LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play Coverage of Week 11's Raiders vs. Patriots Game!

This Week's Episode:

¿Qué quieres decir con que es ilegal cegar al mariscal de campo con un puntero láser?

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including this afternoon's "home game" against New England, down Mexico City way. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Nov. 19 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 11's Raiders vs. Patriots game, with the festivities beginning at 4 p.m. Eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter)

1:40 PM - It's time for the Raiders' annual home stand in Mexico City, as they "host" Tom Brady and the Patriots at Estadio Azteca.

1:41 PM - The Raiders are fresh off a bye and sitting, uh, uncomfortably, I guess, at 4-5. Meanwhile the Pats just got finished drubbing the Dolphins Monday night and currently possess a 7-2 record. To say there's bad blood between these two franchises is kinda' like saying the Jews kinda have a thing against Hitler - not that I need to remind you why, or anything like that.

1:42 PM - Here's the injury report. For the Raiders, OT Marshall Newhouse (the guy who did this against the Dolphins two weeks' back), linebacker Cory James and guard Gabe Jackson are questionable. CB Gareon Conley is listed as doubtful.

1:43 PM - And for the Pats? WR Danny Amendola and TE Martellus Bennett are both listed as questionable. Meanwhile, OT Marcus Cannon, WR Matthew Slater and Center David Andrews are all listed as known scratches.

1:46 PM - And here are the relevant offensive and defensive stats heading into the contest:

1:47 PM - Vegas has the Patriots listed as a -7 favorite, with the over/under set suspiciously high at 55. 

1:48 PM - ESPN's Football Power Index gives New England a 62.6 percent chance of winning the game. Alas, this game IS in Mexico City, and as we all know - this is dyed in the wool Raiders territory, and Tom Brady just don't have to worry about Khalil Mack ... he's also gotta' worry about the fans blinding him with laser pointers and targeting him with paper airplanes.

1:50 PM - I'll get back in touch with 'ya fucks closer to gametime. Also, I'll be getting groceries in a few, so I might be late. Don't say I didn't give you fair warning.

4:23 PM - Well hot dookie, the Giants just beat the Chiefs in overtime. Now that's unexpected.

4:27 PM - Alright, the Raiders are getting the ball first.

4:27 PM - Third and one. Lynch easily converts.

4:28 PM - Vadal Alexander is starting at right tackle for Oakland. 

4:29 PM - Crabtree catches the ball at the line.

4:29 PM - Second and eight. Washington rumbles for about three.

4:30 PM - Third and five. And Roberts bobbles the ball away. Time to punt.

4:31 PM - The returner fair catches it around the NE 12.

4:34 PM - Second and eight. Cooks is about two yards short of moving the sticks.

4:35 PM - Third and three. Amendola converts on a no huddle.

4:35 PM - Burkhead runs for about five.

4:35 PM - Burkhead with another reception - this time enough to move the chains.

4:36 PM - White gets three, maybe four on the run.

4:36 PM - Bennett is tackled about a yard shy of the sticks.

4:36 PM - White runs it up the middle for a new set of downs.

4:37 PM - Patriots at mid-field. Lewis is hit behind the line for a loss.

4:37 PM - Second and 11. Allen hauls it in for about a five yard gain.

4:38 PM - Third and six. Amendola hauls it in around the OAK 30. 

4:39 PM - The running back fumbles the ball. New England recovers.

4:40 PM - Second and two. Lewis hit in the backfield for a loss of four.

4:40 PM - Third and six. The end zone shot is incomplete. But flags are down.

4:41 PM - Holding against the Raiders. That gives the Pats an automatic first down.

4:41 PM - Lewis runs for five.

4:42 PM - Second and six. And Lewis scampers in for the score. 

4:43 PM - The extra point is good. Patriots take the lead 7-0 with less than five minutes left in the first quarter.

4:46 PM - It'll be a touchback for the Raiders.

4:47 PM - Patterson gets six on a short catch.

4:47 PM - Second and four. Marshawn gets enough for a new set of downs.

4:48 PM - False start against Oakland. That moves them back five.

4:48 PM - First and 15. Crabtree can't hold on to it.

4:49 PM - Second and 15. Richard with a few. Third down coming up.

4:50 PM - Third and 11. Holton bobbles the long bomb, it gets batted and the Patriots intercept it.

4:53 PM - BRADY GETS SACKED BY MACK!

4:54 PM - Second and 18. The pass down the left side is good for about 13.

4:55 PM - And that's the end of the first quarter.

4:57 PM - Offsides against the Raiders. That gives New England an automatic first down.

4:58 PM - Lewis goes down at the line.

4:59 PM - Bennett gets five on the pick up.

4:59 PM - Third and five. The long bomb to Cooks is no good. Patriots have to punt.

5:00 PM - Richard fair catches it at the OAK 13.

5:03 PM - Marshawn rolls for about seven yards.

5:04 PM - Second and three. Cook with a completion at midfield. A huge gain for the Raiders.

5:04 PM - And Crabtree wrestles for what should be a first down.

