Showing posts with label List. Show all posts
Showing posts with label List. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

2016 NCAA Top 25 Football Rankings (Week 7!)

Tell the Associated Press to take a hike ... these are the only college pigskin rankings you ought to pay any attention to.



By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@Jimbo__X

This Week's Episode:
"Does overtime equal overrated?"

The A.P.? The USA Today's Coaches Poll? Whatever jibber-jabber is being puked out over at ESPN and Bleacher Report? Puh-leeze, we all know those alleged "Top 25" countdowns are pathetic jokes penned by homers, Power Five loyalists and Notre Dame nuthuggers. That's why I decided to release my own weekly rundown of the best FBS college football squads in the States, completely devoid of all the usual fanboyism and corporate malarkey that makes lists of the like elsewhere so unbelievably annoying.

Throughout the regular season, a new installment will go up every Wednesday morning, so you may want to bookmark this sucker for future reference ... and to show to all of your fellow NCAA football lovin' chums, so they can know that - at least somewhere out in the tangled, endlessly frustrating World Wide Web - there's someone on the Internet with some goddamn horse sense when it comes to ranking college 'ball teams.

01
Alabama (7-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Texas A&M (Oct. 22)

 The Crimson Tide put a hurtin' on the Tennessee Vols, pummeling the presumptive SEC East champs 49-10. Jalen Hurts didn't really impress throwing the ball (he went 16 for 26 for 143 yards and one INT), but he certainly earned his paycheck ... I mean, tuition ... by scrambling for 132 yards and three rushing touchdowns. 
02
Ohio State (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Penn State (Oct. 22)

It may have took overtime, but the Buckeyes weathered the storm and surmounted the Badgers 30-23 in their home stadium. J.T. Barrett had another stellar showing in the win over Wisconsin - he wrapped up the affair with 226 aerial yards and a TD and 92 yards and another two end zone trips on the ground. 
03
Clemson (7-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Florida State (Oct. 29)

Deshaun Watson certainly bolstered his Heisman chances last weekend, leading the Tigers to a thrilling 24-17 overtime win over a tenacious N.C. State squad that gave the defending A.C.C. champs everything they could muster and then some. At the final horn, Deshaun recorded 378 passing yards and two touchdowns (including the game-winning 10-yard zip to Artavis Scott) plus another 35 yards (and an additional score) with his feet. Clemson's unsung hero in the contest? Receiver Mike Williams, who registered 146 yards and a TD on 12 receptions. 
04
Michigan (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Illinois (Oct. 22)

The Wolverines sat out week seven action, with a return engagement against the Fighting Illlini slated for this Saturday. When it comes to total offense, Michigan is ranked 48 in the nation, averaging 470 yards per game. Defensively, they are the best team in the country, allowing opposing teams to record an average of 213 yards per game thus far in the season.
05
Washington (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Oregon State (Oct. 22)

 The Huskies took a breather last weekend, with a PAC-12 showdown against the underperforming Beavers this Saturday. With an aggregated 481 yards per game, Washington's offense ranks 40th in the country; allowing only 218 yards per contest, their defense is ranked no. 13 nationally. 
06
Texas A&M (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Alabama (Oct. 22) 

 The Aggies were yet another top 10, undefeated squad taking last weekend off. Ahead of their absolutely massive throwdown with Alabama this Saturday, the team is ranked 17th in the country with 533 yards of offense per game. Allowing 438 yards per contest, their defense ranks 78th overall. 
07
Baylor  (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Texas (Oct. 29)

 The Golden Bears more or less gave Kansas a golden shower in the form of a hellacious 49-7 beatdown over the weekend. While QB Seth Russell only managed to land nine out of 22 pass attempts, at least two of them landed in the arms of receivers in enemy end zone, and he also managed to Fred Flintstone another two scores with his feet. And hey, that on-the-field defense is almost as good as the legal defense that helped the school cover up its off-season rape allegations!
08
Nebraska (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Purdue (Oct. 22)


The Hoosiers made it close, but the Cornhuskers remain undefeated following last Saturday's 27-22 win against Indiana. Going 10 for 26 on pass attempts for 208 yards, one TD and two interceptions isn't exactly the best outing for QB Tommy Armstrong, Jr., but the Huskers' rushing attack was there to bail him out - specifically, back Terrell Newby, who recorded 102 yards and one TD waltz on 22 carries. 
09
West Virginia (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. TCU (Oct. 22)

