Showing posts with label Gay. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gay. Show all posts

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Double Review: Shaft / Annablle Comes Home (2019)

Both were duds at the summertime box office, but do either films give you a reason to trek ‘em down at your neighborhood repository theaters?

Thursday, July 4, 2019

Sunday, February 17, 2019

This Week In Social Justice Warrior-Dom (Feb. 18, 2019 Edition)

Trigger warning activated! Our biweekly recap of everything that irked, irritated and aggravated SJWs is back with a vengeance!



Saturday, August 18, 2018

2018 Southern Fried Gaming Expo BLOWOUT! (Part Two — The Pinball Games!)

At long last, we finally get around to checking out the pinball games at Atlanta's dandiest celebration of all things old-school coin-op entertainment!


By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com

 OK, it took me a little longer to wrap up our (already three-month) late retrospective on the 2018 Southern Fried Gaming Expo but trust me, folks, the wait was well worth it. 

 Well, probably not, but still, there was plenty of great pinball-themed nonsense to soak up, and I am more than happy to share that silverball joy with you today in photographic essay form.

 So how about we do away with the needless pleasantries and hop right into the proverbial sack of discourse, why don't we? Yeah, I didn't think this encounter with the coin-operated relics of yesteryear would be considered nonconsensual, neither ...


Grand Lizard!

That backboard art is pretty much everything I love in life in one piece of kitschy, ephemeral art. Lotsa' bright, pastel colors? Check. Half-nekkid people wielding comically-oversized, highly impractical weapons? Check. A giant frog monster who looks like his head was resized by about half a week before the first prototypes went into production. You better goddamn check that one off the list, fella'.


I suppose the general theme of Grand Lizard is pretty generic — ultimately, it's just another by-the-numbers Conan The Barbarian/Dungeons and Dragons wannabe generic sword and sandal fantasy table, and it's not like there aren't enough of those out there in pinball-land as it is. Still, it's a pretty decent looking unit, I suppose, with some pretty interesting aesthetics. By the way, have you spotted the baboon yet?

Of course, the most noteworthy thing about the table — besides the fact its namesake sounds astonishingly similar to a title in the Ku Klux Klan — is the eponymous "Grand Lizard" situated near the top of the playing field. Granted, Father Time has taken its tool on the Grand Lizard on this particular set, to the point the prop looks more like a weather-beaten frog than a Satanic serpent. Oh well ... at least the tongue ball chute still looks fairly intact.

Raven!

Yeah, I'm just gonna' go on ahead and assume that isn't the pinball unit's original backboard art. For the curious, here's what that is supposed to look like. Sorry, guy, but you just ain't gonna' beat some glorious, 1980s B-movie box art-caliber graphic design like that, that's for damned sure.

As you can no doubt see for yourself, the playing field for Raven is pretty basic. For a mid-1980s unit, this is actually astonishingly minimalistic, with those plastic Fallopian tube ramps more or less the only distinct mechanical feature of the table. We all know the 1980s was a time that wholeheartedly embraced style over substance, but shit, even by Decade of Decadence standards this stuff just comes off as brazenly half-assed.

You know, as ubiquitous as the whole female Rambo archetype was in the 1980s, for the life of me I have no idea which text or character the trope comes from. I mean, you've got that one Hispanic chick from Aliens, but beyond that, I can't think of a single militarized femme from that epoch's pop cultural landscape. Hell, for all we know, Raven got the whole ball rolling and has yet to receive its due credit 30-plus years later; personally, I'm just mad we never got a G.I. Jane board, complete with a barracks rape scene multi-ball mode.

Star Trek!

 I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of Star Trek, but even I have to admit this is a pretty groovy little unit. It's a rare table that's able to pull off the whole "retro" aesthetic without coming off as desperately nostalgic, which is EXACTLY the words I'd use to describe most of the "old school" obsessed modern pinball units that are getting churned out these days. 

Here's a board that demonstrates why the "less is more" approach is always a smart one to pursue when it comes to pinball table design. The bottom half of the board is pretty-clutter flee, with pretty much the entire space reserved for some truly lovely table art. The color palette here is just fantastic, with the oranges and blues just beautifully fading into the blackness of "space" towards the top half of the unit.

There's nothing truly remarkable about the gameplay Star Trek offers, but it's nonetheless a solid pinball experience overall. All of the obstacles are spaced out pretty evenly, and the sound effects are just superb. It's far from being a candidate for best licensed table ever, but it's certainly one of the more underappreciated tables from the time frame ... and I certainly much prefer it to the Next Generation table that's more widely celebrated by seemingly everybody except for myself.


