LIVE Play-By-Play Coverage From Week 11's Raiders vs. Texans Game!

Hi, Brock. My name's Khalil. Any idea how you say "sack dat ass" en Espanol? 

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@Jimbo__X

Join The Internet Is In America on Monday, Nov. 21, for our LIVE play-by-play (well, more like possession-by-possession, but that shit is deathly for SEO) coverage of week 11's Raiders vs. Texans game EN VIVO EN CIUDAD DE MÉXICO. The shenanigans begin at 7 p.m. eastern time (with updates every commercial break) so be sure to bookmark this shit before kickoff. And as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#silverandblacklivesmatter)...

7:09 p.m. - Alright folks, we are about an hour and a half away from kickoff down in Estadio Azteca. As of the moment, both the Raiders and Texans lead their respective divisions, with a win for Oakland - momentarily - slotting them in as the No. 1 overall seed in the AFC.

7:10 p.m. - Running backs Alfred Blue and Jonathan Grimes are both out for Houston. Vince Wilfork, Jay Prosch and Will Fuller are all listed as questionable for the Texans.

7:11 p.m. - Latavius Murray and Amari Cooper, per ESPN, are listed as questionable for Oakland. Rodney Hudson, Sean Smith and Stacy McGee are all gametime decisions. 

7:13 p.m. - Vegas has the Raiders as a 7 point favorite, with the over/under set at 46.

7:17 p.m. - The Raiders are averaging nearly 10 more points per contest than the Texans, while the Texans' defense is allowing close to five less points per game than the Raiders' D.

7:18 p.m. - Oakland is putting up 406.1 yards per contest and allowing 406.2 The Texans are putting up 323.4 yards per game and allowing 330.9.

7:19 p.m. - So far this season, the Texans are 5-3-1 against the spread. The Raiders are 5-4. Houston is 1-2 against the spread as an underdog, while the Raiders are 0-3 as favorites. 
8:21 p.m. - So, yeah, in case you didn't know, tonight's game is being played in Mexico City, where the elevation is about 2,000 feet higher than in Denver. That said, there's a good chance Sebastian Janikowski might try for a 90-yard field goal.

8:26 p.m. - Ariana Grande sings the National Anthem. Of the U.S. In Mexico's capital city. Julian Alvarez (uh, no clue guys) does the national anthem of Mexico. Which, if I am not mistaken, is "La Cucaracha."

8:29 p.m. - Interestingly, Los Mexicanos didn't boo the national anthem. And because we have to politicize goddamn everything, the announcer makes a quick quip about Donald Trump, because fuck escaping the gravity of D.C. politics, for even one fucking football game.

8:32 p.m. - Texans get the ball first. They begin at their own 25.

8:33 p.m. - Griffin gets about five yards on the pick-up.

8:33 p.m. - Second and six. The back gets crushed by Irvin for a two-yard loss.

8:34 p.m. - Third and eight. The receive appears to have enough to move the chains, but there is a flag on the play. 

8:35 p.m. - Holding against Oakland. Houston declines it and accepts the new set of downs.

8:35 p.m. - A bobbled catch results in an incompletion on first down.

8:36 p.m. - Second and 10. The back gets maybe three yards.

8:36 p.m. - Third and seven. Hopkins ruled out of bounds at the OAK 36.

8:39 p.m. - Second and seven. It's a third and five situation.

8:40 p.m. -  Anderson picks up the catch for 14 yards and a new set of downs.

8:44 p.m. - Third and seven. Brock Os is pressured and he just throws it away.

8:44 p.m. - Houston kicks a field goal. That gives them the early lead, 3-0.

8:50 p.m. - Bare with me folks - the connection tonight is pure shit.

8:58 p.m. - Well, I've no damned clue what happened over the last 10 minutes. Hooray for surprises and a godawful Internet Service Provider!

8:59 p.m. - OK, it's still 3-0 Houston. The Raiders have the ball back. Clive Walford gets 17 yards for the team's first first down of the night.

9:00 p.m. - Olawale gets close to a first down pick-up.

9:01 p.m. - Second and one. Murray moves the sticks.

9:01 p.m. - OK, it was ruled a third and one. But Murray picks up the new set of downs, for real this time.

9:02 p.m. - Murray runs for four, maybe five yards.

9:03 p.m. - Second and seven. False start call against Donald Penn makes it second and 12.

9:04 p.m. - Incomplete deep downfield to Crabtree, but flags are down.

9:05 p.m. - Pass interference call against Houston gives the Raiders a HUGE pick-up.

9:05 p.m. - First and 10 at the HOU 20. And that's the end of the first quarter, folks.

9:10 p.m. - And there goes the connection again. Fuck this shit.

9:12 p.m. - My feed comes back, and the Raiders are up 7-3. And they are already BACK in the red zone.

9:13 p.m. - Second and goal. Olawale can't get in. That makes it third and goal.

9:14 p.m. - The throw to Clive Walford is no good.

9:14 p.m. - Out comes Sea-bass. He is automatic. 10-3, Raiders.

9:20 p.m. - Second and 10 for the Texans. Houston about three or do yards shy of the first down marker.

9:21 p.m. - Third and two. Texans call a timeout.

9:22 p.m. - All right, so it appears the Texans royally hunched the pooch on a kick return earlier. Thus, why the Raiders were already in the red zone, like, five seconds after scoring a TD.

9:23 p.m. - Also, it was a 17-yard Jalen Richard end zone saunter. Shit, I am sad I missed that one.

9:24 p.m. - And the Texans convert. 

9:24 p.m. - Second and three for Houston.

9:25 p.m. - The Texans take another timeout.

9:26 p.m. - Fuck it, it's a Lamar Miller touchdown run down the sideline. 

