2017 NFL Power Rankings (Week 2!)

ESPN and Sports Illustrated can eat shit - these are the only pro football rankings anybody needs.

By: Jimbo X

JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

This Week's Episode:

"Your defense is offensive"

THE ELITES

#01

Oakland Raiders (2-0)

Season Point Differential: +35

Ten years ago, the hopeless, hapless and helpless Raiders drafted Jamarcus Russell, setting into motion a cap space nightmare made flesh that insured they would be hardly anything more than perennial AFC West bottom-feeders for the better part of a decade. Well, a mere three years after picking up Derek Carr, Khalil Mack and Gabe Jackson in the 2014 draft, the Raiders have transformed into quite possibly the most explosive offensive threat in pro football - as evident by the team's 45-20 mangling of the New York Jets last Sunday. Powered by veteran ball carrier Marshawn Lynch, the Raiders are just as explosive running the ball as they are throwing it, as indicative of Jalen Richard and Cordarrelle Patterson (who is actually a slot receiver by position) each breaking off 40-yard plus TD runs against N.Y. If this defense (in particular, the secondary) improves, this team could become a MAJOR postseason player - if not an outright dynasty in waiting.

#02

Baltimore Ravens (2-0)

Season Point Differential: +34

There's nothing flashy about the no-name offense of the Ravens, but they're certainly getting the job done. In Baltimore's 24-10 win over Cleveland, Joe Flacco went 25 for 34 for 217 yards and 2 TDs (plus an INT), with Javorius Allen (5 receptions, 35 yards) and Jeremy Maclin (four receptions, 31 yards) each reeling in TD passes. Still, as solid as the team's rushing defense may be (they held Isaiah "Kill All Cops" Crowell to just 37 yards on the day), their pass defense seems fairly suspect; I mean, did these guys REALLY let DeShone Kizer and Kevin Hogan tag team 'em for 300 yards? Another reason for the Baltimore hype train to be awfully cautious: Pro Bowl lineman Marshal Yanda is officially out for the remainder of the season.

#03

Denver Broncos (2-0)

Season Point Differential: +30

In yet another sign that the biblical Apocalypse is nigh, Denver QB Trevor Siemian (231 yards, 22 completions) threw four touchdown passes in his team's 42-17 rectal execution of the Cowboys last Sunday. The run games of the two teams couldn't have been any more divergent; while Dallas struggled to rack up 40 yards on 14 carries, the Broncos easily accumulated 178 yards on the ground, with top producer C.J. Anderson racking up 118 yards and one end zone visit on 25 carries.

#04

Detroit Lions (2-0)

Season Point Differential: +26

After Monday night's game, you'd be hard-pressed to find anybody who thinks Matt Stafford isn't worth his record contract dollars. Going 15 for 21 for 122 yards and two scores, Stafford led the Lions to a facile 24-10 victory over the G-Men, with Detroit's defense holding New York to just 62 yards rushing  ... and sacking Eli Manning's ass five times for a net loss of 31 yards.

#05

Carolina Panthers (2-0)

Season Point Differential: +26

It wasn't pretty, but Cam Newton and company nonetheless managed to pull out the 9-3 win against Buffalo over the weekend. Both teams were held to less than 200 yards passing and neither squad could reach triple digits in terms of rushing yards; alas, the Panthers got within field goal range more times than the Bills, and that was the big decider in the ball game. Perhaps the biggest takeaway from the game, of course, is the injury to Pro Bowler Greg Olsen, whose broken leg is going to keep him out of action for the next two-to-three months.

#06

Kansas City Chiefs (2-0)

Season Point Differential: +22

Kareem Hunt's outstanding rookie year continues. In the Chiefs' 27-20 win over the Eagles, the first-year pro out of Toledo collected 81 yards and two touchdowns on 13 carries, and he currently leads the League in total rushing yards. Alas, after a 400-yard-plus performance against New England on opening night, Alex Smith's numbers looked a little more, well, Alex Smith-like; KC's QB finished the game with a more down-to-earth 251 yards and one TD pass on 21 completions.

#07

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-0)

Season Point Differential:+22

Well, there's no hurricane rust on the Bucs. In their 29-7 beatdown of Chicago, Jameis Winston went 18 for 30 for one TD, with Mike Evans leading the receiving corps with 93 yards on seven receptions. Alas, as good as the Bucs' run defense was (they held the Bears to an absurd 20 yards on the ground), they also let the Bears get way more aerial yardage than they probably should've; thankfully, the Bears were more than happy to turn the ball over four times so their foes had ample opportunities to capitalize on Mike Glennon's fuck-ups. 

#08

Pittsburgh Steelers (2-0)

Season Point Differential:+20

The Steelers had no problem surmounting the Vikings in a facile 26-9 home victory. Big Ben went 23 for 35 for two touchdowns, with top receiver Martavis Bryant hauling in three passes for 91 yards and one trip to the end zone. Le'Veon Bell had a pretty good showing, collecting 87 yards but no scores on 27 touches, and the defense looked tremendous, too, holding Case Keenum to just 167 yards passing on 20 completions and Dalvin Cook to just 64 yards on 12 carries.

He may not stand for the flag, but at least he knows how to get down to the beat.

THE PLAYOFF HOPEFULS

#09

Atlanta Falcons (2-0)

Season Point Differential: +17

Don't let the 34-23 final score fool you - the Falcons/Packers shindig last Sunday night was never that close. Indeed, in the opening of the third quarter a fumble returned for a touchdown gave Atlanta a 31-7 lead, and everything Green Bay posted afterwards was the definition of garbage time pointage. Matt Ryan had an alright showing (19 for 28 for 252 yards for one TD), but the hero of the day for Atlanta was definitely back Devonta Freeman, who finished the contest with 84 yards and two touchdown trips on 19 touches.

#10

Miami Dolphins (1-0)

Season Point Differential: +2

The Dolphins just barely eked out a win against the Chargers in their first game of the season in L.A., with an errant kick from the recently displaced powder blue jerseys giving Miami the 19-17 victory. Jay Cutler went 24 for 30 for 230 yards and one passing TD, while Jay Ajayi looked just as good as he did last season, accumulating 122 yards on 28 carries. Still, that passing defense is just the worst; at the final horn, the Fins allowed Phillip Rivers to complete 31 of 39 passes for 331 yards and one score.

#11

Los Angeles Rams (1-1)

Season Point Differential: +30

After destroying the Colts 46-9 in week one, the Rams followed suit by dropping a 27-20 loss to Washington. Stats-wise, there isn't much to talk about; Jared Goff was just sorta' OK with 224 yards and a 1-to-1 TD-to-INT ratio on 15 completions while Todd Gurley looked fairly solid carrying the pigskin 16 times for 88 yards and one score. The team's rush defense, however, was downright putrid, allowing the Redskins to rack up 229 yards and two touchdowns on the ground. 

