Showing posts with label Week 10. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

2017 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings (Week 10!)

USA Today and the A.P. can take a hike - these are the only college football rankings anybody ought to care about.

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

Do you honestly respect the opinions of organizations like ESPN or USA Today to give it to you straight about college football? Of course you don't, which is where The Internet In America's 2017 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings come into play. Every Wednesday throughout the '17 season we'll post our own selections for the best teams in college football, complete with hilariously un-P.C. (yet surprisingly thorough) recaps of their last games as well as a brief preview of their upcoming contests. Plus, we're throwing in a whole bunch of animated GIFs you can steal and post elsewhere on the 'net, because we're cool like that. Simply put, you won't get better NCAA football analysis anywhere on the Internet - and if anybody else dare claims their rankings are more authoritative, you proudly have my permission to go to their corporate offices and take a big fat stankin' shat right on their doorsteps. And with all of that out of the way, who's ready to revisit the week that was in the best kind of football there is - the one with unpaid black people without due process in rape accusations?

#01

Alabama (9-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Mississippi State (Nov. 11)

Another week, and another instance of Alabama throttling an SEC West rival. This time around 'Bama beat up on LSU to the tune of 24-10, with QB Jalen Hurts taking it easy with 183 yards and one TD pass on 11 completions. Despite being outgained by the Tigers 151 yards to 116 on the ground, Alabama nonetheless managed to double LSU's rushing touchdown production with Bo Scarborough (39 yards and 11 carries) and Hurts (44 yards on 14 carries) each racking up a scrambling score apiece.

#02

Georgia (9-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Auburn (Nov. 11)

With their 24-10 win over South Carolina (plus a couple of other divisional teams losing), Georgia has officially claimed the SEC East crown, which means they're going to be going toe-to-toe with whoever wins the SEC West - and of course, whoever wins that might just find themselves cruising to the National Championship Playoffs. Jake Fromm (16 for 22, 196 yards and two touchdown passes) played well yet again, and Georgia's rushing attack positively crippled the Gamecocks - at the final horn, the Bulldogs outpaced them on the ground 242 yards to 43.

#03

Wisconsin (9-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Iowa (Nov. 11)

And just like that, the undefeated Badgers have gone from being a mere Big 10 Championship Game lame duck to a legitimate National Championship Playoffs contender. While everyone was aghast at Ohio State and Penn State choking, Wisconsin was just off doing what they've been doing all season long, as they outclassed Indiana 45-17. Jonathan Taylor might just be the most underrated running back in the country; his 183-yard, one-TD performance Saturday more than quadrupled the Hoosiers' entire backfield production.

#04

Miami (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Notre Dame (Nov. 11)

Despite lobbing three interceptions, Malik Rosier still managed to collect two TD passes and 193 yards off 10 completions in Miami's 28-10 win over Virginia Tech. He also collected 84 yards and another score running the ball 13 times, while back Travis Homer racked up 95 yards and one end zone visitation on 14 carries. Indeed, with 219 total rushing yards, the Hurricanes easily doubled the Hokies' ground production on the day.

#05

Central Florida (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. UConn (Nov. 11)

UCF almost got upset by SMU, but the Knights nonetheless managed to stave off the Methodists for a 31-24 win. McKenzie Milton had one of his worst games of the season, going 23 for 40 for one TD and two interceptions, but he STILL managed to rack up 412 aerial yards before it was all over and done with. Plus he scrambled for another 44 yards (and an extra TD), while UCF's top rusher Adrian Killins, Jr. killed it with 145 yards and two scores on 14 carries.

Uh, excessive force much? #HoLivesMatter.

#06

Notre Dame (8-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Miami (Nov. 11)

Wake Forest made a valiant comeback attempt, but Notre Dame managed to hold on for a 48-37 victory. Brandon Wimbush went 15 for 30 for 280 yards and one TD, but where he REALLY shined was running the ball. At the final horn, he managed to rush for 110 yards and two touchdowns on 12 carries - needless to say, it'll be very interesting to see if the Hurricanes can find a way to contain him this Saturday.

#07

Clemson (8-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Florida State (Nov. 11)

It was a close one, but the Tigers still managed to best N.C. State over the weekend 38-31. Kelly Bryant went 20 for 38 for 191 yards, one TD and one INT, plus another 88 yards - and two more touchdowns - running the ball. Equally impressive was back Tavien Fester, who finished the game with 105 yards and one end zone visit on seven carries. Not so impressive for Clemson, though? Their defense letting the Wolfpack torch 'em in the air for 338 yards and three passing touchdowns.

#08

Oklahoma (8-1)

Next Opponent: vs. TCU (Nov. 11)

Fuck, you think we might as well give Baker Mayfield the Heisman Trophy and call it a season? Well, after lobbing the rock for five touchdowns and 598 yards in the Sooners' 62-52 win over Oklahoma State, it's hard to imagine any player in college football posting a more impressive statistical performance. Still, you can't give Mayfield all the credit - somebody has to catch his tosses, and in this case, receiver Marquise Brown was the hero of the day; he walked out of Bedlam with an astounding 265 yards and two touchdowns on just nine receptions.

