Tuesday, October 29, 2019

2019-2020 NFL Power Rankings (Week Eight)

ESPN and Bleacher Report can eat it — THESE are the only pro football rankings that matter, anywhere and everywhere


By: Jimbo X

This Week’s Episode:
“Things are getting SPOOKY out there!”

THE ELITES

#001
New England Patriots (8-0)
Season Point Differential: +189

Bill Belichick got his 300th win in the NFL when his Pats made mincemeat of the Browns on Sunday. In the 27-13 win, Tom Brady went 20 for 36 for 259 yards and two touchdown passes — both, coincidentally enough, fell into the loving arms of receiver Julian Edelman, who wrapped up the victory with 78 yards on eight catches.

#002
San Francisco 49ers (7-0)
Season Point Differential: +130

Jimmy G. went 18 for 22 for 175 yards, two touchdown passes and one interception in the 49ers’ 51-13 hammering of the Panthers Sunday. Of course, the offensive star of the show for San Fran had to be ex-Falcon Tevin Coleman, who concluded the rout with a stellar three touchdowns and 105 yards on just 11 rushing attempts.

#003
Minnesota Vikings (6-2)
Season Point Differential: +079

The Vikings dispatched the Redskins Thursday in a 19-9 home stand, with Kirk Cousins going 23 for 36 for 285 yards — yet lobbing no touchdown passes in the affair. Meanwhile, Dalvin Cook wrapped up the day with 98 yards and one end zone visit on 23 carries, while Minnesota’s mighty D held Washington to only 131 yards passing and just 85 rushing.

#004
Dallas Cowboys (4-3)
Season Point Differential: +066

The Cowboys had a bye this past weekend and will return to action Monday night for a road test against the Giants that, in all sincerity, they have NO reason whatsoever to lose. But then again, this IS the same team that inexplicably lost to the Jets earlier in the season, so who knows what the hell to make of anything even tangentially related to Jerry Jones these days.

#005
Baltimore Ravens (5-2)
Season Point Differential: +058

After a bye this past weekend, the Ravens have a BIG one slotted for Sunday night — a home tilt with the freakin’ New England Patriots. In case you were wondering, Lamar Jackson has 11 TD passes on the season, five interceptions and 1,650 total passing yards — and with 576 yards and three rushing TDs so far this season, technically, he’s the tenth best running back in pro football.

#006
Green Bay Packers (7-1)
Season Point Differential: +052

Aaron Rodgers had another MVP-caliber performance Sunday, going 23 for 33 for 305 yards and three TD passes in Green Bay’s 31-24 win over the Chiefs. And Aaron Jones continues to look like a dual threat stud, collecting 67 rushing yards on 13 carries and hauling in two touchdowns passes (and with them, 159 yards) on just seven catches.

#007
Kansas City Chiefs (5-3)
Season Point Differential: +045

In Sunday night’s 31-24 loss to the Packers, backup QB Matt Moore actually had some pretty decent stats. He concluded the losing effort 24 for 36 for 267 yards and two TD passes, one each going to receivers Travis Kelce (63 yards, four catches) and Mecole Hardman (55 yards, two catches), with Tyreek Hill leading the team with 76 yards on six catches.

#008
Los Angeles Rams (5-3)
Season Point Differential: +040

Jared Goff has his best day, stats-wise, in quite some time in the Rams’ 24-10 win over the Bungles. Sunday. At the final horn, Goff went 17 for 31 for 372 yards and two TD passes, with top receiver Cooper Kupp collecting an incredibly 220 yards and one score on a mere seven catches.

THE PLAYOFF HOPEFULS

#009
New Orleans Saints (7-1)
Season Point Differential: +039

The Saints steamrolled the Cardinals 31-9 in Drew Brees’ big return game, with the Saints’ star QB going 34 for 43 for 373 yards and three touchdown passes. Michael Thomas finished the game with 112 yards and one score on 11 receptions, while top ‘back Latavius Murray ended the outing with 102 yards and one TD run on 21 touches; and the rush defense didn’t look to bad, either, as New Orleans was able to hold Arizona to just 40 rushing yards all game long.

#010
Houston Texans (5-3)
Season Point Differential: +024

Deshaun Watson had three TD passes in Sunday’s razor thin 27-24 win over the Raiders, ultimately going 27 for 39 for 279 yards despite getting one of his eyeballs plucked out of his skull late in the fourth quarter. And give Houston’s rushing attack some credit; surprisingly, Carlos Hyde managed to outgain Joshua Jacobs on the ground, outpacing Oakland’s outstanding rookie running back 83 yards to 66 on the ground.

#011
Tennessee Titans (4-4)
Season Point Differential: +013

The Titans triumphed over Tampa Bay Sunday, besting the Bucs 27-23 over the weekend. Ryan Tannehill went 21 for 33 for 193 yards and three TD passes in the victory, with top receiver Jonnu Smith finishing the game with 78 yards and one score on six receptions; meanwhile, Derrick Henry continues to look rock solid running the ball, concluding Sunday’s win with 75 yards on 16 carries.

