Sunday, October 20, 2019

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play From Week 7's Raiders vs. Packers Game!

This Week's Episode:
"When in Wisconsin, Do as the Wisconsins"

By: Jimbo X

It's that time of year again, folks! After an off-season that was eventful, to say the least, the 2019-2020 Oakland Raiders season is officially underway, and needless to say, expectations have NEVER been lower for our beloved silver-and-black bedecked squadron. Because we here at The Internet Is In America are loyal traditionists to a "T" (and also, glutons for punishment), we're going to be doing our damnedest to bring you LIVE play-by-play coverage of EVERY single Oakland Raiders game of the season, continuing with this afternoon's road matchup against Indianapolis. So join us LIVE on SUNDAY, OCT. 20 starting at 1 p.m. Eastern time as our patented, award-winning, possession-by-possession coverage of week 7's Raiders vs. Packers game gets rolling. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff — and, as always, feel free to do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your online Raiders fans know what we're offering 'em by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Such, I assure you, is greatly appreciated — and something tells me we're gonna' need as much help as we can damn get this season, for sure.

10:47 a.m. - The 3-2 Raiders are traveling to Green Bay to take on the 5-1 Packers in an inter-conference matchup that, according to ESPN, is a foregone conclusion. Their Football Power Index gives Green Bay a 72 percent chance to win this matchup, but then again, the FPI also gave the Bears and even GREATER likelihood of beating Oakland in London a couple of weeks back, and we all recall how that turned out, don't we?

10:49 a.m. - Still, the Packers no doubt have the historical advantage here. They've won the last seven regular season encounters against the Raiders, with the last time the Silver and Black besting the Cheese-Heads occuring in 1987 when the team was still playing in Los Angeles.

10:50 p.m. - For the Raiders, top receiver Tyrell Williams is out, as is defensive end Arden Key. Starting tackle Trent Brown is listed as doubtful, while guard Gabe Jackson and kick return specialist Dwayne Harris are both tabbed as game-time decisions.

10:52 a.m. - Meanwhile, safety Darnell Savage is out for Green Bay, while tight end Robert Tonyan is listed as doubtful. Cornerback Tony Brown and wide receivers Marquez Valdes-Scantling and Geornimo Allison are all listed as questionable.

10:54 a.m. - So, yeah, expect Joshua Jacobs to get a LOT of snaps in this one, with the Raiders likely to use the same smashmouth rushing attack that crippled Chicago on a significantly weaker Green Bay defensive front. Of course, Jon Gruden IS calling the shots here, so who knows what the fuck is actually gonna' happen here.

10:56 a.m. - The Vegas spread is -5 for Green Bay, with the over/under set at 47.5. On the money line, the Packers are listed as -240 heading into the matchup.

10:58 a.m. - And as odd as it may sound, the Raiders are actually the statistically BETTER defense heading into this one, only allowing 368.2 yards per game while Green Bay is allowing 384.3. And while the Packers are outgunning the Raiders 265 yards per game to 223.4, the Raiders are also outpacing Green Bay on the ground, with an average of 134.4 rushing yards per contest compared to GB's 105.8 average. 

10:59 a.m. - Anyhoo, kickoff is at 1 p.m. I'm getting groceries and an extra large coffee with two shots of espresso and I'll see you back here in a couple.

1:05 p.m. - The Raiders won the toss and elect to receive first.

1:06 p.m. - Davis goes down around the GB 16 on the kick.

1:06 p.m. - First and 10 for Oakland. Jacobs runs for about eight. 

1:07 p.m. - Jacobs TRUCKED a nigga on that run and it was glorious. Second and one.

1:07 p.m. - Jacobs runs it up the gut for a one yard gain. And that'll move the sticks.

1:08 p.m. - And Jacobs runs it down to the GB 29 on a MASSIVE gain. A 42-yard pick up!

1:09 p.m. - Washington runs for about three up the gut.

1:09 p.m. - Second and seven. Carr's deep pass to Doss is overthrown.

1:09 p.m. - Third and seven. The pass to Renfrow is way overthrown. Raiders going for a field goal.