#09

Washington (8-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Stanford (Nov. 10)

The Huskies made short work of Oregon, roasting the Ducks 38-3 over the weekend. Jake Browning went 11 for 19 for 204 yards, two TD passes and one interception, with top receiver Dante Pettis racking up 87 yards and an end zone pilgrimage on just four hauls. Oddly enough, both the Huskies and the Ducks had the exact same rushing yards - the only difference being that Washington managed to collect two touchdowns running the ball, whereas - as evident by the final score - the Ducks just plain couldn't.

#10

TCU (8-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Oklahoma (Nov. 11)

A week after getting upset by Iowa State, the Horned Frogs returned to form with a 24-7 win over Texas. Strangely enough, TCU QB Kenny Hill had an uncharacteristically low-key day, finishing the contest 18 for 26 for 146 yards and no TD passes. Thankfully, TCU was able to absolutely dominate the run game; not only did they rack up 177 rushing yards and three touchdowns on the ground, the managed to hold the Longhorns' running backs to a downright retarded NINE yards on the day.

Fun fact: in the Oklahoma vernacular, there's no formal word for what we call "defense."

#11

Memphis (8-1)

Next Opponent: vs. SMU (Nov. 18)

Tigers' QB Riley Ferguson had a hell of a game in Memphis' 41-14 win over Tulsa. He finished up the contest 27 for 39 for 298 yards and four touchdown passes, with all four of 'em getting air mailed into the arms of separate receivers. But don't overlook the team's potent rushing attack, neither - particularly, back Darrell Henderson, who finished the outing with 123 yards on just 14 carries.

#12

South Florida (8-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Tulsa (Nov. 16)

At the beginning of the season, I was wondering if it was apropos to call Quinton Flowers a "poor man's Lamar Jackson." Well, considering how poorly Louisville has played this year, maybe we ought to start calling the Cardinals' star player a "poor man's Quinton Flowers." No surprise here, but the Bulls easily dispatch UConn over the weekend. Flowers' final stats? 385 yards and three touchdowns passing, 131 yards rushing; which, for those of you that ain't too good with the arithmetic, comes out to 516 total yards ... a sum 192 yards higher than ALL of Tulsa's offense combined.

#13

Toledo (8-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Ohio (Nov. 8)

Despite Logan Woodside pitching the rock for 361 yards, he amassed no TD passes in the Rockets' 27-17 win over Northern Illinois. The MVP for Toledo was undoubtedly back Terry Swanson, who finished the game with 116 yards and three touchdowns on 29 carries. Also performing well were receivers Diontae Johnson and Jordan Fisher, who wrapped up the contest with 166 yards and 102 yards, respectively.

#14

Michigan State (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Ohio State (Nov. 11)

And like that, the Spartans find themselves sitting atop the totem pole of the Big 10 East. In a game that was delayed more than three hours due to inclement weather, Brian Lewerke amassed 400 passing yards rallying the troops to a 27-24 upset win over Penn State. Moreover, Michigan State's defense came up big time, recorded three interceptions off Trace McSorely and holding Saquon Barkley to only 63 yards on the day.

#15

Auburn (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Georgia (Nov. 11)

Jarrett Stidham went 20 for 27 for 268 yards and three touchdown passes in Auburn's 42-27 win over Texas A&M. Regarding the ground game, the Tigers outran the Aggies 228 yards to 143 in the contest, with Kerryon Johnson leading the herd with 145 yards and one TD on 29 carries. Oh, and he reeled in a touchdown pass, too - you know, just for good measure.

And like that, J.T. Barrett goes from a first round NFL draft selection to maybe a Canadian Football League walk-on.

#16

Penn State (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Rutgers (Nov. 11)

And Penn State follows up their late fourth quarter collapse against the Buckeyes with an even worse one over the weekend. Yep, the old Nittany Stranger Dangers dropped a tough 'un to Michigan State - a devastating 27-24 loss in a game that was brought to a three-hour plus standstill 'cause of lightning strikes. The dynamic duo of Trace McSorely and Saquon Barkley both underperformed in the defeat - the former lobbed three interceptions, while the latter could only chalk up 63 yards on the ground.

#17

Ohio State (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Michigan State (Nov. 11)

Oh, the difference seven days can make. Two weeks ago, the Buckeyes had the National Championship in their eyes after coming from behind to beat Penn State in their home stadium. And then, on Saturday, they inexplicably got drubbed 55-24 by Iowa, in a game that saw J.T. Barrett lob four interceptions and the Buckeyes' D let the Hawkeyes' backfield outgain 'em 243 yards to 163. Granted, Ohio State ain't mathematically out of the Big 10 title hunt, but unless some of the teams in the top ten start chalking up multiple losses, that pretty much sticks a fork in THE Ohio State's playoff dreams.