5:05 PM - OK, it's second and one. And Washington converts.

5:06 PM - Lynch gets maybe a yard on the run.

5:07 PM - Second and nine. The throw to Cooper is no good.

5:08 PM - Third and nine. Cooper reels it in about a yard short of the first down marker.

5:09 PM - It's pass interference against Cooper. That makes it Third and 19.

5:10 PM - Cooper is stopped at the OAK 45.

5:11 PM - King out to punt. That'll be a touchback.

5:13 PM - The deep shot to Cooks works. Patriots have it at the OAK 30. That was a 52-yard gain.

5:14 PM - Second and 10. Gronk has enough to take it inside the OAK 10.

5:15 PM - The receiver gets hit behind the line.

5:15 PM - Third and 11. Gronk takes it to the three.

5:16 PM - White hit behind the line on first and goal.

5:16 PM - Second and goal. Amendola goes down at the line.

5:17 PM - Third and goal. Patriots take a timeout.

5:18 PM - Amendola catches it in the back of the end zone.

5:19 PM - The extra point is good. New England leads it, 14-0 with about five minutes left in the half.

5:22 PM - Touchback for the Raiders. Crabtree can't haul in the pass.

5:23 PM - Second and 10. Lynch with a HUGE run. That was 25 yards right there.

5:24 PM - Richard gets six.

5:25 PM - Richard finds a hole and he moves the sticks.

5:26 PM - Richard with another run. That's worth five yards. Holy shit, Richard run into his own lineman.

5:26 PM - Richard fights for about four yards.

5:27 PM - Third and one. Richard gets it.

5:27 PM - There's the two minute warning.

5:30 PM - Crabtree can't haul it in the end zone. No pass interference call against New England.

5:31 PM - Second and 10. Marshawn runs for about nine.

5:31 PM - Third and one. Lynch converts.

5:31 PM - About a minute left. At the NE 15. Roberts catches the ball withing the five, but the Pats punch the ball out and recover the fumble.

5:33 PM - Thirty three seconds left in the half. The Pats have it at their own three.

5:36 PM - Lewis runs to the NE 28.

5:37 PM - The pass is incomplete at the 50.

5:37 PM - Second and 10. Amendola gets shoved out at the NE 45.

5:37 PM - Eleven seconds left. Patriots going for 62 yard field goal.

5:39 PM - It's good. That makes it 17-0, New England, heading into halftime.

5:40 PM - Well, fuck this shit. I'm walking a puppy. I might be back and I might not.

6:00 PM - The Pats start at their own 25. Lewis gets five on the run.

6:01 PM - Amendola with  first down haul.

6:01 PM - Brady floats it to a wide open Cooks. An easy touchdown for the Patriots.

6:02 PM - A 64-yard score. The extra point is good. New England extends their lead, 24-0 with about 14 minutes left in the quarter.

6:06 PM - Cooper with his first ten-yard plus gain of the day.

6:06 PM - Lynch runs for five.

6:07 PM - Lynch gets 11 on a busted play. Not bad.

6:07 PM - Washington literally gets clotheslines at the line of scrimmage.

6:09 PM - Third and 10. The pass to Roberts is overthrown. Here comes King to punt.

6:13 PM - Lewis loses his shoe on the run and the Raiders think it's a loose ball and they all try to jump on it.

6:14 PM - Cooks is wide open again. He's got 139 yards on the day.

6:15 PM - Burkhead with about seven on the pick up.

6:15 PM - Second and four. Lewis runs for a new set of downs.

6:15 PM - Patriots in Raiders' territory. Burkhead runs for about three.

6:16 PM - The substitute right tackle for New England is injured. Time for a commercial break.

6:19 PM - Third and six. Brady's pass is no good.

6:20 PM - New England goes for a field goal. It's good from 51 yards out. Pats lead, 27-0.

6:23 PM - There's a touchback on the kick.

6:23 PM - Cook can't hold on to it.

6:24 PM - Lynch runs for maybe one.

6:25 PM - And Roberts FINALLY managed to hold on to the ball for a first down.

6:25 PM - Olwale with about five yards.

6:26 PM - Crabtree fighting for the jump ball on the deep pass. Nobody comes down with it.

6:27 PM - Third and six. Raiders take a timeout.

6:28 PM - The announcers are talking about how the players have to come down a long stairwell and how it reminds them of Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania.

6:29 PM - Fourth and six. Raiders must punt.

6:30 PM - There's a running into the kicker call against New England. The Raiders take the free yardage and elect to go for it on fourth and one.

6:31 PM - Of course the Raiders don't convert.

6:31 PM - Hell, I'm this close to rage quitting this coverage.

6:33 PM - The back gets hit behind the line.

6:34 PM - Illegal hands to the face call against Denico Autry.

6:36 PM - Fourth and five. The Pats go for another field goal.

6:36 PM - It's good. 30-0, Patriots.

6:41 PM - And there's the end of the third.

6:49 PM - Oakland's challenging a call on the field that Patterson didn't haul in a 20-yard pass on third and 18.