 The Mountaineers might just be the most surprising undefeated team in college football. West Virginia continued their winning ways Saturday with an impressive 48-17 win over Texas Tech, in which the Mountaineers run game outyarded the Red Raiders 332 to 34. Still, the team has some mighty big aerial defense deficiencies to deal with - after all, T.T. did manage to lob the rock for 340 yards, didn't they?
10
Boise State (6-0)
Next Opponent: vs. BYU (Oct. 20)

 If you missed last Saturday's Colorado State/Boise State hootenanny, you missed one of the craziest goddamn games of the entire season. At the 10 minute mark of the fourth quarter, the Broncos had a comfortable - if not seemingly insurmountable - 28-3 lead. Well, the Rams came rambling back, scoring three touchdowns over the course of one minute and 25 seconds. Alas, Boise State's defense managed to upend the late putsch - try as they may, the blue-turfers still managed to best their opponents by a final score of 28-23.
11
Western Michigan (7-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Eastern Michigan (Oct. 22)

 Raise your hands if you had the Western Michigan Broncos emerging as this year's non-Power Five surprise party crasher? The super-obscure school continued their winning ways Saturday, blanking Akron 41-0. Keep an eye on running back Jarvion Franklin - the stellar rusher accumulated 281 yards and a score on 33 carries in last weekend's blowout.
12
Louisville (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. N.C. State (Oct. 22)

That 21-14 win over Duke was way closer than it probably ever should've been. Factor in Lamar Jackson's uninspiring showing - and yes, 181 yards passing and just one TD IS uninspiring, even if he did run for another 144 yards - and one has to wonder: has this high-powered offense finally run out of steam?
13
Florida (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Georgia (Oct. 29)

 Even with QB Luke Del Rio lobbing three interceptions, Florida was never really in trouble in their commanding 40-14 win over Missouri. A lot of that has to do with the Gators' stellar defense, which recorded two pick sixes in the second quarter, and the talented footwork of special teams expert Antonio Callaway, who recorded a 44-yard kick return for a score late in the fourth quarter. 
14
Utah (6-1)
Next Opponent: vs. UCLA (Oct. 22)

 It wasn't pretty, but the Utes nonetheless managed to outlast Oregon State in a low-scoring 19-14 affair. When I say Utah's run game saved the day, I fucking mean it: while back Joe Williams ran like crazy for 179 yards on 34 carries, quarterback Troy Williams finished the outing with an abysmal four for 13, no touchdown 42-passing-yard grand total. 
15
San Diego State (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. San Jose State (Oct. 21)

 It was all rushing attack in the Aztecs' 17-3 win over Fresno State. While quarterback Christian Chapman didn't do much at all (he finished the game seven for 12 for only 72 yards and no scores), running back Donnel Pumphrey absolutely turned the field into mulch, registering two touchdowns and 220 rushing yards on 38 carries. 
16
Navy (4-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Memphis (Oct. 22)

Thanks to Hurricane Matthew, the Midshipmen never got to play East Carolina over the weekend. Heading into their big ACC showdown with Memphis this Saturday, Navy currently holds the nation's 123rd ranked offense (averaging 392 yards per game) and the country's 17th best defense (which is allowing an average of 399 yards per contest.) 
17
Houston (6-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Southern Methodist (Oct. 22)

 Just one week after getting upset by Navy, the Cougars almost found themselves upset again against Tulsa. Still, Houston managed to hold on to the 38-31 victory, thanks in no small part to the tremendous footwork of back Dillon Birden, who finished the contest with 82 yards on 14 carries - and oh yeah, three rushing touchdowns. 
18
Memphis (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Navy (Oct. 22)

 Admittedly, there's not much to talk about regarding Memphis' 24-14 victory over Tulane. I mean, QB Riley Ferguson did have impressive stats (236 yards on 21 completions), but seeing as how only one of those completions resulted in a score, it's a bit difficult to toot his proverbial horn too much. The Tigers' defense did look very solid though, holding the Green Wave to just 169 rushing yards and only 144 passing. 
19
South Florida (6-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Temple (Oct. 21)

 Don't look now, but that other, other, OTHER school in Florida ain't doing too shabby right now. The Bulls - whose only loss so far this year has come against FSU - easily dispatched UConn 42-27 over the weekend, in a game that saw QB Quinton Flowers go two-for-two on touchdowns to interceptions thrown for 213 yards ... plus another three touchdowns and 157 yards running the ball his damn self. 
20
Troy (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. South Alabama (Oct. 20)

