Sunday, December 30, 2018

Revisiting PRIDE FC 4 from 1998!

Gary Goodridge gets his brains scrambled, Alexander Otsuka pulls off one of the biggest upsets in MMA history and Nobuhiko Takada pushes his luck against Rickson Gracie one more time!

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Saturday, December 22, 2018

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Five Amazing Things In Macaulay Culkin’s Bedroom in Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” Music Video!

In which we pinpoint five pieces of genuine early 1990s ephemera from a music video that would otherwise only be noteworthy for featuring an accused child molester touching himself repeatedly with KKK graffiti in the background.

Saturday, November 24, 2018


Are you ready for a whirlwind recap of the best, the worst and the most random pro wrestling matches of the last three months? Hold on to your Hulkamania t-shirts, folks — it's time to rumble.

This Week In Social Justice Warrior-Dom (Nov. 26, 2018 Edition)

Trigger warning activated! Our biweekly recap of everything that irked, irritated and aggravated SJWs is back with a vengeance!

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Revisiting ECW November To Remember 2000

Roughly two months away from insolvency, ECW tried its darndest to make its marquee show of the year in 2000 stand out … and the results are, well, underwhelming, to say the least

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Revisiting WCW Halloween Havoc 1990!

We've got the Steiners and the Nastys beating the shit out of each other, Arn Anderson and Ric Flair trying to start a race war and STAN HANSEN YELLING AT A PUMPKIN ... could you ask for anything more in a Halloween special?

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Propaganda Review: 'Saturday Morning Mind Control' by Phil Phillips (1991)

In which we revisit one of the greatest anti-consumerist screeds of all-time (which, naturally, is all but ignored for being, allegedly, nothing more than the maddened rantings of a hyper-religious Christian nutcase.)

Friday, October 19, 2018

Monday, September 3, 2018

The 2018 IIIA State Of The Site Address

The Internet Is In America: 2011-2018?

By: Jimbo X

Well, here we are, kids — the SEVENTH anniversary of The Internet Is In America

I had no earthly idea this stupid web blog thing I started as a senior class assignment in college (for real) would go on this long, but here we are, still chugging along. 

Obviously, there's been some pretty big changes here at TIIIA over the last year or so. Updates have been a lot more sporadic and a lot of regular features — This Week in Social Justice Warrior-Dom, The Rocktagon Recap, Season In The Abyss, the NFL and NCAA football rankings — have simply fallen to the wayside. That's for a pretty straight-forward reason: because I just don't have the time as one person to run all that shit anymore. 

Trust me, I would LOVE to upload a 3,000-word article with like four or five GIFs in it everyday, but the hard math is just working against me. These days I'm putting in 12 hours a day at work and if I don't start spending more time with my GF, she'll probably leave me for some BBC. That means I've got to make sacrifices, and with time-energy at a premium, when it came time to start cutting corners this here website was first on the chopping block. 

Now, am I really closing shop for good? Eh, probably not. But the unavoidable reality is that I simply can't keep running The Internet Is In America as a regularly updated website without compromising the overall quality of the articles. And I'd much rather run nothing at all than run half-assed bullshit, so ... for the time being ... I'm calling it temporary quits

Of course, I'm not hanging the gloves up for good. I'll be back — probably sooner than later. But the days of TIIIA being a multi-faceted pop culture/social satire site with three or four high quality articles a week or a thing of the past. I mean, unless you fuckers start paying me enough for this thing to constitute  full-time gig, other things in life are going to take priority over me making dick jokes about the UFC, the Raiders and old junk food.

It's been fun, though. I write for about a million different websites and I think out of all of them, this one was the closest to representing how I truly felt about things. I still have a ton of articles I want to write, and I'm sure I'll get around to bringing them here eventually, but the daily slog just makes it an impossibility at the moment. 

It's been pretty rough the last couple of months. I've wanted to bring you folks some material, but it feels like I've just been churning out stuff for the sake of churning stuff out, which was never my M.O. I don't want to turn into some lazy-ass clickbait website, and I said a long time ago I'd never publish stuff just for the hitz. You deserve better, and rather than put out a substandard product, I'd rather shut down the factory until there was enough time to make that product outstanding again.

