Showing posts with label Oakland Raiders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Oakland Raiders. Show all posts

Saturday, February 1, 2020

Monday, January 27, 2020

Sunday, December 29, 2019

Sunday, November 24, 2019

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Sunday, October 27, 2019

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Sunday, December 17, 2017

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play Coverage From Week 15's Raiders vs. Cowboys Game!

This Week's Episode:
"Seriously ... win or GTFO"


By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@Jimbo X

It's It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including tonight's homestand against Dallas. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Dec. 17 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 15's Raiders vs. Cowboys game, with the festivities beginning at 8 p.m. Eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter)

 11:43 a.m. - Tonight's game is a primetime affair that will be starting around 8:30 P.M. 

 11:44 a.m. - The Raiders are 6-7 and have to run the table and if they want even an outside shot of making the playoffs. The Cowboys are 7-6 and have to run the table and then get some help to sneak their way into the postseason. So, yeah, both of these teams are pretty much fighting for their livelihoods here, with the loser essentially eliminated from the playoffs race.

 11:46 a.m. - For the Raiders, Amari Cooper and Clive Walford are both scratches. Cory James and Obi Melifonwu are on the I.R., and David Amerson is doubtful.

 11:47 a.m. - The Cowboys will be without Justin Durant and Brice Butler. James Hanna, Tyron Smith and La'el Collins are all listed as questionable. And, of course, Ezekiel Elliot is still suspended. 

 11:48 a.m. - Vegas has the Cowboys listed as -3 favorites, with the over/under set at 46.5. Oddly enough, ESPN's Football Power Index gives the Raiders a 52 percent chance to win tonight's homestand.

 11:50 a.m. - And here are the relevant season offensive and defensive stats:

11:52 a.m. - Anyhoo, we'll be seeing you again closer to gametime. Enjoy your Sunday, kids, and I'll be catching you on the other side around 8 p.m. Eastern.

 8:25 p.m. - So is that Carrie Underwood doing the opening Sunday Night Football theme? Man, that one country musing singing asshole is crazy as shit to leave her for Gwen Stefani. 

 8:26 p.m. - Per Chris Collinsworth, the biggest problem with the Raiders this season is that they "don't know who they are." Which is a funny way of saying "the secondary is shit and our receivers are allergic to holding onto the ball."

 8:32 p.m. - Mario Edwards, Jr. is out for the Raiders, too. The Cowboys are getting the ball first.

 8:32 p.m. - Cowboys starting at their own 25 yard line.

 8:33 p.m. - Williams holds onto the ball to move the chains.

 8:34 p.m. - Morris runs it for about five yards up the gut.

 8:34 p.m. - There's Williams with another first down reception. But a flag is down. It's pass interference against Dallas.

 8:35 p.m. - Second and 15. Morris finds a hole and gets a 16-yard gain for a new set of downs.

 8:36 p.m. - Witten is wide open and he makes the catch for 12.

 8:36 p.m. - Morris goes down around the line of scrimmage.

 8:37 p.m. - Prescott's under pressure and the pass to Witten is no good.

 8:38 p.m. - Third and 10. INTERCEPTED BY SEAN SMITH!

 8:41 p.m. - Marshawn runs for about nine on first down.

 8:41 p.m. - Marshawn loses three on second down.

 8:42 p.m. - Third and five. The pass to Crabtree is no good. And just like that - the Raiders have to punt it away.

 8:43 p.m. - The punt lands around the DAL 30.

 8:46 p.m. - Morris runs for about seven.

 8:46 p.m. - Second and four. Brown hauls it in to move the sticks.

 8:47 p.m. - Prescott scrambles and slides for close to a five yard gain.

 8:47 p.m. - The fullback pushes it to the OAK 41 for another set of downs.

 8:48 p.m. - Morris takes it inside the OAK 30 on a 12-yard run. He is killing it up the gut tonight.

 8:49 p.m. - And Morrow drops Morris behind the line for a loss of three yards.

 8:49 p.m. - Second and 13. Smith gets pushed out of bounds after a five yard reception.

 8:50 p.m. - Third and 8. Morrow chases Prescott down and Dak has to dump it. Fourth down approaches.

