2015-16 NFL Power Rankings (Week 4)

 

Your defense is offensive...

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@Jimbo__X

THE ELITES

01

Arizona Cardinals 

Season Point Differential: (+75)

Sure, the Cardinals may have dropped their first game of the season Sunday against the Rams, but offensively and defensively, few teams in the League look as complete as the Cards. Even in a losing effort, Carson Palmer still posted 352 yards, while Larry Fitzgerald and Chris Johnson combined for about 200 yards. Of course, the Great Ginger also got sacked four times, so maybe ... just maybe ... that offensive line (in tandem with an injury prone QB) could be the team's damning Achilles's Heel?

02

New England Patriots

Season Point Differential: (+49)

The Patriots had a bye this week ... not that they really needed one, as the team, anchored by Tom Brady's three game, 1,000 yards-plus total and the absolute inability for anything or anyone in this world to adequately cover Gronk hasn't really shown any signs of frailty so far this season.This weekend, they get a chance to extend their unbeaten streak to four games. And since that game is against the Cowboys -- SPOILER -- they'll probably get it, too. 

03

Cincinnati Bengals

Season Point Differential: (+44)

Although Andy Dalton only tossed one touchdown in the Bengals win over K.C. last Sunday, he nonetheless managed to rack up an impressive 321 yards for the day. The rushing attack absolutely carved up the Chiefs, with Cincy scoring four touchdowns on the ground -- complete with Jeremy Hill pounding the rock into the endzone no less than three times.

04

Atlanta Falcons

Season Point Differential: (+44)

After some exciting come from behind victories in their first three games of the season, the Falcons decided to shake things up a bit and absolutely smash the visiting Texans at home to the tune of 48-21. Amidst all the hoopla about Devonta Freeman's three touchdowns, it's easy to overlook the contributions of fellow halfback Terron Ward, who actually chewed up more yardage on the day. And if that run game isn't spooky enough, just remember: Tevin Coleman hasn't even been added to the official roster yet!

05

Green Bay Packers

Season Point Differential: (+42)

With just 224 yards and a solo touchdown pass, Sunday night's 17-3 victory over San Fran can rightly be considered an "off night" for Aaron Rodgers. Alas, the running back committee did more than enough to keep the clock ticking, while the Packers D looked absolutely stellar, blitzing Colin K no less than 41 times and sacking him six. 

06

New York Jets

Season Point Differential: (+40)

The Jets are the best defensive unit in the NFL, somehow, and they rebounded nicely from last week's loss to the Eagles by pounding divisional foes Miami 27-14 in jolly old England. That said, the offense didn't look too shabby, either; Ryan Fitzpatrick had 1:1 touchdown-to-INT ratio and about 218 yards, while unsung halfback hero mowed the turf for a solo touchdown and 160-plus yards on 29 carries.

07

Carolina Panthers

Season Point Differential: (+37)

Defensively and offensively, this team is a beast. Cam Newton threw two touchdowns and had 124 yards, while picking up another 51 yards on the ground. Then, there's the Panthers' D, which racked up FOUR interceptions, including a pick six for Josh Norman, who incidentally, had two INTs on the evening. 

08

Denver Broncos

Season Point Differential: (+28)

The Broncos, despite their 4-0 record, are very much a beatable team, as proven by Sunday afternoon's close call against the Vikings. In that one, Peyton had an atypically low 213 yards, and even more atypical, threw more interceptions than touchdowns. Alas, the Denver D -- which made Terry Bridgewater eat dirt seven times during the game -- is certainly doing their part to make up for the relatively lackluster offense. 

THE PLAYOFF HOPEFULS

09

Pittsburgh Steelers

Season Point Differential: (+21)

With Michael Vick only throwing for 124 yards, it's probably not surprising that the Steelers couldn't get past the Ravens last Thursday night. What is surprising, however, is that Vick couldn't get the ball rolling despite having arguably the League's best halfback AND wide receiver on the same line. If Pittsburgh fan aren't anxiously checking their calendars awaiting Big Ben's return, they most likely will be following another Vick-led "L.." 

10

New York Giants

Season Point Differential: (+20)

After looking, playing and (presumably, smelling) like crap the first two games of the season, the Giants have looked remarkably improved in their last two outings, especially Sunday's 24-10 win over in-state rivals Buffalo. Eli Manning, after what seems like a good three years of sucking, finally dethawed over the weekend, tossing three TDs for 212 yards. And the Giants D managed to hold Buffalo to just 55 yards of rushing offense all afternoon. 

11

Buffalo Bills

Season Point Differential: (+18)

While T-Mobile outthrew Eli Manning, he couldn't rack up as many TDs, either. That's the funny thing about stats-driven football; at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how many damn yards you accumulate, if none of them manage to sneak past your opponent's one. The lone bright spot for the Buffalo faithful last Sunday? Receiver Charles Clay, who had 111 yards on just nine receptions.

12

Seattle Seahawks

Season Point Differential: (+16)

The winner of two in a row, the Seahawks were gift-bagged their Monday night 13-10 win over the Lions. Still ... phantom stripped ball or not ... Russell Wilson did have a pretty good showing, number-wise, racking up 287 yards for the night and going an impressive 20/26 on pass attempts. 

