The 50 Greatest Sega CD Games of All-Time! (PART TWO -- #040 to #031)

A Five Part Series Counting Down the Best Games the Sega CD Had to Offer!

Hey You! Looking for the Previous Installments in this Series?

PART ONE, counting down games #050 to #041, can be found right here.

PART TWO, counting down games #040 to #031, can be found right here.

PART THREE, counting down games #030 to #021, can be found right here.

PART FOUR, counting down games #020 to #011, can be found right here.
PART FIVE, counting down games #010 to #01, can be found right here. 

For what it’s worth the Sega CD (known as the Mega CD in Europe) might just be the single most underrated console in the history of video gaming. Considered a proverbial laughingstock by gamers that have hardly spent any time at all with the system, the Sega CD was actually a pretty damn good little console, stocked with plenty of killer console exclusives, graphically and musically superior special editions of 16-bit classics, and even a couple of standout genre offerings that, sadly, have become outmoded in today’s all-too-familiar virtual world. Come on, you know you miss side scrolling shoot ‘em ups and digital comic books as much as I do…

After tackling a list of the best the Sega Dreamcast had to offer, I thought long and hard about which console I wanted to focus on for my next countdown. Seeing as how the unsung, unheralded Sega CD generally gets about as much recognition and praise as gonorrhea, I figured the criminally underappreciated console was absolutely perfect the “Top 50” treatment. For those of you that had the honor of owning and playing through some of these classic games (many of which remain under-the-radar gems to this day), consider this a fond recollection and celebration of what once was, and for all of you young whippersnappers that equate the console with “pure fail?” Something tells me that’s a tune you’re going to change in a hurry after seeing everything you’ve missed out on.

As for the criteria for the list, I was pretty lax and subjective. Ever the jingoistic American that I am, I decided that only games that were given North American releases, while the Sega CD was still in production, should qualify as candidates, so no obscure-ass Japan-only SHMUPs or home-brew RPGs some dude made in his basement in 2008 are in contention here.

As always, the opinions expressed herein are solely my own, and your list would surely differ. That said, whose ready to take things to THE NEXT LEVEL?

#040 
Wirehead

Clearly, the most maligned genre on the Sega CD has to be its full motion video (sometimes called “interactive movie”) library. Yes, no one is going to call games like “Night Trap” and “Sewer Shark” all time classics on par with “Mega Man 3” or “Gunstar Heroes,” but games of the sort really don’t deserve the critical lambasting they receive from today’s tweens and teens -- who, obviously, have never even held a real life “lime bean controller” in their hands before.

“Wirehead” is one of the more memorable FMV games to be found on the console, thanks to its unique plot, solid acting, and quirky screenplay. A release by MGM’s short-lived interactive division, “Wirehead” was one of the last games to be released on the console, and as such, was only experienced by a scant few players. And if you’re looking for a title that might just change your perspective on the interactive movie genre, there are very few games out there that I think would alter your outlook as much as this one.

The game, more or less, puts you in control of an (intentionally?) bad, “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids!”-style family sci-fi comedy. It’s your job to navigate the main character -- the eponymous “Wirehead,” a stereotypical suburban dad who just so happens to have a lightning rod welded on top of his noggin -- through a wide array of misadventures. The gameplay, though limited to “Dragon’s Lair” and “Shenmue”-like quick time events, is actually pretty painless, and the game’s pell-mell plotline throws so many curveballs at you that you really do want to keep playing just to see what crazy shit happens next. Believe it or not, the trial and error gameplay actually gives the title some extended replay value; of course, once you figure out the “right” button presses (and memorize them accordingly), the game more or less plays itself, but up until then, “Wirehead” is a surprisingly fun FMV experience that will have you glued -- perhaps in spite of yourself -- to your Sega CD.

#039  
Kids on Site

“Kids on Site,” at first glance, a fairly innocuously looking “kiddy game,” is actually one of the most subversively intriguing offerings on the Sega CD. Sure, it may seem like a boring, “edu-game” for the elementary school set, but once you actually get into the nuts and bolts of the title, you’ll actually uncover quite a bit of full motion havoc to wreak.

