What Will the NHL Look Like in 2050?

At the midpoint of the century, what will the "Coolest Game on Earth" resemble?

Last year, I posted an article titled "What Will the NFL Look Like in 2050?" It was pretty fun guesstimating what the future of America's Game held, so I decided to take a stab at predicting the fate of the National Hockey League as well.

Really, where the League is headed in terms of expansion is anybody's guess. Like everybody else on the planet, I think it's only a matter of time until Gary B. reverses course and starts uprooting the failed sunbelt teams further west and north of the border -- a once-unthinkable proposition now made a necessity due to the high number of faltering franchises currently in the NHL.

In terms of structural changes to the game, I think the League is pretty happy with the post-Lockout rule changes, which have made the game way faster and heavier on the offense. It's tempting to hypothesize that at least one franchise -- probably one of the larger Canadian teams -- would at least TRY to move their team, full-time, to an outdoor stadium, but it's ultimately too hard a sell for the rest of the NHL ownership base. Clearly, the NHL wants to expand over the next three decades, but with a finite amount of viable franchise spots in North America, where could they possibly turn to fulfill their economic quotas?

Well, let's just say it looks the National Hockey League is heading towards some very interesting locales in the not-too-distant future....

2014 -- The Phoenix Coyotes change their name to the Arizona Coyotes. They will continue to play at Jobing.com Arena in Glendale, Ariz.

2015 -- The New York Islanders relocate  to the Barclay’s Center in Brooklyn, NY. In 2016, they officially change their name to the Brooklyn Islanders. In honor of lease-holder Jay-Z, the team officially changes its colors to black, orange and blue.

2016 -- The Nashville Predators relocate to Hamilton, Ontario. The team, now known as the Hamilton Predators, play their first game at the FirstOntario Centre during the 2017-2018 season.

2017 -- The Arizona Coyotes relocate to Quebec City. The team, rechristened as the Quebec Nordiques, begin play at the Quebecor Arena during the 2018-2019 season.

2018 -- The Tampa Bay Lightning relocate to Paradise, Nev. Changing their name to the Las Vegas Lightning, the team begins play at the MGM-AEG Arena in the 2019-2020 season.

2019 -- The Edmonton Oilers relocate to Seattle, Wash. Renamed the Seattle Totems, the team begins play at a renovated KeyArena starting in the 2020-2021 season.

2020 -- The Florida Panthers relocate to Houston, Tex. Changing their name to the Houston Apollos, the team will begin play at a remodeled Toyota Center at the start of the 2021-2022 season.

2021 -- The St. Louis Blues relocate to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. The new team, the Saskatchewan Scots, play at the 30,000 seat Douglas Arena, which has been vacant for three years prior to finally luring the ailing Blues north of the border.

2022 -- As part of a new, multi-billion dollar entertainment complex, the new home of the Los Angeles Kings, a 30,000 seat arena in Downtown L.A. called Ingram Arena opens just in time for the start of the 22-23 season. The new home of the Lakers and Clippers as well, the arena is situated just meters away from Farmer’s Field, the new home of the Los Angeles Rams and Los Angeles Raiders.

2023 -- The Buffalo Sabres declare bankruptcy. They are purchased by Rogers Communications, Inc., who make plans to relocate the team to Toronto. Following a year of anti-trust lawsuits with the Maple Leafs and Predators, the ownership group eventually agrees to move the team into a new arena in Kitchener. The Kitchener Blades officially take the ice at the beginning of the 2026-2027 season.

2024 -- The Anaheim Ducks are sold to Kaiser-Permanente -- now one of the nation’s ten wealthiest companies -- who then relocate the team to a new arena in Riverside, Calif. Rechristened as the Riverside Emperors, the team begins play in 2027.

2025 -- For the first time in half a century, the NHL expands, as two new teams -- The Atlanta Firebirds and the Oklahoma City Boomers -- join the league. With 32 teams in the league, the NHL realigns to 16 teams in each conference, with four divisions apiece.

2026 -- A huge scandal breaks out involving the Las Vegas Lightning ownership group, with the NHL forced to take possession of the team after the entire executive board is indicted on, and then found guilty of, extortion and racketeering. Portland, Ore and Austin, Tex begin massive campaigns to relocate the team to their respective cities, with the League officially awarding Austin the franchise two years later. The new team, the Austin Rattlers, begin play in 2030.

