Propaganda Review: Angry Goy - The Game!

Are you ready for the single most offensive video game ever made? Long answer short: no, you probably aren't. 

By: Jimbo X

JimboXAmerican@gmail.com

@Jimbo___X

Video games, by their very nature, have courted controversy from the very beginning. It wasn't long after the medium became entrenched in the pop cultural psyche before the powers that were started citing them as moral ills - lest we forget, the National Safety Council itself went after the arcade game Death Race and 60 Minutes was winging together "scare pieces" about the psychological impact of violent games all the way back in 1976. Since then, each passing generation has had its boundary pushing interactive watersheds, each drawing intense public scrutiny from concerned parents groups and worrywort politicians alike. In the 1980s you had Native American rape simulators and arcade shoot 'em ups where you blew away people in sexual torture devices, and in the 1990s you had kung fu games where you could knock each others' heads off, shitty Sega CD games about stealth vampires eating Dana Plato a whole host of three-dimensional FPSes widely reported as being the root causes of many a school shooting. The bottom fell out with the release of Grand Theft Auto III shortly after 9/11, with seemingly a new game to be "gravely alarmed" about coming down the pipes every three months or so: Postal, BMX XXX, The Guy Game (which, technically, is considered an illegal piece of C.P.), so on and so forth. With the advent of the Internet and indie gaming, however, the locus has shifted away from condemning video games that are just textually violent (indeed, Hatred, the first released game in history to ever get an A-O rating for violence alone, barely drew any media attention when it was released a few years ago) with the moral ire instead focused on video games with uncomfortable social context, which includes - but is not limited to - first person raping simulators, games about shooting pregnant Mexicans and, of course, that all-time FPS classic, Ethnic Cleansing, in which you choose to play as either a skinhead or a Klansman and run around shooting blacks and Hispanics (with the game's end boss being a fight to the death with Ariel Sharon.)

As controversial as those games may have been (and to be frank, the damn things were so obscure that not that many moral watchdog groups got up in arms about them), I think it's safe to say none of them will hold a candle to the cross-cultural shitstorm the recently released Angry Goy: The Game is ABOUT to brew up. 

What is Angry Goy, you might be wondering? Well, it's a free-to-download 2D, retro-style shooter a'la NARC. Yeah, so what, there are tons of freeware games like that already on the market, right? Well, there's one mighty big difference between Angry Goy and all the other retro-revival 2D shooters - namely, the fact that the entire thing is meant to promote white nationalism and anti-migrant sentiment. Basically, it's Anders Breivik: The Video Game, with all of your adversaries represented as endless hordes of gibberish shouting Somalis, homosexual Marxist college students and Jew-owned police and SWAT responders ... all of whom you brutally murder with machetes and semi-automatic weapons en route to the game's grand finale, a five minute long tribute to the preachings of Adolf Hitler.

Since the game was released on Jan. 1, it hasn't generated that much publicity, but trust me, once the media gets a hold of this one, it's going to be the Mortal Kombat brouhaha all over again. You can almost smell the headlines on HuffPo and Salon now: "RACIST VIDEO GAME ENCOURAGES MASS GENOCIDE" and "ONLINE NAZI GAME RADICALIZES WHITE YOUTH" and "IS THERE ANYWAY WE CAN PIN THIS ON DONALD TRUMP?" It's only a matter of time until this thing goes nuclear, and I reckoned the sooner I covered this thing, the better for all of us (but mostly, my SEO rankings, I ain't going to shit you.)

As far as the developers of the game, a grand total of three people are credited as designers. It appears to be a "fan-made" production through and through, complete with narration from pro-Nazi Euro-SoundClouder Natt Danelaw and a soundtrack provided by techno-Hitler fanboys CyberNazi (don't ask me how or why, but apparently, neo-synthwave music has become the official soundtrack of the neo-neo-Nazi movement.) It isn't too difficult to find links to download the game, but there's been a lot of clamor from the early adopters that the game may secretly be F.B.I. spyware intended to collect potential alt-righters' personal info. I'm not providing the links myself, but for those of you that want to download Angry Goy, be forewarned that when the game  was initially released, it demanded you run it on administrator mode and it may or may not record your keystrokes - or so, that's what I've heard through the grapevine, anyway. 

Alright (or is that Alt-right?), let's get this little sucker fired up somebody else's laptop, why don't we?

Before you even being the game, you're asked to agree to a T.O.S. box that refers to the game as "an ironic shitpost" and beseeches you to "not hold the creators of the game responsible for anything (sic) harm that could possibly occur to you in any way from playing this game." We get a little segue screen letting us know all the music for the game was supplied by CyberNazi (although I'm more partial to GigaGestappo, personally.) Instead of using the arrows on your keypad to move your avatar around, you have to use the W, A, S and D buttons. The space bar shoots, Q switches weapons, R reloads and G ditches your item. 

A giant pixel art swastika greets you at the formal intro screen. You see a guy wearing a futuristic Nazi ensemble (perhaps inspired by Uwe Boll's Rampage series?) with five options available: new game, continue game, system options, achievements and controls. There is another disclaimer at the bottom of the screen stating "the entirety of this game is satire" and "does not support violence of any kind or hatred towards any individual group." 

Time for the opening cutscene. Somewhere in Europe, a guy wearing a skeleton jaw bandana is sitting in his apartment, watching a newscast about six million refugees being granted asylum throughout the continent. The reporter on TV says this is a big step towards progressive multiculturalism while a banner in the background displays several black caricatures - all armed to the teeth - labeled as "starving refugee children." The reporter rolls footage from earlier when he interviewed a Somali migrant at a refugee camp. The asylum seeker says "wherever I am, I might also rape." 

This causes your avatar to chuck his TV out the window. You get to explore his flat a little (it's, perhaps unsurprisingly, littered with swastikas, Pepe the Frog posters, signage of people getting thrown out of helicopters and images of a white family with the slogan "defend our home.") You acquire a handgun, but before you hit the city streets, you'll notice a flat above yours that is digitally padlocked. Huh, I wonder what delightful secrets it holds?

This is gloriously offensive ... all the way up until you lamentably realize it's factually accurate. 

You are immediately attacked by a horde of machete wielding Somalis (although the weapons look more like yardsticks to me, but whatever.) You get health by buying cola out of vending machines (trust me, you will be hitting these things up constantly.) One of the posters in the background heralds the arrival of the "Seventh Annual White Guilt Parade." Your avatar calls the attackers, among other things, "goat fuckers" and "sand niggers." Whenever you unlock an achievement (essentially, hitting a certain kill count) a brief clip of a Hitler speech plays in the bottom lefthand corner of the screen. 