9:27 p.m. - Wait, it doesn't appear that the ball broke the plane. The refs will be back with their decision right after this commercial break...

9:29 p.m. - The TD is called back. Houston gets it at the OAK 1.

9:30 p.m. - Os almost picked off ... he catches a pass deflected off Autry and then gets sacked. 

9:31 p.m. - Second and goal. And the Texans are hit with a false start penalty.

9:31 p.m. - HOU has been pushed back to the 13 yard line. And there's Braxton Miller in the endzone for the TD catch.

9:33 p.m. - It's 10-10 in Mexico City. About nine minutes left in the second quarter.

9:36 p.m. - Touchback for the Raiders. They'll begin at their own 25.

9:36 p.m. - Richard runs it up the gut for maybe a two yard gain.

9:36 p.m. - Second and eight. Richard with a pick up of maybe four.

9:37 p.m. - Third and four. And Crabtree drops a gimme first down. Fuck it all.

9:38 p.m. - And Miller (of the Braxton variety) goes down at the HOU 10 on the kick. 

9:39 p.m. - Flag is down. And they pick it back up.

9:40 p.m. - Miller dropped behind the line for a considerable loss.

9:41 p.m. - Second and 12. That C.J. kid gets enough to move the sticks.

9:42 p.m. - Miller gets two, maybe three on the follow-up run.

9:42 p.m - Shilique Calhoun is shaken up. He's back up but limping a little off field.

9:43 p.m. - Second and seven. The Texans convert again.

9:44 p.m. - Houston at their own 40. The back goes down at the line of scrimmage.

9:44 p.m. - Second and nine. Bruce Irvin trips up the back at the line again.

9:45 p.m. - Third and nine. And Hayden breaks up the pass to force Houston to punt.

9:46 p.m. - Raiders are going to take over at their own 25.

9:46 p.m. - Crabtree slips, but at least he maintains possession for a short gain.

9:47 p.m. - Second and six. Flag down. Clowney leapt offsides. 

9:48 p.m. - Second and one at the two minute warning.

9:50 p.m. - Incomplete to Roberts. Would've been a huge gain, too.

9:51 p.m. - Third and one. Olawale swallowed up in the backfield for a loss.

9:52 p.m. - King punts it away. And the Mexican fans are trying to blind Brock Osweiler with lasers pointers.

9:53 p.m. - MALCOLM SMITH WITH THE INTERCEPTION!

9:53 p.m. - Another dropped pass by Robert. 

9:54 p.m. - Murray with about a nine yard run. Third and two with a minute left.

9:55 p.m. - Murray hit at the line. The clock continues to run.

9:55 p.m. - Raiders going for it on fourth and one.

9:56 p.m. - Crabtree bobbles it, and the Texans get the ball back at midfield with about 16 seconds left. 

9:57 p.m. - Nine seconds left. No dice on the Hail Mary. Still two seconds left on the clock.

9:58 p.m. - And Mack sacks Brock to close out the first half. 

9:59 p.m. - All right, it's still 10-10. The Texans have done a good job stopping the Raiders run, and the Raiders' receiving corps have done a horrid job holding on to the ball this evening.

10:00 p.m. - Thus far, the Texans are outyarding the Raiders 166 to 81. The Texans have 99 yards passing compared to the Raiders' 74. Meanwhile, Houston is outrunning Oakland 67 to seven. 

10:16 p.m. - Alright, the Raiders get the ball back to begin the third quarter.

10:19 p.m. - Richard takes a knee, so the Raiders take over at their own 25. 

10:20 p.m. - And Derek Carr lobs an interception on first down. Fuck my whole goddamn shitting sorry ass fucking life.

10:21 p.m. - Well, at least the receiver drops the first pass.

10:21 p.m. - Second and 10 at the HOU 35. The receiver bobbles it and it's incomplete.

10:22 p.m. - Third and 10. Osweiler has to scramble. Looks like he is about a yard shy of the first down marker.

10:23 p.m. - Perry Riley looks a little shaken up. He is walking off the field now.

10:23 p.m. - Fourth and one. Houston, apparently, is going for it.

10:24 p.m. - The back appears to have enough to move the chains. 

10:24 p.m. - First and 10 at the HOU 45. He hits the tight end for a new set of downs.

10:25 p.m. - Miller runs for about three, maybe four yards.

10:26 p.m. - Houston's center is slow to get up.

10:26 p.m. - Duane Brown just walked off field, too.

10:26 p.m. - Tony Bergstrom - yes, the old Raider - is in for center for the Texans.

10:27 p.m. - Third and two. The regular center is back in and so is Duane Brown. Braxton Miller has enough to move the chains.

10:29 p.m. - Perry Riley back in the game. Flag is down. Holding against the defense. Houston declines it, it remains second down.

10:29 p.m. - Second and two at the OAK 12. The back moves the sticks.

10:30 p.m. - First and goal. Miller gets back to the line of scrimmage, but that is it.

10:31 p.m. - Second and goal. Miller pushed out of bounds after maybe a three, four yard gain.

10:31 p.m. - Third and goal. Incomplete, but a flag is down.

10:32 p.m. - Pass interference against the Raiders moves the ball to the OAK 1.

10:33 p.m. - And Lamar Miller runs it up the gut for the score. 

10:34 p.m. - The PAT is good. That makes it 17-10, Texans.

10:36 p.m. - Touchback for the Raiders.

10:37 p.m. - Olawale with a six yard catch.

10:39 p.m. - Second and four. Shit, they just cannot get that run game going tonight.

10:40 p.m. - And Crabtree finally reels in a first down pass.

10:41 p.m. - Amari Cooper may have lost a yard on the catch.