Paragon!

 You know, pretty much the only time I ever hear the word "Paragon" is in conjunction with the phrase "paragon of virtue," and as obvious by table's backboard art, that's probably not what this unit is about. I suppose the R-rated sword and sorcery fantasy novel artwork speaks for itself. Part 1970s Budweiser art and part Napoleon Dynamite drawing, there's a lot of things you can call this display, but assuredly, "boring" isn't one of the descriptors likely to pass your lips.


While I find the table art on this one interesting, I can't exactly say I find it all that interesting or impressive. Granted, whoever designed it had talent, but the whole thing is laid out in such a pell-mell manner, like a 14-year-old really into Game of Thrones was asked to design a slot machine or something. And like I'm going to give a fuck about that extra flipper when you put a damn tiger-lizard-eagle-person right next to the ball drain. Jeez, talk about cannibalizing your own product features, no?

So yeah, Paragon, unfortunately, is a pretty forgettable little table with a theme that feels like it could've been lifted from about 15 or 20 of its contemporaries. Which ... much like the chimera that's plastered all over this motherfucker, whose name I can only assume is literallly "Paragon" ... shows the aesthetic and mechanical shortfalls of commercial hybridization in full.


Time Warp!

 This board is literally the Frankenstein's monster of pinball tables. I can almost assure you the guys at Williams came up with this one by simply looking at all of their abandoned projects and leftover props and saying "fuck it, might as well mass produce something with all this shit." And I assure you, that steadfast dedication to quality product is glaringly apparent with the table itself just as much as it is with this woefully uninspired backboard art.

I mean, pardon my language, but what the shit-ass-fuck is supposed to be going on here? You've got glowing pyramids and dinosaurs and some dude with a mustache trying to grab a bunch of planets like a homosexual version of Galactus, and I'm still not sure what half of the stuff up top is supposed to be. What is that above the astronaut, anyway ... a fucking German soldier from World War I?

A lot of these older boards tried desperately to create a sort of countercultural vibe, but this one just comes off as hopelessly cluttered and insincere. Like, even if you were into Blue Oyster Cult and retarded metaphysical shit, would one look at this crap even for half a second make you stop and think about dropping a quarter or two in the coin slot? Let's face it: the "intended" target for this one wouldn't have even bothered stamping out their rat-weed-filled cigarettes to even look at this one.

Gold Wings!

 Yep. This board clearly wasn't trying to capitalize on the success of any popular Tom Cruise movies involving fighter jets and shit. While hilariously awful attempts to mimic actual I.P.s is nothing new in the pinball world, this has to be one of the most shameful ripoffs I've ever seen in the medium ... and considering that includes Hollywood Heat, that's fuckin' saying something.

But really, outside of the sheer novelty of playing a very unlicensed Top Gun pinball game, there's just not a lot to talk about here at all. The artwork is pretty humdrum, the mechanical features are about as basic as it gets and the overall design is just painfully bland. Unless you really have a hard-on for the blue and grey color scheme, you're probably not going to get much out of this experience whatsoever.

Still, you have to give Gottlieb a little bit of credit for thinking way outside the box when it came time to crib lines from the movie. Pretty much anybody else would've found a way to put "I feel the need for speed" somewhere on the table, but they instead opted for a bumper referencing a solitary line of dialogue about the perils of "jet wash." Shit, if these guys were given the go-ahead to make a Ninja Turtles pinball game, they'd probably eschew the "Cowabungas!" and "Radicals" for a little speed bump reading "pork rind?"

Mousin' Around!

 At first glance, I thought this was a table modeled after Mouse Trap. But considering Mouse Trap didn't have any creepy, sexualized mice with humongous rat tits nor fat dudes chomping on cigars on the game board, I soon learned the error of my ways.


I can't be the only person who gets a weird Chuck E. Cheese vibe from this one. I mean, this thing looks like the interior of a Chuck E. Cheese, right down to the clashing blue and red color scheme and plastic shit all over the place. The only thing missing, really, is an obstacle modeled after the shitty pizza and black parents punching the hell out of one another next to the ball pit. 

Not that you really need me to tell you this, but this is a pretty forgettable pinball unit. The overall gimmick is uninteresting, the artwork is just kind of meh and the overall gameplay is quite mediocre. It's playable and I suppose it has a little bit of charm, but on the other side of the token, I can also easily see why this one never became an arcade staple.


Congo!

 Man, finding this thing made the entire show worth it. Granted, I'm not the biggest Congo fan out there (in fact, I don't think I've even seen the movie all the way through), but just the fact that a pinball game was made as a monument to the film makes me all kinds of giddy.