The “intentional” design of the game, I suppose, is quite the rarity; a “heavy machinery operating simulator.” However, the same way the free-roaming natures of “Grand Theft Auto III” and “The Sims” led to gamers turning the titles into (unintentional?) orgies of sadistic mayhem, “Kids on Site” allows gamers with mischievous intent to COMPLETELY subvert the game into impromptu mass mayhem. A deranged third grader’s mind, and full access wrecking balls and bulldozers -- seriously, what’s the worst that could happen here?

Yeah, yeah, you could play the game the way it was meant to be -- an extraordinarily easy endeavor, which entails simply pressing face buttons at certain junctures, a la “Shenmue” and “Dragon’s Lair” -- OR you could use your excavator lifts to pick up co-workers and drop them…presumably to their deaths…into various trenches. Or how about cranking up that bulldozer of yours and running over some watermelons (this title is a veritable wet dream for Gallagher) and then paving over your foreman’s corpse? Believe it or not, all of the above are options this “kids-oriented” title offer you -- concluding with a final stage in which you get to blow up tons and tons of TNT. Clearly, there’s not a whole lot of meat to the experience, but as a simple WTF experience, this is a compact disc you might want to scoop up, pending the opportunity arises…

#038 
Night Trap

Alongside “Mortal Kombat,” one of two games responsible for bringing the violent video game debate to the forefront of American politics, and the title, more or less, single-handedly responsible for the ESRB video game rating system.

Admittedly, there’s not a whole lot to talk about regarding the gameplay in “Night Trap.” As a member of the “Sega Control Attack Team” (yes, a piece of “SCAT,” that makes you), it’s up to you to protect a house filled with sorority-type girls, who are under siege by a gaggle of vampiric ninjas. The gameplay thusly boils down to switching between cameras (there are eight in total) and activating specially laid-out traps before the afore-mentioned vampire ninjas (who use this utterly absurd drilling mechanism to do in their victims) get their undead hands all over Dana Plato and her pals.

As with most FMV titles on the console, there is a LOT of trial and error, and once you have the sequences memorized, the game requires virtually no effort at all on the behalf of the player. As a huge fan of crappy B-horror movies, I suppose I have a soft spot in my heart for this one -- and as such, I am able to overlook a lot of the game’s apparent problems, such as the grainy video and occasionally tedious “trap-em-up” game mechanics. And despite the Senate hearings the game inspired, the title is virtually bloodless, and completely devoid of any nudity whatsoever; and whether or not that’s a positive or a negative, I suppose, is up to the individual to determine.

#037 
Mortal Kombat

And speaking of hyper-controversial video games, here’s the OTHER title responsible for turning violent video gaming into an ineffaceable pillar of U.S. polemics!

At this point, what really needs to be said about “Mortal Kombat?” It’s a fairly straight-forward, kinda’ 2D fighting game with blood galore, some REALLY annoying spam attacks (in particular, the teeth grinding, pain-in-the-ass that is Scorpion’s spear-uppercut-and-teleport combo) and of course, the merriment that arises from literally punching a dude’s head off his spinal cord or uppercutting someone so hard their torso flies off. Yeah, in hindsight, it was no “Street Fighter II,” but if you couldn’t get at least a couple of hours on enjoyment from the experience, you might as well be playing pachinko and lugging around a Hello Kitty purse instead.

The original “MK” was stupid, all style-and-no-substance fighting game excess at its very uncultured best, and the Sega CD version is superior to the Genesis cartridge for several reasons. For starters, the visuals are a bit crisper, and the sound is MUCH better -- although the sound effects do remain a little warbled. Surprisingly, however, the game still looks inferior to the SNES version, and I will be several shades of damned if the music in the game is STILL subpar compared to the audio of the Super Nintendo iteration of the game. Of course, us Sega gamers get blood and full fatalities, but is it worth the graphical and audio trade-off? Well…yeah, probably.

#036 
Wild Woody

At a certain juncture, I suppose you would run out of decent candidates from the mammalian world to use as viable mascot-platformer characters. Ever the progressive sorts, the fine folks at Sega decided to abandon the animal kingdom altogether for “Wild Woody,” a better-than-average platforming title in which you take control of…an anthropomorphic pencil?