 The Trojans beat Georgia State last weekend, but they sure as hell didn't do it by stopping the pass. In Troy's 31-21 victory, they let their opponent collect 381 aerial yards and three touchdowns; thankfully, quarterback Brandon Silvers managed to hit end zone twice late in the fourth quarter to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.
21
Toledo (5-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Central Michigan (Oct. 22)

 The Rockets took down Bowling Green last Saturday, 42-35. You might want to keep an eye on their quarterback, Logan Woodside - and no, it's not just because he has the most porn-tastic name in all of college football. In Toledo's latest victory, he lobbed the pigskin 322 yards on 23 completions - with four of those passes resulting in aerial scores. 
22
Florida State (5-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Clemson (Oct. 29)

 It's going to take a LOT of help, but you can't totally eliminate the Seminoles from playoffs contention just yet. FSU demonstrated their worthiness over the weekend in their 17-6 victory over the much-better-than-you-probably-think Wake Forest Demon Deacons, with receiver Travis Rudolph posting an incredible 238 yards on 13 catches. Then there's the defense, which held Wake Forest to just 184 receiving yards and only 68 rushing. 
23
North Carolina (5-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Virginia (Oct. 22)

 Tar Heels QB Mitch Trubisky had a hell of a game in North Carolina's 20-13 win over Miami. He finished the game with 299 yards and two passing touchdowns on 33 completions, but he wasn't the only player in powder blue posting stellar figures: the peculiarly named Bug Howard led all receivers on the day, collecting 156 yards on 10 catches. 
24
Wisconsin (4-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Iowa (Oct. 22)

 The Badgers gave it everything they had, but they still ended up with the short end of the stick in Saturday's 30-23 overtime loss to the Buckeyes. Still, quarterback Alex Hornibrook (16 for 28 on passing attempts, with 214 yards, one TD and one INT) played pretty well and running back Corey Clement (164 rushing yards on 25 carries) played even better.
25
Arkansas (5-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Auburn (Oct. 22)

 The Razorbacks just barely outlasted a tough Ole Miss squad 34-30 last Saturday. With 253 yards on 16 completions, Chad Kelly did a lot to raise his stock as an NFL prospect, but what was really surprising about the game? Just how much he got done with his legs - at the final horn, he had recorded 89 yards - and two touchdowns - on 14 rushing attempts.

Monday, July 25, 2016

The Top 50 TurboGrafx-16/PC Engine Games EVER! (Part One: Number 50 to 41)

Part one of a special five-part series counting down the best NEC's 16-bit system had to offer ... on both sides of the Pacific, no less!


By: Jimbo X
@Jimbo__X
When people think about video gaming in the late 1980s and early 1990s, visions of the Nintendo Entertainment System and Sega Genesis seem to pop up almost instinctively. However, amid all of that late 8-bit and early 16-bit awesomeness, there was a third home console challenger, which despite never getting as much publicity or reverence as the Big Two, nonetheless managed to grace us with some of the greatest and most inventive 2D shoot em ups, action platformers and multiplayer puzzlers in the history of the interactive medium. 

While NEC's TurboGrafx-16 ran a distant third in the North American console race, its Japanese counterpart the PC Engine had legs well into the mid 1990s. Indeed, the pioneering 16-bit system (which actually used an 8-bit CPU, but no need to muddle with the technicalities) actually outdid Nintendo and Sega in many respects, creating a cult classic piece of hardware that even now, can lay claim to owning one of the best and most versatile software libraries of any console ever. 

As we've done with the Dreamcast, Sega CD, Neo Geo and Game Gear, we here at The Internet Is In America now pay tribute to the iconic NEC system with a special five-part series counting down the absolute best games to ever grace the TG-16 or PC Engine. And exhaustive doesn't begin to cover how in-depth we went for this undertaking - it took a full year, but eventually, we managed to get our hands on every single game to ever legally make its way to either system, thus allowing us to review and rank every title objectively across the entire field of PC Engine and TurboGrafx offerings. 

Before we hop into the countdown, let's go over a few ground rules, why don't we?

First, only games released on the proprietary Hu-Card format are eligible for the list. So that means, as awesome as they were, no PC Engine offerings only available in CD-ROM, Arcade CD-ROM or Super CD-ROM formats are included in the rankings.

Secondly, only officially licensed games released during the system's first hardware run (that's from 1987 to 1995, in case you were wondering) are considered. So no homebrews, ROM hacks, pirated ports or unlicensed mass-produced games got any consideration.