#18

Oklahoma State (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Iowa State (Nov. 11)

Even Mason Randolph throwing the pigskin for five touchdowns and 448 yards wasn't enough offense to outpoint the Sooners last Saturday, as the Cowboys fell to Oklahoma 62-52. Similarly, even Justice Hill's remarkable 228 yard, two touchdown rushing day wasn't enough to close the gap. I guess we'll have to chalk up the Cowboys' loss to turnovers; Oklahoma did intercept Randolph twice, as well as jar the ball loose from his hands for a fumble recovery.

#19

Washington State (8-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Utah (Nov. 11)

Luke Falk may have had his best game of the year in Saturday's 24-21 win over Stanford. The Cougars' QB went 24 for 48 for 337 yards, three touchdown strikes and one interception, including an 11-yard zip to Jamire Calvin that gave 'em the go-ahead TD with 6:56 left in the fourth. Just one game behind PAC-12 leader Washington, the Cougars really aren't out of the conference championship race at this juncture; indeed, if they win their last two games of the season - both road tests against Utah and the Huskies - they would automatically qualify for the title game.

#20

USC (8-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Colorado (Nov. 11)

The Trojans topped the Wildcats 49-35 in a shootout, with Sam Darnold going 20 for 26 for 311 yards and a two-to-one TD-to-INT split. Ronald Jones had a career day against Arizona, chalking up 194 yards and three rushing touchdowns on 27 carries, as the combined USC backfield outran their foes 331 yards to 234.

Hey, if you're going to be on a team that ain't going nowhere important for New Year's, you might as well have some fun while you're there.

#21

Virginia Tech (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Georgia Tech (Nov. 11)

Josh Jackson had a day to forget in Virginia Tech's 28-10 loss to Miami. He went 20 for 32 for 197 yards, no touchdown passes and two interceptions - even though he did record one touchdown scrambling for 12 yards on 15 carries. Not that the rest of the Hokies' backfield did that much better; combined, they could only muster 102 yards on the ground, compared to the 219 rushing yards racked up by the Hurricanes.

#22

Michigan (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Maryland (Nov. 11)

Last week, the Wolverines were considered dead in the water. Well, after Penn State and Ohio State's upset losses over the weekend, Michigan finds itself suddenly relevant in the Big 10 conference title chase once again. Of course, one has to wonder if Michigan's anemic passing attack - which posted a paltry 56 yards in their 33-10 win over Minnesota Saturday - will keep 'em competitive with both Wisconsin and Ohio State rounding out their schedule.

#23

Mississippi State (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Alabama (Nov. 11)

The Bulldogs got past UMass on Saturday, but they didn't exactly set the college football world on fire with their performance. In the 34-23 win, Mississippi State QB Nick Fitzgerald went 14 for 25 for 139 yards, no touchdowns and two interceptions, though he did scramble for an impressive 135 yards and two rushing touchdowns. Thankfully, the Bulldogs were able to find other ways to put points on the scoreboard - including a 58-yard interception return for defender J.T. Gray and an 83-yard punt return courtesy of Deddrick Thomas.

#24

Boise State (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Colorado State (Nov. 11)

The Blue Turfers made short work of Nevada, blasting the Wolf Pack 41-14 over the weekend. While Brett Rypien had a pretty good day - he went 20 for 27 for 258 yards and two touchdowns - Boise State called upon its run game to get the bulk of its pointage. Alexander Mattison collected 64 yards and two touchdowns on 12 carries, while Ryan Wolpin hit enemy end zone once and finished the outing with 17 yards on five rushes.

#25

San Diego State (8-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Nevada (Nov. 18)

Well, SoCal metaphorically buttfucked NoCal over the weekend. The Aztecs absolutely creamed San Jose State Saturday in a 52-7 laugher that saw San Diego State's rushing attack combine for 554 yards and six touchdown runs, with Rashaad Penny wrapping up the game with 234 yards and three scores on 20 carries. And just to add insult to injury, SDSU reckoned holding SJSU to just 33 yards on the ground was a real knee-slapper. Unless some extremely fluky shit happens over the next three weeks, it's pretty much a given SDSU's going to be clashing with Boise State for the Mountain West Conference Championship - which gives the Aztecs a chance to avenge a 31-14 loss from mid-October.

2017 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings (Week 9)

USA Today and the A.P. can take a hike - these are the only college football rankings anybody ought to care about.

#01

Alabama (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. LSU (Nov. 4)

College football's 800 pound, hound's tooth-clad gorilla took week eight off and returns this Saturday for a pivotal SEC West clash against LSU. It hasn't been much of a rivalry as of late, with Bama winning the last five games in the regular season series. In fact, LSU hasn't won in Tuscaloosa since 2011; whatever the outcome, let's just hope this upcoming game results in considerably more points than that field goal-tastic affair.

