Sunday, November 3, 2019

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play From Week 9's Raiders vs. Lions Game!

This Week's Episode:
".500 Ain't Nothing But A Number"

By: Jimbo X

It's that time of year again, folks! After an off-season that was eventful, to say the least, the 2019-2020 Oakland Raiders season is officially underway, and needless to say, expectations have NEVER been lower for our beloved silver-and-black bedecked squadron. Because we here at The Internet Is In America are loyal traditionists to a "T" (and also, glutons for punishment), we're going to be doing our damnedest to bring you LIVE play-by-play coverage of EVERY single Oakland Raiders game of the season, continuing with this afternoon's road matchup against Indianapolis. So join us LIVE on SUNDAY, NOV. 03 starting at 4 p.m. Eastern time as our patented, award-winning, possession-by-possession coverage of week 9's Raiders vs. Lions game gets rolling. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff — and, as always, feel free to do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your online Raiders fans know what we're offering 'em by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Such, I assure you, is greatly appreciated — and something tells me we're gonna' need as much help as we can damn get this season, for sure.

12:23 p.m. - The Raiders have their first game IN Oakland since early September today, and it ought to be a good one as the 3-4 Raiders takes on the 3-3-1 Lions.

12:24 p.m. - ESPN's Football Power Index gives Oakland a 56.4 percent chance to win this one. Vegas has the Raiders listed as -2.5 favorites, with the money line set at -150 for Oakland. The over/under is 51.

12:25 p.m. - For the Raiders, center Rodney Hudgson, DT PJ Hall, safety Erik Harris, OT Andre James and DE Josh Mauro are all listed as questionable.

12:26 p.m. - Meanwhile, cener Graham Glasgow and DT Mike Daniels are OUT for Detroit, while cornerbacks Darius Slay and Amani Orwarriye ae both listed as gametime decisions, as is DT A'Shawn Robinson.

12:27 p.m. - Offensively, the Lions are putting up 299 passing yards a game and 96.9 rushing yards, while the Raiders are averaging 247 passing yards per game and 131 yards rushing.

12:28 p.m. - Defensively, the Lions are allowing 302.6 yards per game, while the Raiders are allowing 391 per contest.

12:29 p.m. - It should be an interesting QB dual today, with Matt Stafford passing for 2,093 yards so far this season (with 16 TDs and four interceptions) against a home-standing Derek Carr, who has 1,695 passing yards on the year, with 11 touchdowns and four interceptions.

12:30 p.m. - And on the ground, the matchup to watch will be Kerryon Johnson vs. Josh Jacobs. The former has 308 yards and two scores on the year, while Jacobs has 620 yards and four TDs on 124 carries.

12:31 p.m. - Gametime is 4:05 p.m. I'll be back in the mix around 3:30 p.m. — see you in just a bid, folks.

4:23 p.m. - Alright, I'm late again. Sorry, but not really.

4:24 p.m. - The score is 0-0 with about 7:30 left in the first quarter.

4:24 p.m. - And the Raiders are in the red zone. First and goal for OAK at the DET 2.

4:25 p.m. - TOUCHDOWN JACOBS! Richie Icognito had a big block on that one, so give him some serious credit.

4:26 p.m. - Carlson's XP is good. Raiders lead it, 7-0, about halfway through the first.

4:29 p.m. - Raiders punting. The Lions take in in the end zone, so they'll start at their own 25.

4:30 p.m. - Johnson runs for about eight, maybe nine.

4:30 p.m. - Second and one. Johnson has enough for the first, but the gain is only good for about three.

4:30 p.m. - First and 10 at the DET 36. The honkey in jersey 88 reels it in past midfield.

4:31 p.m. - First and 10 at the OAK 49. Harris DESTROYS the receiver right at the line of scrimmage.

4:32 p.m. - Second and 11. And Marvin Jones hauls in the 47-yard completion.

4:32 p.m. - First and goal. The shot to Amendola falls short.

4:33 p.m. - Second and goal. Johnson runs for maybe a yard or two.

4:34 p.m. - Third and goal at the OAK 2. McKissic is wide open, and he DROPS IT IN THE END ZONE.

4:34 p.m. - The Lions are going for it on fourth down.

4:35 p.m. - And Jones holds on to it for the TD.

4:35 p.m. - The XP is good. It's tied 7-7 with 2:34 left in the first.

4:39 p.m. - The return man for Oakland goes down pretty close to the OAK 40.

4:40 p.m. - Carr hits Waller for a HUGE pick-up deep into Detroit territory.

4:40 p.m. - First and 10 at the DET 33. Jacobs plows forward by about three yards.

4:40 p.m. - Jacobs runs for maybe a yard.