2027 -- The San Jose Sharks relocate to Santa Clara after being purchased by Google. Renamed the Silicon Valley Sharks, the team begins play at a new arena, just feet away from Levi’s Stadium, in 2030.

2028 -- The league announces it will expand to 34 teams. A year later, the cities of Richmond, Va. And San Francisco, Calif. are awarded NHL franchises. The San Francisco Condors and the Virginia Colonials make their respective on-ice debuts during the 2032-2033 season.

2029 -- The Montreal Canadiens defeat the Los Angeles King in six games, marking the first time a Canadian team has hoisted Lord Stanley since 1993.

2030 -- With abysmal ticket sales, the New Jersey Devils dye their home ice red as part of a publicity stunt. Due to poor player vision, a preseason game against the Detroit Red Wings is suspended in the second period.

2031 -- In an NHL first, the Blue Jackets become a dual city team, splitting half their home games at an arena in Columbus, Ohio and Cleveland, Ohio. The team changes its name to the Ohio Jackets.

2032 -- The Atlanta Firebirds announce they will relocate to Edmonton, Alberta. The newly rechristened Edmonton Shalers begin play in 2033. NHL Commissioner Sidney Crosby promises there will never, ever be a franchise in Georgia again.

2033 -- The New Jersey Devils relocate to Hartford, Conn. Originally called the New England Whalers, special interest groups force the team to select a different moniker, the Connecticut Noreasters.

2034 -- Victoria, British Colombia and Portland, Ore. are both granted NHL franchises. The British Colombia Crowns and the Portland Pioneers are scheduled to begin play in the 2035-2036 season.

2035 -- An intense labor dispute forces the cancellation of the entire NHL season. With arena funding yanked, the Pioneers ownership group votes unanimously to move the franchise to Trenton, NJ. Once again called the New Jersey Devils, the new team takes the ice in 2036.

2036 -- The National Hockey League announces a merger with the Kontinental Hockey League in Eurasia. The NHL and KHL agree to keep their leagues separate, with the Cup champions from each league facing off in an annual “Super Bowl” match-up.

2037 -- In the first “Global Championship Game,” the Riverside Emperors defeat Dynamo Moscow 3-1. The event -- held at a neutral site in Hamburg, Germany -- is the highest rated game in NHL history. Event broadcaster Fox attributes the game's success solely to the new and improved "colored" puck technology.

2038 -- The Vancouver Canucks and British Colombia Crowns merge into a single team after the Crowns are, essentially, sued into bankruptcy by the Los Angeles Kings for trademark infringement. The new team is simply called the Vancouver Canucks, despite playing several games a year in Victoria. The same year, Portland finally lands its own NHL franchise, with the Pioneers taking the ice for the first time in 2040.

2039 -- The long suffering Toronto Maple Leafs win their first Stanley Cup championship in approximately 70 years, besting the highly favored Detroit Red Wings in a thrilling seven game series. The team then goes on to lose to Minsk Dinamo in the annual “Global Championship Game,” 4-2.

2040 -- The NHL agrees to a five-year “transitional plan” that would see 12 KHL teams absorbed into the National Hockey League. The teams will consist of merged KHL squads, with each new team allowed one pick from a league-wide NHL talent draft. The league officially changes its name to the "International Hockey League" in preparation.

2041 -- Double tragedy strikes when Conn Smythe Kopitar award winner Douglas Aienhannder of the Seattle Totems plunges to his death while posing for a photograph. Hoisting the Stanley Cup overhead behind a volcano, both Aienhannder and the iconic trophy are destroyed by boiling magma when the gifted left winger accidentally tumbles over a guardrail. An all-new trophy, the Bettman Cup, becomes the League's new championship hardware.

2042 -- The first “Eurasian Division” teams, the Moscow Petros and the St. Petersburg Tsars, join the International Hockey League.

2043 -- The Minsk Eagles, Prague Valecniks and Moscow Troykas join the INHL.

