Showing posts with label Voting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Voting. Show all posts

Thursday, March 3, 2016

I'm a Democrat, But I'm Voting for Donald Trump

An argument in defense of the Republican presidential front-runner. 


By: Jimbo X
@Jimbo__X

Although I abhor the longstanding, absurdly reductionist U.S. political binary with a fiery passion, if I absolutely HAD to place myself somewhere on the false-dichotomy axis, I'd probably land somewhere on the liberal side of the spectrum.

I am adamantly pro-choice. I believe in stricter gun-control measures. I believe homosexuals deserve all of the same civic rights as heterosexuals. I believe the federal government has an obligation, as does the public as taxpayers, to help out the less fortunate and advance as many citizens into middle-class self-sustainability as possible - if not for the "rightness" of the cause, then because of the blunt economic fact that the more people we have working and supporting themselves, the better off we all are as a peoples. Hell, I even supported the Affordable Care Act, and to a large degree, still do. 

Of course, I also support the death penalty, oppose drug legalization and think affirmative action is a big old steaming pile of bull hockey. So, yeah, I'm not really welcome anywhere, right, left or whatever exists in-between.

Nonetheless, I believe in America. No matter how "uncool" it is, I thank the god-I-don't-actually-believe-in every morning that I was born and raised in the United States, the single freest country that has ever existed (and probably ever will.) Yes, I acknowledge it has flaws - a lot of them, actually - but by and large, I wholeheartedly believe America is far and away the best place on Earth to live in, and it's not even close.

And what made America great, you might be wondering? A sense of solidarity. From WWII onward, we believed in a common American identity, that ours was an exceptional way of life. Our religion, race or ethnicity didn't matter(*) - we were all part of the same team, the same collective workforce that found thrift, sacrifice, honesty and selflessness to be cardinal values above all others. We cared about our families, we cared about our communities and we cared about our companies - we all knew that the success of one meant the success of all, and we all did our part to pull our respective weight.


(*)What's this, you say, about the plight of the African-American community, to contest my assertions? Well, before you call the P.C. police to put me away for life for unspeakable thoughtcrimes, just remember that up until the 1970s, the proportion of African-Americans in the U.S. labor force was higher than the proportion of Caucasian laborers, while the rate of black business ownership was actually higher before desegregation than after it Indeed, one could argue that the proliferation of "War on Poverty" entitlement programs - in tandem with the virtual meltdown of the African-American nuclear family - all but negated whatever economic benefits may have arose from the passage of the the Civil Rights Act and continues to put black Americans at a financial disadvantage today. 

Yes, there has always been poverty and racism and sexism and wealth inequity. There always will be in a state that embraces freedom, in one that allows people to make their own choices - regardless of their asininity - just as long as they are also willing to live with the consequences. Still, as long as you have the commitment to work your ass off, stay true to your morals and you make an honest, concentrated effort to succeed, you can. I grew up in a single-wide trailer in the crystal meth country, and thanks to the power of higher education, a desire to not live in poverty the rest of my life and some generous college-assistance programs (ironically enough, funded entirely by other poor people), I was able to climb out of my squalid, lower-class purgatory and enter that much-fabled "middle class" everybody keeps yammering on and on about. Granted, it may not be as romantic as the tale of the Sri Lankan dirt farmer who came to the U.S. on a leaky boat and sold rutabagas off the back of a truck to finance his PhD, but I suppose I am nonetheless proof enough that the American Dream - in some semblance, anyway - is still alive and kicking

Now, this collective effort I speak of is NOT the same thing as classical socialism. Americans have never been a peoples who demand the government take care of the things they ought to be taking care of themselves. Rather, the unstated social contract that has taken the U.S. this far has been the shared national ideal that as long as we're willing to pay upfront for the necessary infrastructure and services - roads to drive on and rivers that aren't filled with poison and having people with bazookas and tanks and shit around to protect us from the barbarian hordes domestic and abroad - that means John and Joan Q. Government have to stay out of our business. Once we are able to carry our own load, the onus is upon us. It's our individual responsibility to support ourselves and our loved ones, to raise our children with the beliefs we want them to have and to spend our money and get into debt however we please. Just as long as we are paying the appropriate taxes, refraining from fraudulent commercial practices and not intentionally doing things we know could kill people, the Feds have no right to meddle in our affairs.