Graphically, the game looks like any number of the old I-Mockery flash games, a'la Abobo's Big Adventure. Structurally, the gameplay feels just like the old school arcade shooters of yore, like Smash T.V. and Ikari Warriors. 

Your avatar yells "We take back Jerusalem" after strolling past a poster that reads "White pride? That would be another Holocaust." You enter a park and gun down some Somalis, periodically quipping "nice try, Muhammad." You rescue a white child on a swing set. "We have to get you inside, these brown filth are dangerous," he tells the 16-bit girl. Your avatar advises she close her eyes and pretend he's a pony while he blasts his way through the horde of Muslim migrants. Eventually, you drop her off at her parents' flat, where the father (wearing a Soviet sickle shirt) accuses you of gunning down "12-year-old children" who were also his daughter's friends. While he's calling the po-po, you blow his brains out and tell his now-widowed wife he was "a faggot" and "a cuck." He says "I wouldn't be surprised if he was a sodomite" before giving the child - whose father you just murdered right before her very eyes - a lollipop. 

Back on the city streets, you get into a shootout with half a dozen cops. You enter an alleyway and encounter more migrants. "Reparations, you say?" your avatar proclaims. "Well, I hope you take lead." You go up some ladders and enter a rundown crack house, which serves as something of a mini-maze. Once you make it back to street level, you encounter more Somalis. "No, I think Meccas is THAT way" and "fucking Mussies, get out of my country, REEEE!" your ethnic cleansing "hero" mutters. Despite being a 2D game, the gore effects are surprisingly realistic. Whenever you shoot someone, their head caves into bloody bowl shaped wounds, complete with eyeballs flying across the screen once you register the coup de grace. 

At the Chosen Theatre, Dude Where's Your Argument, Jamal Wars and Fistful of Shekels are playing. Now the enemies are hiding behind cars and milk crates, making it sorta' like Gears of War, but, you know, with one less dimension and whatnot. Once you stumble upon Nip-Mart, a cutscene with an Asian stereotype supermarket owner is - pardon the pun - triggered. The owner - rocking a Fu Manchu mustache, buck teeth and a full-on Raiden hat - is on the roof of his store, armed with a sniper rifle. Small mounds of dead Muslims are scattered across the parking lot. A Somalian tries to sneak into the business. He shoots him dead and declares "I-uh really dis-rike niggers" and gives you an MSG to continue your quest. Hey, us Axis Powers gotta' stick together, I suppose.

We're still slogging through the ghettos. The laziness of the designers becomes apparent, with lots of the game space turning into generic splotches of grey and green. "Wow, this really challenges my preconceived notions," your avatar says upon splattering his 50th or so victim.

Now you arrive at the Cole B. Yearner Gender Studies Institute. And yes, that name is a joke ... sorta. Once inside, you do battle with students wearing clown makeup and bras screaming "you're fucking a white male" and dudebros with ganja leaf shirts. They are carrying dildos and bongs as melee weapons. School posters remind you to "remember, don't misgender" and that "feminism is reality." Say what you will about the racist inclinations of the game designers, you at least have to give them credit for clever achievement targets - i.e., being rewarded for breaking Anders Breivik's real life "high score" record. 

Portraits of Stalin and posters of the Islamic moon insignia (emblazoned with the subtitle "the religion of peace") are plastered all over the place. Eventually, you make your way into a lecture hall with a professor - clearly of the Hebrew persuasion - teaching his students that "evil times privilege squared divided by whiteness equals oppression." You chase him into the art room and stuff him into an oven set to 1488 degrees. This unlocks an achievement for making, and I quote, "Jew Pizza."

Back to the streets. Now the Somalis have AKs. You pass through "StarCucks," "Ade's Acrylics" and "Jeb! Authentic Guac Bowls" while mass murdering migrants and shouting "if it's brown, mow it down." You encounter a giant billboard declaring "diversity is our greatest strength" right before stumbling upon a major traffic pile-up (a reference to the France transfer truck attack last year, I take it?)

You loop back around to your apartment complex. Hey, the locked door is open now! You walk in, and there's your state of the art Nazi Iron Man suit waiting for you - along with an arsenal of super-powerful automatic weapons and even a futuristic-looking spiked metal baseball bat. Among other bric a brac in the room are bombs with Confederate battle flags attached to them and a poster praising William L. Pierce - you know, the guy who wrote The Turner Diaries and at one time pretty much bank rolled the entire white power music recording industry. Time for the first legitimate LOL quip of the game: "The Russians totally financed all this," your avatar declares.

Because fuck subtlety, that's why.

OK, so obviously your Nazi death suit (it kinda reminds me of Frankenstein's get-up in Death Race 2000) allows you to absorb way more damage before keeling over. You retrace your steps from earlier and wander into the Usury First ((("National" Private Bank)))." You have a dispute with the Jewish owner (a real plot twist, I know) and get involved in a lengthy shootout with cops and SWAT members. In the following cutscene, the Jewish caricature tries to bribe you into not killing him, but the number he offers keeps getting lower and lower. His death - the old two bullets to the skull chestnut - occurs totally off-screen.

Time for another shootout with SWAT on top of the bank (which, for some reason, has the Freemason logo on it.) You walk across a two-by-four catwalk into a crack house, which connects you to another rooftop SWAT battle. You know, this feels VERY reminiscent of Predator 2 on the Sega Genesis, actually. "That's what you get for covering up for rapists!" your avatar justifies his mass murder of police officials. 

Back to the city streets. You walk by a public utility building with a poster reading "We push the Fluoride Scam" and another billboard feature Penn Jillette as a black man (one of you kids is going to have to email me about that one - I have no earthly clue what it's supposed to be referencing.) 

Next, you enter an abandoned, darkened building (you hit Q and R simultaneously to flip on night vision goggle mode.) Everything has a blurry red tint to it. It's a fairly confusing labyrinth, mostly because the yellow guiding arrow keeps leading you astray. Eventually, you'll enter the sewers then an elevator that chugs along at a snail's pace back to the surface. Interestingly, a portion of one of Hitler's speeches plays while you're slowly inching your way up, in what may or may not be an oblique nod to the one "ladder climb" sequence from Metal Gear Solid 3. "We will win," some highlighted graffiti declares right before the sequence concludes.  

Now you enter a refugee crisis center and - surprise! - kill more Somalis. I don't know if it's a common bug with all versions of the game, but my copy got insanely glitchy here - in fact, I had to kill switch the thing a couple of times to make it through. I'm guessing Q.A. wasn't really emphasized during production - indeed, if you even touch a dead enemy's rifle, the fucking game locks up on you!

