Revisiting WCW Starrcade 1995!

The night New Japan invaded World Championship Wrestling — and nobody really cared.

By: Jimbo X

JimboXAmerican@gmail.com

@Jimbo_American

I’ve never been too keen on the traditional aspects of Christmas — you know, all that stuff about Jesus and Santa and family and all that mess. Indeed, I’ve always fostered a strong distaste for the Yuletide season as a whole, which to me, never really felt cheery or inviting but constrictive and pretentious. The whole thing just reeks of insincerity to me, this mad consumerist frenzy masquerading as a celebration of familial love and community ties. Gimme a break, nigga, we all know Christmas ain’t about nothing but spending money on crap you don’t need because “tradition” demands it. Like, even as a kid, I saw through the phoniness and commercial exploitation of it all; I mean, I liked getting new Sega consoles and Doctor Dreadful fruit gummy kits and all, but all of that merriment and mirth nonsense just rang hollow … and Spendsmas, no doubt, has only gotten more shameless over the last 25 or so years.

But I’m not here today to talk about how much I dislike Christmas, in theory or in practice. No siree, I’m here today to talk about one of the few (and long-forgotten) holiday rites from yesteryear that I did cherish in my youth, and still have a mighty fond reverence for today. Yep, you guessed it, motherfuckin’ Starrcade, you motherfuckers.

Even in the years I wasn’t really into WCW, I still made an effort to at least scope out Starrcade on my uncle’s illegal cable box. While it didn’t quite have the same gravity as WrestleMania, it was definitely the ONE WCW show that felt like you couldn’t miss. And since the event almost always corresponded with Christmas (never the day of, of course, but usually within a week or two’s range), it was pretty hard to not consider World Championship Wrestling’s marquee show of the year an annual holiday totem, all the way up to its demise in 2000. (And yeah, before you assholes start sending me any emails, yes, I know the WWE has resurrected the Starrcade brand name, but some glorified house show out in the middle of Bumfuck, Ga. ain’t the same thing, and you fuckin’ know it.)

Of course, everybody’s got their favorite ‘Cade. For some, it’s the inaugural festivities in ‘83, when Ric Flair took on Harley Race in a steel cage match for the NWA Championship. For others, it might be ‘Cade ‘93, when Ric Flair returned from the WWF and bested Big Van Vader to win the Big Gold Belt in what was effectively his own backyard. Or heck, it might even be ‘Cade 96, when Rowdy Roddy Piper might Hollywood Hulk Hogan go night-night with his patented sleeperhold in a match that was non-title, for whatever stupid reason.

But one ‘Cade, I promise you, nobody ever mentions as a household favorite has to be the 1995 festivities, which, on paper, is pretty shocking considering the absurd amount of talent on the card. Of course, you had all of the expected WCW notables — Benoit, Guerrero, Flair, uh, Alex Wright — but the show also featured a veritable who’s who of early ‘90s New Japan stars, running the gamut from Shinjiro Otani to Hiroyoshi Tenzan to Koji Kanemoto. With so much international talent, you’d expect the show to be glutted with classic match-up after match-up, but for the most part, ‘Cade 95 has been forgotten by pretty much EVERYBODY. 

OK, so it’s not the WCW vs. New Japan super-card we all anticipated, I get that. But surely, the show has to have SOME glimmers of greatness in it, right? 

You know what time it is, kids. Let old Jimbo fire up the VCR and pop in this old ass cassette tape from Turner Home video, and let’s judge it accordingly, why don’t we?

Just TRY to name one thing more 1995 than a dude in a Barry Sanders jersey at a WCW show hating the Japanese. I dare you.

Alright, we are coming to you LIVE from the Municipal Auditorium in Nashville, Tennessee. Pulling commentary duties are Tony Schiavone, Dusty Rhodes and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. Up first is a matchup pitting Chris Benoit against Jushin "Thunder" Liger.

