LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play From Week 12's Raiders vs. Jets Game!

This Week's Episode:

"Start Spreadin' The News ..."

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LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play from Week 2's Raiders vs. Jets Game!

This Week's Episode:

"S-H-I-T, Shit, Shit, Shit!"

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including today's home stand against New York. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Sept. 17 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 2's Raiders vs. Jets game, with the festivities beginning at 4 p.m. eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter) ... 

1:35 PM - The kickoff will be at 4:05 PM Eastern. The Raiders are 1-0 heading into the home stand, while the Jets are looking for their first win of the season.

1:36 PM - The Raiders are 13.5 point favorites heading into the game. The last time the Raiders were favored that much was in 2001, in a game against Dallas - which the Raiders only won by a touchdown. 

1:37 PM - The over/under for the game is 43.5. ESPN's Pro Football Index gives the Raiders a 91 percent chance to win the game. 

1:38 PM - For the Raiders, fullback Jamize Olawale is questionable, as is cornerback Sean Smith and safety Keith McGill.

3:59 PM - And for the Jets? Safety Rontez Mills, TE Eric Tomlinson, LB Bruce Carter, and TE Jordan Leggett are all listed as scratches, while back-up QB Christian Hackenburg is listed as inactive.

4:04 PM - First round draft pick Gareon Conley will be making his pro start as a cornerback for the Raiders this evening, in case you were wondering.

4:06 PM - Oakland will receive first. Patterson takes it a little past the OAK 15.

4:06 PM - Marshawn hit behind the line on the first down run. There's a late flag.

4:07 PM - It's an unnecessary roughness call against the Raiders.

4:07 PM - Second and 18. Walford takes it to the OAK 15.

4:08 PM - Third and 11. Patterson gets six yards, which isn't enough to move the chains.

4:09 PM - Raiders punt. There's a flag in the backfield.

4:09 PM - It's a five yard penalty against the Raiders.

4:10 PM - Josh McCown is the starting QB for the Jets. Karl Joseph drops the running back for a two-yard loss.

4:11 PM - Second and 12. Matt Forte gets a three yard gain.

4:11 PM - Third and nine. McCown scrambles for maybe one yard. Time for the Jets to punt.

4:12 PM - The kick sails out of bounds around the OAK 19.

4:15 PM - Lynch rumbles for about four yards.

4:16 PM - Second and six. A 26 yard pick-up for Michael Crabtree on a Lynch to Carr flea-flicker.

4:17 PM - Patterson with a seven or so-yard run.

4:17 PM - Second and two. Cooper with a quick pick-up on the slant to move the chains.

4:18 PM - Lynch slips and rolls on a first down pitch.

4:19 PM - Second and 10. Marshawn with a four yard gain.

4:19 PM - Third and six. Flags down. Looks like the Jets jumped. Yep, it's five free yards for the Raiders.

4:20 PM - Third and one. Lynch takes it down to the OAK 20. That's a 13-yard rip.

4:21 PM - Incomplete to Seth Roberts in the end zone.

4:22 PM - Second and 10. Jared Cook with a six yard reception.

4:22 PM - Third and fourth. Washington takes it down to nearly the Jets' 1.

Michael Crabtree gets the Raiders on the board first via a one-yard TD reception.

4:23 PM - First and goal. TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS!

4:24 PM - Michael Crabtree reels in the two-step screener.

4:24 PM - And the PAT is good. Raiders take the lead, 7-0.

4:27 PM - The Jets return man takes it to the NYJ 37.

4:28 PM - Robbie Anderson hauls in the 19-yard pass.

4:29 PM - The deep pass gets slapped away by Gareon Conley.

4:29 PM - Second and 10. Forte hit right at the line.

4:30 PM - Third and nine. MARIO EDWARDS JR WITH THE SACK!

4:35 PM - Donald Penn hit with a clipping penalty.

4:35 PM - Cook with about ten on the first and 17 play.

4:36 PM - Second and 7. Richard hit at the line.

4:36 PM - Third and seven. Amari Cooper with a 13-yard reception.