As one of the very last games released on the Sega CD, “Wild Woody’s” datedness shows quite a bit -- especially when you compare the grainy cut scenes to the video quality of the PS1 and Saturn. Admittedly, the soundtrack (scored by, of all people, a dude that went on to play guitar for that thing Axl Rose wants us to believe is “Guns N Roses”) is a little grating, and dear lord, that voice acting! However, once you get past those issues (a hard sell for some, I know), what you’ll uncover in “Wild Woody” is 2D platformer that’s actually quite a bit of fun.

Of course, it’s easy to mock “Wild Woody” for its aesthetics and its goofy animations (your attack, I might add, entails hopping on enemy heads and “erasing” them with your ass), but once you get past all the superficialities, the meat of the gameplay is actually quite satisfying. It feel pretty safe in describing “Wild Woody” as a mixture of “Comix Zone” and “Donkey Kong Country,” although not as enjoyable or well-constructed as either title. That said, if you’re looking for a standard, no-frills platformer -- on a console with a real dearth of quality  side scrolling platformers, as is --“Wild Woody” is actually a shockingly competent title.

#035 
Lethal Enforcers CD

If you spent any amount of time in an arcade in the mid 1990s, you surely squandered many a quarter on Konami’s “Lethal Enforcers,” a light-gun game that drew a considerable amount of controversy for including (what was considered at the time, anyway) photorealistic, digitalized graphics. While the game was ported to both the SNES and Genesis, it should go without saying that this version is the best of the bunch -- thanks in part to the improved CD audio soundtrack, and definitely because of the graphical boost from the hardware.

First off, if you were lucky enough to buy the game when it first came out, you also scored yourself an awesome, blazingly blue proprietary light gun produced by Konami, called “the Justifier,” which, yes, sounds just like a bad Clint Eastwood movie from the early 1980s. Although you can play the game with your standard lima bean pad, I recall having a (literal and figurative) blast with the old school peripheral; while the game is still playable with the regular Genesis controller, the actual light gun input is much preferred here.

The backgrounds, for the time anyway, look outstanding, even if some of the bad guys look a little stiff and ill-defined. The sound effects are downright incredible, with menacing terrorists shouting gruff threats at you while innocent bystanders scream bloody murder. There are only five stages in the game (six, if you count the target shooting mini-game), but the title is fairly tough, and there’s quite a bit of replay incentive -- especially when its you and a buddy tag-teaming to wipe crime off the streets of Chicago. A bit primitive by modern standards, there’s no denying the bare-bones, gallery shooting fun of “Lethal Enforcers,” which is certainly one of the best “shooters” to be found on the console.

#034 
Double Switch

Another FMV game from Sega’s Digital Pictures, “Double Switch” is definitely one of the hardest games to be found on the Sega CD. While extraordinarily difficult, it’s also a pretty entertaining little title, filled with a rather surprising cast and a B-movie plotline that’s actually somewhat involving and entertaining.

First off, we’ve got to talk about the cast here. The main protagonist of the title is played by Corey Haim (that Corey Haim), and the supporting cast includes R. Lee Ermey (aka, the sadistic drill sergeant from “Full Metal Jacket) and, of all people, Deborah Harry playing a super MILF in Egyptian get-up. Calling the title “star-studded” may be a bit of a stretch, but it’s certainly more well-acted than, oh say, “Corpse Killer” or, shudder, “Power Factory, Featuring C+C Music Factory.” And that’s not even noting the soundtrack, which was produced by Thomas “She Blinded Me With Freakin’ Science” Dolby!

Gameplay-wise, the title is remarkably similar to “Night Trap,” with the player controlling several cameras and activating booby traps at particular junctures. “Double Switch,” however, is a much more complex game than “Night Trap,” as it throws in quite a few additional objectives along the way, including some extremely challenging scavenger hunts. Unlike most of the FMV games on the console, “Double Switch” will probably take you quite a while to get down (if you don’t get too frustrated first, of course), but for those of you looking for an interactive movie game with a little bit of longevity, it’s probably the most intricate FMV game on the system. And just wait until the mummy makes his grand entrance!

