Wednesday, November 27, 2019

2019-2020 NFL Power Rankings (Week Twelve)

ESPN and Bleacher Report can eat it — THESE are the only pro football rankings that matter, anywhere and everywhere


By: Jimbo X

This Week’s Episode:
“Thanks For Nothing and Thanks For Everything”

THE ELITES

#001
Baltimore Ravens (9-2)
Season Point Differential: +184

For the first time all season long, we here at TIIIA has a team in the No. 1 slot that AIN’T called the Patriots. And after the Ravens’ 45-6 beatdown of the reigning NFC Champs Monday night, how could we put Baltimore anywhere BUT the number uno position-o? Lamar Jackson pretty much cemented the League MVP in the blowout, going 15 for 20 for 169 yards and FIVE TD passes, in addition to running the rock for 95 yards on eight keepers. Speaking of the run game, the Ravens only slightly edged out the Rams in the 39-point victory; at the final horn, L.A. had 22 on the ground, while Baltimore had a mere 285.

#002
New England Patriots (10-1)
Season Point Differential: +183

The Pats’ offensive woes continued in Sunday’s 13-9 win over the Cowboys. Tom Brady went 17 for 37 for 190 yards and just one TD pass, while Sony Michel recorded 85 yards (but no scores) on 20 rushing attempts. And frankly, the Pats’ much ballyhooed D didn’t look THAT imposing against Dallas, either, holding the ‘Boys to just 212 yards passing and 109 rushing. Oh, and don’t look now, but the O-line let Tom Terrific get sacked twice — just something you should probably be aware of heading into the big rematch against Buffalo in a couple’ of weeks.

#003
San Francisco 49ers (10-1)
Season Point Differential: +169

The Niners trounced the Packers Sunday, as Jimmy G. and the gang beat up GB 37-8 in prime time. Garoppolo went 14 for 20 for 253 yards and two passing TDs in the win, with top receiver George Kittle calling it a day with 129 yards and one score on six grabs. And running the rock, Raheem Mostert and Tevin Campbell combined for two scores and 84 yards on 17 carries, while the San Fran D held the Pack to just 117 yards rushing and a mere 81 passing.

#004
Dallas Cowboys (6-5)
Season Point Differential: +085

Dak Prescott went 19 for 33 for 212 yards, no TD passes and one INT in the Cowboys’ 13-9 loss to the Patriots Sunday afternoon. Still, Randall Cobb had some good receiving numbers (86 yards on four catches) and Ezekiel Elliot hit triple digits as a dual-threat back, accumulating 86 rushing yards on 21 carries and chalking up another 40 yards on four hauls as a receiver. 

#005
Minnesota Vikings (8-3)
Season Point Differential: +084

The Vikes had a bye over the weekend, and they return to the gridiron Monday for a pivotal clash with the Seahawks — which, obviously, has HUGE playoffs implications for the entire National Football Conference. From there, though, Minnesota has a (seemingly) doable schedule, with the Lions, Chargers, Packers and Bears remaining on the rest of the docket. Really, if Minnesota can’t conclude the year with at least 10 wins, something downright catastrophic had to have happened down the December stretch.

#006
Buffalo Bills (8-3)
Season Point Differential: +058

The Bills had no problem surmounting the Broncos Sunday, besting Denver 20-3 in a pretty uneventful outing. Josh Allen went 15 for 25 for 185 yards, two TD passes and one INT, with top receiver Cole Beasley calling it a day with 76 yards and one score on six catches. Meanwhile, Devin Singletary had a VERY solid day running the rock for Buffalo, wrapping up the contest with 106 yards on 21 carries. 

#007
Kansas City Chiefs (7-4)
Season Point Differential: +052

The Chiefs had a bye over the weekend, and are set to host the Raiders this Sunday in a game that is very likely to determine the eventual AFC West champion. From there, the Chiefs travel TO Foxboro to take on the Patriots, and the last three contests of the year appear to be gimmes against the Broncos, Bears and Chargers. So it seems likely that the Chiefs will wrap up the year 10-6 at the absolute worst, but you never know, man … especially when human/walrus hybrid experiment Andy Reid is the one calling the shots on the sidelines.

#008
New Orleans Saints (9-2)
Season Point Differential: +042

In what was easily the most entertaining game of the week, the Saints bested the Panthers 34-31 on Will Lutz’s last-second-ish field goal Sunday. Drew Brees went 30 for 39 in the win, ultimately collecting 311 yards and three touchdowns (plus one INT), with top receiver Michael Thomas hitting 101 yards on 10 receptions. And the tandem of Latavius Murray and Alvin Kamara didn’t look too bad for N.O., either combining for 118 yards and one score on 18 carries. 