4:37 PM - And the Jets call a timeout, because they're still the Jets.

4:40 PM - Cooper hit right at the line on the first down pass.

4:40 PM - Second and 11. Crabtree is putting his shoe back on as the quarter ends.

4:43 PM - Still second and 11. And Richard gets a HUGE gain on the scoop and run. That's 39 yards.

4:44 PM - Lynch hit behind the line on the first yard run. 

4:45 PM - Second and 10. Lynch runs for about four yards.

4:45 PM - TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Michael Crabtree with his second end zone pilgrimage of the day!

4:46 PM - And the PAT is good. The Raiders lead it, 14-0.

4:49 PM - The Jets take the touchback, so they'll start at their own 25.

4:50 PM - McGuire with a six yard run.

4:51 PM - Second and four. Sterling hauls in enough yardage to move the sticks.

4:51 PM - Tye with about three yards on a pick-up.

4:52 PM - Second and six. Bruce Irvin hits the ball carrier behind the line for a loss. And just like last week, he gets hit with an unnecessary roughness call.

4:54 PM - Jets get 15 free yards and they're now at the midfield point. McGuire gets maybe three yards on the run.

4:54 PM - Second and seven. The back gets about four yards.

4:55 PM - Third and two. And Kearse actually HAULS in the 34 yard pass for a touchdown. The PAT is good. It's 14-7, Oakland.

4:59 PM - Patterson takes the kick all the way up to the OAK 30. Flags are down.

5:00 PM - Jon Feliciano hit with a personal foul penalty. That backs them up to their own 15.

5:00 PM - Crabtree with a 21 yard reception.

5:01 PM - Lynch runs for about eight.

5:01 PM - The pass is just short of Cook.

5:02 PM - Third and two. And the Raiders call a timeout.

5:03 PM - And the pass is short of Cook again. King out to punt.

5:04 PM - The Jets fair catch it at their own 9.

5:07 PM - Forte with a six yard run.

5:07 PM - Second and four. Forte with a seven yard pick up to move the chains.

5:08 PM - McGuire with a catch and run for seven yards.

5:09 PM - Second and three. Powell with maybe a yard on the catch.

5:09 PM - Third and three. Looks like the Jets receiver was hit just shy of the line.

5:10 PM - Well, they converted by a couple of inches.

5:11 PM - And Del Rio is challenging the spot of the ball.

5:12 PM - The ruling on the field stands.

5:13 PM - The running back is hit behind the line. There's a flag on the play.

5:14 PM - That's a 15-yard taunting penalty against Marquel Lee. 

5:14 PM - Forte runs across the OAK 40.

5:15 PM - That was a 16-yard run. Forte with a seven yard run.

5:15 PM - Second and three. Forte dropped about a yard shy of the first down marker.

5:16 PM - Third and one. The Jets call a timeout.

5:17 PM - And Tye can't haul in the catch.

5:18 PM - Jets trying for a field goal. It's good. Raiders still lead, 14-10.

5:19 PM - It'll be a touchback, so the Raiders will start the next drive at their own 25.

5:20 PM - Lynch with a two yard gain.

5:20 PM - Second and eight. Cooper can't hold on to it.

5:21 PM - Third and eight. And nope, it's not enough to move the chains.

5:22 PM - There's the two minute warning.

5:24 PM - Raiders punt. THE JETS FUMBLE IT AND THE RAIDERS RECOVER IT WITHIN THE JETS' 5!

5:25 PM - Holton with the pivotal recovery. Lynch hit at the line.

5:27 PM - Second and goal. Lynch with about two yards on the run.

5:28 PM - Third and goal. TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Beast Mode with his first score as an Oakland Raider!

5:28 PM - The PAT is good. Raiders lead it 21-10 with 21 seconds left in the half.

5:29 PM - Touchback, so the Jets will begin at their own 25.

5:30 PM - And the Jets just take a knee and run out the clock.

5:31 PM - Our halftime stats? Derek Carr is 13 for 18 for 167 yards and two touchdowns, while Josh McCown is 8 for 11 for 82 yards and one touchdown strike.