 8:51 p.m. - Dallas goes for a 45-yard field goal attempt. It's good. Dallas leads it, 3-0, with five minutes left in the first quarter.

 8:55 p.m. - Raiders start this next drive at their own 25. 

 8:56 p.m. - Neutral zone infraction against Dallas gives the Raiders five free yards.

 8:56 p.m. - Jared Cook is very, very close to a first down haul.

 8:56 p.m. - Second and one. Lynch goes down two yards behind the line of scrimmage. Flags are down.

 8:57 p.m. - Donald Penn is down, and he looks severely injured.

 9:00 p.m. - Third and three. Michael Crabtree drops it. Vadal Alexander is filling in the leftside gap for Penn.

 9:02 p.m. - Raiders punt it away.
This guy's face sums up the season about as well as any numbers could.

 9:03 p.m. - Rod Smith gets hit right at the line on first down.

 9:04 p.m. - Hannah catches it down at the OAK 20. A 31-yard pick-up.

 9:06 p.m. - Smith gets stuffed at the line.

 9:07 p.m. - Play action pass, and the Cowboys take it inside the OAK 5. And that's the end of the first.

 9:10 p.m. - Prescott scrambles and gets tackled at the four yard line.

 9:10 p.m. - Second and goal. And Sean Smith gets flagged for pass interference.

 9:11 p.m. - Dallas gets a new set of downs at the OAK 1.

 9:11 p.m. - And Smith barrels into the end zone for a touchdown.

 9:12 p.m. - The XP is good. With 14 minutes left in the second quarter, the Cowboys lead it 10-0.

 9:15 p.m. - Patterson has a good punt return, but flags are down.

 9:16 p.m. - Yep, it's two holding calls against the Raiders.

 9:17 p.m. - Lynch gets maybe a yard on the run. Another flag is down.

 9:17 p.m. - Holding against the Raiders.

 9:18 p.m. - First and 15. ANOTHER FLAG IS DOWN.

 9:18 p.m. - False start against Oakland. I'm pretty sure that puts them at their own 1 yard line now.

 9:19 p.m. - Richard hauls it in at the OAK 12.

 9:19 p.m. - Second and seven. The deep shot to Crabtree downfield in triple coverage is no good. Shit, we're lucky that one wasn't picked off.

 9:20 p.m. - Third and seven. And Carr scrambles and slides to FINALLY get this offense a first down.

 9:21 p.m. - Carr tosses the ball to the ground because everybody's covered.

 9:22 p.m. - Second and 10. Lynch runs for about five yards.

 9:22 p.m. - Third and five. Crabtree catches the ball, fumbles it, and thankfully, recovers the pigskin for a few extra yards.

 9:23 p.m. - Patterson hit for a four-yard loss on an end-around.

 9:24 p.m. - Second and 14. Lynch with about five on a pitch and catch.

 9:25 p.m. - Third and eight. Crabtree hauls it in, but he looks like he's a yard short of the first down marker.

 9:25 p.m. - Fourth and one, and King is out to punt. The Cowboys fair catch it at their own 10.

 9:29 p.m. - Second and 10. Morris goes down behind the line for a one yard loss.

 9:30 p.m. - Third and 11. Mack almost sacks Prescott in the end zone and Dak throws it away. And the Raiders' D gets hit with a holding call.

 9:31 p.m. - First and 10 for Dallas. The Raiders take a timeout.

 9:32 p.m. - MACK SACKS PRESCOTT!

 9:33 p.m. - Second and 15. Smith gets a very short gain on the run.

 9:34 p.m. - Third and 12. And Witten hauls in the first down pass on a 13-yard pick up.

 9:34 p.m. - Morris goes down at the line.

 9:35 p.m. - Second and 10. Bowman drags down Morris after a one-yard gain.

 9:36 p.m. - Third and nine. The pass is ALMOST intercepted by T.J. Carrie, but he can't hold on to it.

 9:36 p.m. - Dallas punts. The Raiders fair catch it at their on 30 with about three minutes left in the second.

 9:40 p.m. - Lynch runs for nine on first down.

 9:40 p.m. - Second and one. Lynch gets hit right at the line.

 9:40 p.m. - Third and one. Looks like Carr has enough on a QB sneak to move the chains.

