Sunday, November 19, 2017

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play Coverage of Week 11's Raiders vs. Patriots Game!

This Week's Episode:
¿Qué quieres decir con que es ilegal cegar al mariscal de campo con un puntero láser?


By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including this afternoon's "home game" against New England, down Mexico City way. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Nov. 19 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 11's Raiders vs. Patriots game, with the festivities beginning at 4 p.m. Eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter)

1:40 PM - It's time for the Raiders' annual home stand in Mexico City, as they "host" Tom Brady and the Patriots at Estadio Azteca.

1:41 PM - The Raiders are fresh off a bye and sitting, uh, uncomfortably, I guess, at 4-5. Meanwhile the Pats just got finished drubbing the Dolphins Monday night and currently possess a 7-2 record. To say there's bad blood between these two franchises is kinda' like saying the Jews kinda have a thing against Hitler - not that I need to remind you why, or anything like that.

1:42 PM - Here's the injury report. For the Raiders, OT Marshall Newhouse (the guy who did this against the Dolphins two weeks' back), linebacker Cory James and guard Gabe Jackson are questionable. CB Gareon Conley is listed as doubtful.

1:43 PM - And for the Pats? WR Danny Amendola and TE Martellus Bennett are both listed as questionable. Meanwhile, OT Marcus Cannon, WR Matthew Slater and Center David Andrews are all listed as known scratches.

1:46 PM - And here are the relevant offensive and defensive stats heading into the contest:



1:47 PM - Vegas has the Patriots listed as a -7 favorite, with the over/under set suspiciously high at 55. 

1:48 PM - ESPN's Football Power Index gives New England a 62.6 percent chance of winning the game. Alas, this game IS in Mexico City, and as we all know - this is dyed in the wool Raiders territory, and Tom Brady just don't have to worry about Khalil Mack ... he's also gotta' worry about the fans blinding him with laser pointers and targeting him with paper airplanes.

1:50 PM - I'll get back in touch with 'ya fucks closer to gametime. Also, I'll be getting groceries in a few, so I might be late. Don't say I didn't give you fair warning.

4:23 PM - Well hot dookie, the Giants just beat the Chiefs in overtime. Now that's unexpected.

4:27 PM - Alright, the Raiders are getting the ball first.

4:27 PM - Third and one. Lynch easily converts.

4:28 PM - Vadal Alexander is starting at right tackle for Oakland. 

4:29 PM - Crabtree catches the ball at the line.

4:29 PM - Second and eight. Washington rumbles for about three.

4:30 PM - Third and five. And Roberts bobbles the ball away. Time to punt.

4:31 PM - The returner fair catches it around the NE 12.

4:34 PM - Second and eight. Cooks is about two yards short of moving the sticks.

4:35 PM - Third and three. Amendola converts on a no huddle.

4:35 PM - Burkhead runs for about five.

4:35 PM - Burkhead with another reception - this time enough to move the chains.

4:36 PM - White gets three, maybe four on the run.

4:36 PM - Bennett is tackled about a yard shy of the sticks.

4:36 PM - White runs it up the middle for a new set of downs.

4:37 PM - Patriots at mid-field. Lewis is hit behind the line for a loss.

4:37 PM - Second and 11. Allen hauls it in for about a five yard gain.

4:38 PM - Third and six. Amendola hauls it in around the OAK 30. 

4:39 PM - The running back fumbles the ball. New England recovers.

4:40 PM - Second and two. Lewis hit in the backfield for a loss of four.

4:40 PM - Third and six. The end zone shot is incomplete. But flags are down.

4:41 PM - Holding against the Raiders. That gives the Pats an automatic first down.

4:41 PM - Lewis runs for five.

4:42 PM - Second and six. And Lewis scampers in for the score. 

4:43 PM - The extra point is good. Patriots take the lead 7-0 with less than five minutes left in the first quarter.

4:46 PM - It'll be a touchback for the Raiders.

4:47 PM - Patterson gets six on a short catch.

4:47 PM - Second and four. Marshawn gets enough for a new set of downs.

4:48 PM - False start against Oakland. That moves them back five.

4:48 PM - First and 15. Crabtree can't hold on to it.

4:49 PM - Second and 15. Richard with a few. Third down coming up.

4:50 PM - Third and 11. Holton bobbles the long bomb, it gets batted and the Patriots intercept it.

4:53 PM - BRADY GETS SACKED BY MACK!

4:54 PM - Second and 18. The pass down the left side is good for about 13.

4:55 PM - And that's the end of the first quarter.

4:57 PM - Offsides against the Raiders. That gives New England an automatic first down.

4:58 PM - Lewis goes down at the line.

4:59 PM - Bennett gets five on the pick up.

4:59 PM - Third and five. The long bomb to Cooks is no good. Patriots have to punt.

5:00 PM - Richard fair catches it at the OAK 13.

5:03 PM - Marshawn rolls for about seven yards.

5:04 PM - Second and three. Cook with a completion at midfield. A huge gain for the Raiders.

5:04 PM - And Crabtree wrestles for what should be a first down.

5:05 PM - OK, it's second and one. And Washington converts.

5:06 PM - Lynch gets maybe a yard on the run.

5:07 PM - Second and nine. The throw to Cooper is no good.

5:08 PM - Third and nine. Cooper reels it in about a yard short of the first down marker.

5:09 PM - It's pass interference against Cooper. That makes it Third and 19.

5:10 PM - Cooper is stopped at the OAK 45.

5:11 PM - King out to punt. That'll be a touchback.

5:13 PM - The deep shot to Cooks works. Patriots have it at the OAK 30. That was a 52-yard gain.