5:32 PM - As far as the run game is concerned, it's a lot closer than it would seem. The Raiders have 52 yards on the ground, while the Jets aren't far behind with 47.

5:33 PM - Michael Crabtree is the game's top receiver at the half. He's got 75 yards and two touchdowns on four receptions. Marshawn Lynch is the top rusher with 38 yards and a score on 11 carries.

5:33 PM - The Jets will get the ball first when we return from halftime.

5:45 PM - Offside call against the Raiders on the kickoff.

5:46 PM - Jets start around their own 30. About five yards on Powell's run.

5:46 PM - Second and five. The back might have enough to move the chains.

5:47 PM - Third and short. Looks like Powell has enough for a new set of downs.

5:47 PM - McCown scrambles for nine yards.

5:47 PM - Second and one. McGuire with a seven yard run.

5:48 PM - The back is dropped right at the line.

5:49 PM - Second and 10. Flag is down. 

5:49 PM - It's an illegal motion call against the Jets.

5:50 PM - Second and 15. Forte hit for a loss.

5:50 PM - Third and 18. And McCown RUNS to move the sticks.

5:51 PM - That was a 22 yard run. Carrie breaks up the long shot to the end zone.

5:52 PM - Second and 10. And the receiver is hit behind the line.

5:53 PM - Third and 10. And Anderson is pushed out of bounds about two yards short.

5:53 PM - Fourth and one. And the Jets are going for it.

5:54 PM - And McGuire is STOPPED at the line. 

5:54 PM - It's a delay of game penalty against the Jets, so they get to go again.

5:54 PM - Here comes the field goal unit. The field goal is good. It's 21-13, Raiders.

5:58 PM - Patterson is downed at the OAK 15.

5:59 PM - Washington with a six yard run.

5:59 PM - Second and four. Washington with more than enough to move the sticks.

6:00 PM - Washington with maybe a yard on the play.

6:00 PM - Second and 10. Washington ultimately dropped behind the line. A flag is down.

6:01 PM - 15-yard penalty against the Jets. 

6:01 PM - Crabtree turns the corner for about five.

6:02 PM - Second and six. Cook just shy of moving the sticks.

6:03 PM - Third and one. TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Patterson cuts right down the middle for a 40-yard-plus run!

6:04 PM - That was a 43-yard run. And the PAT is good. It's 28-13, Raiders.

And don't you ever damn forget it, neither.

6:07 PM -  The Jets take the touchback. They'll start at their own 25.

6:10 PM - AND MACK WITH THE SACK!

6:10 PM - Second and 19. Mack gets called offsides. The Jets get five free yards.

6:11 PM - Second and 14. Kearse pushed out about three yards short.

6:12 PM - Third and three. Kerley converts via a ten-yard gain.

6:13 PM - McGuire with maybe two yards. 

6:13 PM - Second and 8. McGuire can't reel it in.

6:14 PM - Third and 8. JOSEPH SACKS MCCOWN.

6:15 PM - And that's the end of the third quarter. 

6:17 PM - Richard goes down at the OAK 20.

6:18 PM - Cooper with more than enough for a first down. A 16 yard pick up.

6:19 PM - A Jet is injured. Time for a commercial break.

6:22 PM - Lynch with a five yard reception.

6:22 PM - Steve McClendon was the hurt Jet. Second and 6. And Lynch appears to have enough to move the chains.

6:23 PM - TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Richard rips a 52-yard run! Of course the PAT is good. It's 35-13, Raiders.

6:27 PM - The ball fell off the stand, so the Raiders get to kick the ball again.

6:28 PM - AND JOSEPH WITH THE STRIP SACK! Raiders take over within the Jets' own 20.

6:30 PM - It's incomplete to Cooper in the end zone, but flags are everywhere.

6:30 PM - That puts the ball at the one yard line. AND CRABTREE WITH HIS THIRD TOUCHDOWN OF THE DAY!