10:41 p.m. - Second and 11. Richard gets about five.

10:42 p.m. - Third and seven. Walford with a big catch to move the chains. 

10:43 p.m. - And a Texans defender gets hit with a helmet to helmet penalty. Fifteen free yards for the Raiders. 

10:43 p.m. - Flags EVERYWHERE. 

10:44 p.m. - It's against the Raiders. First and 15 around the HOU 40.

10:44 p.m. - Murray gets about seven yards on the catch.

10:45 p.m. - Second and eight. AND CRABTREE CAN'T HOLD ON TO THE BALL IN THE ENDZONE.

10:46 p.m. - Third and eight. Obvious pass interference against the Texans on a deep throw to Crabtree. 

10:49 p.m. - First and goal at the HOU 8. So many damn low hikes to Derek Carr. 

10:50 p.m. - Walford bobbles it. Second and goal.

10:50 p.m. - Roberts takes it to the HOU 3. Third and goal.

10:50 p.m. - Nobody open in the endzone.

10:51 p.m. - Janikowski out to kick. He makes it. 17-13 with 2:39 left in the third quarter.

10:55 p.m. - OK, I am going to Skype my girlfriend real quick. I might be back, and I might not.

10:56 p.m. - The running back for Houston slips in the backfield and gets smashed by every single Raider ever.

10:57 p.m. - Second and 15. Fuller juggles the ball but holds onto it for a new set of downs.

10:57 p.m. - The ball bounces of Braxton Miller on first down.

10:58 p.m. - Second and 10 at the HOU 35. Brock scrambles to move the chains. A good 11 yard run.

10:59 p.m. - And the Texans take it down to the OAK 30 as the third quarter concludes.

11:02 p.m. - Miller gets about five yards on a catch and run.

11:03 p.m. - Second and five. Miller dropped about two yards shy of the first down marker.

11:03 p.m. - Miller runs it down the gut and that'll move the chains.

11:04 p.m. - First and 10 at the OAK 20. Miller takes it to the 14.

11:05 p.m. - Boy, that field is pure shit tonight.

11:05 p.m. - Second and four. Flags down. Delay of game penalty costs Houston five yards.

11:05 p.m. - Second and nine. Looks like the receiver will go down a yard shy of moving the sticks.

11:06 p.m. - Third and one. Incomplete. 

11:07 p.m. - The Texans' kicker is out. The field goal is good. That makes it 20-13, Houston.

11:29 p.m. - And that was the Skype call to my GF. As soon as she answered the call, Olawale broke off a damn near 80 yard run to tie it all up 20-20.

11:29 p.m. - Now the Raiders have the ball at their own 10 with about six minutes to go.

11:31 p.m. - Second and two. Murray runs it in for the new set of downs.

11:31 p.m. - Crabtree can't reel it in. Oh, the Texans turned it over on a fourth and one run earlier, for those of you wondering how the Raiders got the ball back.

11:32 p.m. - Second and 10. And Murray runs it down to the HOU 35. A 39-yard gain.

11:33 p.m. - TOUCHDOWN AMARI COOPER!

11:34 p.m. - A nearly 40-yard catch and run for Coop. Sea-bass is automatic. The Raiders take back the lead, 27-20, with a little under five minutes left in the fourth.

11:36 p.m. - Houston takes over at their own 25. Loud "DEFENSE" chants. 

11:37 p.m. - Second and four. ALMOST intercepted by David Amerson.

11:38 p.m. -Third and four. Hopkins gets enough to move the chains.

11:38 p.m. - Four minutes left. Second and five.

11:39 p.m. - Bruce Irvin sacks Osweiler. Flags are down.

11:39 p.m. - Holding call against Houston. The Raiders decline it.

11:40 p.m. - About three minutes left. Third and 10.

11:40 p.m. - The receiver goes out of bounds about five yards shy of the first down marker. The Texans punt.

11:41 p.m. - Oh shit, I forgot about Shane Lechler being the Texans punter. 

11:41 p.m. - Carrie goes down at the OAK 20.

11:42 p.m. - Murray gets about three, maybe four on the first down run.

11:42 p.m. - Second and seven. Jalen Richard with a huge pick up down to the OAK 42.

11:43 p.m. - And that's our two minute warning, folks.

11:45 p.m. - Raiders at midfield. Second and six for Murray.

11:46 p.m. - Oakland's running backs have 199 receiving yards tonight. 

11:46 p.m. - Third and four. A minute and a half remaining. Murray about a yard shy of moving the sticks. Two flags down.

11:47 p.m. - Fourth and one. Raiders take a timeout.

11:48 p.m. - Looks like they are going for it. 

11:49 p.m - And Murray runs it down the gut to move the chains. Flag is down.

11:49 p.m. - Personal foul against the Texans - Wilfork tried to Bonsai Drop Latavius Murray like Yokozuna used to.

11:51 p.m. - And Derek Carr just takes a knee. 

11:52 p.m. - The fourth quarter clock expires, and our winners down in Mexico City - THE OAKLAND RAIDERS! With the 27-20 win, the Silver and Black improve to 8-2 on the year. Not only does the victory give them firm control of the AFC West, it makes them the NO. 1 OVERALL SEED IN THE AFC.

11:59 p.m. - Holy shit, I love football ... with a passion.

Read More

2016 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings (Week Five!)

Tell the Associated Press to take a hike ... these are the only college pigskin rankings you ought to pay any attention to.