So, you keep killing everything with a tan, weaving your way in and out of abandoned buildings and more migrant camps. You eventually amble past the local welfare center ("Make Green for Being Brown" the billboard reads), a boarded up liquor store and a pharmacy with an ad suggesting "Cough syrup! Try it on hamburgers!" all while gleefully screaming "keep that HIV-ridden nigger blood away from me!" into the night. 

Yep, we're still blasting through the slums. You cross the movie theater again, see the same bus wreckage and hear the same 20 or some quips a million bajillion times as you massacre a small armada of Islamic sanctuary seekers. After what feels like an hour of mindless blasting, you come across the Channel 4 News Network (since I'm a Yank, I don't know shit about the BBC - is BBC 4 especially liberal or something?) The anchor - yep, the same guy from the opening intro - lets us know the suspect responsible for the mass slaying is named "Sam Hyde." I know Hyde is a pretty counter-cultural dude and all, but come on guys - you just know equating a stand-up comedian with a neo-Nazi mass-murdering simulator is just lawsuit bait with a capital "L." 

The anchor is killed offscreen, and this cues a 20 minute long shootout in the prop room, with wave after wave of SWAT members and cops coming after you. Thankfully, there is a vending machine smackdab in the middle of the room, so it's pretty much impossible to run out of health - that is, unless your index fingers give out, naturally.

And after you finally off all the officers? Your reward a cutscene in which your avatar pops a VHS in the control room to show the whole world "that Hitler was right." This leads to a five minute long video which cues a Hitler speech about the media swaying public opinion and warning us about "giant capitalists" (that's codeword for "Jews," y'know) while clips of white babies and Sweden roll in the background. "Gentiles, rise up because we've done it before and we will do it again," the video concludes. "Stand up to Jews of the world. Organize against Jewish tyranny and fight for your people." And the very last image of the game? A vacant screen, reading "#hitlerwasright, make the truth go viral." 

How disgusting. Can you imagine the roles being reversed and a video game encouraging the wholesale slaughter of Nazis instead?

Yep, that's the ending. No boss fights, no cutscenes describing the consequences of your avatar's actions, nothing - just the designers going all #Kony2012 on us and pushing a shitty propaganda video down our throats that nobody in their right mind would ever think of posting on their Facebook timeline. Anticlimactic endings suck hard enough, but to give those of us who waited a good 14 minutes for the game to download no ending whatsoever? Now that's just the zenith of laziness, you goose-stepping goof-offs. 

Before I get into the sociocultural implications of the game, I'll quickly go over the technical merits of the offering. Simply put, even as a freeware title, Angry Goy leaves a lot to be desired. The visuals are pretty good and the soundtrack is surprisingly awesome (then again, I do love me anything that sounds like a John Carpenter score) but the controls are clunky and the gameplay is super repetitive. Because it's damn near impossible to avoid enemy fire at close range, virtually every time you get gang tackled by three or more foes you're going to incur a lot of unavoidable damage. That means you pretty much have to backtrack to the last vending machine checkpoint, refill your energy, and repeat over and over again. Get health, kill one mob, go back and get more health, kill another mob a little bit further down the street, retreat to the vending machine, refill, rinse and repeat ad nauseam. The melee weapons are practically useless and as stated earlier, the game tends to glitch out a lot. Whether or not that can be attributed to characters from other video games trying to go "turbo" a'la Wreck-It Ralph for the white nationalist movement, however, is unlikely to be the case - frankly, these guys just rushed the game out there, and oh boy, does it show. It's strictly a solo player affair, and there are no online scoreboards to show off to your buddies on Stormfront. There's virtually no incentive to replay the game once you already beat it - no unlockables, no alternate endings, etc. - so it's pretty much the epitome of a play once and destroy game. Without the alt-right humor, this would be a totally unremarkable game, without question. 

And now, we come to the biggie. Does this game ACTUALLY have anything to do with satire, or is it just disgusting racist propaganda disguised as entertainment? You know, we've been having this argument for centuries - can agitprop be art, and vice versa? - and while I can't say I approve of the game's Hitler-espousing, super-mega-duper xenophobic themes, I can at least see the developers attempted to wedge some halfway legitimate social commentary in there. You may not like it or think it's funny, but the game clearly passes the old Miller v. California SLAPS test - it's a carefully crafted (if not sophomoric) absurdist comedy that panders to the The_Donald subreddit crowd by making fun of leftist sympathizers' hypocritical stance on "globalization" and "multiculturalism." Yes, the game is about killing wave after wave of African Moslems, SJW college students and purportedly Jew-owned police officials, but I think it's a stretch to say the game is designed to incite gamers to go out there and murder migrants and liberals and international bankers in real life. If you're going to piss and moan about this game "radicalizing" the Voat community, you might as well go after They Live for encouraging viewers to gun down Reaganites, or blame the Dallas sniping massacre on Grand Theft Auto. Satire is supposed to have a hard edge to it, and yes, that First Amendment protection is afforded to parodies even IF they don't jive with your own personal ideologies and you find the general statement of the work in question dangerous, depraved and morally indefensible. 

Angry Goy isn't a good video game and it can hardly be considered masterful comedic storytelling. Alas, like 2 Live Crew and the photos of Robert Mapplethorpe a quarter century before it, it's a game destined to redefine what it is, precisely, that constitutes art. Perhaps the greatest cultural inversion of my lifetime has been the total 180 of free speech in the States, where it is now hardline conservatives - the DailyStormers and Million Dollar Extremes and Milo Yiannopouloses of the world - that are crusading on the frontlines of the cultural First Amendment battle, while liberals (yes, the very same people who defended "Me So Horny" and "Piss Christ" as crucial free expression 25 years ago) are now posited as the guardians of morality, destined to bar any and all racist, sexist or homophobic commentary from poisoning the minds of the masses. Undoubtedly, Angry Goy is going to cause quite the commotion, and might even represent the first volley of a new high court culture war. 

Freedom of speech was never meant to protect the status quo. It was meant to protect unpopular opinions from being silenced by the majority. The very same reasoning that safeguarded liberal heroes Chris Ofili and David Wojnarowicz from torrents of religious right oppression in the 1990s is why even vile, hateful works like Angry Goy ought to be protected today. The game isn't a "hate crime" anymore than Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ - it's a mere idea, however distasteful, encapsulated in a fixed medium. And the very minute we start persecuting people for ideas - or considering hateful speech on the same level as hateful actions - we've already begun that long, miserable march down the road to fascism, kiddos. 

The biggest social crisis of my lifetime, I have long surmised, will entail how exactly U.S. culture seeks to define the First Amendment. There is an ever growing contingent out there that is hell-bent on changing 1A to mean it's the government's duty to protect the citizenry from being offended, and we may be just a few years away from the first wave of freedom-eroding Supreme Court cases hitting Capitol Hill. 