13

Tennessee Titans

Season Point Differential: (+12)

Very few teams are as hard to figure out as these Titans. While Marcus Mariota is looking like a future Pro Bowler already, the rest of the team, especially on the defensive side of the ball, tends to struggle. We'll see if we get the high-scoring Titans or the uncertain, shaky ones when they take on the Buffalo Bills in a quasi-sorta-rematch of the Music City Miracle this Sunday. 

14

Minnesota Vikings

Season Point Differential: (+7)

If you can overlook Terry Bridgewater getting mowed down seven times by the Broncos last weekend, the Vikes actually looked pretty good up against Peyton and the Broncos. For one thing, Terry had just as many TD passes as Manning, but racked up more yardage; that said, A.P. certainly did not look like the A.P. of yore, accumulating just 81 yards for the day and a single shot TD. 

15

Washington Redskins

Season Point Differential: (-1)

Don't look now, but the Skins have won two in a row and look relatively consistent compared to the walking chaos theories down in Dallas and in Philly. Speaking of the City of Brotherly Hate, the Redskins managed to eke out a 23-20 victory over their much loathed Pennsylvania rivals, thanks in no small part to an aggressive defense that sacked Sam Bradford five times. 

16

Dallas Cowboys

Season Point Differential: (-6)

All in all, Brandon Weeden's stats against the Saints weren't bad (246 yards and a TD), but the depleted receiving corps just didn't have enough gas in them to cross the endzone enough times to lead them to a victory.The lethargic run game also deserves some blame, as Joseph Randle and Darren McFadden combined for a lackluster 57 yards and just uno touchdown.

THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK

17

Philadelphia Eagles

Season Point Differential: (-8)

Even though Sam Bradford had three touchdowns and 270 yards, it wasn't enough to propel the Eagles over the Redskins last Sunday.Blame the loss on both sloppy offensive play (two lost fumbles) and a weak-kneed defense that not once sent a defender chasing Kirk Cousins down in the backfield.

18

Oakland Raiders

Season Point Differential:(-11)

After posting back-to-back 300 yard games, QB Derek Carr barely hit 150 in the Raiders' demoralizing 22-20 loss to the Bears. Latavius Murray and Amari Cooper both saw precipitous drops in production, while the defense continues to show problems -- especially when it comes to tight end coverage.

19

Baltimore Ravens

Season Point Differential: (-11)

The uncharacteristically defense-deficient Ravens had plenty of problems against Pittsburgh last Thursday night, but they nonetheless were able to weather the storm and best their divisional foes 23-20. Praise be given to Kamar Aiken and Justin Forsett, who combined, mowed the turf for 227 yards. 

20

San Diego Chargers

Season Point Differential: (-14)

The Chargers barely got past the Browns, but hey, a "W" is still a "W," ain't it? Philip Rivers had a field day, tossing the ball 358 yards for three TDs, while San Diego's' top three receivers (Keenan Allen, Dontrelle Inman and Danny Woodhead) combined for nearly 250 yards. 

21

St. Louis Rams

Season Point Differential: (-15)

How do you stop an offensive juggernaut like the Cardinals? Simple -- you outrun them. Former UGA stud/professional autograph signer Todd Gurley looked impressive as hell in his pro debut, racking up 146 yards on 19 carries as St. Louis rolled by Arizona 24-22. Throw in Nick Foles' three TD passes (including two to Tavon Austin) and all of a sudden, this potentially explosive offense is starting to show a lot of promise. 

22

Cleveland Browns

Season Point Differential: (-17)

Two weeks in a row, the Browns snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. The truly tragic thing about their narrow 30-27 loss to the Chargers is that they actually had better rushing numbers and nearly identical passing numbers to San Diego.Alas, Josh McCown also got sacked four times and lost a fumble, so ... 

23

New Orleans Saints

Season Point Differential: (-18)

Drew Brees and the Saints narrowly avoided going 0-4 with a thin 26-20 win over the Cowboys.That said, you have to give it up for Senor Brees, who looked all shades of 2009 with his 359 yards and two touchdown passes. The question is, does this star-deprived team have the offensive and defensive wherewithal to survival a division with both the Falcons and the Panthers in it? Folks, you don't need to consult a Magic Eight Ball to answer that one...

24

Indianapolis Colts

Season Point Differential: (-21)

By proxy of a Titans off-week, the Colts ascended to the top of the AFC South dungheap with an overtime victory over Jacksonville. With Andy Luck sidelined, the Colts turned to 40-year-old MATT HASSELBACK to lead them to victory over the Jaguars juggernaut and, all things considered, he didn't look all that bad. Of course, that's not to completely ignore all of the other offensive and defensive shortcomings besieging the team. Goodness, can you believe people actually had these sods name checked as presumptive AFC champs at the beginning of the season? What a bunch of knuckleheads, no? 

ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE DRAFT

25

Kansas City Chiefs

Season Point Differential: (-25)

The Chiefs ... predicted by those eggheads at Harvard as a virtual lock for the playoffs ... are 1-3. Their latest disappointment came in the form of a 36-21 loss to the Bengals, in which Alex Smith racked up nearly 400 yards but couldn't find the endzone once throughout the afternoon. The sole positive to come out of this one if you are a K.C. fan? Well, at least you know Cairo Santos is a pretty good kicker, I guess...

26

Detroit Lions

Season Point Differential: (-30)

The only team remaining in the NFL sans a win, the Lions got shafted on a controversial last second call against the Seahawks Monday night. While the offense couldn't get going against Seattle, at least the Lions D looked pretty solid; after all, they did send Russell Wilson staring at the stars six times, on more than 50 blitzes. 

27

Houston Texans

Season Point Differential: (-31)

No team epitomizes the importance of the aerial attack in today's League more than Houston. Despite having one of the most dynamic defensive units in the NFL -- complete with arguably the best defensive player in pro football -- this team cannot get their collective shit together offensively. Don't let Brian Hoyer's inflated fourth quarter stats fool you; when Ryan Mallet was up against the Falcons' A-listers, he could barely muster 150 passing yards, with cero down-o touch-oes. 

28

Miami Dolphins

Season Point Differential: (-36)

Remember that Harvard analysis I was talking about earlier, that picked the Chiefs to earn the top slot in the AFC? Well, those same Ivy League elitists picked the Dolphins to win the AFC East ... the same team that just fired their head coach after getting waylaid in London by the Jets. And to think: as bad as the Dolphins are right now, they are STILL the best pro football team based out of Florida at the moment.

29

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Season Point Differential: (-45)

The funny thing about the Bucs' loss to the Panthers Sunday is that they actually outproduced Carolina in both the run game and the passing game. The problem? The team just couldn't turn those yards into too many endzone excursions. And oh yeah ... it also probably had something to do with Jameis Winston tossing four interceptions, too. 

30

Jacksonville Jaguars

Season Point Differential: (-45)

The Jacksonville misery train kept a chuggin' over the weekend, as the Jags experienced a heartbreaker O.T. loss to Indy. This, despite having more passing yards and nearly over twice as many rushing yards as the Colts. AND a better turnover ratio. AND sacking the quarterback more times. Shit, how did Jacksonville wind up losing that one, come to think of it? 

31

Chicago Bears

Season Point Differential: (-57)

Thanks to some last minute special teams heroics, the Bears earned their first "W" of the 2015 season against the Raiders on Sunday. While Jay Cutler and Matt Forte both looked solid, this is a team that still has plenty of gaps to fill on defense ... if guys like Seth Roberts and Roy Helu can put the kind of numbers they did against the Bears, I can only dare fathom what A.P. and James Jones are going to do to them. 

32

San Francisco 49ers

Season Point Differential: (-62)

Three years ago, Colin K. was playing in a Super Bowl. Now, he's commandeering a low-scoring revere offensive juggernaut (uh, mini-naut, perhaps?) that's getting clobbered every week. In an abysmal showing against the Packers, The Niners could only accumulate 160 yards, while they ran the rock for less than 80 ... all while allowing GB to chew up the field for about 400 yards. 

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2015-16 NFL Power Rankings (Week Two)

When the last becomes first, and the first becomes last...

By: Jimbo X

JimboXAmerican@gmail.com

@Jimbo__X

THE ELITES

#01

Arizona Cardinals 

(Season Point Differential: +37)

For half a decade, Matt Stafford and Megatron have been the NFL's most explosive QB-WR tandem. Two games into the season,  however, it looks like the hottest power couple of 2015 is actually Carson Palmer and Larry Fitzgerald, who combined for 112 yards and three touchdowns in Sunday's 48-23 rout of the Bears. Much like last year's squad, the Cards are off to a hot start; the question now is, can Palmer and company stay healthy long enough to actually do something in the playoffs?

#02

New York Jets 

(Season Point Differential: +34)

The real surprise with the Jets isn't how good Ryan Fitzpatrick has looked under center (although he has indeed look quite stellar.) Instead, it's just how dominant the defense -- led by Darrelle Revis and Antonio Cromartie -- has been, allowing just 17 points so far in the season. The secondary, in particular, has been outstanding: in Monday night's 20-7 thrashing of Andrew Luck in the Colts, the Jets had no less than three INTs, with two additional defensive turnovers to boot. 

#03

Cincinnati Bengals

(Season Point Differential: +25)

Andy Dalton looked terrific in the Bengals 24-19 win over the Chargers, tossing three touchdowns and racking up 215 yards by air. With the double wideout threat of A.J. Green, Tyler Eifert and Marvin Jones -- not to a mention a pretty damn solid run game, led by Jeremy Hill and Giovani Bernard -- this is a team that's certainly going to make life miserable for defensive units inside the AFC Central and out. 

#04

Green Bay Packers

(Season Point Differential: +18)

Aaron Rodgers got sweet revenge against Russell Wilson on Sunday night, as the Pack hammered the defending NFC Champs by a 10-point-margin-of victory at Lambeau. Even with their best receiver out for the season, Green Bay has nonetheless been able to move the chains, thanks in no small part to a tremendous run game anchored by Eddie Lacy and James Starks. And with Randall Cobb and Davante Adams putting up such big numbers, Jordy Nelson hardly feels like that big of a loss all of a sudden. 

