Sunday, December 17, 2017

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play Coverage From Week 15's Raiders vs. Cowboys Game!

This Week's Episode:
"Seriously ... win or GTFO"

By: Jimbo X
@Jimbo X

It's It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including tonight's homestand against Dallas. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Dec. 17 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 15's Raiders vs. Cowboys game, with the festivities beginning at 8 p.m. Eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter)

11:43 a.m. - Tonight's game is a primetime affair that will be starting around 8:30 P.M. 

11:44 a.m. - The Raiders are 6-7 and have to run the table and if they want even an outside shot of making the playoffs. The Cowboys are 7-6 and have to run the table and then get some help to sneak their way into the postseason. So, yeah, both of these teams are pretty much fighting for their livelihoods here, with the loser essentially eliminated from the playoffs race.

11:46 a.m. - For the Raiders, Amari Cooper and Clive Walford are both scratches. Cory James and Obi Melifonwu are on the I.R., and David Amerson is doubtful.

11:47 a.m. - The Cowboys will be without Justin Durant and Brice Butler. James Hanna, Tyron Smith and La'el Collins are all listed as questionable. And, of course, Ezekiel Elliot is still suspended. 

11:48 a.m. - Vegas has the Cowboys listed as -3 favorites, with the over/under set at 46.5. Oddly enough, ESPN's Football Power Index gives the Raiders a 52 percent chance to win tonight's homestand.

11:50 a.m. - And here are the relevant season offensive and defensive stats:

11:52 a.m. - Anyhoo, we'll be seeing you again closer to gametime. Enjoy your Sunday, kids, and I'll be catching you on the other side around 8 p.m. Eastern.

8:25 p.m. - So is that Carrie Underwood doing the opening Sunday Night Football theme? Man, that one country musing singing asshole is crazy as shit to leave her for Gwen Stefani. 

8:26 p.m. - Per Chris Collinsworth, the biggest problem with the Raiders this season is that they "don't know who they are." Which is a funny way of saying "the secondary is shit and our receivers are allergic to holding onto the ball."

8:32 p.m. - Mario Edwards, Jr. is out for the Raiders, too. The Cowboys are getting the ball first.

8:32 p.m. - Cowboys starting at their own 25 yard line.

8:33 p.m. - Williams holds onto the ball to move the chains.

8:34 p.m. - Morris runs it for about five yards up the gut.

8:34 p.m. - There's Williams with another first down reception. But a flag is down. It's pass interference against Dallas.

8:35 p.m. - Second and 15. Morris finds a hole and gets a 16-yard gain for a new set of downs.

8:36 p.m. - Witten is wide open and he makes the catch for 12.

8:36 p.m. - Morris goes down around the line of scrimmage.

8:37 p.m. - Prescott's under pressure and the pass to Witten is no good.

8:38 p.m. - Third and 10. INTERCEPTED BY SEAN SMITH!

8:41 p.m. - Marshawn runs for about nine on first down.

8:41 p.m. - Marshawn loses three on second down.

8:42 p.m. - Third and five. The pass to Crabtree is no good. And just like that - the Raiders have to punt it away.

8:43 p.m. - The punt lands around the DAL 30.

8:46 p.m. - Morris runs for about seven.

8:46 p.m. - Second and four. Brown hauls it in to move the sticks.

8:47 p.m. - Prescott scrambles and slides for close to a five yard gain.

8:47 p.m. - The fullback pushes it to the OAK 41 for another set of downs.

8:48 p.m. - Morris takes it inside the OAK 30 on a 12-yard run. He is killing it up the gut tonight.

8:49 p.m. - And Morrow drops Morris behind the line for a loss of three yards.

8:49 p.m. - Second and 13. Smith gets pushed out of bounds after a five yard reception.

8:50 p.m. - Third and 8. Morrow chases Prescott down and Dak has to dump it. Fourth down approaches.

8:51 p.m. - Dallas goes for a 45-yard field goal attempt. It's good. Dallas leads it, 3-0, with five minutes left in the first quarter.

8:55 p.m. - Raiders start this next drive at their own 25. 

8:56 p.m. - Neutral zone infraction against Dallas gives the Raiders five free yards.

8:56 p.m. - Jared Cook is very, very close to a first down haul.

8:56 p.m. - Second and one. Lynch goes down two yards behind the line of scrimmage. Flags are down.

8:57 p.m. - Donald Penn is down, and he looks severely injured.

9:00 p.m. - Third and three. Michael Crabtree drops it. Vadal Alexander is filling in the leftside gap for Penn.