 9:44 p.m. - A deep shot to Crabtree falls short. A flag is down. It's offsides against Dallas.

 9:44 p.m. - First and five. Lynch takes it to the DAL 45.

 9:45 p.m. - Carr hits Crabtree for a nine yard gain.

 9:45 p.m. - Second and 1 with 90 seconds left.

 9:46 p.m. - Washington appears to have enough to convert.

 9:46 p.m. - Roberts with a five yard gain, but he doesn't get out of bounds.

 9:47 p.m. - Washington takes it to the DAL 30. And the Raiders call a timeout.

 9:49 p.m. - Carr is hit as he's thrown and the pass to Patterson is incomplete.

 9:50 p.m. - Second and 10 with 21 seconds left in the half.

 9:51 p.m. - Cook takes it to the DAL 11. The Raiders take their last timeout of the half.

 9:52 p.m. - Fourteen seconds left. COOK HAULS IN THE TOUCHDOWN!

 9:52 pm. - Oh fuck, there's a flag down. Pass interference against the Raiders for negative ten yards.

9:52 p.m. - Carr getting chased down in the backfield. He tosses it out of bounds with three seconds left on the clock.

 9:54 p.m. - Here comes Giorgio. And it's no fucking good.
So you're saying we've got a chance, huh?

9:54 p.m. - That's the end of the second quarter, kids. Dallas leads it 10-0, but the Raiders will get the ball back to begin the third.

 9:56 p.m. - Time to walk a puppy. See you back here in about 20, folks.

 10:08 p.m. - Patterson appears to have a 100 yard kickoff return, but two flags are down in the backfield.

 10:10 p.m. - Of course it's against Oakland. So they get pinned back to their own 10.

 10:10 p.m. - Lynch with a 12 yard run. Well, that's a positive, at least.

 10:10 p.m. - LOL at Collinsworth talking about the Raiders having a shitty play-action game. And sure enough, Lynch gets gobbled up behind the line of scrimmage as soon as he says it.

 10:11 p.m. - Second and 12. Lynch with an eight yard catch.

 10:12 p.m. - Third and four. Flags are down before the line is snapped. False start against the Raiders.

 10:13 p.m. - Third and nine. And Washington fights his way to move the sticks.

 10:13 p.m. - Damn, do I LOVE the Madden Cam. I wish that was the default camera POV the whole game.

 10:14 p.m. - Second and eight. Lynch gets a yard, maybe two on the run up the gut.

 10:15 p.m. - Third and six. And Carr runs for 32 yards downfield. Whew!

 10:16 p.m. - Play action. Crabtree doesn't hold on to the pigskin.

 10:16 p.m. - Second and 10 at the DAL 20. Lynch barrels it inside the DAL 5. A 19 yard gain.

 10:17 p.m. - First and goal at the DAL 2. TOUCHDOWN MICHAEL CRABTREE! They went 90 yards on 11 plays and ate up almost seven minutes of gametime.

 10:18 p.m. - The XP is good. It's 10-7, Dallas, with eight minutes left in the third quarter.

 10:21 p.m. - The Dallas return man gets waylaid at the Cowboys' 15.

 10:21 p.m. - Morris gets a yard. Maybe.

 10:22 p.m. - Second and nine. Another incompletion.

 10:23 p.m. - Third and nine. SEAN SMITH INTERCEPTS THE BALL AND RETURNS IT FOR A TD!

 10:23 p.m. - Never mind. The INT stands, but Smith is ruled down by contact back at the OAK 22. 

 10:26 p.m. - Incomplete to Crabtree in the end zone.

 10:27 p.m. - Second and 10. Lynch can't get beyond the line of scrimmage.

 10:28 p.m. - Third and nine. The pass to Washington is dropped.

 10:29 p.m. - Giorgio is out for the game-tying field goal.

 10:30 p.m. - It's a 39-yarder. And it's good. We've got a tied ball game with about six minutes left in the third.

 10:32 p.m. - Cowboys take over at their own 25. Morris gets two on the first down run.

 10:33 p.m. - Second and eight. PRESCOTT GETS SACKED BY MACK AGAIN!

 10:34 p.m. - Third and 11. And Beasley can't hold on to the rock. Dallas must punt.