1:10 p.m. - A 45-yard attempt. It's good. The Raiders leap out to a 3-0 lead with 12:21 left in the first.

1:13 p.m. - Oh fuck, Jacobs is walking to the locker room. That is NOT good. Not good whatsoever.

1:14 p.m. - The Packers will take over from their own 25. Jones gets maybe two yards on the run.

1:14 p.m. - An obvious offsides call agains the Raiders. 

1:15 p.m. - Second and three. Jones with a stiff arm and gets about 15.

1:16 p.m. - First and 10 near midfield. Rodgers runs for about four on the keeper.

1:17 p.m. - Second and six. Rodgers' slant pass is incomplete.

1:18 p.m. - Third and six. Rodgers hits a wide open Graham for a huge gain.

1:19 p.m. - GB at the OAK 20 for first and 10. The refs say Jones hauls in the 21-yard TD pass, but I have my doubts as to whether or not that was a completion.

1:20 p.m. - The XP is good. Green Bay takes the 7-3 lead with 9:42 left in the first quarter.

1:23 p.m. - It'll be a touchback for the Raiders, so they'll start at their own 20. 

1:23 p.m. - First and 10. Carr tags Davis for a 20 yard gain. A flag is down, however. Pass interference against the Raiders.

1:24 p.m. - First and 20. Gruden is challenging the offensive pass interference call.

1:27 p.m. - Of course, the call stands. But on the plus side, Jacobs is back in the game.

1:28 p.m. - Second and 20. Davis picks up the quick pass for 16.

1:29 p.m. - Third and four. The Raiders call a timeout.

1:30 p.m. - Carr targets Doss at midfield, but, he can't haul in the one-handed catch.

1:31 p.m. - Raiders have to punt. Green Bay fair catches it around their own 15.

1:33 p.m. - Jones picks up a roughly eight yard pass to begin the series.

1:34 p.m. - Second and three. Jones appears to have enough to get the firs down.

1:34 p.m. - Rodgers hits Vitale for another big gain. About a 20-yard pick up.

1:35 p.m. - First and 10 at the GB 40. Williams with no gain on the run.

1:35 p.m. - Second and 10. The sideline pass to Allison is no good.

1:36 p.m. - Third and 10. And RODGERS GETS SACKED BY CROSBY! That's an eight yard loss, by the way.

1:37 p.m. - Davis fair catches the punt around the OAK 10.

1:38 p.m. - Jacobs runs for about two on the first down run.

1:38 p.m. - Second and nine. Jacobs picks up the pass for a very short gain.

1:39 p.m. - Third and six. And Davis has enough room to move the chains on a ten-yard pick up.

1:39 p.m. - First and 10 at the OAK 30. Davis gets dropped in the backfield, but a flag is down.

1:40 p.m. - Too many men on the field penalty against Green Bay. Oakland gets five free yards.

1:41 p.m. - First and five. Jacobs appears to have enough to move the sticks.

1:41 p.m. - Second and one. Jacobs easily converts.

1:42 p.m. - First and 10 from the OAK 42. Carr tags Carrier on what appears to be a 15-yard gain. But its negated by an offensive holding call.

1:43 p.m. - First and 20 from the OAK 32. Jacobs runs for about four.

1:43 p.m. - Second and 16. Richard gains about five on the quick pass.

1:44 p.m. - Third and 11. Carr hits a WIDE OPEN DOSS who takes it down to the GB 28. A 31-yard gain. And that's the end of the first, ya'll.

Which, when you think about it, is actually really good advice for life, in general.

1:48 p.m. - First and 10. Jacobs gets maybe a yard on the run.


1:48 p.m. - Second and 20. Carr hits Carrier for a 17-yard gain.

1:49 p.m. - Third and three. Renfrow picks up the short pass to move the sticks.

1:50 p.m. - First and 10 at the GB 20. Jacobs runs for about three.

1:51 p.m. - Second and 7. Doss hauls it in at the GB 10.

1:52 p.m. - Third and three. TD FOSTER MOREAU! A 10-yard touchdown pass from Carr!

