Proudly providing you with the ONLY college football rankings that even remotely matter ...
By: Jimbo X
Let’s face it — the Associated Press and USA Today don’t know what the hell they’re talking about when it comes to college football, which is why their Top 25 rankings are always such dogshit. Thankfully, we here at The Internet Is In America take our collegiate pigskin far more seriously, which is why we’re giving you our own unbiased, impartial, 100 percent objective NCAA Top 25 rankings each and every week this college ball season. Trust us, there’s no reason to scope out ESPN or Bleacher Report this fall … ‘cause when it comes to football on Saturday, ain’t nobody anywhere gonna’ give it to ‘ya as straight as TIIIA will, and that’s a guarantee.
#001
Clemson (12-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Virginia (Dec. 07)
After wrecking South Carolina 38-3 over the weekend, the only thing standing in the way of a National Playoffs spot for the Tigers is this weekend’s ACC Championship tilt with the Cavaliers. Now, we all know better than to put the cart before the horse, but let’s face it — unless Trevor Lawrence spends Friday night doing cocaine off the bellies of Taiwanese lady boys until 6 in the morning, Clemson ought to beat Virginia by at least 21 points. And from there? It’s looking an awful lot like the Tigers have a date with Ohio State or LSU ahead of them, and something tells me Dabo Swinney and company can’t wait to show up the naysayers that have been underrating them all season long, despite, you know, only being the reigning, defending National Champions of college football and whatnot.
#002
LSU (12-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Georgia (Dec. 07)
After sticking it in the Aggies 50-7 over the weekend, the Tigers turn their attention to a very dangerous Georgia team for this year’s SEC Championship contest. Assuming LSU wins, they’re automatic locks for the playoffs, perhaps even an automatic first overall seed. And even if they LOSE to Georgia, as long as it isn’t by 20-plus points I STILL think they’ll probably get into the four team finals, because let’s face it — don’t nobody want to see Utah in anything come New Year’s Eve.
#003
Ohio State (12-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Wisconsin (Dec. 07)
The playoffs math is pretty easy for the Buckeyes. After dismantling the Wolverines 56-27 on Saturday, all they have to do is beat Wisconsin this Saturday in the Big 10 Championship and they’re pretty much cemented as one of college football’s final four. By the way, Ohio State already beat the Badgers once this season, throttling the squad 38-7; expect more of the same this weekend, if not a substantially harsher beatdown, just for the style points.
#004
Georgia (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. LSU (Dec. 07)
After clobbering Georgia Tech 52-7 on Saturday, the Bulldogs find themselves squaring off against an unbeaten LSU team for the SEC crown this weekend. This much is certain: if Georgia wins, THEY have to be slotted into the final four. But if they lose? Well, unless some REALLY freaky things happen to Clemson and Ohio State in their respective title games, one would think that some other one loss team — possibly Oklahoma, possibly Utah — would get slotted into the playoffs in their place. So yeah, long story short; the Bulldogs should just try really, really hard to beat LSU, and then let the chips, as they say, fall where they may.
#005
Oklahoma (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Baylor (Dec. 07)
The Sooners’ mad comeback against the Golden Bears last month was arguably the best college football game of the year up to that point, so naturally, lotsa’ excitement is in the air for the Big 12 Championship rematch this weekend. Assuming the Sooners do win this one, they better be rooting for Georgia to lose against LSU in the SEC Championship; indeed, that’s pretty much the ONLY way Jalen Hurts and pals will be whiffing the playoffs this year, barring some unforeseen cataclysmic shit happening to Ohio State, Clemson AND Utah in their respective title tilts, too.
#006
Baylor (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Oklahoma (Dec. 07)
Poor Baylor. Even if they DO get revenge on Oklahoma and win the Big 12 Championship this weekend, there’s pretty much no chance in hell they make it into the playoffs. As such, it seems like the best case scenario for the Golden Bears is an appearance in the Sugar Bowl, where, if they’re lucky, they MIGHT get to take on a morally deflated Alabama or Florida squad … that is, if they’re lucky. But hey, them’s the breaks that you get after all that tomfoolery with the rape investigations and whatnot, ain’t they?
#007
Utah (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Oregon (Dec. 06)
The Utes have a somewhat clear course to the playoffs, but it ain’t going to be easy. First, they have to beat Oregon in the PAC-12 Championship Game, which is far from a gimme. From there, they have to hope against hope that LSU beats the dog shit out of Georgia, and that Baylor makes Oklahoma look like utter crap in the Big 12 title game. If all three of those things happen, there’s at least a 50/50 chance that Utah ends up filling that fourth and final playoff spot — which, is a nice thought, knowing whoever they play in the Fiesta or Peach Bowl is going to tear their assholes out and feed it to them on live television, regardless.