And to be fair, even if the game wasn't based on a movie about killer monkeys, it'd still make for a well above average pinball unit for the mid-1990s. The artwork is great, and the design is just top notch. It's complex without being too cluttered, and they actually had the gumption to build the artwork into the obstacles instead of trying to build the obstacles around the artwork ... an engineering mishap that many a pinball designed made back in the day, as evident by the existence of Waterworld.

So yeah, they kind of ripped off Creature from the Black Lagoon here, but hey, if it works, it works. It's not technically a hologram, nor does a giant monkey hop out of it (which is a huge disappointment, obviously), but it does have quite a bit of stuff going on underneath it. It's hard to describe, but once you see it in motion, you'll be like "Oh, OK, I get it. That's not that cool, but it's kinda' cool, I guess." Which, for 1995 consumer standards, nearly constituted a ringing endorsement.

Meteor!

 What the shit-fuck is supposed to be going on here? The first time I looked at this backboard art, I actually struggled to determine what I was looking at for a few seconds. That has to be one of the worst uses of a pink-on-blue color scheme in the history of anything ever. Artwork this fugly, in my humblest of opinions, simply shouldn't exist outside of early 1990s Trapper Keeper binders.

You know, if somebody asked you to dream up the most generic 1980s pinball theme you could think of just as a larf, I'm pretty sure this is what 99 percent of the American populace would see in their reveries. I mean, it's just so devoid of personality, or really, any distinguishing characteristics whatsoever. This is the kind of pinball game you'd play at a hole in the wall restaurant once on a road trip and never think of again for the rest of your life ... hell, even if you DID actually play this game at a hole in the wall restaurant once on a road trip, you probably STILL don't remember it even after I reminded you. THAT is how forgettable this game is, really.

At first glance, I wouldn't even think this was a pinball game. To me, it looks more like some cruddy 1980s toy set, or maybe the front page of a spiral bound notebook they had on sale at the dollar store. I really can't say this is one of the worst pinball games I've ever played, but I can certainly say it's a strong contender for least memorable pinball game I've ever played. Shit, I already forgot the name of this fucker and it's only been, what, three paragraphs now?

Eight Ball Champ!

 I could've sword I played a variation of this game, only instead of a bunch of dapper-looking British chaps on the backboard, it was some meth-head Marlboro Man wannabe with some skanky barmaid in the background. And no, it wasn't the one with the unauthorized Fonzie, either.

Speaking of generic table designs, shit, do you think they could've found a way to make this one less traitless? I mean, the whole table artwork design is basically a facsimile of an actual billiards table, albeit with a few blinking lights here and there. I mean, that's like being commissioned to make a football-themed pinball table and painting the whole table like an actual football field. I mean, how stupid would that look and shit?

It just dawned on me how common the phrase "shoot again" was on some of these older units. Was that an official catchphrase for Bally Midway, or was it just so ingrained in the pinball vernacular that it was kind of like saying "the end" before the credits on a movie started rolling? I'm just surprised that a grand total of zero concerned parents groups ever accused the industry of promoting teen suicide. Shit, if Ozzy or that queer fella' from Judas Priest would've said "shoot again" in the outro to any of their songs, I promise you at least one lawsuit would've come out of it.

Road Kings!

And we close out the 2018 expo with the best. Well, actually, that's a bold-faced lie. Road Kings probably isn't the "best" of anything, but it WAS perhaps the most interesting unit I found at the show, and something I had never heard of (or seen) prior.

Part Mad Max, part Knight Riders (not the TV show, that one movie directed by George Romero) and all homoeroticism, Road Kings is the leather bondage fetish post-apocalypse Road Rash in pinball form we never knew we wanted, and the execution is thankfully every bit as awe-inspiring as the premise itself. I mean, a full QUARTER of the playing field is taken up by a giant steampunk penis ... if that doesn't tell you we're in store for all sorts of greatness, I don't know what does.

In a way, Road Kings epitomizes everything that's great about pinball ephemera. It's kitschy, it's kooky, it's outdated, it feels shamelessly capitalistic and just wallows in the low-culture of its own existence like a pig rolling gleefully in its own dookie. More than a bizarre tribute to the norms and folkways of yesteryear, this thing truly does represent a type of commoner's art, a sort of weird cultural artifact demonstrating what the masses of 1986 thought was socially appealing. And color me tinkled pink that even then, knee deep in the Reagan Years, arcade amusement targeting juvenile audiences was THIS enamored by the idea of commercialized machismo. Thank goodness that nonsense stopped being part and parcel of contemporary gaming culture, right?