1:53 p.m. - The XP is good. The Raiders retake the lead 10-7 with 11:33 left in the second quarter.

1:56 p.m. - The Packers return man goes down within the GB 20.

1:57 p.m. - First and 10. Jones runs for about five, possibly six.

1:57 p.m. - Second and six. Vitale takes the sideline catch for 21.

1:58 p.m. - First and 10 at the GB 43. Jones stumbles for two, maybe three yards.

1:59 p.m. - Second and 7. Jones barrels into OAK territory for 19, but there is a flag. PI ON THE OFFENSE.

2:00 p.m. - Second and 17. Williams with a nine yard gain on the pass.

2:01 p.m. - Third and eight. Allison picks up a 15 yard pass and goes down around the OAK 40.

2:01 p.m. - Tony Romo is such a Green Bay Nuthugger. Jones runs for about five.

2:02 p.m. - Second and five. Jones gets four on the run.

2:03 p.m. - Third and a long one. Jones converts.

2:03 p.m. - First and 10 at the OAK 29. The Packers call a timeout.

2:06 p.m. - Rodgers tags Lazar for a gain of nine under pressure.

2:07 p.m. - Second and one. False start on Green Bay pushes them back five.

2:08 p.m. - Second and six. Rodgers end zone shot is way overthrown, but  a flag is down at the one-yard line.

2:09 p.m. - Pass interference against Oakland puts the Packers at the four.

2:09 p.m. - First and goal. Jones gets about one yard on the cutback run.

2:10 p.m. - Second and goal. Rodgers hits a wide-open Williams for the TD.

2:11 p.m. - The XP is good. Green Bay regains the lead 14-10 with 3:27 left in the second. Wait, there's a personal foul call on the Raiders for roughing the snapper. Oh well, the PAT still stands.

2:14 p.m. - Washington breaks off an eight yard run on the first down call.

2:15 p.m. - Second and two from the OAK 33. Carr tags Waller down the sideline for a new set of downs.

2:16 p.m. - Raiders at midfield. And Waller takes it all the way down to the GB 5!

2:17 p.m. - First and goal. And there's the two-minute warning.

You know what? From now on, let's just keep this nigga' away from pylons altogether, why don't we?

2:19 p.m. - First and goal. Jacobs runs for about one.

2:20 p.m. - Second and goal, from the GB 2. Carr scrambles and gets about one yard, but there are questions as to whether or not he was really out of bounds at the one yard line.

2:24 p.m. - So New York rules it a FUMBLE and gives automatic possession back to Green Bay. Just like in that one Dallas game from a few years back. Fuck this stupid bullshit.

2:25 p.m. - Second and three for Green Bay. Rodgers chased under pressure and tosses it away.

2:26 p.m. - Third and three at the GB 26. CONLEY WITH AN INTERCEPTION, BUT A FLAG IS DOWN.

2:26 p.m. - So it's ruled a completion for GREEN BAY and then Oakland gets hits with a personal foul call. This is goddamn retardedly biased.

2:27 p.m. - The refs decide OK, it was an incomplete pass, but the pass interference call stands.

2:29 p.m. - Green Bay at their own 42. Lazar drops the deep pass.

2:30 p.m. - Second and 10. Just a four-yard pick up for the Packers and the clock continues to run.

2:30 p.m. - Third and six. The pass is good for a first down, and Green Bay has to call a timeout.

2:32 p.m. - Lazar reels it in for two. 

2:32 p.m. - Second and three. And the refs say Kumerow has the 37-yard TD pass down the sidelines.

2:34 p.m. - Alright, did the receiver step out of bounds? New York is evaluating. The call stands, because OF COURSE it would. The XP is good, so now Green Bay leads 21-10 with 12 seconds left in the half.

2:37 p.m. - The Raiders take a knee and run out the clock. 

2:37 p.m. - Alright, I'm walking a puppy for halftime. And holy shit, I'm I fucking FURIOUS over the officiating in this cocksucker.

2:38 p.m. - Regardless, I'll be seeing you in about 15.