THE PLAYOFF HOPEFULS

#009
Seattle Seahawks (9-2)
Season Point Differential: +029

Russell Wilson went 13 for 25 for 200 yards, one TD and one INT in Seattle’s 17-9 win over Philadelphia Sunday, although in the process, the MVP-candidate also got sacked SIX times for minus 26 yards overall. Fortunately for the Seattle faithful, the run game was there to pick up the slack in the passing attack; at the final horn, Rashaad Penny had 129 yards and one end zone visit on 14 carries. 

#010
Tennessee Titans (6-5)
Season Point Differential: +028

The Titans blasted the Jags 42-20 over the weekend, in a game that saw Ryan Tannehill go 14 for 18 for 259 yards and two TD passes. A.J. Brown led the Titans with 135 yards and one score on four catches, and Derrick Henry was downright fantastic running the rock, collecting 159 yards and two scores on 19 carries. And hey, you know who else had four rushing scores for Tennessee on Sunday? That’s right — Ryan T. his goddamn self.

#011
Indianapolis Colts (6-5)
Season Point Differential: +018

Jacoby “Whisker Biscuit” Brissett went 16 for 25 for 129 yards in the Colts’ 20-17 loss to the Texans Thursday evening. With Eric Ebron leading the team with 44 yards on four catches, Indy pretty much had to rely on its run game to even stay in contention in this one; with 104 yards and one end zone trip on 26 carries, Jonathan Williams was easily the best thing about the Colts’ offense in the three-point loss.

#012
Green Bay Packers (8-3)
Season Point Differential: +016

No, Aaron Rodgers did not have a good outing in Sunday night’s 37-8 loss to the Niners. At the final horn, he went 20 for 33 for 104 yards and one TD pass, but considering he got sacked FIVE times for negative 38 yards, you might as well go on ahead and dial down the yardage to just 81 (which is STILL an inflated number, since Tim Boyle got a couple of shots in there, too.) Meanwhile, the Packers’ run game didn’t do much on the ground either, with top back Jamall Willliams calling it a day with just 45 yards on 11 carries, while Aaron Jones exited the outing with just 38 yards on 13 carries.

#013
Houston Texans (7-4)
Season Point Differential: +016

Deshaun Watson went 19 for 30 for 298 yards and two TD passes in Houston’s narrow 20-17 win over Indianapolis on Thursday night. Will Fuller V was undoubtedly the top offensive attraction for the Texans, amassing 140 yards on seven carries — although, technically, DeAndre Hopkins had more scoreboard production with two touchdowns and 94 yards on six receptions. Alas, the Texans’ run game kinda’ underwhelmed, with Carlos Hyde hitting 67 yards and no scores on 16 carries. 

#014
Los Angeles Rams (6-5)
Season Point Differential: +006

The Rams only nominally showed up Monday night, as the reigning, defending NFC champions got wrecked 45-6 by the Lamar Jackson War Machine. Jared Goff went 26 for 37 for 212 yards, no TDs and two interceptions in the blowout loss to Baltimore, but at least L.A. can take some solace in all those yards accumulated by Todd Gurley — you know, just 22 on six carries. Still, Robert Woods had an alright game, I guess, collecting 97 yards on six catches (albeit, without any trips to the end zone.)

#015
Los Angeles Chargers (4-7)
Season Point Differential: +006

After a bye this past weekend, the Chargers return to action this Sunday for an AFC West showdown against the Broncos that doesn’t even remotely matter in the grand scheme of things. From there, Los Angeles has a possible W against Jacksonville, but Hot Christ, talk about a killer schedule down the stretch: for the final three games of the year, LAC’s got the Vikings, the Raiders AND the Chiefs back-to-back-to-back. Yeah, it don’t look like Phil Rivers is gonna’ make the Super Bowl this year, either, kids ...

#016
Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5)
Season Point Differential: +004

With Mason Rudolph struggling — he went eight for 16 for 85 yards and one INT about halfway through the game —the Steelers put in THE DEVLIN HODGES, who went five for 11 for 118 yards and one score as Pittsburgh topped Cincinnati 16-10. The two top offensive producers for Pittsburgh were hardly household names: leading the team in receiving yards was James Washington (98 yards, one score, three catches) and leading the Steelers in rushing yardage was, of all people, BENNY SNELL, Junior, with 98 yards on 21 carries. 

THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK

#017
Chicago Bears (5-6)
Season Point Differential: 000

In Chicago’s narrow 19-14 win over the Giants, Mitchell “The Mitchell” Trubisky went 25 for 41 for 278 yards, one TD pass and two interceptions. Top receiver Allen Robinson II had a pretty good day, garnering 131 yards and one touchdown on six catches, but Sweet Jesus, did the Bears’ run game suck something fierce: at the final horn, they had just 65 yards on the ground, with Tarik Cohen managing a miserable 25 yards on six carries to be the team’s nominal “best” rusher.

#018
Philadelphia Eagles (5-6)
Season Point Differential: -004

Carson Wentz went 33 for 45 for 256 yards in the Eagles’ 17-9 loss to the Seahawks Sunday. At the final horn, Wentz had 256 yards, one TD and two interceptions, plus he ate three sacks for negative 18 yards, with top receiver Zach Ertz calling it a day with 91 yards and one TD on 12 catches. And the run game, I reckon, performed respectably in defeat, with top rusher Miles Sanders notching up 63 yards on 12 carries. 

#019
Cleveland Browns (5-6)
Season Point Differential: -019

The surging Browns notched up another big win over the weekend, this time toppling the hapless Fins 41-24 at home. Baker Mayfield went 24 for 34 for 327 yards, three TD passes and one INT in the win, with Jarvis Landry calling it a game with an impressive 148 yards and two scores on just ten grabs. And ex-UGA standout Nick Chubb didn’t look too bad running the rock, neither; he concluded the contest with 106 yards and one end zone trip on 21 carries. 

#020
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-7)
Season Point Differential: 023

In the Bucs’ somewhat surprising 35-22 win over the Falcons, Jameis Winston went 18 for 28 for 313 yards, three touchdowns and two interceptions, and perhaps best of all for the Tampa Bay faithful, it doesn’t appear that he raped anybody in the process, either. Leading T.B. in receiving yards was dark horse Pro Bowl contender Chris Godwin, who wrapped up the outing with a downright marvelous 184 yards and two touchdowns on just seven receptions. 

#021
Detroit Lions (3-7-1)
Season Point Differential: -031

With Matt Stafford out of action, the Lions aren’t just bad, they’re downright pitiful. That’s evident by Detroit’s 19-16 loss to the lowly Redskins Sunday, a game which saw Jeff Driskel lob the rock 20 times for 2017 yards, one TD and three interceptions … and to think, all it cost him was getting sacked SIX times, to boot. It’s hard to find a bright spot for the Lions after this one, but perhaps the play from Bo Scarbrough comes closest; in an utterly meaningless game, he notched up 98 yards on 18 carries. 

#022
Carolina Panthers (5-6)
Season Point Differential: -032

Kyle Allen went 23 for 36 for 256 yards and three TD passes on Sunday, but his Panthers still succumbed to the Saints 34-31 over the weekend. DJ Moore called it a day with 126 yards and two scores on six receptions, while Christian McCaffrey continued to make the white race proud, accumulating 64 yards and one score on 22 carries and registering 69 receiving yards and one catching score on nine hauls. Of course, their secondary also let Drew Brees torch ‘em for 300 yards plus, but hey, what else is new in Ric Flair country?

#023
Denver Broncos (3-8)
Season Point Differential: -042

Brandon Allen went 10 for 25 for 82 yards — yes, just 82 yards — in the Broncos’ 20-3 loss to the Bills Sunday. If that wasn’t bad enough, he also lobbed one INT and got sacked four times for negative 33 yards, ultimately dialing back his total passing yardage to just 49 yards on the day. Needless to say, the Denver rushing attack didn’t look too much better, with Phillip Lindsay topping out with a mere 57 yards, and no end zone trips, on 13 carries. 

#024
Jacksonville Jaguars (4-7)
Season Point Differential: -055

Nick Foles went 32 for 48 for 272 yards in Sunday’s 42-20 loss the Titans, lobbing no touchdown passes, no interceptions and getting sacked three times for minus 20 on the day. Dede Westbook led the team with 69 yards on eight receptions, and if nothing else went right for the Jacksonville O, at least Leonard Fournette gave it his best; at the final horn, he had 97 yards and two trips to the end zone on 24 carries. 

ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE DRAFT

#025
Atlanta Falcons (3-8)
Season Point Differential: -055

After their defense looked like some real big-dicked motherfuckers against New Orleans and Carolina, of course the Falcons would inexplicably suck it up against Tampa Bay Sunday. In the 35-22 loss, Matt Ryan went 23 for 46 for 271 yards, zero touchdowns and one interception, with Tampa Bay defenders sacking him no less than SIX times for negative 46 yards on the day. Pretty much the lone defensive bright spot for the Falcons was receiver Calvin Ridley, who exited the contest with 85 yards and one score on six catches. 

#026
Oakland Raiders (6-5)
Season Point Differential: -056

In the epitome of a trap game, the Raiders got murderized by the Jets Sunday, falling 34-4 on the road. Derek Carr went 15 for 27 for 127 yards and one INT before professional hot dog imitator Mike Glennon entered the contest, and Josh Jacobs had his worst showing to date as a pro, registering a pathetic 34 yards on 10 carries. I’m not even going to attempt to rationalize how the Raiders lost this one as badly as they did — although, for the LOLZ, you can revisit my stream of consciousness rage LIVE as it happened anytime you want right here

#027
New York Jets (4-7)
Season Point Differential: -060

The Jets have now won three games in a row, and even weirder, all by 34 points, too. Their most recent victory was a shock blowout at the rain-slicked Meadowlands against the Raiders, in a game that saw Sam Darnold actually looks like a NFL-caliber quarterback, going 20 for 29 for 315 yards and two TD passes. Also, Le’Veon Bell had his best game in what seems like forever; not only did he finish the contest with 49 yards on 12 carries, he also collected 59 yards on five catches as a receiver.

#028
Arizona Cardinals (3-7-1)
Season Point Differential: -069

The Cards had a bye over the weekend and will return to action against the Rams on Sunday, in a game that Kyler Murray and Co. actually have a halfway decent shot of winning. From there, it’s a pretty mixed bag for the remainder of the season, with home stands against the Steelers and Browns on Dec. 08 and Dec. 15, respectively, before wrapping up the year with back-to-back road tests against Seattle and the Rams … again. 

#029
New York Giants (2-9)
Season Point Differential: -091

Daniel Jones went 21 for 36 for 150 yards and two TD passes in the Giants’ 19-14 loss to the Bears over the weekend. While Golden Tate (33 yards, three catches) and Kaden Smith (17 yards, five catches) each took him a TD, it was actually Darius Slayton who led the G-Men in receiving yards, with 67 on four carries. Alas, Saquon Barkley wasn’t much of a factor in the game at all; by the final whistle, he had mustered a mere 59 yards on 17 carries, with nothing even remotely resembling a touchdown on his stats sheet. 

#030
Washington Redskins (2-9)
Season Point Differential: -125

In Washington’s 19-16 win over Detroit, Dwayne Haskins went 13 for 29 for 156 yards, no TD passes and one INT. Meanwhile, the Skins’ topped out at 86 yards on 24 carries, again, with no scores. Indeed, had Steven Sims, Jr. NOT recorded that blistering 91-yard kickoff return in the opening minutes of the second quarter, I’m not entirely sure Washington would’ve even been in this game, let alone have won it — if you had kicker Dustin Hopkins (four for four on field goals), congrats on the inflated fantasy football figures.

#031
Cincinnati Bengals (0-11)
Season Point Differential: -135

The Bengals fell 0-11 on the year Sunday, but at least they kept it kinda’-sorta’ close against the Steelers in the 16-10 loss over the weekend. Ryan Finley went 12 for 26 for 192 yards in the loss, lobbing one TD pass and getting sacked four times for negative 34 yards on the day. Tyler Boyd led the Bengals with 101 yards and one score on five TDs, while Joe Mixon looked solid enough carrying the lunchbox, concluding the contest with 79 yards (but no scores) on 18 carries.

#032
Miami Dolphins (2-9)
Season Point Differential: -183

In the Dolphins’ 41-24 loss to the Browns, Ryan Fitzpatrick went 21 for 39 for 214 yards, two TD passes and two interceptions, in the process getting sacked four times for a cumulative loss of 22 yards. Oddly enough, he was also the team’s top rusher, producing 45 yards and one touchdown on the ground, which really tells you everything you need to know about Miami’s run game these days. At this point in the season, one has to wonder whether or not the Fins’ upper brass will just order the team to roll over and play dead — I mean, with two wins on the year, they’re already two games behind Cincy in the Blow for Burrow standings, ain’t they?

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