This Week's Episode:
"Paleface score heap points - a.k.a., let's all take a (Wounded) Knee"
By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX
It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including today's road game against Washington. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Sept. 24 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 3's Raiders vs. Redskins game, with the festivities beginning at 8 p.m. eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter)
3:33 PM - We're about five hours from kickoff, but I've got some free time so I'll just hurry up and lay out the pregame statistics.
3:34 PM - For the Raiders, safety Sean Smith is questionable. For the Redskins, safety Montae Nicholson, linebacker Mason Foster, running back Rob Kelley, tight end Jordan Reed and cornerback Josh Norman are all gametime decisions.
3:37 PPM - The Raiders are three point favorites and the under/over is set at 53.5. ESPN's Pro Football Index says the Raiders have a 50.8 percent chance of winning the game and there's a 0.4 percent chance of a tie.
3:39 PM - Heading into tonight's game Derek Carr has 5 TDs and 492 passing yards. Kirk Cousins has two TDs, 1 INT and 419 yards.
3:40 PM - Oakland's top rusher is Marshawn Lynch (121 yards, 1 TD) while Washington's most productive back is Rob Kelley (108 yards.) The Raiders' top receiver is Michael Crabtree (three touchdowns, 163 yards) and the Redskins' top receiver is Terrelle Pryor (97 yards) - who, as fate would have it, was the Raiders' starting QB just four seasons ago.
7:37 PM - Time for an update about an hour ahead of kickoff. Sean Smith has been upgraded to ACTIVE for tonight's game. Meanwhile, Jordan Reed and Rob Kelley have both been ruled inactive for the contest.
7:38 PM - And a few more numbers while we have the time. The Raiders are posting 246 passing yards a game and 144.5 rushing yards per game. For the Redskins the numbers are 209.5 yards passing per game and 146.5 yards rushing (but remember, they are without their best running back tonight.)
7:40 PM - And in terms of defense? The Raiders are allowing 211 passing yards per game and 110.5 yards rushing per game. The Redskins are allowing 277 yards passing per game and 77.5 yards per game rushing.
7:41 PM - Overall, the Raiders are putting up 35.5 points per game and allowing 18. The Redskins are putting up 22 per game and allowing 25.
7:51 PM - Now Donald Penn's talking shit about Donald Trump. Man, what a time to be alive; a world in which *standing* for a tribute to dead soldiers is considered "offensive."
8:29 PM - Derek Carr was the only Raider standing for the anthem. And even then, it looked more like he was praying than doing anything else.
8:30 PM - As it turns out, if the Raiders were to have stayed in the locker room, they would have been penalized 15 yards and forfeited the coin toss. And now Chris Collins is flapping his gums against Trump.
8:31 PM - Oh, that's right, we have an actual football game to accompany all this virtue signalling bullshit. Raiders get possession first at their own 25 following a touchback.
8:32 PM - Lynch runs it up the gut for about three.
8:32 PM - Second and 7. Monte Nicholson with an interception. That's Carr's first INT of the season.
8:33 PM - They're reviewing whether Nicholson got touched by Cooper after the INT. Apparently, he did, so that negates his runback.
8:34 PM - Still reviewing it. Alright, that puts the ball back 25 yards.
8:36 PM - At the WSH 33. Khalil Mack gobbles up the back after a short pick-up.
8:37 PM - Second and eight. Washington's rookie back gets a short gain.
8:37 PM - Third and six. Vernon Davis gets bounced out of bounds at the OAK 47. That's a 26-yard pass.
8:38 PM - The back gets hit right at the line.
8:39 PM - Second and 9. Crowder gets enough to move the chains.
8:39 PM - Samaje Perine runs it up the gut.
8:40 PM - Second and six. Perine gets hit right at the line.
8:40 PM - Third and five. And Thompson gallops in for a TD.
8:41 PM - The PAT is good. The Redskins lead it 7-0.
8:44 PM - That's going to be a touchback. Raiders get it back at their own 25.
8:45 PM - Lynch runs it for three.
8:46 PM - Second and seven. And Carr gets sacked.
8:46 PM - Third and 13. And Carr gets sacked AGAIN. Raiders have to punt.
8:50 PM - A five yard gain for Perine on first down.
8:51 PM - Cousins hit as he throws, but the tight end still makes the catch.
8:51 PM - Good pressure from Mario Edwards, Jr. Third and nine. A flag is down.
8:52 PM - False start against the offense. That's a five yard penalty against Washington.
8:53 PM - Crowder makes the catch but he's three yards shy of moving the sticks. Flags are down.
8:53 PM - Pass interference against the offense. The Raiders decline. Redskins have to punt.
8:54 PM - Richard goes down at the OAK 11.
8:56 PM - Patterson gets almost nine on the run.
8:56 PM - Second and two. Incomplete to Cook.