I like how Liger comes out to the most stereotypical ching-chong Chinese buffet background music imaginable. Like, it makes The Orient Express' old WWF theme sound subdued by comparison. Liger, by the way, is accompanied by Sony Onoo, and the American fans are TOTALLY behind Benoit, because fuck them Japs, right? Benoit throws Liger to the mat a couple of times, then Benoit locks in a headlock. Benoit with a shoulder charge, but Liger counters with a million billion arm drags, a dropkick and a baseball slide to the outside. He follows suit with a cannonball senton to the outside, and the Nashville crowd immediately starts chanting "USA," even though neither wrestler is actually FROM the USA. Heenan makes a REALLY oblique joke about rickshaws, and even I'm not sure what he's trying to get it. Liger hits a headscissors, and Benoit ripostes with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Liger counters a powerbomb with an armdrag takedown, then Rhodes accuses Liger of going for a "tipsy toe" to the outside. Benoit with a snap suplex and a backdrop. Benoit with a clothesline and he goes for a fucking LIONTAMER long before Jericho ever thought about it. Meanwhile, Onoo continues to Jap it up on the outside, and Benoit fucking CLIPS Liger with karate chops and a solo German. Just a two-count. Liger's looking for a bow and arrow submission. He's got it. Liger counters that with a PAINFUL looking reverse guillotine before transitioning to an old school camel clutch. Benoit gives Liger the old Electric Fly Swatter backdrop maneuver, but Liger twists around on the follow-up backdrop. Liger counters a piledriver into a weird looking proto-Styles Clash, then Benoit superplexes that motherfucker off the top rope. Heenan said if he was Liger, he'd load his mask with cinder blocks and cement and shit. Benoit with a scoop slam and it's time for a flying headbutt. Of course, Liger rolls out of the way, allowing him to hit Benot with a rolling kick in the corner and a sitout powerbomb. Just a two-count. Liger hits a NASTY brainbuster, but Benoit kicks out at two. Benoit with a chop off the ropes and back-to-back Germans. Benoit connects on a STIFF powerbomb and he goes up top again. He lands the flying headbutt this time, but here comes Kevin Sullivan to fuck everything up. That allows Liger to hit the ugliest, botchiest Frankensteiner you've ever seen in your life for the three-count. Wow, did that ending suck the penis or what? Otherwise, it was a decent enough opener — I'd give it an aight [***], even with the bullshitty conclusion.

In the back, Mean Gene Okerlund is interviewing Eddie Guerrero. Eddie says Kevin Sullivan had no business being at ringside in that last match, and he thinks it's an honor to represent WCW in the World Cup of Wrestling festivities tonight. He says Otani is a tremendous athlete, and tells the TV audience that he's been putting in his hours at the gym to ensure a victory, which is probably codeword for "doing a lot of drugs and shit the night before."

Up next, it's Koji Kanemoto, the then IWGP Junior Heavyweight Champ, going toe-to-toe with Alex Wright, who the Nashville THOTS seem to really dig. I don't know whose music is more stereotypical, Wright's Eurotrash electronica theme or Koji's dee-fried sushi gook rice karoake theme. We've got your basic collar and elbow tie-up to begin, and yep, the fans are once again chanting "USA," even though one wrestler is from Germany and the other is from Japan. Koji gets an armdrag and there's a standstill. You know, Alex Wright reminds me of Zach Sabre, accept I actually buy Alex Wright as a real wrestler. Koji keeps working the spinning toe hold and hamming it up for the Tennessee fans. Wright gets to his feet and hits an enzuigiri. Wright lands some shitty European uppercuts, then Koji goes back to working the arms. Wright lands an arm drag and a nice looking headscissors while Rhodes goes off on a tangent about the Japanese wrestlers visiting moonshine distilleries in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains. Wright with a plancha to the outside and Koji yells at some fan at ringside with a very Beavis-looking haircut. Holy shit, you can almost smell the vodka seeping off Heenan's breath right now. Back in the ring, Wright applies a sleeper and dropkicks Koji on the back of his head. Koji escapes and starts landing a million billion chops in the corner. Koji with a snapmare and a "spin wheel kick," per Tony S. Koji racks Wright up on the top rope and dropkicks him. Koji hits a springboard plancha to the outside, then Wright launches Koji into the guardrail. Back in the ring, Koji goes for a dragon suplex, but Wright gets a foot on the bottom rope. Koji hits a top rope moonsault, but doesn't go for the pin. Wright lands a HARD German, but Koji kicks out at two. Wright with an elbow in the corner, a fallaway slam and a springboard splash for two. Koji and Wright dropkick each other at the same time, then Wright hits a flying body press for a two count. Koji with another jumping spin kick, a scoop slam and a twisting senton off the top. Alas, Wright kicks out at two. Wright hits a defensive dropkick as Koji flies off the top rope, then Wright hits a top rope dropkick off his own. Wright sets Koji up for a superplex, and he lands it. Koji kicks out at two. Koji snake eyes Wright on the turnbuckle and Koji goes for a simple bridging pin for the decisive three-count. Well, that was what it was, I guess. [** 3/4]

Sigh, I miss Bobby Heenan. And the trade war with Japan, strangely enough.