And they especially don't have the authority - morally or legally - to tell us how we ought to think and feel about things. 

Up until fairly recently, that had been the adage of the Democratic Party. Perhaps no one embodied the quintessence of American social liberalism better than John F. Kennedy, whose immortal aphorism "ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country" perfectly encapsulated the ingrained Democratic reverence for individual responsibility. 

But my, how the Democratic Party - and America itself - has lost its way. 

Today, the modern liberal spits on the notion of "American exceptionalism." Instead of rallying behind the rights of the individual and celebrating our common bond - that being the desire to take care of ourselves and our own, sans obstruction from the government - they've become unabashed promoters of Balkanization, encouraging individuals to self-segregate into political enclaves that only care about their own superficial common causes. Democrats have embraced this weird quasi-Marxist doctrine besieging people to demand economic reparations because of historical misgivings - by and large, more perceived than actual - instead of imploring individuals to take control of their own lives and pursue their own paths to economic independence. 

But just when it looked like the Democrats (who, by this point, have transmogrified from the party of Kennedy  into unabashed European-lite socialists) were about to win the War Against Self-Sufficiency ... here comes a new challenger


Because a guy promoting tighter border security is clearly a greater civic threat than people who want to murder a politician for something he never said. 

Republicans and Democrats alike absolutely despise Donald Trump, which is usually a good sign somebody is doing something right. To ensure he falters in his Oval Office ambitions, detractors on the left and the right have no qualms labeling him a racist, bigot, Nazi sympathizer or Klansman - even when evidence to support such libelous claims are 100 percent non-existent. Here's just a sampling of the "news" articles populating the Web the morning of Super Tuesday - you know, before the reality TV star and multi-billionaire real estate mogul won a paltry seven out of 11 state primaries: 



Indeed, the masses are plum freaking out over the surprising popularity of the populist candidate, with wishy-washy millennial drama queens unable to mount a compelling argument against the Republican front-runner other than the same old invocation of Godwin's law and other hysterical hyperbole. So stretched to come up with a rebuttal to Trump's anti-illegal immigration and pro-national security policies other than screaming "racist" over and over against like stark-raving mad Puritans convinced their livestock had been bewitched by the neighbors, bespectacled British gaylord John Oliver - whom I refer to as a "gaylord" not because of suspected homosexual tendencies but because his humor and personality are about as bland and flavorless as a giant, triplewall corrugated cardboard box - spent 22 minutes direly attempting to convince the American electorate that Trump isn't to be trusted because his ancestral last name was once spelled Drumpf

My goodness, look at all that voluntary wealth-redistribution going on!

So, uh, what is it bout Trump that arouses so much liberal antipathy? Is it because he wants to construct a wall to combat illegal immigration, which the regressive left falsely equates with anti-Hispanic sentiments? Is it because he wants to beef up national security, and scrutinize foreigners a little harder before they enter the country? Or is it simply because he connects with America's working-class, non-college-educated (indoctrinated?) whites, that strange, alien subculture that for some inexplicable reason, is immune to the incontestable multiculturalism uber alles, globalization-is-great-for-everybody dogma? 