 10:35 p.m. - And Chris Jones takes it to the DAL 48 on a fake punt. Well, don't they beat all.

 10:35 p.m. - And the follow-up flea flicker results in an incomplete deep downfield.

 10:36 p.m. - Second and 10. Prescott's throw to Witten is way underthrown. A flag is down.

 10:37 p.m. - Pass interference against the Raiders.

 10:38 p.m. - Witten takes it to the OAK 40.

 10:38 p.m. - Second and three. Smith runs it up the gut to convert.

 10:39 p.m. - The pass to Bryant is incomplete. Flags are down.

 10:39 p.m. - Holding against the Cowboys puts 'em back ten yards.

 10:40 p.m. - First and 20. Wait - how the fuck is it first and goal now? My feed just skipped ahead two whole minutes!

 10:41 p.m. - And Prescott runs into the end zone for a rushing score. They went 75 yards on 11 plays.

 10:42 p.m. - And the XP is good. Dallas regain the lead, 17-0, with a minute left in the third.

 10:45 p.m. - And Patterson runs all the way up to midfield before fumbling the ball out of bounds. That means the Raiders start their next drive at their own 48.

 10:48 p.m. - The first down pass is incomplete to Cook.

 10:49 p.m. - Second and 10. Crabtree goes nowhere after hauling in a short catch. And that's all she wrote for the third quarter.

 10:52 p.m. - Third and nine. AND ROBERTS HOLDS ON TO IT AFTER A DEFLECTION FOR A 28-YARD GAIN!

 10:53 p.m. - Dallas is challenging whether or not Roberts maintained possession.

 10:56 p.m. - THE CALL STANDS AND DALLAS LOSES A TIMEOUT.

 10:56 p.m. - Lynch rumbles for four yards.

 10:56 p.m. - Second and six. Lee Smith gets three yards.

 10:57 p.m. - Third and three. And Crabtree hauls it in to move the sticks.

 10:58 p.m. - False start against the Raiders makes it first and 15.

 10:59 p.m. - Lynch breaks a tackle and gets about six yards.

 11:00 p.m. - Second and 10. Shit, Roberts ALMOST had the TD.

 11:00 p.m. - Flags are down. It's illegal contact against the Cowboys. The Raiders get an automatic first down.

 11:01 p.m. - First and goal at the DAL 8. The end zone shot to Crabtree is way overthrown.

 11:02 p.m. - Second and goal. Lynch rumbles down to the DAL 2.

 11:02 p.m. - Third and goal. Holy shit, what a time for the feed to freeze up.
...when your season is literally lost by the width of a goddamn index card.

11:04 p.m. - TOUCHDOWN MICHAEL CRABTREE! The XP is good, and it's all knotted up again, 17-17.

 11:05 p.m. - Dallas takes over at their own 25.

 11:07 p.m. - Bryant loses four yards on a terrible end-around attempt.

 11:08 p.m. - Second and 14. Prescott runs for eight, but flags are down in the backfield.

 11:09 p.m. - A ten yard holding call against Dallas.

 11:09 p.m. - Second and 24. Smith gets - eight, I guess?

 11:10 p.m. - Third and 18. Beasley catches it about two yards shy of the first down marker.

 11:10 p.m. - Cowboys punt. The ball goes out of bounds around the OAK 20. Flags are down.

 11:11 p.m. - Ten yard holding penalty against the Raiders.

 11:14 p.m. - Carr almost sacked, but he manages to target Lynch for a short gain.

 11:15 p.m. - Second and eight. Lynch runs for about four.

 11:15 p.m. - Third and four. Cook drops what would've been a first down haul. Raiders have to punt.

 11:16 p.m. - The Cowboys' return man goes out of bounds near the DAL 30.

 11:20 p.m. - The pass to Bryant is no good.

 11:20 p.m. - Second and 10. Morris gets hit behind the line.

 11:20 p.m. - Third and 10. Witten looks like he may have picked up the first down.

 11:21 p.m. - Yep, it's ruled a first down. Now the Raiders are challenging the spot of the ball.

 11:22 p.m. - Looks like Witten was half a yard short on the replay.

 11:23 p.m. - The call on the field is overturned. It's fourth down and half a yard for the Cowboys.