In the back, Mean Gene interviews Sonny Onoo, who says he's thinking about buying WCW and the entire state of Iowa. "This is America, everything is for sale!" he said. Man, I kinda' miss being paranoid over the Japanese. They're so much better villains than the Chinese, and definitely better ones than the Russians.

Now it's time for Masahiro Chono to take on Lex Luger which ... should be something alright. Say what you will about Lex, but his mid-90s WCW theme was fucking awesome no matter how you slice it. Also, LOL at Dusty being unable to pronounce "Masahiro." Luger with elbows early and a headlock. Chono gets dropped by a shoulder charge, then Lex press slams Chono look he's a little Japanese bitch and we all chortle. Chono hits spinning elbows off the ropes, then he hits Luger with a big boot. Luger rolls to the outside and takes his sweet time re-entering the ring. Chono goes for a test of strength, and Luger just kicks him and stomps the shit out of him in the corner. Chono hits a snap suplex, then it's his turn to stomp a motherfucker in the corner. Luger fires back with a million billion overhand rights, then Chono locks in another sleeperhold before hitting an inverted DDT. Now Chono is going for the STF. Luger, of course, gets a rope break. Chono hits Lex with an inverted atomic drop and another big boot. Luger hits Chono with defensive elbow strike, and Rhodes wants to know why Chono's sub-finisher is called "a mafia kick." This leads to a GREAT exchange where he and Rhodes start talking about Yugoslavian backbreakers and Bosnian elbows, and then Luger just hooks Chono up in the Torture Rack and he verbally submits like a bitch. FUCK YES FOR AMERICA. Yeah, it was a pretty underwhelming [**] bout, but at least the USA won, and Heenan had ample opportunities to make pseudo-racist jokes about soy sauce and sake in the process.

Now Mean Gene is interviewing Sting. Stings says he'd rather die than work for a Japanese person, and he says he's going to kick Kensuke Sasaki's ass at some indeterminate point in the future.

Our next bout is Johnny B. Badd (with Kimberly) taking on Masa Saito, who Rhodes keeps putting over as some sort of torture specialist. "All he wants to do is win and hurt people," Heenan said. LOL at Onoo grabbing the mic and saying Kimberly should be at home doing dishes. Then Kimberly emasculates him in front of everybody, and Masa just stands there in the corner, being fat, but the kind of fat you KNOW could kill you if it really wanted to. Saito with a hip toss, and he goes deadweight on a Badd armdrag attempt. Saito works a NASTY looking chinlock and slams Badd to the mat by his hair. Saito with a million billion chops, and Badd fires back with some pussy slaps of his own. Yeah, this ain't exactly Sasuke/Kobashi right here. Saito slams Badd head-first into the turnbuckle pad, then he starts choking Badd on the bottom rope. Now Onoo is choking Badd with the Japanese flag while the ref is distracted, that no-good piece of shit. Saito with a belly to back side suplex for a two-count. Onoo continues to do the evil, rule-breaking gook shtick on the outside and Saito appropriates Slavic culture with a Russian leg sweep. Badd with a knee to the jaw and he goes up top for a double axe handle. He goes up top again for a sunset flip, but it's only good for two. Badd drops Saito with a good combo and follows suit with a suplex for a o.5-count. Huh, don't see that one too often. Saito dumps Badd over the top rope, and that gets him disqualified. Badd hits him with a couple of dropkicks in the post-match antics, at one point COMPLETELY missing on a flipping senton to the outside, and the hard camera, thankfully, captures all of it for the world to see. Another subpar [**] match, but we've seen worse, for sure.