By: Jimbo X

JimboXAmerican@gmail.com

@Jimbo__X

This Week's Episode:

"I'll A.C.C. you in hell"

The A.P.? The USA Today's Coaches Poll? Whatever jibber-jabber is being puked out over at ESPN and Bleacher Report? Puh-leeze, we all know those alleged "Top 25" countdowns are pathetic jokes penned by homers, Power Five loyalists and Notre Dame nuthuggers. That's why I decided to release my own weekly rundown of the best FBS college football squads in the States, completely devoid of all the usual fanboyism and corporate malarkey that makes lists of the like elsewhere so unbelievably annoying.

Throughout the regular season, a new installment will go up every Wednesday morning, so you may want to bookmark this sucker for future reference ... and to show to all of your fellow NCAA football lovin' chums, so they can know that - at least somewhere out in the tangled, endlessly frustrating World Wide Web - there's someone on the Internet with some goddamn horse sense when it comes to ranking college 'ball teams.

01

Clemson (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Boston College (Oct. 07)

In the absolute biggest game of the college football season thus far, Deshaun Watson more than rose to the occasion. In a thrilling 42-36 win over the red hot Louisville Cardinals, Clemson's QB had a hell of a game, lobbing the rock for five touchdown passes and 306 yards (plus another 91 rushing yards.) Granted, he also threw three interceptions, but I reckon his late fourth quarter heroics easily cancel out that trifling little criticism.

02

Alabama (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Arkansas (Oct. 08)

Another 'Bama game, another defensive showcase. While Jalen Hurts looked good in the 34-6 win over Kentucky (he finished the game with 262 passing yards and two touchdowns on 20 completions), the Tide's defense was definitely the most impressive aspect of the victory. At the final horn, the Wildcats had only accumulated an anemic 89 passing yards ... and an even more iron-deficient 72 yards rushing. 

03

Ohio State (4-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Indiana (Oct. 08)

There was absolutely no drama in the Buckeyes 58-0 obliteration of Rutgers. J.T. Barrett had a tremendous showing, going 21 for 29 on pass attempts with 239 total aerial yards (and with them, four touchdown strikes.) Don't sleep on stellar running back Mike Weber, neither - he finished the route with 144 yards and one TD gallop on 14 carries. 

04

Michigan (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Rutgers (Oct. 08)

In a defensive showcase, the Wolverines just barely outlasted conference foes Wisconsin 14-7. While Wilton Speight was OK (he went 20 for 32 for 218 yards and one TD), really, it was Michigan's D that keep them competitive here, with the boys in blue and gold intercepting Badgers' QB Alex Hornibrook no less than three times. 

05

Houston (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Navy (Oct. 08)

The Cougars absolutely creamed helpless, hapless and hopeless UConn last Thursday night, with Greg Ward, Jr. and company beating the Huskies 42-14. Speaking of Ward, he had perhaps his most impressive game of the season, going 32 for 38 on passing attempts for 389 yards and three touchdowns. Oh, and he picked up another 65 yards - plus another two TDs - with his feet, just because.  

06

Washington (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Oregon (Oct. 08)

The Huskies obliterated the always singular Cardinal last Friday night, positively throttling Stanford 44-6. Washington QB Jake Browning had 210 yards and 3 touchdowns in the outing, while receiver Myles Gaskin wrapped up the affair with 100 yards and two TDs on 18 carries. Just as impressive? The Huskies' defense, which held Stanford to an astonishingly low 29 rushing yards all game long. 

07

Texas A&M (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Tennessee (Oct. 08)

Although Trevor Knight  (206 yards, no TDs and one INT on 23 completions) didn't impress in his team's 24-13 win over South Carolina, he didn't really have, to considering the effectiveness and efficiency of the Aggies' running back corps. In all, A&M's scramblers collected 216 yards and three rushing scores, with Trayveon Williams leading the pack with 98 yards on 14 carries.

08

Tennessee (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Texas A&M (Oct. 08)

With just four seconds left on the clock, Joshua Dobbs made sure he'll never have to pay for a meal in Knoxville ever again when he lobbed a last second Hail Mary touchdown pass to put the Vols over UGA, 34-31. While the dramatic conclusion overshadows everything else about the game, Dobbs' overall stats from the outing shouldn't be overlooked - he finished the SEC East showdown with an impressive 230 yards and three touchdowns on just 16 completions. 

09

Baylor (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Kansas (Oct. 15)

Iowa State made it close, but they still couldn't fight off the advances of Baylor, who won a very, very tight 45-42 road game. The Bears running back committee did an excellent job controlling the tempo of the game, ultimately finishing the consensual(?) contest with 469 rushing yards and five touchdowns on the ground. The game ball definitely belongs to halfback Shock Linwood, who wrapped up the day with a remarkable 237 yards on 25 carries.

10

Miami (4-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Florida State (Oct. 08)

The Hurricanes had no troubles in Atlanta over the weekend, besting Georgia Tech 35-21 in a relatively facile road win. Still, there are some things to be worried about if you bleed orange and green. Not only did Brad Kaaya have a pretty ho-hum day (241 yards and just one TD on 13 completions), the Canes' defense let GT run all over them, with the the Yellow Jackets ultimately racking up 267 rushing yards in their losing effort.

11

Nebraska (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Indiana (Oct. 15)

Are the Cornhuskers for real? Despite their 31-16 win against Illinois last Saturday, the team really hasn't gone toe-to-toe with what you would call "elite" competition so far this season (and in the closest they've gotten, they almost got beat by Oregon.) Still, Tommy Armstrong, Jr. is playing pretty well and Terrell Newby - who had 140 yards and two TDs in Nebraska's win over the weekend - is slowly shaping up into one of the most consistently productive backs in college football. 