 11:24 p.m. - Prescott goes for a sneak. He may have come up short.

 11:25 p.m. - The referees used an index card to measure the spot. The refs say they got the first down by like a centimeter.

 11:26 p.m. - Cowboys at midfield. Morris runs for two.

 11:27 p.m. - Second and eight. Bryant hauls the catch inside the OAK 10.

 11:29 p.m. - Second and goal. And that's the two minute warning.

 11:32 p.m. - Morris is half a yard short. Raiders call a timeout.

 11:33 p.m. - Third and goal. And Morris is stopped four inches shy of end zone.

 11:34 p.m. - Raiders take their second timeout.

 11:34 p.m. - Fourth and goal. The Cowboys come out for a field goal.

 11:34 p.m. - The kick is good. Dallas takes back the lead, 20-17, with 1:44 left in regulation.

 11:35 p.m. - Patterson goes out around the OAK 30. Flags are down.

 11:37 p.m. - It's against the Raiders. That costs them 10 yards.

 11:37 p.m. - The pass to Roberts is batted away.

 11:38 p.m. - Roberts holds on to it at the OAK 30. A 19-yard gain.

 11:39 p.m. - The pass to Crabtree is no good.

 11:39 p.m. - Crabtree is overthrown.
How long is the distance between utter despair and the will to live? Three feet, apparently.

11:40 p.m. - Third and 10. 1:05 left on the clock. Almost picked off.

 11:40 p.m. - Fourth and 10. This is the season, kids.

 11:40 p.m. - The deep shot to Crabtree is no good but FLAGS ARE EVERYWHERE.

 11:41 p.m. - PASS INTERFERENCE AGAINST DALLAS. That puts the Raiders at the Dallas 10. That gave them 55 free yards.

 11:42 p.m. - Second and three. It's knocked out of Crabtree's hands. 

 11:43 p.m. - Dallas take an injury timeout.

 11:44 p.m. - Third and three. Thirty-nine seconds left.

 11:44 p.m. - Carr scrambles, he goes down at the one ... and then he fumbles out of the endzone for a goddamn touchback.

 11:46 p.m. - It's being reviewed. The touchback is confirmed. And the Cowboys will run out the clock.

 11:49 p.m. - The Cowboys win 20-17. The Raiders fall to 6-8, and their season is officially over, two games early.

11:50 p.m. - See you next year, Raiders' faithful. Here's hoping 2018 is a damn sight better than 2017.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

LIVE Play-By-Play Coverage of Week 14's Raiders vs. Chiefs Game!

Today's Episode:
"Better Late Than Never, Huh?"


By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

It's It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including this afternoon's road test against Kansas City. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Dec. 10 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 12's Raiders vs. Chiefs game, with the festivities beginning at 1 p.m. Eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter)
10:33 AM - Alright, the Raiders and the Chiefs are both 6-6 heading into week 14, and whoever wins this one will be the de facto AFC West leader ... at least for a couple of hours, anyway, pending the Chargers win their game against the Redskins later this afternoon.

10:34 AM - Amari Cooper and Cordarrelle Patterson are both listed as questionable for the Raiders, while Cory James and Jihad Ward are both listed as doubtful. Jon Feliciano is a known scratch. Wait - does that mean David Amerson and Gareon Conley are playing today?

10:38 AM - For the Chiefs, Mitch Morse and Eric Murray are both out. Dee Ford is on the injured reserve and Marcus Peters is suspended. 

10:40 AM - Vegas has the Chiefs as -4.5 favorites, with an over/under set at 48.5. ESPN's Football Power Index gives K.C. a 70 percent chance to win the game.

10:41 AM - And here are the relevant offensive and defensive stats:


10:42 - Kickoff is at 1 p.m. I'll see you then, kids.

1:01 PM - It's 50 degrees in Kansas City. Amari Cooper WILL be playing today.

1:03 PM - The Raiders get the ball first.

1:03 PM - The Raiders take a knee in the end zone.

1:03 PM - Crabtree can't hold on to the first down pass.

1:04 PM - Lynch is hit behind the line.

1:05 PM - Third and 11. And Carr gets sacked after running into Keleche Osmele. Yes, his own O-line. 

1:06 PM - Raiders punt. The ball lands right at midfield.