Tony S. asks Heenan how he could think New Japan would win the World Cup of Wrestling, and Rhodes responds by LITERALLY threatening to lynch his co-host like some sort of racist hate crime victim. Then Mean Gene interviews Lex Luger and Jimmy Hart in the back, and yeah, Luger doesn't really say anything important, as expected.

Now it's time for Shinjiro Ootani (that's how they spell it, don't get mad at me) taking on Eddie Guerrero. LOL at Bobby Heenan making a joke about Guerrero having to pay his phone bill a Taco Bell. I mean, it doesn't make any sense, but it's quasi racist, so it's funny by default. Also, LOL at Rhodes trying to pronounce "pivotal," but being totally unable to do so correctly. Eddie works a headlock early. Otani counters with a hammerlock and a hair takedown, that dirty Jap. Heenan says he think Otani is a better pound-for-pound wrestler, but that doesn't mean he's racist or nothing like that. Guerrero hits an enzuigiri and Otani takes a breather in the corner. Effie with a snapmare and a boot-over-the-face-twister thingy. Otani goes for a Boston Crab, but Guerrero counters it into a chinklock. Bobby makes a crack about auto racing, saying he could just as easily drink a six pack and watch cars go by on the interstate. Otani with a monkey flip, and Guerrero ripostes with a flying headscissors. Otani rolls to the outside and Sonny Onoo gives him some encouragement. Back in the ring, and Eddie G. hits a drop kick and a springboard senton. Guerero with a half crab and Otani struggles to get to the ropes. He gets a rope break, only for Guerrero to grab his ass and powerbomb him good for a two-count. Eddie hits a NASTY brainbuster, but Otani gets his ankle on the bottom rope. Guerrero with an avalanche clothesline in the corner, and Otani counters with a dropkick and springboard splash to the outside. Back in the ring and Otani hits another dropkick, while Tony S. makes oblique references to the Nashville Knights amateur hockey club. Goddamn, want an obscure referential point. Otani stomps on Guerrero's head for a little bit and locks in a rear naked choke, complete with the dreaded nostril stretch. Eddie fights out with elbows to the side and he counters with a side suplex. Just a two-count. Otani hits a great German suplex and another twisting leg drop off the top rope. Otani climbs the top rope again, only for Eddie to chase after him and hit a GREAT looking Frankensteiner. Alas, Otani, kicks out at two. Guerrero hits a PHAT crucifix bomb, but I'll be damned if Otani don't kick out of that, too. Otani gets a standing switch and locks Eddie into a straight kneebar. Guerrero gets a rope break, but Otani don't want to break the hold. Otani tumbles through the ropes and Eddie sams his ass into the metal guardrail, then Guerrero hits his ass with a flying springboard body splash. Yeah, take that, you Oriental motherfucker. Otani suplexes Guerrero back into the ring and hits Eddie with a springboard dropkick RIGHT to the back of the Hispanic nigga's head. Otani's looking for a dragon suplex, but Eddie counters with a Frankensteiner, then they do a whole bunch of reversals on the mat and Otani eventually puts Guerrero away with an out of nowhere roll-up. Well, that felt sudden as fuck, but overall, it was still an immensely entertaining little match — an easy [*** 1/2] effort from both men, in my book.

So New Japan has a 3-2 lead now. We throw it back to Mean Gene, who is interviewing Macho Man Randy Savage. Holy fuck, he just said "To infinity and beyond." Now that is some 1995 shit right there, for sure. FUCK, hey just made ANOTHER Toy Story reference. I don't know how Mean Gene keeps a straight face during all of this retardedness, but somehow, he does. Now that man was a goddamn professional, for sure.

