Week 7's Raiders vs. Chiefs Game!

This Week's Episode:
"A premature end to the season, or a sudden (and much needed) turnaround?"

By: Jimbo X

It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including tonight's home stand against Kansas City. Join us LIVE on Thursday, Oct. 19 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 7's Raiders vs. Chiefs game, with the festivities beginning at 8 p.m. eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter)

4:59 PM - I'm just going to tell you people upfront. If the Raiders don't win tonight, I am officially done for the year. It's one thing to squander every Sunday afternoon and the occasional Monday and Thursday night to see your time win, but if these fuckers have the gall to drop five losses in a row on me, I've got to take a hiatus just for my own mental well-being, you dig?

5:00 PM - Anyhoo, game time is 8:25 P.M. Eastern. Not that you need me to tell you this, but the Raiders are 2-4, having dropped four games in a row since starting the season off 2-0 and looking like a legit Super Bowl caliber team. The big news is that they signed ex-49ers linebacker Navarro Bowman earlier this week and he is suited to play for the Silver and Black this evening. Needless to say, the Raiders' porous back three need as much help as they can get, with Marquel Lee still out of action and Bruce Irvin committing more holding penalties than tackles.

5:02 PM - For Oakland, defensive tackle Darius Latham, offensive tackle Marshall Newhouse and cornerback Gareon Conley are all scratches. Linebackers Nicolas Morrow and Cory James are both listed as questionable.

5:04 PM - Meanwhile, the visiting 5-1 Chiefs will be without running back Charcandrick West, center Mitch Morse, and guard Laurent Duvarney-Tardif. Cornerback Ashton Lampkin and receiver Chris Conley are both on the injured reserve.

5:09 PM - Our live coverage begins at 8 p.m. Be there, or be a parallelogram, you asshole.

7:59 PM - Update: I might be late for this shit because I need a hamburger. You folks might just have to fend for yourselves for a little while - try not to resort to cannibalism in my absence.

8:35 PM - Chiefs are up 3-0. Raiders, rocking all white jerseys, take possession for the first time tonight.

8:37 PM - Amari Cooper with about an 11 yard pick up.

8:37 PM - Richard runs for about two yards.

8:38 PM - Cook with a HUGE pick up. 24 yards on the play.

8:39 PM - TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Amari Cooper reels it in on a flea flicker from Marshawn to Derek.

8:40 PM - No flags on the play. The touchdown STANDS. That was a 38-yard strike.

8:41 PM - OK, the play is under review. And the call STANDS, for real this time.

8:42 PM - Giorgio's kick is good. The Raiders lead it, 7-3.

8:48 PM - Third and 10 for Kansas City. And the Chiefs are WAY short of moving the sticks.

8:49 PM - Autry gets hit with a roughing the passer call, so the Chiefs get a new set of downs.

8:50 PM - Hunt with about ten on the pitch and catch.

8:51 PM - K.C. at the OAK 15. Kelce hauls in the touchdown pass. Way to go, D'enico, you superfluous apostrophe having motherfucker.

8:52 PM - The PAT is good. The Chiefs reclaim the lead, 10-7.

8:55 PM - Lynch gets about six on the first down run.

8:56 PM - The pass to Amari Cooper is tipped.

8:56 PM - Third and four. And Patterson snags it one handed to keep the drive rolling.

8:57 PM - Richard barely makes it back to the line on the first down run.

8:58 PM - Richard gets about seven on second down.

8:59 PM - And Crabtree gets enough to move the sticks.

8:59 PM - Lynch runs for about three.

9:00 PM - TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Amari Cooper with his second end zone visit of the day!

9:00 PM - That fucker was easily 50-yards plus. And Giorgio's kick es bueno. Raiders retake the lead, 14-10.

9:05 PM - Smith, with Mack breathing down his neck, has to throw it away on first down.

9:06 PM - Hunt goes for about five. And that ought to be the end of the first quarter.

9:09 PM - It's incomplete to Spiller. The Chiefs have to punt.

9:09 PM - Richard fair catches it at the OAK 20.

9:10 PM - The first down pass is batted down.

9:11 PM - Washington runs for about three yards.

9:12 PM - And Carr gets sacked. And the ball comes loose. But LOL, the Chiefs get a holding call and the Raiders get a new set of downs.

9:12 PM - Washington hit right at the line. 

9:13 PM - Washington loses a couple of yards on the run.

9:13 PM - Third and 12. AND CRABTREE CONVERTS. A 17-yard pick up.

9:14 PM - Cooper with a 14-yard catch. He's over 100 on the day already.

9:15 PM - Washington battles for about five yards.

9:16 PM - Unnecessary roughness call against Lee Smith. That'll push the Raiders back 15 yards.

9:17 PM - Second and 21. It's out of the hands of Roberts.

9:17 PM - Third and 21. Richard with about 10. Raiders have to punt.

9:18 PM - And the Raiders down King's punt at the KC one.

9:21 PM - Robinson picks up the pass about 30 yards out.