#12

Tennessee Titans (1-1)

Season Point Differential: +11

After a ten-point loss to the Raiders in week one, the Titans rebounded in a big way by besting divisional foes Jacksonville by a whopping 21 points. The pass and run game both clicked for Tennessee; Marcus Mariota finished the affair 15 for 27 for 215 yards and a 1-to-1 TD-to-INT ratio, while Derrick Henry led the backfield's combined 179-yard, three touchdown day with 92 yards and one TD on 14 touches.

#13

Philadelphia Eagles (1-1)

Season Point Differential: +6

Even though the Eagles lost 27-20 to the Chiefs last Sunday, there's still plenty of positives for Philly fans to take away from the game. For one, Carson Wentz posted great numbers again, going 25 for 46 for 333 yards and two touchdown passes - that, in addition to the extra 55 yards he picked up scrambling. And Philly's defense looked pretty solid, sacking KC'S Alex Smith four times for a cumulative 19-yard loss. Alas, Philly's offensive line looked equally terrible, allowing Chiefs' defenders to drop Wentz six times for a net yardage loss of 34.

#14

Buffalo Bills (1-1)

Season Point Differential: +3

In the Bills' 9-3 loss to Carolina, only kicker Stephen Hauschka could net any points for Buffalo. Perhaps the low-scoring affair was inevitable; after all, averaging 234.5 yards per game, Buffalo currently has the League's second stingiest defense ... behind Carolina, of course, who leads the Leage with 196.5 yards allowed per game.

#15

New England Patriots (1-1)

Season Point Differential: +1

Well, Tom Brady decided to be Tom Brady again last Sunday. Following a shocking 15-point loss to the Chiefs at home on opening night, the Pats took out their frustrations on the figuratively-but-might-as-well-be-literally-defenseless Saints, walloping Drew Brees and amigos 36-20. Brady led the League in passing yards in week two, accumulating 447 yards and three touchdowns on 30 completions, with Gronk leading New England's receivers with 116 yards and one touchdown on six catches.

#16

Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1)

Season Point Differential: +1

After a dominant 22 point victory over the Texans in week one, the Jaguars quickly reverted to form and got their asses waxed 37-16 by the Titans last Sunday. Blake Bortles went 20 for 34 for 223 yards, one TD and one INT, with Allen Hurns leading the Jags' receivers with 82 yards and a score on six receptions. After topping 100 yards in his regular season NFL debut, Leonard Fournette was far less impressive in week two; he got a touchdown, but he only recorded 40 yards on 14 carries.

Yeah, like anybody expects a segment literally sponsored by Gilllette to be anything other than a Tom Brady dick-suck-a-thon.

THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK

#17

Green Bay Packers (1-1)

Season Point Differential: -3

Down at one juncture by two dozen points, there's not a lot that can assuage the Green Bay faithful following their prime time 34-23 loss to the Falcons. Granted, Aaron Rodgers had decent stats (33 for 50 for 343 yards, two touchdowns and one INT), and Davante Adams and Ty Montgomery both looked solid with 75-yards-plus and one TD haul a piece. But what the hell happened to the run game? The Packers sputtered out on the ground, racking up just 59 yards on 19 carries, while letting their adversaries chalk up 141 on 27 carries.

#18

Seattle Seahawks (1-1)

Season Point Differential: -5

With seven minutes and some change left in the fourth quarter, Russell Wilson connected with Paul Richardson on a nine yard pass to give the Seahawks a 12-9 victory over divisional foes San Fran. Even in victory, Wilson chalked up one of his worst performances ever under center for Seattle; he finished the game 23 for 39 for 198 yards, got sacked three times and had four of his passes deflected by 49ers defenders.

#19

Washington Redskins (1-1)

Season Point Differential: -6

Kirk Cousins' 11-yard zip to Ryan Grant with less than two minutes in the fourth was the game winner for the Redskins, who bested the Rams 27-20 at the L.A. Colosseum. Washington's run game definitely helped out the sluggish passing attack; while Cousins could only accumulate 179 yards in the air, the combined Redskins backfield was able to rack up 229 on the ground, with backs Rob Kelley (12 carries, 78 yards, one score) and Chris Thompson (3 carries, 77 yards and two touchdowns) leading the charge.

#20

Minnesota Vikings (1-1)

Season Point Differential: -7

The Vikings offense just couldn't get started against the Steelers. In the 26-9 road loss, Case Keenum had just 146 yards on the day after factoring in the two times he got sacked for negative 21 yards, while Pittsburgh's defenders recorded six deflections and hit the QB seven times. The lone positive out of the experience? Kicker Kai Forbath looked pretty solid, knocking three field goals to give Minnesota their only points on the board all afternoon long.

#21

Dallas Cowboys (1-1)

Season Point Differential: -9

Just one week after throttling the Giants, the Cowboys themselves wound up getting strangulated by the Denver Broncos in a pitiful 42-17 ass thrashing. Dak Prescott went 30 for 50 for 238 yards, two touchdowns and two INTs, while Ezekiel Elliot wrapped up the game with an atrocious eight yards on nine carries. At least Jason Witten got you some fantasy points, though; he completed the game with 97 yards and a touchdown on ten receptions.

#22

Arizona Cardinals (1-1)

Season Point Differential: -9

With 12 minutes left in the fourth quarter, the Cards were down 13-3. About five minutes later, Carson Palmer would hit J.J. Nelson for a 45-yard TD strike, and barely four minutes after that Phil Dawson would boot the game-tying field goal. Seven minutes into O.T. Dawson would knock another one through the uprights to give Arizona the hard-fought, extra-innings victory; if you listen very, very closely, you can still hear the residents of Indianapolis cursing their television sets. 

#23

Houston Texans (1-1)

Season Point Differential: -18

Deshaun Watson may not have had any TD throws in his 15 for 24, 125 yard passing day against the Bengals last Thursday night, but he at least managed to put points on the board with a 49-yard rushing TD. Beyond that, there really isn't much to celebrate concerning Houston's 13-9 win over Cincinnati. Well, except for maybe the DeAndre Hopkins' 73-yard, seven reception day, but at that point, we'd really be stretching it.