6:31 PM - The XP is good. It's now 42-13, Oakland.

6:36 PM - The Jets take the touchback.

6:36 PM - Forte with about seven on the run.

6:37 PM - Second and 2. Keerley has enough for a new set of downs.

6:37 PM - Kearse with nine on the catch.

6:38 PM - Second and 2. Forte with enough to move the chains.

6:38 PM - Forte runs for maybe four, possibly five.

6:39 PM - Second and five at midfield. The receiver can't hold on to the ball.

6:39 PM - Third and five. The Raiders call a timeout.

6:41 PM - Forte takes it to the OAK 15.

6:41 PM - Amerson breaks it up in the end zone.

6:42 PM - Autry bats down the pass.

6:43 PM - Third and 10. The Jets call a timeout. Kearse reels in the catch in the end zone.

6:45 PM - Oh shit, Joseph looks hurt. OK, he's back on his feet. Good.

6:46 PM - The XP is good. It's 42-20, Raiders.

6:48 PM - Looks like the Jets are going for an onside kick.

6:49 PM - And the Raiders recover at midfield.

6:50 PM - Washington with a five yard run.

6:51 PM - Second and 5. And Lee Smith with enough to move the chains.

6:52 PM - Washington stopped behind the line.

6:52 PM - Second and 11. Washington stopped at the line.

Time to party like it's 2002, ya'll!

6:53 PM - Third and 11. And Richard gets enough to garner a new set of downs.

6:54 PM - Minimal gain on first down.

6:55 PM - Second and nine. Richard takes it to the NYJ 18.

6:55 PM - Third and four. Patterson picks it up at the 11. 

6:56 PM - Richard hit for a loss.

6:57 PM - Second and 11. And that'll take us to the two-minute warning.

7:00 PM - Richard with maybe a yard on the play.

7:01 PM - Third and 10. Washington hit about five yards short of the first down marker.

7:01 PM - Raiders going for it on fourth down, because why not when you are up by 22?

7:02 PM - And the Raiders jump offsides. Here comes the field goal unit. 

7:02 PM - It's good. Raiders lead it 45-20 with half a minute left in the game.

7:03 PM - It's a touchback.

7:04 PM - McGuire runs it up the middle for a first down.

7:05 PM - And that's the ball game, folks. Our final score in Oakland? Raiders 45, Jets 20.

7:06 PM - The Raiders are 2-0 for the first time since 2002. And all I can say is, man ... do I love football, with a passion.

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LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play from Week One's Raiders vs. Jets Game

12:25 PM EST -- Well, another NFL season is upon us, folks. Needless to say, there are quite a few storylines heading into the first week of play for my beloved Raiders, beginning with our NINTEENTH starting QB since 2003, Mr. Derek Carr, taking snaps on his very first pro game that matters.

12:26 PM EST -- Just to let you know, the neighbor’s Wi-Fi sucks, so I probably won’t be able to give you all the up-to-the-second stats like normal.

12:28 PM EST -- On the CBS pre-game, the morning crew is talking about today’s Raiders/Jets game. Derek Carr is the only rookie QB, they inform us, getting a start during week one.

12:30 PM EST -- Wow, this is the most week one coverage the Raiders have received on a pregame show since…forever, probably.

12:31 PM EST --  In terms of other offseason additions, I reckon the two biggest on offensive and defense, respectively, are Maurice Jones Drew (perhaps the only halfback in the league MORE injury prone than D-Mac) and Khalil Mack, who very well COULD be the next Ray Lewis. And that’s not just because he wears number 52 … and hopefully, not because he’ll kill somebody, either.

12:34 PM EST -- Of course, if that homicide victim’s name just so happens to rhyme with “Hatin’ Canning,” I probably wouldn’t mind too much.

12:35 PM EST -- Breaking news from elsewhere around the League: apparently, Cam Newton won’t be under center for the Panthers today. If you didn’t already have Carolina in your death pool for the week…

12:37 PM EST -- Aww man, I should probably address all the Raiders relocation rumors going on, no? Earlier in the week, the city of Oakland said they were willing to play ball to finance an $800 million new stadium in the East Bay -- considering Tommy Boy’s executive decision making track record, yeah, that means the team will probably be playing in San Antonio this time next year.