...looks like I stand goddamn corrected, after all. 

Monday, November 20, 2017

This Week in Social Justice Warrior-Dom (Nov. 20th, 2017 Edition)

Trigger warning activated! Our biweekly recap of everything that irked, irritated and aggravated SJWs is back with a vengeance!


By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX
When's a hate crime not a hate crime?

On Nov. 5, Devin Patrick Kelley walked into the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas and opened fire, ultimately killing 26 people before apparently committing suicide offsite roughly an hour or so later. Official investigators have since given the public little information on the perpetrator and his motives - you know, as if anyone could ever have a halfway decent excuse for murdering two dozen innocent people. Alas, that hasn't stopped the media from rattling their sabers (which I presume are of the safety-tipped variety) and blaming the mass shooting on - what else - too little gun control legislation. 

 Now this is a drastic, drastic turnaround from the last major church shooting in these United States - Dylann Roof's rampage in Charleston, S.C. in 2015. There, the media - for what may be the first time in history - completely abandoned its anti-gun jihad and homed in on an entirely different scapegoat ... that, of course, being the gunman's unabashed racism. Instead of blaming easy access to weapons as the catalyst for the shooting that killed nine black worshipers, the media pinned the blame on white supremacy, the poisonous, rancorous, rebel-flag-clad ideology that pushed Roof and his stupid bowl cut haircut to exact bloody, hyper-ethnocentrist revengeance on the colored folks. Despite that "official" narrative, the media has yet to explain how Roof could be such a psychotic, hate-driven nigger-hater that his best friend was African-American, nor have they made much of a peep about the reams of evidence that suggest Roof actually meant to target a nearby college but shot up the church as a plan B once he realized security was too tight, but - asides, surely.

 Considering the media's foaming, incensed reaction to Roof's hate crime (for which he will receive the death penalty, making him the first person in U.S. history to ever get executed under such a federal law), it's a little, I don't know, suspicious that the very same media that was so quick to blame white rage on the Charleston, S.C. massacre have said absolutely nothing about Kelley's rampage being an equally hate-driven killing spree. As stated earlier, there's no official police line on Kelley's "motives," but there's enough verified details floating around out there on the Internet to STRONGLY suggest that Kelley's rampage was indeed an act of anti-Christian terrorism.

 Before the scourge of Social Justice Warrior-dom manifest itself in the wake of the Trayvon Martin shooting, it seemed like the great liberal counterpunch in the post-W. neoconservative culture war was going to be the atheist voting bloc. In the late 2000s and early 2010s, democratic atheism was far and away the most popular anti-conservative Internet movement in America. It was a default subreddit on the Reddit homepage, movies like Religulous were raking in beaucoup bucks and TV shows like South Park, Family Guy and Penn & Teller: Bullshit! were all espousing the new (anti) gospels to the masses. Even the definitive conspiracy theorist tract of our generation, Zeitgeist, begins with a 30-minute long fuck you to Christianity. The problem, of course, is that the vanguard of American atheism - The Amazing Atheist, Seth McFarlane, Bill Maher, Sam Harris, etc. - aren't exactly the most inclusive of spokespeople. Indeed, atheism was such an overwhelmingly white male phenomenon that it actually became a road block for the Democratic Party, seeing as how both women and people of color tend to be much more religious than honky men. And from there, liberals abandoned atheism for their own state religion - an impossibly syncretic voodoo offshoot combining feminism, gay pride, black power politics and any and all counter-Christian mythologies and folklore into a veritable jambalaya of politically correct nonsense, which - irony of ironies - posits the very same people who made up the bulk of the democratic reactionary atheism movement as evil incarnate.

 When it comes to this Kelley shooter, there are two concrete knowns at this point. Number one, despite being dishonorably discharged from the military and racking up a domestic abuse arrest, he was still able to purchase a couple of guns - simply because the U.S. military bureaucracy forgot to relay his criminal past to the federal agency in charge of gun background checks (well, so much for that constant liberal refrain being a deterrent to mass shootings, eh?) And secondly - and this is the aspect the media has been deafeningly mum about - he was an ardent atheist. This account from The Sun does a pretty good job summing up the gunman's irreligious beliefs:

Hmm ... so a vehement, militant atheist just so happens to go on a mass murder spree, and the venue he selects for his lethal rampage just so happens to be a Baptist church on Sunday morning. Well shit, I reckon we can all agree, it's just coincidental. You know, the same way Skinheads just so happen to burn down black churches or radical Muslims just so happen to fire bomb synagogues.