1:06 PM - A flag is down. Ten yard holding call against the Chiefs.

1:06 PM - Kelce gets four on the pass.

1:07 PM - Hunt runs for enough to move the sticks.

1:08 PM - Hunt runs for three.

1:08 PM - Smith runs down to the OAK 29. A 16-yard scramble.

1:09 PM - IRVIN SACKS SMITH!

1:10 PM - A six yard loss for K.C. The pass to Harris is incomplete.

1:11 PM - Third and 16. Smith slides after a two-yard run.

1:11 PM - The Chiefs are trying for a field goal. It's a 53-yard attempt. It's good. K.C. takes an early lead, 3-0.

1:15 PM - Raiders take over around their own 25.

1:15 PM - Lynch gets a yard, maybe two.

1:16 PM - LYNCH WITH A HUGE GAIN! A 27-yard run up the gut.

1:16 PM - The pass to Crabtree is incomplete.

1:17 PM - A short pass to Walford. A six yard gain.

1:18 PM - Third and four. Carr overshoots Walford by a mile. Marquette King is out to punt.

1:21 PM - Chiefs dialed back to their own 13. Hunt runs for seven.

1:22 PM - Hunt gets four and converts.

1:23 PM - Harris gets around three or four tackles for a 24-yard catch and run. That puts the ball around midfield for K.C.

1:24 PM - Hunt runs for five. 

1:24 PM - Hunt looks like he went down just a few inches shy of the first down marker.

1:25 PM - And the Chiefs convert on third down.

1:26 PM - False start against the offense makes it 1st and 15.

1:26 PM - Hunt gets two, possibly three on the run.

1:27 PM - Second and 13. IRVIN SACKS SMITH AGAIN!

1:28 PM - Third and 16. The Chiefs call a timeout.

1:31 PM - And Tyreek Hill takes it down to the OAK 28.

1:31 PM - Incomplete to Wilson.

1:32 PM - Kelce can't hang on to the end zone sho.

1:32 PM - Third and 10. Smith tries to scramble, but he gets hit before he crosses the first down plain. Hey, it's a holding call against the Raiders. How about that.

1:33 PM - Mario Edwards, Jr. is heading to the locker room.

1:34 PM - And the Chiefs call another timeout.

1:35 PM - And Kelce punches in the 17 yard catch and run for a touchdown.

1:36 PM - Oh, and Kelce's is walking off the field now with some trainers.

1:36 PM - The refs say Kelce's knee was down before he got into the end zone, so those six points are coming off the board. And that'll do us for the first quarter.

1:40 PM - And Kareem Hunt easily saunters in for the one-yard TD run.

1:41 PM - Believe it or not, that's his first touchdown in nine games.

1:41 PM - The XP is good. That makes it 10-0, K.C. with 14:57 left in the second quarter.

1:44 PM - Raiders take over at their own 25.

1:45 PM - Lynch gets one on the run.

1:45 PM - Pattterson with two on the catch and run.

1:46 PM - Third and seven. It's incomplete to Patterson. Raiders have to punt again.

1:47 PM - Hill fair catches it at the K.C. 37.

1:49 PM - Wilson with a 63-yard pick up.

1:50 PM - Hunt gets two before getting popped by Cowser.

1:50 PM - Second and eight. Hunt with enough to move the sticks.

1:51 PM - Kelce gets about four on the catch.

1:52 PM - Second and five. The pass to Kelce is no good.

1:52 PM - Third and five. And Kelce drops what would've been a first down pick-up.

1:53 PM - The Chiefs are out to try a field goal. It's good. Chiefs lead 13-10 with 10:48 left in the second quarter.

1:58 PM - Second and ten. Lynch with a seven yard run.

1:58 PM - Third and three. And there's Cook to reel in the Raiders' first first down conversion of the game.

1:59 PM - The Raiders call a timeout.

2:01 PM - Washington runs for three.

2:01 PM - Second and seven. Lee Smith got illegally shoved on the incompletion.

2:02 PM - That's 15 free yards for the Raiders. 

2:02 PM - Washington runs for one.

2:03 PM - Second and nine. Walford gets seven on the catch.

2:03 PM - It's third and three. And Washington has enough to move the sticks. But oh shit, Amari Cooper is down.