#008
Memphis (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Cincinnati (Dec. 07)
With the playoffs WAY out of the question, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that Memphis is playing for a slot in the Cotton Bowl as their absolute best case scenario. And considering they already beat their AAC Championship opponents Cincinnati by double digits last week, methinks it’s not out of the question to assume we’re getting second verse, same as the first this weekend. The only problem is, does anybody actually want to see this team take on Alabama or Oklahoma in what is DESTINED to be a one-sided ass kicking in prime time, no matter who’s on the other side of the field?
#009
Boise State (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Hawai’i (Dec. 07)
No, the Blue Turfers are NOT going to be one of the final four teams in this year’s playoff race. However, assuming they’re able to beat Hawai’i in the MWC title game this weekend (which, they probably should) AND Cincinnati beats Memphis in the AAC title game, it’s not too far-fetched to pencil Boise State in for a Cotton Bowl appearance against a legit Power Five team. And my goodness, wouldn’t it be a hoot and a half if, all these years later, it came down to yet ANOTHER Boise State/Oklahoma matchup in prime time?
#010
Appalachian State (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Louisiana (Dec. 07)
The Mountaineers aren’t even CLOSE to making it to the playoffs, but they MIGHT make the Cotton Bowl if all of the following happens. First, they beat Louisiana for the Sun Belt Championship this weekend. Then, Cincinnati beats Memphis in the AAC title game. Then Hawai’i upsets Boise State in the MWC title contest. And App State’s reward for all of that? A prime-time ass blistering from a team like Florida, Baylor or maybe even Michigan … although, as history has shown us, all bets are off when this team tangoes with the Wolverines, ain’t it?
#011
Alabama (10-2)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
After Saturday’s demoralizing 48-45 loss to Auburn in the Iron Bowl — attributed to, of all things, a missed 34-yard-or-so chip shot and a 12-men-on-the-field penalty — the Tua-less Tide are just gonna’ sit and bide their time while the rest of the NCAA bowl game picture shakes itself out. At this point, it seems like Alabama is most likely going to make its next appearance in either the Cotton Bowl or the Orange Bowl; the only question is, well the humiliated SEC leviathans even bother showing up mentally for gameday?
#012
Wisconsin (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Ohio State (Dec. 07)
After beating the Golden Gophers 38-17 over the weekend, Wisconsin has an opportunity to avenge their humiliating loss to the Buckeyes earlier this season in this weekend’s Big Ten title tilt. Of course, even if the Badgers do somehow pull off the monumental upset, there’s no way in hell the selections committee puts this team in the playoffs race. Indeed, it seems like the best Wisconsin can hope for is an appearance in the Vrbo Citrus Bowl, where ESPN anticipates them taking on Auburn, most likely — which, really, doesn’t sound like that bad of a B-tier bowl match-up, honestly.
#013
Penn State (10-2)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
Following Saturday’s 27-6 win over Rutgers, it’s pretty much a given where the Nittany Diddlers are headed next; barring some colossally fluky things happening with Ohio State, Clemson AND LSU this weekend, Penn State might as well punch their tickets to Pasadena, where they’ll be doing battle against Oregon or Utah in the Rose Bowl on New Year’s Day. Let’s just hope they can keep the management away from all those tykes in Disneyland while they’re there, though ...
#014
Notre Dame (10-2)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
With two losses on their records, the Fighting Irish must definitely won’t be fightin’ in the playoffs no matter what happens this weekend in ANY of the championship showdowns. As such, it seems like the most obvious path for N.D. is a collision course with the Camping World Bowl, where ESPN figgers they’re most likely to clash with Oklahoma State for all ‘da marbles. Or at least, some of ‘da marbles, because let’s face it, it’s not a very prestigious bowl game at all.
#015
Minnesota (10-2)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
After getting thumped 38-17 by Wisconsin Saturday, the Golden Gophers got knocked out of the Big Ten Championship Game, and thus, out of the playoffs discussion altogether. According to ESPN, the likeliest bowl date for Minnesota is New Year’s Day, where the cable network juggernaut expects them to go toe-to-toe with Tennessee in the Outback Bowl, which, before you ask, no, you definitely do not give a fuck about.
#016
Oregon (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Utah (Dec. 06)
If you’re Oregon, your absolute best hope is that you wind up playing in the Rose Bowl. ‘Cause even with a PAC-12 title game win over Utah this weekend, there ain’t no way in Hades the Ducks are going to make it to the playoffs, and trust me, I’ve looked at the math like six or seven times and made damn sure I carried the ones and twos while I was at it. But hey, look at it like this — unlike Stanford, UCLA or Oregon State, at least fans of Oregon can actually watch their team in a bowl game that actually airs on a real network this season. Hell, probably one that isn’t even sponsored by Dollar General or Bad Boy Mowers, at that!