And rather than perhaps fess up that the media-entertainment-industrial complex's foaming, festering resentment of all things Christian in modern society just might have been a contributing factor to the deaths of 26 innocent people, the liberal powers that be used the massacre to continue to mock Christians for their morals, virtues and beliefs.

Egotistical C-actor Wil Wheaton - yep, that annoying little queef from The Curse - took to Twitter to lambaste Paul Ryan, stating "the murdered victims were in a church. If prayers did anything, they'd still be alive, you worthless sack of shit." Strangely, I can't imagine Wheaton ever telling a gaggle of Jews, Sikhs or Muslims going through a tragedy that their prayers are fucking worthless, but then again, this Wheaton pussy fart probably also thinks criminal background checks would've thwarted the shooting ... which, uh, it totally didn't.


You kinda' have to wonder what "epidemic" Middler's talking about, seeing as how the number of mass shooting incidents in he U.S. last year was actually a quarter lower than the number of mass shootings in 1998 and only half the number of such mass shootings in 1992. Furthermore, you kinda' have to wonder what the N.R.A. has to do with the roughly 40 percent of gun violence that stems from weapons illegally procured through drug dealers, the black market or just flat out stolen from homes and businesses ... a slice of the national firearms crimes pie that a.) is twenty times larger than the number of crimes committed by individuals who bought weapons at gun shows and b.) completely impossible to legislate because the actions are in and of themselves crimes already. And boy, if that blew her mind, I can only imagine what's she going to (not) do when finds out three-quarters of all mass shootings in the U.S. are, well ... committed by black folks.

Leave it to Wall Street Journal writer Bill McGurn to offer seemingly the only contrarian take on the mass shooting. On an episode of Fox & Friends, he tore into politicians and celebrities who belittled individuals who offered "thoughts and prayers" to the victims of tragedies. "In fact, in this they seem to have more in common with the shooter who, from the reports, sort of a militant atheist on Facebook, and talking about how stupid churchgoers were," McGurn said. "I thought no one could outdo the NFL players in stupidity - just alienating the people who pay their salaries - but watching these tweets, it's just incredible."

I'll have to correct you Bill - those celebrities attacking "thoughts and prayers" aren't like the Texas church shooter, they're the exact same kind of people, individuals whose blinding, slobbery-mouthed vehemence of Christianity effectively reduces its adherents to subhuman scum. Alas, we'll see if the feds ever turn the massacre into a hate crime investigation - not that the mainstream media would ever accept it as a legitimate act of religious persecution, since that requires them to acknowledge Christians have the inherent right to exist. 

Which, as apparent by the media coverage and reaction to the shooting, is something I wouldn't expect in a million years.

Louis C.K. admits to forcing women to watch him masturbate

 Me and my girlfriend tried to watch a Louis C.K. special a few years back and about 20 minutes in, we both decided to nope our ways on out. The point of no return was when the "comedian" told a joke about finding the corpse of a child in the wilderness and having sex with it. "Who in the hell thinks that's funny?" my other of significance asked. That's the same question I had, as my morbid curiosity compelled me to stomach my way through the rest of Louis' painfully unfunny and painfully creepy set, which concluded with a real rib tickler about Louis intently watching his daughter's butthole while she took a dump. It was around that point that I knew this fucker wasn't right in the head, and now, my suspicions have been more then validated. In early November, news broke that five women had accused C.K. of sexually harassing them. And by "harassing" them, I mean he literally pulled his penis out on front of them and started jerking his chicken right then and there on their shoes. In a feeble, desperate attempt at damage control, C.K. - who, despite being one-third Jewish and one-third Mexican, has made a career out of self-disparaging "anti-white" humor - issued the following mea culpa:
"These stories are true. At the time, I said to myself that what I did was okay because I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is also true. But what I learned later in life, too late, is that when you have power over another person, asking them to look at your dick isn't a question. It's a predicament for them. The power I had over these women is that they admired me. And I wielded that power irresponsibly."
Alas, apologies for dick whipping aside, the devastation has already been done. A movie just days away from release directed by C.K. has been dropped by its distributors, and considering how toxic the Louis name is in Hollywood right now, it's pretty much a given that he's going to be blacklisted for at least a couple of more years. That said, with rumors about Louis' now-confirmed-sex-criminal behavior floating around for years, what exactly kept sycophants like Rolling Stone - whose own 2012 hagiography referred to him as "The Jerk Off Genius" - and Jon Stewart from spilling the beans they almost assuredly knew about? Eh - something tells me it just wasn't because they wanted a sequel to Pootie Tang to roll around someday ...
The mass media lies like a rug to make you think Donald Trump doesn't know how to feed koi 