It sucks, for sure. I'd love to be writing these huge, long-ass articles and essays about sociopolitical issues, and it pains me to think this season, I just won't be able to give you live play-by-play coverage of Raiders games or UFC shows. But by that same token, it gives me something I haven't had in a long time ... an opportunity to simply enjoy things for what they are. I've never been one to take pride in being a spectator alone, but after seven years of producing high grade content on a quasi-daily basis, I need the relaxation

The September-December rush has always been peak time for The Internet Is In America, what, with football season and all the marquee MMA and boxing events and Halloween all happening at the same time. It's been a blast working my ass off to give you articles about UFC PPVs and vegetarian turkey dishes and obscure exploitation horror movies since '11, but guys, I need a fuckin' break. Hell, if I have enough time to reorganize, I might even come roaring back next fall with a full slate of material ... that is, if I get the time

And time is the key variable there. Like I said, I have a LOT of stuff on my professional plate, and simply put, this blog is going to have to take a hit out of sheer financial necessity. That's not to say it's too expensive to operate (because I don't spend any money operating it), it's just that personal economic responsibilities kinda' mean more to me right now that writing essays about Pop-Tarts and Sega Master System games. Yeah, I know ... what a sell-out, huh?

So yeah, all of that to say I'm going to miss writing for TIIIA, but like I said earlier, I'll be back ... eventually.

In the interim, try to enjoy your fall the best you can. May your football team (whoever it may be, unless it's the Chiefs, Broncos or Chargers) not suck, may your Halloween dish of seasonal candies never run out and here's to hoping that La Parka has a couple more great matches before Thanksgiving rolls around. 

I'll be seeing you soon, folks. Now try to enjoy your own lives for a change, why don't you?

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

100 Percent GUARANTEED 2018 NCAA College Football Predictions!

You don’t even HAVE to watch the games this year … I tell you which team is taking home the National Championship four months in advance!

By: Jimbo X

Hey, what do you know, the 2018 NCAA football season officially starts tonight, with UCF taking on UConn in what should be a battle for the ages (yeah, right.) Of course, the “real” games start trickling in startin’ Friday night with Michigan State, Wisconsin and Stanford destined to run roughshod over some jobbers, and THIS Saturday we’ve got ourselves a full slate of games, from the Urban-less Buckeyes tangoing with the upset-eyeing Oregon State Beavers at noon all the way up to the 8 p.m. marquee showdown between defending NCAA champs ‘Bama and the post-Lamar Jackson era Louisville Cardinals. And if that weren’t enough, we get some additional football worth a damn Sunday and Monday night, too, with the Hurricanes and LSU going at it on Sept. 2 and Va Tech and FSU clashing Sept. 3.

Which, of course, means it is nigh time for our annual 100 PERCENT GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE NCAA FOOTBALL PREDICTIONS. Seeing as how there’s only about 120-something teams in division uno ball, I reckoned it’d be easier to just make seven all-purpose projections and prognostications in lieu of doing a team-by-team rundown, in the process allowing me to give a few generalized thoughts on each of the Power 5 conferences, throw out some guesses as to which non-fivers MIGHT make a run for it and, ultimately, give you my picks for who’ll be playing in all of the big bowl games … right down to telling you straight up who’s taking home the National Championship come January 2019.

So what are you waiting for? Kick back, open you up a can of Shasta, warm up some Hormel Chili with Velveeta cheese in it and prepare to dig in to these expert college football predictions — not only would I recommend betting the house on these picks, I’d bet your neighbor’s house, too.

Prediction One: Clemson will run away with the ACC

Picking the Power Five champs in 2018 ain’t easy … except for when it comes to the Atlantic Coast Conference, where it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion the Tigers are going to win the whole kit, kaboodle and enchilada. With Florida State and Louisville both in rebuild mode, you might as well pencil in Clemson for the ACC Championship game come December — and with an undefeated record, at that. Naturally, this sets up a clash with a one-loss Miami team for an automatic National Championship Playoffs berth; expect the Hurricanes to hang in there for a quarter or two, but the Tigers should nonetheless win that ‘un by at least 10 points.