#02

Georgia (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. South Carolina (Nov. 4)

An absolutely Falcons-esque collapse not withstanding, the Bulldogs' 42-7 rectal demolition of Florida pretty much hands them the SEC East crown. As has been the case all season long, Georgia's run game was practically unstoppable in the one-sided drubbing. In total, the backfield combined for 292 yards and four touchdowns on the ground, with top back Sony Michel finishing the game with 137 yards and two touchdowns on six carries.

#03

Wisconsin (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Indiana (Nov. 4)

The other, other, OTHER, OTHER, OTHER Big 10 powerhouse remains undefeated following a facile 24-10 win over Illinois. The Badgers wound up collecting three touchdowns and 168 yards on the ground in the victory, with leading rusher Jonathan Taylor finishing the game with 73 yards on 12 carries. With four games left on their schedule, the Badgers only have to win two more to guarantee themselves a slot in the Big Ten Championship Game - and considering those four teams are Indiana, Iowa, Michigan and Minnesota, methinks the likelihood of an undefeated regular season isn't out of the question.

#04

Miami (7-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Virginia Tech (Nov. 4)

The Hurricanes remain in pole position of the ACC following their 24-19 win over UNC. Malik Rosier tossed three touchdown passes (plus an INT) en route to collecting 356 yards on 16 completions, with top receiver Jeff Thomas hauling in three catches for an impressive 101 yards. Alas, these next two weeks are going to be brutal for Miami: with two back-to-back homestands against Virginia Tech and Notre Dame, this team's undefeated status may not be long for this world.

#05

Central Florida (7-0)

Next Opponent: vs. SMU (Nov. 4)

UCF bested Austin Peay (fun fact: their nickname is "The Governors" and their mascot looks gayer than actual gay porn) by 40 points over the weekend, positively creaming their adversaries 73-33 in a game that saw the Knights' backfield combine for five touchdowns while QB McKenzie Milton lobbed three touchdown passes and finished the day 24 for 26 for 275 yards. Assuming they can get past South Florida in the final week of the regular season, there's a very strong chance this team finishes 11-0; stay tuned folks, 'cause all it takes is a couple of major upsets over the next few weeks and we might have ourselves a major playoffs dilemma on our hands.

Like Wu Tang, J.T. Barrett does it for the children.

#06

Ohio State (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Iowa (Nov. 4)

Well, looks like J.T. Barrett just earned himself a free blowjob anywhere in the Columbus, Ohio metropolitan-statistical-area for the remainder of his life. Down 35-20 heading into the fourth quarter, the Buckeyes managed to rally with J.T. lobbing three unanswered touchdowns in the final 15 minutes of the game, including the game-clinching 16-yard zonker to Marcus Baugh to give OSU the come-from-behind 39-38 victory. The win puts the Buckeyes in the driver's seat of the Big Ten East, and pending they can get past Iowa, Michigan State, Illinois and Michigan over the next four weeks, practically welds them into the Big Ten Championship Game.

#07

Notre Dame (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Wake Forest (Nov. 4)

The Irish controlled the tempo from the outset in their 35-14 win over N.C. State. Notre Dame QB Brandon Wimbush finished the game 10 for 19 for 104 yards and two touchdown passes, while top back Josh Adams mulched up the field for 202 yards and one rushing TD on 27 carries. In all, Notre Dame managed to muster 318 yards running the ball, while their defense held the Wolfpack to a meager 50 yards on the ground.

#08

Penn State (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Michigan State (Nov. 4)

Despite jumping out to an early 21-3 lead, the Nittany Diddlers pretty much collapsed in the fourth quarter, allowing the Buckeyes to post 21 (technically) unanswered points en route to a season-shifting 39-38 win. Perhaps the bulk of the loss should be blamed on Penn State's lackluster ground production; after all, they could only post 91 yards running the ball, while their D allowed Ohio State to collect 201 rushing yards like it was no thang. Oh, and the same holds true for the aerial yardage, too. The final count? Penn State had 192 passing, while Ohio State finished the game with 328.

#09

Clemson (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. N.C. State (Nov. 4)

The Tigers prevailed over Georgia Tech in a rain-soaked Saturday night affair, besting the Yellow Jackets 24-10. Kelly Bryant went 22 for 33 for 207 yards and two touchdown passes and scrambled for an extra 67 yards on 12 carries. And defensively, Clemson all but shut down Tech's passing attack; at the final horn, GT finished the outing with an absurdly low 32 aerial yards.

#10

Oklahoma (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Oklahoma State (Nov. 4)

Baker Mayfield had another great showing in the Sooners' 49-27 win over Texas Tech. The probable Heisman Candidate went 22 for 34 for 281 yards, four touchdown passes and one interception, and he even managed to chalk up another 20 yards (and another TD) running the ball. Of course, the defense still looked like shit (especially when it came to covering the pass) seeing as how Oklahoma's porous secondary allowed Nic Shimonek to collect 322 yards and four passing touchdowns.