3:19 p.m. - Long story short, a garbage bag full of shitty old food exploded and I've spent the los 15 minutes sweeping the shit off the driveway.

3:20: p.m. - So I return and there's about 3 minutes left in the third and the Packers are up 28-17. So yeah, I guess that exploded garbage bag is highly metaphorical in several ways.

3:21 p.m. - And right on cue, Rodges hits Graham for a TD pass. It's now 35-17 Green Bay. Fuck this goddamn shitty-ass day.

3:24 p.m. - Jacobs runs it up the gut for about four.

3:25 p.m. - Second and six. Waller gets pegged by Carr and he has enough to move the sticks.

3:25 p.m. - And Jacobs plows down to the GB 36. That kid is a fucking MASTER at cutbacks.

3:26 p.m. - A 27-yard gain, in case you were wondering. Jacobs gets hit at the line on the first down run. And that's the end of the third.

3:29 p.m. - Washington gets 12 yards on the catch. Move them sticks.

3:30 p.m. - Washington runs for about  four on the first down run.

3:31 p.m. - Second and seven. Moreau runs for about 14 and the Raiders are within the GB 10.

3:32 p.m. - First and goal. Jacobs gets two, possibly three yards on the un.

3:32 p.m. - Second and goal. Jacobs about two yards shy of the TD.

3:32 p.m. - Third and goal. Jacobs gets down to the one. Fourth and goal, the Raiders have to go for it.

3:33 p.m. - Jacobs is ruled half a yard shy on the run. Turnover on downs for the Packers, it appears.

Hoo-ray for taxpayer subsidies and shit!

3:36 p.m. - Packers take over at their own one. Williams runs for about three yards.

3:37 p.m. - Second and seven. Williams gets tripped up after a gain of two.

3:38 p.m. - Third and five. Rodgers gets WAYLAID by Morrow on the throw. The pass falls incomplete.

3:40 p.m. - Packers have to punt. Davis goes out in Green Bay territory, but a flag is down.

3:41 p.m. - Holding call on the Raiders pushes them back 10 yards.

3:44 p.m. - Washington runs for about seven. 

3:44 p.m. - Second and three. The pass from Carr is deflected.

3:44 p.m. - Third and three. ATEMAN of all people with a 36-yard catch down the sideline. That was a hell of a catch, really.

3:45 p.m. - Raiders at the GB 15. First and 10 ... AND IT'S FUCKING INTERCEPTED BY KING.

3:48 p.m. - Goddamnit, this game makes me want to drive drunk and beat up my ex-wife. And I don't drink, nor do I even have an ex-wife.

3:49 p.m. - Well, there's really no point in doing play-by-play for this shitshow anymore, so I guess I'm just going to have to MST3K this shit until the fourth quarter is over.

3:50 p.m. - Jones gets about six on the run.

3:50 p.m. - Yep, and right on cue, the Packers get another touchdown. It's Green Bay 42, Oakland 17. Fuck my life and fuck everybody else's life while I'm at it.

3:53 p.m. - Not that it matters, but the Raiders are punting the ball away again. 

3:54 p.m. - Really, shit starting going downhill after the Pylon no-call. That would've made it a 17-10 Raiders game at halftime, and who knows who things could've played out from there.

3:55 p.m. - This is the epitome of a "game of missed opportunities." The Raiders had multiple opportunities to get points on the scoreboard, but they royally hunced the pooch on THREE goal line chances.

3:56 p.m. - The back-up quarterbacks are in, so this game is officially over for all intents and purposes.

3:57 p.m. - Packers punting it away. We're rapidly approaching the two minute warning. Davis with a big return, but like fuck any of this shit matters.

4:01 p.m. - You know, that reminds me: fuck Green Bay. Buncha fat white motherfuckers. 

4:02 p.m. - Well, Glennon tags Waller for a TD pass to cut the lead to just 42-24. That makes me feel somewhat less hate-filled.

4:04 p.m. - And Green Bay is just going to knee the rest of this fucker out.

4:04 p.m. - Our final from Green Bay? Packers 42, Raiders 24.

4:05 p.m. - All I can say is I hate football, with a fuckin' passion.


Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.