Sure, Trump's proposed $25 billion Great Wall of Mexico is a little outlandish, but it's still more economically viable than Bernie Sanders' federal-budget-doubling universal health care proposal. And of course, if we're going to criticize Trump for building a wall for security reasons, the logic follows we also ought to be criticizing Russia, Israel, China, Spain, Hong Kong, Korea, Saudi Arabia, and about two dozen African nations for doing the same goddamn thing. Along those same lines, Trump's call to temporarily halt Muslim immigration to the U.S. following the lethal San Bernardino massacre is hardly unprecedented. Lest we forget, Nobel Peace Prize recipient Jimmy Carter once banned Iranians from entering the country, and the motherfucking poster child for "Being Liberal" metaphorically wiped his paraplegic ass with the Bill of Rights and sent hundreds of thousands of totally innocent Japanese, Italian and German Americans into internment camps during World War II. And really, what's so bad about temporarily bringing a halt to foreign traffic in the instance of a national emergency and creating more stringent vetting processes to weed out people who want to publicly gang rape and jack off in kiddie pools from legitimate asylum seekers? Prepare to get shouted down and name-called a "racist" or "xenophobe" if you state any of that, though, to the anti-Trump throng, who still have no idea that Constitutional rights are only afforded to people who are actual U.S. citizens. 

As would any intolerant peoples who refuse to accept that others may have belief systems and ways of life different from their own, liberals continue to rail against Trump and his supporters, labeling his campaign as some sort of "white nationalism" resurgence. While it is true that a majority - but most certainly not all - of Trump's staunchest supporters are on the mayonnaise lite side of the melanin scale, he's hardly running a whiter campaign than socialist super hero Bernie Sanders, who hails from a state where the the general population is 96 percent honky. Could it be that maybe - just maybe - America's long-ignored, working class, non-urban populace is flocking to Trump because his economic principles benefit them and not because they want to live action role play The Turner Diaries?

Millions of hardworking lower middle class families have been hit hard by rising health care insurance premiums. Trump said he wants to eliminate Obamacare and give people tax credits for voluntarily paying for coverage

That helps them financially.

Trump wants to lower taxes to 10 percent for individuals earning less than $50,000 a year, and if you make less than $25,000 a year - or you are married and bring in less than $50,000 a year - you won't pay any federal taxes whatsoever

That helps them financially. 

Trump said he's going to reduce the trade deficit and incentivize U.S. companies to bring offshore manufacturing back to the U.S., with heavy tax penalties on corporations who choose to ship American jobs abroad.

That helps them financially.

We tend to forget that non-college educated people represent 68 percent of the U.S. These are the people who really make America work - the people who fix telephone poles and pour gravel on the highway and sling hash browns and squirt pesticides for a living. In our academic-elitist society, we also tend to forget that many of these people also have high-paying jobs and have even started their own successful businesses. Their financial, political and social agendas are altogether different from the interests of all of us smarmy, bachelor's degree holdin' know-it-alls. They don't give a shit about microaggressions or gender-fluid pronouns or third wave feminism. They are too busy just scraping by, doing all they can to take care of their spouses and their children without going bankrupt and having to depend on social services the rest of their lives. 

These people don't want the federal government and other taxpayers supporting them. Instead, they want the economic playing field leveled so that they actually have a shot at self-sufficiency. All of the alleged race-baiting and anti-immigrant rancor you keep hearing the lunk-heads at MSNBC and The Huffington Post screaming about masks the fact that many rural, working-class people have indeed had their economic sustainability torn asunder by NAFTA and, adding insult to injury, an influx of mass immigrant competition in the labor force. You move all the jobs out of the country, automate everything, jack up the living wage, and make poor whites, blacks and Hispanics battle for scant housing and employment, and you wonder why racial tensions are so high? Don't blame the Confederate flag or David Duke for whatever ethnocentric animosities may belie the Trump fanbase - instead, blame it on lopsided free trade agreements and corporate outsourcing

Rather than the crude, prejudiced, negro-hating crackers they are hideously stereotyped as by the media, Trump supporters - by and large - tend to be people with a clear idea of what awaits them. Last November, Nobel Prize winning economist Angus Deaton published a report finding that middle-aged, non-college-educated whites were dying off at a rate surpassing the death toll of sexually active, homosexual young men at the height of the AIDS crisis. The catalyst? A major upswing in drug overdoses, alcohol poisonings and suicide - which, wouldn't you know it, runs parallel with the unemployment statistics for the very same demographic. 