Back to the ring, it's gonna' be Savage taking on TENZAN, who, as custom demands, comes out to the kinda' background music you'd expect to hear it an all-you-can-eat Japanese buffet. TENZAN comes out with both a bull mask and a mullet, while Savage comes out wearing rainbow pants and a good oversized hat. Man, wrestling is really, really silly. There's this one old bitch in the crowd wearing a Santa cap with "Macho Man" on it, that old whore. We've got your basic collar and elbow tie-up to begin, with some clinching shit in the corner. TENZAN with some chops and stomps. Hey, his pants are kinda' rainbow-patterned, too. And some people like to disparage 'rasslin as "gay," those ill-informed individuals. TENZAN works a side headlock, then he headbutts the shit out of Randy in the corner. Now TENZAN has a should clamp applied. That's one you don't see too often. TENZAN with a spinning kick off the ropes. So far, this has been a one-sided ass-kicking, through and through. TENZAN with Mongolian chops and a karate chop to the throat. Randy rolls to the outside and TENZAN slams his noggin into the metal post. Back in the ring and TENZAN drops Savage with a Samoan drop. TENZAN with a flying headbutt, but Randy kicks out at two. Savage has had virtually NO offense in this match thus far. TENZAN goes for the moonsault, but Randy rolls out of the way at the last second. Randy yanks TENZAN over the top rope and then he hits the flying elbow off the top rope and yep, that's the match. Well fuck, that was mediocre as a motherfucker — Randy literally got his ass kicked the entire match for eight minutes, hit one offensive manuever and got the three-count. A meh [**] match at best, but I've seen worse, I suppose.

Yep, that's just about the most random assortment of talent you'll ever see in one wrestling ring at once.

So it's tied 3-3 between WCW and New Japan, while Bobby Heenan does some slapstick stuff with a chair. We go to the back with Mean Gene and Ric Flair, who reminds the audience to "be the man," they do indeed have to  "beat the man." Then he says something about Dolly Parton, whom he HAD to have fucked at some point in the '80s, for sure. 

Now it's time for Kensuki Sasaki (hey, that's the way they spell it on screen) taking on Sting to determine which promotion is taking home the coveted WORLD CUP OF WRESTLING. Sting, of course, comes out waving the American flag, because FUCK JAPAN, that's why. Also, I totally forgot how much Sting's theme music sounded like "Scream Until You Like It" by WASP, which is weird is fuck. Just like the Japanese, Sasaki Pearl Harbors Sting at the bell. Sasaki with a chinlock and Sting fires back with karate chops galore. STINGER SPLASH YOU SONOFABITCH. Sasaki with a clothesline and Sting hits a dropkick. Sting clotheslines Saski over the top rope (shouldn't that be a disqualification, by the way?) and Sonny Onoo points at Sting a whole lot. Sasaki hits a PHAT power slam and a goddamn LETHAL looking brain buster that sand bagged Stinger's neck into sawdust. The fans chant "USA" while Sasaki works the arm. Heenan makes yet another joke about the Japanese putting sake into the World Cup of Wrestling. Sasaki with an armdrag takeover and now he's going for a Scorpion Deathlock. Sting, of course, powers out of it, only to get dragon screw leg whipped. Then Sting hits an enzuigiri, a clothesline and a bulldog and the fans go FUCKING CRAZY when he tries to lock in the Scorpion Deathlock. He's got it in the middle of the ring and SASAKI SUBMITS. EAT SHIT JAPAN, AMERICA WINS AGAIN. All of the faces come out to celebrate with the Stinger, including at least one guy who is actually Canadian and another I'm pretty sure is German, but what the hell ever. A pretty ho-hum [** 1/4] match overall, but at least the crowd was fucking HOT for that finish.

In the post-match, there's a miniature cup celebration, with Mean Gene stating that he hopes this becomes an annual tradition (by the way, they never did it again after this PPV, so yeah, tits to that.) So now, we've got a vignette setting up a triangle match between Lex Luger, Ric Flair and Sting, with the winner taking on Randy Savage for the WCW title immediately afterwards. Alright, so all three men are in the ring now, so let's get the shenanigans going, why don't we? Tony S. makes a joke about listening to Charlie Daniels, and there's some sort of convoluted rule set-up where they have to flip a coin to determine which two men start off the match, with the odd man out forced to stand on the apron like it was a tag match or something. Wow, that is really, really stupid. So it's Sting and Flair to begin. He hits a gorilla press slam and clothesline for a two-count. Flair rolls to the outside, takes a breather and re-enters the ring. He ties Sting up with a hammerlock, using the ropes for leverage, obviously. Flair with chops in the corner and another hammerlock. Man, this shit is rest-hold-a-riffic, really. Now Sting is doing the Fargo Strut before hip tossing Flair and drop kicking his ass good. Sting with another gorilla press slam and the old ten-count punch in the corner. Sting with another bulldog and Flair rolls to the outside. Sting gets launched backfirst into the guardrail, but he no sells it. LOL at Dusty mishearing "rush of adrenaline" as "Russian agenda." Rhodes says he's never heard the term "playing possum" before while Flair punches Sting in the head a couple of times. Sting gets tossed over the top rope while the ref's back is turned, and Ric punches the dogshit out of Sting as many times as he can get away with and it's great. Back in the ring and Flair hits Sting with a knee drop. Sting keeps kicking out of Flair's myriad attempts at a cheap pin, though. Flair with some running punts to Sting's ribs off the ropes.

