Thursday, August 22, 2019

Ten BOLD Predictions for the 2019 NCAA College Football Season!

Complete with win-loss projections for EVERY Division I team!

By: Jimbo X

Hey, remember last year, in my preseason NCAA college football predictions, I told you Trevor Lawrence was going to lead Clemson to the National Championship with a commanding win over Alabama — five fucking months prior to that ACTUALLY happening?

Well, let that be a lesson to you people — when it comes to college football, I know precisely what I’m talking about here. And with the first week of college pigskin action going down THIS weekend — we’ve got Miami of Florida taking on Florida of Gainesville in Orlando on Saturday night, plus Arizona going toe-to-toe with Hawaii in a game that’s probably gonna’ suck copiously — what better time than NOW to give all you fine sportsters our OFFICIAL 2019 NCAA College Football season preview?

Below, you’ll find our win-loss projections for EVERY Division I FBS school — yes, even the independents like Liberty and UMass, whom, let’s face it, don’t matter — PLUS our patented, yearly BOLD PREDICTIONS in which we tell you shit that’s gonna’ blow your goddamn fuckin’ gourd in late August but will be the most obvious prognostications in the world by the time January rolls around. And this year, we’re taking it a step beyond, extending the range of our BOLD PREDICTIONS to ten, leading up to our estimations of which two teams will be competing for the National Championship in New Orleans … I mean, not that it’s that surprising, but remember: as with all things in life, it’s not the destination that matters, but the journey

And yeah, needless to say, we should all be in store for one HELL of a collegiate pigskin journey over the next few months. Now, with those pleasantries out of the way, who’s ready for some college football soothsaying?

Bold Prediction #01
Clemson won’t lose a single regular season game by less than 10 points

Let’s start off the list with a bold prediction that really isn’t all that bold — the notion that Clemson is the HEAVY favorite to win the ACC this year. Of course, we here at TIIIA ain’t gonna’ dispute that, but we’ll take it a step further and contend that the Tigers will win ALL of their regular season games by double digits, as Trevor Lawrence and pals effortlessly trudge forward to a conference championship contest against a 9-3 Virginia team … whom, naturally, Clemson utterly demolishes by a 20-point margin of victory.


Clemson (12-0) / (8-0) Virginia (9-3) / (6-2)
Louisville (9-3) / (6-2) Duke (8-4) / (6-2)
Syracuse (8-4) / (4-4) Miami (8-4) / (5-3)
Wake Forest (8-4) / (5-4) Virginia Tech (8-4) / (5-3)
Boston College (5-7) / (2-6) Pittsburgh (4-8) / (2-6)
Florida State (5-7) / (3-5) North Carolina (4-8) / (2-7)
NC State (3-9) / (1-7) Georgia Tech (3-9) / (2-6)

Bold Prediction #02
This is the year Georgia FINALLY triumphs over Alabama

Well, this isn’t a shocking prediction in the slightest: I’m projecting Alabama to finish the regular season a spotless 12-0. Naturally, this leads to Alabama vs. Georgia III for the SEC Championship in early December, with the Bulldogs finally getting the monkey off their back and defeating the Tide to win the conference and punch their tickets to the National Playoffs. Even sweeter for the UGA faithful? The thrilling victory comes in double overtime, as the Tide push left on what would’ve been a game-winning chipshot from a mere 34 yards out.


Alabama (12-0) / (8-0) Georgia (11-1) / (7-1)
LSU (10-2) / (7-1) Florida (9-3) / (5-3)
Mississippi State (8-4) / (4-4) Tennessee (8-4) / (4-4)
Texas A&M (7-5) / (4-4) Missouri (6-6) / (3-5)
Auburn (7-5) / (4-4) South Carolina (5-7) / (2-6)
Ole Miss (7-5) / (3-5) Kentucky (5-7) / (2-6)
Arkansas (7-5) / (3-5) Vanderbilt (3-9) / (0-8)

Bold Prediction #03
Michigan will win the Big Ten … but just barely

With arguably the best defensive core in college football, the Wolverines just need to find the offensive spark to propel themselves to the peak of the Big Ten, and we here at TIIIA predict THIS is the year that Harbaugh and company finally get over the hilltop. While Michigan will wrap up the regular season 12-0, they’ll have some close calls along the way, including an epic OT win over Ohio State that officially cements their place in the Championship tilt. Speaking of, we’ve got Michigan just barely edging Iowa in the Big Ten title tilt, with the Wolverines eking out a narrow 19-16 win that’s just impressive enough to secure their status as the No. 2 team in the country heading into bowl season.