And lastly? Opinions are like assholes, and your asshole is probably different from mine. Don't like the final outcome? Then take it upon yourself to play every fuckin' game on the console like I did and craft a better countdown. I'm waiting, amigo. I'm waiting. 

And without further adieu, how about we get this show on the road? 

Number 50:
Rabio Lepus Special
(1990 - Video System)


With the PC Engine/TG-16, the line between fundamentally absurd and totally awesome frequently blurred. Few games on the console demonstrate that bizarre intersectionality between legitmately great genre games and the profoundly ridiculous as well as Video System's 1990 SHMUP Rabio Lepus Special, which has you commandeering some sort of outer space rabbit mech across a galaxy of all the tried-and-true horizontally scrolling menaces. While it's easy to take a look at the game's aesthetics and immediately write it off as a farce, Rabio Lepus Special is indeed a legit, hardcore SHMUP, complete with some of the most back-breakingly difficult level design in ANY 2D shooter. Factor in the title's great animations, catchy music and constantly challenging gameplay and you have yourself all the makings of a criminally underappreciated little gem. 

Number 49:
Toy Shop Boys
(1990 - Victor Musical Industries)


And here's another game you can add to the system's lonnng list of cutesy-looking shooters that will actually beat the shit out of you mercilessly if you don't take it seriously. Despite the kid-baiting premise (oh no, some evil motherfucker has stolen all the toys in town!), rest assured this game is pure-D, hot and heavy SHMUP action from start to finish, with enemy fire assailing you from every direction and each level capped off with a showdown with some sort of monstrous boss that's equally parts ludicrous and terrifying (ESPECIALLY that little cymbal-crashing monkey ... fuck him, a million times over.) If the inventive set pieces and beautiful animations weren't enough, Toy Shop Boys even throw in a really unique game play hook in that you can take control of one of three characters, each with his own special attack, on the fly, in turn giving the game a bit more strategic feel than the screenshots would suggest. And let me tell you, kids ... you don't know what fun is until you've taken a huge ass light saber to a giant RC car. You just plain haven't. 

Number 48:
Power Eleven
(1991 - Hudson Soft)


This is easily the best sports game on the PC Engine. While there are plenty of decent baseball and footy simulators for the console, Power Eleven is the only that really delivers the goods across the board. The graphics and animations are very good, the audio is great, the controls are tight and responsive and it's pretty much the only soccer game on the platform that actually allows for fun and nuanced defensive play. While the lack of any official FIFA license is a bit of a letdown, the game nonetheless packs on the features, including a great World Cup-like tournament mode and some rock solid multiplayer. It may not provide the most technical footy experience on the system, but it definitely delivers the most enjoyable one.  

Number 46 (tie):
Final Lap Twin
(1989 - Namco)
and
F-1 Pilot: You're King of Kings
(1989 - Pack-In Video)



You really can't talk about the PC Engine without getting into its robust line-up of racing games. While the console never really had that Super Monaco GP-like killer app, there were certainly a lot of good to almost great offerings on NEC's platform. Going hands-on with the entire library of PC Engine/TG-16 genre titles, I really couldn't decide whether I enjoyed Namco's Final Lap Twin or Pack-In Video's F-1 Pilot: You're King of Kings more. Neither game can really be considered the most technical racing sims on the system, but they definitely make up for the lack of realism with instant pick-up-and-play fun. Final Lap Twin effectively plays out like a souped up version of Pole Position - compete with the physically impossible hair-pin turns - whereas F-1 Pilot offers a more down and dirty, shunts-centric arcade racing experience. The career modes and tuning options are lacking, but as far as good old-fashioned, virtual fuel-chugging and rubber-melting fun? These two will satisfy your need for speed just dandy.

Number 45:
Salamander
(1991 - Konami)


Hey, you vividly recall playing Lifeforce on the NES, right? WRONG! What you played was bullshit compared to this MUCH better (and MUCH harder) port of the classic Konami SHMUP. Sure, this iteration isn't able to translate that awesome, super-hectic "play-by-play" from the arcade original, but in terms of graphics and sheer gameplay, it matches up with the source material quite admirably (and certainly way better than the halfhearted translation we got on the Nintendo.) We've all got our favorite - and least favorite - aspects of the game; personally, I've always been partial to the first level, which was probably the first video game to ever allow you to blast your way through cancerous polyps and shoot laser ring death at the stomach lining of a living planet. And as for my least favorite? You know, that damned "fire" level always bothered me quite a bit - probably because no matter how many times I play it, I ALWAYS forget about those little flaming dragon heads that cascade from the top of the screen. Oh, I hate those things. I hate them so much. 