#05

Carolina Panthers

(Season Point Differential: +18)

Cam Newton had three touchdowns in Sunday's 24-17 win over the Texans, including a rushing TD that also doubles as a pro wrestling finishing move. While a receiving corps that consists of virtual no-names like Ted Ginn, Jr. and Corey Brown hardly sounds sexy, there's no denying the consistency of the Panthers' aerial attack. Coupled with a solid run game and one of the league's best defenses, Carolina is easily one of the most well-rounded teams in the entire league. 

#06

Pittsburgh Steelers

(Season Point Differential: +18)

With 720 yards in two games, Big Ben is second only to Tom Brady in passing. Having arguably the best wideout in the game in Antonio Brown, the Steelers are no doubt going to be one of the most dangerous offenses in the League. That said, I wouldn't sleep on their run game, either, as indicative of Sunday's 48-14 stompin' of the Niners when halfback DeAngelo Williams chewed up the field for three touchdowns. 

#07

New England Patriots

(Season Point Differential: +15)

Well, what's left to be said about the Pats? They have the current league leader in passing yards (who amassed a spectacular 466 yards and three TDs in Sunday's 40-32 win over the Bills) and a tight end that's probably going to have more touchdown receptions at the end of the season than any actual wide receiver in the NFL. And just when you think this team can't get any better? It looks like the Patriots have found their star halfback in Dion Lewis, who now has 109 yards (plus a touchdown) on 22 carries for the season.

#08

Tennessee Titans

(Season Point Differential: +14)

Marcus Mariota played like a future Hall of Famer in Tennessee's week one mauling of Tampa Bay. Alas, in week two, the Oregon standout looked less than Canton-worthy, as the Titans got drubbed 28-14 by Johnny Football's Browns. Still, this is a young team with a lot of upswing; keep an eye on WR Anthony Fasano, who had 84 yards and a touchdown on just five receptions, as well as halfback Dexter McCluster, who averaged nearly ten yards a carry in Sunday's loss.

THE PLAYOFF HOPEFULS

#09

Denver Broncos

(Season Point Differential: +13)

Peyton Manning looked way better in the Broncos get-the-hell-out-of-here comeback win over the Chiefs last Thursday night. He racked up 256 yards and dialed in three touchdowns, with standout receiver Emmanuel Sanders hauling in two of them. Questions still linger regarding the defense, but with a still-solid passing game (anchored by surefire Pro Bowler Demaryius Thomas), this is a team that remains an offensive threat, through and through.

#010

Dallas Cowboys

(Season Point Differential: +11)

As stated by virtually every sports media on the planet, the Cowboys have to be the saddest 2-0 football team in NFL history. In a Pyrrhic 20-10 victory over divisional foes Philadelphia, Dallas QB Tony Romo went down with a sternum injury. Expected to miss as many as eight weeks, the Cowboys (already snake bit from losing Dez Bryant earlier in the season) will now rest their future firmly on the shoulders of journeyman Matt Cassell.  

#011

Washington Redskins

(Season Point Differential: +7)

Washington and St. Louis flip-flopped roles for week two; after the Redskins got drubbed on opening weekend, the poured the points on the Rams, who looked pretty crappy after upsetting the Seahawks a week earlier. Give most of the credit not to Kirk Cousins, but halfback Matt Jones; the up-and-comer had two touchdowns on 19 carries, racking up an impressive 123 yards on the day. 

#012

Atlanta Falcons

(Season Point Differential: +6)

The Falcons aren't winning by a whole lot, but they're still finding ways to win games. Following a nail-biter victory over Philadelphia in week one, Matt Ryan (a touchdown and 363 passing yards) and the boys had an impressive come-from-behind win over Eli Manning and the Giants at the Meadowlands on Sunday. While standout wideout Julio Jones deserves a ton of credit, it was really Atlanta's run game that won it for them; Tevin Coleman and Devonta Freeman may not have had a lot of yards, but they managed to punch it into the endzone when it counted, regardless. 

#013

Buffalo Bills

(Season Point Differential: +5)

Regardless of the 40-32 final score, the Bills' loss against the Pats on Sunday was never really that close of a game. Turnovers absolutely killed Buffalo, as Tyrod Taylor chucked three INTs and bobbled two snaps. That, and the secondary -- which was supposed to be vastly improved under profanity master and suspected foot fetishist Rex Ryan -- completely fell asleep on the job, allowing New England to rack up more than 500 yards of offense on the day. 

#014

Miami Dolphins

(Season Point Differential: +4)

Despite chucking the ball for two touchdowns and 359 yards, Ryan Tannehill was still the losing QB in Sunday's showdown with in-state rivals Jacksonville. While it's tempting to blame the uspet loss on a disappointing defense (super-expensive free agent Donkey Kong Suh had just a tackle on the day), the real culprit was the Fins' pathetic run game; against one of the weakest front sevens in the entire League, Miami could muster no better than a pathetic 42 yards. 