9:02 p.m. - Raiders punt it away.

This guy's face sums up the season about as well as any numbers could.

9:03 p.m. - Rod Smith gets hit right at the line on first down.

9:04 p.m. - Hannah catches it down at the OAK 20. A 31-yard pick-up.

9:06 p.m. - Smith gets stuffed at the line.

9:07 p.m. - Play action pass, and the Cowboys take it inside the OAK 5. And that's the end of the first.

9:10 p.m. - Prescott scrambles and gets tackled at the four yard line.

9:10 p.m. - Second and goal. And Sean Smith gets flagged for pass interference.

9:11 p.m. - Dallas gets a new set of downs at the OAK 1.

9:11 p.m. - And Smith barrels into the end zone for a touchdown.

9:12 p.m. - The XP is good. With 14 minutes left in the second quarter, the Cowboys lead it 10-0.

9:15 p.m. - Patterson has a good punt return, but flags are down.

9:16 p.m. - Yep, it's two holding calls against the Raiders.

9:17 p.m. - Lynch gets maybe a yard on the run. Another flag is down.

9:17 p.m. - Holding against the Raiders.

9:18 p.m. - First and 15. ANOTHER FLAG IS DOWN.

9:18 p.m. - False start against Oakland. I'm pretty sure that puts them at their own 1 yard line now.

9:19 p.m. - Richard hauls it in at the OAK 12.

9:19 p.m. - Second and seven. The deep shot to Crabtree downfield in triple coverage is no good. Shit, we're lucky that one wasn't picked off.

9:20 p.m. - Third and seven. And Carr scrambles and slides to FINALLY get this offense a first down.

9:21 p.m. - Carr tosses the ball to the ground because everybody's covered.

9:22 p.m. - Second and 10. Lynch runs for about five yards.

9:22 p.m. - Third and five. Crabtree catches the ball, fumbles it, and thankfully, recovers the pigskin for a few extra yards.

9:23 p.m. - Patterson hit for a four-yard loss on an end-around.

9:24 p.m. - Second and 14. Lynch with about five on a pitch and catch.

9:25 p.m. - Third and eight. Crabtree hauls it in, but he looks like he's a yard short of the first down marker.

9:25 p.m. - Fourth and one, and King is out to punt. The Cowboys fair catch it at their own 10.

9:29 p.m. - Second and 10. Morris goes down behind the line for a one yard loss.

9:30 p.m. - Third and 11. Mack almost sacks Prescott in the end zone and Dak throws it away. And the Raiders' D gets hit with a holding call.

9:31 p.m. - First and 10 for Dallas. The Raiders take a timeout.


9:33 p.m. - Second and 15. Smith gets a very short gain on the run.

9:34 p.m. - Third and 12. And Witten hauls in the first down pass on a 13-yard pick up.

9:34 p.m. - Morris goes down at the line.

9:35 p.m. - Second and 10. Bowman drags down Morris after a one-yard gain.

9:36 p.m. - Third and nine. The pass is ALMOST intercepted by T.J. Carrie, but he can't hold on to it.

9:36 p.m. - Dallas punts. The Raiders fair catch it at their on 30 with about three minutes left in the second.

9:40 p.m. - Lynch runs for nine on first down.

9:40 p.m. - Second and one. Lynch gets hit right at the line.

9:40 p.m. - Third and one. Looks like Carr has enough on a QB sneak to move the chains.

9:44 p.m. - A deep shot to Crabtree falls short. A flag is down. It's offsides against Dallas.

9:44 p.m. - First and five. Lynch takes it to the DAL 45.

9:45 p.m. - Carr hits Crabtree for a nine yard gain.

9:45 p.m. - Second and 1 with 90 seconds left.

9:46 p.m. - Washington appears to have enough to convert.

9:46 p.m. - Roberts with a five yard gain, but he doesn't get out of bounds.

9:47 p.m. - Washington takes it to the DAL 30. And the Raiders call a timeout.

9:49 p.m. - Carr is hit as he's thrown and the pass to Patterson is incomplete.

9:50 p.m. - Second and 10 with 21 seconds left in the half.

9:51 p.m. - Cook takes it to the DAL 11. The Raiders take their last timeout of the half.

9:52 p.m. - Fourteen seconds left. COOK HAULS IN THE TOUCHDOWN!

9:52 pm. - Oh fuck, there's a flag down. Pass interference against the Raiders for negative ten yards.

9:52 p.m. - Carr getting chased down in the backfield. He tosses it out of bounds with three seconds left on the clock.