During Donald Trump's whirlwind tour of Asia earlier this month, the media positively devoured "news" that the President of the United States - in typical, buffoonish "Drumpf" behavior - dumped an entire box of fish feed into a koi pond while visiting Japanese Prime Minster (and hardline World War II atrocity denier) Shinzo Abe. A CNN write-up of the incident declared Trump's gaffe "a grand gesture met with some laughter," while CBS News called it an episode that took the state visit "from formal to fishy," and a sight that "drew smiles and chuckles" from Trump's gobsmacked hosts. Meanwhile, the Twitter accounts for TrivWorks and CNN anchor Brian Fallon immediately seized the opportunity to compare Trump's behavior to Obama's, clearly implying that Donald's predecessor was the far more presidential of the two. Alas, there's just one tiny, teeny complication to the story here: chiefly, the fact that Abe dumped all of his fish food out first and Trump was merely imitating his gesture. Indeed, if you go back and re-read those first two CNN and CBS News accounts, you'll note that the authors - damn near at the bottom of their respective stories - noted that Abe did empty his koi feed bucket first (with the CBS one declaring Abe apparently seemed to do that, despite their being ample visual proof), but the bulk of their stories and selectively edited videos - complete with subbed in cartoon music! - don't just imply, but matter of factly declare Trump's actions were the result of his own ignorance and cultural incompetence.  Of course, that begs the question - if the mainstream media would go that far to manipulate its readers into thinking Trump's too stupid to feed fish, just how much more chicanery is going in on their coverage of news that actually matters?

Newsweek asks: why is the alt-right so prejudiced against pedophiles?

 On Oct. 30, students at Columbia University protesting a Mike Cernovich speech were photographed carrying a banner reading "no white supremacy, no pedo-bashers, no Mike Cernovich." Now, according to the person who allegedly snapped the photograph, the people holding the banners weren't Antifa crusaders at all, but subterfuge alt-righters trying to play a massive, Tom Green-like prank on the university's hyper-liberal foot soldiers. Now, as for proof that this is indeed the case, alleged photog Jake Offenhartz has supplied the following supplemental visual evidence: absolutely nothing. Still, that didn't prevent Newsweek from running with Offenhartz's account of the events, stately matter of factly that the banner-carrying "anti-fascists" were actually incognito Donald Trump supporters who hate black people in an article that goes on to conflate the incident with that one time an armed dude went into Comet Ping Pong pizza and Milo Y.'s self-admitted underage homo-activity. The author of the story, Alexander Narzaryan (who, as an aside, looks like he's jacked off to loli hentai a couple of times in his life) later hypothetically mulls why right-of-center folks - in particular, the followers of Alex Jones - are so horrified by the idea of kid diddling, ultimately concluding the treatise with the oh so academic rejoinder "he who smelt it, dealt it." Get it, because he's accusing the people with a fervid hatred of pedophilia of being pedophiles themselves? Of course, considering ultra-liberal Hollywood's none-too-secret pedo problem - not to mention the fact that one of the Democratic Party's biggest financiers is a CONVICTED pedo - one would perhaps think that these anti-pedophile sentiments and concerns of politician-pederast wheeling and dealing might be realistically rooted. This is doubly true considering leftist shit rags like Salon have recently peddled pedophile apologia to the masses, including this 2016 article that declared "this pedophile is not a monster" - which has since been deleted from the website, although the original Twitter post remains for all to bear and witness. And maybe they have good reason to be worried about liberals when ideological torchbearers like The Huffington Post, the New York Times and Vice are all publishing stories that seek to place pedophiles in more favorable lights, if not outright advocate for - you guessed it - public acceptance for non-offender pedos. Of course, Newsweek's framing of the article puts them in a treacherous predicament - by laughing off the vaguely-defined "alt-right" pedo-phobia, they are in turn casting themselves as pedo-protectors and declaring, loudly and proudly, that the sexual abuse of children is no biggie. Which, in a roundabout manner, explains in full why the right-of-center is up in arms about the issue to begin with, don't it?
Gay British man convicted of murdering adopted daughter