Iowa (11-1) / (8-1) Michigan (12-0) / (9-0)
Wisconsin (9-3) / (7-2) Ohio State (10-2) / (7-2)
Nebraska (9-3) / (6-3) Michigan State (8-4) / (5-4)
Northwestern (8-4) / (5-4) Penn State (8-4) / (5-4)
Illinois (6-6) / (3-6) Maryland (3-9) / (2-7)
Minnesota (5-7) / (2-7) Indiana (3-9) / (1-8)
Purdue (5-7) / (2-7) Rutgers (3-9) / (1-8)

Bold Prediction #04
Oklahoma WON’T make it to the Big 12 Championship Game

With Jalen Hurts transferring to Oklahoma, the Sooners are clearly the presumptive frontrunner to win the 10-team Big 12 conference — again, because none of these assholes care for how numbers are supposed to work. However, we here at TIIIA projects Oklahoma not even making it to the conference championship, with regular season losses to Texas and Oklahoma State ultimately keeping the Sooners out of the title game. Speaking of Texas and Oklahoma State, those are the two teams we do have appearing in the Big 12 title tilt — with the Longhorns winning an exciting, defeneseless as fuck score-a-thon 49-42 over the way-overachieving Cowboys.


Texas (11-1) / (8-1)
Oklahoma State (11-1) / (8-1)
Oklahoma (10-2) / (7-2)
West Virginia (9-3) / (6-3)
Iowa State (8-4) / (6-3)
Texas Tech (7-5) / (4-5)
Kansas State (5-7) / (3-6)
TCU (4-8) / (2-7)
Baylor (3-9) / (1-8)
Kasas (1-11) / (0-9)

Bold Prediction #05
The PAC-12 won’t suck as much as you’d think

While the Pac-12 once again won’t have a representative in the National Playoffs, at least three of their teams are projected on our end to close out the regular season with at least 10 wins. Ultimately, TIIIA envisions Oregon besting Washington in regular season play, which gives them the de facto tiebreaker to take on a one-loss Utah team for the official conference crown. And there, we’ve got the Ducks dashing the far-fetched playoffs dreams of the Utes, with Oregon rolling Utah 27-3 in an absolute snoozer.


Oregon (10-2) / (8-1) Utah (11-1) / (8-1)
Washington (10-2) / (7-2) USC (6-6) / (4-5)
Stanford (6-6) / (5-4) Arizona (5-7) / (3-6)
Washington State (6-6) / (4-5) Arizona State (5-7) / (3-6)
California (4-8) / (2-7) Colorado (4-8) / (4-5)
Oregon State (3-9) / (2-7) UCLA (4-8) / (4-5)

Bold Prediction #06
UCF and Boise State will both blow it in their respective championship games

Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news for the Group of Five faithful. The good news is that the exemplars of non-power five college football, UCF and Boise State, will make longshot runs at a National Playoffs berth. The bad news, however, is that TIIIA also sees both teams hypothetically shitting the proverbial beds in their respective conference championship games, with a 12-0 Knights team getting bested 28-20 by a 9-3 Navy squad in the AAC title game, while a one-loss Broncos team ends up getting drubbed 42-29 by San Diego State University in a disastrous bid for the MWC championship. And those loses, I assure you, have big ramifications, allowing a true underdog team to sneak their way into this year’s Cotton Bowl Classic — but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, naturally.



Navy (9-2) / (7-1) Central Florida (12-0) / (8-0)
Houston (8-4) / (6-2) South Florida (9-3) / (5-3)
Memphis (6-6) / (3-5) Cincinnati (8-4) / (5-3)
SMU (4-8) / (3-5) ECU (7-5) / (4-4)
Tulane (3-9) / (2-6) Temple (6-6) / (3-5)
Tulsa (2-10) / (1-7) UConn (3-9) / (1-7)


Boise State (11-1) / (8-0) SDSU (10-2) / (7-1)
Air Force (9-3) / (7-1) SJSU (7-5) / (5-3)
Utah State (6-6) / (4-4) Fresno State (7-5) / (4-4)
Colorado State (5-7) / (3-5) Nevada (5-7) / (4-4)
Wyoming (4-8) / (1-7) Hawaii (3-10) / (2-6)
New Mexico (4-8) / (2-6) UNLV (2-10) / (1-7)


Northern Illinois (8-4) / (7-1) Bowling Green (8-4) / (6-2)
Central Michigan (8-4) / (6-2) Buffalo (6-6) / (4-4)
Western Michigan (7-5) / (5-3) Ohio (6-6) / (4-4)
Eastern Michigan (6-6) / (4-4) Kent State (4-8) / (4-4)
Toledo (5-7) / (3-5) Miami Ohio (2-10) / (1-7)
Ball State (3-9) / (3/5) Akron (1-11) / (1-7)