#012
Seattle Seahawks (6-2)
Season Point Differential: +012

Don’t let the 27-20 score fool you into thinking this one was any closer than it actually was — in reality, Seattle headed into halftime with a 24-0 lead, and pretty much everything after that was the epitome of “garbage football.” But for those of you keen on the stats, Russell Wilson did look, as the kids sometimes say, “alright,” going 14 for 20 for 182 yards and two TD passes, with top receiver Tyler Lockett concluding the contest with 100 yards on six catches.

#013
Buffalo Bills (5-2)
Season Point Differential: +012

In Sunday’s 31-13 loss to the Eagles, Josh Allen went 16 for 34 for 169 yards and two passing touchdowns, with John Brown leading the team with 54 receiving yards on five catches. Alas, Buffalo just couldn’t get its ground game going in the loss — indeed, Frank Gore had only 34 yards on nine carries, while Allen technically was the team’s most productive rusher with 45 yards (but no end zone trips) on eight keepers.

#014
Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4)
Season Point Differential: +010

THE GARDNER MINSHEW II had a big game in Sunday’s 29-15 win over the Jets. He ultimately went 22 for 34 for 279 yards and three TD passes in the winning effort, with top receiver Chris Conley finishing the game with 103 yards and one score on four receptions; meanwhile, the Jags’ D looked STELLAR up against Sam Darnold, intercepting him three and sacking him no less than EIGHT TIMES for negative 51 yards.

#015
Indianapolis Colts (5-2)
Season Point Differential: +007

Jacoby “Whisker Biscuit” Brissett led the Colts to yet another hard-fought victory Sunday, this time going 15 for 25 for 202 yards (but no TDs) in Indy’s 15-13 defeat of Denver. Give a lot of credit to running back Marlon Mack, who kept the offensive flowing with 76 yards and one TD on 19 carries, and definitely give Adam Vinatieri’s ancient ass plenty of dap, having rattled off three field goals, including the 51-yard game-winner with just 22 seconds remaining in regulation.

#016
Chicago Bears (3-4)
Season Point Differential: +006

Thanks to Eddy Pineiro’s late missed field goal, the Bears succumbed 17-16 to the Chargers over the weekend. Otherwise, the team looked pretty good, just as far as stats are concerned: Mitchell “The Bitchell” Trubusky went 23 for 35 for 253 passing yards while David Montgomery looked superb running the rock, wrapping up the contest with 135 yards and one score on 27 carries. 

THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK

#017
Pittsburgh Steelers (3-4)
Season Point Differential: +005

Don’t look now, but at 3-4, the Steelers COULD be a VERY long-shot contender for an AFC playoff bid — you know, pending a whole lot of players on the 12 teams better than them in the conference get injured and whatnot. All you need to know, I suppose, is that Mason Rudolph looked pretty good in Pittsburgh’s 27-14 win over the hapless Dolphins’ Monday night — indeed, he concluded his big post-concussion return going 20 for 36, for 251 yards and a two-to-one TD-to-INT split (with JuJu Smith-Schuster finishing the game with 103 yards and one score on five catches and ‘back James Conner finishing the affair with 145 yards and one end zone visit on 23 carries.)

#018
Philadelphia Eagles (4-4)
Season Point Differential: +003

The Eagles mercilessly drubbed the Bills 31-13 Sunday, in a game that saw Carson Wentz go 17 for 24 for 172 yards and one TD pass. Jordan Howard and Mike Sanders did look pretty good running the ball for Philadelphia (combined, they had two scores and 170 yards on the ground), but you’ve got to give this D some props, too, for holding Buffalo to just 155 yards passing the ball and just 98 rushing all afternoon.

#019
Los Angeles Chargers (3-5)
Season Point Differential: 000

Thanks to Chicago’s spectacular inability to play special teams, the Chargers managed to outlast the Bears 17-16 on Sunday. In the unexpected victory, Philip Rivers went 19 for 29 for 201 yards and a one-to-one TD-to-INT split, but holy hell, did that OTHER team in L.A. do absolutely nothing on the ground; at the final horn, the Chargers had just 36 rushing yards, with Melvin Gordon leading the team with one score and 31 yards on eight carries.

#020
Carolina Panthers (4-3)
Season Point Differential: -005

Well, after several impressive performances, Kyle Allen played like absolute kaka Sunday, as his Panthers got thumped 51-13 by the Niners on the road. At the final horn, Allen was 19 for 37 passing, with zero TD zips and three interceptions; factoring in the SEVEN sacks he ate, his final aerial yardage tally was a mere 100 on the day.

#021
Detroit Lions (3-3-1)
Season Point Differential: -006

Matt Stafford went 25 for 32 for 342 yards in the Lions’ 31-26 win over New York Sunday. Ultimately, the ex-UGA standout had three touchdown passes on the day, with Kenny Golladay notching up 123 yards and two end zone trips on just six receptions (No. 2 on the list, in case you were curious, is former Patriot Danny Amendola, who had 95 yards, but no scores, on eight receptions.)

