Wednesday, October 18, 2017

2017 NCAA Top 25 Rankings (Week 7!)

USA Today and the A.P. can take a hike - these are the only college football rankings anybody ought to care about.


By: JimboX
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

Do you honestly respect the opinions of organizations like ESPN or USA Today to give it to you straight about college football? Of course you don't, which is where The Internet In America's 2017 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings come into play. Every Wednesday throughout the '17 season we'll post our own selections for the best teams in college football, complete with hilariously un-P.C. (yet surprisingly thorough) recaps of their last games as well as a brief preview of their upcoming contests. Plus, we're throwing in a whole bunch of animated GIFs you can steal and post elsewhere on the 'net, because we're cool like that. Simply put, you won't get better NCAA football analysis anywhere on the Internet - and if anybody else dare claims their rankings are more authoritative, you proudly have my permission to go to their corporate offices and take a big fat stankin' shat right on their doorsteps. And with all of that out of the way, who's ready to revisit the week that was in the best kind of football there is - the one with unpaid black people without due process in rape accusations?

#01
Alabama (7-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Tennessee (Oct. 21)

In a week glutted with monumental upsets, the Tide dynasty remained unfazed, steamrolling SEC West rival Arkansas 41-9. Jalen Hurts went 12 for 19 for 155 yards and a one-to-one TD-to-INT ratio, while Damien Harris concluded the game with 125 yards and two touchdowns on nine rushes. And Bama did pretty good stopping the run, too, holding the Razorbacks to an absurdly low 27 rushing yards on the day.

#02
Georgia (7-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Florida (Oct. 28)

Their defense may not have been as dominant as it was in the last few weeks, but Georgia's offense was more than enough to run roughshod over Missouri. In the 53-28 win, Jake Fromm went 18 for 26 for 326 yards and two touchdowns (plus one interception that set up an easy Mizzou TD), but - as has been the case all season long- it was Georgia's run game that truly set (and controlled) the tempo. At the final horn, Georgia's backfield racked up 370 yards and four touchdowns, while the Dawgs' D held the Tigers' rushing attack to a piss-poor 59 on the ground.  

#03
TCU (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Kansas (Oct. 21)

Although the game was delayed several times due to lightning strikes, the atmospheric interference didn't really have much bearing on the outcome. In a 26-6 laugher, the Horned Frogs outgunned Kansas State 297 yards to 146 in the air and outstomped 'em 98 to 70 on the ground. Running back Sewo Olonilua wins this week's award for maximum efficiency, having collected two touchdowns on five carries that combined for a meager eight rushing yards.

#04
Penn State (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Michigan (Oct. 21)

Well, if the last weekend of college football felt considerably less child-molestery than usual, thine eyes did not deceive you - indeed, THE Penn State took a breather ahead of this Saturday's tilt against Michigan. Averaging 456 yards a game, the Nittany Pedophiles currently possess Division I-A ball's 33rd ranked offense; holding their opponents to just 285 yards per game, Pedo State's defense is currently ranked ninth in the nation.

#05
Wisconsin (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Maryland (Oct. 21)

Despite the 17-9 win over Purdue, the play of Badgers' QB Alex Hornibrook continues to disappoint. In last Saturday's victory, Hornibrook went 13 for 18 for 199 yards, one TD and two interceptions; thankfully, Wisconsin's rushing attack - which produced 295 rushing yards, 219 coming via the cleats of top rusher Jonathan Taylor - was there to bail 'em out. And the defense wasn't too bad neither, I suppose, holding the Boilermakers' O to just 155 yards passing and 66 rushing, with no touchdowns. 

Now that is a stylish way to say "LOL, fuck your secondary."

#06
Miami (5-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Syracuse (Oct. 21)

It was a nail-biter, but the Hurricanes remain unbeaten following Saturday's 25-24 come from behind victory against Georgia Tech. Malik Rosier went 23 for 37 for 297 yards and one touchdown, while top back Travis Homer collected 170 yards and one TD on 20 carries. Still, Miami's rushing defense could use some work - after all, they did let the Yellow Jackets rack up 226 yards on the ground.

#07
South Florida (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Tulane (Oct. 21)

The Bulls' running game was the difference maker in Saturday's 33-3 obliteration of Cincinnati. After racking up 184 yards on 16 completions, QB Quinton Flowers ran for 80 yards and one score on 15 carries, while formal backs Darius Tice and D'Ernest Johnson combined for 108 yards. And the Bulls defense looked pretty solid, too, holding the Bearcats to 178 yards passing and 95 yards rushing.