So Sting keeps punching on Flair some more, but Ric rakes the eyes, because he’s the dirtiest player in the game and whatnot. Sting hits a superplex, but Lex kinda’ sorta’ breaks up the pin, but not really.  Luger gets tagged in (like I was saying earlier, the rules here are just god awful) and Flair starts heading to the back. So Luger potato bags his old ass back into the ring and it appears that Bobby’s microphone has gone out. Lex hits a couple of shoulder charges, then he gorilla press slams him again. Luger feeds Flair eight knuckle sandwiches in the corner, and that’s our cue for the FLAIR FLOP. Luger goes for a pin, but Ric kicks out at two. Flair stops Luger’s offensive putsch with an eye poke, then he clips Luger’s knee from behind. Now Flair is just stomping’ away on that knee, that old ruffian. The ref is distracted, so Ric rolls to the outside, grabs a chair and waffles Lex’s leg real good. Flair hits Luger right in the balls while he’s setting up the Figure Four. And yep, he’s got it applied. Of course, Flair being Flair, he uses the ropes for leverage like a real mofo. Luger, of course, turns the Figure Four over, which, by pro wrestling physiology, automatically reverses all of the pain to the other guy, for reasons. Flair gets launched off the top rope (as per tradition) and then he tags Sting in. Of course, rather than tag Flair back in, Sting decides to do the honorable thing and rassle his best buddy Lex anyway. Then Tony S. makes a bizarre joke about a nine-year-old Japanese girl asking for the keys to a Lexus, as Lex and Sting just keep circling each other over and over again like Ken Shamrock and Dan Severn at UFC 9. Sting gives Lex a clean break in the corner and the crowd boos, for some reason. Lex starts stomping Sting like crazy in the corner, then Sting mounts a comeback, complete with a series of clotheslines and Luger begging for a timeout in the corner. “It really looks like they don’t know what to do with each other,” Bobby comments. Luger drops Sting chest-first on the top rope, then he starts stomping his neck with his boots. Sting punches Luger in the midsection on the outside, then he hits a flying crossbody back in the ring. Just a two-count. Sting with a scoop slam, but Luger gets his knees up on the attempted aerial maneuver. Now Luger is dropping a million-billion elbows. Now Sting is mounting his third or fourth wind in this match, as he goes for the Scorpion Deathlock. Luger hits Sting in the balls and Bobby blames it all on mere reflexes. Luger with another atomic drop, and Sting gets just a two on the roll-up attempt. Sting goes for a sunset flip, but Lex kicks out of that at two, as well. Sting hits a bulldog and a Stinger Splash in the corner, but he whiffs on the second attempt and Lex puts him in the Torture Rack … only for Ric to push the ref out of the way and hit Luger in the balls. LOL, this man is a national treasure. Now the referee is administering a double countout, with Luger holding Sting’s arm so he can’t re-enter the fray. And yep, that leads to Ric winning a triple threat match by fuckin’ countout, which has to be one of the flukiest things that’s ever happened in WCW. And considering it’s WCW we’re talking about here, I assure you that covers a LOT of territory.