Prediction Two: Alabama and Georgia will rematch for the SEC crown

Both sides of the Southeastern Conference should be much improved this year. Despite dropping back-to-back losses to LSU and Florida, the Bulldogs should still rise triumphant out of the east, while Alabama (whose only loss of the season will come at the hands of Mississippi State, a team that wraps up the season with just two losses on their record) should essentially cruise to the conference title game. The rematch of the 2018 National Championship Game should be a good one, but alas, the outcome remains unchanged; anticipate Alabama to squeeze out a close one to punch yet another ticket to the college pigskin final four.

Prediction Three: Wisconsin will win a war of attrition for the Big 10

Thanks to the whole Urban “Shh!” Meyer brouhaha, the Big 10 represents the biggest wildcard in the Power Five playoffs picture. I’ve got the Buckeyes going 1-2 to start the season en route to a previously unfathomable FIVE loss season, with two-loss Michigan, Michigan State and Penn State all roshamboing each other out of the title hunt. Eventually, I’ve got it coming down to Penn State against a one-loss Wisconsin team, who conveniently enough, lost to the Nittany Lions on Nov. 10. In a back and forth slugfest, expect the Badgers to just barely hold on, with a last second field goal giving them the conference championship … and their first-ever trip to the National Championship Playoffs.

Prediction Four: TCU will outgun Oklahoma in the Big 12

I don’t have a lot of faith in the Baker Mayfield-less Sooners to thrive in the pass-heavy Big 12 in 2018, and ultimately see them finishing the “regular” season with three losses under their belt. With Texas, West Virginia and Oklahoma State all dropping four games a piece, that sets up Oklahoma with a two-loss Horned Frogs squad to decide the conference champ. As you’d expect, that little affair is about as defense-deficient as France during WWII, as both teams combine for more than 100 points and nearly 1,000 yards of total offense … with a late strike from TCU in the fourth giving them the decisive one-score advantage.

Prediction Five: Stanford will upset Washington to win the PAC-12

The PAC-12 is the biggest crapshoot in all of college football, and I mean that in more ways than one — not only is it the single hardest Power Fiver to predict on a game-by-game basis, I also think it’s safe to assume that it’s the WORST overall conference out of five, to boot. With USC dropping four games this year, that allows Arizona to sneak into the conference finals with a three-loss record. There, they’ll do battle with a two-loss Stanford team that edges out a previously undefeated Washington team on Nov. 3 to give them the proxy North Division crown. Anyway, they curb stomp the Wildcats in the championship tilt, thus punching their ticket to yet another Rose Bowl appearance.

Prediction Six: Navy will make an improbable run for the National Championship Playoffs

Every year, we keep asking ourselves — rhetorically — if a non-Power Five team could ever make the final four. Well, this year, it’s actually going to happen, as a Navy team that sets a new NCAA record for rushing yards in a season goes undefeated. Chalking up big wins over Notre Dame and UCF (each of whom finish the season as two-loss squads ranked in the top 25), the Midshipmen make a major case to become the first non Power Five team to ever get invited to the final foursome. While the selection process isn’t without some contention (Stanford, TCU and Mississippi State all make strong arguments for their inclusions), Navy does wind up securing the fourth and final slot … thus, putting them on a collision course with Clemson at the Orange Bowl on Dec. 29.

Prediction Seven: It’ll be Clemson vs. Alabama for all the marbles … again

Alright, before we get into the final four, let’s get the other big bowl games outta’ the way first, why don’t we? In the Peach Bowl, I’ve got Georgia besting Miami (Not of Ohio) 29-28 in a thriller; in the Fiesta Bowl I’ve got Mississippi State thwacking Penn State 37-14; in the Rose Bowl it’s Stanford outlasting Notre Dame 20-19; and in the Sugar Bowl, TCU tops Michigan State 27-14.