#033 
Ground Zero Texas

Hey, why not one more FMV game from Digital Pictures while we are at it? Of all the games produced by Tom Zito and company, I believe this one is far and away my favorite. It’s trashy B-movie sleaze meets shooting gallery hokum, and while insanely simplistic as a gaming experience, it’s also pretty darn enjoyable.

Alike “Night Trap,” the game utilizes a multi-camera set-up. However, instead of trapping foes like in “Double Switch,” the game utilizes a more straight-forward, “Lethal Enforcers” and “Sewer Shark”-type cursor-shooting system of game play. While the title is extraordinarily uncomplicated (and admittedly, quite repetitive), the super-fun, better-acted-than-the-norm screenplay keeps you glued to your cathode ray tube, regardless.

The title -- which is one part “Tremors” and one part “V” -- was actually a full-fledged Hollywood production, costing $2 million and utilizing almost two full hours of video (which, considering the console’s hardware limitations, is actually quite astounding.) Hell, the game itself actually had a credited director -- that being the same dude that helmed “Halloween 4” and “Free Willy 2.” You’ll probably be able to blast through “Ground Zero Texas” in an afternoon, and yeah, once you’ve already beaten the title, there’s not much to revisit. That said, if you’re looking for a wholly unique, hybrid video game/movie experience…well, this is probably one of your better bets out there.

#032 
Bram Stoker’s Dracula 

At last estimate, I believe there were about 4,000 different version of “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” released on home consoles in the early 1990s, from the Master System to the SNES to the Game Gear. What makes the Sega CD version of Francis Ford Coppola’s movie tie-in different from other iterations is two-fold; first, this one uses pre-rendered graphics (meaning, you more or less take control of a digitalized Keanu Reeves, “Mortal Kombat”-style), and of course, the title features lengthy clips from the 1992 film of the same name. Yeah, that’s not really an impressive feat nowadays, but back then? Being able to see real scenes from a real movie on a video game console was just mind-blowing.

The music in this game is also really good, creating a somewhat spooky atmosphere that definitely keeps you on your toes. The graphics -- while a little hokey -- are also detailed enough to keep you wondering what’s ahead, with some pretty diverse backgrounds and level lay outs. There are even some surprisingly decent looking, pseudo 3D environmental effects, too, like pendulums that literally swing right in your face as you hop and punch your way through Dracula’s castle.

OK, so “Castlevania III” this one isn’t; the sound effects are repetitive, the enemies are just ridiculous (seriously, who punches spiders and snakes?) and the boss fights typically leave a lot to be desired. That said, the gameplay -- which entails rudimentary platforming, at times, taking on the vibe of a side scrolling beat ‘em up --is altogether satisfying, and the general ambiance of the game is pretty unique and just a wee bit scary. It’s not going to replace “Splatterhouse 2” and “Zombies Ate My Neighbors!” on your list of essential Halloween-time plays, but if your looking for a new All Hallow’s Eve gaming experience, you could certainly do a lot worse than this one.

#031 
Sol-Feace 

Despite having a name that sounds suspiciously like “feces,” this is actually a downright awesome side scrolling SHMUP, with terrific music, hyper-addictive and challenging game play, and some extraordinary looking 2D visuals. The title would certainly rank a lot higher on the countdown, if it wasn’t so short; once you pare out the opening cinematics, end credits and load times, you’re left with a title that’s barely 20 minutes in length.

I suppose I would feel comfortable referring to “Sol-Feace” as a standard SHMUP, alike “R-Type” and “Life Force.” Of course, the big variable this game has that those others don’t is the CD-audio, which is thumping with intensity from start to finish. The soundtrack on this one is so good, it actually improves the quality of the gameplay; when that techno bass starts pumping, you can’t help but get a little nervous, and thusly start losing your grip on the control pad. This is a game that knows how to make gamers antsy, and it does so majestically.