Angry Goy is shitty art made by shitty people with a shitty agenda, but there's no doubt that under the First Amendment as is, they have a right to peddle their propaganda to the masses - and if you don't like it, well, tough titties. Alas, a game this caustic is sure to rankle the easily aggrieved P.C. police, and I'll give it about a month before Slate and The Washington Post picks up on it and we have ourselves a level three - possibly even level four - sociocultural shit storm.

Don't say I didn't warn you well in advance, folks. Don't you even.

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Book Review: "Sweat Equity" by Jason Kelly (2016)

A Bloomberg business writer confirms what we've all suspected for quite some time now: the whole "active living" fad is the ultimate embodiment of white privilege. 

By: Jimbo X

JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@Jimbo___X

"The community aspects of running and cycling clubs are in some cases replacing the shared purposes once found in the pews of a church."

- Jason Kelly, Sweat Equity (2016)

"When food is scarce, it's beautiful to be fat. The more obesity is a signal of being lower class, the more aggressively people will try to be thin." 

- Lisa Wade, Sweat Equity (2016)

Throughout history, snobby elitists have sought to represent the exact opposite traits of the proletariat classes. For example, back in the Victorian days when having a tan meant you were a day-laborin' pauper, it was fashionable for all those ritzy, rich broads to look as pale as possible. And in the Gilded Age, when the downtrodden were literally starving emaciated scarecrow-people, the wealthy turned being a fatass into a signifier of high social status. 

Today, about seven out of 10 Americans are considered overweight, with nearly four out of ten deemed medically obese. It's even more pronounced if you are a minority female - indeed, 80 percent of black women in the country have B.M.I.'s that put them in the overweight range, while more than half of all African American women in the U.S. are considered obese. 

The average working class man or woman these days is usually a pudgy, beer-and-soda-bellied lardo, due to the trifecta of high sugar diets, sedentary lifestyles and the biggy, not having any damn time to get up off their fat duffs to exercise because they're too busy paying bills and taking care of their kids and trying to not get fired and lose their house and become homeless. They either can't afford gym memberships or can't find the free time to use their equipment. You know all of the gluten-free totally organic super-duper health food at Trader Joe's? Well, it's either out of their price range or what do you know, the only food sources within a 20-mile radius are either Burger Kings or convenience stores that sell expired Raisin Bran for two dollars more than you'd get at your local Kroger. And by golly, they'd all love to go kayaking and run three miles every day, but unfortunately they live in a concrete abyss devoid of any organic life forms other than mice and huge-assed pigeons. Oh, and they'd probably get knifed to death jogging two blocks from where they live ... sorry, but losing maybe 100 or so calories during a 30-minute workout probably ain't worth getting shanked to death by some guy named Tweezy or El Diablo Sanchez.

I've long suspected that this whole "health and wellness" upper-middle-class suburban-WASP craze was little more than some passive aggressive slight against the common soil folks - indeed, I've already deduced that the millennial "bicycling" fad is inherently racist - but it wasn't until I combed through Jason Kelly's tome Sweat Equity that I understood the full extent of this ethnocentric exercising epidemic. 

Long story short; rich white people are all about being "in shape" and engaging in "physically active recreation" because it's their furtive way of saying "ha-ha, fuck all your poor ass white hicks and coloreds." 

It's pretty obvious, when you tune out the background noise and really focus on the issue. What is "exercise" but the total narcissistic absorption into one's self? I don't buy for a minute that all those Lululemon clad, Flywheel class attendin' health nuts in the 'burbs genuinely give half a hoot about their own physiological well-being. Rather, they just want to be as thin and wiry as possible so they can show off to all of their chunkier pals and coworkers as some sort of unstated "power distance" display.

It's not about being healthy, it's about looking fit. These neo-yuppies aren't the kinds of folks that'll waltz on into a hole-in-the-wall gym where the smallest weight next to the bench press machines is 200 pounds. They're not about developing muscle or strength, they're all a bunch of cardio-obsessed dweebs who think riding a mountain bike that cost more than a brand new Hyundai around a two mile loop 40 times over the course of one Sunday afternoon makes them some kind of ubermensch. These are precisely the kind of puds you see with all of those 13.1 and 26.2 stickers all over the back windshields of their Nissan Leafs, those irritating souls who bitch and moan about the lack of whole grain, fair trade wheat shakes available on the menus at steakhouses. They don't go to three marathon races every weekend and spend $20,000 on R.E.I. equipment each month because they care about their own health, they invest so much time, effort and moolah into the business of being fit because it allows them to flaunt themselves as supposedly superior beings. Why else do you think these douches wear neon green shoes and bright pink CrossFit shirts to the grocery store at 8 a.m. on a Tuesday?

Granted, Sweat Equity ain't really a sociocultural examination of the inherently prejudicial and classist "health and wellness" fad. Rather, it's a fairly straightforward examination of just how lucrative stuck-up, wealthy white motherfucker baiting exercise and fitness programs are these days. Indeed, per this Kelly guy's research the whole "health privilege" complex - your Flywheels and your Pure Barres and your SoulCycles and your Physique 5s and all that other shit that's practically Latin to the American commoner - generates about $3.4 trillion a year - a sum that eclipses the annual revenue of the global private equity market by a good four billion dollars. 

Unsurprisingly, Kelly lets us know it's a trend mostly being driven by Millennial women. Nine times as many women are participating in organized races (hmm ... races ... think about it) since 1990, with female runners finishing more races than male runners in 2003 by a good 30 percent margin. With a year-over-year 3 percent market increase, fitness clubs in the U.S. now generate about $27 billion a year. And, naturally, the explosive growth in popularity has surprisingly little to do with actual exercising. 

"The gym became a new kind of urban or suburban country club," states Shelly McKenzie in Sweat Equity. "Friendships and social connections were enabled because members believed that their fellow exercisers shared common interests and were likely to have a similar economic status and lifestyle."

The gargantuan financial success of "athleisure" empires like Tyr, SlowTwitch, Runner's World and Under Armour gives more indication that the neo-fitness craze is about wealth as opposed to health. "You can't be too rich or too thin," the author remarks, noting that the global sports nutrition market - even without the sales of Gatorade and its competitors factored into the equation - were $4.6 billion in 2009. Hell, almond milk sales alone are estimated to be around $700 million in 2014. 

But you see, this whole fit privilege thing just ain't about looking skinny and showing off how goddamn rich you are. Kelly notes that this cult of wellbeing seems to have taken on ... well, literal status as a cult. "Fitness has also crept into a personal and social space once occupied by organized religion, and it's not just yoga studios and meditation clubs," he writes. "It's got a lot to do with the Millennial crowd, which is abandoning or never even showing up to churches and temples in unprecedented numbers." 