9:21 PM - The back gets 2, maybe 3 on the run.

9:22 PM - Second and eight. And there's a 64-yard touchdown pas to Hill. Of course.

9:23 PM - Chiefs retake the lead, 17-14.

9:27 PM - Patterson drops the first down pass.

9:28 PM - Richard with a couple on the run. Third and seven coming up.

9:28 PM - Richard converts.

9:28 PM - And there's Roberts with another 15-yard gain.

9:29 PM - The throw to Walford is incomplete. But flags are down.

9:30 PM - Two fouls on Oakland. That's a ten yard holding penalty.

9:31 PM - First and 20. And Amari Cooper can't haul in the jump ball in the end zone.

9:31 PM - Richard takes it to the KC 43. 

9:32 PM - Third and eight. Derek Carr tries to do a quarterback sneak. Flags are everywhere.

9:32 PM - We damn near have a brawl at midfield. Marcus Peters appears to have nailed Derek Carr with a helmet to helmet hit. 

9:33 PM - There's a late hit call against K.C. That's 15 yards for Oakland. But Marshawn Lynch is EJECTED for contact with an official. 

9:34 PM - Well, there's a very strong word I'd like to describe Marshawn right now. But I ain't gonna' say it. But let's face it ... we're all thinking it. 

9:35 PM - First and 25. The first pass goes through the hands of Cooper.

9:36 PM - Richard gets about nine. It's third and 16.

9:36 PM - It looks like there is early contact against Seth Roberts, but the refs don't call it.

9:37 PM - Here comes Giorgio for a 53-yard field goal. It's blocked by Kansas City and falls short of the uprights.

9:40 PM - Well, if we're lucky, this shit might deteriorate into a good old fashioned Avs vs. Red Wings bloodbath before the night's over. The Chiefs take over around midfield.

9:40 PM - Thomas with about three on the run.

9:41 PM - Hill appears to move the sticks.

9:41 PM - Actually, he goes out of bounds three yards shy of the first down marker.

9:42 PM - Oakland calls a timeout. And Hill hauls it in to move the chins.

9:43 PM - Hill gets ... six, I think?

9:44 PM - Second and three.  The Chiefs get a holding call. 

9:45 PM - Second and 13. Hunt gets about seven.

9:45 PM - And there's the two minute warning.

9:48 PM - Chiefs have enough to move the chains.

9:50 PM - The third down pass is incomplete.

9:51 PM - The kick is good. Chiefs lead, 20-14.

Seriously. It never gets old.

9:55 PM - Cook goes out of bounds around the 50. The Raiders have a minute left in the half.

9:55 PM - Incomplete to Olawale.

9:55 PM - LOL, Michael Crabtree and Donald Penn almost got into a fight on the sidelines. This team is so ghetto. 

9:56 PM - Carr runs enough to move the sticks. And he goes out of bounds to stop the clock.

9:56 PM - Carr about to get sacked, so he throws it away. Flags are down. LOL, the Chiefs get hit with a 15-yard facemask penalty.

9:57 PM - Almost picked off by the Chiefs.

9:58 PM - Incomplete on an end zone shot to Patterson.

9:59 PM - Third and ten. About thirty seconds left. Cooper with about three yards. 

9:59 PM - Here comes Giorgio for a field goal attempt. Oakland calls a timeout.

10:01 PM - The kick is no good. Well, fuck that.

10:01 PM - There are a lot of stats to mull, but I'll let you figure that shit out on your own time. Now pardon me, I'm going to go walk a puppy and eat some fries, motherfuckers.

10:21 PM - TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Washington with a four-yard run into the end zone!

10:22 PM - False start against the Raiders on the PAT. They re-kick. And it's good. The Raiders regain the lead, 21-20.

10:27 PM - SMITH GETS SACKED! Flags are down. Offsides against Khalil Mack.

10:27 PM - Second and five. Hunt with about three on the run.

10:28 PM - Third and three. Robinson gets enough to move the chains.

10:29 PM - Smith goes down behind the line again. He just barely recovered the bad snap.

10:30 PM - Third and 12. And there's Wilson with a touchdown. A 63-yard reception to paydirt.

10:31 PM - The PAT is good. It's 27-21, Chiefs.

10:35 PM - Cook with about 15 on the pitch and catch.

10:36 PM - Richard hit behind the line.

10:36 PM - The deep shot to Amari Cooper is almost intercepted.

10:37 PM - Richard is well short of the first. Raiders have to punt.

10:38 PM - Raiders have to re-punt. The K.C. return man goes down right around the 20. 

10:44 PM - We've had six lead changes in this game thus far. It's fourth and one for K.C.

10:45 PM - The Chiefs are challenging the spot of the ball.

10:47 PM - The refs say it's a first down.

10:47 PM - Hill hauls it down at the OAK 35. Now the Raiders are challenging whether or not Hunt maintained possession. 

10:50 PM - The refs rule it a catch. A 31-yard reception stands.

10:51 PM - Third and a long one coming up.

10:52 PM - Travis converts.