9:54 p.m. - Here comes Giorgio. And it's no fucking good.

So you're saying we've got a chance, huh?

9:54 p.m. - That's the end of the second quarter, kids. Dallas leads it 10-0, but the Raiders will get the ball back to begin the third.

9:56 p.m. - Time to walk a puppy. See you back here in about 20, folks.

10:08 p.m. - Patterson appears to have a 100 yard kickoff return, but two flags are down in the backfield.

10:10 p.m. - Of course it's against Oakland. So they get pinned back to their own 10.

10:10 p.m. - Lynch with a 12 yard run. Well, that's a positive, at least.

10:10 p.m. - LOL at Collinsworth talking about the Raiders having a shitty play-action game. And sure enough, Lynch gets gobbled up behind the line of scrimmage as soon as he says it.

10:11 p.m. - Second and 12. Lynch with an eight yard catch.

10:12 p.m. - Third and four. Flags are down before the line is snapped. False start against the Raiders.

10:13 p.m. - Third and nine. And Washington fights his way to move the sticks.

10:13 p.m. - Damn, do I LOVE the Madden Cam. I wish that was the default camera POV the whole game.

10:14 p.m. - Second and eight. Lynch gets a yard, maybe two on the run up the gut.

10:15 p.m. - Third and six. And Carr runs for 32 yards downfield. Whew!

10:16 p.m. - Play action. Crabtree doesn't hold on to the pigskin.

10:16 p.m. - Second and 10 at the DAL 20. Lynch barrels it inside the DAL 5. A 19 yard gain.

10:17 p.m. - First and goal at the DAL 2. TOUCHDOWN MICHAEL CRABTREE! They went 90 yards on 11 plays and ate up almost seven minutes of gametime.

10:18 p.m. - The XP is good. It's 10-7, Dallas, with eight minutes left in the third quarter.

10:21 p.m. - The Dallas return man gets waylaid at the Cowboys' 15.

10:21 p.m. - Morris gets a yard. Maybe.

10:22 p.m. - Second and nine. Another incompletion.


10:23 p.m. - Never mind. The INT stands, but Smith is ruled down by contact back at the OAK 22. 

10:26 p.m. - Incomplete to Crabtree in the end zone.

10:27 p.m. - Second and 10. Lynch can't get beyond the line of scrimmage.

10:28 p.m. - Third and nine. The pass to Washington is dropped.

10:29 p.m. - Giorgio is out for the game-tying field goal.

10:30 p.m. - It's a 39-yarder. And it's good. We've got a tied ball game with about six minutes left in the third.

10:32 p.m. - Cowboys take over at their own 25. Morris gets two on the first down run.

10:33 p.m. - Second and eight. PRESCOTT GETS SACKED BY MACK AGAIN!

10:34 p.m. - Third and 11. And Beasley can't hold on to the rock. Dallas must punt.

10:35 p.m. - And Chris Jones takes it to the DAL 48 on a fake punt. Well, don't they beat all.

10:35 p.m. - And the follow-up flea flicker results in an incomplete deep downfield.

10:36 p.m. - Second and 10. Prescott's throw to Witten is way underthrown. A flag is down.

10:37 p.m. - Pass interference against the Raiders.

10:38 p.m. - Witten takes it to the OAK 40.

10:38 p.m. - Second and three. Smith runs it up the gut to convert.

10:39 p.m. - The pass to Bryant is incomplete. Flags are down.

10:39 p.m. - Holding against the Cowboys puts 'em back ten yards.

10:40 p.m. - First and 20. Wait - how the fuck is it first and goal now? My feed just skipped ahead two whole minutes!

10:41 p.m. - And Prescott runs into the end zone for a rushing score. They went 75 yards on 11 plays.

10:42 p.m. - And the XP is good. Dallas regain the lead, 17-0, with a minute left in the third.

10:45 p.m. - And Patterson runs all the way up to midfield before fumbling the ball out of bounds. That means the Raiders start their next drive at their own 48.

10:48 p.m. - The first down pass is incomplete to Cook.

10:49 p.m. - Second and 10. Crabtree goes nowhere after hauling in a short catch. And that's all she wrote for the third quarter.


10:53 p.m. - Dallas is challenging whether or not Roberts maintained possession.


10:56 p.m. - Lynch rumbles for four yards.

10:56 p.m. - Second and six. Lee Smith gets three yards.

10:57 p.m. - Third and three. And Crabtree hauls it in to move the sticks.

10:58 p.m. - False start against the Raiders makes it first and 15.