#017
Florida (10-2)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
After beating up on the withered corpse of Florida State’s once vaunted football program, the Gators are gonna’ have to be content just sitting on the sidelines, awaiting a possible New Year’s Six bowl appearance, if they play the cards right. At this juncture, ESPN has them projected to show up at either the Cotton Bowl (for a hypothetical showdown with Memphis) or the Orange Bowl, where they would do battle against Virginia in a game that, indeed, would feature a whole lot of orange all over the fucking place.
#018
Cincinnati (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Memphis (Dec. 07)
After losing to Memphis on Saturday, the Bearcats will get an automatic shot at revenge/redemption THIS weekend, as they rematch the Tigers, this time with the AAC title on the line. At this point, the suits at ESPN don’t have a whole lot faith in Cincy’s ability to make it to a bowl game worth a toot; one scenario has them taking on Toledo in the Tropical Smoothie Cafe Frisco Bowl, while another guesstimation has them duking it out with Iowa State in that showcase of the immortals, the AutoZone Liberty Bowl.
#019
Navy (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Army (Dec. 14)
The Midshipmen have their annual hootenanny with Army in two weeks time, which, yeah, they should probably win, preferably by running the ball a whole buncha’ times. From there, ESPN has them — rather fittingly — slotted in for the Northrop Grumman Military Bowl, where the projected opponent will be either North Carolina or Pittsburgh, or probably some other shit team from the ACC that you clearly don’t care about.
#020
SMU (10-2)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
The Methodists exceeded all expectations this year, but even with double digit wins this past season, they sadly find themselves watching the AAC title game at home instead of actively participating in it. Sadly, the guys at ESPN ain’t giving them too much optimism when it comes to potential bowl game matchups; one scenario has them traveling to Dallas to take on Western Kentucky in the SERVPRO First Responder Bowl, while another projection has ‘em taking on Iowa State in that aforementioned Liberty Bowl, as presented by AutoZone, who, hopefully, will spend the entirety of the game failing to get you the right fuckin’ air filter even though it tells you which is which right there on the goddamn box.
#021
Air Force (10-2)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
The Falcons didn’t do well enough to make it to a championship game, but they certainly did well enough to qualify for a halfway decent bowl bid. In fact, one ESPN project actually has them challenging Texas in the Cheez-It Bowl, which is the kinda’ thing you can’t possibly type without feeling at least mildly retarded. Another scenario, fittingly enough, sees them in the Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl, where, hypothetically, they’d tango with Western Kentucky, those hilltoppin’ motherfuckers.
#022
Louisiana (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Appalachian State (Dec. 07)
By golly, it sure would be something if Louisiana beat App State for the Sunbelt Conference crown this weekend, wouldn’t it? Of course, even if that DOES happen, there’s no way the Ragin’ Cajuns end up in anything even remotely resembling a decent bowl matchup. Indeed, the braintrust at ESPN has them destined for the R+L Carriers Bowl in New Orleans, where they’d hypothetically lock horns with Marshall, or the LendingTree Bowl in Mobile, Ala., where they’d most likely take on Central Michigan.
#023
Auburn (9-3)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
Just one year in, and Bo Nix has ALREADY made himself an Auburn legend by leading the Tigers to an upset 48-45 win over Alabama in the Iron Bowl. Oddly enough, though, Nix’s stats were kinda’ mediocre; despite it being the single biggest win of his football career thus far, he only went 15 for 30 passing, for 173 yards and a single TD pass (although he did kinda’ make up for it with 44 yards rushing on six carries, including one trip to the end zone.)
#024
Virginia (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Clemson (Dec. 07)
After beating Virginia Tech 39-30 last week, the Cavaliers have an opportunity to SHOCK THE WORLD and beat Clemson this Saturday for the ACC Championship. Of course, with a 9-3 record, there’s no way in hell Virginia makes it to the playoffs even WITH a highly unlikely victory over the Tigers this weekend; at best, they’re looking to less by just 17 points, with a date against an SEC team that’ll probably maul ‘em by at least 14 in the Gator Bowl.
#025
Iowa (9-3)
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
Next Opponent: T.B.D.
In a very competitive Big 10 field, the Hawkeyes did fairly well, although certainly not decent enough to get them to the conference championship. Still, they at least have a shot at making it to a semi-respectable bowl game later this year. Per ESPN’s projections, Iowa is a LOCK for the TaxSlayer Gator Bowl in Jacksonville, where they would face Kentucky in a battle of states you’ve probably never been to. An even more entertaining-looking projection, however, would have Iowa traveling to Santa Clara to take on UCLA in the Redbox Bowl … which, naturally, makes me wonder just how long until we have a Redtube Bowl in the works (and holy shit, if so, Oregon State better be playing in it, every single year.)
0 comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.