#24

Los Angeles Chargers (0-2)

Season Point Differential: -5

Yeah, I know it's going to sound like a backhanded compliment, but the Chargers really are the best winless team in the NFL. Indeed, both of their losses have been by three points or less, and in each outing the team was undone by a last second special teams snafu. That's not to say there aren't some major problems with their run game, though. The Chargers - who now play in a soccer stadium that can barely hold 30,000 people - only put up 44 yards on the ground last Sunday, while allowing the Dolphins to rack up 111.

No, a half-starved Somalian teenager didn't steal Hue Jackson's wardrobe; that's actually what the quarterback for the Cleveland Browns looks like.

ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE DRAFT

#25

Cleveland Browns (0-2)

Season Point Differential: -17

After a shockingly close loss to the Steelers in week one, the Browns quickly reverted to standard operating procedure with a 24-10 loss to the Ravens last Sunday. Quarterback play from both DeShone Kizer and Kevin Hogan were downright atrocious, with the former going 15 for 31 for 182 yards, zero scores and THREE interceptions and the latter going 5 for 11 for 118 yards, one garbage time TD and one INT. To put that in perspective, their COMBINED QBR of 60.6 was still 14.2 points lower than that of Baltimore's Joe Flacco. 

#26

San Francisco 49ers (0-2)

Season Point Differential: -23

49ers quarterback Brian Hoyer may have had the worst day of any QB thus far in the NFL season when his team got bested by Seattle over the weekend. In the 12-9 loss, Hoyer had a grand total of just 99 passing yards on the day, which you might as well roll back to just 89 because he got sacked twice for minus ten yards. And if that wasn't bad enough, he also lobbed an interception, had five passes deflected and got hit ten times by Seattle defenders. Well, I guess at this point, it's not like Colin K. would be any WORSE of an option at QB, would it?

#27

Cincinnati Bengals (0-2)

Season Point Differential: -26

In the Bengals' 13-9 Thursday night loss to the Texans, Andy Dalton went 20 for 35 for 224 yards and no touchdowns. He got sacked three times, was hit five times and had five passes deflected. Meanwhile, the team's backfield combined for a lowly 82 rushing yards on 24 carries, and some players for Cincinnati are already clamoring for the Red Rifle to get benched in favor of Colin "Fuck White People" Kaepernick. Considering they're traveling to Green Bay on Sunday, one can only hope the revitalized Bungles have plenty of guffaws in store for us over the weekend.

#28

New Orleans Saints (0-2)

Season Point Differential: -28

The more things change, the more they stay the same, especially if you're talking about New Orleans' porous defense. In their 36-20 loss to the Patriots, the Saints gave up 555 yards of total offense; just two games into the 2017 campaign, and New Orleans has already allowed their opponents to rack up 1,025 yards. Averaging 388.5 passing yards alone per game, these Saints are on pace to break the League record for most yardage given up in a single season - by almost 1,000 additional yards!

#29

Chicago Bears (0-2)

Season Point Differential: -30

After a stellar showing in week 1's surprisingly close game against Atlanta, the Bears got shellacked 29-7 by Tampa Bay over the weekend. Mike Glennon had 301 yards on 31 completions, with a one-to-two TD-to-INT ratio (with one resulting in a pick six for Robert McClain) while Jordan Howard was held to an ABSURD seven yards rushing on nine carries. Oh, and their only points came in the form of a pointless TD with less than two minutes left in the game - when they were already down by 29 points.

#30

New York Giants

Season Point Differential: -30

The G-Men are just two games into the season and they're already in total implosion mode. They followed up their demoralizing loss to the Cowboys in week one with an equally demoralizing 24-10 loss to the Lions on Monday night, one in which Eli Manning went 22 for 32 for 239 yards and one-to-one TD-to-INT ratio. Even worse, the Giants' rushing game was practically rudderless; at the final horn, New York's backfield could only produce 62 yards worth of ground-based offense - and yet, they're still only the second worst pro football team playing home game at MetLife Stadium!

#031

New York Jets (0-2)

Season Point Differential: -34

The jets on 9/11 fared better than the Jets last Sunday, as they got waylaid by the Raiders 45-20. Josh McCown had 166 yards and two touchdowns (both tosses to Jermaine Kearse, who finished the game with 64 yards on four receptions) but he also got sacked four times for a net loss of 21 yards. And defensively, this team couldn't do shit; they let Derek Carr (23 for 28, 230 yards) connect with Michael Crabtree (six receptions, 80 yards) for three touchdowns, and their defenders didn't even hit the Raiders' QB once.  Factor in two costly turnovers which immediately led to Raiders' touchdowns and you have what might just be the most holistically dreadful performance of the fledgling NFL season thus far. 

#032

Indianapolis Colts (0-2)

Season Point Differential: -40

In the 2011 season, some accused the Colts of intentionally losing games on purpose so they could "Suck for Luck" and pick up the highly touted QB as the first selection in the NFL draft.Well, today, the Colts are running an entirely different campaign, "Suck without Luck," as they dropped a 16-13 overtime heartbreaker to Arizona. Ex-Pat Jacoby Brissett wasn't much of a factor in the game; going 20 for 37 for 216 yards, he had no touchdown passes or runs and was sacked four times for a cumulative loss of 26 yards. But on the bright side? At least they managed to hold Chris Johnson to 44 yards rushing on the day. Tis a pity they couldn't stop Carson Palmer's old ass from dropping 332 yards on them in the air, though ...

Read More

2016 NFL Power Rankings - Week Three!

ESPN and Sports Illustrated can eat it - these are the only pro football power rankings anybody needs.

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@Jimbo__X

This Week's Episode:

"2005 called ... they want their power rankings back"

THE ELITES

01

Philadelphia Eagles (3-0)

Season Point Differential: +65

Remember last week, when we asked the great philosophical question "are the Eagles actually worth a shit or did they look better than they actually are because they were playing certified turds like the Browns and the Bears?" Well, after drubbing a team considered by many analysts and experts to be a lock for the AFC Championship game by 31 points, you know, I reckon this here Eagles team might actually be a legitimately great professional football team. Anchored by North Dakota State standout Carson Wentz (who still hasn't lobbed an INT as a NFLer), the Eagles collected 301 receiving yards in their mind-breaking 34-3 slaughter of the Steelers, with Darren Sproles - motherfucking Darren Sproles! - apparently being reanimated from the grave to rack up 128 yards and a solo TD saunter. Factor in barn burning back Wendell Smallwood (79 yards and a TD run on 17 carries) and an ungodly great rush defense that held PIT to an insanely low 29 yards of offense, and folks ... we might just have a redux of the 1999 Rams on our hands. 