On a system glutted with kick-ass SHMUPS, there’s really not that much that makes “Sol-Feace” stand out, however. While the dual cannon gameplay is satisfying, you don’t really get that many power-up options (which is just ridiculous, seeing as how NES-era games like “Zanac” gave you twice as many upgrades as this title) and to be fair, the backgrounds are a little plain compared to some other genre offerings on the system. That said, with the terrific music and rock-solid side scrolling action, “Sol-Feace” is clearly a must-play for any arcade-loving Sega CD owners And yeah, it’s a much better game than the downgraded Genesis port, which was called, inexplicably “Sol-Deace.” Seriously.

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The Greatest 16-Bit Football Games of All-Time!

Paying homage to the classic pigskin games that rocked the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis 

Many, many years ago, the great Southern songbird Hank Williams, Jr. penned a dulcimer tone so enchanting and captivating that, even today, it remains an irremovable, cultural imprint upon American society. Like the ides of March, every September - when the leaves are browning and you can gleefully shill out five bucks for a Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks - the immortal words of Bocephus echo throughout the nation en masse, ringing church bells in Maine and shaking statues off their foundations in Tijuana. You can smell it in the air, that wondrous odor of Candy Corn M&Ms and novelty bleeding candles at Pier One; and then, that rumble hits you, and now, we all know the time is nigh. Junior: please do us that kindness for which you are universally adored…

The National Football League is back, America, and for the first time in eight months, our collective lives once again have some semblance of meaning. Depending on how the Raiders do over the next four months, my life is either going to become a thrilling renaissance of personal discovery OR a good seventeen weeks of me yelling curse words at the TV set and being pissy and hormonal because Carson Palmer still hasn’t learned to throw right. Either way, I cherish these months, and what better way to get us back into the spirit of the gridiron than by reflecting on some of the absolute best American football games from our youth?

While there were plenty of great football games prior to the advent of the Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis, I think it’s safe to say that video pigskin titles didn’t REALLY come into their own until the 16-bit revolution came about. Thanks to more powerful graphics and processors, home consoles could now provide gamers with more intricate and realistic gridiron experiences - and also, some insanely violent fantasy titles that took on-turf mayhem to dizzying new heights.

Seeing as how I’m already knee-deep in ONE massive video game countdown this month, instead of quantifying the best of the best when it came to 16-bit football titles, I elected to iron out a brief, seven-game list of Genesis and SNES football games that I think are just about perfect for getting you into the spirit of a new pro football season. And to make things a little more diverse, I decided to include just one installment per football series, so that instead of producing a list populated solely by all of the “Madden” games that got released in the early ‘90s, there’s some actual by-god variety on this one.  Now, who’s ready to dust off their gamepads, slam some cartridges into their respective 16-bit machines and relive the golden age of video football? That’s right: every freaking one of us…

Bill Walsh College Football ‘95

Peculiarly enough, I’ve never really been what you would call a big college football fan, but like many pigskin enthusiasts of the mid-’90s, I loved the hell out of this game right here. There’s a HUGE roster of NCAA teams, including a ton of all-time squads, and the gameplay really does seem to have a faster, smoother tempo than the similar “Madden” engine of the same timeframe.

The graphics were really well done, and the audio was low-key, but effective and memorable. The sprites had a brighter look to them then in the “Madden” games, and since this is college ball we’re talking here, there were all sorts of offensive and defensive schemes at your disposal that you weren’t able to toy around with in the NFL games, including what was far and away the most enjoyable wishbone formation in ANY 16-bit title. And for those of you that couldn’t stand the “box” presentation in EA’s other football games from the era, REJOICE! You have a longer depth of field in this one, so gawping at wide receivers imprisoned in rectangular frames is a thing of the past.

Even non-NCAA fanatics such as myself (we being the people still that giggle every time we hear the term “cornhusker”) can tell that this is a truly tremendous sports sim. It’s far and away the greatest 2D college football game I’ve ever played, and a title you definitely need to give a try if you prefer your pigskin on Saturdays as opposed to Sundays.

Jerry Glanville’s Pigskin Footbrawl

OK, OK, calling this game a “football” title is stretching it quite a bit; even if you were to strip away all of the fantastical elements, you would be left with a game that, in terms of sheer mechanics, is more closely related to rugby than what you see on NFL broadcasts every Sunday. Even so, the game is just ridiculously fun, and a title every football fan ought to check out at least a time or two. I mean, shit, if it’s good enough for a former Atlanta Falcons head coach, it ought to be good enough for the gaming masses, no?