Number 44: 
Override 
(1991 - Data East)


Eagle eye gamers will recognize this under-the-radar gem as a port of Last Battalion on the X68000. While the PC Engine definitely wasn't hurting for quality shoot 'em ups, Override manages to stand in a super-competitive field by offering one of the fastest genre games on the system. While there is hardly anything revolutionary about the game mechanics in Override (indeed, it plays out a lot like Gunnac, right down to its power-up system), this Data East release nonetheless offers a slick, smooth and polished shoot-em-up experience with excellent controls, beautiful visuals and ultra-satisfying, high-tempo, blast-or-be-blasted gameplay. It doesn't reinvent the wheel, so to speak, but why complain about a lack of innovation when the overall product nails the fundamentals so well?

Number 43:
Barunba
(1990 - Namco)


In case you haven't figured it out yet, there were a TON of great SHMUP games on the PC Engine. Not only can you safely add Namco's Barunba to that expansive list of top-notch horizontal and vertical scrolling shooters, the unique shoot 'em up also represents one of the more innovative genre offerings to be found on the console. The big variable here is the inclusion of a rotating, 360 degree shooting mechanic, which is easily controlled via the "II" button. It feels a little clumsy at first, but after a couple of playthroughs, the gameplay quirk quickly becomes second nature, transforming what was an already competent shooter into a surprisingly nuanced, strategic affair. Factor in the excellently designed levels, the vibrant visuals and some very fun and challenging boss fights and you have yourself a downright dandy - and addictive - little blast-a-thon. 

Number 42:
Mr. Heli No Daibouken
(1989 - Irem)


And here is yet another cartoony SHMUP that packs way more depth than it would appear at first glance. Brought to us by the fine folks at Irem, Mr. Heli is a really interesting shoot 'em up that almost plays more like a Mario-esque platformer than R-Type. You see, Mr. Heli is a game that is ALL about collecting gems and mechanical upgrades, which is facilitated by blasting granite blocks all over the environs. Rather ingeniously, the gameplay system allows you to blast barriers above you with a rocket attack and for the obstacles beneath you? You can actually "ground" your little heli-mech and drop a couple of bombs on the blast-able surfaces, Metroid style. It's a nice gimmick to be sure, but what puts Mr. Heli over the top is that it just doesn't rely upon that semi-platformer hook to carry the game; indeed, this is a great pure SHMUP experience as well, complete with beautiful graphics, wonderfully designed stages and, yes, plenty of challenging boss encounters. 

Number 41:
Coryoon
(1991 - Naxat Soft)


And one more stellar cute 'em up, because hot damn, were there ever a lot of them on the console. What makes Coryoon a superior shoot 'em up is two-fold; first, the graphics are absolutely incredible, with some of the best animations to be found on any game on the system. Secondly, the action here is just insane, with huge sprites bombarding you with nearly unavoidable enemy fire left, right, up, down and diagonally. While I'm not really a big fan of the more claustrophobic, limited-range-of-movement shooters a'la Air Zonk, this game manages to escape the pitfalls of that type of gameplay by throwing in tons of power-ups and a never ending shower of watermelons, apples and pineapples (not that it really serves any mechanical purpose, though - they just increase your score and do nothing to bring back your health.) Oh, and for those of you that immediately write-off the game because of the cartoony visuals? Rest assured, this game is H-A-R-D with a capital, bold-faced "H," complete with some of the toughest boss battles you'll find in ANY SHMUP on the console.


And that's that for part one of this month-long celebration of all things PC Engine! Be sure to check back in a few days, when we continue our epic, sprawling countdown of the best games to ever be molded in the shape of a Hu-Card. Before we call it quits, though, how about we take a quick diversion from the official countdown to explore some of the other pieces of software to make their ways to the TG-16 and PC-Engine? Hold on to your TurboPads, folks, it's time to take a look at FIVE RANDOM MAHJONG GAMES ON THE PC ENGINE!

Sengoku Mahjong!


This one is kinda' like that old kids' board game Guess Who? Well, actually, it's nothing at all like that except for the part at the beginning where you get to pick an avatar and two computer-controlled opponents. My favorite is probably the Arab-looking guy, but the pirate dude is a close-second. And hey! How come there are no African-American or Hispanic people to choose from? Don't the Japanese know your supposed to include a diverse portfolio of differing ethno-and-racial identities in everything that they do? Man, this game - and by proxy, the entirety of Japanese culture - is all shades of prejudiced.