6:51 PM - The call is overturned. The Raiders are at the NE 20.

6:52 PM - And Amari Cooper hits the pylon to finally get Oakland on the board.

6:53 PM - Of course they have to go for two.

6:54 PM - Crabtree hauls in the pass. It's 30-8, New England.

7:04 PM - Patriots going for another field goal.

7:04 PM - It's good. Pats lead, 33-8.

7:07 PM - About eight minutes left. Patterson has enough for a new set of downs.

7:08 PM - Carr is sacked.

7:10 PM - Alright, second and 12. Olwale runs for about nine.

7:12 PM - Third and one. Olwale converts with a spin move.

7:14 PM - Third and 10. Washington drops the ball.

7:18 PM - And CBS officially cut the feed over to the Cincinnati/Denver game. That tells you everything you need to know abut the Raiders' performance today.

7:19 PM - Well, I'm cutting out early. The Patriots won, the Raiders lost and for all intents and purposes, Oakland's season is over. (By the way, that final score held: Patriots 33, Raiders 8.)

7:20 PM - All I can say is ... I fuckin' hate football, with a fuckin' passion.

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LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play from Week 6's Raiders vs. Chargers Game!

This Week's Episode:

".500 Ain't A Bad Place To Be (I Said)"

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including today's home stand against the Chargers. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Oct. 15 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 6's Raiders vs. Chargers game, with the festivities beginning at 4 p.m. eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter)

11:54 AM - The big news is that Derek Carr will be BACK as the Raiders QB for this game. And also, a raging wildfire may choke everybody in the stadium to death, but still - Derek Carr is back, ya'll.

11:56 AM - Here's the Sunday morning injury report from ESPN: for the Raiders, linebacker Marquel Lee and fullback Jamize Olawale are both scratches. Running back DeAndre Washington and cornerback David Amerson are both listed as questionable. And cornerback Antonio Hamilton - who I've never heard of before, and I recap these games every fuckin' week - is officially on the IR. 

11:58 AM - And on the flip side of the ball, linebacker Jatavis Brown, running back Brandon Oliver and wide receiver Mike Williams are all listed as questionable. 

11:59 AM - The official Vegas line puts the Raiders as a -3 favorite, with the over/under set at 48.5. According to ESPN'S Football Power Index, the Raiders have a 62.2 percent chance of winning this afternoon's game.

12:01 PM - Time for the pregame stats. On average, the Raiders are posting 21.6 points per game and allowing 21.8. The Chargers are posting 19.8 points per game and allowing 23. 

12:02 PM - The Raiders are averaging 294.2 yards of offense a game - 203.6 passing and about 90 rushing. Their defense, conversely, is allowing 362.2 yards a game (237.6 passing and 124.6 rushing.)

12:03 PM - The Chargers are averaging 351.8 yards of offense a game - 273 passing and about 79 rushing. Their defense is giving up 375.4 yards per game (214 passing, 161.2 rushing.)

12:04 PM - The Chargers head into this game with a 1-4 record. The Raiders are 2-3 and currently riding a three-game losing streak. I'll be back around 4 p.m. for the kickoff - or then again, it is grocery day, so I might be a wee bit late for that. Don't say I didn't warn you.

4:28 PM - Chargers get the ball first.

4:29 PM - Third and eight. The pass is deflected by Denico Autry at the line of scrimmage. The Chargers gotta' punt.

4:30 PM - It flies out of the end zone. Flags are down.

4:30 PM - The Raiders get flagged ten yards for holding.

4:33 PM - Marshawn runs for about 15 yards on first down.

4:33 PM - Marshall Newhouse is being helped off the field. He's the Raiders' starting right tackle.

4:34 PM - Vadal Alexander steps in. And Carr's pass is an interception.

4:34 PM - Two flags are down. Trevor Williams returns it down to the OAK 10. The Chargers get penalized for an illegal block in the backfield.

4:35 PM - L.A. backed up to the OAK 30. Gordon hit behind the line.

4:36 PM - Second and 11. Brees with a hilariously bad incompletion on a would-be shuttle pass.

4:37 PM - Third and 11. And the pass to Henry is no good. The Chargers wheel out the field goal unit.

4:37 PM - LOL, and the kick is no good.

4:41 PM - Third and 1. Lynch gets more than enough to move the sticks.

4:42 PM - Roberts reels it in for eight.

4:43 PM - Second and two. Richard stutter steps for a new set of downs.

4:44 PM - Cooper hauls it in for seven.

4:44 PM - Richard hit behind the line for a loss.

4:45 PM - Third and six. Crabtree with enough to convert.

4:45 PM - A Charger is hurt. Time for some commercials.

4:47 PM - The injured L.A. player is Adrian Phillips. Marshawn wrestles for about four.

4:48 PM - Second and seven. Lynch with maybe a yard on the run.

4:48 PM - Third and six. The Raiders call a timeout.

4:49 PM - TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! A zipping pass to Michael Crabtree for 23 yards!