#015

Kansas City Chiefs

(Season Point Differential: 0)

The Chiefs pretty much handed the Broncos a W last week, with a costly fumble in the dying moments of the fourth allowing their much hated divisional rivals a chance to steal victory from the jaws of defeat. While Jamal Charles looked solid (125 yards and a TD), Alex Smith played very poorly, tossing two INTs, no touchdowns and getting sacked five times throughout the course of the evening. 

#016

San Diego Chargers

(Season Point Differential: 0)

San Diego followed up week one's impressive come-from-behind victory over Detroit with a fairly lackluster showing against Cincy this past weekend.While Philip Rivers had decent numbers (241 yards with two TDs), he also chucked an interception and bobbled two snaps, one of which resulted in a turnover. Needless to say, San Diego is going to have to work on its miscues, especially in an AFC West that looks like it's going to be far more competitive than initially assumed. 

THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK

#017

New York Giants 

(Season Point Differential: -5)

Two weeks in a row, the Giants have given up big leads and lost games late in the fourth. Statistically, the offense -- capped by Eli Manning's two TDs and 292 yards and Odell Beckham, Jr.'s 146 yards-and-a-TD on just seven receptions -- looked solid, but the defense needs a lot of retooling. With a sagging Eagles, a no-Romo Dallas and a Washington squad that's still a mess at quarterback, the Giants still have ample opportunities to claim the division. Time will tell, however, if they're actually able to right the ship before January rolls around.

#018

Minnesota Vikings

(Season Point Differential: -7)

After getting clobbered by the Niners in week one, the Vikes looked greatly improved against the Lions, besting their divisional foes 26-16. Going 14-18 and tossing a TD, Terry Bridgewater looked OK, but the real offensive MVP had to have been A.P., who -- despite never hitting the endzone -- still managed to rack up 134 yards on the day. 

#019

Cleveland Browns

(Season Point Differential: -7)

Johnny Manziel had the best professional performance of his life this weekend, as he tossed two touchdowns and finished Sunday's 28-14 win over the Titans with a stellar 75.5 QB rating. His favorite target Travis Benjamin is pretty much a lock for the Pro Bowl already; over the weekend, he had two touchdowns and 115 yards on just three receptions. 

#020

San Francisco 49ers

(Season Point Differential: -8)

Even in a 43-18 loss to the Steelers, SF QB Colin Kaepernick didn't look that bad. America's favorite Miami Dolphins-loving turtle enthusiast threw for 335 yards and racked up two touchdowns, in addition to sprinting for another 51 on nine scrambles. Of course, that's not to exclude the 49ers' actual running back Carlos Hyde, who currently leads the entire NFL with 211 rushing yards.

#021

Jacksonville Jaguars

(Season Point Differential: -8)

The Jaguars faithful don't get to celebrate victories that much anymore, and this Sunday's rare win -- over downstate rivals Miami -- had to have been especially satisfying. Powered by Blake Bortles two touchdowns, the Jags accumulated about 400 yards against the Dolphins, while their defense was able to hold the Fins to less than 50 yards rushing. They're still getting torched on the passing game, but if you're a Jacksonville fan, you really can't help but feel just wee bit excited about the team's ever so teensy improvement on both sides of the ball. 

#022

Baltimore Ravens

(Season Point Differential: -10)

With Joe Flacco tossing the rock for 384 yards and two touchdowns, the Ravens really don't have a logical excuse for losing Sunday's game to the Raiders. As strange as it may sound to say it, the Ravens' key weakness appears to be its defense, especially in the backfield: having let the Raiders accumulate 350 yards by air, its crystal clear the secondary needs a stern talking to before week three's kickoff. 

#023

St. Louis Rams

(Season Point Differential: -11)

After upsetting Seattle in overtime in week one, Nick Foles and the new-look Rams turned in a lackluster performance against the Washington Redskins in week two. The offense barely posted 200 yards, while letting the firepower-less Skins run all over them for nearly 400. While Tavon Austin had a few good touches, the rest of the offense looked pretty anemic; Foles' 150 yards passing on the day was one of the lowest sums for any QB over the weekend. 

#024

Philadelphia Eagles

(Season Point Differential: -12)

Where to begin on this one? Despite posting winning seasons since arriving in Philly, Chip Kelly's new-look Eagles are winless and playing poorly offensively and defensively. In Sunday's 20-10 loss to the Cowboys, Sam Bradford threw two interceptions and finished the game with a terrible 5.3 quarterback rating. Compared to highly-touted acquisition DeMarco Murray, however, Bradford looks like a world class pick-up; the former Cowboys standout had just two yards on 13 carries. 

ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE DRAFT

#025

Seattle Seahawks

(Season Point Differential: -13)

While the week one loss to the Rams could be written off as a fluke, Seattle just played poorly on Sunday night's marquee match-up against Green Bay. Marshawn Lynch hardly resembled the Beast Mode we all know, putting up a paltry 41 yards on the ground, while just about every receiver not named Doug Baldwin turned in very disappointing performances. Needless to say, this is most certainly not the outcome of Russell Wilson's huge new contract the Seahawks desired. 