2044 -- The Volgograd Tanks, the Kiev Missiles, Helsinki Jokers enter the league.

2045 -- The final four “Eurasian Division” teams begin play, with the Budapest Citadels, the Belgrade Tigers, the Warsaw Hammers and the Sofia Buglers entering the league.

2046 -- Considering the heavy Eurasian presence in the league, the INHL introduces a new conference championship trophy, the Putin Cup, at a dedication event in Kiev. Less than 300 Ukrainians are killed in sectarian violence during the formal ceremony.

2047 -- Climate change results in an unexpected global ice shortage, leading to a heavily shortened, 18 game regular season. A decisive game seven in a championship series between the Minnesota Wild and the St. Petersburg Tsars is cancelled when, mid-game, 13 players drown.

2048 -- With 48 teams in the league, the league is split into two conferences -- the Atlantic/Eurasian Conference and the Pacific/Central Conference, with four divisions and 24 teams apiece. The top four teams from each division (eight per conference) then duke it out in a 16-team tournament staggeringly similar to today's Stanley Cup Playoffs format.

2049 -- An exhibition game between the Sofia Buglers and the Silicon Valley Sharks is played in Antarctica. There were no survivors.

2050 -- The Montreal Canadiens defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs in what is largely hailed as the greatest Putin Cup Finals in League history. The low-scoring, defense-oriented series smashes ratings records in Ontario and Quebec. Meanwhile, the series is bested in the ratings in the U.S. by a re-airing of "Diff'rent Strokes."

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My LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play from Week 11's Raiders vs. Texans Game

12:30 PM EST -- Technically...technically...the Raiders aren't eliminated from playoff contention yet. That said, we all know the season is pretty much over and done with, and the only thing really on the line from here on out is pride...and by pride, I mean "doing better than 4-12, hopefully." 

12:32 PM EST -- The big story this week, of course, is that Terrelle Pryor is out with a knee injury, so our starter in Houston will be Matt McGloin. 

12:37 PM EST -- The Texans lead the all-time series 5-2. Obviously, Ed Reed got sent packing earlier in the week, and under-performing running back Arian Foster is on injured reserve for the evening. Of course, the Raiders' OWN under-performing running back is also out of action this evening, so maybe it's all a wash, then?

12:41 PM EST -- The Texans are 0-7 after starting out the season 2-0. So far, the highlight of their season has been their head coach having a seizure on the sideline. As a Raiders fan, consider me highly envious. 

12:44 PM EST -- Houston has more overall yards per game and more aggregate passing yards than Oakland, while the Raiders have a slight run game advantage. In terms of team defense, the Texans are also allowing less yardage per game overall as well  as in the air, while the Raiders are marginally better at stopping the ball on the ground. 

12:49 PM EST -- Case Keenum is the starting QB for the Texans, which effectively makes this afternoon's game sort of a reverse Tom Brady/Peyton Manning gun fight, essentially. 

1:03 PM EST -- Texans begin on offense. And the ball carrier is CRUSHED behind the line of scrimmage on first down.

1:05 PM EST -- Second and 13, and Tate nearly has enough for the first. AND THE TEXANS COUGH IT UP! Raiders takes over on offense at Houston's 20. 

1:07 PM EST -- That was Charles Woodson with the defensive scoop up, by the way. A third and short situation for Oakland approaches. 

1:08 PM EST -- And the Raiders have enough for a new set of downs. Ten yards until paydirt. 

1:09 PM EST -- False start call on the Raiders, so that'll push them back a couple of yards for a do-over on 1st. 

1:10 PM EST -- Not much going in the red zone. Third down coming up.

1:11 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS!

1:12 PM EST -- McGloin with a laser to Denarius Moore for a five yard TD reception. 7-0 Raiders early in the first quarter.

1:17 PM EST -- Texans begin their next drive from about their own 20. A third and short is coming up.

1:18 PM EST -- And the Texans come up short. The Texans punting unit takes the field. 

1:19 PM EST -- The Raiders will start at about their own 25. They've ran one pass play so far today...which lead to a touchdown. Not that I'm hinting, or anything...

1:20 PM EST -- Goddamn, the Bushes are in attendance for today's game! And I'm not talking about Reggie or Michael's kinfolk, either. 