4:50 PM - The PAT is good. Raiders lead it, 7-0.

4:55 PM - Henry takes it to the LA 42 on an 18-yard run.

4:55 PM - Gordon with maybe two on the run.

4:56 PM - Second and eight. Gordon appears to have the first down, but flags are down.

4:57 PM - It's against the Raiders. 

4:57 PM - Second and nine. Gordon with six.

4:58 PM - Third and three. And Keenan Allen gets hit right at the line.

4:59 PM - Fourth and two. The Chargers are going for it.

4:59 PM - The pass is incomplete, so the Raiders will take over around their own 35.

5:00 PM - Crabtree drops the first down pass.

5:01 PM - Second and 10. Lynch runs for four.

5:01 PM - Third and six. Flags are down. Looks like a Charger jumped offsides.

5:02 PM - It's a false start call against Donald Penn. And that's the end of the first quarter.

5:05 PM - It's third and 11. Carr throws it away under a blitz. Raiders gotta' punt.

5:05 PM - Holton downs it at the LAC 7.

5:07 PM - Gordon with three on the run.

5:07 PM - Second and seven. Gordon with more than enough to move the sticks.

5:08 PM - Gordon runs for four.

5:08 PM - Second and six. Gordon hit right at the line.

5:09 PM - Third and five. And Keenan Allen goes down short of the first down marker. Chargers gotta' punt again.

Ah, the Black Hole. Where if you aren't texting or drinking  beer, it's because you're too busy imitating a gorilla.

5:10 PM - Raiders will take over around their own 25.

5:13 PM - Lynch with a 12 yard run on first down.

5:13 PM - Washington hit for a huge six yard loss.

5:14 PM - Second and 16. Cooper gets five.

5:15 PM - Third and 11. Joey Bossa forces a fumble on the sack, but at least the Raiders recover. Here comes King to punt.

5:15 PM - Flags are down. Never mind, they don't call the blindside block after all. Chargers will take over just shy of their own 30.

5:19 PM - Gordon with four on the run.

5:20 PM - Second and seven. Rivers throws it away on a blitz.

5:20 PM - Third and seven. Kennan Allen takes it to the SD 49 on an almost 30-yard strike.

5:21 PM - The deep pass is broken up. 

5:22 PM - Second and 10. Williams gets two yards on a short pass.

5:23 PM - Third and eight. And Ekeler makes enough to just barely move the sticks.

5:24 PM - Second and seven. Gates hauls it in for 17 yards.

5:25 PM - Gordon hit for a one yard loss.

5:26 PM - Third and nine. Allen hauls it in within the OAK 10. 

5:27 PM - Gordon picks up four. And here's the two-minute warning.

5:30 PM - Second and goal. The pass to Gordon is incomplete in the end zone.

5:31 PM - Third and goal. And Amerson stops Henry RIGHT at the goal line. That motherfucker couldn't have been any closer.

5:32 PM - Fourth and goal. And Gordon runs it in for six. The PAT is good. And we've got ourselves a 7-7 tie with 1:44 left in the first half.

5:36 PM - Washington goes down at the OAK 24. 

5:36 PM - Flags are down, so the Chargers re-kick the ball.

5:37 PM - Patterson takes the return up to the OAK 40. 

5:38 PM - Cooper gets five on a pass.

5:39 PM - Richard takes it past midfield. An eight yard gain.

5:39 PM - Amari Cooper with a jump ball down to the OAK 17.

5:39 PM - Holding on Oakland negates the 25-yard pick up. Good job, Gabe Jackson, you fuckin' schmuck.

5:40 PM - First and 20. The pass to Cook is incomplete, but flags are down.

5:41 PM - Pass interference against the Chargers gives the Raiders a new set of downs with about 30 seconds left in the half.

5:41 PM - Richard runs for 11.

5:41 PM - Richard takes it to the OAK 26.

5:42 PM - Second and 2 with 15 seconds left. The deep pass to Crabtree is incomplete.

5:43 PM - Third and 2 with nine seconds left. Incomplete to Cooper. But a flag is down.

5:43 PM - The refs pick the hanky back up.

5:44 PM - Giorgio out to kick. The Chargers call a timeout.

5:45 PM - It's a 44-yard attempt. It's right down the middle. And that will give the Raiders a 10-7 lead heading into halftime.

And that dude is clearly quite proud of his IRL meme skillz.

5:46 PM - Derek Carr is 9 for 14 for 82 yards and a 1-to-1 TD-to-INT ratio. Philip Rivers is 15 for 22 for 130 yards, but no touchdown passes.

5:47 PM - At the midway point, the Chargers have 30 yards rushing, with Melvin Gordon hauling in 29 of 'em plus a TD run. The Raiders have 42 yards rushing the ball, with Lynch leading with 49 yards on eight carries.

5:48 PM - The top receiver is Keenan Allen, who has 45 yards on five yards. Leading for Oakland is Michael Crabtree, who has 30 yards and one TD reception on two catches.

6:00 PM - Richard takes it up to around the OAK 40 on the kickoff. 