Looks like somebody forget to tell Marv this isn't a flag football game.

#11

Washington (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Oregon (Nov. 4)

The Huskies' rushing attack is DEFINITELY what gave them the edge over UCLA in their 44-23 win. While Washington QB Jake Browning only had 98 passing yards (and one INT) on the day, the backfield bailed him out big time, with Myles Gaskin and Lavon Coleman combining for 263 yards and four touchdowns on the ground. And the defense, to give 'em a little bit of credit, also played well, holding the Bruins to 170 yards passing and only 62 rushing.

#12

Oklahoma State (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Oklahoma (Nov. 4)

While Mason Rudolph (20 for 34 for 216 yards, three touchdowns and one interception) had a good day, the decisive factor in the Cowboys' 50-39 win over West Virginia was definitely its run game. In total, Oklahoma State outran the Mountaineers 246 yards to 62, with top backs J.D. King and Justice Hill tag teaming for 228 yards and three scores on the ground. And the secondary, despite allowing West Virginia 285 aerial yards, did its job, I suppose, seeing as how they intercepted Will Grier four times.

#13

TCU (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Texas (Nov. 4)

Well, the Horned Frogs' playoffs aspirations just took a big hit. In a turnover-filled game, TCU dropped a 14-7 heartbreaker to upset specialists Iowa State, as Kenny Hill could only go 12 for 25 for 135 yards, no touchdowns and two interceptions. Hell, not even TCU's run game (which outpaced Iowa State 172 yards to 53) could bail 'em out - but I recon that's what happens when your two best backs combine for 175 yards on the day, but not once do they whiff end zone.

#14

Virginia Tech (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Miami (Nov. 4)

The Hokies really didn't do a whole lot, statistically-speaking, in their 24-3 beatdown of Duke Saturday. Quarterback Josh Jackson finished the game 13 for 27 for 200 yards and one touchdown, while the rushing attack (led by DeShawn McClease, with 75 yards and one TD on 15 carries), ultimately outpaced the Blue Devils 187 yards to 101. The passing defense, though, looked pretty good, holding Duke QB Daniel Jones to just 82 yards, an interception and no touchdowns on the day.

#15

South Florida (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. UConn (Nov. 4)

And now, the Bulls know what defeat tastes like. Despite going 23 for 38 for 325 yards, South Florida QB Quinton Flowers couldn't lob a single touchdown in the team's 28-24 loss to Houston, which can probably best be attributed to the vivid rushing game discrepancies. Granted, the Bulls did collect three touchdowns on the ground, but they could only cover 137 yards in the process; meanwhile, Houston racked up just as many rushing touchdowns, but did so while accumulating 255 yards - including D'Erik King's 20 yard game-winning saunter with just 11 seconds left in the fourth quarter.

In case you ever wondered how crappy Tulane's rush defense is ... well, there you have it.

#16

Memphis (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Tulsa (Nov. 3)

Memphis made short work of Tulane, throttling the Green Wave 56-26 over the weekend. Riley Ferguson finished the game 18 for 31 for 298 yards, three touchdown passes and one interception, while the Tigers backfield - led by Darrell Henderson, with 112 yards and one end zone visit on 11 carries - ultimately outpaced Tulane 259 yards to 123 on the ground. With Tulsa, East Carolina and SMU remaining on their schedule, it seems very likely that Memphis will run the table and secure a spot in the AAC Championship Game - which also means that a rematch against a UCF team that beat them 40-13 in late September could be in the cards.

#17

Toledo (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Northern Illinois (Nov. 2)

The MAC-best Toledo Rockets continue to roll, drubbing Ball State 58-17 over the weekend. Logan "My Real Name IS My Porno Name" Woodside went 8 for 17 for 267 yards and three touchdown passes in the affair, while top rusher Terry Swanson finished the game with 105 yards and one end zone visit on 11 touches. In total, the Rockets collected 335 yards and four touchdowns on the ground, eclipsing Ball State's rushing production by 131 yards and two scores.

#18

Iowa State (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. West Virginia (Nov. 4)

Hell, we might as well start referring to Iowa State QB Kyle Kempt as "Spike Dudley," since this motherfucker keeps killing Big 12 giants. Just weeks after bumping Oklahoma off the attendance sheets of the unbeaten, the Cyclones did it again Saturday, besting TCU 14-7 in a major, major upset. With this team, TCU, Oklahoma and Oklahoma State all tied 4-1 in conference games heading into week 10, the battle for the Big 12 crown is going to be a war of attrition, no doubt - and as scrappy as these motherfuckers are, definitely don't count them out of the running.

#19

Auburn (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Texas A&M (Nov. 4)

The Tigers took a breather over the weekend, but they'll be back this Saturday to go toe-to-toe with the Aggies. After that, it's do or die time for Auburn, as they'll have three consecutive home stands, with a Louisiana-Monroe laugher serving as the meat between a tough as fuck Georgia and Alabama sandwich.