8:57 PM - Third and 2. And Lynch gets dropped well short of the first down marker.
8:58 PM - Raiders punt. The return man fair catches it at the WSH 19.
9:01 PM - Perine gets maybe a yard on the run.
9:02 PM - Yep, Perine is that kid from Oklahoma. Second and 8. Flags everywhere. It's offsides on the Redskins.
9:02 PM - Second and 13. Caught by Ryan Grant at the WSH 31.
9:03 PM - Conley got beat bad on that one. Cousins hit as he's thrown, but Pryor makes the catch.
9:03 PM - Second and three. Looks like Perine got hit by a loss.
9:04 PM - Third and six. The pass is too high. Redskins are forced to punt.
9:05 PM - Richard fair catches it at the OAK 22.
9:06 PM - Crabtree drops the pass.
9:06 PM - Second and 10. Lynch rumbles for about five.
9:07 PM - Third and five. And Amari Cooper hauls in the pass to give Carr his first completion of the game. But flags are down.
9:08 PM - It's a holding call against the Raiders. Time to scooch back ten yards.
9:09 PM - And that's the end of the quarter.
9:11 PM - Third and nine. And Cooper can't reel it in. Raiders must punt.
9:12 PM - The Redskins down it at their own 16.
9:13 PM - Davis scrambles for about seven. Flags are down.
9:14 PM - Holding against the Redskins. It's on Pryor.
9:15 PM - First and 20. Perine takes it for about 10.
9:15 PM - Second and 11. Thompson runs for about four.
9:15 PM - Third and three. So I guess that last run was longer than four yards. AND COUSINS GETS SACKED BY MACK!
9:16 PM - Richard gets wrapped up at the OAK 30.
9:20 PM - Cook takes a pass about eight, maybe nine yards.
9:21 PM - Neutral zone infraction against Washington. So the Raiders get an automatic first down.
9:21 PM - Lynch runs for about one yard.
9:21 PM - Second and nine. Lynch with about seven yards on a catch.
9:21 PM - Third and one. And Carr throws ANOTHER interception.
9:23 PM - Perine runs for about nine.
9:23 PM - The back gets about three yards on run.
9:24 PM - Grant runs enough for a first down.
9:24 PM - Perine runs for about eight.
9:25 PM - Pryor gets both feet in for a huge gain.
9:26 PM - Perine gets maybe a yard on the first down run.
9:26 PM - Davis with a short gain.
9:27 PM - Third and six. And Crowder gets enough to move the sticks.
9:27 PM - Perine takes it to the OAK 15.
9:28 PM - Second and six. Crowder hit right at the line.
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| Your pick: virtue signal or actually win fucking football games. |
9:29 PM - Third and nine. And there's Vernon Davis for the touchdown.
9:30 PM - The PAT is good. Redskins extend their lead to 14-0.
9:33 PM - Raiders take the touchback.
9:33 PM - Richard runs for about 11.
9:34 PM - Richard gets four on the catch.
9:34 PM - Richard hit for a huge loss on second and 6.
9:35 PM - Third and 13. Olawale is in the backfield. And there's the two minute warning.
9:38 PM - Third and 13. Seth Robert picks up the pass, but he's why short of the first down marker.
9;40 PM - Raiders punt again.
9:42 PM - Redskins take over at their own 15. Thompson with a 13-yard run.
9:43 PM - Thompson takes it up to midfield before being pushed out of bounds.
9:44 PM - That was a 23 yard gain. It's incomplete on second down.
9:44 PM - Thompson runs it up the gut for a short gain. The Skins take a timeout.
9:45 PM - Third and six. Looks like Davis is a yard shy. But the refs give Washington a good spot so it's a de facto first down.
9:46 PM - Now they're going to look at the spot of the ball.
9:48 PM - Now the refs are saying it's short. The clock has been rolled back to 39 seconds.
9:48 PM - Fourth and inches. The Skins take a delay of game penalty.
9:50 PM - Skins punt. TJ Carrie fair catches it inside the Raiders' 15.
9:51 PM - The Raiders just take a knee, and that's it for the first half.
9:52 PM - Well, this game has been an absolute disaster for the Raiders thus far. Derek Carr has been sacked twice, thrown two interceptions and recorded only five completions for 32 yards. Their run game isn't do much better, having accumulated just 24 yards of ground offense after two quarters of play.
9:53 PM - Meanwhile, Kirk Cousins has thrown two TDs and racked up 173 passing yards, while Perine alone has 11 more yards than Oakland's entire backfield.
9:53 PM - The Raiders REALLY have to get their shit together. But then again, this IS what happens when you spend all day trying to figure out the best way to symbolically say "Fuck Trump" instead of adequately preparing for the job you're paid to do.
10:08 PM - Raiders challenging whether or not Thompson was down seven yards earlier than the refs have ruled.
10:09 PM - And that's exactly what the refs declare. The ball goes back a couple.