12

Boise State (4-0)

Next Opponent: vs. New Mexico (Oct. 07)

The blue turfers continue to impress, with their latest victory a 21-10 "W" over Utah State. While quarterback Brett Rypien had a solid enough showing (163 yards and two touchdowns on 15 completions), it was the Broncos run game that really put Boise State in the driver's seat. Talented halfback Jeremy McNichols concluded the game 132 yards on 30 carries ... albeit, without recording any end zone visitations.

13

West Virginia (4-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Texas Tech (Oct. 15)

Skyler Howard was definitely the difference maker in the Mountaineers' one-point win over Kansas State. West Virginia's quarterback had 298 yards on 24 completions in the 17-16 win, with receiver Shelton Gibson (104 yards on just three catches) and halfback Justin Crawford (104 yards and a TD on 18 carries) also doing their part to keep the Big 12 overperformers among the ranks of the (surprisingly) unbeaten.

14

Air Force (4-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Wyoming (Oct. 07)

In a 28-14 win over Navy, the Falcons' defense showed some positive signs and some fairly negatives ones. On the negative side of the equation, they let Will Worth lob the rock for 260 yards (and remember, Navy is not a team that likes to throw the ball ... for any reason.) But as positives, Air Force did intercept Worth twice, and they held Navy's potent rushing attack to just 57 yards. And holy shit, did I laugh my head off when I found out an Air Force played named "Timothy McVey" scored a touchdown. 

15

Maryland (4-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Penn State (Oct. 08)

The Terrapins continued their winning ways, absolutely beating the dog shit out of Purdue 50-7. While the Boilermakers had about 100 more passing yards than Maryland, the Terrapins positively butt fucked their foes on the ground. The final rushing yardage count from last Saturday's match-up? Purdue, 10, Maryland, four-fucking-hundred. 

16

Western Michigan (5-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Northern Illinois (Oct. 08)

The other other team in Michigan is doing pretty well for themselves. The Broncos improved to 5-0 on the season following last Saturday's 49-10 win over Central Michigan, in which QB Zach Terrell threw three touchdowns, two of which were ran in by talented receiver Corey Davis. Also looking good in the outing was running back Jarvion Franklin, who finished the contest with 132 yards and two rushing touchdowns on 23 carries. 

17

Louisville (4-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Duke (Oct. 14)

Last Saturday's prime-time donnybrook with Clemson was everything we hoped it would be and then some. Unfortunately, it didn't have the outcome Cardinals fans wanted, as Louisville dropped a close one to Clemson, 42-36. While Lamar Jackson didn't put up his usual NFL Fever 2003 numbers, his stats were still rather impressive: he went 1:1 on TDs to INTs thrown, ultimately collecting 295 passing yards on 27 completions (and oh yeah, another two scrambling touchdowns, and another 162 yards on the ground.) 

18

North Carolina (4-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Virginia Tech (Oct. 08)

And with a fateful 54-yard field goal as time expired, the Tar Heels may have effectively ended the season of the Florida State Seminoles. While the 37-35 upset win will likely forever be known as Jimbo Fisher's Waterloo, you really shouldn't discount what UNC has done this season. And their quarterback, Mitch Trubisky, is pretty damned good, too; last Saturday, he lobbed the rock for more than 400 yards and recorded three touchdown passes on 31 completions.

19

Wisconsin (4-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Ohio State (Oct. 15)

Even after you factor in Alex Hornibrook's three interceptions, the Badgers kept the game against Michigan over the weekend  very close. Alas, even in the narrow 14-7 loss, it's pretty obvious this team has some major deficiencies when it comes to offense: do you start with the fact that they only recorded 88 passing yards in their last defeat, or the fact that they only recorded 71 yards rushing?

20

Florida (4-1)

Next Opponent: vs. LSU (Oct. o8)

There is really no excuse for the Gators struggling as much as they did against Vanderbilt, but they nonetheless managed to eke out an absurdly slim 13-6 win over the weekend. Believe it or not, the Commodores actually managed to outrun Florida 147 yards to 92, and they kept it surprisingly close when it came to the passing tally (where Florida held a narrow 144 to 118 lead.) Still, Vanderbilt lobbed two costly interceptions, and the Gators were more than happy settling for field goals in a minimalist outing. 

21

Arkansas (4-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Alabama (Oct. 08)

The Razorbacks positively sodomized Alcorn State over the weekend, pounding the Braves into submission in a commanding 52-10 win. Especially impressive was Arkansas' rushing attack, which saw backs DevWah Whaley and Rawleigh Williams III combine for 261 yards and a TD saunter on 22 total carries. The question now is, does Arkansas have the defensive chops to upset Nick Sabin's boys this weekend? 

22

Arizona State (4-1)

Next Opponent: vs. UCLA (Oct. 08)

The Sun Devils tasted defeat for the first time this season, having dropped a late Saturday contest against USC 41-20. Manny Wilkins - who, for the most part, has been pretty solid this season - had his worst showing of the year, going 13 for 24 and recording just 148 yards of aerial offense ... with no touchdowns. Oh, and their pass defense sucked royally, having allowed the Trojans to lob the rock for a far too high 366 yards. 

23

Utah (4-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Arizona (Oct. 08)

The Utes dropped a heart breaker Saturday, falling to California 28-23. Troy Williams had no touchdown passes, but he nonetheless was able to pick up 266 yards on 24 completions. The defense also held up fairly well in the losing effort, limiting Cal's rushing attack to only 56 yards. Granted, they still let Davis Webb throw the ball for 306 yards and four touchdowns, so don't kid yourself into thinking this isn't a squad without some major defensive deficiencies. 

24

Stanford (3-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Washington State (Oct. 08)

Following last week's horrendous 44-6 loss to Washington, the always singular Cardinal are going to have to do a lot of work to even think about being considered for the National Championship playoffs. A good place to start retooling this team? The stagnant rushing attack, which posted a measly 29 yards in the drubbing by the Cougars. 