#20

LSU (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Alabama (Nov. 4)

Louisiana State likewise took the weekend off and they'll be back this Saturday for a crucial, National Playoffs-shaping, prime time tilt against Alabama. It only gets marginally easier for the Tigers from there, with their remaining schedule consisting of two home stands against Arkansas and Texas A&M with a penultimate road trip to Tennessee wedged in-between.

Only in the PAC-12 can you be a four-loss team and still have a 50-50 chance of making the conference championship ...

#21

Stanford (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Washington State (Nov. 4)

It was a close one, but the always singular Cardinal nonetheless pulled out the 15-14 win over Oregon State. Still, Stanford's stats weren't exactly the most impressive numbers you'll ever see. Keller Chryst went 16 for 33 for 141 yards and a one-to-one TD-to-INT split, while the entire Stanford backfield (led by Cameron Scarlett, with 72 yards on 17 carries) could only collect 82 yards on the day.

#22

Arizona (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. USC (Nov. 4)

The run game was the key to the Wildcats' 58-37 victory over Washington State Saturday. While the Cougars could only put up a puny 44 yards on the ground, Arizona managed to collect 310 rushing yards and four touchdown runs, with top backs J.J. Taylor (152 yards, two touchdowns) and Khalil Tate (146 yards, one touchdown) leading the herd. Oh, and by the way, that Khalil Tate guy is also Arizona's quarterback - he finished the outing 10 for 17 for 275 yards and two touchdowns (plus one interception, but come on, who's counting?)

#23

N.C. State (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Clemson (Nov. 4)

Well, the Wolfpack sure as hell got their bells rung by the Irish. In a brutal 35-14 loss, N.C. State QB Ryan Finley went 17 for 37 for 213 yards and a one-to-one TD-to-INT ratio, while Reggie Gallaspy could only collect 47 rushing yards on 11 carries. And the less said about that awful rush defense - which allowed Notre Dame more than 300 yards on the ground - the better.

#24

Washington State (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Stanford (Nov. 4)

After going 13 for 23 for 93 yards and one touchdown, Cougars QB Luke Falk got benched in favor of Tyler Hilinski - who then proceeded to go 45 for 61 for 509 yards, two touchdowns and four interceptions. Alas, those NFL Blitz numbers were for naught, as Washington State still lost to Arizona 58-37. Huh - you think that paltry 44-yard rushing day (and the defense allowing Arizona to rack up 310 on the ground) might have something to do with that?

#25

USC (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Arizona (Nov. 4)

At this point in the season, the Trojans' playoffs chances are about as likely as the odds of the Cleveland Browns winning the Super Bowl. Still, playing for pride (and probably a New Year's bowl game in Pasadena), USC looked sharp dispatching Arizona State 48-17 over the weekend. Sam Darnold and Ronald Jones continue to provide one of college football's most explosive QB-RB duos - the former finished last Saturday night's outing with 266 yards and three touchdown passes, while the latter wrapped up the game with 216 rushing yards and two end zone visits.

2016 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings (Week Nine!)

Tell the Associated Press to take a hike ... these are the only college pigskin rankings you ought to pay any attention to.

By: Jimbo X

JimboXAmerican@gmail.com

@Jimbo__X

This Week's Episode:

"Anarchy Reigns Supreme"

The A.P.? The USA Today's Coaches Poll? Whatever jibber-jabber is being puked out over at ESPN and Bleacher Report? Puh-leeze, we all know those alleged "Top 25" countdowns are pathetic jokes penned by homers, Power Five loyalists and Notre Dame nuthuggers. That's why I decided to release my own weekly rundown of the best FBS college football squads in the States, completely devoid of all the usual fanboyism and corporate malarkey that makes lists of the like elsewhere so unbelievably annoying.

Throughout the regular season, a new installment will go up every Wednesday morning, so you may want to bookmark this sucker for future reference ... and to show to all of your fellow NCAA football lovin' chums, so they can know that - at least somewhere out in the tangled, endlessly frustrating World Wide Web - there's someone on the Internet with some goddamn horse sense when it comes to ranking college 'ball teams.

Alabama (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. LSU (Nov. 5)

The Crimson Tide took a brief respite from kicking everybody's ass last weekend and now, they've got a HUGE SEC clash against LSU scheduled for this Saturday. No that you really need me to tell you this, but the team is doing pretty well, stats-wise. Averaging 498 yards per game, Alabama is the 16th ranked offense in the country - allowing just 275 yard per game, they are the nation's fourth best defense, numerically.

Michigan (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Maryland (Nov. 5)

Despite the 32-23 score, I assure you the Wolverines' win over Michigan State was never really that close. While Wilton Speights' stats won't wow anybody (16 for 25 for 244 yards, no TDs and one INT), the Wolverines run game found ways to get 'er done when he couldn't - at the final horn, Michigan had collected 192 total rushing yards, complete with three touchdowns on the ground.