Mahjong Haou Den - Kaisers Quest!


The screenshot above would lead one to think that Kaisers Quest is some sort of Dragon Warrior-like RPG, or perhaps even an early turn-based strategy offering a'la Shining Force. As it turns out, however, all that overworld stuff is just a needless coat of paint atop a really, really mundane virtual mahjong simulator. But hey, at least the cut scenes are kinda' neat, I guess.

Mahjong Gokuu Special!


Despite having the name "Gokuu" in it, no, this title has nothing at all to do with the venerated Dragon Ball license. And unfortunately, despite being programmed and designed by Sunsoft (the some folks responsible for Blaster Master, among other 8-bit classics) this game really doesn't offer you anything other than yet another indistinguishable mahjong sim like the 4,500 other games of the like on the system. Jeez, couldn't someone have mulled making a reversi game or something instead?jg 

Mahjong Gakuen Mild - Touma Soushirou Toujou!


So what is mahjong, exactly? Per, the Wikipedia, it's some old-ass Chinese analogue to Rummy with rules so convoluted, you pretty much have to go to mahjong school for eight years to understand how to play it. Since I'm not an expert on Japanese culture, I really can't explain why the pastime is so popular in the Land of the Rising Sun - or, why there are SO many video game versions of it on the PC Engine. My uneducated guess? Nobody ever exported games that are actually fun, like Don't Wake Daddy and Kerplunk, to them during the Reagan-era trade wars and everybody in the country is just pretending to like the damn game so it looks like they have something awesome of their own we Westerners are too feeble-minded to comprehend. 

Kyuukyoku Mahjong II!


And lastly, we come to Kyuukyoku Mahjong II, which I am pretty sure is the only semi-hentai mahjong title released on the console. Basically, it's the exact same as every other mahjong game on the PC Engine, but with an all-female cast that may or may not get nekkid at the end of every round. That, in and of itself, is pretty dadgum freaky, but the female avatars represented in the game look - well, not exactly realistic, as in they more closely resemble Keane paintings than graphical depictions of flesh and blood human beings. Still, if you just have to have yourself some video mahjong, you might as well couple it with perverted digital nudity - in fact, considering how uniform all of these damn games are, one has to wonder why more games didn't include that very hook to distinguish themselves from the madding Hu-Card crowds.

Monday, December 7, 2015

2015-16 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings (Week 14)


We're going bowling!

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@Jimbo__X

The Associated Press? The USA Today's Coaches Poll? Whatever jibber-jabber is being puked out over at ESPN and Bleacher Report? Puh-leeze, we all know those alleged "Top 25" countdowns are pathetic jokes penned by homers, Power Five loyalists and Notre Dame nuthuggers. That's why I decided to release my own weekly rundown of the best FBS college football squads in the States, completely devoid of all the usual fanboyism and corporate malarkey that makes lists of the like elsewhere so unbelievably annoying. 


Throughout the regular season, a new installment will go up every Wednesday morning, so you may want to bookmark this sucker for future reference ... and to show to all of your fellow NCAA football lovin' chums, so they can know that -- at least somewhere out in the tangled, endlessly frustrating World Wide Web -- there's someone on the Internet with some goddamn horse sense when it comes to ranking college 'ball teams. 

01
Clemson (13-0)
Next Opponent: vs. Oklahoma (Dec. 31)

It was a close one, but the Tigers walked out of the regular season with Division I's only unblemished record and the ACC Championship following their 45-37 win over North Carolina. Deshaun Watson - who finished the championship game with three aerial touchdowns for 289 yards and two rushing touchdowns and 131 ground yards overall - will certainly face tougher defensive restraints when his Clemson squad matches up against Bob Stoops' venerable Sooners on New Year's Eve. 

02
Alabama (12-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Michigan State (Dec. 31)

It wasn't the most dramatic of SEC finales, but the Crimson Tide definitely proved their worth in Saturday's 29-15 win oeuvre Florida. Jake Coker and Derrick Henry - who tag-teamed for about two hundred yards throwing and two hundred yards runnin' in their win over the Gators - next turn their attention towards Michigan State for what should be an interesting little skirmish on 12/31.

03
Oklahoma (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Clemson (Dec. 31)

With no pesky championship games to fret about, the Sooners had the easiest path of any team in the NCAA (football) Final Four. Baker Mayfield has played tremendously all season, but there is no denying the dynamic Clemson Tigers' defense will prove quite the challenge ... or mayhap, it will be the other way around on New Year's Eve?