If the game seems vaguely familiar to you, it’s because it’s essentially a home port of the legendary, cult-coin-op title “Pigskin 621 A.D.” which was pretty much what would happen if you put “Arch Rivals,” “Ten Yard Fight” and “Golden Axe” into a blender and hit puree.

While this Sega Genesis port isn’t as pretty as its arcade inspiration, it’s still a really fun game, and a completely unique gaming experience that, unlike a lot of “humorous” games from the timeframe, is actually kind of funny. You can pick up maces and axes and murder opposing players in scrums, and if you’re leading by double digits late in the fourth, unstoppable troll monsters show up as a means of “equalizing” the contest. There’s not a whole lot of depth to the game (half the time, you can’t even directly control who has the ball), but what the game lacks in strategy, it makes up with sheer kookiness. How many other football games can you think of where bales of hay prove more dangerous obstacles than all-out blitzes, anyway?

Joe Montana II: Sports Talk Football

The idea of running commentary in sports games, nowadays, is pretty much a given. In fact, if a modern football game DOESN’T have play-by-play, it’s considered extremely gimpy. With that in mind, you can imagine how awesome it was to hear genuine, human commentary in “Joe Montana II: Sports Talk Football” - and considering the technological constraints of the time, the audio quality of the game is downright awe-inspiring.

The game featured running commentary from Lon Simmons - perhaps best known for his immortal 1964 call when greatest-dumbass-of-all-time-nominee Jim Marshall decided to pick up a fumble and run all the way to his OWN end zone to score a safety for the other team. While Simmons digitalized audio is a little warbled, it’s still surprisingly clear considering the technology of the timeframe, and he even spits out a couple of lines that have become gridiron lore - particularly, his perpetual refrain of “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT” whenever you line up for a really illogical play.

So, the audio in this one is world class, most definitely, but the other aspects of the tile: the graphics, the controls and ESPECIALLY the gameplay, are likewise phenomenal. It’s a nice mixture of arcade and simulation, and I really dig how the game “zooms” in on players during the certain plays. The season mode is pretty cool, and the multiplayer mode is seriously fun. The play selection is a little sparse, but beyond that? This is just a tremendous little title, that I think any and all Sega Genesis owners should have in on their bookshelves (or wherever else they store their cartridges, ostensibly.)

Madden NFL ‘94

If you get a bunch of Sega Genesis owners in a room for a longtime, an argument about which was the best 16-bit Madden title is sure to break out. Some will tell you that “Madden ‘92” - the one with the ambulance that runs over players - is the best of the bunch, but there are others that will tell you that “Madden ‘93,” with its robust playbooks and greater emphasis on strategic play, was the one-to-rule-them-all.

If I had to go with just ONE 2D “Madden,” however, I would definitely go with the ‘94 iteration. For my money, this is arguably - note, I said ARGUABLY - the greatest 16-bit football game of all-time, and if it isn’t, it’s at least the most technical. Of all of the games released on the SNES and Genesis, I would say that “Madden ‘94” is about as close as we got to a true “football simulation” - everything felt realistic, and smooth, and it took just a little bit of grey matter to play it. This is a football game for serious football fans, no doubt.

This game has to have the deepest playbooks of any 2D football game, with dozens upon dozens of offensive and defensive packages. Even more awesome, the guys at High Score Productions gave you the ability to call audibles - a pioneering game mechanic that completely altered multiplayer experiences for the better. The passing game, admittedly, takes a while to get used to, but in no time, you’ll be airing it out like Steve Young and Troy Aikman used to. And if you know anything at all about video football, you don’t need me to tell you how awesome the run game is here…

Mutant League Football

Let’s say that football sims really aren’t “your thing.” Yeah, zone blitzes and hook-and-ladder plays are cool and all, but sometimes, you don’t want to waylay a QB, you want to literally vivisect him on the field. And if that’s your personal itch? Electronic Arts definitely has something for that.