As globalization marches full speed ahead, the working class American knows his days are numbered. With no manufacturing jobs available stateside, all he can do is pray and hope that the feeble service industries and whatever low-skill technical jobs are out there don't get displaced - either in the form of legal or illegal migrant labor or technology that makes them mechanically obsolete

With economics policies as is, the working class white knows he's on the path to complete economic ruin. If things keep going as is, they know their children will be unable to support themselves, to even be able to get on the same clumsy social footing they achieved. For them, Trump's neo-neo-conservative economic platform is literally the only thing that's going to keep them financially sustainable as laborers. While Trump detractors are bitching and moaning about "white privilege" and "heterocentrism" and "transphobia," Trump's supporters are fighting for their very survival

Now, is Trump really going to do all the stuff he said he's going to do? Well, considering the G.O.P. hates his guts and liberals want him crucified on a giant brown dildo, it doesn't seem likely he'll get much done with Congress. But as outlandish and hilariously baseless as his promises may be, if he manages to keep half of them - hell, even a quarter of them - they're going to keep the working class family chugging along. 

Not only is Trump the only candidate promoting economic nationalism, he's probably the first candidate to float the idea in more than half a century. Indeed, you can almost pinpoint the moment the U.S. economy - complete with its strong labor unions and high employment rates and high quality of life even for working class Americans - went off the rails: 1973, when Richard Nixon formerly ended the American School of Economics system. You know, that same protectionist ideology that only resulted in the U.S. becoming the greatest economic empire in history

Since we adopted the gloriously misnamed doctrine of "free trade," what's happened? The unions collapsed and died. Illegal labor went through the roof. The nation's manufacturing sector literally left the country. Corporations were able to suck trillions out of the national economy by using cheap labor abroad. The working class became the starving class, and the downtrodden were pushed out of the economic cycle altogether. 

In today's hippie-dippie academic elitist society, we've been taught since birth to believe "globalization" is the best thing since sliced bread. Our segmented, juvenile, hyper-selfish and responsibility-averse culture rejects even the notion of a shared economic identity, too busy combating invisible Klansman and non-existent neo-Nazis to even realize the same people we automatically decry as backwards hicks - and not their entitled, student-loan-saddled, faux-victimized, crybully asses -  are indeed the biggest victims of modernity.

Sorry, but I will never admonish someone for voting in line with their economic interests, regardless of whatever auxiliary political ideals or beliefs they may or may not embrace. They may not be your circumstantial reasons, but there is certainly a VERY good reason why Trump supporters should be rallying behind him - essentially, he's the only person out there who, in addition to acknowledging they exist, actually advocates for economic policies that would benefit them. 

Of course, Bill Maher and John Oliver and The Atlantic and all those other shitrags out there can't see that. Instead, they'll just trot out their smug (and ironically racist) false narrative that Trump loyalists are voting for him 'cause they just can't stand them coloreds and Meskins - and my goodness, is it ever a sight to behold when that fabricated narrative blows up in their faces

What Trump symbolizes is the old Friedrich List national worker ideal, a truly colorblind society united in a shared belief that as one, we are an economic engine, and that the total success of that economic engine ensures a satisfying life for everyone who is willing to work hard to support it. And in today's political environs - where the millennial motto is "gimme, government, gimme" - such a notion rings so bizarre as to be unintelligible. 

But you know what? That weird ass idea worked for almost 100 years. Again, would it be implemented if Trump becomes president? Eh, probably not, but at this point, it doesn't look like we'll ever an entry point to bringing back the concept EVER again. Globalization is about to devour America whole, and Trump represents the American School of Economics' last stand. And with so much on the line, I'll gladly take a losing fight over no fight at all. 