#026

Houston Texans

(Season Point Differential: -14)

Despite having two touchdowns (including a rushing TD) in Sunday's loss to the Panthers, it's clear that Ryan Mallett isn't going to take Houston to the playoffs, or even a .500 record. While J.J. Watt is unquestionably the best defensive player in the AFC (and maybe even the entire NFL), the rest of the squad just isn't rising to the occasion ... and the less said about the disastrous run game, which only mustered 61 yards over the weekend, the better. 

#027

Detroit Lions

(Season Point Differential: -15)

The Lions had an epic meltdown in week one against the Chargers, and in week two they just flat out looked effortless against the Vikings. Sure, Calvin Johnson and Golden Tate combined for about 160 yards on the day, but the run game was appalling: in the 26-16 loss, Detroit posted a stunningly terrible 38 yards on 16 touches. 

#028

Oakland Raiders

(Season Point Differential: -16)

Derek Carr had the best game of his professional career on Sunday, leading the Raiders to a come-from-behind victory at home against Baltimore. Michael Crabtree and Amari Cooper both had 100 plus yards a piece, as Carr chucked the ball for three touchdowns and 351 yards. There's no denying the offense, especially the passing game, is looking worlds better. The problem is, the defense -- which gave up 33 points and nearly 500 total yards -- isn't. 

#029

New Orleans Saints

(Season Point Differential: -19)

With Drew Brees going down with an injury, the already crappy-looking Saints are looking even more like the Aints of yesteryear. The team produced no less than five fumbles in a demoralizing 26-19 loss to Tampa Bay on Sunday; with talent like C.J. Spiller, Mark Ingram and Marques Colston on the team, New Orleans really has no excuse for playing as poorly has they have been as of late. 

#030

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

(Season Point Differential: -21)

What a difference a week makes, huh? Just seven days after looking like the second coming of JaMarcus Russell in a humiliating loss to Tennessee, QB Jameis Winston actually played pretty well in the Bucs win over New Orleans. Of course, one has to wonder how the still impotent offense and virtually non-existent defense will fare against stiffer competition in the NFC South -- sorry, Tampa Bay fans, but I wouldn't get too optimistic about the remainder of the season. 

#031

Indianapolis Colts

(Season Point Differential: -26)

Earlier this year, I had the Colts pegged as my presumptive AFC Champions. Two games into the season, however, the highly touted team is winless, having been mercilessly pummeled in back-to-back losses to the Bills and Jets. Andrew Luck, in particular, has looked astonishingly bad: in Monday night's loss, his INT to TD ration was 3-to-1, while he finished the game with an almost unfathomably abysmal quarterback rating of 20.0.

#032

Chicago Bears

(Season Point Differential: -33)

Despite having one of the best backs in the League, the team struggled to convert Matt Forte's yardage into touchdowns in Sunday's loss to the Cardinals (this, after he was one of the top rushers in week one.) With Jay Cutler out for at least two weeks, the Bears absolutely HAVE to get their run game in order, or else we're looking at a team that's easily on pace for an 0-4 start ... and perhaps an even longer winless streak even after "Smokin' Jay" makes his return. 

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My LIVE(ish) Recap of Week 14's Raiders vs. Jets Game

12:36 PM EST -- Are you ready for some (totally inconsequential) FOOTBALL? Well, good, because today's match-up means precisely the following; Jack, and shit.

12:37 PM EST -- The Fox crew is doing a tribute to Nelson Mandela, a man who did absolutely nothing but positive things throughout his lifetime for the whole of humanity. He shall be sorely missed, especially in his home country, where living standards have improved dramatically since his presidency. 

12:41 PM EST -- Since the local sports bar is a Falcons and Vikings joint, perhaps its not surprising that the place is virtually empty. If anything, that doubly proves my loyalty to the Raiders -- if I'm willing to spend an afternoon watching a lackluster 4-8 squad do battle with a team whose points for/points against differential is 31st in the League, you KNOW I'm among the die hard. And also, possibly the retarded.

12:47 PM EST -- Just so you know; the Raiders have lost FIVE games this season in which they were leading at halftime. That's because Al Davis did something to piss off God, and royally.

12:48 PM EST -- Matt McGloin will be our starter for the Raiders, while Geno Smith will command the Jets, who despite their 5-7 record, are still in playoff contention, somehow.

12:55 PM EST -- And because life isn't trying enough; DMC, Rashad Jennings and Jeremy Stewart are ALL deactivated this afternoon. That means our go-to-guy in the backfield will be Marcel Reese, while Taiwan Jones (yes, Taiwan Jones, the CORNERBACK) will be the number two HB. 

1:03 PM EST -- Jets with the ball first. And New York is having no problems at all getting the ground game established early on.

1:04 PM EST -- Santanio Holmes with a huge pickup, and the Jets are already within field goal range.

1:07 PM EST -- Third and five situation. The Raiders' D puts pressure on Geno, and an endzone strike falls short. The field goal unit comes out, and it's 3-0 Jets early in the first.

1:11 PM EST -- And the Raiders will start their first offensive putsch from about their own 20. And Reece with a solid run up the gut on first down.