12:41 PM EST -- In a complete and total shocker, the bar maid here has no idea how to change the TV channel. You’d figure they would do at least a week of training beforehand.

12:42 PM EST -- The bar is a hybrid Falcons/Vikings joint. That’s some pretty good synergy, having one team that can’t run and another that can’t pass given equal representation.

12:43 PM EST -- Last year, the city passed a ban on indoor smoking. You know who never got the memo? Everybody here, apparently.

12:46 PM EST -- Oh god, heaven help us all if the TV gets stuck on the Titans/Chiefs game…

12:48 PM EST -- Since it’s opening day, there’s a pretty god mix of fans here. So far, I’d have to say the Bengals faithful are the most rear-end-ugly.

12:51 PM EST -- You know what the funniest thing about Frank Caliendo is? Nothing.

12:52 PM EST -- I’m pretty sure I am the youngest person here, by about ten years. Either the NFL market skews towards an older demographic, or holy shit, does watching this shit week in, week out put the wrinkles on you.

12:53 PM EST -- And we are LIVE at the Meadowlands, with our hosts Jam Nantz and Phil Simms. Derek Carr is on the sideline; the last time a rookie Raiders QB had this much hype behind him, it was Jamar…oh, god, no!

12:56 PM EST -- And thanks to a torrential Atlanta downpour, we just lost our feed. God. Damn. It.

01:01 PM EST -- Well, your guess is as good as mine as to what the hell’s happening right now. Anywhere in the world, actually.

01:03 PM EST -- There are umbrellas and small shrubs flying around everywhere outside. I’m not kidding. Cue incredibly tasteless joke about it being ironic that the Saints are in town this weekend, if you want.

01:07 PM EST -- The radio just kicked on, and started playing “Mmmbop.” And I now have the Wi-Fi password, bitches!

01:11 PM EST -- Apparently, it’s a 3 and 21 situation for the Jets at the Raiders 43 or so.

01:12  PM EST -- Jets kick a FG for an early 3-0 lead. And now, the Raiders take the field…presumably for the first time today.

01:13 PM EST -- And LOL, CANADIAN Football is playing on the Falcons screen now, for some bizarre reason.

01:14 PM EST -- The Raiders will begin on their own 20.

01:17 PM EST -- Folks, the Carr era is set to begin. Third and six. A yellow flag on the Jets makes it a third and one. Doesn’t look like Oakland converts.

01:20 PM EST -- King punts it away. Jets start at their own 30, and they run it for close to a first down. But there’s a flag on the Jets, so it’s coming back.

01:23 PM EST -- WOODSON WITH AN INTERCEPTION! The Raiders get it back around the Jets own 20!

01:25 PM EST -- Second and 2 for Oakland. And it looks like MJD got dropped for a loss.

01:26 PM EST -- The Raiders pick up a new set of downs on a short shuttle pass. On first down, MJD barrels forward for about five.

01:27 PM EST -- Carr playing small ball so far. With the run to short yardage pass game, it certainly feels like the old Gannon and Garner years.

01:28 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Rod Streator with a 12-yard reception to put the Silver and Black up 7-3.

01:31 PM EST -- And the Jets will be starting their next possession WAY behind their own 15. Will the Raiders blitz like crazy?

01:34 PM EST -- Third down coming up. And they convert, unfortunately.

01:36 PM EST -- And a shaky Geno Smith gets sacked behind the line of scrimmage as the first quarter concludes.

01:40 PM EST -- Third and eight for the Jets, and ANOTHER penalty sets them back even further. A third and 13 now. And Smith scrambles for a new set of downs.

01:41 PM EST -- Oh goodness, this pass defense could use some improvement…

01:42 PM EST -- And the Jets are in the red zone.

01:43 PM EST -- Geno tries to rush it in for a TD and HE FUMBLES THE BALL. The Raiders with their second forced turnover of the game!

