The 2014 Taste of Marietta Food Festival!

AKA, Sample Size-A-Palooza '14! Featuring  Lobster Nacho Dip, Indian Food off the Back of a Truck, Alleged Aussie Treats, DEEP FRIED BROWNIES and Arguably the Best Shrimp Anyone Has Ever Eaten, Ever!

When you are in your teens and early 20s, nothing is cooler than rock and roll concerts. You get to bang your head to music played at near supersonic jet volume levels while smoking the weed, drinking the beer, and possibly making out with the occasional pseudo-punk hoochie mama. Indeed, such as the veritable essence of youth, and for a few years at least, such is the only thing in life that matters.

But then, something happens. As you get closer to being 30 than 20, all of that rocking and rolling nonsense suddenly becomes a lot less fun than it used to. Seemingly out of the blue, you realize just how dumb it is to spend upwards of $100 American to stand out in a field with a bunch of chain smokers high on molly while bands you liked 20 years ago lifelessly trudge through all of the tunes you know they hate themselves for even writing for hours on end.

If there was ever a concrete symbol of the passage from young adulthood to adulthood, it's the moment where you consciously realize that you enjoyed your pre-concert meal more than you did the concert you actually attended. My own spiritually transcendent epiphany, dear readers, was thoughtfully and eloquently spelled out for you last year. 

With nary a remorseful cell in my body, I can say with all authenticity that I much, much prefer events like the Taste of Marietta food festival to things like Music Midtown -- or the much-ballyhooed Counterpoint music fest, which, as fate would have it, was going on at the exact same time as the 2014 Taste celebrations. The leisurely pace, the fact that you're not being bombarded by loud noises, the ability to actually wind your way through the crowd, not to mention the fact that prevailing odors are actually pleasing scents as opposed to the B.O and Natural Light aroma of most concerts -- all aspects that CLEARLY make food festival forays much, much more enjoyable experiences in my humblest o' opinions. 

The 2014 Taste of Marietta Food Festival, you may be pondering? Well, it's an event not unlike the Street Food Festival that occurs annually in Atlanta -- except there's less people, more diverse food, no entry prices and you can actually buy dishes in convenient sample-sized form instead of being asked to shell out $10 for an entire taco platter. And also, they have gigantic cups of Greek Yogurt on display, too. 

There was also a giant inflatable bag of Nature's Choice bread, too, but alas, I never got around to snapping a pic. Hey, there was actual food to try out, and since my Gaelic genes only allow me to stay out in the sun for about an hour before bursting into flames, I suppose you understand its exclusion.

For those of you unfamiliar with Marietta, its a mid-sized city just outside of Atlanta. It's probably best known for being home to a gigantic chicken, although I always tell people it's the place where the T-1000 grew up. Such a tidbit, unfortunately, is regarded with far less enthusiasm from out-of-towners, so it seems. 

So, there's this thing in Marietta called "The Square," which is home to about a million billion restaurants and this old ass theater that sometimes shows public domain zombie movie marathons. It's also the alleged site of a Doobie Brothers mini-riot in the late 1970s, but for the sake of historicity, I cannot confirm or deny said allegation fully. Anyway, the Taste of Marietta festival was held in a gigantic, cordoned off block of the Square, where a good hundred or so vendors -- mostly, restaurants, but also a few weird ones, like a Harley Davidson booth, of all things -- were lined up like dominoes. And since it's an election year, there were a whole bunch of local politicians and their sycophants out in full force. Ironically enough, most of their makeshift gazebos were situated adjacent to a row of Port-a-Johns, but I digress. 

Of course, there was a lot of family-friendly (read: white people-centric) stuff going on, like a menagerie of inflatable kiddie attractions and a couple of high school garage bands, whom serenaded disinterested passer-byers with ancient Led Zeppelin and Van Halen numbers. So, yeah, like I was saying...plenty of whiteness going on today, for sure. 

Instead of giving you a standard photo essay, I reckon it would be easier -- and more informative -- if I just gave you folks a mini-review of each foodstuff I tried out. Break out the Maalox, amigos: reading this post from here on out may just give you a rad case of indigestion. 