10:52 PM - Smith throws it away under pressure. Third and eight coming up.

10:53 PM - And the pass is broken up. K.C. has to settle for a field goal attempt.

10:54 PM - The kick is good. Kansas City leads it, 30-21.

10:58 PM - Washington with four on the run.

10:58 PM - Cooper with enough for a new set of downs.

10:59 PM - And that's the end of the third.

11:02 PM - The deep pass to Roberts is no good.

11:03 PM - Third down. And Cook wrestles to get beyond the first down marker.

11:04 PM - Crabtree can't hang on to the first down pass.

11:04 PM - And Richard picks up enough on the catch to move the chains. Nice movement from Carr scrambling there.

11:05 PM - And Cooper takes it inside the K.C. 10.

11:06 PM - That'll put Carr over 300 yards passing on the day. The first down deep shot to Walford is no good.

11:06 PM - Richard runs for three, maybe four.

11:07 PM - Third and six. Cook can't hold on to it int he end zone. Holy shit, a K.C. defender got away with holding like a motherfucker on that one.

11:08 PM - Raiders go for a field goal. It's right down the middle. It's 30-24, Chiefs.

11:12 PM - Holding against the Chiefs on the punt return.

11:13 PM - Second and five. Kelce converts.

11:13 PM - Hunt with  four yard run.

11:14 PM - He's got seven straight 100-yard rushing games now. That's an NFL rookie record.

11:14 PM - Second and six. ALMOST picked off by Karl Joseph.

11:15 PM - Hill hauls in the completion. First down, Kansas City. He's got 125 yards tonight. 

11:16 PM - Second and eight at the KC 40. That's another first down run for Hunt.

11:17 PM - The back is stopped at the line.

11:17 PM - Kelce with about five on the catch.

11:18 PM - Third and four. And Smith is incomplete on a blitz.

11:19 PM - Chiefs must punt. There is  flag on the kick.

11:20 PM - Holding against the Raiders. Oakland will begin their next drive inside their own 10.

Hell, let's watch that game-tying catch one more time, why don't we?

11:23 PM - Washington with about five on the run.

11:23 PM - Carr throws it away.

11:24 PM - Third and five. Cooper is three yards short of the first down marker.

11:25 PM - Raiders have to punt.

11:25 PM - And Hill goes down around the KC 30.

11:28 PM - Hunt loses a yard on the first down run.

11:28 PM - Third and five coming up.


11:30 PM - Chiefs punt. The Raiders have 2:38 to win the game.

11:31 PM - Richard goes down around the OAK 10.

11:32 PM - Amari runs up to the OAK 30. And there's the two minute warning.

11:35 PM - The long shot to Cooper is no good.

11:35 PM - The pass to Holton is broken up. But there is a flag on the play.

11:36 PM - Pass interference on the Raiders. That makes it Second and 20.

11:37 PM - And Cooper takes it to the KC 41.

11:37 PM - Washington hit behind the line.

11:38 PM - One minute left. Second and 11. Washington drops the pass.

11:38 PM - Third and 11. The Chiefs call a timeout.

11:39 PM - Roberts can't hang on. 41 seconds left. Fourth and 11. Here's the ball game.


11:40 PM - The Raiders take their final timeout. Thirty seconds left. They are at the K.C. 28.

11:41 PM - Seth Roberts can't reel in the jump ball.

11:42 PM - The pass to Roberts is broken up again.

11:42 PM - Third and ten. TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! 


11:44 PM - He caught that fucker in triple coverage. The call on the field is a touchdown. It's under review. 

11:44 PM - Now they are saying Cook is down by contact at the one yard line. Eight seconds left on the clock.


11:46 PM - Pass interference against the Raiders. Fucking hell.

11:47 PM - Three seconds left. The Raiders at the ten. The Chiefs call a timeout.

11:47 PM - Here's the ball game. There is no catch. But flags are down. Holding on the defense. That means the Raiders get one more shot at the end zone.

11:49 PM - Kansas City takes their last timeout. The Raiders are at the five yard line.

11:50 PM - And I'm about to have a fucking heart attack. I feel it.

11:50 PM - Alright, here it is. The final play of the game. For real this time. I mean it.

11:50 PM - There's ANOTHER flag on the play.

11:50 PM - Holding on the defense. The Raiders get ANOTHER untimed down.


11:52 PM - The touchdown is being reviewed. 

11:52 PM - The TD stands. Here come Giorgio for the PAT.

11:53 PM - IT IS GOOD. RAIDERS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:55 PM - This game just saved the 2017 Raiders season. And if we see any game crazier or more dramatic this year, I'm going to need to go on Zoloft. 

11:58 PM - By the way, Derek Carr ended the game with 417 passing yards, while Amari Cooper closed out the game with 210. AC/DC is back ya'll

12:00 AM - Our final from Oakland? Raiders win the game three times en route to a thrilling 31-30 last-second victory over arch rivals Kansas City. 

12:01 AM - I fuckin' love football, with a passion. 


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