4:41 p.m. - Third and six. Flags are down.

4:41 p.m. - It's a neutral zone infraction against the Lions. That makes it third and one.

4:42 p.m. - LOL at the announcers making references to Dr. Feelgood. Ingold easily moves the sticks.

4:42 p.m. - Jones runs for about five, and that's the end of the quarter.

Yep. It's feeling a lot like Tecmo Bowl out here, motherfuckers.

4:45 p.m. - Carr under pressure and he just dunks it away.

4:46 p.m. - Third and seven. There's a flag. False start on Oakland.

4:47 p.m. - Third and 12. The pass to Richard is no good, but flags are down.

4:47 p.m. - Pass interference against Detroit.

4:48 p.m. - First and 10 at the DET 19. Jacobs runs for about two.

4:49 p.m. - Second and eight. Carr tags Jones for about three.

4:49 p.m. - Third and five. Carr fumbles the ball, picks it up and just dunks it away to avoid the turnover.

4:50 p.m. - Carlson is out for a 32-yard field goal attempt. It's good. The Raiders retake the lead, 10-7 with 13:31 left in the second quarter.

4:54 p.m. - The Lions' return man goes down around the DET 27.

4:54 p.m. - Johnson runs for about three and flags are down. Holding on Detroit pushes them back 10 yards.

4:54 p.m. - First and 20. Jones is very close to moving the sticks. 

4:55 p.m. - Yep, the refs say it was good for 20. First and 10.

4:55 p.m. - Jones gets tagged at midfield.

4:55 p.m. - McKissie finds a hole and gets nine on the run. But a flag is down.

4:56 p.m. - Holding on Detroit. Well, there goes the gain.

4:57 p.m. - First and 20. Stafford hits a wide open Golladay on a 59-yard TD bomb. Playing the role of the Raiders' secondary this afternoon is Swiss cheese.

4:58 p.m. - The XP is good. The Lions regain the lead, 14-10 with about 11 minutes left in the quarter.

5:01 p.m. - The Raiders return man downs it in the end zone.

5:01 p.m. - First and 10 from the OAK 25. Washington runs for abou four.

5:02 p.m. - Second and seven. Carr tags Renfrow to move the sticks.

5:02 p.m. - Washington takes it down to the DET 43 on the pass.

5:03 p.m. - Renfrow runs for about seven after the catch.

5:03 p.m. - Second and two. Washington goes down at the line.

5:04 p.m. - Third and three. Richard in the backfield. The shot to Richard is dropped. 

5:05 p.m. - The Raiders appear to be going for it on fourth and three.

5:05 p.m. - Renfrow can't get to it, and the Raiders turn the ball over damn near at midfield.

Now THAT shit ought to make it onto SportsCenter.

5:08 p.m. - The running back takes it up to the DET 49 on a 13-yard gain.

5:08 p.m. - Flags everywhere. Encroachment on the defense.

5:09 p.m. - First and five. Jones hangs onto the ball in Raiders' terriotry, despite getting creamed by Harris in the air.

5:10 p.m. - First and 10 at the OAK 30. Crosby trips up the back in the backfield, but flags are down.

5:11 p.m. - Tripping call against Crosby, that'll be 10 free yards for the Lions.


5:12 p.m. - The Raiders needed that in the WORST possible way. And that was a one-handed grab, at that!

5:13 p.m. - Raiders taking over at their own 20 again. Jacobs runs for close to 10. But another flag is down.

5:13 p.m. - Holding against the Raiders.

5:14 p.m. - First and 18 at the OAK 12. The Raiders call a timeout.

5:15 p.m. - Second and four. Jacobs runs for about two.

5:16 p.m. - Third and three. And Waller takes the pass all the way down to midfield on the blitz.

5:17 p.m. - Renfrow spins for about five after the catch. But a flag is down. Yep, a 10-yard penalty against the Raiders.

5:18 p.m. - First and 20. Jacobs runs for, uh, five I think?

5:19 p.m. - Second and 12. The defender ran into Jones BEFORE he could get to the ball. Yep, that should've been pass interference.

5:19 p.m. - Third and 12. Gruden is challenging.

5:22 p.m. - The penalty isn't overturned. Of course. Third and 12 and Carr hits Williams for the big first down gain anyway.

5:23 p.m. - First and 10 at the DET 40. ANOTHER flag is down. Detroit apparently called the timeout before the 12-men-on-the-field penalty was called.

5:24 p.m. - Jacobs runs for about 17 yards. Yes.

5:24 p.m. - And there's the two-minute warning.

5:27 p.m. - Renfrow hauls it in within the Detroit 5.