2:04 PM - Looks like he get rolled bad on the last play.

2:07 PM - Derek Carr is hit as he's thrown and the Chiefs pick off the weird-ass looking deflection.

2:11 PM - Hunt runs for three, possibly four.

2:11 PM - Hunt gets stopped a yard shy of the first down marker.

2:26 PM - Sorry, I had to take a huge shit just then. It's now 16-0 Kansas City, which means the Chiefs probably kicked a field goal or something.

2:27 PM - Minute left in the half. Third and five for K.C. McDonald hauls it in for a first down.

2:28 PM - The deep shot to Kelce on first down is no good.

2:28 PM - Smith is sacked by Irvin AGAIN. And that runs the clock down to halftime.

2:29 PM - Chiefs lead 16-0 heading into the third quarter. Time to walk a puppy and I'll see you in a couple of minutes.

2:43 PM - K.C. gets the ball back to begin the third quarter. Hunt gets plugged up at the line of scrimmage.

2:43 PM - Kelce takes it to the K.C. 46 - a 20-yard catch and run.

2:44 PM - Hill gets eight, maybe nine on a pass.

2:45 PM - Hunt with an eight-yard run.

2:46 PM - Hunt with another first down run - an 11-yard gain.

2:46 PM - The first down pass is incomplete.

2:46 PM - Kelce spins for five.

2:47 PM - At the OAK 23. Harris can't hold on to the end zone shot. Fourth down for the Chiefs coming up.

2:48 PM - The field goal is good. It's 19-0, Kansas City.

2:51 PM - Oakland takes over at their own 25. Derek Carr only has 31 yards passing on the day.

2:52 PM - Crabtree with a two-yard reception.

2:53 PM - Second and eight. Patterson gets hit right at the line.

2:54 PM - Third and nine. A flag is down. False start against the Raiders puts them back five more yards.

2:55 PM - Third and 14. Carr under pressure. He gets chased around in the backfield, and the pass to Holton is out of bounds. Time to punt.

2:58 PM - No dice on the first down pass to Kelce.

2:59 PM - Chiefs at their own 32. Kelce hauls it in for 16.

3:00 PM - K.C. with a two-yard gain.

3:00 PM - Second and eight. Hunt gets three on the run.

3:00 PM - Third and five. Smith overshoots his receiver. K.C. must punt for the first time today.

3:01 PM - Richard fair catches it at the OAK 10.

3:04 PM - ...the Raiders fumble the ball and K.C. goddamn recovers it at the OAK 20.

3:05 PM - That was Johny Holton with the giveaway. Fuck him right in the ass.

3:05 PM - And Karl Joseph turns around and INTERCEPTS ALEX SMITH. The fuck.

3:08 PM - First and ten at the OAK 10. Lynch runs for three. Flags are down. It's holding against the Raiders.

3:09 PM - Weird, they're playing Stone Cold's WWF music. First and 14. Patterson juggles it and the ball falls incomplete.

3:10 PM - Second and 14. The pass is underthrown to Crabtree.

3:11 PM - Third and 14. Oakland calls a timeout.

3:11 PM - The shuttle pass to Washington is no good. 

3:12 PM - Marquette King out to punt. Hill goes out of bounds at the OAK 40.

3:13 PM - Hunt with a seven yard run.

3:13 PM - Hunt with another big run. He takes it down to the OAK 13.

3:14 PM - Hunt goes down right at the line.

3:15 PM - And Charcandrick West churns 13 yards for a touchdown run.

3:16 PM - The XP is good. Kansas City leads it, 26-0.

3:18 PM - Crabtree with a 13-yard catch and run.

3:18 PM - Crabtree with nine yards. The Raiders are at midfield.

3:19 PM - Incomplete to Crabtree on a deep pass.

3:19 PM - And there's a five yard illegal shift penalty against Oakland.

3:20 PM - Second and six. Lynch gets four.

3:20 PM - Third and two. Patterson converts with a seven yard pick-up.

3:21 PM - Carr tries to scramble and he gets sacked.

3:21 PM - Second and 10. And Walford drops the first down gain after a big hit.

3:22 PM - Both Walford and the defender are down.