1:22 PM EST -- Third and five (or six, or seven) coming up. Well, actually, a third and three. And the Raiders pick up the first. Mcgloin is 3-3 on passes so far this afternoon.

1:24 PM EST -- And Reece drops a pass at midfield that probably would've been a TD. This McGloin kid can throw, that's for damn sure.

1:25 PM EST -- Personal foul on the Raiders sets them back 15 yards. It's third and 17 now. And a shuttle pass behind the line of scrimmage that goes nowhere. Time for Oakland to punt.

1:27 PM EST --A holding call on the Texans will put them back a couple of yards on their next drive. 

1:30 PM EST -- AND THE RAIDERS INTERCEPT KEENUM! That's Houston's second turnover of the day. 

1:31 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS!

1:32 PM EST -- McGloin with a 16-yard bullet pass to Rod Streater, which is followed up by a rarely called taunting penalty on Oakland. Regardless, it remains 14-0 Raiders in Ron Paul's earmark-clogged backyard. 

1:36 PM EST -- Second and 7 for Houston. And an enormous pick up for the Texans follows suit, nearly putting them into field goal territory.

1:37 PM EST -- Second and 12. And no gain as the Raiders blitz.

1:38 PM EST -- AND KEENUM GETS SACKED! The Raiders defense is looking downright monstrous this afternoon. 

1:40 PM EST -- And a holding call on the Raiders sets them back several yards on their first play of the drive.

1:41 PM EST -- Raiders facing third down as the first quarter concludes. 

1:45 PM EST -- 4th and 1, and here come Marquette King. And a holding call on Houston will push them back a couple of yards. 

1:46 PM EST -- Keenum with damn near a 50 yard pass to Andre Johnson.

1:47 PM EST -- A missed tackle, and it's a third and one situation for the Texans. 

1:48 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN TEXANS.

1:49 PM EST -- Keenum to Graham for a 42 yard touchdown pass that really should've been a sack for a 20 yard loss. 14-7, with the Raiders up by a touchdown.

1:50 PM EST -- Yardage estimates thus far: Texans, 132, Raiders, 68.

1:51 PM EST -- And McGloin with a 33 yard pass to Holmes. The Raiders are now stationed at the midfield logo. 

1:54 PM EST -- Third and six. And Streater drops the pass. The Texans take the field at their own 15.

1:58 PM EST -- First and 15 for the Texans. Now it's a third and 5. 

1:59 PM EST -- And a false start on the Texans makes it a third and 10. 

2:00 PM EST -- The Texans can't reel it in, so it's time for Houston to punt.

2:04 PM EST -- A third and six situation for the Raiders. And nothing going on that, so the Raiders' punting unit hits the field. If you really, really like punts, you'd probably enjoy the hell out of this one. 

2:08 PM EST -- About six minutes left in the half. A third and two situation for Houston. And Keenum gets chased out of the pocket and bounces it. 

2:09 PM EST -- Texans have to punt. If I did a shot every time I saw Marquette King on the field, I'd be hospitalized with alcohol poisoning by now.

2:12 PM EST -- Third and one for the Raiders. And a false start flag on the Raiders. Glorious. 

2:13 PM EST -- So it's a third and six now. And Moore can't reel it in. 

2:14 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN TEXANS.

2:15 PM EST-- Keyshawn Martin with an 87 yard punt return for a TD. It's all knotted up, 14-14. 

2:16 PM EST -- Well, this is turning out like many a Raiders game. Even with an accurate passer in the pocket, you still can't count on shit with this offense.

2:18 PM EST -- And McGloin gets dropped for a loss. Second and 20 for the Raiders. And a third and...15...coming up.

2:20 PM EST -- And wheel out the punting unit ONE MORE TIME, folks!

2:21 PM EST -- About two and a half left in the second quarter, The Raiders are out of timeouts. 

2:22 PM EST -- Two minute warning, and the Texans are getting pretty close to Raiders territory. 

2:25 PM EST -- Raiders blitz, and the Texans have a 2 and 10 situation on their hands.

2:26 PM EST -- Third down on the horizon. And they pick it up.