“Mutant League Football,” obviously, is not a game concerned with realism…but then again, you probably would’ve picked up on that when you noticed that instead of the Green Bay Packers, the game features golden skeleton warriors wearing shoulder pads with spikes on them. If you like puns, this is a game that will give you your fill - calling a player “Bones Jackson” and naming a team “The Deathskin Razors” are actually some of the subtler jokes in the title, if you can believe it.

“Mutant League,” however, is still a pretty sound little pigskin game, using what I believe is a modified “Madden ‘93” engine. You have a run game, a passing game, and the defensive and offensive packages - despite some more pun-filled names - are all fairly standard football fare. Where the game goes crazy, of course, is in the variables that affect the on-field action - things like, mines on the sidelines, and mad quarterback scrambling (with an assist from a jet pack, no less) and the occasional “exploding football” trick play which usually results in the innards of the opposing team’s QB  getting scattered across the turf. And if that’s not enough for you, you even have the ability to bribe the referee so that B.S. penalties get assessed to your opponent. Pending the next “Madden” game doesn’t feature a New Orleans Saints “Bounty Bonus” mechanic, this is probably the most wantonly violent football title you’ll ever get your grubby little meat hooks on.

Super High Impact

In the early ‘90s, there was an arcade football game called “High Impact,” and it was, essentially, “NFL Blitz” a good half a decade before it existed. The funny thing is, “High Impact” even predated “NBA Jam,” so in a way, it was at the FOREFRONT of the arcade-sports revolution of the Clinton Years. Well, not really, but I figured the guys at Midway need as much encouragement as they can get nowadays.

“Super High Impact,” the console port version of the game, was a pretty memorable title, for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, it really showcased the graphical and audio discrepancies between the two consoles, as the SNES version of the game looked and sounded as crisp as fresh autumn leaf, while the Genesis version, for lack of a better term, looked and sounded uglier than a pair of worn-out bowling shoes. I’ve always though the technical merits of the consoles were a lot closer than most people assume, but in this case…yeah, Super NintenDOES what the GenesISN’T capable of doing right here.

The on-field action, while a little simplistic, is quite fun, and I liked the fact that the game incorporated a horizontal perspective as opposed to the more traditional vertical field view. Next to the “Tecmo Bowl” games, I really can’t think of a game from the timeframe that provided play of the like as well as “Super High Impact.” And of course, it’s almost impossible to deny the stupid charm of the title, as it features loudmouth announcers spitting out clichés a mile a minute, kick returners LITERALLY getting broken in half by defenders and quite possibly the most bizarre set of teams in the annals of video game football - since when did the entire continent of Africa get an NFL franchise, anyway?

Tecmo Super Bowl III: Final Edition

It’s impossible to talk about old-school video football without bringing up “Tecmo Bowl,” and this installment - available on both the SNES and Genesis - is not only one of the best sports games of the 16-bit era, but in my humble opinion, one of the absolute greatest sports games EVER. For me, it’s really a toss-up between this game and “Madden ‘94” for title of “best 16-bit football” game - and if you prefer hot and heavy arcade action to strategic play, then there’s NO denying which one takes the cake.

The graphics in this game were absolutely phenomenal, as the title had an almost 2.5D look and feel to it. Additionally, the audio was just superb, and the gameplay? Dude, it’s freaking “Tecmo Bowl”…you KNOW it’s going to be awesome!

Some have argued that the play selection screen looks a little muddled, and I think that’s a fair criticism. But, since cycling through plays ALSO results in that killer “shotgun being loaded” sound effect as you hop across the menu, I think it’s a minor gripe that can certainly be forgiven. In essence, the game plays like a mildly more refined “Tecmo Super Bowl” - that is, you get way more packages, even though the core game play feels pretty much the same is it did back in 1991. It’s an utterly addictive game, and features perhaps the best presentation of any football game from the era. It may not be the most strategically satisfying pigskin title from the timeframe, but if you’re looking for an undiluted, arcade gridiron experience…I really don’t think it’s possible to do much better than this game.

Are you ready for some TOOTH DECAY (and also, football)!

And that, kids, is my seven-pointed list of suggested retro titles you give a play in anticipation of the new football season. Now, who is ready for SOME referee strikes and Arena Football League scores and concussions a-plenty? I think this season is going to be one for the record books, no doubt…

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