25

Colorado (4-1)

Next Opponent: vs. USC (Oct. 08)

The Buffaloes made short work of Oregon State, beating the beavers (huh, huh) 47-6 last Saturday. Shay Fields is definitely a name to remember; in the one-sided hammering, the talented receiver posted 169 yards and three touchdowns on only seven carries. 

Read More

2016 NCAA Football Rankings (Week Two Update!)

Tell the Associated Press to take a hike ... these are the only college pigskin rankings you ought to pay any attention to.

By: Jimbo X

JimboXAmerican@gmail.com

@Jimbo__X

This Week's Episode:

When the school you root for beats the crap out of the school you actually attended

The A.P.? The USA Today's Coaches Poll? Whatever jibber-jabber is being puked out over at ESPN and Bleacher Report? Puh-leeze, we all know those alleged "Top 25" countdowns are pathetic jokes penned by homers, Power Five loyalists and Notre Dame nuthuggers. That's why I decided to release my own weekly rundown of the best FBS college football squads in the States, completely devoid of all the usual fanboyism and corporate malarkey that makes lists of the like elsewhere so unbelievably annoying.

Throughout the regular season, a new installment will go up every Wednesday morning, so you may want to bookmark this sucker for future reference ... and to show to all of your fellow NCAA football lovin' chums, so they can know that - at least somewhere out in the tangled, endlessly frustrating World Wide Web - there's someone on the Internet with some goddamn horse sense when it comes to ranking college 'ball teams.

01

Alabama (2-0)

Next Opponent: Ole Miss (Sept. 17)

In a 38-10 win over Western Kentucky, Alabama showcased their two most dangerous offensive and defensive attributes. While traditionally considered  a rushing-based attack, this year's Alabama squad appears to be much more aerial-minded, with QB Jalen Hurts and back-up Blake Barnett teaming up for two touchdown strikes and 351 passing yards on the day. Then, there's the Tide's bruising defense; holding the Hilltoppers to only 216 aerial yards is  something to brag about on its own, but holding the same team to just 23 rushing yards on the day? Yeah, this is definitely a team most SEC squads - or squads from any conference, for that matter - desperately do not want to see on their schedule. The big question now? Can the Tide head into Oxford this Saturday and get their biggest elephant of the last two seasons off their own backs? 

02

Houston (2-0)

Next Opponent: Cincinnati (Sept. 15)

In  42-0 blowout that was delayed for about an hour due to lightning, the Cougars absolutely ran Lamar off the field, with no less than three Houston players (Kevrin Justice, Mulbah Car and backup QB Kyle Postma) racking up at least 100 rushing yards on the day and collectively assembling five of the team's six total running touchdowns. And if you think that's impressive, just wait until you look at the team's defensive stats: not only did they prevent Lamar from sniffing the endzone once, they held the Cardinals to an insanely low 58 yards passing and an almost impossibly meager 15 yards rushing throughout the one-sided drubbing.

03

Wisconsin (2-0)

Next Opponent: Georgia State (Sept. 17)

The Badgers, as expected, battered the Akron Zips over the weekend, pummeling the hopeless, hapless and helpless Mid-American Conference team to the tune of 54-10. Bart Houston looked solid with two touchdown passes and and 231 yards on 15 completions (with receivers Jazz Peavy and Robert Wheelwright teaming up for 199 yards and two scores) while Wisconsin's running game was downright superb: Corey Clement had 111 yards and two touchdowns on 21 carries and Bradrick Shaw had one trip to the end zone and 74 total yards on nine carries. Wisconsin's defense also shine, holding the Zip to a scant 136 receiving yards and only 88 yards rushing. 

04

Florida State (2-0)

Next Opponent: Louisville (Sept. 17)

In a game that saw Charleston Southern bench 10 starters for a bizarre book store violation, the Seminoles made short work of the Buccaneers, skewering the team 52-8. The triple threat of Deondre Francois (3 TDs, 262 passing yards), Dalvin Cook (2 TDs, 73 yards) and Travis Rudolph (2 TDs, 105 receiving yards) definitely proved their mettle on the field, with special teams wunderkind Jesus Wilson recording a stellar 89-yard punt return for six on the board. FSU now turns its attention toward Louisville, in what should be one of the most intriguing ... and impactful ... games of week three. 

05

Texas (2-0)

Next Opponent: California (Sept. 17)

The Longhorns steamrolled UTEP 41-7 over the weekend, with QB Shane Buechele tossing four touchdowns and collecting 244 yards on 22 completions. The bigger story? Just how good Texas' defense is. They limited the Miners to just 135 rushing yards on 40 carries and an extremely low 73 passing yards. And just like that, the long-faltering 'horns, all of a sudden, are once again relevant in the Big 12 championship discussion, for what seems like the first time since Barack Obama was elected. 

06

Texas A&M (2-0)

Next Opponent: Auburn (Sept. 17)

The Aggies had no problems at all with Prairie View A&M, absolutely crushing the Panthers in a 67-0 anti-contest. Trevor Knight lobbed three touchdown passes in the blowout, ultimately accumulating 344 yards on 21 completions (just for the lulz, he also ran the ball for 78 yards and collected another score with his feet.) Receiver Christian Kirk also had a solid showing, reeling in the ball five times for 106 yards and two trips to the end zone. Defensively, A&M also looked quite spiffy; at the end of the fourth quarter, they had allowed Prairie View to rack up 173 aerial yards and a minute 32 yards on the ground. 