6:00 PM - Cooper reels it in for eight yards.

6:01 PM - Second and two. Washington slips behind the line. 

6:01 PM - Third and four. And Patterson gets enough to move the sticks.

6:01 PM - Lynch hit right at the line for no gain.

6:02 PM - We get an injury timeout for a downed Chargers lineman.

6:05 PM - Second and 10. Crabtree gets seven.

6:05 PM - Third and three. Crabtree reels it in for seven more and a new set of downs.

6:06 PM - Washington runs for two.

6:07 PM - Second and eight. And Washington appears to have enough to move the sticks.

6:07 PM - Washington with about two. Flags are down. It's a holding call against the Raiders. Yep it's Gabe Jackson again.

6:08 PM - First and 20. Roberts with a 15-yard pick up.

6:09 PM - Second and five. Lynch drops the pass.

6:09 PM - Third and five. Cook gets eight. Time to move the chains.

6:10 PM - Patterson runs for three.

6:11 PM - Second and seven. And the pass is intercepted on a deflection off Lynch. God fuckin' damn it.

6:13 PM - Gordon pushed out after a 19-yard gain.

6:15 PM - Second and nine. Gordon right at the line.

6:15 PM - Third and nine. And RIVERS GETS SACKED!

6:16 PM - Richard bobbles, but hangs on to, the ball and goes down at the OAK 20.

6:19 PM - Lynch runs for four.

6:20 PM - Second and six. Lynch runs for four more.

6:20 PM - Third and two. Looks like the shuttle pass only nets one yard. Time to punt.

6:21 PM - Benjamin fair catches it around the LA 25.

6:24 PM - Gordon with enough to move the chains.

6:25 PM - Gordon with a two yard run.

6:25 PM - Second and eight. Xavier Woodson-Lester with a great shoestring tackle at the line.

6:26 PM - Third and eight. AND THE RAIDERS FORCE A FUMBLE! Amerson recovers and the Raiders take over at midfield.

6:27 PM - A bad snap form Hudson and Carr has to hop on the fumbled ball.

6:28 PM - Second and 17. Roberts hauls it in for 11.

6:28 PM - Third and six. Crabtree gets three. 

6:29 PM - The Raiders are going for it. And that's the end of the third.

6:31 PM - Fourth and two. Incomplete to Crabtree.

6:32 PM - Chargers take over around their own 40.

6:33 PM - Ten yard gain for Henry.

6:33 PM - Williams with 11. 

6:34 PM - The deep pass to Henry is way incomplete.

6:35 PM - Third and six. A 15 yard pass to Mike Williams.

6:36 PM - Gordon with a minimal gain on the first down run.

6:37 PM - Second and six. Gordon hit right at the line.

6:37 PM - Third and six again. The Chargers call a timeout.

6:39 PM - A nine yard gain for the Chargers.

6:40 PM - The deep shot is out of bounds.

6:41 PM - Second and goal. And Gordon runs it in for an easy touchdown. 

6:41 PM - The PAT is good. Chargers lead it, 14-10.

6:44 PM - Raiders take over at their own 20. Lynch gets two on the run.

6:45 PM - Second and eight. A short four yard pass to Cooper.

6:45 PM - Third and four. Flag on the play.

6:46 PM - Offsides against L.A. That makes it a first down for Oakland.

6:47 PM - Refs have to reset the play clock. 

6:48 PM - Cook gets eight.

6:48 PM - Second and two. TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Patterson with a 50 yard run!

6:49 PM - A high snap, and Giorgio misses the PAT. Raiders lead it, 16-14.

6:52 PM - Gordon hit at the line on the first down run.

6:54 PM - Second and 10. Gordon bobbles it.

6:55 PM - Third and 10. Gordon stopped four yards shy of the first down. Chargers gotta' punt.

6:55 PM - Richard goes down around the OAK 25.

6:58 PM - Cooper with enough to move the sticks. But flags are down. An illegal formation call against the Raiders.

6:59 PM - First and 15. Lynch runs for about five.

7:00 PM - Second and 12. Incomplete and almost picked off.

7:01 PM - Third and 12. A hook and ladder nets 11 for Patterson. Still a yard shy. Raiders punt.

7:02 PM - And the Chargers' return man goes down at the LA 7.

7:03 PM - Henry takes it to the LAC 40. A 35-yard gain.

7:03 PM - Gordon hit after a two yard run.

7:04 PM - Second and eight. Henry with a big pick up - 23 yards.

7:05 PM - Gordon runs down to the OAK 26. A seven yard gain.

7:05 PM - And there's the two minute warning.

7:08 PM - Gordon with enough to convert.

7:09 PM - The Raiders call a timeout.

7:10 PM - Gordon with five.

7:11 PM - Second and 7. Gordon takes it inside the OAK 15.

7:11 PM - Third and three. Raiders take their final timeout.

7:11 PM - Gordon runs inside the 10 for a new set of downs.

7:12 PM - About a minute left. The Chargers take a timeout.