Clemson (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Syracuse (Nov. 5)

It was a hella' close game, but the Tigers - as champions always do - nonetheless managed to find a way to win a super-duper tight contest against Florida State. In the thrilling 37-34 win over the Seminoles, Deshaun Watson went 27 for 43 for 378 yards and a 2-to-2 TD-to-INT ratio. If you're looking for an MVP, I'd cast my ballot for receiver Jordan Leggett, who concluded the game with 122 yards and a solo TD on just five catches.

Washington (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. California (Nov. 5)

The Huskies prevailed 31-24 in a game that very well could serve as a preview of the PAC-12 Championship Game. In the victory over Utah, it was Dante Pettis who played hero of the day for Washington; with just 3:25 left to play in the fourth, he took a punt 58 yards to the house to break the 24-24 deadlock and, ultimately, single-handedly (or is that single-footedly?) give his team the ball game.

Western Michigan (8-0)

Next Opponent: vs. Ball State (Nov. 1)

Odds are, the Western Michigan Broncos would get the living mule shit beat out of them if they played any of the other top 25 teams, but by proxy of being one of only five unbeatens left in college football, I reckon they are worthy of placement this high based on sheer entropy value alone. That said, you really can't scoff at their stats: putting up 501 yards per game, they have Division I ball's 14th ranked offense and their defense - averaging 353 yards allowed per game - ranks 26th.

Louisville (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Boston College (Nov. 5)

The Cavaliers (the ones without Lebron) put up a hell of a fight, but the Cardinals nonetheless managed to put away Virginia 32-25 in a WAY closer contest than expected. Lamar Jackson's retard stats continue, with the Heisman lock collecting 361 passing yards and four touchdowns on 24 completions (with another 88 yards rushing on 17 carries.)

Ohio State (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Nebraska (Nov. 5)

Just one week after an upset loss to Penn State, the Buckeyes almost got their asses bitten off by yet another underdog last Saturday. Alas, Ohio State did manage to outlast Northwestern 24-20, thanks in no small part to a stellar rushing attack that put up 208 yards and three touchdowns on the ground (with Mike Weber leading the herd with 87 yards and two scores on 14 carries.)

Florida (6-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Arkansas (Nov. 5)

The "World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" wasn't much of a shindig this year. The Gators, as expected, chewed through Georgia like a wad of taffy, with Florida's defense propelling them to a 24-10 win. Although Florida only posted 100 rushing yards, they did manage to get two touchdowns on the ground - which is certainly more than you can say for the Bulldogs, who finished the game with just 21 yards on 19 carries.

Texas A&M (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs.Mississippi State (Nov. 5)

Nope, there was not much drama in the Aggies' 52-10 win over New Mexico State. Quarterback Trevor Knight went 15 for 24 for 204 yards and two TD passes while A&M's running back corps chalked up 233 yards and two more end zone excursions on the ground. Hell, they even got an opportunity to show off their special teams skill when Christian Kirk returned a punt 73 yards to paydirt.

Baylor (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. TCU (Nov. 5)

The Golden Bears fell from the ranks of the unbeaten thanks to a late field goal hooked by Texas' kicker Saturday, dropping a heartbreaker to the Longhorns 35-34. Up until then, it had been a virtually defense-less, back and forth affair, with Baylor accumulating almost 400 total rushing yards - with Seth Russell (who also thew the ball for 226 yards and two TDs on just 14 completions) running the ball for 138 yards and a solo end zone excursion.

West Virginia (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Kansas (Nov. 5)

Well, looks like the wheels finally came off the Mountaineers' bandwagon, as West Virginia got bested by Oklahoma State 37-20. While the Mountaineers' run game more than doubled the Cowboys' rushing production, WVU just couldn't find a solution for Mason Rudolph, who wound up tossing three touchdowns for 273 yards.

Boise State (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. San Jose State (Nov. 4)

And with the weekend's loss to Wyoming, it's pretty much a given that whatever slim National Championship hopes Boise State had have all but vanished. The razor thin 30-28 loss is especially heartbreaking for Broncos QB Brett Rypien, who went 22 for 35 for 295 passing yards - some pretty solid numbers, indeed, even though none of those passes resulted to touchdowns.

Nebraska (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Ohio State (Nov. 5)

With a 23-17 overtime loss to Wisconsin, the Cornhuskers are officially removed from the ranks of the Division I unbeaten. All in all, it was a pretty lackluster showing from Nebraska, with QB Tommy Armstrong lobbing two interceptions and finishing the game with just 153 passing yards, while Wisconsin's run game outyarded their own 223 rushing yards to 152.