02
New England Patriots (3-0)
Season Point Differential: +36

It honestly doesn't make any sense. Arguably the greatest QB in NFL history gets benched for the first four games, and what does his back-up do? Oh, he only comes in and mops the floor with the team many analysts predicted to be a NFC Championship contender, following up the next week with a pummeling of a divisional rival in which the team he was commanding jumped out to a 24-3 lead around halftime. So he gets injured, the third string quarterback comes in, and what doe she do? Naturally, he puts on an even more amazing performance, propelling the Patriots to a bookie-enriching 27-0 shutout of the Texans - considered by many to be one of the best defensive units in all of pro football - last Thursday night. Granted, super-talented back LaGarrette Blount (105 yards and two TDS on 24 carries) had a lot to do with the Pats picking up the W, but still ... nothing short of some kind of Faustian bargain explains how a team THIS injury/suspension hampered continues to fucking dominate the League with their leading receiving just one injury away from having to fill in as quarterback. 

03
Denver Broncos (3-0)
Season Point Differential: +27

Trevor Siemian is definitely playing a lot better for the Broncos than Peyton Manning did last year. In Denver's 29-17 win over the Bengals, Siemian lobbed four touchdown passes and collected 312 yards on 23 completions, while Emmanuel Sanders and Demaryius Thomas combined for 217 receiving yards and three touchdown catches. Alas, if you are looking for a weak spot, the run game is definitely it. The Broncos could only post 52 yards of ground offense (with no scores) in last Sunday's win, while their D allowed the Bengals to collect 143 yards and two rushing touchdowns. 

04
Minnesota Vikings (3-0)
Season Point Differential: +24

Lotsa' fluky things happened in the Vikes 22-10 win over the defending NFC Champions, ranging from a first quarter safety to a 54-yard Marcus Sherels punt return early in the second quarter. Though Sam Bradford's play was consistent (171 yards and a TD pass on 18 completions), it was, strangely, Minnesota's defense which was more responsible for the W than anything else, with the 2016 Purple People Eaters intercepting Cam Newton three times and sacking him on no less than EIGHT separate occasions, for a cumulative loss of 64 yards. 

05

Kansas City Chiefs (2-1)
Season Point Differential: +20

While Alex Smith didn't really do a whole lot on offense (he finished the game with just one TD pass and 237 yards on 25 completions), the Chiefs defense definitely succeeded where the O faltered. Half of the points put up by K.C. in the contest were derived from defensive TDs, including a 27-yard fumble return by Demetrius Harris and a 55-yard pick six courtesy of Derrick Johnson. Oh, and speaking of interceptions, care to to take a wild guess just how many times the Chiefs picked off Ryan Fitzpatrick in the game? If you said "are you sure this guy isn't special ed or something?", you sir, would be as right as a 90 degree angle.

06

Dallas Cowboys (2-1)
Season Point Differential: +17

The run game certainly did most of the heavy lifting in Dallas' 31-17 win over Chicago last Sunday evening. On a combined 49 rushes, the Cowboys posted 199 yards and three touchdowns, with rookie sensation/probable woman beater Ezekiel Elliot finishing the game with 140 yards on 37 carries. As impressive as Big D's offense may have been, you really can't be too happy if you are Cowboys fan looking at that defense. Prey tell, how in the bluest of hells does a modern NFL team let Brian Hoyer throw for 317 yards in a regular season game? 

07

Arizona Cardinals (1-2)
Season Point Differential: +16

The beautiful thing about pro football is that, as the old aphorism goes, anything can happen once Sunday rolls around. Stats, empirical wisdom, the basic theorems of physics ... all useless asides. And few games demonstrate that whole mid-1990s WWF "anything can happen" mentality quite like Arizona's "say whut?" 33-18 loss to the lowly Buffalo Bills. Well, actually, quite a few things would explain the loss - like Carson Palmer lobbing four interceptions, the Cards only putting up 88 yards of rushing offense while letting the Bills post 208 and - the biggie - the team as a whole seemingly forgetting the forward pass exists and refusing to air it out against Buffalo's notoriously porous pass defense. The only question now is, is this game little more than an early season aberration, or are the Cards slowly but surely sauntering their way towards implosion?

08

Seattle Seahawks (2-1)
Season Point Differential: +15

After a slow start, the Seahawks are finally starting to look like the team we all thought they were going to be. In a 37-18 win over the San Francisco America Haters, receivers Doug Baldwin and Jimmy Graham both collected 100 plus yards on the day, while running back Christine "I'm Not A Woman" Michael carried the rock for 106 yards and two touchdowns. Alas, even in victory the 'Hawks still found a way to lose: multi-millionaire star QB Russell Wilson left the game with an MCL sprain, which could keep him off the field for this weekend's meeting with the Jets. 

THE PLAYOFF HOPEFULS

09
San Diego Chargers (1-2)
Season Point Differential: +14

Granted, you may want to write off their blowout win over the Jaguars, but the Chargers have remained excruciatingly close in its two losses (the latest, of course, being their 26-22 defeat at the hands of the Indianapolis Colts.) They might not always come out on top, but with Philip Rivers lobbing the rock consistently for 300 yards every game, they are nonetheless a team that's going to remain competitive down to the wire. That they are managing to do so with such an insanely long string of player injuries makes their surprisingly solid play all the more remarkable. 

10

Baltimore Ravens (3-0)
Season Point Differential: +13

In a razor thin 19-17 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars, Joe Flacco recorded the only Baltimore touchdown of the game ( a seven-yard scrambler) early in the first quarter. From there on out, it was all field goals, as the Ravens' D held off a late surge from the win-less pussycats of northern Florida. Factoring in sacks, Baltimore limited the Jags to just 168 yards passing, and only 48 yards rushing. 

11

Atlanta Falcons (2-1)
Season Point Differential: +13

With their 45-32 Monday night win over the Saints, the Falcons now sit atop the NFC South. Matt Ryan was solid in the prime time clash (he went 20 for 30 for 240 yards and two TD passes), while the run game absolutely gutted New Orleans as Devonta Freeman collected 152 yards and Tevin Coleman ran it in for three touchdowns. But about allowing Drew Brees to throw for 376 yards and three touchdowns, though...

12

Green Bay Packers (2-1)
Season Point Differential: +08

Don't let the 34-27 final score fool you - the game was never that close. Indeed, the Pack had already jumped out to a 31-10 lead over the Lions at halftime, and everything else was halfhearted defense going through the motions to preserve the facile "W." Oh, and Aaron Rodgers appears to be back, ya'll - weep tears a plenty for the fantasy footballers who didn't start him for some stupid ass reason, 'cause he finished the game with 205 yards and four touchdowns on just 15 completions. 