Now you and I both know that homosexual men are without question the least violent kind of people on the planet, and they never, ever engage in sick and sadistic shenanigans. But alas, every ingroup has its outliers, I suppose, and over there in the U.K. Team Gay just notched another point in the Filicide Olympics. On Nov. 7, Matthew Scully-Hicks - who, in a grand act of defiance against LGBT stereotypes, was indeed a fitness trainer by trade - was convicted of the May 2016 murder of the 18-month child he and his husband had adopted barely two weeks earlier.  According to police accounts, Hicks - who was suspected of abusing the child for nearly a year before the courts officially granted he and his butt-buddy full custody rights - killed the toddler by violently shaking her and striking her in her teeny, tiny baby skull for having, and this is in the murderer's own words "a full diva strop." Alas, while murdering a defenseless 18-year-old baby seems like the kind of crime that would get people the death penalty, Scully-Hicks was instead giving a relatively light sentence of just 18 years behind bars. Of course, the horrific incident raises a LOT of questions about the state of social services in the U.K., particularly in regards to how Scully-Hicks was granted custody rights to the child despite hospitalizing her TWICE before murdering her. Alas, that's the state of the United Kingdom for you - where the powers that be are so hell bent on fostering "equality" and "diversity" that they can overlook the occasional toddler beaten to death by a homosexual.
Jesse Jackson accused of sexual misconduct ... again

Just when I thought accusations of George Takei sexually assaulting a male model 20 years his junior would be the most ironically-satisfying-cum-tragic news item of the week, here comes the good Reverend hisself to up the ante. In an article published Nov. 6 by The Root, reporteress Danielle Young accuses Jesse Jackson of groping her during a photo shoot, stating "as I walked within arm's reach of him, Jackson reached out a hand and grabbed my thigh, saying 'I like all of that right there!' and gave my thigh a tight squeeze." In the same article, Young cites an unnamed colleague who also claims to have been given the bad touch by Jackson, who (purportedly) said "I remember him being inappropriate with all the women. And I also remember you telling me that he did something more with you. And then we brushed the shit off and chalked it up to him just being a dirty old man." Of course, such behavior really shouldn't be surprising considering the Reverend's long history of fathering children out of wedlock and berating gay coworkers with an impressive arsenal of homophobic slurs. And if Young's accusations turn out to be fruitless, after all? Well, let's just chalk it up to cosmological payback for perpetrating not one but two racist rape hoaxes over the last 30 years.
This week in absurd, violent and absurdly violently black crime ...

As we all know, African-American people are oft-stereotyped, and we here at The Internet Is In America want to do our part to dispel some of these hurtful, erroneous and overstated accusations and allegations. Which is why I wanted to run down a slate of recent horrific (and bizarre beyond words) criminal acts committed by people who just so happen to be black to show you just how atypical such behavior is on their race's part. Remember: just because some black people do really, really bad things doesn't mean we should prejudicially castigate and criticize all of them for the lamentable actions of a small number of African-Americans - after all, that kind of wide-net generalization is only good for condemning white people, who are all guilty of mass murder by proxy of their deficient melanin levels.
And then there's the troubling case of Jimmy Webb, a 79-year-old man who was beaten to death by two home intruders in Virginia. "A man, asleep in the middle of town, the house gets broken into and he gets murdered for no apparent - there's no rationale for it," said Greensville Country Commonwealth Attorney Patricia Watson. "This is a very inconspicuous house, on a very inconspicuous street, in the middle of town. It cannot be random." Alas, despite two individuals being arrested in Washington D.C. inside Webb's stolen vehicle, police have yet to identify the two suspects - or show the public their mug shots. Which, of course, means but one thing - those goddamn Chinese are at it again, naturally.

Your weekly round-up of the latest on-campus absurdities

 Of course, you can't have a column called This Week in Social Justice Warrior-Dom without taking a nice, long gander at the Western world's foremost hot bed of SJW wackiness, the gilded halls of academia. Below are some recent-ish collegiate happenings that'll have you scratching your head - and then shaking your fists in anger, since your tax dollars are probably being used to fund all this nonsense.
And if you thought the state of higher education in the States was woeful, just wait 'til you see they're having to put up with in Canada. Staff at Vancouver Island University have hit their employer with a 105-page human rights complaint after they were forced to accommodate a "special needs" student who attended classes in full diaper fetish regalia. According to the CBC, "the student in his 40s asked to be treated as an infant, demanding children's books to be read to him, speaking in a baby voice, wearing a soother and even submitting a selfie of himself in a diaper to one instructor," who stated "she believes that as soon as the university knew the student had what it terms an 'atypical sexual drive that he may impose on non-consenting individuals,' staff needed warning."

In other words - it looks like we're building a wall at the wrong fucking border.