#022
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-5)
Season Point Differential: -016

In Tampa Bay’s tough 27-23 loss to the Titans Sunday, Jameis Winston went 21 for 43 for 301 yards and a two-TD/two-INT split, while also recording 53 rushing yards on eight carries (and, even better, presumably not raping anybody in the process. Mike Evans, at this point in the season, is an almost sure-fire Pro Bowl lock; he finished Sunday’s outing with 198 yards and two TDs on 11 receptions.

#023
Denver Broncos (2-6)
Season Point Differential: -026

The Broncos lost another close one Sunday, this time falling 15-13 to the Colts in a game that saw Joe Flacco go 20 for 32 for 174 yards and no touchdown passes. Indeed, Royce Freeman was the only non-kicker wearing purple who put any points on the scoreboard in the two-point less; he concluded the contest with 40 yards on 12 carries, while Phillip Lindsay managed to rack up 59 yards (but no touchdowns) on 14 carries.

#024
Oakland Raiders (3-4)
Season Point Differential: -041

Despite Derek Carr going 18 for 30 for 285 yards and three TD passes, the Raiders dropped a tough one 27-24 to Houston on the road Sunday. Of course, the game still had plenty of bright spots — such as Hunter Renfrow’s 65-yard TD run, and Tyrell Williams notching up 91 yards and one score on just three catches — which, wouldn’t you know it, you can relive anytime you want (in stream-of-conscious form) RIGHT HERE.

ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE DRAFT

#025
Cleveland Browns (2-5)
Season Point Differential: -048

Despite the 27-13 loss to the Patriots Sunday, Nick Chubb had decent stats for the Browns, finishing the contest with 131 yards on 20 carries. Alas, Baker Mayfield wasn’t quite as impressive, finishing the outing 20 for 31 with a one-to-one TD-to-INT split for 194 yards on the day — 151, actually, once you dial in the five times he got sacked by Pats’ defenders.

#026
Arizona Cardinals (3-4-1)
Season Point Differential: -053

Even in a demoralizing 31-9 loss to the Saints, Kyler Murray still managed to post some more-than-respectable numbers. At the final horn, the former Sooner went 19 for 33 for 220 passing yards, plus another 13 yards rushing. Of course, since the only person on the team who scored was kicker Zane Gonzalez, the team wound up losing by just three touchdowns, but hey — what do you expect out of a team currently going through year 10 of its rebuilding process?

#027
New York Giants (2-6)
Season Point Differential: -060

Despite Daniel Jones (28 for 41, 322 yards) lobbing four touchdown passes against the Lions, the Giants still fell to Detroit 31-26 over the weekend. One might want to blame that narrow lose on New York’s frustrating inability to get the run game going; indeed, Saquon Barkley could only muster 64 yards, and no end zone visitations, on 19 carries.

#028
Atlanta Falcons (1-7)
Season Point Differential: -085

Unsurprisingly, the luckless Falcons fell to Seattle 27-20 over the weekend, but at least Atlanta can take some solace in knowing that Matt Schaub’s ancient-ass can still rack up the air miles. In the seven-point loss, the not-so-venerable back-up-QB-to-the-stars went 39 for 52 for 460 yards and a one to one TD-to-INT ratio, with Julio Jones leading the herd with 152 yards on just 10 pick-ups.

#029
Cincinnati Bengals (0-8)
Season Point Differential: -086

The Ginger Gunslinger era may officially be over in Cincy, as the management announced Andy Dalton is being benched in the wake of Sunday’s 24-10 loss to the Rams. By the way, Dalton actually had some pretty decent looking numbers in the two-touchdown loss; he went 32 for 25 for 329 yards and one TD pass, and managed to do so by only getting sacked five times for minus 32 yards on the day.

#030
Washington Redskins (1-7)
Season Point Differential: -096

Well, at least Washington kinda’ hung in there in Thursday night’s 19-9 loss to the Vikings. Case Keenum went 12 for 16 for 130 yards and no TD passes in the losing effort, with top receiver Terry McLaurin hauling in just four catches for a relatively minute 39 yards; but on the plus side, at least Adrian Peterson looked solid-is, concluding the game with 76 yards on 14 carries.

#031
New York Jets (1-6)
Season Point Differential: -107

No, Sam Darnold did not have a good day in Sunday’s 29-15 loss to the Jags. Going 21 for 30 for 218 yards, he lobbed two TD passes but also threw two interceptions, in addition to getting sacked EIGHT TIMES on the day. And don’t look to the run game to bail the Jets out on this one — at the final horn, Le’Veon Bell had a microscopic 23 yards on nine touches.

#032
Miami Dolphins (0-7)
Season Point Differential: -161

The Dolphins leapt out to a 14-o lead against the Steelers Monday night — only for Pittsburgh to score 27 unanswered en route to Miami securing their seventh consecutive loss of the season. And as evident by the final score, no, FITZMAGIC is not happening down there in South Florida; and the final horn, Ryan F. Went 21 for 34 for 190 yards, two TD passes and two interceptions — make it 170, if you want to factor in the four sacks he ate before the scoreboard read all zeroes.

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.