01:47 PM EST -- ANOTHER Jets penalty gives the Raiders a new set of downs.  And a short, surgical strike down the middle gives the Raiders another first.

01:49 PM EST -- Following the millionth Jets penalty of the afternoon, the D-MAC rushes for another Oakland first down.

01:52 PM EST -- Third and three. The pass is NEARLY picked off by a defender, but the gods appear to be shining on Oakland today. Out comes the punting unit. The Jets get possession at their own 20.

01:54 PM EST -- The Raiders have 78 total yards compared to the Jets' 148. The real story here, however, is the penalty ratio. The Jets have been flagged seven times for 50 yards, while the Raiders have committed absolutely ZERO. Talk about an M. Night twist!

01:56 PM EST -- Third down coming up for the Jets. And they are going to have to punt it away.

01:57 PM EST -- And the Raiders will be starting their next drive at about the Jets' 40.

01:59 PM EST -- About a third and four coming up. On the run, and Carr's got to chunk it away. Out comes King to punt. And the Jets start at their own 20.

02:03 PM EST -- And over in Pittsburgh, we have ourselves a rare "kicking a motherfucker right in the face" penalty...

02:05 PM EST -- Third down coming up for the Jets. And Smith runs for a new set of downs.

02:07 PM EST -- The Jets are close to red zone territory now. To be fair, Chris Johnson is having a pretty good day on the ground. 1:54 left in the first half. The Jets have 208 total yards, while the Raiders have just 79.

02:12 PM EST -- Jets on the Raiders' 10. Second and goal.And now a third down. Thirty-four seconds left in the second quarter.

02:16 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN JETS. A Johnson reception makes it a 10-7 game.

02:20 PM EST -- And we head to halftime, with a three point game. Admittedly, I haven't been that impressed by either Oakland's offense or defense. At this point, the team's lack of penalties and the Jets beating the shit out of themselves has kept the Raiders in the ballgame. But, yeah, the O-line is much improved, I suppose.

02:26 PM EST -- The big shocker of the day thus far? The Jacksonville Jaguars are currently blanking the highly touted Philadelphia Eagles, 17-goose egg.

02:27 PM EST -- The Raiders get the ball to begin the second half. Here's hoping for a third quarter offensive surge...

02:29 PM EST -- You know what kind of people share a passion for both NFL football and women's tennis? No kind of people, that's who.

02:33 PM EST -- And the Raiders will begin at the Jets' 40.

02:34 PM EST -- And MJD just attempted a field goal kick on second down for a 21-yard loss. And then the Raiders get hit with a delay of game penalty. F-M-L.

02:35 PM EST -- Second and 26. Now, it's three and 25. An absolutely pitiful three and out for the Raiders. The Jets will begin at their own 20.

02:38 PM EST -- Johnson is just chewing up the Raiders defense today. And the Jets are already at mid-field. And the Raiders are FINALLY able to drop #21 behind the line for a loss. And Justin Tuck is injured. Freaking great.

02:43 PM EST -- Third and 11 coming up. Oakland really needs a stop here. But that's cool, Woodson just got a holding call, so they get a fresh set of downs.

02:44 PM EST -- Well, Khalil Mack hasn't done shit today. Johnson gets smashed for a loss, so its third and seven for New York. And a Jets pass interference call negates what would have been a huge pick up! Third and seventeen now. Looks like the Jets are going to have to punt.

02:46 PM EST -- Hey, Mr. Carr? Now is probably a good time to, you know, start doing shit and stuff. Raiders begin around their own 15.

02:49 PM EST -- Third down coming up. And Carr gets sacked. The Jets will begin at damn near midfield.

02:52 PM EST -- You know, for the longest time, I thought the big problem with the Raiders was their QB situation. As it turns out, maybe the reason why the Raiders have sucked all these years is, you know, simply the face that they're the Raiders.

02:56 PM EST -- And the Jets get flagged for a face mask. Really, the Jets miscues have been the only thing keeping Oakland in this game. Smith scrambles to make it a 2 and 13.