So we have an entire generation of egotists who derive a sense of community by excluding themselves from any kind of voluntary interaction with poor and out-of-shape people, whose Sunday worship services are jogging around the town square wearing Kit + Ace apparel that costs more than most American workers' weekly paychecks and whose eucharist are overpriced "energy gels." Yep, there's nothing troubling whatsoever about a bunch of superficial, upscale consumerism-obsessed classists walling themselves off from the peons for stratified empowerment circle jerks, is there? 

Kelly spends an entire chapter mulling how rich white people are turning to biking, jogging and expensive douchey fitness programs as sort of an antidote to their own lack of meaning (imagine that ... materialist assholes without any financial problems whatsoever can't find contentment with how great everything is going in their lives.) He quotes some nutsack named Sakyong Mipham as saying the always-on-the-go, always-online nature of modern existence "gives life a superficial feeling; we never experience anything fully," which Mipham insists is what makes active rich white motherfucker group activities so satisfying for the jaded upper classes. But surely, the fact that the average income of the NYC Marathon runner is a paltry $130,000 a year DOESN'T mean these fucks just like to hang out with other fucks like them, though. Get real. 

From there, Kelly name checks a couple of C-level fitness nuts like Strauss Zelnick and Mike Zafirovski and documents their insane exercise regimens. Interestingly, all of that Iron Man triathlon shit they are into is exclusively cardio, and nowhere in the book does Kelly even drop the word "anaerobic." Which begs the question - why aren't any of those scrawny, kale-eating joggers and pedal-philes doing any weight lifting or chopping wood or flipping over huge-assed tires like Rocky was doing to prepare for battle against Ivan Drago? Oh, that's right, because muscle-building exercises look too much like manual labor, and it'll be a cold day in hell before any of them dare think of going anywhere near one of those germy metal hand weights that some scary black man probably touched.

From there, there's a lot of stuff about the economic impact of marathons ($181 million alone for the one in Boston), all those goofy-ass Ninja Warrior wannabe urban-gimmick races like "Warrior Dash" and "Tough Mudder," the rise and fall of those hideous "five finger shoes" and "social media-driven wellness programs," in part inspired by the rise of consumer-grade apparatuses like FitBit and Nike's FuelBands. "Technology, especially in the form of social media," the author writes, "is a megaphone to spread the gospel and validate their fellow congregants with positive reinforcement splashed across the Internet." Huh - people online demanding complete and utter affirmation from perfect strangers to assuage their eggshell thin egos ... I am shocked shitless. 

Sweat Equity wraps up with a quote from Harvey Spevak, the mastermind behind the upscale Equinox fitness clubs. "For millennials, it's more culturally social and about community," he said. "They are fitness-focused, making it a fundamental priority, not an option. It's about eating right and staying active for long-term happiness."

But did you catch the inherent logical fallacy of that statement? In the first sentence, he says the well-to-do asshole millennial fascination with neo-fitness is a social status thing, while in the follow-up sentence, he says it's about keeping one's body in tip-top shape as some sort of secret weapon for personal contentment. Well, as evident by the explosion in popularity of bicycling clubs and rich white bitch-only yoga classes and all the local "hey, let's jog around the block every Saturday morning around 7 in a big cluster of white privilege" meetups, the true appeal of the so-called "health and wellness" industry is in its snobby, exclusionary social dynamics. They've turned running and being vegan and biking into displays of virtue signalling, where the intent isn't to lower their heart rates or tone their bodies but show off to the lesser peoples. They're not running around town or holding up traffic in their bikes or yammering on and on about CrossFit because they're proud of their personal dedication to self, they do it because - quite frankly - it's their secretive way of saying "eat my privileged shit, you low-income fucks, especially the browner ones." They're all various shades of RINO classists, with perhaps a few irritating sprinkles of privileged liberalism and/or libertarianism throw in to keep you from immediately thinking they're your dime a dozen rich, white, money-grubbing conservative assholes. Every. Last. One. Of. Them. 

None of these puds and pricks are content simply exercising at home and eating gluten-frey whey burgers in the privacy of their own homes. They simply HAVE to export their lite-fascist, egotistical tao everywhere they go - and the greater numbers they have, the better. It's a public political demonstration, in every sense of the word - only those neon-hued bikers and joggers aren't protesting anything, they're trying to flaunt their perceived "betterness" in front of anyone who makes less money than they do. Forget athletics or leisure - their real intent, no matter the recreational activity, is to form some kind of highly visible mobile country club, and the endgame is to make sure as many underlings as possible are aware of their perceived "wellness" - which, by now, we all know is just a codeword for "affluence."

One thing I noticed in Sweat Equity is that throughout all of the recreational events and activities Kelly mentioned, pretty much all of them were based on fleeing. Biking, running, swimming ... all cardio-exercises designed, from a biological standpoint, to help you move faster from whatever imminent dangers are in the immediate area. In that, the obsession with personal speed and mobility (social or physical, really) suggests that these classist health nuts are, perhaps subconsciously, terrified of something. What are they peddling and kayaking and jogging away from, exactly? Their own personal discontent and dissatisfaction, or is it the rest of the American proletariat population? 

Whenever I see someone with a 13.1 or 26.2 sticker on their car, I'm not impressed. All that lets me know is that if shit got real, they'd be able to Fred Flintstone it like a pussy for a really long time. Only the truly weak of the species, as we all know, have to run for their lives. 

That's why you'll NEVER see a hard-as-nails blue collar brawler or a two-dollar-steak-tough inner-city scrapper driving around with a fuckin' marathon bumper sticker on their vehicles. That's because all of these wealth-oriented health and fitness fads are anchored around the very opposite of their core survival instincts. When trouble arises, genetically, they aren't predisposed to hop in a $10,000 bicycle and pedal away from danger a'la Pee Wee Herman. Nor are they going to grab a canoe and paddle their way to safety, or slip on their $500 running shoes and speed walk out of harm's way.

No siree Bob, only the biologically and socially weak - a.k.a, the kind of people who attend Flywheel and Orangetheory classes - engage in such cowardly behaviors. The healthy and the wealthy have to haul ass, because they know that in a one-on-one slugfest, all the kale sandwiches and Jawbone Up downloads and Hoka One One shoes in the world wouldn't help them last a second longer in the ULTIMATE display of physical and athletic ability, human combat.

So gimme any of the C-level fit-nuts Kelly describes in the book and all of their social status conferring extracurricular activities and gimme just one 300 pound ex-high school football player now in his early '40s with two bad knees and a gimpy arm named Clem or Deezbo. Now, if we made 'em square off in a no-holds-barred, old-school Ultimate Fighting Championship contest - and your life depended on picking the winner - who would you place your money on? 