#08
Central Florida (5-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Navy (Oct. 21)

UCF utterly dominated ECU on the ground last Saturday. In a 63-21 win, the Knights recorded 238 yards and five touchdowns rushing, while their defense held the Pirates' run game to just 187 with no touchdowns. Not that QB McKenzie Milton didn't have some impressive passing stats o' his own; he wrapped up the game 21 for 27 for 324 yards and two touchdown passes.

#09
Ohio State (6-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Penn State (Oct. 28)

J.T. Barrett went buck wild in the Buckeyes' commanding 56-14 win over Nebraska. In the six-touchdown-plus savaging, Barrett racked up 325 yards and five touchdown passes on 27 completions - and then he decided to run the rock for another 48 yards and two more trips to the end zone. Shit, that's almost enough to get you to overlook Ohio State's shitty pass defense giving up 349 aerial yards - almost

#010
NC State (6-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Notre Dame (Oct. 28)

And all of a sudden, the Wolfpack finds themselves in the driver's seat of the ACC Atlantic division. With Clemson's upset loss to Syracuse, NC State's 35-17 win against Pittsburgh slots them into pole position of the sub-conference, with a huge game against Notre Dame on the docket two weeks from now. The question now is, will a victory over Clemson on Nov. 4 be enough to propel NC State into the ACC Championship Game come the first week of December? 

All I can say is thank God I picked Syracuse to cover the 22.5 point spread ...

#011
Clemson (6-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Georgia Tech (Oct. 28)

In easily the most shocking upset of the college football season thus far, the formerly undefeated Tigers got beat 27-24 by Syracuse last Friday night. Kelly Bryant could only muster 116 yards off 12 completions, with zero touchdowns, and backup Zerrick Cooper didn't really do any better, finishing the game 10 for 14 for 88 yards and no end zone receptions. Even worse, Clemson's defense totally shit the bed, allowing the Orangemen's Eric Dungey (yep, the son of Tony Dungey) to light 'em up for 278 yards and three passing touchdowns.

#012
USC (6-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Notre Dame (Oct. 21)

The Trojans just barely outlasted Utah over the weekend, besting Utah 28-27 in a back-and-forth slugfest. Sam Darnold went 27 for 50 for 358 yards and three touchdown passes, with top back Ronald Jones II collecting 111  yards and one end zone visit on 17 carries. But the MVP for USC had to be receiver Tyler Petite, who recorded two touchdown receptions and 79 yards on just three catches.

#013
Oklahoma (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Kansas State (Oct. 21)

In another close one, the Sooners barely prevailed 29-24 over Texas. Baker Mayfield went 17 for 27 for 302 yards and a 2-to-1 TD-to-INT ratio, while top back Trey Sermon racked up 96 yards on 20 carries and even threw a pass for 42 yards. Still, the Sooners faithful should be none too happy about allowing Sam Ehlinger to record 278 yards on the day ...

#014
Oklahoma State (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Texas (Oct. 21)

The Cowboys pretty much Roofied Baylor and had their way with their immobile, defenseless bodies on Saturday, besting the still without-a-win Golden Bears 59-16. Mason Rudolph went 19 for 31 in the affair, finishing the game with an impressive 459 yards and three aerial TD strikes, with top receiver James Washington racking up 235 yards and one score on six catches. And let's not discount Oklahoma State's rushing attack, neither - lest we forget Justice Hill's 117 yards and one rushing score on 14 touches.

#015
Washington (6-1)
Next Opponent: vs. UCLA (Oct. 28)

With Saturdays's get-the-fuck-out-of-here 13-7 loss to Arizona State, there's a very strong chance that not only have the Huskies hunched the pooch as far as the National Championship playoffs are concerned, they may have just taken themselves out of the PAC-12 Championship race to boot. Well, that's what happens when your quarterback can only throw for 139 yards, while your defense let's the opposing team chalk up 245, ain't it?

Trust me - it's even better with the Benny Hill music playing on a loop.

#016
Washington State (6-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Colorado (Oct. 21)

There are "LOL WHUT" scores and then there's the score that greeted many a college football follower last Saturday morning. Not only did the formerly undefeated Cougars lose to 3-3 Cal, they got absolutely waylaid on Friday night to the tune of 37-3. Needless to say, one more loss and not only is Washington State almost certainly out of the National Playoffs discussion, they may not even be in the PAC-12 title picture at all. 