2:27 PM EST -- Second and 10 with one minute and thirteen seconds on the clock. The Texans are stopped in bounds on a third and five Hail Mary that's almost picked off by a Raiders defender. 

2:28 PM EST -- A 51 yard FG attempt is GOOD. Texans take the lead, 17-14. 

2:30 PM EST -- 40 seconds left in the half. And the Raiders get possession at their own 20. 

2:32 PM EST -- Second and 13 for the Raiders. Thirty three seconds to go. And they don't even give a fuck. The clock runs out, and it's time for a very stern lecturing in the Raiders' locker room.

2:33 PM EST -- Well, the Raiders defense looked really, really good in the first quarter, and McGloin looked like a real-life NFL quarterback. Then, the second quarter happened, and the Raiders D decides to allow 17 unanswered points while the team's receiving crew decide to collectively forget how their own fingers work. 

2:36 PM EST -- Shit, I don't even know what to say about this one. Hold on to the ball, fellas? More blitzes? Make tackles instead of not making tackles? Really, you can just list ALL of the criticisms you can lob at a football team, and it would probably be appropriate for the Raiders' current predicament. 

2:37 PM EST -- Elsewhere in the league: the Bills are slaying the Jets by 20, the Eagles are pounding the Redskins into submission, the Steelers are cosplaying as bumblebees and a tornado just destroyed Soldier Field. 

2:41 PM EST -- Just so you know: a dude brought his eight year old kid into a SPORTS BAR. You'd think the part about it being a SPORTS BAR would, you know, make you not think about bringing a kid into something called a SPORTS BAR. 

2:43 PM EST -- Yardage count at halftime: 192 for Houston, 126 for Oakland.

2:46 PM EST -- Remember: November is yellow ribbon awareness month.

2:47 PM EST -- And the Raiders get possession first. And also, a holding penalty, because dabnabbit, they're still the Raiders. 

2:49 PM EST -- And Streater hauls in a pass for a first down. Jennings up the gut for about five yards on first down.

2:50 PM EST -- Third and one. And Jack. And Shit. 

2:51 PM EST -- King comes out to punt. And the Texans will be starting within their own twenty.

2:54 PM EST -- And Tate is dropped behind the line for a loss. Apparently, the Texans, statistically, are supposed to really start sucking in the third quarter. 

2:55 PM EST -- Third and four. And the Texans are going to have to punt. 

2:56 PM EST -- You know, Jacoby Ford is a much better punt returner than he is a wide out. Just saying. 

2:57 PM EST -- The Raiders with a massive pick-up, but a flag is on the field. AND AGAINST HOUSTON, FOR A CHANGE. 

3:00 PM EST -- Raiders now within field goal range...probably. Third and nine approaches. 

3:02 PM EST -- AND THE RAIDERS CONVERT! Oakland is now within the Texans' red zone.

3:03 PM EST -- Holding call on the Raiders, so now it's 1st and 20.

3:04 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS!

3:05 PM EST -- McGloin with his third TD pass of the day with a 26 yard bomb to Mychal Rivera. 21-17, Oakland. 

3:09 PM EST --Third and nine coming up for the Texans, with a revitalized Raiders' D really putting some pressure on Keenum.

3:10 PM EST -- A sack, a fumble, and a Raiders tackle behind the line. Houston's gotta' punt.

3:14 PM EST -- Offsides on Houston. And Rashad Jennings with a double digit run. 

3:15 PM EST -- Third and about a dozen following a busted play. And the Raiders are a few yards short of the first. Out comes Sea-bass. 

3:16 PM EST -- And the 54 yard attempt is no good. Well, I hope that doesn't come back to haunt them later...

3:18 PM EST -- Texans take over at their own 40. And a Keenum pass is dangerously close to being picked off. 

3:21 PM EST -- The Raiders blitz continues. Third and 10 coming up. Looks like the Texans will be a yard short of the pick up.

3:22 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS!

3:23 PM EST -- Rashad Jennings with an 80-yard touchdown run! 28-17 Oakland, with about two and a half minutes left in the third quarter.

3:26 PM EST -- Andre Johnson with a catch at midfield. Second and five coming up. And oh shit, Keenum just got benched. ENTER THE SCHAUB! 