Longtime IIIA readers know I don't vote, and that I hate politicians - every last one of 'em - with great vim and vigor. That said, if Trump continues to demonstrate himself as the ultimate champion of American economic nationalism, I might just have to go against my own scruples and at least mull pulling the lever for old Toupee Head this November.

Alike Batman, he may not be the President we want, but by golly, he's the President this formerly great country deserves. And hell, who knows - he might even be the one who, against all conceivable odds, really does save it


Monday, February 18, 2013

Pryde of the X-Men!

In 1989, a pilot episode was created for a never-to-be “X-Men” animated series. And even for a 1980s cartoon, it had a LOT of homo-racial subtext and child predator jokes…


If you grew up in the 1990s, you probably watched the animated “X-Men” show on Fox. Alongside “Batman: The Animated Series” and the still-kinda’-underappreciated mid-90s “Spider-Man” cartoon, it helped steer animated TV away from the hokey, merchandise-motivated aesthetics and narratives of the ‘80s and pushed the genre into unprecedented heights of legitimacy. The shows were intellectual, and well-scripted, and surprisingly “adult”-natured for children’s TV. Hell, the very first episode of the Fox “X-Men” show touched upon death, familial loyalty, cultural xenophobia and politicized oppression; kind of a leap from watching “Denver the Dinosaur,” no?

Well, in case you weren’t on the up and up, that Fox “X-show” wasn’t the first attempt at turning the franchise into an animated series. Back in the late ‘80s, Marvel and its TV associates created a pilot episode for a would-be “X-Men” series, and because nobody saw the implicit value of the franchise, it ended up being a one-time special. Stuck in purgatory for a while, the pilot episode, alongside a couple of “Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends” episodes with X-Men cameos, ended up getting re-released on VHS right around the time the Fox X-show was taking off.

I have some pretty fond recollections of the video cassette. Granted, the episode itself wasn’t all that great, but the experience itself was pretty memorable. Hey, remember those Scholastic book catalogs you used to get back in homeroom during elementary school? Well, they were carrying this thing on VHS, and since I was such an avid Marvel fan, I just HAD to pick up this mysterious, “new” X-Men cartoon. I ended up picking up a few “Spider-Man” tapes that way too, which were basically one-off “Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends” episodes. But, since those things were LOADED with some killer video game commercials - including one with a (for the time, anyway) dope-looking CGI Venom - I just felt as if I was in on something nobody else in town was. Admittedly, it’s a stupid reason for liking a forgotten piece of pop culture memorabilia, but hey - that’s what made being a kid in the 1990s so dadgum awesome, wasn’t it? Well, that, and Gak. Can’t forget about Gak, ever.

Still a better Peter Parker than Andrew Garfield, though.
As far as I’m concerned, the absolute best thing about the entire VHS tape is this opening PSA from the Video Software Dealers Association starring an actor dressed like Spider-Man encouraging viewers to vote. There’s so much meta-text and furtive political connotations here that I don’t even think a Jean Baudrillard could effectively dissect it. As a kid, I thought it was just awesome seeing a Spider-Man in live-action (for all you young Turks, I actually remember getting excited reading about James Cameron’s never-realized “Spider-Man” movie in Cinescape all the way back in 1994), but now that I’m watching this as an adult…well, I have more than a few questions about the agenda here. OK, so it’s a PSA, released in the early 1990s, about voting.  There’s nothing too unusual about that, I suppose, until you remember that this is an animated, 30 minute-long video intended for children. The first time I saw this thing, I was a good 10 years away form being able to register, so who exactly is this tape trying to target? The parents of the kids watching the tape? Maybe the high-school aged babysitters that put this thing on to quiet the rug rats? Hell, maybe there’s been a massive, neck-beard audience for this kind of stuff even prior to the Internet. Needless to say, it’s a beyond-bizarre public service announcement, even for the heyday of weird-o PSAs. And trust me…that’s saying something.