7:13 PM - Rivers falls down on purpose to get the ball inside the hash mark.

7:14 PM - Rivers takes a knee.

7:15 PM - Here comes the kicker.

7:15 PM - It's good. The Chargers win it, 17-16. 

7:15 PM - That's four losses in a row for the Raiders. With Oakland at 2-4, is it officially time to abandon hope for the season? Well, if they shit the bed against K.C. on Thursday night ... it might very well be.

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LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play From Week 3's Raiders vs. Redskins Game!

This Week's Episode:

"Paleface score heap points - a.k.a., let's all take a (Wounded) Knee"

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including today's road game against Washington. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Sept. 24 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 3's Raiders vs. Redskins game, with the festivities beginning at 8 p.m. eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter) 

3:33 PM - We're about five hours from kickoff, but I've got some free time so I'll just hurry up and lay out the pregame statistics.

3:34 PM - For the Raiders, safety Sean Smith is questionable. For the Redskins, safety Montae Nicholson, linebacker Mason Foster, running back Rob Kelley, tight end Jordan Reed and cornerback Josh Norman are all gametime decisions.

3:37 PPM - The Raiders are three point favorites and the under/over is set at 53.5. ESPN's Pro Football Index says the Raiders have a 50.8 percent chance of winning the game and there's a 0.4 percent chance of a tie. 

3:39 PM - Heading into tonight's game Derek Carr has 5 TDs and 492 passing yards. Kirk Cousins has two TDs, 1 INT and 419 yards. 

3:40 PM - Oakland's top rusher is Marshawn Lynch (121 yards, 1 TD) while Washington's most productive back is Rob Kelley (108 yards.) The Raiders' top receiver is Michael Crabtree (three touchdowns, 163 yards) and the Redskins' top receiver is Terrelle Pryor (97 yards) - who, as fate would have it, was the Raiders' starting QB just four seasons ago.

7:37 PM - Time for an update about an hour ahead of kickoff. Sean Smith has been upgraded to ACTIVE for tonight's game. Meanwhile, Jordan Reed and Rob Kelley have both been ruled inactive for the contest.

7:38 PM - And a few more numbers while we have the time. The Raiders are posting 246 passing yards a game and 144.5 rushing yards per game. For the Redskins the numbers are 209.5 yards passing per game and 146.5 yards rushing (but remember, they are without their best running back tonight.)

7:40 PM - And in terms of defense? The Raiders are allowing 211 passing yards per game and 110.5 yards rushing per game. The Redskins are allowing 277 yards passing per game and 77.5 yards per game rushing. 

7:41 PM - Overall, the Raiders are putting up 35.5 points per game and allowing 18. The Redskins are putting up 22 per game and allowing 25.

7:51 PM - Now Donald Penn's talking shit about Donald Trump. Man, what a time to be alive; a world in which *standing* for a tribute to dead soldiers is considered "offensive."

8:29 PM - Derek Carr was the only Raider standing for the anthem. And even then, it looked more like he was praying than doing anything else. 

8:30 PM - As it turns out, if the Raiders were to have stayed in the locker room, they would have been penalized 15 yards and forfeited the coin toss. And now Chris Collins is flapping his gums against Trump. 

8:31 PM - Oh, that's right, we have an actual football game to accompany all this virtue signalling bullshit. Raiders get possession first at their own 25 following a touchback.

8:32 PM - Lynch runs it up the gut for about three.

8:32 PM - Second and 7. Monte Nicholson with an interception. That's Carr's first INT of the season.

8:33 PM - They're reviewing whether Nicholson got touched by Cooper after the INT. Apparently, he did, so that negates his runback.

8:34 PM - Still reviewing it. Alright, that puts the ball back 25 yards.

8:36 PM - At the WSH 33. Khalil Mack gobbles up the back after a short pick-up.

8:37 PM - Second and eight. Washington's rookie back gets a short gain.

8:37 PM - Third and six. Vernon Davis gets bounced out of bounds at the OAK 47. That's a 26-yard pass.

8:38 PM - The back gets hit right at the line.

8:39 PM - Second and 9. Crowder gets enough to move the chains.

8:39 PM - Samaje Perine runs it up the gut. 

8:40 PM - Second and six. Perine gets hit right at the line.

8:40 PM - Third and five. And Thompson gallops in for a TD.

8:41 PM - The PAT is good. The Redskins lead it 7-0.

8:44 PM - That's going to be a touchback. Raiders get it back at their own 25.

8:45 PM - Lynch runs it for three.

8:46 PM - Second and seven. And Carr gets sacked.

8:46 PM - Third and 13. And Carr gets sacked AGAIN. Raiders have to punt.

8:50 PM - A five yard gain for Perine on first down.

8:51 PM - Cousins hit as he throws, but the tight end still makes the catch. 

8:51 PM - Good pressure from Mario Edwards, Jr. Third and nine. A flag is down.

8:52 PM - False start against the offense. That's a five yard penalty against Washington.

8:53 PM - Crowder makes the catch but he's three yards shy of moving the sticks. Flags are down.