07

Ohio State (2-0)

Next Opponent: Oklahoma (Sept. 17)

J.T. Barrett had no aerial touchdowns in the Buckeyes' 48-3 win over Tulsa. Then again, seeing as how Ohio State's run game accounted for four touchdowns and 268 yards overall, you can probably overlook his lackluster 149-yard passing day. Also: Ohio State's defense was positively killer, limiting the Golden Hurricanes to just 127 passing yards and only 61 yards rushing. Next stop for Ohio State? A much ballyhooed inter-conference tilt against Bob Stoops' Sooners this Saturday, which naturally, is going to be taxing as fuck tryingto figure out whose uniforms are whose. 

08

Michigan (2-0)

Next Opponent: Colorado (Sept. 17)

Central Florida was no match for the Wolverines, as Harbaugh's boys blasted the Knights 51-14. Wilton Speight lobbed the rock to the end zone four times, ultimately collecting 312 aerial yards on 25 completions. Wide receivers Amarh Dorbah (111 yards on five catches) and Jake Butt (86 yards on seven receptions) posted two touchdowns a piece, while the defense limited UCF to just 56 aerial yards on the day. The downside for the Michigan faithful? They only put up 119 rushing yards of their own, while allowing the Knights to put up 275 on the ground. 

09

Louisville (2-0)

Next Opponent: Florida State (Sept. 17)

The Heisman race is over, folks: just two games into the 2016 NCAA football season, Louisville QB Lamar Jackson has already posted 13 touchdowns. Oh, and by the way ... he sat out the entire second half of the Cardinals first game of the season. The phenom continued to impress with a 62-28 win over Syracuse, in which he racked up one aerial TD and 411 yards on 20 completions and scrambled for an additional four touchdowns and 199 yards ... including one facilitated by some straight up NFL Street level hurdling. Up next, Louisville hosts Florida State in their first truly competitive match-up of the year ... and needless to say, the outcome of this one is going to reverberate throughout the ACC landscape throughout the remainder of the season. 

10

Baylor (2-0)

Next Opponent: Rice (Sept. 16)

OK, it may be in poor taste to bring up all of the unfortunate extracurricular activities swirling around Waco in the offseason, but let's face it; Southern Methodist was practically begging Baylor to pound them out 40-13. I mean, look at how they were dressed for the game! Yeah, Seth Russell had two touchdowns and 226 passing yards, but SMU's defenders never told him to stop. I mean, if the contest wasn't consensual, then how come Baylor's defense let SMU rack up 229 passing yards on the day? My thoughts, exactly. 

11

Washington (2-0)

Next Opponent: Portland State (Sept. 17)

All you really need to know about the Huskies' 59-14 win over Idaho? Quarterback Jake Browning tossed the ball for 294 yards, collecting five touchdowns on 23 completions. No less than four Washington receivers had end zone visits, with Dante Pettis (88 yards, six catches) and John Ross (67 yards, seven catches) each punching it in two times a piece. Alas, even in a win so dominant, there are some obvious chinks in the Huskies' proverbial armor; most notably, Washington's run defense allowing the Vandals' underpowered backs to chalk up 218 yards on the ground. 

12

Clemson (2-0) 

Next Opponent: South Carolina State (Sept. 17)

If you are a Tigers fan, you have really got to be worried about Clemson. After an unexpectedly close call against Auburn, they follow up that underwhelming performance with yet another far more competitive than it ever should have been contest against a super-irrelevant Troy team. While Deshaun Watson did indeed engineer a lot of fourth quarter scoring drives to give Clemson the 30-24 win, the rest of the offense sputtered, with Clemson's running back corps accumulating a relatively meager 122 yards and no end zone visitations throughout the contest. The Tigers' D was likewise unimpressive, somehow allowing the Trojans to air it out for 245 yards. 

13

Iowa (2-0)

Next Opponent: North Dakota State (Sept. 17)

The Hawkeyes don't play the most exciting game of college ball - eschewing the flashy aerials, they simply go in there, week in and week out, and grind the pigskin into bacon salt en route to another rough and tough W. In Iowa's 42-3 throttling of Iowa State, QB CJ Beathard tossed the rock for three scores and 235 yards, as receiver Matt VandeBerg collected 129 yards and a TD on seven receptions. Meanwhile, Iowa's running back corps posted 198 yards on the day, with no less than three scramblers ... including Beathard himself ... dancing his way into enemy end zone. 

14

Oregon (2-0)

Next Opponent: Nebraska (Sept. 17)

There's no denying who the two biggest stars in the Ducks'44-26 win over Virginia were. Quarterback Dakota Prukop launched three touchdowns and finished the game with 331 yards on 21 completions, while running back hero Royce Freeman churned up the field for 207 yards and two touchdowns on 21 carries. What is effectively Nike University faces their first real test of the season this weekend, when they go toe-to-toe with unbeaten Nebraska in a game that could have big repercussions throughout the Pac-12 and Big-10.

15

Florida (2-0)

Next Opponent: North Texas (Sept. 17)

The Gators never took their feet off the throat of Kentucky, as they absolutely creamed the Wildcats 45-7. Luke Del Rio - who is related to Jack, but to the best of my knowledge not Alberto - had a field day against the perennial SEC East bottom-dweller, chalking up 320 yards and four touchdown passes, with top target Antonio Callaway registering 129 yards and a solo TD on five receptions. Florida's defense, believe it or not, was even more impressive: they held Kentucky to only 94 yards passing and a scant 55 rushing. 

16

Stanford (1-0)

Next Opponent: USC (Sept. 17)

The always singular Cardinal took a breather over the weekend, emerging this Saturday to go toe-to-toe with arch rivals Southern Cal in a prime-time throwdown. For those wondering, Stanford has pretty much owned the Trojans over the last decade, having won seven out of the last 10 match-ups (including last December's Pac-12 championshp game.)