5:27 p.m. - First and goal. About 1:16 left in the quarter.


5:29 p.m. - He leapfrogged over a motherfucker into the end zone and it was glorious. Ingold had a marvelous block on that one.

5:30 p.m. - Carlson goes for the XP. It's good. The Raiders retake the lead, 17-14.

5:32 p.m. - It's third and four for the Lions.

5:32 p.m. - The tight end reels in the sideline grab for a 23-yard gain.

5:33 p.m. - Lions at midfield. The ball hits the ground about five yards short of the receiver.

5:34 p.m. - Now we're at third and 10. AND STAFFORD GETS TRIPPED UP FOR A BIG LOSS!

5:35 p.m. - And yep, that'll run down the rest of the playclock.

5:36 p.m. - Halftime, ya'll. Get some snacks, it's time for me to walk a puppy.

5:48 p.m. - The Raiders get the ball back to begin the third.

5:49 p.m. - Davis goes down at the OAK 31 on the return.

5:49 p.m. - Jacobs runs for about three.

5:50 p.m. - Second and seven. Jacobs gets maybe a yard on the run.

5:50 p.m. - Third and five. Richard hauls in the pass, but he looks about a yard shy of moving the sticks.

5:52 p.m. - Raiders punting. And it's a faker by Derek Carrier!

5:52 p.m. - The Raiders pick up 27 yards on the trick play!

5:52 p.m. - First and 10 at the DET 40. Jacobs runs for about four.

5:53 p.m. - Second and six. Jacobs gets about four on the run.

5:54 p.m. - Third and two. The deep shot to Waller is broken up.

5:55 p.m. - Fourth and two. Carlson is going for a 45-yard field goal. And it is no good.

5:58 p.m. - Lions take over at their own 35.

5:59 p.m. - Johnson gets smacked by Joseph after a two-yard gain.

5:59 p.m. - Second and eight. And the ball carrier gets creamed at the line again.

5:59 p.m. - Third and eight. False start on the Lions.

6:00 p.m. - Third and 13. And Jones holds on to the ball to move the sticks.

6:01 p.m. - Johnson gets dropped in the backfield for a loss. A late flag is tossed. Defensive holding.

6:01 p.m. - Second and two for the Lions, now in Raiders' territory.

6:02 p.m. - Johnson finds a hole and he takes it down to the OAK 26.

6:03 p.m. - Amendola hauls it in for an eight-yard gain.

6:04 p.m. - Second and two. McKissic finds another hole, and it's first and goal for Detroit.

6:05 p.m. - McKissic goes down at the line.

6:05 p.m. - James gets about two yards on the catch.

6:05 p.m. - Third and goal. The shot to Golloday is NO GOOD.

6:05 p.m. - Lions going for the field goal. And Prater makes good on the 23-yard attempt.

6:06 p.m. - It's all tied up, 17-17, with about five minutes left in the third quarter.

I don't care what you think. I still want Flo to spit in my mouth for sexual gratification.

6:10 p.m. - Davis gets dropped at the OAK 20 on the reurn.

6:10 p.m. - Jones should have enough to move the sticks on the first down catch.

6:10 p.m. - Second and one. Jacobs gets five and moves the chains.

6:11 p.m. - Jacobs gets maybe two, at the most.

6:11 p.m. - Second and nine. Carr tags Renfrow for three.

6:12 p.m. - Third and six. And Williams hauls it in into Detroit territory. A huge gain right there.

6:13 p.m. - First and 10 at the DET 40. And ATEMAN hauls it in within the Lions 10!

6:13 p.m. - First and goal from the DET 6. Jacobs runs for close to three.

6:14 p.m. - Second and goal. Jacobs plows for maybe a yard, and that's the whistle to end the quarter.

6:17 p.m. - Third and goal, at the DET 3.

6:17 p.m. - The end zone shot is no good, but a flag is down. Actually, two flags are down.

6:18 p.m. - Offsetting penalties on both teams.

6:18 p.m. - Third and goal, again. And MOREAU HAULS IN THE TD PASS!

6:19 p.m. - Carr made the shot under heavy pressure. Carlson's XP is good, and the Raiders retake the lead 24-17 with 14:52 left in regulation.

6:23 p.m. - The Lions' returner goes down at his own 20.

6:24 p.m. - The ball carrier gets maybe two yards on the run.

6:25 p.m. - Second and seven. Stafford's pass is WAY underthrown.

6:25 p.m. - Third and seven. Amendola hauls in the first down catch at the DET 39. A 17-yard gain.

6:26 p.m. - First and 10. Golladay hauls it down at the OAK 38, but flags are down.

6:27 p.m. - Pass interference on Oakland. Detroit, obiviously, declines it.