10:59 p.m. - Lynch breaks a tackle and gets about six yards.

11:00 p.m. - Second and 10. Shit, Roberts ALMOST had the TD.

11:00 p.m. - Flags are down. It's illegal contact against the Cowboys. The Raiders get an automatic first down.

11:01 p.m. - First and goal at the DAL 8. The end zone shot to Crabtree is way overthrown.

11:02 p.m. - Second and goal. Lynch rumbles down to the DAL 2.

11:02 p.m. - Third and goal. Holy shit, what a time for the feed to freeze up.

...when your season is literally lost by the width of a goddamn index card.

11:04 p.m. - TOUCHDOWN MICHAEL CRABTREE! The XP is good, and it's all knotted up again, 17-17.

11:05 p.m. - Dallas takes over at their own 25.

11:07 p.m. - Bryant loses four yards on a terrible end-around attempt.

11:08 p.m. - Second and 14. Prescott runs for eight, but flags are down in the backfield.

11:09 p.m. - A ten yard holding call against Dallas.

11:09 p.m. - Second and 24. Smith gets - eight, I guess?

11:10 p.m. - Third and 18. Beasley catches it about two yards shy of the first down marker.

11:10 p.m. - Cowboys punt. The ball goes out of bounds around the OAK 20. Flags are down.

11:11 p.m. - Ten yard holding penalty against the Raiders.

11:14 p.m. - Carr almost sacked, but he manages to target Lynch for a short gain.

11:15 p.m. - Second and eight. Lynch runs for about four.

11:15 p.m. - Third and four. Cook drops what would've been a first down haul. Raiders have to punt.

11:16 p.m. - The Cowboys' return man goes out of bounds near the DAL 30.

11:20 p.m. - The pass to Bryant is no good.

11:20 p.m. - Second and 10. Morris gets hit behind the line.

11:20 p.m. - Third and 10. Witten looks like he may have picked up the first down.

11:21 p.m. - Yep, it's ruled a first down. Now the Raiders are challenging the spot of the ball.

11:22 p.m. - Looks like Witten was half a yard short on the replay.

11:23 p.m. - The call on the field is overturned. It's fourth down and half a yard for the Cowboys.

11:24 p.m. - Prescott goes for a sneak. He may have come up short.

11:25 p.m. - The referees used an index card to measure the spot. The refs say they got the first down by like a centimeter.

11:26 p.m. - Cowboys at midfield. Morris runs for two.

11:27 p.m. - Second and eight. Bryant hauls the catch inside the OAK 10.

11:29 p.m. - Second and goal. And that's the two minute warning.

11:32 p.m. - Morris is half a yard short. Raiders call a timeout.

11:33 p.m. - Third and goal. And Morris is stopped four inches shy of end zone.

11:34 p.m. - Raiders take their second timeout.

11:34 p.m. - Fourth and goal. The Cowboys come out for a field goal.

11:34 p.m. - The kick is good. Dallas takes back the lead, 20-17, with 1:44 left in regulation.

11:35 p.m. - Patterson goes out around the OAK 30. Flags are down.

11:37 p.m. - It's against the Raiders. That costs them 10 yards.

11:37 p.m. - The pass to Roberts is batted away.

11:38 p.m. - Roberts holds on to it at the OAK 30. A 19-yard gain.

11:39 p.m. - The pass to Crabtree is no good.

11:39 p.m. - Crabtree is overthrown.

How long is the distance between utter despair and the will to live? Three feet, apparently.

11:40 p.m. - Third and 10. 1:05 left on the clock. Almost picked off.

11:40 p.m. - Fourth and 10. This is the season, kids.

11:40 p.m. - The deep shot to Crabtree is no good but FLAGS ARE EVERYWHERE.

11:41 p.m. - PASS INTERFERENCE AGAINST DALLAS. That puts the Raiders at the Dallas 10. That gave them 55 free yards.

11:42 p.m. - Second and three. It's knocked out of Crabtree's hands. 

11:43 p.m. - Dallas take an injury timeout.

11:44 p.m. - Third and three. Thirty-nine seconds left.

11:44 p.m. - Carr scrambles, he goes down at the one ... and then he fumbles out of the endzone for a goddamn touchback.

11:46 p.m. - It's being reviewed. The touchback is confirmed. And the Cowboys will run out the clock.

11:49 p.m. - The Cowboys win 20-17. The Raiders fall to 6-8, and their season is officially over, two games early.

11:50 p.m. - See you next year, Raiders' faithful. Here's hoping 2018 is a damn sight better than 2017.


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