Yeah, I wouldn't count on the wellbeing of the one who's always going on and on about his wellbeing neither ... which, really, tells you ALL you need to know about the real driving force of the upscale fitness industry as a whole.

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This Week in Social Justice Warrior-Dom

A fond look back at all the things that had ultra-P.C. jihadists outraged ... before they forget all about them in just a few days. 

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@Jimbo__X

Liberals, ever the gracious losers, continue to act incredibly decorous in wake of Trump's presidential election

In many ways, Democrats and Democrat sympathizers really shouldn't feel all that surprised by the outcome of the Nov. 8 general election. Indeed, Trump's election almost eerily mirrors the "upset" re-election of George W. Bush in 2004 - the liberal politicos declared their morally superior candidate the victor three months out, they completely forgot about half of the electorate (namely, working class families in flyover country) and they simply attacked the character of the other candidate instead of adequately explaining why their own candidate's policies were better for the aggregate American - and what do you know, looks like history decided to up and repeat itself. Of course, modern SJW-libs don't have memories of anything that happened before Obama was elected, so this whole "not getting your way thing" remains a fairly new sensation for them - and as the lengthy list of incidents and episodes below demonstrate, they most certainly aren't taking this novel thing called "losing" very well, whatsoever:

• Matt Harrigan was the CEO of something called Packetsled. The operative term there is was, since he resigned after threatening to assassinate the president-elect on Facebook. 
• In Richmond, Va., 12 anti-Trump demonstrators were arrested for trying to "protest" the Republican candidate's election by blocking traffic on a highway. The same night, several Confederate memorial statues were defaced, with one vandal spray-painting the message "your vote was a hate crime" on a memorial marker dedicated to Confederate naval officer Matthew Fontaine Maury.
• Comedian Wanda Sykes was booed off stage during a stand up routine at a cancer fundraiser in Boston when she went off on a long tirade about Trump being an alleged sexist, homophobe and racist. She responded to the negative feedback by pointing to people in the crowd individually and stating "fuck you, motherfucker, fuck all of you." 
• More than 300 students accompanied student Natasha Nkhama to class at Baylor University after she said she was pushed on the sidewalk by a man who called her a "nigger." Per Nkhama, a bystander intervened, and Nkhama's "attacker" rationalized his verbal abuse as an effort to "make America Great Again." For the record, neither the student who allegedly assailed Nkhama nor the "good Samaritan" who "saved" Nkhama from further harm have been identified.
• Not getting as much attention, though? A slate of false "hate crime" hoaxes involving fictitious Trump supporters transpiring in Louisiana, Delaware, Massachusetts and Ohio
• Aspiring actress (read: Starbucks employee) Destiny Garcia decided to air her displeasure with a carload of Trump supporters by doing what any rational sort would: she lobbed a coffee at them, got out of the car, stated her full name and declared she hoped the display of simple battery "went viral."
• In Missouri, a black high school student got burnt by some asshole with a glue gun. And since students at the same school allegedly were taunted by some troublemakers who chanted "Trump" and told black kids to sit in the back of the school bus a few days earlier, this clearly has to be another alt-right inspired hate crime, ain't it?
• Apparently, a lot of those hardcore anti-Trumpers aren't just protesting out of moral principle; a Planned Parenthood affiliate was found to be paying "professional" demonstrators at a base rate of $15 an hour, plus overtime and bonuses,to hold signs, shout slogans and generally look and act outraged in Boston, Denver, Columbus, Philadelphia and Pittsburgh.
• One of the hottest trends in high schools across America? Something called "The Trump's Coming Challenge," in which students pretend to flee for their lives after being informed that the president-elect is in the area. What the students are afraid of, precisely - as well as what they are doing making viral videos during school hours - has yet to be explained.
• You know how at Starbucks, you can get your barista to write down whatever goofy name on your cup you want? Well, one employee got so offended when asked to write "Trump" on a mocha latte that he called the police.
• Actor Michael Shannon in a recent interview advised readers to not communicate with people who voted for Trump, going as far as to skip out on Thanksgiving and Christmas to avoid interacting with those who dare to think differently than you do. "If you're voting for Trump," he remarked, "it's time for the urn."
• In Atlanta, an African-American man was shot and killed by a Hispanic man outside a bar on Nov. 12. According to eyewitnesses, 32-year-old victim Mitchell Mormon, Jr. was gunned down because he made a joke about voting for Donald Trump.

Of course, despite all of these nauseatingly immature behaviors - some of which crossed over into the domain of legitimate violent crime - the mainstream media taste-makers remain intent on showcasing Trump supporters as the ones who are really wacked-out. Oh, how much fun the pissy liberal elites had with Trump's tweet storm against Hamilton - you know, the synthetic Broadway sensation that won't even let white people audition and whose stars have made social media "jokes" about taking advantage of drunk Caucasian women on St. Patrick's Day - as if such was proof positive Trumpites are mentally retarded. And by oh golly, The Huffington Post and its P.C. propaganda spoutin' ilk had a field day with that whole "Trump Cup" protest, when the guy who started it said the movement was actually meant to be a parody of leftists' over-reactionary demonstrations against everything. 

But there are a few other stories that you haven't heard the Huff-Pos and The Daily Beasts and the Buzzfeeds of the world disseminating like social justice Johnny and Joanna Appleseeds. 

You know, like the 15-year-old Trump supporter in Maryland who had his ribs stomped by a gaggle of pissed high schoolers.

Or the 17-year-old in Florida who punched out another student for carrying a Trump sign into a high school gym.

Or the 11-year-old child  in Virginia who was beaten so severely for voting for Trump in a mock election he had to be taken to the emergency room.

Or the two Hispanic heroin traffickers who beat up a 45-year-old for simply waving an American flag and a Trump sign.

Or the man who was neatly choked to death on a New York subway for having the audacity to wear a Make America Great Again baseball cap.

And you especially didn't hear too much about the 23-year-old self-described "anti-bullying advocate" in New York who decided to physically attack a 74-year-old man because he supported the president-elect, for sure. 

Well, shit. Considering the amount of coast-to-coast violence being perpetrated by Trump-haters, maybe the wrong political contingent are wearing the symbolic safety pins, aren't they?