After that, we get a blue-screen copyright warning and a bumper for the video production company (I think, anyway.) And just 54 seconds into the tape, we’ve got ourselves 1980s crap-rock, “He-Man” laser sound effects and animated army men trying to escape from quicksand-trapped tanks. You best believe, this shit is on, and hard.


You know, nobody really expects solid lyrics in a late 1980s animated program jingle, but I have to say that the lyrics to this would-be show’s would-be theme song sounds particularly effortless. I really liked that verse about Magneto’s plans to “pillage and plunder,” which predate similar lyrics to the Captain Planet end-theme by at least two years. I also really like how the stanza is completed, with Bob Dylan-esque grace, with the narrator/singer claiming that the “team strikes like thunder.” Well, it was either that or use “wonder” or “chunder” to complete the couplet, I suppose.

The episode begins with a particularly melodramatic opening from Stan Lee (really, is there any other kind?), which does a pretty succinct job of setting the story for us. “Hey, there are mutants out there. Some are good, and some are bad. Here’s Magneto. Also, this entire cartoon may or may not be an allegory for racism/homophobia.”

So, Magneto is being transported out to somewhere in the desert by a military convoy. All of the voice actors are extremely throaty, and they keep reminding us that “mutants shouldn’t be allowed to live on earth with humans.” The White Queen uses her mental powers to make a bunch of troops think they’re melting, and Magneto is able to escape. A couple of million bonus points are doled out when instead of killing the shit out of the colonel that was berating him earlier, Magneto just drops him off in a sewage drain instead.

After that, we’re introduced to both Kitty Pryde and Professor X. Seeing no need to mask the fact that his schoolhouse is actually an underground training center for violent vigilantes, he lets the new recruit in on all of the ins and outs of being an X-Person. I really liked how right after telling her that he used a specialized, NASA-powered mind-reading device to find her, the first thing he shows her is a cavernous, virtual reality room filled with death traps. How exactly is the kind of overhead listed on the tuition bill, anyway?

"Meet your roommates, Kitty: a blue demon, Freddy Krueger and various people that can shoot laser death at things. Your parents ARE OK with this, right?"

From there, we’re introduced to the rest of the cast, whom are beating up a bunch of robots in a Mayan-like simulation (a metaphor for colonialism, perhaps?) There’s Cyclops, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Dazzler, Wolverine and Storm. Well, outside of Dazzler, that’s not really a bad line-up, at all.

One of the great recurring “gags” in the cartoon is that Nightcrawler has the hots for Kitty. Since Kitty isn’t exactly turned on be three-fingered devil Smurfs that canonically, smell like sulfur, she constantly has to use her “phasing” powers to ward off his advances. And then, you realize that Kitty is probably a high-school aged girl, and Nightcrawler has to be damn near thirty, and…well, yeah. As a bonus, having the ability to teleport probably helps him get out of a whole lot of “To Catch a Predator” appearances, though.

Literally every character on the team has a really pronounced accent. Storm, for all intents and purposes, sounds just like the Nubian-to-the-tenth-power-sounding voice actress that played the character on the Fox ‘90s show, and both Colossus and Nightcrawler speak with the expected Eastern European twang. Wolverine, however, has a hilariously offensive Australian accent, which makes him sound like a cross between Paul Hogan gargling and a bilabong tree getting thwacked by a jolly swagman.

The X-Men end up getting called on a false flag scare, which gives Juggernaut ample time to plow through the Xavier mansion. Magneto, for reasons that aren’t really clear, really wants the main circuit chip or something in Cerebro, and since Kitty forgets how to use her powers, she ends up forking it over the Master of Magnetism. Meanwhile, the X-Men wind up on some secret base, where The Blob and Pyro are holding an African-American family (ironically prejudiced against mutants themselves) hostage. Much homoeroticism follows.

Pictured: that "much homoeroticism" I promised earlier. 