Then Jimmy Hart comes out and gives Flair a shoulder rub while awaiting Savage’s entrance for our main event match-up. Michael Buffer asks the Nashville crowd if they are ready to rumble, and they let him know that, indeed, they are adequately prepared to do precisely that. Of course, Buffer manages to sneak in a Slim Jim reference during Randy’s intro, which makes me sad WCW didn’t make it until at least 2002, because you just KNOW he would’ve given us a Bonesaw reference at some point. So the bell rings and Macho Man goes for a backslide right out the gate. He throws his neon green shirt at Flair and there’s a tie-up in the corner. Flair with chops, and Randy retaliates with a whole bunch’ right hands. For some reason, Paul Orndorf comes out wearing a neck brace and looking like he just accidentally swallowed somebody else’ semen. Flair with an atomic drop and he goes for the Figure Four. Randy kicks him off and Flair gets dumped to the outside. Savage goes for a flying axe handle, but Ric catches him with a fist to the gut. Now Flair is chopping DA SHIT out of Randy against the guardrail. Then Jimmy Hart gets a quick punt to the stomach while the ref’s back is turned, and Bobby makes a snide comment about some old woman sitting in the front row. Back in the ring and Ric applies a hammerlock. Flair with some knee drops, then he locks in a sleeperhold. Randy ripostes with a right hand and ALMOST gets the win in the biggest show of the year with a fuckin’ punch. Ric gets backdropped, Randy hits some clotheslines. Flair grabs Jimmy’s megaphone, but Randy steals it from him and conks him over the noggin with it while the ref’s back is turned. Flair, of course, juices like crazy and there’s this weird spot where it looks like Flair is going to get back up, but he kinda’ flops back down like he realized “Oh shit, that’s not the finish,” then Randy hits his patented flying elbow, but uh-oh, here comes “Loose Cannon” Brian Pillman to interfere, which of course, draws in Benoit and the rest of the Horsemen, too. So Arn coldcocks Randy, and that gives Ric Flair (now sporting at least an 8 on the Muta Scale) the opportunity to hop on Savage’s carcass for the opportunistic pinball. That’s World Championship win No. 12, in case you were wondering. In the post-bout tomfoolery, Pillman literally slaps Randy like a runaway slave with the championship belt as the theme from 2001 plays, which let’s face it, is the way EVERY PPV ought to end. 

Remember — it ain't Christmas 'til Ric Flair is bleedin' all over somethin'.

Well, if you merge the last two matches together (which, for the sake of continuity, you pretty much have to), I’d surmise that main event was probably in the [***] range, if only for Flair’s more than impressive assholery throughout both match-ups. All in all, though, I’d feel pretty comfortable describing this one as one of the lesser ‘Cades over the years, which is actually pretty surprising considering the glut of all-time, world-class talent on the card. 

As the norm with these home video releases, quite a few matches got excised from the original PPV feed. Apparently, the thing opened with an American Males vs. Blue Bloods tag contest, and weirdly enough, the show technically concluded with One Man Gang, of all people, beating Kensuke Sasaki for the WCW U.S. Championship. Naturally, I doubt we’re missing and five star masterpieces there, although I am quite curious as to what the bizarre show closer resembled. Oh wait, I just found it on YouTube and the whole thing is less than two minutes long — talk about weird.

Now, you may have noticed something fairly unusual about the broadcast — namely, the fact that, despite it being the biggest show of the year for the company, WCW’s biggest star, Hulk Hogan, wasn’t present. In kayfabe, I think he was suspended for trying to murder the Big Show at Halloween Havoc, but in real life, I’m not entirely sure what he was doing. Of course, you can do the match and figure out this was a good six months before the NWO angle set the ‘rasslin world on fire, and at this point, you could definitely see WCW floundering and in dire need of something new and reinvigorating. There’s a few good matches on the card, but nothing truly extraordinary — ultimately, it felt like three or four episodes of Nitro glued together, with nothing even remotely screaming “THIS IS OUR BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR, PLEASE CONSIDER US AS LEGITIMATE AND SHIT.” 

In the grand pantheon of Starrcades, this one is definitely in the bottom quartile. It’s probably better than the 1991, 1994 and the 2000 events, but it certainly don’t come anywhere close to matching the old school greatness of the ‘92, ‘89 and ‘88 shows, and there ain’t no use in trying to convince ourselves otherwise.

Still, it’s mid-90s WCW, and as generic as it feels at sometimes, it’s still entertaining and it’s still comfy as fuck. I mean, as forgettable as most of the show is, it STILL ends with Ric Flair juicing like a motherfucker and bleeding all over Tennessee, which, really, ought to be a seasonal rite on par with Frosty the Snowman and the first Silent Night, Deadly Night movie, shouldn’t it?