First up, we've got this exquisite lobster corn cheese dip from Red Sky Tapas Bar, whose big claim to fame is that it's kinda' close by the neighborhood dollar theater. Or maybe they don't highlight that fact at all, but it doesn't really matter: this stuff is great, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Sure, sure, it looks like something a cat may have barfed on a Persian rug at first glance, but I assure you, this stuff is actually quite delicious. I don't know why, but it kinda' reminded me of a beef taco from Taco Bell; despite containing virtually none of the same ingredients (I'd imagine, anyway) the lobster queso spread was virtually identical in taste and texture to a pureed XL burrito. Oh, and the complimentary nacho chips, and the translucent, logo branded cup they gave me? Really, really nice touches, even though I ended up chunking the cup into a refuse bin five seconds after finishing the sample. Hey, forces of habit are forces of habit, after all. 

Though I suppose its only natural for one to have suspicions about the inherent quality of Indian cuisine on wheels, the Bollywood Zing! food truck actually had some pretty good food. There were only half a dozen or so trucks of the like at the festival, and this was far and away the most appetizing-sounding -- and on top of that, it's not like I'm likely to find that many other vegan-friendly dishes on display here or anything.

Ok, so it's a little bit too big to be described as a sample tray, but its definitely not a full restaurant-sized serving either. I'm not sure if I should give the truck operators bonus points for adding the extra grub or detract them from disobeying the "sample portions only" diktat, but at the end of the day? I got me some delicious chana masala, which in addition to being filling and flavorful, was given to me by a man with a very pronounced, albeit suspicious, Australian accent. If you think either of those things are negatives in my book, you haven't been paying  good attention to the blog, clearly. 

They really ought to give me a Pulitzer for this picture. If I had a million words to say about the Taste of Marietta food festival, and even the contemporary American South as a whole, I don't think anything would do as succinct a job of explaining everything you need to know than this solitary photograph. I mean, god-damn, would words even suffice regarding such a sight?

For those of you wondering, this is the brainchild of an organization called "Deep Fried Brownies" -- what they lack in creativity, I reckon they more than make up for in sheer descriptive accuracy. Indeed, the above picture is the eponymous foodstuff, a flash fried, chocolate square treat doused in confectioner's sugar -- and yes, you are not alone if you're thinking to yourself, "man, that thing looks a lot like Meatwad from 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force.'"

And here's the brownie circuitry that belies the carnival fair exoskeleton. It's pretty hard to describe what the actual dish tasted like, because it was comprised of such strangely parallel textures. The outer layer tasted more or less like your standard funnel cake, but the brownie itself -- perhaps inundated by the granules of powdery sugary, tasted almost acidly sweet, if that makes any sense. Don't get me wrong, it was delicious, but at the same time, it also tasted so gustatorily unusual. Indeed, my curiosity is piqued for their "Fried Oreos," and then some.

As a huge fan of marsupials and related marsupial iconography, I was really, really stoked to try out the Australian Bakery Cafe. That is, until we got to the booth, and we're told they we had to wait ten minutes at the least in order to pick up a warm entree. As such, me and Mrs. IIIA said "to heck with it, mate" and picked up their cheapest dessert item instead.

The above delicacy, I was informed, is something called a "Lamington." Basically, it's a chocolate sponge cake with a heaping dusting of coconut flakes atop it. As arguably the best Little Debbie snackcake Little Debbie never made, I had to give this one a big thumbs up...even though if they would've shape it like a koala, it would've been my favorite foodstuff ever.

And lastly, we come to this delicious offering from Seed Kitchen & Bar, which is one of the ritzier Marietta locales. Over the years, I've had some great shrimp entrees, but this tangy blend, with just a bit of an orange sauce taste and tincture, is quite possibly the single yummiest I've ever tried. And, because convenient allusions are the hot "in-thing," the name of the dish was "Tybee Island Shrimp" -- a locale long-time IIIA readers should be very familiar with. 

Needless to say, I motherfucking love events like this, and I'm sure my sardonic and profane celebration of its foodstuffs will be received warmly by the restaurateurs I've profiled and reviewed today. Indeed, they may even give me a discount pending I give their full offerings a try sometime, which I think we all believe they most definitely should, for sure. 

All kidding aside, I could've spent hours at this thing, just nibbling and gnawing away on the various, miscellaneous food items on display. Call me crazy, but I actually enjoyed this event more than the super-huge food truck gala held in Atlanta last-year -- of course, I'm sure the free parking and lack of an entrance fee plays some part in that opinion, but still. 

To summarize, I reckon? The Taste of Marietta Food Festival is awesome, there's apparently a ton of great eateries in the area, and if you like to nom on stuff and have at least $20 in your pocket, it's probably an event worth your time and energies.Well, as long as you live kinda' close by: I mean, it would just be stupid as shit to fly in from Montana just for this, after all.