#017
Notre Dame (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. USC (Oct. 21)

The Irish took a breather last weekend but reemerge this Saturday for a biggie - a potential National Playoffs eliminator against the Trojans. Posting 471 yards a game, Notre Dame has the nation's 21st ranked offense; allowing 366 yards per game, the Irish have Division I-A ball's 48th ranked defense.

#018
Michigan State (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Indiana (Oct. 21)

It was a close one, but the Spartans still got the W against Minnesota. In a 30-27 victory, Spartans halfback L.J. Scott collected 194 yards and two touchdowns on 25 carries, while quarterback Brian Lewerke went 9 for 18 for 120 yards, no scores and an INT. Meanwhile, their defense allowed Demry Croft - who will probably be selling insurance this time next year - to lob the rock for three touchdown passes. Just something to keep in the back of your head before these guys go toe-to-toe with Penn State and Ohio State ...

#019
Michigan (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Penn State (Oct. 21)

It took overtime to do it, but the Wolverines nonetheless came out of Saturday's scrap against Indiana with a victory. John O'Korn went 10 for 20 for a measly 58 yards in the contest, but thankfully, top running back Karan Higdon was there to offset the anemic passing game with an impressive 200 yards and three touchdowns on 25 carries. Alas, we'll see if that rushing attack is enough to give the Wolverines a leg up on Penn State this Saturday ... or if John O'Korn's horrific play at QB makes at a field day for the Nittany Lions' D.

#020
San Diego State (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Fresno State (Oct. 21)

And the Aztecs fall from the ranks of the unbeaten following Saturday night's 31-14 loss to Boise State. While Christian Chapman's stats were pretty solid (12 for 27 for 240 yards and one TD pass), the SDSU rushing attack turned in an uncharacteristically underwhelming performance, collecting just 83 yards on the day while allowing the Blue Turfers to register 186 on the ground. 

"Thank you, Jesus, for these guys having worse ball control than Michael J. Fox."

#021
Virginia Tech (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. UNC (Oct. 21)

The Hokies followed up their loss to Clemson with a fairly facile 23-10 win over Boston College two weeks back, and figured last Saturday was as good as any to take a breather. VT continues their season with a home stand against North Carolina this weekend, and can make up some big ground in the standings with a victory (you know, considering Clemson lost and all last Friday night.) And just so you stat-hounds won't feel deprived, averaging 467 yards a game, the Hokies' offense is ranked 25th in the nation. Allowing 320 a contest, their defense is ranked 23rd overall.

#022
Memphis (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Houston (Oct. 19)

The Tigers forced five turnovers in their 30-27 win over Navy, in a game that revitalized their AAC Championship hopes (and their slim chances of making a major New Year's bowl game.) Memphis QB Riley Ferguson went 24 for 40 in the contest, collecting 279 yards and three touchdown passes (two of which were caught by Anthony Miller, who had 90 yards on ten catches.) And despite getting outran by Navy to the tune of 314 yards to 118, Tigers back Darrell Henderson still looked pretty good, finishing the outing with 94 yards on 12 carries. 

#023
Toledo (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Akron (Oct. 21)

The Rockets didn't have much use for quarterback Logan Woodside in their 30-10 win over Central Michigan. Logan finished the game with a scant 89 yards on ten receptions, with a grand total of zero touchdowns. So how did Toledo pull out the W? Well, you can attribute that to their run game, which saw the Rockets backfield (led by Terry Swanson, who finished the game with 145 yards and two TD runs) outpace the Chippewas 310 yards to just 62.

#024
Virginia (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Boston College (Oct. 21)

The Cavaliers are one of those teams nobody's talking about, despite having a record better than a good 80 percent of the ACC (including Florida State and Louisville, both of whom have pretty much said "fuck it" and called it a season.) In the Cavs latest outing, they beat UNC 20-14 in a game that saw QB Kurt Benkert go 19 for 31 for 249 yards and two touchdowns. And even though they did let the Tar Heels outrun 'em 211 to 156, they still managed to get a lot of ground production out of Jordan Ellis, who wrapped up the shindig with 135 yards on 27 carries.

#025
Marshall (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Middle Tennessee (Oct. 20)

Yep, Marshall is back in the thick of things again (doesn't it seem like they do this every year around this point in the season?) Over the weekend they drubbed Old Dominion 35-3, in a contest that saw Chase Litton lob the rock for 176 yards and three touchdown passes, two of which landed in the arms of receiver Tyre Brady, whose final output for the day was 76 yards on five receptions. With a relatively easy schedule, don't be surprised if the Thundering Herd run the table throughout the remainder of the season - and considering how wacky things have gotten in college ball as of late, don't count these guys out of a big bowl appearance just yet ... 

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