6:27 p.m. - Johnson gets dropped for a loss.

6:28 p.m. - Second and 12. Johnson gets two, maybe.

6:28 p.m. - Third and 10. Stafford is under heavy pressure and his pass falls short.

6:29 p.m. - The Lions punt, and they retardedly let the ball roll into the end zone.

6:32 p.m. - Jacobs runs for about four.

6:32 p.m. - Second and seven. The pass to Jacobs is bobbled and ALMOST picked off. 

6:32 p.m. - Third and seven. And Carr gets sacked.

6:33 p.m. - Raiders punt. The Lions will take over at their own 35.

6:37 p.m. - Stafford overthrows Amendola on first down.

6:38 p.m. - Second and 10. Stafford rolls out and runs for maybe one yard.

6:38 p.m. - Third and eight. The pass is batted down, but a flag is down. Offsides against the Raiders.

6:38 p.m. - Third and three. And Stafford's pass is NO GOOD.

6:39 p.m. - Detroit has to punt. Davis goes down around the OAK 25.

Jon Gruden is never happy, he's never sad. He's permanently whatever-you-call-this-emotion on display here.

6:42 p.m. - Jacobs runs for about five on first down.

6:43 p.m. - Second and six. Jacobs runs it up the gut for about three.

6:43 p.m. - Third and three. And Carr has to throw it out of bounds. 

6:44 p.m. - Raiders punt. The Lions' return man fair catches it at the DET 22.

6:45 p.m. - Now there's a late flag. A 15-yard interfering with opportunity call against the Raiders on the fair catch.

6:46 p.m. - First and 10 at the DET 37. 

6:47 p.m. - Second and three. Hockenson takes it down to the OAK 40 on a 19-yard pick up.

6:47 p.m. - Second and three. Johnson runs for three.

6:48 p.m. - First and 10 at the OAK 26. And McKissic hauls in the TD pass. The XP is good, and it's all knotted up 24-24 with 5:16 left in the fourth.

6:50 p.m. - The Raiders fair catch it, so they'll take over at their onw 25 on the next drive.


6:52 p.m. - Raiders in Lions' territory. Richard runs for about eight.

6:52 p.m. - Second and three. And Richard has enough to move the sticks.

6:53 p.m. - Fist and 10 at the DET 32. Richard hauls it in INSIDE the Lions' 10!

6:54 p.m. - First and goal. Jacobs runs for about two. Detroit takes a timeout.

6:55 p.m. - The bobbled pass is ALMOST intercepted. Oh shit that was scary.

6:56 p.m. - Third and goal. The Raiders call a timeout.

6:57 p.m. - TOUCHDOWN HUNTER RENFROW! Carr made the shot under pressure and ON THE RUN!

6:58 p.m. - Carlson's XP is good. The Raiders retake the lead again, 31-24, with 2:03 left in regulation.

7:00 p.m. - Agnew goes down around the DET 25. Stafford's got 1:59 to tie the game.

7:02 p.m. - Jones hauls in a seven-yard pass on first down.

7:03 p.m. - Second and three. McKissic takes it to the DET 38.

7:03 p.m. - The ball is batted at the line of scrimmage, but flags are down.

7:04 p.m. - A five-yard defensive holding penalty gives Detroit five free yards and a new set of downs.

7:04 p.m. - At the DET 43. Stafford's deep shot to Golladay is overthrown. 1:22 left on the clock.

7:05 p.m. - Second and 10. The pass to Hockenson in BROKEN UP.

7:05 p.m. - Third and 10. Golloday hauls in the first down pass. 

7:06 p.m. - At the OAK 35. Lawson ALMOST has the interception, and flags are down.

7:07 p.m. - TWO fouls on the Raiders. Roughing the passer and pass interference. 

7:08 p.m. - First and goal for Detroit after the 25-yard penalty. Stafford scramble, but he's about three yards short of the end zone.

7:09 p.m. - Second and goal. Thirty seconds left on the clock.

7:09 p.m. - Stafford is SACKED after he trips over his own feet. The Lions take their final timeout. 25 seconds left.

7:09 p.m. - Third and goal. Detroit pushed back to the 14. The Lions haul it in at the OAK 1!

7:10 p.m. - The Raiders call a timeout with EIGHT SECONDS left on the clock. Fourth and goal.


7:13 p.m. - And with that win, the Raiders improve to 4-4 on the year. And what do you know, they're going to be playing right back at home on Thursday night against the Chargers.

7:13 p.m. - Our final score in Oakland? Raiders 31, Lions 24.

7:14 p.m. - All I can say is, holy shit, do I LOVE football, with a passion.


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