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The 2013 Atlanta Street Food Festival!

We came. We Saw. We got Indigestion, Real, Real Bad.

Nobody really thinks of Atlanta as a haven for world-class foods -- unless, of course, you have a hankering for orange drinks and chili dogs or waffles promoted by former Motown divas. 

While no on is ever going to take a gander at the ATL's burgers and pizza joints and say they trump the eateries of NYC, Paris or Chicago, that's not to say there aren't a few hidden gems in the area. And wouldn't you know it, a lot of those gems just so happen to rest atop diesel-fueled vans. 

If you don't know what a "food truck" is, congratulations on the view from your ivory tower. To the uninitiated elites out there, food trucks -- similarly referred to as food vans or food mobiles or any other permutation of food and "motor vehicle" you can think of -- are giant motorized vessels that come equipped with full kitchens. Generally, the proprietors of such businesses just park their colossal restaurants-on-wheels at opportune sites -- like, say, a construction site around lunchtime -- and the scratch-making, it doth instigate. 

Apparently, such enterprises are so lucrative in the ATL that a yearly competition is held to determine which food mobile hawks the best short-order items. And if you ever wondered whether or not such ventures could be profitable, buddy, you ought to have been at this year's festivities.

The 2013 Atlanta Street Food Festival was held this year at Piedmont Park -- basically, Atlanta's equivalent of Central Park, only with way less zoo animals and way more shady areas that provide both ample and facile mugging opportunities. 

For those of you that don't know much about Atlanta, it's usually pretty hot in the summer. This season, however, it's been raining more or less every day in July, and as such, the event was a rather chilly affair. With that in mind, I'd say both competitors and patrons lucked out considerably in '13 -- imagine helming a deep friar when it's 103 degrees, or having to swat mosquitoes the size of USB drives while stuck in line behind two 400 pound dudes in tanktops, and you'll realize just how much the Gods were smiling upon us that afternoon. 

The set-up was pretty simple; the food trucks in competition set up their vehicles, and patrons ambled on up to their order menus, plopped down their monies, and got a full-sized meal -- either sheathed in aluminum foil or dropped in a greasy fry basket, of course. 

There were about two dozen or so trucks in competition, with several small tents offering designer Popsicles and Aquafina for two dollars a pop dotting the landscape. As far as patrons, there had to have been a couple of thousand in attendance this year. No matter which truck you went to, it was pretty much guaranteed that you'd have to spend at least half an hour in line to collect your comestibles. Thankfully, a majority of the denizens at Piedmont that Saturday evening remembered to apply their Speed Stick, so it seemed (and smelled.) 

Clearly, I didn't have enough time to try everything on display, but I did get my hands on quite a large assortments of street food inventory. Here's a quick rundown of what I ingested, and what all of you none-ATLiens missed out on: 

Viet-Nomie's Food Truck!

Sadly, I don't think I've ever tried Vietnamese food before, so clearly, this Viet-Nomie's vessel was destined to be my first stop of the day.

For those of you unfamiliar with my dietary ways, I'm something of a disenchanted vegetarian, so I was certainly pleased to see so many tofu-based alternatives on display. Eventually, I decided on the Banh Mi To Fu, which was more or less a hoagie with tofu, thinly sliced pickle strands and a whole lot of spiciness.

The sandwich itself was very filling -- imagine the best Subway item you've ever had, and topping it off with the most delicious sweet chili sauce you could possibly envision, and yeah, you've pretty much got the Banh Mi To Fu starring you in the face.

The bread itself had this really unusual cheesy taste to it -- unexpected, but utterly delicious, so I'd consider it a very, very pleasant surprise. The guys marinated the tofu in a rich ginger sauce, and as such, the faux meat gelled incredibly well with the pepper chunks. Really adding a kick to the sandwich were the pickle slices -- those white thingies below that kind of look like onion strands. They had a really sweet taste, which complimented the tofu itself quite nicely.

In all, it was a freaking scrumptious little meal, and reason enough to forgive the Viet Cong for any wrongdoings they perpetrated on U.S. soldiers back in the 1960s and 1970s (and as an American, I thusly apologize for all of the "Missing in Action" films to all the Vietnamese readers out there... except for part 3, which was actually kinda' awesome.)

Masala Fresh Indian Street Food!

I've tried Indian food quite a few times before, and I have been very, very impressed by the offerings I've encountered in the metro Atlanta area thus far. So when I spotted this little food wagon, you just KNOW I had to give its offerings a look-see (and also, an eat-see.)