Which brings us to the fatal four-way, so to speak. In the Orange Bowl, Clemson dashes the Cinderella dreams of Navy in a 40-14 mudhole stomping, while in the Cotton Bowl Alabama holds off Wisconsin 37-28. Of course, that sets up Clemson vs. Alabama (again) in Santa Clara for the National Title, as  Heisman candidates Tua Tagovailoa and Trevor Lawrence have a quarterback dual for the ages. In a back and forth affair, it comes down to the final ten seconds as Clemson scores the go-ahead TD strike; Alas, the Crimson Tide just can’t secure the epic comeback, as a Tagovailoa hail mary with one second on the board falls incomplete at the two yard line, officially giving the Tigers the 30-26 victory … and with it, yet another National Championship.

Kudos my hero, leaving all the best ...

Sunday, August 26, 2018

The Top 50 Sega Master System Games of All-Time (Part One: #010-#001)

The final installment of a special five-part series examining the best Sega's 8-bit home console had to offer ... with the number one SMS game of all-time, at long last, REVEALED!

By: Jimbo X

HEY! Looking for the series in its entirety? You can check out all of the installments in the countdown in the links below:
PART ONE (#010 - #001)
PART TWO (#020 - #011)
PART THREE (#030 - #021)
PART FOUR (#040 - #031)
PART FIVE (#050 - #041)

A lot of people, to this day, tend to overlook the Sega Master System. Considering the NES outsold it like, 250-to-1 in the North American market, though, it’s certainly understandable — however unfortunate.

While Sega’s Genesis forebear didn’t get anywhere close to realizing the lofty heights of its 16-bit older brother, that’s not to say the SMS was devoid of quality 8-bit titles. In fact, the Master System had a ton of solid-to-very-good-to-downright-excellent titles in its library, which is usually lost in the shuffle because a.) relatively few people in the States ever played that many games on the console to begin with and b.) most of the really good, top-tier SMS games never made it to the U.S., and we’re only released in Europe and Japan. Thankfully, the advent of emulation has broken the 30-year-old regional divide, and now all of us can play the breadth of the SMS library anytime we want … if not fit the whole dadgum software pantheon on a single 2GB thumb-drive.

Having spent about a year or two playing every single game released on the SMS, I decided to take it upon myself to drum up a list of the top 50 games to ever make an appearance on the Master System. If this sounds like something we’ve done before, it’s probably because we’ve been doing this shit every year since 2012, covering everything from the Dreamcast, the Sega CD and the Game Gear to the TG-16, the Neo-Geo and the Atari freakin’ Lynx. So yeah, the same old song and dance applies here, I suppose. But before we get to the list itself, a few housekeeping notes:

Rule numero uno: only officially licensed game released in the U.S., Europe and Japan were eligible for consideration. So that means no homebrews or those weird-ass TecToy ports from Brazil were included in the running.

Rule numero dos: when applicable, all of the games included on the countdown are the U.S. versions of the games. And if it’s a game that was only released in Europe or Japan, I vouched for the European iteration of the game over its Nippon counterpart.

Rule numero tres: only games that were completed and went to retail are eligible, so no unreleased games or tech demos were eligible neither.

Rule numero cuatro: and lastly, as a subjective countdown, your list is sure to differ and you’ll probably disagree with the bulk of my selections. So if you’re mad that I didn’t put enough Alex Kidd games on this thing, feel free to create your own top 50 list and make it more entertaining to read than mine. And if that’s something you’re unable to do, well, I reckon I just plain don’t give a shit what you think, homey.

Alright, with all of those pleasantries out of the way, who's ready to get this list rollin'? That’s right … literally everybody on the planet, ever.

Master of Darkness (1993)
Developer: SIMS
Publisher: Sega

Those of you who recall our Game Gear countdown from a few years back no doubt remember how much we sang the praises of this one, and ultimately, the home console iteration is every bit as good as its portable kindred — if not even better. While an unabashed Castlevania clone, it’s undoubtedly one of the best Castlevania imitators ever, and, in some facets, can even be said to best Konami’s venerable series at its own game. With its almost Hammer horror-like atmosphere, there’s no denying Master of Darkness brings the ambiance, and the long, intricately designed stages definitely gives the game a bit more replay value than its genre contemporaries on the SMS. And come on — like anybody could ever not enjoy a game where you get to wack wax monsters with boomerangs …

Bubble Bobble (1991)
Developer: Taito
Publisher: Sega

Now this is a rare SMS game that not only outdoes its counterpart on the NES, but positively outclasses it in every way. Not only does this iteration of Taito’s classic kill-em-up have better visuals than the one in the Ninny, it also packs in almost twice as much content; whereas the NES iteration had a relatively paltry 112 levels, the SMS version offers a whopping 200 stages! This is a much truer to the coin-op experience, without question, with slicker controls and a more energetic sense of speed. Factor in a phenomenal two-player mode and you have what is pretty much the Criterion Collection version of the beloved single-screener right here.