13

Carolina Panthers (1-2)
Season Point Differential: +06

Woo howdy, Cam Newton had a day to forget last Sunday, as his squad fell to the Vikings, 22-10. In a game overshadowed by rioting in the city streets of Charlotte and rumors that Black Lives Matter protesters were going to invade the game like Bane in The Dark Knight Rises, the Panthers' QB played like utter and complete cat shit, finishing the game with 262 yards, no TD passes and three interceptions. And oh yeah, he also got sacked a mind-breaking eight times over the course of the game, because nothing says "incredible irony" like watching an outspoken black athlete have his clock cleaned by a bunch of guys wearing Aryan warrior cartoon decals on the side of their heads. 

14

Buffalo Bills (1-2)
Season Point Differential: +03

And one week after firing their offensive coordinator, of course the Buffalo Bills defense would improve drastically. In a game that pretty much ensured an entire generation of bookie children would go to really nice colleges, the Bills upset the much ballyhooed Cardinals 33-18. While T-Mobile didn't do shit in the game when it comes to aerial offense (seriously, once you factor in the sacks, he only threw the ball for a meager 89 yards), the Bills run game did all the work for him, ultimately collecting 208 yards and three touchdowns on the ground. And how about some words of praise for that Bills' D, which sacked the Golden Ginger four times and sacked his ass not once, not twice but FIVE times?

15

New York Giants (2-1)
Season Point Differential: +02

Sometimes, tough losses just kinda' happen, and last Sunday, one of them definitely happened to the Giants. In a close 29-27 loss, Eli Manning had 350 passing yards, but only one of his 25 completions resulted in a touchdown. Even worse, two of them wound up in the open arms of Redskins' defenders, including a late fourth quarter INT that put the final nail in the coffin of the Giants' comeback aspirations. 

16

Oakland Raiders (2-1)
Season Point Differential: +01

After giving up 500 yards in each of their first two games of the season, the Oakland Raiders FINALLY decided to play some defensive ball in their 17-10 win over the Tennessee Titans. Up 17-3 at halftime, Oakland pretty much coasted, letting its very well-paid secondary do their part to preserve the W. Still, they allowed way more rushing yards than they should have, letting DeMarco Murray - yes, that DeMarco Murray - collect 114 yards and the Titans only score of the afternoon. (And as always, if you'd like to relive the game, moment-by-moment, through my eyes, you can point your mouse clicker right here.) 

THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK

17
Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1)
Season Point Differential: -01

The Steelers pretty much turtled up in their 34-3 thrashing at the hands of the suddenly resurgent Philadelphia Eagles. Big Ben had no touchdown passes, one INT and got sacked four times for a cumulative loss of 34 yards in the losing effort, while DeAngelo Williams could only muster a measly 21 yards throughout the contest. Antonio Brown (140 yards on 12 receptions) still looked good, but considering PIT got outyarded 426 to 251, now is a good time to start asking some serious questions about the many, many gaps in this team's defense.

18
Miami Dolphins (1-2)
Season Point Differential: -03

And the Fins finally get a win in 2016, but it was far from an easy victory. It took Miami overtime to best the very, very bad Browns 30-24, and Ryan Tannehill's play (319 yards, three touchdowns and two interceptions) was the definition of the term "mixed bag." Jarvis Landry did look pretty good though, reeling in seven catches for 120 total yards and one visit to the end zone. 

19
Detroit Lions (1-2)
Season Point Differential: -04

It's yet another classic "good news, bad news" situation for the Lions. The good news is, Matt Stafford threw the ball for 385 yards and got three touchdowns against the Packers last Sunday. The bad news is, the Lions run game was held to 50 yards and the defense couldn't do shit to stop A-Rod from lobbing four TD passes of his own. And oh yeah, they also lost the game, too, to the oh so close yet far tune of 34-27.

20
San Francisco 49ers (1-2)
Season Point Differential: -10

The 49ers took a respite from literally spitting in the faces of the brave men and women in uniform of this country just long enough to get their asses kicked by the Seahawks 37-18. THE BLAINE GABBERT played poorly (119 yards, no TDs and an INT on 14 completions), but not poor enough to bring in Colin KKKapernick off the bench, which at this point, must be perfectly terraformed to his contractually guaranteed $61 million dollar ass cheeks. On the positive side for the 49ers faithful, however, Carlos Hyde did put in another good showing, collecting 103 rushing yards and two touchdowns on 21 carries. 

21

Houston Texans (2-1)
Season Point Differential: -11

If you are still trying to wrap your head around how the Texans could lose 27-0 to a Patriots team being quarterbacked by some guy named "Brisket" at home, join the rest of America. I'm not quite sure what fully explains Houston's abysmal performance last Thursday, but the team's inability to stop the Pats' run was definitely a major factor. Well, that, and Brock O. only being able to chalk up 175 passing yards (after sacks). And especially the run game only putting up 107 yards, with no end zone visitations whatsoever. 

22

Indianapolis Colts (1-2)
Season Point Differential: -14

And Indy finally gets a win, in the form of a come-from behind 26-22 victory against the scrappy San Diego Chargers. Andrew Luck went 24 for 37 in his 331 yard day, while Frank Gore posted 82 yards and one rushing TD. And as for the Colts' D? Well, they may have held the snake bit Chargers to only 37 yards rushing, but their secondary collapsed against the pass, allowing Philip Rivers to throw the ball for 330 yards. 

23

Tennessee Titans (1-2)
Season Point Differential: -15

The Titans may have well have put Marcus Mariota's face on the back of a milk carton, because he was nowhere to be seen in the team's 17-10 home loss to the Raiders last Sunday. At the final horn, he had 214 passing yards, no touchdowns and two interceptions lobbed into the arms of Raiders defenders Sean Smith and Reggie Nelson. And - no surprise here - there own D did precious little to prevent Derek Carr from tossing the pigskin for 249 yards. 

24

New York Jets (1-2)
Season Point Differential: -16

Interception.

Interception.

Interception.

Interception.

Interception.

...interception. 

ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE DRAFT

25
Los Angeles Rams (2-1)
Season Point Differential: -17

The Rams took out the Bucs 37-32 last Sunday in a heavily delayed game (bunch a pussies - back in my day, football players looked forward to dodging lightning strikes.) Case Keenum went 14 for 26, with two touchdowns, one INT and 190 total passing yards, while Todd Gurley churned into enemy end zone twice in his 27-carry, 85-rushing yard day. Alas, the Rams still haven't gotten the fundamentals of defensive play down quite yet: after all, they did let Jameis Winston throw for 405 yards and three touchdowns, didn't they?