3:27 PM EST -- The Texans go for it on 4th and 2 and get called for holding. That brings out the punting unit, obviously.

3:30 PM EST -- Yardage count? Raiders, 333, Texans, 232. 

3:32 PM EST -- Third and eight for the Raiders. And Oakland appears two yards short of the pick up, as the fourth quarter begins.

3:35 PM EST -- The Texans take the field around their own 30. Schaub is in the backfield, and his first toss is a sizable pick up around midfield.

3:37 PM EST -- And Houston is getting pretty close to the Oakland red zone. Third and six for Houston.

3:38 PM EST -- False start on the Texans. Let's make that a third and 11 instead, why don't we?

3:39 PM EST -- And a pass interference call on the Raiders gives the Texans a 1st and goal opportunity.

3:40 PM EST -- Third and goal after the ball is nearly picked off by a Raiders defender. This upcoming play is huge. 

3:42 PM EST -- And the Texans falter. Out comes Randy Bullock, who makes this one an eight point game. 28-20, Raiders.

3:47 PM EST -- Third and eight for the Raiders. And the Raiders are challenging an incomplete pass call -- if it's overturned, that puts Oakland deep into Texan territory.

3:53 PM EST -- But it's not overturned, and the Texans will take possession around their own 40.

3:55 PM EST -- Second and ten, with the Texans at midfield. 

3:56 PM EST -- Houston converts; they're slowly creeping their way into Raiders territory now.

3:57 PM EST -- Offsides on the Raiders. Texans well into the Raiders' red zone now.

3:58 PM EST -- And Tate is dropped for a loss. Nine minutes to go in the quarter, it's 2 and 13 for Houston. 

4:00 PM EST -- Third and nine. A HUGE play coming up here. And no dice. The Texans will have to go for a field goal instead.

4:01 PM EST -- 28-23 Raiders, with eight minutes left in the game. 

4:04 PM EST -- Raiders beginning at their own 20. Third and five coming up.

4:05 PM EST -- And the Raiders have to punt it away. Seven minutes left in regulation.

4:08 PM EST -- Third and 10 coming up for Houston. They're stuck deep in their own territory, and the Raiders D is blitzing like crazy.

4:09 PM EST -- Texans gotta' punt. Will the Raiders play it safe and try to run out the clock, or are they going to reach for their dagger here and put this one away for good?

4:12 PM EST -- Raiders with a third and one. About five minutes left in the quarter. 

4:14 PM EST -- AND THEY CONVERT! 

4:16 PM EST -- Third and 10 for the Raiders. Four minutes left. 

4:17 PM EST -- And McGloin slips in the pocket. F. M. L. 

4:18 PM EST -- Raiders punt. A roughing the kicker call on Houston, however, allows Oakland to re-kick.

4:19 PM EST -- Houston will start at about their own 35. 

4:21 PM EST -- Andre Johnson pulls it in. Texans nearing mid-field. 

4:22 PM EST -- And Houston's in the red zone. To hell with all of this. 

4:23 PM EST -- Two minute warning. Houston has at least three shots at the endzone. Where's the ghost of Al Davis when you need him?

4:26 PM EST -- Third and one. Well, never say Raiders games aren't exciting. And also tragic.

4:27 PM EST -- And Woodson has to leave the backfield. Even better. 

4:28 PM EST -- And the running back is dropped behind the line. One minute to go...this is the ball game, folks.

4:29 PM EST -- Woodson is back in. AND THE RAIDERS D MAKES THE STOP! But there's a holding call, so they get ANOTHER SHOT at fourth down!

4:30 PM EST -- ...but it don't matter, because Schaub can' t hit shit. Turnover on downs, and the Raiders are a WINNER deep in the heart of Texas!

4:31 PM EST -- Well, the Raiders improve to 4-6, which means we are officially AS good (if not better) than last year's dismal squad. And with McGloin actually able to hit a receiver every now and then, this surely means there won't be a quarterback controversy in Oakland. Nope, that would never, ever happen. Ever. 

4:33 PM EST -- And our final score in Houston? Raiders 28, Texans 23. 

4:34 PM EST -- I...love...football? With a passion?

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