5:14 PM - Second and 10. Gronk has enough to take it inside the OAK 10.

5:15 PM - The receiver gets hit behind the line.

5:15 PM - Third and 11. Gronk takes it to the three.

5:16 PM - White hit behind the line on first and goal.

5:16 PM - Second and goal. Amendola goes down at the line.

5:17 PM - Third and goal. Patriots take a timeout.

5:18 PM - Amendola catches it in the back of the end zone.

5:19 PM - The extra point is good. New England leads it, 14-0 with about five minutes left in the half.

5:22 PM - Touchback for the Raiders. Crabtree can't haul in the pass.

5:23 PM - Second and 10. Lynch with a HUGE run. That was 25 yards right there.

5:24 PM - Richard gets six.

5:25 PM - Richard finds a hole and he moves the sticks.

5:26 PM - Richard with another run. That's worth five yards. Holy shit, Richard run into his own lineman.

5:26 PM - Richard fights for about four yards.

5:27 PM - Third and one. Richard gets it.

5:27 PM - There's the two minute warning.

5:30 PM - Crabtree can't haul it in the end zone. No pass interference call against New England.

5:31 PM - Second and 10. Marshawn runs for about nine.

5:31 PM - Third and one. Lynch converts.

5:31 PM - About a minute left. At the NE 15. Roberts catches the ball withing the five, but the Pats punch the ball out and recover the fumble.

5:33 PM - Thirty three seconds left in the half. The Pats have it at their own three.

5:36 PM - Lewis runs to the NE 28.

5:37 PM - The pass is incomplete at the 50.

5:37 PM - Second and 10. Amendola gets shoved out at the NE 45.

5:37 PM - Eleven seconds left. Patriots going for 62 yard field goal.

5:39 PM - It's good. That makes it 17-0, New England, heading into halftime.

5:40 PM - Well, fuck this shit. I'm walking a puppy. I might be back and I might not.

6:00 PM - The Pats start at their own 25. Lewis gets five on the run.

6:01 PM - Amendola with  first down haul.

6:01 PM - Brady floats it to a wide open Cooks. An easy touchdown for the Patriots.

6:02 PM - A 64-yard score. The extra point is good. New England extends their lead, 24-0 with about 14 minutes left in the quarter.

6:06 PM - Cooper with his first ten-yard plus gain of the day.

6:06 PM - Lynch runs for five.

6:07 PM - Lynch gets 11 on a busted play. Not bad.

6:07 PM - Washington literally gets clotheslines at the line of scrimmage.

6:09 PM - Third and 10. The pass to Roberts is overthrown. Here comes King to punt.

6:13 PM - Lewis loses his shoe on the run and the Raiders think it's a loose ball and they all try to jump on it.

6:14 PM - Cooks is wide open again. He's got 139 yards on the day.

6:15 PM - Burkhead with about seven on the pick up.

6:15 PM - Second and four. Lewis runs for a new set of downs.

6:15 PM - Patriots in Raiders' territory. Burkhead runs for about three.

6:16 PM - The substitute right tackle for New England is injured. Time for a commercial break.

6:19 PM - Third and six. Brady's pass is no good.

6:20 PM - New England goes for a field goal. It's good from 51 yards out. Pats lead, 27-0.

6:23 PM - There's a touchback on the kick.

6:23 PM - Cook can't hold on to it.

6:24 PM - Lynch runs for maybe one.

6:25 PM - And Roberts FINALLY managed to hold on to the ball for a first down.

6:25 PM - Olwale with about five yards.

6:26 PM - Crabtree fighting for the jump ball on the deep pass. Nobody comes down with it.

6:27 PM - Third and six. Raiders take a timeout.

6:28 PM - The announcers are talking about how the players have to come down a long stairwell and how it reminds them of Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania.

6:29 PM - Fourth and six. Raiders must punt.

6:30 PM - There's a running into the kicker call against New England. The Raiders take the free yardage and elect to go for it on fourth and one.

6:31 PM - Of course the Raiders don't convert.

6:31 PM - Hell, I'm this close to rage quitting this coverage.

6:33 PM - The back gets hit behind the line.

6:34 PM - Illegal hands to the face call against Denico Autry.

6:36 PM - Fourth and five. The Pats go for another field goal.

6:36 PM - It's good. 30-0, Patriots.

6:41 PM - And there's the end of the third.

6:49 PM - Oakland's challenging a call on the field that Patterson didn't haul in a 20-yard pass on third and 18.

6:51 PM - The call is overturned. The Raiders are at the NE 20.

6:52 PM - And Amari Cooper hits the pylon to finally get Oakland on the board.

6:53 PM - Of course they have to go for two.

6:54 PM - Crabtree hauls in the pass. It's 30-8, New England.

7:04 PM - Patriots going for another field goal.

7:04 PM - It's good. Pats lead, 33-8.

7:07 PM - About eight minutes left. Patterson has enough for a new set of downs.

7:08 PM - Carr is sacked.

7:10 PM - Alright, second and 12. Olwale runs for about nine.

7:12 PM - Third and one. Olwale converts with a spin move.

7:14 PM - Third and 10. Washington drops the ball.

7:18 PM - And CBS officially cut the feed over to the Cincinnati/Denver game. That tells you everything you need to know abut the Raiders' performance today.

7:19 PM - Well, I'm cutting out early. The Patriots won, the Raiders lost and for all intents and purposes, Oakland's season is over. (By the way, that final score held: Patriots 33, Raiders 8.)

7:20 PM - All I can say is ... I fuckin' hate football, with a fuckin' passion.

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