26
New Orleans Saints (0-3)
Season Point Differential: -17

Unfortunately, the mawkish magic of exploiting Hurricane Katrina ten years down the road did precious little for the Saints, who fell 45-32 to the Falcons last Monday night. While Drew Brees posted very Drew Brees like numbers (three TD passes and 376 yards, to be exact), the defense absolutely shit the bed when it came to stopping the Falcons run; at the final horn, the Falcons posted 210 rushing yards, with Tevin Coleman alone recording three touchdowns on the ground. 

27
Cincinnati Bengals (1-2)
Season Point Differential: -19

The wobbly wheels of the Bengals' bandwagon are starting to shake loose way earlier than expected. While the run game looked pretty solid, that was more or less the only bright spot for Cincinnati in their 29-17 loss to the Broncos last Sunday. Andy Dalton was especially underwhelming, concluding the game with no touchdown passes, one interception and a grand total of just 189 aerial yards, once you factor in the four times he got sacked by Denver defenders. 

28
Washington Redskins (1-2)
Season Point Differential: -24

Somebody call the estate of Michael Jackson, because the Redskins' 29-27 win against the Giants was the epitome of a thriller. Kirk Cousins put on his best game in ages, finishing the contest with 296 yards and two TDs on 21 completions. Sure, the defense generally sucked and allowed Eli Manning the opportunity to lob the rock for 350 yards, but the Skins' secondary showed up when it counted - especially defenders Su'a Cravens and Quinton Debar, who each reeled in game-shifting interceptions launched by the only Manning still in pro football. 

29
Cleveland Browns (0-3)
Season Point Differential: -30

It's almost like the Browns are intentionally trying to find the most heartbreaking ways to lose games now. After letting the Ravens bounce back from a 20-2 deficit in week two, the Browns last Sunday dropped a close one in O.T. to the Dolphins, with back Jay Ajayi plunging the dagger into Cleveland's ribcage via a game-clinching 11-yard TD run. That said, it was kind of a historic game, for those of you who actually watched it, as it featured former Raiders QB Terrell Pryor, at various points in the game, playing quarterback, wide receiver and safety. 

30
Jacksonville Jaguars (0-3)
Season Point Differential: -30

The Jags gave it a valiant effort, but their late charge still wasn't enough to come out on top in a back and forth 19-17 loss to the Ravens. All in all, Blake Bortles had a pretty shitty day. He finished the contest with 194 yards on 24 completions, with a 2:3 TD-to-INT ratio. Making matters worse, he also got sacked four times, resulting in a good 26 yards of lost real estate for the fumbling, bumbling Jags. 

31

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-2)
Season Point Differential: -31

You really can't blame Jameis Winston for Tampa Bay's 37-32 loss to the Rams. The dude had more than 400 yards passing, with three aerial touchdowns. So who do you blame? Well, the defense - which let Todd Gurley sneak past them twice and allowed Case Keenum to hit Tavon Austin and Brian Quick for short TD strikes - would be my go-to scapegoat. 

32
Chicago Bears (0-3)
Season Point Differential: -38

Yep, the Bears are winless three games into the new NFL season and things probably won't be looking up anytime soon. In their latest loss, the Bears fell 31-17 to the "no Romo" Cowboys, and even a surprisingly decent showing from back up QB Brian Hoyer (317 yards and two touchdowns on 30 completions) wasn't enough to make it a competitive matchup at any point in the game. But on the positive side? You know, there will probably be a lot of great quarterbacks in this year's NFL draft, and even better, I'm pretty sure none of their last names are going to be "Cutler." 

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2016 NCAA Football Rankings (Week Two Update!)

Tell the Associated Press to take a hike ... these are the only college pigskin rankings you ought to pay any attention to.

By: Jimbo X

JimboXAmerican@gmail.com

@Jimbo__X

This Week's Episode:

When the school you root for beats the crap out of the school you actually attended

The A.P.? The USA Today's Coaches Poll? Whatever jibber-jabber is being puked out over at ESPN and Bleacher Report? Puh-leeze, we all know those alleged "Top 25" countdowns are pathetic jokes penned by homers, Power Five loyalists and Notre Dame nuthuggers. That's why I decided to release my own weekly rundown of the best FBS college football squads in the States, completely devoid of all the usual fanboyism and corporate malarkey that makes lists of the like elsewhere so unbelievably annoying.

Throughout the regular season, a new installment will go up every Wednesday morning, so you may want to bookmark this sucker for future reference ... and to show to all of your fellow NCAA football lovin' chums, so they can know that - at least somewhere out in the tangled, endlessly frustrating World Wide Web - there's someone on the Internet with some goddamn horse sense when it comes to ranking college 'ball teams.

01

Alabama (2-0)

Next Opponent: Ole Miss (Sept. 17)

In a 38-10 win over Western Kentucky, Alabama showcased their two most dangerous offensive and defensive attributes. While traditionally considered  a rushing-based attack, this year's Alabama squad appears to be much more aerial-minded, with QB Jalen Hurts and back-up Blake Barnett teaming up for two touchdown strikes and 351 passing yards on the day. Then, there's the Tide's bruising defense; holding the Hilltoppers to only 216 aerial yards is  something to brag about on its own, but holding the same team to just 23 rushing yards on the day? Yeah, this is definitely a team most SEC squads - or squads from any conference, for that matter - desperately do not want to see on their schedule. The big question now? Can the Tide head into Oxford this Saturday and get their biggest elephant of the last two seasons off their own backs? 

02

Houston (2-0)

Next Opponent: Cincinnati (Sept. 15)

In  42-0 blowout that was delayed for about an hour due to lightning, the Cougars absolutely ran Lamar off the field, with no less than three Houston players (Kevrin Justice, Mulbah Car and backup QB Kyle Postma) racking up at least 100 rushing yards on the day and collectively assembling five of the team's six total running touchdowns. And if you think that's impressive, just wait until you look at the team's defensive stats: not only did they prevent Lamar from sniffing the endzone once, they held the Cardinals to an insanely low 58 yards passing and an almost impossibly meager 15 yards rushing throughout the one-sided drubbing.

03

Wisconsin (2-0)

Next Opponent: Georgia State (Sept. 17)

The Badgers, as expected, battered the Akron Zips over the weekend, pummeling the hopeless, hapless and helpless Mid-American Conference team to the tune of 54-10. Bart Houston looked solid with two touchdown passes and and 231 yards on 15 completions (with receivers Jazz Peavy and Robert Wheelwright teaming up for 199 yards and two scores) while Wisconsin's running game was downright superb: Corey Clement had 111 yards and two touchdowns on 21 carries and Bradrick Shaw had one trip to the end zone and 74 total yards on nine carries. Wisconsin's defense also shine, holding the Zip to a scant 136 receiving yards and only 88 yards rushing. 