Lena Dunham continues to be horrible, horrible human being

For the most part, I really don't care about most celebrity social justice warriors. If Bobby DeNiro says he wants to fistfight Donald Trump or Madonna tries to incentivize the liberal base by offering oral sexual favors, it just kinda' floats past me and sticks to the walls like invisible bacteria. Now, Lena Dunham, however, is one of the few Hollywood starlets/media creations whose incessant political ranting and raving genuinely makes me want to puke (and no, it's not just because everytime I hear her name, I can't help but imagine her topless - FOR FUCK'S SAKE, NEVER, EVER CLICK THIS LINK.) The grating comedian - whose entire shtick is about bemoaning "white privilege" and "the patriarchy," despite the fact that she herself grew up in affluence in New York City - hasn't exactly taken Trump's election very well. In a desperate attempt to grab attention - I mean, highlight the injustices of the conservative base - she recently filmed herself hysterically railing against Paul Ryan's answering machine. This, after visiting reserve in Arizona to ask "the Canyon for some guidance" on how to deal with Hillary's loss and doing an about face on her "promise" to leave America upon Trump's election. In that, I suppose it's not too surprising that Dunham is hailed by the entertainment-media complex as some sort of post-post-postmodern feminist heroine. You know, the kind of heroine who laughs about sexually abusing her younger sister and lies about being raped.

White teacher loses cool and "n-bombs" class full of middle schoolers

Did you ever see that movie Freedom Writers, where Hilary Swank played an iron-willed teacher who was determined to teach inner city ruffians to appreciate art and stop shooting each other because she took them to a Holocaust museum? Well, that's a movie that promotes something I like to call "The Strong White Woman Messiah Myth." Dangerous Minds is another example of Hollywood disseminating the phony ideal, and so is Music of the Heart. Basically, it's this weird white liberal fantasy in which a strong, domineering female somehow manages to win the hearts and minds of "historically oppressed minorities" through emotional appeals and diversity-promoting "character building" exercises - i.e., shit that has been proven time and time again to not even remotely work in real inner city school systems. In that, I can take just a wee bit of Schadenfreude delight in a recent episode in a West Baltimore middle school in which one of those white woman messiah educators apparently had a mental breakdown in class and began calling her unruly students "idiots" and a bunch of "punk ass niggers" too stupid to accomplish anything. Even better, the incident comes on the heels of a new state report finding that male teachers are grossly underrepresented in the state's school systems. And with seven out of eight educators in the state female, isn't it about time we started seriously floating around the idea that a PROFOUND lack of male leadership might just be playing a role in the disastrous educational outcomes of Baltimore's predominantly black school children?

Amid astounding rape epidemic, Swedish officials fight for women's rights with counterproductive snow shoveling policies, hotline to report "mansplaining"

I don't know if you kids knew this, but apparently, Sweden has itself a pretty dadgum big problem with its female residents getting sexually assaulted. Of course just flatout saying "you know, a lot of them there Muslim refugee folks sure do like to stick their wee-wees inside our women without permission" is an inconceivable hate crime regardless of its facticity, so all those Swedish meatballs have instead tried to deflect the blame back to the Scandinavian country's native male population. Indeed, one of the Swedish government's attempts to close the gender gap was a policy that precluded "discriminatory" snow shoveling. Naturally, the Swedes realized the error of their ways when a massive snow storm hit, and the state's failures to clean up around construction sites and major roadways in favor of dusting off bicycle paths resulted in horrendous traffic jams. But don't you worry your pretty albeit just as capable heads, gals - the country's largest union is now attempting to make it up to you by offering a hotline to report instances of that most horrific of crimes - mansplaining. 

London police say hundreds of children are being abused, tortured and murdered  in African witchdoctor ceremonies

"Not all cultures are morally equal," Oxford University Professor Nigel Biggar wrote in his 2013 book In Defence of War. "And some are intolerably unjust, deserving to be invaded, not defended." Biggar's blunt declaration throws a big fat monkey wrench into the multiculturalism wehrmacht, because it hits upon a palpable truth we all recognize, but lack the moralistic backbone to ever acknowledge: quite frankly, there are some people out there who believe in shit so stupid and dangerous that giving it any sort of legitimacy in the form of post-globalization "tolerance" is pretty much the sociopolitical equivalent of piping honey bees into your anus and being shocked to high heavens when your asshole gets stung. The nonprofit Africans United Against Child Abuse recently demonstrated this point when they released a report finding at least 60 children in London were "strangled, burned, cut or starved" during ritualistic child abuse ceremonies in 2015 - with an additional 350 such cases misidentified or uninvestigated by U.K. police. As it turns out, these kids - virtually all of them the children of immigrants from Sub-Saharan nations - are being "exorcised" to cast out maladies like behavioral disorders and physical disabilities ... sometimes via such subtle homeopathic remedies as burning them with cigarettes, chaining them for 24 hours at a time and pummeling their teeny-tiny skulls with claw hammers. "Inevitably there will be further deaths of children relating to these safeguarding concerns because these deep-rooted belief systems result in tragic incidents," said Scotland Yard Detective Inspector Allen Davis. "The people doing the exorcism - self-appointed faith figures in a position of authority - they are exploiting vulnerable people, not just physically and emotionally but financially as well. People are paying quite a lot of money in order to rid of the 'demons.'"

Facebook blamed for Donald Trump's election

But opinion being presented as the God-given truth is still A-OK, though.

With "because she didn't run a campaign that effectively explained her policy ideas in a manner palatable to working and middle class Americans, primarily in non-urban epicenters" remains an unacceptable answer, the mainstream media has looked high and low for anything to blame for Clinton's loss. Well, it looks like pissy, aggrieved Hillary voters - perhaps realizing they can't cite 60 million Americans as alt-right neo-Nazis - have found the perfect scapegoat in Facebook. In a New York Times article penned by Zeynep Tufecki, the authoress declares that the ubiquitous social media empire's news algorithms bombarded users with a deluge of "fake news stories" concerning Mr. Trump, which Tufecki believes was enough to goad some of the more gullible readers out there into voting for him. (Because as we all know, Clinton supporters immediately writing off Trump voters as a bunch of backwoods retards incapable of practicing common sense totally isn't one of the reasons she lost.) In yet another New York Times screed, Jim Rutenberg chided Facebook for promoting - and please, do put on your finest "irony" helmets - "false narratives, fake news and aggressive efforts to delegitimize traditional journalism." Hell, the New York Times has become absolutely infatuated with the issue, publishing no less than five major articles - here, here, here, here and here - about how "fake news" imperils democracy over a five day period. Of course, none of the articles ever bring up the mounds of evidence against the mainstream media outlets concerning their brass-balled bias against Trump during the campaign - you know, really little things like CNN reaching out to the DNC to come up with "gotcha" questions against Republican candidates and feeding Clinton debate inquiries ahead of her meetings with Trump. Or The Washington Post hiring 20 full-time reporters to dig up as much dirt on Trump, when they didn't hire a single person to look into Clinton's shady doings. Or the NYT - my, why would a newspaper fundamentally owned by Mexico's wealthiest businessman have a vendetta against Trump? - actually allowing a writer to keep penning anti-Donald screeds even after he called for his assassination on Twitter. Considering the long track record of falsifications, fabrications and full-fledged bullshit that mainstream media outlets have been pumping up for years, I'd venture to guess the general public has more than enough reason to be suspicious of everything the big time cable news networks and publishing monoliths crap out. Indeed, the media bigwigs ought not be afraid of fake news destroying their precious, precious monopoly on "facticity" - rather, the blatant propaganda masquerading as "information" they've shat and shat all year long is doing more than enough to make sure their stranglehold on "the truth" weakens on a daily basis.