Ghouls ‘N Ghosts (1988)
Developer: Sega R&D2
Publisher: Sega

This is definitely one of the best-looking games on the SMS … and thankfully, it has the gameplay chops to match its aesthetics. While it’s not quite the breathtaking technical marvel that its Genesis big brother was, this is still a very admirable port of the arcade classic, with great animations, tremendous controls and — of course — a lot of button-grinding challenge that’ll test the mettle of even the most hardcore action platformer enthusiasts. Sure, the boss fights might be a little minimalist in terms of presentation, but on the whole this is a very impressive “downgrade” that looks, feels and plays much better than it probably had any right to. And if nothing else, it absolutely kicks the crap out of the iteration NES owners received … and it’s not even debatable.

Walter Payton Football (1989)
Developer: Sega R&D2
Publisher: Sega

Up until Tecmo Super Bowl, this was easily the best American football game released on a home console. Of course, it’s sans the NFL license, so you won’t be able to play as any “real” players, save Sweetness himself. But even then the game gives you a good 25 different teams to choose from, each of which have their own (moderately) different playbooks. And for its time, this game gave you an insanely complex football system, complete with a good 30 or so offensive and defensive plays and the option to run reverses and counters. With its proto-Madden vertical P.O.V., you might have a few blind throws every now and then, but there’s no denying how much fun running the ball and playing D is. And to this day, this game might just have the best “kicking” system I’ve ever played in a pigskin sim; for hardcore virtual football fans, that facet of the title alone is probably worth going out of your way to experience.

Bonanza Bros. (1991)
Developer: Sega C.S., I.T.L.
Publisher: Sega

A decade before the first Grand Theft Auto game was released, this absurdly fun Sega original allowed children of all ages to experience the joys of committing virtual felonies. Remember that one episode of The Simpsons where Bart played Larry the Looter, an arcade game where he took on the role of an armed burglar? Well, that’s LITERALLY what Bonanza Bros. is, and even now I’m not sure how this one escaped the wrath of Tipper Gore and pals back in the day. Granted, losing the two-player mode sucks, but the core gameplay here is just so fun (and unexpectedly great) that even as a solo affair only it’s still a hoot and a half. The level layout is outstanding and the proto-stealth action gameplay is astonishingly intense; indeed, this might just be one of the most nerve-racking games you’ll ever play in 8-bit form. All in all, Sega did a bang-up job porting this one to the SMS; multiplayer or no-multiplayer, this is still an immensely enjoyable, incredibly unique action-platformer you owe it to yourself to play if you haven’t, for whatever stupid-ass reason.

Battle Outrun (1989)
Developer: Sega
Publisher: Sega

There’s been a lot of Outrun games over the years, and this fairly obscure SMS offering is easily one of the best entries in the long-running franchise. In fact, I’d go as far as to call this SMS “exclusive” the greatest version of Chase H.Q. ever made. Eschewing the usual fanciful and carefree aesthetics and attitude of the beloved, vaporwave-inspiring series, Battle Outrun is a more intense, action-oriented, pseudo vehicular combat offering in which you drive all over America trying to takedown all sorts of varied villains and criminal elements … all while avoiding swapping paint with innocent bystanders or crashing into a parade of barrels somebody just left there in the middle of the freakin’ interstate. Owing more to Spy Hunter than its canonical predecessors, in a way Battle Outrun feels like an 8-bit precursor to Burnout, complete with some ultra-gratifying, white knuckle thrills and chills as you narrowly avert yet another automotive disaster. With superb controls and a ton of replay value, this isn’t just one of the best racing games on the Master System … indeed, it’s one of the best 8-bit console racers ever.