San Diego State (7-1)

Next Opponent: vs. Hawaii (Nov. 5)

The Aztecs walloped Utah State good, pounding the Aggies 40-13 in a game that wasn't even close to being, well ... close. Despite SDSU only passing the ball for 14 yards (no, that isn't a typo), their run game certainly moved the ball when their pass-resistant offense couldn't. At the final horn, the Aztecs had wrapped up 400 total rushing yards, with back overall NCAA rushing leader Donnel Pumphrey leading the charge with 223 yards on 32 carries.

Troy (6-1)

Next Opponent: vs. UMass (Nov. 5)

The other Trojans are playing a lot better than the more famous Trojans in Southern Cal these days, for sure. One-loss Troy, averaging 472 yards per game, has Division I ball's 28th best offense, with their defense, allowing 377 yards per game, ranked 43rd overall.

Wisconsin (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Northwestern (Nov. 5)

The Badgers got a big win over the weekend, bumping off the formerly undefeated Cornhuskers 23-17 in overtime play. While Wisconsin's passing numbers weren't too much to crow about, their run game did look quite impressive, registering 223 total yards and two touchdowns, with back Dare Ogunbowale posting 120 yards and a solo TD on only 11 carries.

Auburn (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Vanderbilt (Nov. 5)

The red hot Tigers pretty much steamrolled the Rebels, as Auburn knocked off Ole Miss 40-29. Sure, Chad Kelly may have thrown the ball for 459 yards and three touchdowns, but the Tigers' potent rushing attack neutralized their aerial defense deficiencies, outyarding the Rebs 307 to 105 on the ground. A name you may want to remember? Auburn back Kamryn Pettway, who racked up an astounding 236 yards on 30 carries.

LSU (5-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Alabama (Nov. 5)

To say that this Saturday's home stand in Death Valley against Alabama is a big 'un is kinda like calling the Ebola virus just another cold. Indeed, with an upset win here, the Tigers wouldn't just turn the national playoffs picture into pure anarchy over the course of an afternoon, they very well could find themselves - with a LOT of luck - somehow sneaking their way into the SEC championship.

Utah (7-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Arizona State (Nov. 10)

The Utes put up a valiant fight, but they still came up short in a 31-24 loss to Washington. Still, the dynamic tandem of Troy and Joe Williams played quite well in the losing effort. Troy (he's the QB) wrapped up the contest with 163 yards and two touchdowns on 14 completions while Joe (he's the halfback) collected 172 yards plus a solo TD on 35 carries.

Penn State (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Iowa (Nov. 5)

Penn State blew out Purdue 62-24 Saturday, in a game that saw the Nittany Lions rushing attack chalk up 257 yards and five touchdowns, with back Saquon Barkley leading the charge with 207 yards and two touchdowns on 18 carries. And QB Trace McSorely didn't have a bad day neither, as he finished the contest with 228 passing yards and three TD strikes.

Oklahoma (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Iowa State (Nov. 3)

The Sooners positively demolished Kansas, murder-death-killing the Jayhawks 56-3. In the gloriously one-sided drubbing, Oklahoma QB Baker Mayfield lobbed the pigskin for 236 yards and four touchdowns on just 16 completions, while the Sooners run game outproduced Kansas 267 yards to 49. And with a couple of more flukey losses for Baylor and WVU, is Bob Stoops and company on the verge of stealing away the Big 12?

Virginia Tech (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Duke (Nov. 5)

The Hokies just barely got past the Panthers last Saturday, but hey, a win is still a win, ain't it? In Virginia Tech's 39-36 victory over Pittsburgh, Jerod Evans lobbed the rock for 406 yards and two touchdowns, with no less than three different receivers collecting in excess of 100 yards on the day.

North Carolina (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Georgia Tech (Nov. 5)

The Powder Blue has looked really, really good at times this season and really, really bad at others. Regardless, the team has been quite competitive in all of their match-ups; they probably won't be in ACC Championship contention, but a few more quality wins might set them up nicely for a slightly bigger than average bowl game later this year - maybe even one in 2017, pending enough things go right for 'em

Colorado (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. UCLA (Nov. 3)

There are fugly-assed games, and then there is Colorado's 10-5 win over Stanford. No, that isn't in a baseball game, it was the final fucking tally from last weekend's PAC-12 showdown. And with that win over the singular Cardinal, the Buffaloes find themselves sitting atop their division - meaning, yes, if it was title time tomorrow, it would be Washington and Colorado duking it out for the conference championship. Yep, this year, folks. This year.

Wyoming (6-2)

Next Opponent: vs. Utah State (Nov. 5)

And with an upset win over the formerly undefeated Boise State Broncos, the Wyoming Cowboys find themselves charting on our countdown for the very first time this season. Quarterback Josh Allen certainly had a hell of a game against the Blue Turfers - he wound up dropping 274 yards of aerial offense on Boise State, hooking up for three touchdowns on 18 completions, with receiver Jacob Hollister doing his part to officially kill the Broncos unrealistic expectations via 144 yards and two touchdowns on six receptions.

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2017 NCAA Football Top 25 Rankings (Week 9)

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