3:23 PM - Third and 10. And Carr tries to scramble and gets sacked again. 

3:24 PM - And that's the end of the third.

3:27 PM - Raiders punt. The ball rolls into the end zone, so that'll put K.C. at their own 25.

3:28 PM - Now Keith McGill is hurt. Fuck this fuckin' game, for fuck's sake.

3:29 PM - Hunt has a 16 yard run.

3:30 PM - Hunt is hit after a three yard gain.

3:30 PM - Wilson gets some good blocking and converts for the first.

3:30 PM - Hunt runs it up for the gut for three.

3:31 PM - Hunt gets maybe two yards on the run.

3:31 PM - The deep pass to Wilson is incomplete. Fourth down coming up.

3:32 PM - The Raiders almost block the punt. The Raiders should have great field position on their next drive.

3:35 PM - Lynch gets three on the pass.

3:36 PM - Second and 7. Incomplete to Crabtree.

3:36 PM - Third and 7. And Cook reels it in to move the sticks. An 18-yard gain.

3:37 PM - Cook with a 14-yard catch.

3:38 PM - And Washington comes close to running for a first down on a broken play.

3:38 PM - And they DO give him the first down. And there's Lynch with a 21 yard touchdown run. Giorgio's XP is good.

3:40 PM - It's now 26-7, Chiefs, with 8:35 left in the fourth.

3:41 PM - And the ball comes loose on the Chiefs' return. And the Raiders may have recovered.

3:44 PM - The Chiefs maintain position after the referees convene. Now Del Rio has dropped the challenge flag.

3:46 PM - Oh shit, the Raiders get the ball back at the KC 43. The pass to Cook is incomplete. But flags are down. 

3:47 PM - Pass interference against Kansas City. Crabtree takes the ball all the way down to the KC 5. But a flag is down. It's holding against Crabtree.

3:48 PM - First and 20. Lynch gets hit hard behind the line. 

3:49 PM - Second and 20. Crabtree with a 13 yard pick up.

3:50 PM - Third and seven. And Patterson can't hold on to it down the sideline.

3:51 PM - The Raiders are going for it on fourth and seven. The Chiefs call a timeout.

3:52 PM - TOUCHDOWN JARED COOK! A 30-yard plus reception!

3:53 PM - Raiders are going for two. And Crabtree hauls it in!

3:53 PM - It's now 26-15, Kansas City with about seven minutes left to play in regulation.

3:56 PM - Thomas goes out of bounds around the KC 25. 

3:57 PM - Hunt gets two on the run. 

3:57 PM - Second and eight. Hunt with three yards on the run.

3:58 PM - Third and five. And Albert Wilson gets seven yards to move the sticks.

3:59 PM - Hunt hit around the line. Flags are down.

4:00 PM - Holding against the Chiefs puts them back 10 yards.

4:00 PM - First and 20. Hunt runs for four.

4:00 PM - Second and 16. Hunt runs for seven, but the Chiefs get hit with ANOTHER holding penalty.

4:01 PM - Second and 26. West with four, maybe five yards.

4:02 PM - Third and 21. West is dropped way behind the line. The Raiders call a timeout as the Chiefs come out to punt.

4:03 PM - Richard fair catches it around the Raiders' 10.

4:04 PM - Roberts takes it to the OAK 19. That's a seven yard gain.

4:05 PM - Crabtree converts.

4:05 PM - And that's the two-minute warning.

4:08 PM - Crabtree gets six yards.

4:08 PM - Second and four. Roberts reels it in for 11 and steps out of bounds.

4:09 PM - Cook with seven.

4:10 PM - Second and three. It's incomplete.

4:11 PM - Third and three around midfield. Fifty six minutes left in the game.

4:11 PM - Crabtree gets eight and steps out of bounds. 

4:11 PM - False start call against the Raiders pushes them back five yards.

4:12 PM - First and 15. Holton gets 10 and goes out of bounds.

4:12 PM - Second and five. And the deep pass is intercepted by Kansas City.

4:13 PM - The Chiefs take a knee and run out the clock.

4:14 PM - Our final score from Kansas City? Chiefs 26, Raiders 15.

4:15 PM - All I can say is - fuck football. Fuck it right in its big leathery asshole.
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