17

Michigan State (1-0)

Next Opponent: Notre Dame (Sept. 17)

After a bye, the Spartans travel to South Bend for a Saturday night contest against the Fighting Irish. The longstanding rivalry was broken up by conference realignment in 2014, so this will be the first time Michigan State and Notre Dame trade blows since 2013. In case you were curious, Notre Dame won the last three meetings, and leads the all-time series 48-28-1.

18

Miami (2-0)

Next Opponent: Appalachian State (Sept. 17)

Despite quarterback Brad Kaaya playing like shit (in his 191 yard day, he lobbed two interceptions and no touchdowns), the Hurricanes nonetheless had no problems breezing past Florida Atlantic, as the "U" steamrolled their in-state rivals 38-10. You can thank Miami's run game for that, in particular back Mark Walton, who finished the game with 155 rushing yards and four touchdowns. Alas, the good times for Mark Richt and company may be short lived: this Saturday, they travel to Appalachian State's home turf for a noon match-up that already has many insiders clanging the "upset" bells.

19

Tennessee (2-0)

Next Opponent: Ohio (Sept. 17)

After a disastrous near-loss against App State in week one, the Vols somewhat redeemed themselves with a solid showing against West Virginia under the lights of Bristol Motor Speedway. In Tennessee's 45-24 victory, QB Joshua Dobbs looked much improved, lobbing the rock for three touchdowns on 10 completions (uh, just overlook the fact that he only had 91 passing yards on the day) plus another 146 rushing yards and two scrambling scores. Still, the Vols D looks porous as fuck; they let the generally offense-averse Mountaineers collect 214 aerial yards and another 186 on the ground. 

20

Georgia (2-0)

Next Opponent: Missouri (Sept. 17)

The Bulldogs almost incurred one of the most shocking upsets in recent college football history over the weekend, as they just barely got past Nicholls State (which I believe is in the college football tier reserved exclusively for special ed players) 26-24. Special teams errors cost Georgia dearly, with return specialist Isaiah McKenzie muffing the ball several times. Furthermore, UGA still hasn't resolved its quarterbacking dilemma, with starter Jacob Easmon, despite his 204 yard day, going a subpar 11 for 20 on pass attempts throughout the contest. 

21

Arizona State (2-0)

Next Opponent: UTSA (Sept. 16)

Don't look now, but the Sun Devils appear to have pieced together one of the most explosive offenses in all of college football. Look no further than standout running back Kalen Ballage, who set a new NCAA record with eight motherfucking touchdowns in their 68-55 win over Texas Tech. Oh, and their quarterback Manny Wilkins (358 yards and two touchdowns on 28 completions) ain't too shabby, neither. Granted, their passing defense is all kinds of terrible (they allowed the Raiders to accumulate 540 aerial yards and five touchdowns over the weekend), but hey - as long as you keep putting up NFL Blitz 2000 offensive numbers, I reckon you can overlook putting up the NFL Blitz 2000 defensive numbers.

22

Boise State (2-0)

Next Opponent: Oregon State (Sept. 24)

It wasn't easy, but the Broncos nonetheless managed to walk away from their weekend clash with Washington State victorious. In the razor thin 31-28 win, Boise State quarterback Brett Rypien (yes, the son of the former Redskins QB) played like utter dog shit, lobbing three interceptions and wrapping up the game with a cruddy 55.5 QBR (yeah, he got 299 yards, but come on, they always do.) Thankfully, the Broncos' defense managed to negate the Cougars run game, holding them to just 40 yards rushing, as BSU hero Jeremy McNichols collected 116 rushing yards and two touchdowns on 22 carries. As for the bad news? This team's secondary sucks about as much as any secondary could ever possibly suck, as they allowed Washington State to rack up an absurd 480 aerial yards and four passing touchdowns in the contest. 

23

Navy (2-0)

Next Opponent:Tulane (Sept. 17)

The Midshipmen didn't rely on quarterback Will Worth's passing to save the day in their 28-24 win over UConn. Indeed, their QB only had 130 aerial yards on the day and no touchdown passes. Rather, Navy let their run game do all the talking (and scoring), with Worth scrambling into the end zone twice while regular running backs Dishan Romine (76 yards, nine carries) and Chris High (44 yards and a TD on seven carries) did the rest of the legwork. As impressive as Navy's 243 rushing yard day was, however, their defense shows some serious flaws - as apparent by Connecticut's 254 passing yard final tally.  

24

Army (2-0)

Next Opponent: UTEP (Sept. 17)

The Black Knights' run game absolutely murder death killed Rice, as Army racked up 348 yards on the ground en route to their blowout 31-14 victory. Running back Andy Davidson looked especially good, collecting three touchdowns in his 23-carry, 107-yard day. Army's upcoming game against Texas-El Paso will be an especially heart-wrenching one, as starting cornerback Brandon Jackson died in a car accident just hours after the team's pummeling of the Owls. 

25

Pittsburgh (2-0)

Next Opponent: Oklahoma State (Sept. 17)

In their first meeting in years, the Panthers bumped off in-state foes (and child rapist sanctuary since the 1970s) Penn State in a thrilling 42-39 finish. There's not much to say about Pittsburgh's aerial game (they had just 91 receiving yards all game), but there running attack is quite potent: by the final whistler, the Panthers had accumulated 341 rushing yards and three touchdowns on the ground. In a suddenly interesting match-up, the Panthers have a big opportunity to raise their stock this weekend, as they go toe-to-toe with an Oklahoma State team that is still fuming over their bullshit loss to Central Michigan last Saturday. 

Read More