Rainbow Islands: The Story of Bubble Bobble 2 (1993)
Developer: I.T.L.
Publisher: Taito

One look at Rainbow Islands is enough to turn off just about any seasoned gamer. But as the old saying goes, you really shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, because this game — despite its nauseatingly saccharine visuals — is actually one of the most addictive and engaging titles on the SMS. Really, it all begins with the game’s brilliant control scheme, which makes “rainbow hopping” one of the most satisfying mechanics you’ll experience in any 8-bit platformer. You know how Iceman skates around on frozen bridges in the old comics and cartoons? Well, this game gives us what is probably the best interactive representation of that in any medium, and you will have yourself a hoot and a half just slipping and sliding all over the game’s pastel-hued levels. Yes, the audiovisual component may not be the best on the SMS, but there is no denying the intrinsic greatness of the gameplay here. Factor in hours worth of gameplay and some ingeniously designed stages — plus one of the best two-player experiences to be found on the Master System — and you undoubtedly have a winner on your hands with this one, no matter which genre of gameplay is your familiar bread and butter.

Sonic Chaos (1993)
Developer: Aspect
Publisher: Sega

The greatest Sonic handheld game of all-time translates to the SMS just fine, and I’m sure there’s going to be plenty of folks out there who’ll think this one plays even better with the Master System control pad. The music is a bit bland, but the graphics and animation are top-tier, and holy hell, does this one bring the pure platforming bliss in buckets. Sticking tightly to the traditional (read: winning) Sonic formula, the gameplay revolves around huge, spacious levels comprised of multiple branching paths, so while it is fun as all hell blasting through the stages at top speed, if you want to explore the level and really soak up everything it has to offer, you’ll definitely have to play this one two or three times before you uncover everything the designers left in there for you to find. While Chaos might not rival the Genesis classics in terms of overall quality, you’re still getting a tremendous little package right here — if for some some stupid reason you missed out on this one back in the day, now’s the perfect time to atone for your 8-bit era sins.

Sensible Soccer European Champions (1993)
Developer: Eurocom
Publisher: Sony Imagesoft

Pretty much every console ever in history has received some permutation of Sensible Soccer at some point, and the version on the Master System is every bit as good as it is on the Genesis, the SNES and the Game Gear. Neophytes to the venerable footy series may not take the micro-sized sprites series at first glance, but even newbz are guaranteed to be awestruck by the staggering amount of content this game delivers, including some team and play-editing features that even by today’s standards would be considered quite in-depth. Of course, the real draw of Sensible Soccer, however, is it’s instantly accessible and immediately engrossing soccer action, and once you get the hang of the control setup, you’ll be hooked for life. What NHL ‘94 and Tecmo Super Bowl are to hockey and football games, respectively, Sensible Soccer is to the World’s Game; this isn’t just the best sports game on the SMS by a far margin, one could argue that it’s the one game on the system that will give you the most replay bang for your buck, as well.

Power Strike II (1993)
Developer: Compile
Publisher: Sega

How about that — the very same game that  (almost) topped my list of the 50 best Game Gear games of all-time also tops my list of the top 50 SMS games of all-time. What are the odds? Whereas the original Power Strike on the Master System could be considered a slight disappointment considering Compile’s pedigree, its PAL-only sequel more than makes up for it. For starters, the visuals in this game are flatout gorgeous, with some of the most detailed sprites and eye-pleasing backgrounds of any game on the system. But where this game truly shines is in its gameplay. Simply put, I can’t fathom how the Master System was able to technologically contain the sheer amount of action going on-screen throughout this game. Yes, there is some flicker here and there, but by and large the frame rate on this sucker barely dips at all, which is quite the programming feat considering all of the nonstop explosions and projectiles flying across the screen at seemingly every conceivable second. Of course, me being a huge SHMUP fan and all, I can’t say that all gamers will enjoy this one as much as I did, but if you have a knack for old-school, arcade shoot-em-up fun, this is easily the best investment you could possibly make for your SMS. Simply put, if you’ve got a Master System, you NEED to have this cartridge in your library … and preferably, quite close to the entry slot, because I assure you, you will be playing this one frequently.

Kudos my hero, leaving all the best ...