1:12 PM EST -- A surgical strike from McGloin to Reece gives Oakland a pick up of around twenty. Maybe even thirty, at first glance.

1:13 PM EST -- Well...McGloin ain't no Terrell Pryor when it comes to scrambling, that's for damned sure. A third and long coming up.

1:14 PM EST -- And nothing going on that drive. Here comes the Raiders' punting unit. The Jets will start their next possession at their own 20. 

1:17 PM EST -- The Raiders aren't doing a very good job of stopping the rushing or the passing game at this point. The Swiss cheese D-line rears its head again, I suppose...

1:18 PM EST -- And Woodson ALMOST has the INT. Jeez, when a dude that close to retirement is your shining beacon on defense, you KNOW you're a franchise in trouble.

1:19 PM EST -- So, of course, as soon as I type that, Kevin Burnett gets an ACTUAL interception. Well, of course he would.

1:21 PM EST -- Third down approaches. And nothing. Out comes Sea-bass. And of course, he schtoinks it. 3-0 Jets it doth remain.

1:24 PM EST -- Kellen Winslow with a crazy catch for a huge pickup. The Jets are once again well withing FG range.

1:25 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN JETS.

1:26 PM EST -- Jeremy Kerely with a 25 yard reception, which gives Geno his first passing TD since week 7. 10-0, New York.

1:28 PM EST -- Raiders starting at about their own 20. 

1:30 PM EST -- Just so you know: Fat Amy from "Pitch Perfect" has officially replaced Adele as my numero uno celebrity crush. Come on, you know you would, too.

1:33 PM EST -- AND IN COMES PRYOR!

1:34 PM EST --  Third and five. Well, the pass is good for a first down, but there is a flag on the play. The Raiders turn down the Jets offsides call, and it's a first and ten for Oakland.

1:35 PM EST -- Hilarious/brutally honest error time: the closed captioning text just referred to the Raiders' QB as "Terrible Pryor." 

1:39 PM EST -- Another penalty on the Jets, and the Raiders get a first and five opportunity. And Reece with more than enough for the pick-up.

1:41 PM EST -- And Reece with another solid run, almost picking up another set of downs on the play. And a one-yard follow-up gives the Raiders a first down in the Jets' red zone.

1:43 PM EST -- And Pryor gets dropped in the backfield for a major loss on second down. Looks like some ungodly pass interference on what would have been a TD pass. But of course, that means its an illegal formation call on Oakland. Of course it would be.

1:44 PM EST -- Sea-bass out, and it's 10-3 Jets. 

1:48 PM EST -- Second and 14 for the Jets. It's going to be short by about five or six yards.

1:49 PM EST -- And the Jets convert. Smith has to scramble on first down, but he doesn't get very far.

1:50 PM EST -- Third and seven. And Winslow with enough for the new set of downs.

1:51 PM EST -- A busted play will put the Jets back five yards. A real break for the Raiders there. AND GENO GETS SACKED!

1:52 PM EST -- Third and 24 for New York. A decent pick-up, but definitely not enough for the first down. And on the sidelines, McGloin is warming up his throwing arm...

1:55 PM EST -- And the Raiders will be starting this drive at what appears to be their own first centimeter.

1:57 PM EST -- Third and eight. AND MCGLOIN IS PICKED OFF BY ED REED! 

1:58 PM EST -- This may very well be the worst performance I've seen the Raiders turn in all season. And trust me -- that is saying something.

1:59 PM EST -- Well, at least Oakland is at least TRYING to put some pressure on Geno, I suppose.

2:00 PM EST -- And a miracle no-catch means the Jets will have to settle for a field goal. 13-3, Jets.

2:03 PM EST -- Less than five minutes left in the first half. McGloin will be our QB for the next possession.

2:07 PM EST -- Holding call on the Raiders. That makes it second and 17. Which brings us to a third and 17...

2:08 PM EST -- And nothing on fourth down. And a blocked punt gives the Jets another six points. Hooray for porous special team units!

2:10 PM EST -- 20-3, Jets. Burn this franchise to the ground, and make it snappy.

2:11 PM EST -- And a miscue on kickoff almost leads the Raiders to giving up ANOTHER TD. 

2:14 PM EST -- Third and eight. And nothin'. 

2:15 PM EST -- Being a Raiders fan is the football equivalent of raising a special needs child. So much work, so much extra involvement, and so little expectations at the end of the day. This, my friends, is what true fatherly love looks like.

2:17 PM EST -- Two minutes left in the half. The Jets have a two touchdown lead, plus a field goal for good measure. 

2:19 PM EST -- And the Jets are just going to ride this one out until halftime. 

2:20 PM EST -- As far as a short list of things the Raiders have done right today: nothing. 

2:21 PM EST -- Halftime yardage estimates? Jets, 173, Raiders, 138. 

2:23 PM EST -- So, uh, whose behind Matt McGloin on the depth chart now? 

2:36 PM EST -- And so I tune out of the game for five minutes, and Marcel Reece goes beast mode for a 63-yard touchdown run. As expected. 20-10, Jets.