So, following a quick skirmish, we find ourselves on Asteroid M, where Magneto and the Brotherhood of Terrorist Mutants (probably the most abrasive name for a non-profit organization I’ve ever heard) are plotting and scheming to enslave humanity. We also meet Toad, who is basically our comedic-relief, Gollum-esque sympathetic villain, which was required by law to be in every cartoon produced from 1970 to 1991. Back to the X-Mansion, where Storm uses her weather powers to clear up some debris. You know, I would really like to hear a quasi-scientific explanation for how she can manipulate conditions in the Earth’s atmospheres while completely indoors, kids.

All right, so check this shit. Magneto’s plan is to use Cerebro to turn himself into a mega-magnet, so he can take control of a comet and slam that sumbitch right into Earth, while he and his mutant cronies just kinda’ hang out in space,  wait awhile to return to Earth, and restart civilization. If you’re not seeing some parallels between this and the “Mother Wheel” prophesized by Louis Farrakhan, you probably need to hit up the cultural studies section at Books-A-Million more frequently.

A shouting match between Wolverine and Kitty Pryde reveals that the latest X-recruit is 14. So yeah, bang up job on all of that child endangerment shit, Charles. And so, the X-Men hop in their space place and don their space suits - how the hell they ended up getting NASA equipment, we’ll probably never find out - while Cyclops advises Storm to do totally impossible weather shit while they’re just hanging out in the vacuum of space. And, time for our boss run portion of the episode, as Dazzler holds off Pyro, Wolverine kung fus Toad, Colossus dukes it out with Juggernaut and Cyclops battles the White Queen. Eventually, it comes down to Nightcrawler and the Blob, with old Kurt using his teleportation powers to simply sneak past Magento’s blubbery protector.

Nightcrawler; a HUGE fan of Stanley Kubrick, apparently. 

And so, Kitty Pryde shows up and tackles Magneto, while Nightcrawler does some blue-looking stuff to re-shift the comet’s trajectory, or something like that. Magneto and the evil mutants evacuate, but Nightcrawler is forced to stay onboard until the comet collides into the asteroid (yeah, you read that right) and then he teleports at the very last second but, oh no! He’s falling into the earth’s atmosphere, where he will assuredly get disintegrated!

Then again, it’s not like the dude could just teleport himself safely into an air lock or anything. Oh wait, yeah, that’s the whole premise of the character. We get a full X-reunion, and Stan Lee sends us home with a promise of future adventures…that never happened. Oh well.

I’m not really sure who all the voiceover folks were. Outside of Frank Welker, I’ve never heard of any of these people. I’m sure some hardcore animation nerds are reading this, so if there’s anybody on the roster that’s accomplished anything of note since, please feel free to drop me a line.


According to the IMDB, the main writer of the episode, Larry Parr, wrote every single episode of every single cartoon made in the Reagan Years. Go ahead, look at his resume, and try to tell me otherwise. As for why the show was never picked up, I really can’t tell you. I guess it was mostly because animated TV was going through such an upheaval, with syndicated programming looking a lot less bankable than a Big 4 afternoon or Saturday morning slot.

Probably the biggest cultural import of the episode, of course, is the fact that it served as the inspiration for Konami’s legendary, six-person “X-Men” arcade cabinet. If I even have to begin explaining to you how awesome that thing was, you might as well take your iPod and jam it right down your esophagus now, you technologically-elite, snot-nosed Millenial waste of space.

In hindsight, I think it’s a pretty underwhelming one-off, and had it been given a go-ahead, I doubt much stuff of substance could have arisen. The animation was OK, but the voice acting was atrocious, and as far as scriptwriting went, it was horrifically by-the-numbers. Even so, it’s an interesting look at what could’ve been…although what could’ve been was nowhere near as awesome as what we actually ended up with. Is “Pryde of the X-Men” anything more than a brief curiosity piece? Eh, probably not, but it’s still kinda’ fun to soak up all of the Bush, Sr.-era cheese and clumsy attempts at social commentary. And hell, how can anybody hate anything that opens with Spider-Man telling you to go down to your local video store and ask for voting registration papers?