10:10 PM - Perine runs up the middle for a few. Offense gets hit with a holding call.
10:11 PM - First and 20. Thompson goes nowhere.
10:11 PM - Second and 20. Thompson runs for about 15.
10:12 PM - Third and five. Yep, Thompson converts.
10:13 PM - And a rookie receiver just reeled in a 52-yard TD. FUCK THIS TEAM.
10:14 PM - The kick is good. Washington leads, 21-0.
10:16 PM - Carr is sacked. That's number three on the day.
10:18 PM - Lynch gets four yards on the run.
10:19 PM - And Carr is sacked AGAIN.
10:20 PM - Raiders punt. Crowder takes it to the OAK 40.
10:21 PM -Third and three for Washington. Amerson breaks up the pass.
10:25 PM - Well, at least the kicker fucked up the field goal. Still 21-0, Washington.
10:28 PM - Raiders take over around their own 40.
10:29 PM - Second and 10. Cook takes it to the OAK 48.
10:29 PM - Third and three. Roberts is hit behind the line.
10:30 PM - Raiders have to punt. Again.
10:30 PM - Thankfully, James Crowser (the white guy who looks like frat boy Thor) recovers Crowder's muffed punt.
10:31 PM - The Raiders take over at the WSH 20.
10:31 PM - And Lynch is hit WAY behind the line.
10:31 PM - Second and 13. Cook with what appears to be a touchdown haul. But a flag is down.
10:32 PM - It's holding against the Redskins. The Raiders, obviously, decline it and take the six points.
10:34 PM - Tavecchio's kick is good. It's 21-7, Washington.
10:37 PM - The Redskins take the touchback. Perine gets maybe a yard.
10:38 PM - Second and nine. The pass is incomplete.
10:38 PM - Third and nine. Cousins runs for a new set of downs. But an offensive holding takes it back.
10:39 PM - Third and 19 now. And Thompson takes it 74 yards to the OAK 10.
10:40 PM - Second and goal. Perine gets half the distance.
10:42 PM - Third down and goal. Crowder hit at the line.
10:43 PM - Redskins bring the field goal unit out.
10:43 PM - And the Skins let the clock run out. That's the end of the third.
10:46 PM - The kick is good. Washington leads, 24-7.
10:47 PM - Patterson takes it to the 22.
10:48 PM - Crabtree gets about seven on the catch.
10:48 PM - Second and three. Washington runs to move the sticks. Flags are down.
10:48 PM - Holding on the Raiders. That's a ten yard penalty.
10:49 PM - Third and 12. And Crabtree can't hold on to the deep shot.
10:51 PM - Raiders punt.
10:54 PM - Perine loses the ball at the 11, and the Raiders RECOVER. That was Cowser with his SECOND fumble recovery of the game.
10:55 PM - Also, it looks like Perine is hurt.
10:56 PM - Flags EVERYWHERE in the end zone.
10:56 PM - It's against Washington. That puts Raiders pretty much at the one yard line.
10:56 PM - Cook's pass is broken up.
10:57 PM - Second and goal. The end zone shot towards Patterson is broken up.
10:58 PM - Third and goal. Donald Penn falls down, so Carr just throws it away. Time for a field goal.
10:59 PM - The Italian makes it. It's 24-10, Redskins.
11:02 PM - Redskins takeover at their own 25. The new running back is Matt Brown, and he goes nowhere.
11:03 PM - Second and nine. Crowder takes it to about midfield.
11:03 PM - Thompson runs for about nine.
11:04 PM - The back goes up the gut for first down.
11:05 PM - Brown takes it to the OAK 20.
11:06 PM - Second and four. The back doesn't get far.
11:07 PM - Third and four. The Skins take a timeout.
11:11 PM - Third and four. Cousins scrambles, but he can't make it past the first down marker.
11:11 PM - Fourth and 2. The Redskins kick it through the uprights. It's 27-10, Washington.
11:15 PM - Almost intercepted on a bobbled pass.
11:16 PM - Patterson catches it along the sideline for a seven yard gain.
11:16 PM - Fourth and three. Carr runs and slides into the OAK 40.
11:18 PM - Washington with a three yard gain.
11:18 PM - Great, Michael Crabtree has some kind of chest injury. Second and 7. The pass to Roberts is no good. Flag down.
11:19 PM - It's against the Raiders. Second and 17. Walford barely gets past the line of scrimmage.
11:20 PM - Third and 18. He overthrows Cooper on a long shot.
11:21 PM - False start call against the Raiders.
11:21 PM - Fourth and 23. Roberts fumbles the ball away, and it's turnover on downs.
11:22 PM - There's the two minute warning.
11:31 PM - And that's the ball game. Our final score from Landover, Mary? Redskins 27, Raiders 10.
11:32 PM - Good job, you buncha' fucks. You really earned this one.