2:38 PM EST -- ...why exactly would you build an open air stadium in New Jersey, anyway? Just wondering. 

2:40 PM EST -- And Winslow with another impressive reception. The Jets get a new set of downs, and at least four more shots at extending their lead over Oakland.

2:44 PM EST -- Second and four for New York. And the Raiders D blitzes.Third down approaches.

2:45 PM EST -- And Geno scrambles for a new set of downs. But there's a flag on the play -- an unnecessary roughness call on Lamar Houston gives the Jets and extra 15 yards. 

2:48 PM EST -- Second and goal for the Jets. And Geno rushes for another TD. 

2:49 PM EST -- 27-10, Jets. This is the sound of a professional sports team dying. 

2:52 PM EST -- Nine minutes left in the third quarter. Awesome...another 24 minutes to watch all my dreams die before my very eyes. 

2:53 PM EST -- At this point, do you think the Raiders should Lay Downey for Clowney, or Get Slaughtered for Bridgewater? 

2:54 PM EST -- It's amazing to think...just 14 weeks ago, I actually believed in that thing some call "hope." I was a fool, folks. A goddamned fool for ever believing. 

2:57 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS!

2:58 PM EST -- McGloin catches the Jets defense sleeping, and zonks a 48-yard touchdown pass to Rod Streater. 27-17, Jets. 

2:59 PM EST -- Believe it or not...believe it or friggin' not...the Raiders are STILL in playoff contention. Of course, if they drop this game, they're eliminated by default; with that in mind, how tragic do you think they can make this one, folks?

3:03 PM EST -- Powell with more than enough for a new set of downs for the Jets. But he doesn't go anywhere on first down. 

3:05 PM EST -- AND GENO GETS DROPPED FOR A LOSS! Third down coming up. And Oakland takes a time out because, a good goddamn, does Dennis Allen know how to manage the clock.

3:07 PM EST -- And Powell blazes through the Raiders' D. The sad thing is, this really is a vastly improved rush defense, too.

3:09 PM EST -- Third and nine for the Jets. And the Jets, miraculously, can't reel it in. New York is forced to attempt a field goal. And it's good. 

3:10 PM EST -- 30-17, Jets. 

3:13 PM EST -- Reece with a ten yard pick-up. But he gets dropped for a loss on first down.

3:14 PM EST -- Third and eight for Oakland. And a pass to Andre Homes is good for a first down. 

3:17 PM EST -- And McGloin does his best Pryor impersonation and, inconceivably, scrambles for nearly 20 yards. 

3:19 PM EST -- Third and five. No dice on a lob to the endzone. And a Sea-bass field goal makes this one a 10 point game. 30-20 Jets, with about 13 minutes left in the game. 

3:22 PM EST -- And the Jets start their next drive around their own 25.

3:24 PM EST -- Powell with no gain. Looks like New York will be facing a third and four situation. 

3:26 PM EST -- And the Jets convert. They face another third down. 

3:27 PM EST -- And Geno breaks one out, all the way to the Raiders' 15 yard line. F. M. L. 

3:28 PM EST -- Offsides on the Raiders, but you probably already knew that. 

3:29 PM EST -- TOUCHDOWN JETS.

3:30 PM EST -- 37-20, Jets. Nine minutes left in the game, no minutes of any real relevance left in the Raiders season. 

3:34 PM EST -- So, yeah, I'd consider 2013 to be a pretty shitty year. Quite shitty, to say the least.

3:35 PM EST -- Streater with a nice catch, but really...there's nothing to be optimistic about here. You'd think after ten years, I would've learned my lesson by now...

3:37 PM EST -- Watching this game is like watching the man who killed your father marry your long lost lover. In fact, that's what being an Oakland Raiders fan is like, in general. 

3:39 PM EST -- Pass interference call on the Jets gives the Raiders a couple of extra yards on a failed fourth down conversion. 

3:40 PM EST -- Well, if the Raiders can manage to lose this game by just single digits, I suppose that's some sort of consolation, I guess.

3:45 PM EST -- A fourth and goal situation for Oakland. And they convert. Yay.

3:47 PM EST -- And another fourth and goal coming up for the Raiders. And Rivera gets a TD on a fake hand off. 37-27, Jets. 

3:49 PM EST -- Do you think if they move the Raiders to London, they'll start playing better? 

3:50 PM EST -- And Oakland shits the bed on an onside kick.  But at least the Jets get hit with a false start penalty, I guess.

3:52 PM EST -- So this one guy came into the bar around halftime, wearing a Jets shirt. At first, I thought he looked like Joe Nameth. Then, he started talking about drunk driving, and shit, now I'm starting to wonder if that really is Broadway Joe in front of me.

3:55 PM EST -- Less than a minutes left in the game. Raiders down by ten. Raiders fans, down by life, no doubt. 

3:57 PM EST -- And McGloin, ever one to home in on a symbolic finale, gets sacked to conclude this one, the Raiders' season, and quite possible the part of my life that ever believed in joy. 

4:00 PM EST -- The final score in East Ruherford? Jets, 37, Raiders, 27.

4:01 PM EST -- I hate football...with a passion. 

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