04

Florida State (2-0)

Next Opponent: Louisville (Sept. 17)

In a game that saw Charleston Southern bench 10 starters for a bizarre book store violation, the Seminoles made short work of the Buccaneers, skewering the team 52-8. The triple threat of Deondre Francois (3 TDs, 262 passing yards), Dalvin Cook (2 TDs, 73 yards) and Travis Rudolph (2 TDs, 105 receiving yards) definitely proved their mettle on the field, with special teams wunderkind Jesus Wilson recording a stellar 89-yard punt return for six on the board. FSU now turns its attention toward Louisville, in what should be one of the most intriguing ... and impactful ... games of week three. 

05

Texas (2-0)

Next Opponent: California (Sept. 17)

The Longhorns steamrolled UTEP 41-7 over the weekend, with QB Shane Buechele tossing four touchdowns and collecting 244 yards on 22 completions. The bigger story? Just how good Texas' defense is. They limited the Miners to just 135 rushing yards on 40 carries and an extremely low 73 passing yards. And just like that, the long-faltering 'horns, all of a sudden, are once again relevant in the Big 12 championship discussion, for what seems like the first time since Barack Obama was elected. 

06

Texas A&M (2-0)

Next Opponent: Auburn (Sept. 17)

The Aggies had no problems at all with Prairie View A&M, absolutely crushing the Panthers in a 67-0 anti-contest. Trevor Knight lobbed three touchdown passes in the blowout, ultimately accumulating 344 yards on 21 completions (just for the lulz, he also ran the ball for 78 yards and collected another score with his feet.) Receiver Christian Kirk also had a solid showing, reeling in the ball five times for 106 yards and two trips to the end zone. Defensively, A&M also looked quite spiffy; at the end of the fourth quarter, they had allowed Prairie View to rack up 173 aerial yards and a minute 32 yards on the ground. 

07

Ohio State (2-0)

Next Opponent: Oklahoma (Sept. 17)

J.T. Barrett had no aerial touchdowns in the Buckeyes' 48-3 win over Tulsa. Then again, seeing as how Ohio State's run game accounted for four touchdowns and 268 yards overall, you can probably overlook his lackluster 149-yard passing day. Also: Ohio State's defense was positively killer, limiting the Golden Hurricanes to just 127 passing yards and only 61 yards rushing. Next stop for Ohio State? A much ballyhooed inter-conference tilt against Bob Stoops' Sooners this Saturday, which naturally, is going to be taxing as fuck tryingto figure out whose uniforms are whose. 

08

Michigan (2-0)

Next Opponent: Colorado (Sept. 17)

Central Florida was no match for the Wolverines, as Harbaugh's boys blasted the Knights 51-14. Wilton Speight lobbed the rock to the end zone four times, ultimately collecting 312 aerial yards on 25 completions. Wide receivers Amarh Dorbah (111 yards on five catches) and Jake Butt (86 yards on seven receptions) posted two touchdowns a piece, while the defense limited UCF to just 56 aerial yards on the day. The downside for the Michigan faithful? They only put up 119 rushing yards of their own, while allowing the Knights to put up 275 on the ground. 

09

Louisville (2-0)

Next Opponent: Florida State (Sept. 17)

The Heisman race is over, folks: just two games into the 2016 NCAA football season, Louisville QB Lamar Jackson has already posted 13 touchdowns. Oh, and by the way ... he sat out the entire second half of the Cardinals first game of the season. The phenom continued to impress with a 62-28 win over Syracuse, in which he racked up one aerial TD and 411 yards on 20 completions and scrambled for an additional four touchdowns and 199 yards ... including one facilitated by some straight up NFL Street level hurdling. Up next, Louisville hosts Florida State in their first truly competitive match-up of the year ... and needless to say, the outcome of this one is going to reverberate throughout the ACC landscape throughout the remainder of the season. 

10

Baylor (2-0)

Next Opponent: Rice (Sept. 16)

OK, it may be in poor taste to bring up all of the unfortunate extracurricular activities swirling around Waco in the offseason, but let's face it; Southern Methodist was practically begging Baylor to pound them out 40-13. I mean, look at how they were dressed for the game! Yeah, Seth Russell had two touchdowns and 226 passing yards, but SMU's defenders never told him to stop. I mean, if the contest wasn't consensual, then how come Baylor's defense let SMU rack up 229 passing yards on the day? My thoughts, exactly. 

11

Washington (2-0)

Next Opponent: Portland State (Sept. 17)

All you really need to know about the Huskies' 59-14 win over Idaho? Quarterback Jake Browning tossed the ball for 294 yards, collecting five touchdowns on 23 completions. No less than four Washington receivers had end zone visits, with Dante Pettis (88 yards, six catches) and John Ross (67 yards, seven catches) each punching it in two times a piece. Alas, even in a win so dominant, there are some obvious chinks in the Huskies' proverbial armor; most notably, Washington's run defense allowing the Vandals' underpowered backs to chalk up 218 yards on the ground. 

12

Clemson (2-0) 

Next Opponent: South Carolina State (Sept. 17)

If you are a Tigers fan, you have really got to be worried about Clemson. After an unexpectedly close call against Auburn, they follow up that underwhelming performance with yet another far more competitive than it ever should have been contest against a super-irrelevant Troy team. While Deshaun Watson did indeed engineer a lot of fourth quarter scoring drives to give Clemson the 30-24 win, the rest of the offense sputtered, with Clemson's running back corps accumulating a relatively meager 122 yards and no end zone visitations throughout the contest. The Tigers' D was likewise unimpressive, somehow allowing the Trojans to air it out for 245 yards. 

13

Iowa (2-0)

Next Opponent: North Dakota State (Sept. 17)

The Hawkeyes don't play the most exciting game of college ball - eschewing the flashy aerials, they simply go in there, week in and week out, and grind the pigskin into bacon salt en route to another rough and tough W. In Iowa's 42-3 throttling of Iowa State, QB CJ Beathard tossed the rock for three scores and 235 yards, as receiver Matt VandeBerg collected 129 yards and a TD on seven receptions. Meanwhile, Iowa's running back corps posted 198 yards on the day, with no less than three scramblers ... including Beathard himself ... dancing his way into enemy end zone. 

14

Oregon (2-0)

Next Opponent: Nebraska (Sept. 17)

There's no denying who the two biggest stars in the Ducks'44-26 win over Virginia were. Quarterback Dakota Prukop launched three touchdowns and finished the game with 331 yards on 21 completions, while running back hero Royce Freeman churned up the field for 207 yards and two touchdowns on 21 carries. What is effectively Nike University faces their first real test of the season this weekend, when they go toe-to-toe with unbeaten Nebraska in a game that could have big repercussions throughout the Pac-12 and Big-10.