8:53 PM - Pass interference against the offense. The Raiders decline. Redskins have to punt.

8:54 PM - Richard goes down at the OAK 11.

8:56 PM - Patterson gets almost nine on the run.

8:56 PM - Second and two. Incomplete to Cook.

8:57 PM - Third and 2. And Lynch gets dropped well short of the first down marker.

8:58 PM - Raiders punt. The return man fair catches it at the WSH 19.

9:01 PM - Perine gets maybe a yard on the run.

9:02 PM - Yep, Perine is that kid from Oklahoma. Second and 8. Flags everywhere. It's offsides on the Redskins.

9:02 PM - Second and 13. Caught by Ryan Grant at the WSH 31.

9:03 PM - Conley got beat bad on that one. Cousins hit as he's thrown, but Pryor makes the catch.

9:03 PM - Second and three. Looks like Perine got hit by a loss.

9:04 PM - Third and six. The pass is too high. Redskins are forced to punt.

9:05 PM - Richard fair catches it at the OAK 22.

9:06 PM - Crabtree drops the pass.

9:06 PM - Second and 10. Lynch rumbles for about five.

9:07 PM - Third and five. And Amari Cooper hauls in the pass to give Carr his first completion of the game. But flags are down.

9:08 PM - It's a holding call against the Raiders. Time to scooch back ten yards.

9:09 PM - And that's the end of the quarter.

9:11 PM - Third and nine. And Cooper can't reel it in. Raiders must punt.

9:12 PM - The Redskins down it at their own 16.

9:13 PM - Davis scrambles for about seven. Flags are down.

9:14 PM - Holding against the Redskins. It's on Pryor. 

9:15 PM - First and 20. Perine takes it for about 10.

9:15 PM - Second and 11. Thompson runs for about four.

9:15 PM - Third and three. So I guess that last run was longer than four yards. AND COUSINS GETS SACKED BY MACK!

9:16 PM - Richard gets wrapped up at the OAK 30. 

9:20 PM - Cook takes a pass about eight, maybe nine yards.

9:21 PM - Neutral zone infraction against Washington. So the Raiders get an automatic first down.

9:21 PM - Lynch runs for about one yard.

9:21 PM - Second and nine. Lynch with about seven yards on a catch.

9:21 PM - Third and one. And Carr throws ANOTHER interception. 

9:23 PM - Perine runs for about nine.

9:23 PM - The back gets about three yards on run.

9:24 PM - Grant runs enough for a first down.

9:24 PM - Perine runs for about eight.

9:25 PM - Pryor gets both feet in for a huge gain.

9:26 PM - Perine gets maybe a yard on the first down run.

9:26 PM - Davis with a short gain.

9:27 PM - Third and six. And Crowder gets enough to move the sticks.

9:27 PM - Perine takes it to the OAK 15.

9:28 PM - Second and six. Crowder hit right at the line.

Your pick: virtue signal or actually win fucking football games.

9:29 PM - Third and nine. And there's Vernon Davis for the touchdown. 

9:30 PM - The PAT is good. Redskins extend their lead to 14-0.

9:33 PM - Raiders take the touchback. 

9:33 PM - Richard runs for about 11. 

9:34 PM - Richard gets four on the catch.

9:34 PM - Richard hit for a huge loss on second and 6.

9:35 PM - Third and 13. Olawale is in the backfield. And there's the two minute warning.

9:38 PM - Third and 13. Seth Robert picks up the pass, but he's why short of the first down marker.

9;40 PM - Raiders punt again.

9:42 PM - Redskins take over at their own 15. Thompson with a 13-yard run.

9:43 PM - Thompson takes it up to midfield before being pushed out of bounds.

9:44 PM - That was a 23 yard gain. It's incomplete on second down.

9:44 PM - Thompson runs it up the gut for a short gain. The Skins take a timeout.

9:45 PM - Third and six. Looks like Davis is a yard shy. But the refs give Washington a good spot so it's a de facto first down.

9:46 PM - Now they're going to look at the spot of the ball.

9:48 PM - Now the refs are saying it's short. The clock has been rolled back to 39 seconds.

9:48 PM - Fourth and inches. The Skins take a delay of game penalty.

9:50 PM - Skins punt. TJ Carrie fair catches it inside the Raiders' 15.

9:51 PM - The Raiders just take a knee, and that's it for the first half.

9:52 PM - Well, this game has been an absolute disaster for the Raiders thus far. Derek Carr has been sacked twice, thrown two interceptions and recorded only five completions for 32 yards. Their run game isn't do much better, having accumulated just 24 yards of ground offense after two quarters of play.

9:53 PM - Meanwhile, Kirk Cousins has thrown two TDs and racked up 173 passing yards, while Perine alone has 11 more yards than Oakland's entire backfield.

9:53 PM - The Raiders REALLY have to get their shit together. But then again, this IS what happens when you spend all day trying to figure out the best way to symbolically say "Fuck Trump" instead of adequately preparing for the job you're paid to do.