The Masala Fresh truck had a pretty interesting set-up. Basically, what they asked you to do was go down a flowchart of sorts, picking out certain toppings If you've ever been to Chipotle's before, it's kind of like that, I suppose. I decided on a rice bowl as opposed to a naan wrap, but what do you know, when I received my "rice bowl," it looked an awful lot like a naan wrap. Because it was one. 

What you're looking at here is Masala's paneer naan wrap...an insanely delicious, burrito-like offering filled with rice, soft cheese chunks and a very, very yummy sauce that's one part curry, and one part jalapeno. 

Granted, the wrap may look like an exploded Sloppy Joe (or, uh, worse), but the dish was actually ridiculously tasty. Making the meal even better was the inclusion of a very unique tasting mango-pickle side sauce -- a remarkable paste that's an amalgamation of tropical fruit, vinegar and habanero juice. Long story short, this stuff was freaking tremendous, and you really, really ought to try it if you're in the metro-Atlanta region. 

Great American Cookies!

While the Great American Cookies truck may not have had the overall oomph that some of the other food wagons had that day in Atlanta, it did have one MAJOR advantage over the competition: namely, the fact that the lines outside the mobile eatery were WAY shorter than all the others.

This M&M cookie Double Doosie more or less speaks for itself. It's basically a giant Oreo, only the black stuff is two huge-assed M&M cookies, and instead of a smattering of white creme, you get approximately nine pounds of it clumped betwixt the two baked goods. 

Needless to say, the double-cookie treat was quite the delectable snack, resulting in an immediate sugar rush that, two weeks later, I think I am just now beginning to come down from. These things, I suppose it goes without saying, are dangerous...dangerous, and friggin' delicious. 

The Bubble Tea Truck!

So, after cramming two spicy ethnic foods down my gullet and washing it down with 16 ounces of fluffy sugar, I found myself fairly parched. Now, I could've just ambled over to a vendor and bought a Coke Zero, but that sort of defeats the purpose of attending a street food festival, don't it?

I'm not really sure what "bubble tea" is, precisely, but if you ever want some non-traditional drank in the ATL, it's probably in your best interests to flag down The Bubble Tea Truck if you ever see it drag racing a MARTA bus or something. 

Of all of the truck's specialty beverages -- teas and coffees and a whole bunch of other stuff that was probably too warm to drink even on a balmy Atlanta summer eve -- I settled on this, a blueberry smoothie. As you would fully expect, this Grimace-hued fruit shake was really quite tasty -- and man, was it fun to poke that giant straw through the plastic wrap protecting the top of the cup like a drink condom! 

Tex's Tacos!

All day long, Tex's Tacos had the longest line of any vendor, so it probably shouldn't come as much of a surprise when they were awarded the coveted "best of show" award at the end of the day. I know...I was literally filling out my order for a taco when the announcement was made over the park's PA system. 

The menu was really diverse, with quesadillas, nacho plates and, of course, taco offerings galore. They even specialize in these things called "pastor-style" tacos, which contain chunks of pineapple and chipotle sauce. Granted, I would've bought about half a dozen of said "pastor" tacos had I read the signage in its entirety, but hey...you can't argue with a decent veggie soft shell, either, can you?

And this, amigos, is the best of the best when it comes to Atlanta street food. White cheese, guacamole, grilled vegetables and a warm tortilla -- simple, sleek, and incredibly nuanced in flavor, it truly is one of the best Tex-Mex offerings I've had in quite some time. Of course, I didn't get the honor and privilege to try out everything at the festival, but if there was anything on display that could match this -- well, let's just say, my estomago would've been filled beyond the point of maximum capacity, surely. 

Pamplona has the Running of the Bulls, Gloucester has its annual cheese-rolling festival and Atlanta...well, they used to have Freaknik, but to be honest, I think I'd much rather prefer that our noble city be known for THIS annual gala instead. 

Metro-Atlanta foodies really have no excuse to not attend this event, and if you're a hardcore-enough fast-food aficionado, it's perhaps worth the 200 or 300 mile trek from some of Georgia's neighboring states. The lines may be long, and the mosquitoes may be out in droves, and the bathrooms may be disproportionately distributed throughout the park, but really -- it's tons of awesome, original foodstuffs, a summer afternoon in the sun and an opportunity to chuck down icing-glued cookies while holding a grape-flavored milkshake in your adjacent paw. 

If I have to tell you this thing is awesome, you've already failed on so many levels, ami. 

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