15

Florida (2-0)

Next Opponent: North Texas (Sept. 17)

The Gators never took their feet off the throat of Kentucky, as they absolutely creamed the Wildcats 45-7. Luke Del Rio - who is related to Jack, but to the best of my knowledge not Alberto - had a field day against the perennial SEC East bottom-dweller, chalking up 320 yards and four touchdown passes, with top target Antonio Callaway registering 129 yards and a solo TD on five receptions. Florida's defense, believe it or not, was even more impressive: they held Kentucky to only 94 yards passing and a scant 55 rushing. 

16

Stanford (1-0)

Next Opponent: USC (Sept. 17)

The always singular Cardinal took a breather over the weekend, emerging this Saturday to go toe-to-toe with arch rivals Southern Cal in a prime-time throwdown. For those wondering, Stanford has pretty much owned the Trojans over the last decade, having won seven out of the last 10 match-ups (including last December's Pac-12 championshp game.)

17

Michigan State (1-0)

Next Opponent: Notre Dame (Sept. 17)

After a bye, the Spartans travel to South Bend for a Saturday night contest against the Fighting Irish. The longstanding rivalry was broken up by conference realignment in 2014, so this will be the first time Michigan State and Notre Dame trade blows since 2013. In case you were curious, Notre Dame won the last three meetings, and leads the all-time series 48-28-1.

18

Miami (2-0)

Next Opponent: Appalachian State (Sept. 17)

Despite quarterback Brad Kaaya playing like shit (in his 191 yard day, he lobbed two interceptions and no touchdowns), the Hurricanes nonetheless had no problems breezing past Florida Atlantic, as the "U" steamrolled their in-state rivals 38-10. You can thank Miami's run game for that, in particular back Mark Walton, who finished the game with 155 rushing yards and four touchdowns. Alas, the good times for Mark Richt and company may be short lived: this Saturday, they travel to Appalachian State's home turf for a noon match-up that already has many insiders clanging the "upset" bells.

19

Tennessee (2-0)

Next Opponent: Ohio (Sept. 17)

After a disastrous near-loss against App State in week one, the Vols somewhat redeemed themselves with a solid showing against West Virginia under the lights of Bristol Motor Speedway. In Tennessee's 45-24 victory, QB Joshua Dobbs looked much improved, lobbing the rock for three touchdowns on 10 completions (uh, just overlook the fact that he only had 91 passing yards on the day) plus another 146 rushing yards and two scrambling scores. Still, the Vols D looks porous as fuck; they let the generally offense-averse Mountaineers collect 214 aerial yards and another 186 on the ground. 

20

Georgia (2-0)

Next Opponent: Missouri (Sept. 17)

The Bulldogs almost incurred one of the most shocking upsets in recent college football history over the weekend, as they just barely got past Nicholls State (which I believe is in the college football tier reserved exclusively for special ed players) 26-24. Special teams errors cost Georgia dearly, with return specialist Isaiah McKenzie muffing the ball several times. Furthermore, UGA still hasn't resolved its quarterbacking dilemma, with starter Jacob Easmon, despite his 204 yard day, going a subpar 11 for 20 on pass attempts throughout the contest. 

21

Arizona State (2-0)

Next Opponent: UTSA (Sept. 16)

Don't look now, but the Sun Devils appear to have pieced together one of the most explosive offenses in all of college football. Look no further than standout running back Kalen Ballage, who set a new NCAA record with eight motherfucking touchdowns in their 68-55 win over Texas Tech. Oh, and their quarterback Manny Wilkins (358 yards and two touchdowns on 28 completions) ain't too shabby, neither. Granted, their passing defense is all kinds of terrible (they allowed the Raiders to accumulate 540 aerial yards and five touchdowns over the weekend), but hey - as long as you keep putting up NFL Blitz 2000 offensive numbers, I reckon you can overlook putting up the NFL Blitz 2000 defensive numbers.

22

Boise State (2-0)

Next Opponent: Oregon State (Sept. 24)

It wasn't easy, but the Broncos nonetheless managed to walk away from their weekend clash with Washington State victorious. In the razor thin 31-28 win, Boise State quarterback Brett Rypien (yes, the son of the former Redskins QB) played like utter dog shit, lobbing three interceptions and wrapping up the game with a cruddy 55.5 QBR (yeah, he got 299 yards, but come on, they always do.) Thankfully, the Broncos' defense managed to negate the Cougars run game, holding them to just 40 yards rushing, as BSU hero Jeremy McNichols collected 116 rushing yards and two touchdowns on 22 carries. As for the bad news? This team's secondary sucks about as much as any secondary could ever possibly suck, as they allowed Washington State to rack up an absurd 480 aerial yards and four passing touchdowns in the contest. 

23

Navy (2-0)

Next Opponent:Tulane (Sept. 17)

The Midshipmen didn't rely on quarterback Will Worth's passing to save the day in their 28-24 win over UConn. Indeed, their QB only had 130 aerial yards on the day and no touchdown passes. Rather, Navy let their run game do all the talking (and scoring), with Worth scrambling into the end zone twice while regular running backs Dishan Romine (76 yards, nine carries) and Chris High (44 yards and a TD on seven carries) did the rest of the legwork. As impressive as Navy's 243 rushing yard day was, however, their defense shows some serious flaws - as apparent by Connecticut's 254 passing yard final tally.  

24

Army (2-0)

Next Opponent: UTEP (Sept. 17)

The Black Knights' run game absolutely murder death killed Rice, as Army racked up 348 yards on the ground en route to their blowout 31-14 victory. Running back Andy Davidson looked especially good, collecting three touchdowns in his 23-carry, 107-yard day. Army's upcoming game against Texas-El Paso will be an especially heart-wrenching one, as starting cornerback Brandon Jackson died in a car accident just hours after the team's pummeling of the Owls. 

25

Pittsburgh (2-0)

Next Opponent: Oklahoma State (Sept. 17)

In their first meeting in years, the Panthers bumped off in-state foes (and child rapist sanctuary since the 1970s) Penn State in a thrilling 42-39 finish. There's not much to say about Pittsburgh's aerial game (they had just 91 receiving yards all game), but there running attack is quite potent: by the final whistler, the Panthers had accumulated 341 rushing yards and three touchdowns on the ground. In a suddenly interesting match-up, the Panthers have a big opportunity to raise their stock this weekend, as they go toe-to-toe with an Oklahoma State team that is still fuming over their bullshit loss to Central Michigan last Saturday. 

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