04
Michigan State (12-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Alabama (Dec. 31)

The Spartans took a low-scoring championship win over Iowa over the weekend, winning the Big 10 crown 16-13. Alas, with the Hawkeyes' relatively weak defense giving them so many problems, will Connor Cook and LJ Scott collapse under the enormous pressure of the Crimson Tide defense? We will find out when 12/31 rolls ... pun, most definitely intended ... around. 

05
Ohio State (11-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Notre Dame (Jan. 1)

The first team out of the final four gets an opportunity to show the playoff committee they erred on New Year's Day, as the Buckeyes go toe-to-toe with a two-loss Fighting Irish squad in Tempe. Expect Ezekiel Elliot to rack up a lot of yards ... you gotta' do something to increase that draft stock, you now. 

06
Iowa (12-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Stanford (Jan. 1)

Following a narrow 16-13 loss to the Spartans, Iowa travels to SoCal for  a match-up against the (singular) Cardinal on New Year's Day. Now this one is really interesting; can Iowa's stingy defense work their magic on Christian McCaffrey, or will running the ball be a bed of, ahem, roses, for Stanford's Heisman-caliber rusher? 

07
Houston (12-1)
Next Opponent: vs. Florida State (Dec. 31)

The Cougars didn't really need a passing attack to top the Temple Owls, 24-13, for the AAC Championship. Despite posting no aerial scores and just 106 passing yards, Houston outran Temple by a considerable margin - 233 yards to 98, to be precise. Needless to say, things are going to be interesting when Houston's potent offense encounters a Seminoles squad last scene holding the SEC East Champ Gators to only two points. 

08
North Carolina (11-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Baylor (Dec. 29)

Give the Tar Heels some credit, they made Clemson sweat buckets before ceding the ACC Championship Game to them over the weekend. In the 45-37 loss, Marquise Williams still looked solid, lobbing three touchdown passes for 224 yards and rushing another 81 for a ground TD. Expect plenty of deep throws when NC takes on Baylor later this December, in what should be a high-scoring, offensive showcase. 

09
Stanford (11-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Iowa (Jan. 1)

In a 41-22 drubbing, the Cardinal steamrolled USC  to take home the Pac-12 Championship. Heisman contender Christian McCaffrey finished the game with 207 yards on 32 carries, with his longest run covering half the surface area of the field. Needless to say, the Hawkeyes will have to put a lot of elbow grease into stopping him in the Rose Bowl. 

10
Florida State (11-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Houston (Dec. 31)

If it wasn't for a fluky last second loss to Georgia Tech, there is a strong possibility the Seminoles could have wound up in the hunt for a playoff berth. Alas, that upset loss - in tandem with a lackluster performance against eventual ACC Champs Clemson - has relegated FSU to a New Year's Eve contest against AAC Champs Houston. Sure, FSU ought to have no trouble handling Division I's top non-power five team not named Notre Dame, but crazier things have happened, y'know...

11
Notre Dame (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Ohio State (Jan. 1)

The Irish have themselves a Fiesta on the first day of 2016, as Notre Dame travels to Arizona for a tough battle against Urban Meyer and the Buckeyes. It certainly presents an interesting quarterback dual - DeShone Kizer vs. J.T. Barrett ought to be a whole hell of a lot of fun to watch. 

12
TCU (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Oregon (Jan. 2)

A late season injury to Trevone Boykin really sunk the Horned Frogs' playoffs aspirations, but they get an opportunity to set a nice tempo for their 2016 campaign with a Jan. 2 bowl battle against the surging Oregon Ducks. If you like high-scoring, pass-happy football, you will DEFINITELY want to have the Tivo set for this one. Uh, people still use Tivos, right? 

13
Oklahoma State (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Ole Miss (Jan. 1)

The Cowboys went 10-0 to begin the season, before spinning out and dropping their last two contests of the year. While watching Oklahoma contend for the National Championship is going to be painful, no doubt, OK State can gain some measure of pride with a 01/01/16 win over a disappointing 9-3 Ole Miss Rebels squad. 

14
Northwestern (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Tennessee (Jan. 1)

The winners of five in a row, the Wildcats have been playing some of the best defensive football in Division I. Alas, their underwhelming O has kept them from being a serious contender throughout the regular season; fittingly enough, they wrap up their 2015-16 campaign with a New Year's Day contest against a team with the exact opposite problem - an underwhelming Tennessee Vols squad that's all O and no D. 