Supporters of Atlanta mayoral candidate send out robo-calls demanding Atlanta remain "black"

 The results of the 2017 Atlanta mayoral race are in, and there's going to be a runoff between the top two general election vote-getters; Dolores Umbridge impersonator Mary Norwood and Keisha Lance-Bottoms, who looks like the most evil bitch in every black high school movie ever made. Speaking of Lance-Bottoms, some controversy was a-brewin' in the days leading up to the election when a gaggle of her supporters (deeming themselves "Citizens for Keisha," although there is no website or social media presence for said group anywhere on the 'net) started sending out robocalls demanding they vote for her in order to, and this is a direct quote - "keep Atlanta black." Of course, Lance-Bottoms vehemently denied having anything to do with the taped messages, with some Keisha proponents theorizing the robocalls were actually fabrications drummed up by mayoral also-ran Mitchell Caesar targeting white voters, who in a fairly suspicious, well-formatted and instantly available press release, announced "it is sad and unfortunate that she is playing the race card to drum up support." Of course, it's about 50/50 whether the thing is a great big election mudslinging hoax or there really are super-prejudiced P.O.C in Atlanta wanting them honkies outta' there. Still, it's more than just a little suspicious that the story has received so little play outside of the Atlanta/Roswell/Sandy Springs M.S.A. - surely, the fine, outstanding barons of modern media would remain just as ambivalent had the lone white male in the race sent out calls demanding "make Atlanta white again," no? 

NBC News blames video gamers for the rise of white supremacy

Well, if you ever wondered if objective journalism as an American institution was deader than the milkman and one hour photo industry, this little NBC News tirade from late October might as well represent the medium's final death nail. Completely eschewing any and all semblances of impartiality, the four-minute-long "news" item contains no actual news - indeed, it's basically a mini-propaganda film direly, desperately trying to find a way to connect video game culture with far right white supremacist culture. From the outset - in which ominous, creepy piano music underscores a young woman speaking about "Nazis" at the Charlottesville march, despite the fact Nazis haven't existed since 1945 - you just know this thing is going to be shameless agitprop, through and through. Unable to find a real expert for the story, NBC News relied upon the maddened musings of a PhD candidate at the University of Waterloo Games Institute, who authored a study that unscientifically links GamerGate to the rise of the nondescriptly defined "alt-right," complete with a series of uncited and unsourced tweets allegedly showing online commentators threatening to murder and rape ... well, NBC News doesn't tell us, actually. From there, the (s)hitpiece says Xbox Live and the PlayStation Network have become "havens of hate speech against women and minorities," even though I'm pretty sure people were telling nigger jokes and calling women "broads" and "bitches" in arcades back in the heyday of Pong and Asteroids. This is coupled by a clip of a guy jokingly telling a fellow gamer "do they let women play Call of Duty in America?", which is immediately cushioned by footage of the Friday the 13th video game showing Jason decapitating - what else? - a black woman. Then they get a talking head from the SPLC - which, despite their name, is apparently not all that concerned about ameliorating southern poverty these days - who blames, of all things, Discord for facilitating neo-Nazi group meet-ups - complete with images of the Charlottesville march superimposed over a white kid playing an Xbox360. Then, the narrator - without a single shred of evidence - says Discord communique was instrumental in arranging the meeting that lead to the death of Heather Heyer, which, yeah, sounds like the kind of thing that should get these assholes sued silly. And for the grand finale, the narrator calls James Fields "a white supremacist" - despite white supremacy being a completely unmeasurable, inherently objective construct - who was clearly radicalized by those damned video game Klansmen because one time in 2010, his mama told him to stop playing so much Everquest. Well, not that it's a surprise to anybody, but the video has become one of the most poorly received in YouTube history, with the clip amassing about 400 likes and 46,000 dislikes as of Nov. 17. There are already hundreds, hell, maybe even thousands of videos on YouTube dispelling the NBC News' clip's assertions, and this one does as good a job as any I've seen summing up everything the sensationalist little screed got wrong (which includes a pretty fair amount of stealing and using the copyright protected videos of others without their permission or compensation.) Since then, the producer of the video, Melanie Bencosme, has kept her Twitter profile private, and her official website is suspiciously devoid of professional references, for some odd reason. Which means, of course, that it's only a matter of time until she gets hired by Buzzfeed or Vice, where she will no doubt continue to produce five-star video "journalism" that would've made Pravda proud. Hell, Rachel Maddow might be hitting her up with a job offer as we speak - not that MSNBC gives half a shit about accuracy in reporting, considering that special they aired earlier this year, claiming the term "SJW" stood for "stingy jew" and that "traps" are "hot girls racists want to rape."

 And that, in a nutshell, is what constitutes "journalism" in America these days - and if that isn't enough proof it's time to put the medium out to pasture altogether, I don't know what is.
... and a few headlines that speak for themselves ...











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