02:59 PM EST -- Third and four, with the Jets eyeing the Raiders' end zone. And Smith gets sacked. A field goal makes this one 13-7, New York.

03:03 PM EST -- MJD has ZERO yards today. So of course, he would just turn around and break off a 10 yard reception.

03:05 PM EST -- About third and six coming up. The blitz is on, so Carr has to chunk it away. King punts. Jets begin at their own 30.

03:07 PM EST -- The Jets have over 300 total yards. The Raiders have about 70. End of the third.

03:11 PM EST -- Looks like about a third and five for the Jets. And the Raiders' D makes a much, much needed stop. The question now is, can Carr do anything once the ball is in his hands?

03:12 PM EST -- And Oakland begins on their own five. And three and 10 approaching.

03:13 PM EST -- And Carr has ANOTHER delay of game penalty. The Raiders have done literally NOTHING for the last half hour of this game.

03:16 PM EST -- And the Jets take control of the ball at their own 45. The Raiders have just 11 rushing yards on the day.

03:17 PM EST -- Oakland actually has NEGATIVE TWO YARDS the entire second half thus far.

03:19 PM EST -- 2008 Detroit Lions ... you might just have some company.

03:20 PM EST -- Third and three for the Jets. Chris Johnson has more yards than the entire Raiders team. But at least the D comes up for a pivotal stop.

03:21 PM EST -- Less than 10 minutes left in the game. The Raiders need a touchdown in the worst possible way.

03:23 PM EST -- And another third and 10 situation for the Raiders. I've seen more of Marquette King's ass today than my own girlfriend's.

03:26 PM EST -- Jets will begin at about their own 30.

03:27 PM EST -- You know what fall tastes like? Watery Mr. Pibb and disappointment.

03:29 PM EST --

03:30 PM EST -- A 70-yard touchdown gives the Jets a 19-7 advantage. Shit, at least Jamarcus Russell could fucking run a little...

03:33 PM EST -- Eight minutes left in the fourth. The Raiders will begin at their own 20. Third and fourth coming up. 

03:34 PM EST -- And a false start call negates what has been the Raiders first first down since the late 1970s. And a roughing the passer call gives the Raiders a new set of downs.

03:37 PM EST -- And a holding call gives the Raiders another set of downs. Less than seven minutes left in the game. Oakland is now at midfield.

03:39 PM EST -- Carr eats dirt. Uh...do we still have Matt McGloin on the roster?

03:41 PM EST --And Oakland goes for it on 4th and 14. And they get a false start for their efforts. Here comes Marquette. 

03:43 PM EST -- Well, this team looks like utter fucking garbage. I think this may be a new franchise record for just how early I abandoned hope for the entire season. 

03:45 PM EST -- Well, the Raiders get a pointless stop on third and one, at least. 

03:46 PM EST -- Closing in on the two minute warning. The Raiders need two touchdowns. This shit will not happen in infinity years.

03:47 PM EST -- One minute, 57 seconds left. The Raiders are playing for nothing more than pride at this point. The most miserable, pathetic, saddest kind of pride that there is. 

03:49 PM EST -- Schaub on the sideline. Well, we sure as hell don't have a QB controversy or anything heading into week two. 

03:53 PM EST -- And the Raiders with pretty much a meaningless touchdown. But yeah, that one handed catch by Jacoby Jones was pretty sweet. And it's under review. Well, the 30-yard strike stands -- that might mean something to you if Carr's on your fantasy team, I suppose.

05:30 PM EST -- And my laptop decides to go dead with two minutes left in the game, which is actually a rather fitting homage to how the Raiders played today. Janikowski went for (and failed) on an onside kick, the Jets ran out the clock, and that's our ballgame. Oh well, at least catching the tail end of the Falcons/Saints game was fun. Is that what professional football looks like? 'Cause we sure as hell ain't going to be seeing that in Oakland anytime soon. 

05:32 PM EST -- Our final score from New Jersey? Jets, 19, Raiders 14. I hate football...with a passion. 

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