Arkansas State (7-5) / (5/3) Coastal Carolina (10-2) / (6-2)
South Alabama (4-8) / (4-4) Troy (9-3) / (6-2)
Louisiana-Monroe (4-8) / (3-5) Appalachian State (8-4) / (6-2)
Texas State (3-9) / (3-5) Georgia Southern (5-7) / (2-6)
Louisiana-Lafayette (2-10) / (1-7) Georgia State (5-7) / (4-4)


North Texas (9-3) / (7-1) Florida Atlantic (8-4) / (6-2)
UAB (7-5) / (4-4) Marshall (8-4) / (6-2)
Rice (7-5) / (5-3) Florida International (7-5) / (4-4)
UTSA (5-7) / (5-3) Middle Tennessee (6-6) / (5-3)
UTEP (5-7) / (2-6) Charlotte (6-6) / (4-4)
Louisiana Tech (4-8) / (1-7) Old Dominion (4-8) / (3-5)
Southern Mississippi (2-10) / (1-7) Western Kentucky (3-8) / (2-5)

Bold Prediction #07
Notre Dame won’t win more than five games

The Fighting Irish went undefeated in the 2018 regular season — only to get their pope-loving, potato-eating asses wrecked by T. Lawrence and the Tigers in the first round of the National Playoffs. Well, considering how tough their schedule is this year, TIIIA not only predicts Notre Dame failing to return to the four-team tourney, but failing to chalk up a winning record. Indeed, with some tough road games against Louisville, Georgia, Michigan and Stanford — and some easily loseable homestands against Virginia, USC, VT and Navy — there’s a VERY strong likelihood the team actually loses twice as many games as they win in ’19. 


Army (11-1)
Notre Dame (5-7)
UMass (4-8)
Liberty (5-7)
BYU (4-8)
New Mexico State (3-9)

Bold Prediction #08
The non-Playoffs Bowl games will all be blowouts

Assuming none of you give half a fuck about the Cheez-It Bowl (by the way, it’ll be Washington State defeating Texas Tech, 28-13), we’re just going to stick to the big New Year’s Six games here. Alas, while all of the matchups sound exciting as fuck on paper, pretty much all of them end up being disappointments, with nary a single game being deicded by fewer than 13 points. In the Orange Bowl, it’ll be LSU clobbering Virginia 31-14, while the Rose Bowl culminates with Ohio State curb stomping Washington 48-12. The Cotton Bowl presents a feel great story, with a resurgent 11-1 Army team getting an opportunity to tango with Iowa in primetime, but the end result is a fairly uneventful drubbing, with the Hawkeyes besting the Knights 28-10. But the biggest disappointment is the Sugar Bowl, which gives football fanatics the oh-so-enticing matchup of Tua’s Crimson Tide against Jalen Hurts’ Sooners …. yet ends up being a 33-3 ass kicking, with Nick Sabin’s squad emerging triumphant in an absolute route.

Bold Prediction #09
Clemson will be the only playoff team to return in 2019

Which brings us to the National Championship Playoffs contests. In the Fiesta Bowl, it’s an orange and white on orange and white affair, as the fourth-seeded Longhorns lock … helmets … with the No. 1 seeded Clemson Tigers. While the game remains deadlocked 20-20 at the end of the second quarter, Clemson starts pouring on the points in the second half, ultimately ambling out of Arizona with a 48-31 W. The Peach Bowl contest — featuring the No. 3 seeded Bulldogs effectively serving as the de facto home team — is a more defensive-minded affair, but UGA nonetheless manages to pull off the minor upset when they defeat the No. 2 seeded Michigan Wolverines 19-17, in a game that sees both teams combine for fewer than 300 yards of total offense.

Bold Prediction #10
Clemson will prevail over Georgia to win the National Championship

Well, if you’re looking for some high drama and natural intrigue, the big National Title Game slated for Jan. 13 in Nawlins ought to be must-see television. The underdog Bulldogs will do their damndest to prevail over the Clemson juggernaut, and to their credit, they’ll almost pull off the all-time upset. Yet up 21-13 heading into the fourth, UGA does what UGA does and chokes the game away, allowing T-Law to come roaring back with two minutes left in the game to tag receiver Tee Higgins on a 37-yard pass with just 13 seconds remaining on the clock — thus, giving the Tigers the come-from-behind victory, handing Georgia yet ANOTHER heartbreaking lose and cementing the 2019-20 Clemson squad as arguably the best all-around college football team since the 2001-2002 Miami Hurricanes. And as soon as Trevor Lawrence hosts the championship trophy in the air, you can almost hear about 12 or 13 NFL teams formulating their plans to Fail for T.L. come the 2021 draft …


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