10:08 PM - Raiders challenging whether or not Thompson was down seven yards earlier than the refs have ruled.

10:09 PM - And that's exactly what the refs declare. The ball goes back a couple. 

10:10 PM - Perine runs up the middle for a few. Offense gets hit with a holding call.

10:11 PM - First and 20. Thompson goes nowhere.

10:11 PM - Second and 20. Thompson runs for about 15. 

10:12 PM - Third and five. Yep, Thompson converts.

10:13 PM - And a rookie receiver just reeled in a 52-yard TD. FUCK THIS TEAM.

10:14 PM - The kick is good. Washington leads, 21-0.

10:16 PM - Carr is sacked. That's number three on the day.

10:18 PM - Lynch gets four yards on the run.

10:19 PM - And Carr is sacked AGAIN.

10:20 PM - Raiders punt. Crowder takes it to the OAK 40.

10:21 PM -Third and three for Washington. Amerson breaks up the pass.

10:25 PM - Well, at least the kicker fucked up the field goal. Still 21-0, Washington.

10:28 PM - Raiders take over around their own 40. 

10:29 PM - Second and 10. Cook takes it to the OAK 48.

10:29 PM - Third and three. Roberts is hit behind the line.

10:30 PM - Raiders have to punt. Again.

10:30 PM - Thankfully, James Crowser (the white guy who looks like frat boy Thor) recovers Crowder's muffed punt. 

10:31 PM - The Raiders take over at the WSH 20. 

10:31 PM - And Lynch is hit WAY behind the line.

10:31 PM - Second and 13. Cook with what appears to be a touchdown haul. But a flag is down.

10:32 PM - It's holding against the Redskins. The Raiders, obviously, decline it and take the six points. 

10:34 PM - Tavecchio's kick is good. It's 21-7, Washington.

10:37 PM - The Redskins take the touchback. Perine gets maybe a yard.

10:38 PM - Second and nine. The pass is incomplete.

10:38 PM - Third and nine. Cousins runs for a new set of downs. But an offensive holding takes it back.

10:39 PM - Third and 19 now. And Thompson takes it 74 yards to the OAK 10.

10:40 PM - Second and goal. Perine gets half the distance. 

10:42 PM - Third down and goal. Crowder hit at the line.

10:43 PM - Redskins bring the field goal unit out.

10:43 PM - And the Skins let the clock run out. That's the end of the third.

10:46 PM - The kick is good. Washington leads, 24-7. 

10:47 PM - Patterson takes it to the 22. 

10:48 PM - Crabtree gets about seven on the catch.

10:48 PM - Second and three. Washington runs to move the sticks. Flags are down.

10:48 PM - Holding on the Raiders. That's a ten yard penalty.

10:49 PM - Third and 12. And Crabtree can't hold on to the deep shot. 

10:51 PM - Raiders punt.

10:54 PM - Perine loses the ball at the 11, and the Raiders RECOVER. That was Cowser with his SECOND fumble recovery of the game.

10:55 PM - Also, it looks like Perine is hurt.

10:56 PM - Flags EVERYWHERE in the end zone.

10:56 PM - It's against Washington. That puts Raiders pretty much at the one yard line. 

10:56 PM - Cook's pass is broken up.

10:57 PM - Second and goal. The end zone shot towards Patterson is broken up.

10:58 PM - Third and goal. Donald Penn falls down, so Carr just throws it away. Time for a field goal.

10:59 PM - The Italian makes it. It's 24-10, Redskins.

11:02 PM - Redskins takeover at their own 25. The new running back is Matt Brown, and he goes nowhere. 

11:03 PM - Second and nine. Crowder takes it to about midfield.

11:03 PM - Thompson runs for about nine.

11:04 PM - The back goes up the gut for  first down.

11:05 PM - Brown takes it to the OAK 20.

11:06 PM - Second and four. The back doesn't get far.

11:07 PM - Third and four. The Skins take a timeout.

11:11 PM - Third and four. Cousins scrambles, but he can't make it past the first down marker.

11:11 PM - Fourth and 2. The Redskins kick it through the uprights. It's 27-10, Washington.

11:15 PM - Almost intercepted on a bobbled pass.

11:16 PM - Patterson catches it along the sideline for a seven yard gain.

11:16 PM - Fourth and three. Carr runs and slides into the OAK 40.

11:18 PM - Washington with a three yard gain.

11:18 PM - Great, Michael Crabtree has some kind of chest injury. Second and 7. The pass to Roberts is no good. Flag down.

11:19 PM - It's against the Raiders. Second and 17. Walford barely gets past the line of scrimmage.

11:20 PM - Third and 18. He overthrows Cooper on a long shot.

11:21 PM - False start call against the Raiders.

11:21 PM - Fourth and 23. Roberts fumbles the ball away, and it's turnover on downs. 

11:22 PM - There's the two minute warning.

11:31 PM - And that's the ball game. Our final score from Landover, Mary? Redskins 27, Raiders 10.

11:32 PM - Good job, you buncha' fucks. You really earned this one.

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