15
Western Kentucky (11-2)
Next Opponent: vs. USF (Dec. 21)

The Hilltoppers biggest claim to fame is having a mascot that looks like a blood soaked cousin of the McDonalds mascot Grimace. Seeing as how they've won five in a row - with their only losses of the season coming to very good LSU and Indiana squads - Western K. has all the makings of a Cinderella squad for the 2016-17 season. Pending you have some free time on the 21st, you can catch yourself a glimmer of things to (possibly) come when W.K. takes on USF in Miami. 

16
Appalachian State (10-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Ohio (Dec. 19)

I have no earthly clue what the Raycom Media Camellia Bowl is, but it should provide a stellar opportunity for the Mountaineers - riding a three game win streak with sole 2015 losses coming against Clemson and, uh, Arkansas State - as they lock horns with THE Ohio Bobcats at the Cramton Bowl. And yes, your guess is as good as mine as to which city that one will take place in. 

17
Navy (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Army (Dec. 12)

The Midshipmen were one of the biggest surprise success stories of the college football year. Alas, while they won't be making an appearance at any of the "big six" bowls, they do get an opportunity to pad their win-loss record with a facile contest against the Army Black Knights this weekend. 

18
Toledo (9-2)
Next Opponent: vs. Temple (Dec. 22)

Are you ready for THE greatest Marmot Boca Raton Bowl game EVER? Well, you better be, as the two-loss Toledo Rockets have an opportunity to prove their worth against the three-loss Temple Owls in what should most certainly be A game that takes place on Dec. 22. But seriously though, these two teams are a lot better than you think, so it might be worth watching ... or at least YouTubing the highlights the next day. 

19
Oregon (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. TCU (Jan. 2)

Don't look now, but the Horned Frogs have won six games in a row, concluding the regular season with only two conference losses. While they weren't good enough for Pasadena, they do get a nice opportunity to prove their worthiness against the Horned Frogs on Jan. 2, in a game with an over/under that will probably be in the triple digits.  

20
San Diego State (10-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Cincinnati (Dec. 24)

After winning their first conference title since 1986, the Aztecs - currently riding a nine-game win streak - turn their attention towards Honolulu, where they will go head-to-head against the Bearcats in the Hawai'i Bowl ... which, yeah, I'd say is a much sweeter plum than landing a spot in the GoDaddy Bowl or, Christ help you, the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.

21
Michigan (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Florida (Jan. 1)

After getting blown out by Ohio State in the last week of regular season play, the Wolverines now set their eyes on a showdown against Florida on New Year's Day '16. The Orlando contest should be quite interesting, seeing as how both teams finished their campaigns with disastrous losses to their arch rivals.

22
Baylor (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. North Carolina (Dec. 29)

Texas has sucked all year long, but they didn't suck nearly as much as the Bears did over the weekend. In an embarrassing 23-17 loss, Baylor outran the Longhorns 395 yards to 156, but with Lynx Hawthorne behind center, they couldn't do diddly with the passing attack. Granted, Baylor had nothing to play for, but if they put in an effort THAT lethargic against North Carolina, they are going to be ran - and passed - out of the stadium on Dec. 29. 

23
Florida (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Michigan (Jan. 1)

Following a disappointing outing against Alabama in the SEC Championship Game (and before that, an even more disastrous showing against Florida State a week earlier), the Gators face off against fellow 9-3 finisher Michigan on New Year's Day. If nothing else, it ought to be a decent defensive contest. 

24
Memphis (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Auburn (Dec. 30)

After starting the season 80, the Tigers wound up dropping three out of their last four, including three consecutive AAC in-conference tilts. Alas, Memphis gets one last shot at redemption on Dec. 30, as they take on the Auburn Tigers in Birmingham. And to think ... there were actually some people dense enough to pick THOSE Tigers to win the National Championship back in August! 

25
Georgia (9-3)
Next Opponent: vs. Penn State (Jan. 2)

When the Bulldogs begin their 2016-17 campaign, they will have a new head coach - current Alabama Defensive Coordinator Kirby Smart - calling the shots. Before then, however, UGA will have one final Richt-era contest - a meaningless Jan. 2 skirmish against the Nittany Lions in the TaxSlayer Bowl in Jacksonville - which, if nothing else, is a considerable step up from playing in the Belk Bowl, or heaven forbid, the Motel 6 Cactus Bowl.

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