Insecure women hail thunder-thighed Barbie as crucial blow for feminism 

The more I think about, the more I'm convinced third-wave feminism is nothing more than some sort of mass aggrievement blob scraped off the collective hateful psyches of women who grew up in the late 1980s and early 1990s who were too fat, ugly or uncoordinated to be cheerleaders. After all, how else do you explain the downright juvenile ecstasy of this Glamour report about the release of a new Barbie doll modeled after Ashley Graham? According to reporter Christopher Rosa, the doll is "too perfect for words," and counts as some sort of body positive cult-of-personality victory simply because the doll doesn't have a thigh gap. "She gave millions of women (and men!) license to embrace their curves and drown out haters, which is fantastic," Rosa continues. "Little girls still idolize Barbie as the epitome of beauty; by putting Graham in that club, it helps them realize that size doesn't matter - you're perfect just the way you are." Yeah, that sounds like a hell of a message for elementary school America - don't try to improve yourself in any way and if anybody criticizes you for not giving a shit, cry and call them a bunch of misogynists. Strangely, we're not seeing much of an effort to expand that body-positivity tao towards boy-oriented toys, though - indeed, the entire action figure aisle at Target remains a multiverse of steroid addled WWE rasslers and Marvel Comics characters. And perhaps telling you everything you need to know, Mattel has made no efforts to produce a pudgy, bald or he-tittied Ken doll to complement the new jelly-rolled Barbie.

Brooklyn children bored out of their minds during drag queen indoctrination activity

I've always thought that elementary-aged kids were a whole lot more perceptive than most people give them credit for. They haven't had their brains completely turned into ideological Slush Puppies yet, and since they haven't hit puberty, their not guided by borderline self-destructive libido impulses. In that, the only thing they are beholden to is that which can maintain their notoriously short attention spans, and much to the chagrin of the Brooklyn Public Library, it looks like "Drag Queen Story Hour" isn't exactly something that's winning over the hearts and minds of our littlest Americans. Well, this write-up in The New Yorker gives you plenty of meaty, unintentionally hilarious chunks to chew on, from the mom who forces her six-year-old t0 watch a Barbie cartoon because it only has two male characters in it to the "entertainer" in palazzo pants who said female impersonators ought to replace magicians and clowns and who was aghast that a bunch of kindergartners didn't give a shit what "feminism" was. The article also has the single greatest one-two paragraph knockout blow I've read all year, which I have to quote in full:

"The drag queen Lil Miss Hot Mess came out, wearing a white sequinned tunic dress and matching heels, bright-pink tights, and a curly auburn wig (She has performed at Bushwig, a drag festival and at SFMOMA.) She declined to give her birth name but said that she is a graduate student in media studies at N.Y.U. She put on black owlish reading glasses, sat on a folding chair, and addressed her audience: "Can everyone say, 'When I grow up, I want to be a drag queen?'"

"The children just stared."

Well I'll be damned. There might just be some hope for our future after all. Oh, and in other transvestite/transsexual news involving children, Charlotte police announced that a transwoman attacked by three hatchet wielding purveyors of patriarchal hate actually knew her attackers ... in fact, she actually engaged in a sex act with one of them shortly before being attacked. And by the way, that sexual partner was a 15-year-old child.

Politico editor forced to resign after publishing competing ideologue's address online and encouraging readers to beat him to death with baseball bats

You probably read something over the last couple of days about a whole bunch of so-called "alt-right" accounts being purged from Twitter. Aye, the cash hemorrhaging social media monolith ain't fucking around, dropping everybody from WeSeachr founder Pax Dickinson to Myspace spank fodder Tila Tequila for what they consider promotion of neo-Nazi ideologies. Strangely, the powers that be in the media aren't too keen on going after alt-right haters, as apparent by the treatment of ex Politico national editor Michael Hirsch. Following National Policy Institute founder Richard Spencer's exile from the tweet-o-sphere, Hirsch took to Facebook to not only dox the white nationalist, but encourage his followers to take physically violent acts against Spencer on account of his ideology. "I wasn't thinking of a fucking letter," Hirsch wrote on social media. "He lives part of the time next door to me in Arlington. Our grandfathers brough baseball bats to Bund meetings. Want to join me?" Of course, even though Hirsch was the one advocating beating the shit out of someone because of their beliefs, mass media turd wads like CNN actually had the audacity to pen headlines like "Politico editor resigns after publishing address of extremist leader," because as we all know, harboring passive hateful ideologies is far more radical than telling people to actively invade someone's home and attack them with weapons. But then again, perhaps this gloriously hypocritical coverage shouldn't be deemed surprising in the slightest; after all, we are all well aware by now that politically motivated racial hatred isn't considered an equivalent sin across the color spectrum ...

Clearly, there is no bias at Team Twitter...

...and a few headlines that speak for themselves...

Barnard College offers coloring books to students upset over Hillary's loss

Old white woman films herself harassing Cedar Rapids cops to prove once and for all that black lives truly do matter

The Guardian declares the Internet "manosphere" a threat on par with ISIS

Montana Trump elector criticized for making jokes about gay people ... six years ago

According to F.A.I.R. survey, nearly two-thirds of Hispanics in America support Donald Trump's immigration policies

Hofstra law professor says electoral college is unconstitutional ... despite it being in the actual constitution

Car break-in inadvertently leads to dog being "rescued" from hot car

That bitch from Scary Movie fined after chihuahua she adopted found starving to death on city streets

Bitch from Sex and the City says she wants to move into woods, learn how to use gun to protect adopted daughter from Donald Trump

Detroit Lions player says highlight of college career was breaking Joe Paterno's leg

Atlanta area cop calls Trump supporters "dumb ass rednecks," probably won't get fired

Aghast viewers claim animal documentary promotes "rape culture"

Light skinned black woman on CNN calls darker skinned black man a "terrorist" for agreeing with Donald Trump's crime policies

Detroit newswoman resigns after telling colleague she's tired of covering "niggers killing each other"

British woman arrested in Dubai after reporting own rape

Under watchful eye of Sharia police, 15-year-old girl mercilessly beaten in Muslim mall

Man gets ass kicked by Justin Bieber

Kanye West says he would've voted for Trump, placed in psychiatric hospital just hours later

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