2017 NFL Power Rankings (Week 6!)

ESPN and Sports Illustrated can eat shit - these are the only pro football rankings anybody needs.

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

This Week's Episode:

"Oh, So This is Why TV Ratings Are Down ..."

THE ELITES

#01

Kansas City Chiefs (5-1)

Season Point Differential: +47

The Chiefs finally got bumped off the roll call of the unbeatens over the weekend, losing 19-13 to the Steelers at home. Alex Smith went 19 for 34 for 246 yards and one TD pass in the affair, but holy hell, what happened to K.C.'s run game? Not only did their defense implode and let Le'Veon Bell gut 'em for 179 yards, their own run game could only muster 28 total yards of offense altogether, with top back Kareem Hunt finishing the afternoon with a scant 21 rushing yards.

#02

Philadelphia Eagles (5-1)

Season Point Differential: +43

The Eagles came out on top against the Panthers on a back-and-forth Thursday night battle, ultimately clinching the W 28-23. Carson Wentz had another fantastic outing, going 16 for 30 for 222 yards and three touchdown passes, while the Eagles defense was able to force three interceptions off Cam Newton. The run game didn't look too shabby, neither, as Philadelphia outgrounded the Panthers by a 101 to 80 yard margin.

#03

Los Angeles Rams (4-2)

Season Point Differential: +41

In what could be a Super Bowl preview (no, for fuckin' real), the Rams managed to outpoint the Jaguars 27-17 last Sunday. Todd Gurley (116 yards on 23 carries) had another solid outing, but Jared Goff underperformed with just 124 yards and a solo TD on 11 completions. Thankfully, the Rams' special teams was there to help counteract the lackluster passing attack; not only did Pharaoh Cooper take the opening kick 103 yards to paydirt, Malcolm Brown also recovered a blocked Jags' punt for an easy six on the scoreboard.

#04

Minnesota Vikings (4-2)

Season Point Differential: +19

Well, it was a competitive game against Green Bay, up until the point Aaron Rodgers got carted off the field. After that, the Vikes went buck wild, collecting three interceptions off backup QB Brett Hundley en route to a facile 23-10 victory. Not that Case Keenum didn't do something for Minnesota's offense - he did finish the game 24 for 38 for 238 yards and a one-to-one TD-to-INT ratio, didn't he?

#05

Pittsburgh Steelers (4-2)

Season Point Differential: +16

One week after looking like he was half-retarded against Jacksonville, Big Ben bounced back in a big way Sunday. In the Steelers' 19-13 win over K.C., Roethlisberger went 17 for 25 for 252 yards and an even 1-to-1 TD-to-INT ratio. And Pittsburgh's run game looked fucking fantastic on both sides of the ball, amassing 194 ground yards on their end and holding the Chiefs' potent rushing attack to an astoundingly low 28 yards on the day.

#06

New England Patriots (4-2)

Season Point Differential: +13

Slowly but surely, the Pats are playing more and more like the team we all know and hate with a fucking passion. New England's latest win comes in the form of a hyper-controversial 24-17 "win" against the Jets, in which an obvious touchdown haul for New York was overturned as a fumble that flew out of the end zone. Stay tuned for this weekend's contest against Atlanta ... I'm sure they've got some downright Dick Dastardly shit planned for the big Super Bowl rematch.

#07

Green Bay Packers (4-2)

Season Point Differential: +12

That loud, aluminum-can-tab-sounding click you're hearing to the north is the echo of the entire state of Wisconsin collectively drinking themselves into oblivion following the aftermath of Sunday's game against the Vikings. Not only did they get blistered 23-10 by their arch rivals, they lost franchise QB Aaron Rodgers for what may be the remainder of the season with a broken collarbone. And if the performance of backup quarterback Brett Hundley (18 for 33 for 157 yards, one TD and three interceptions) is any indication, there may not be enough Old Milwaukee on the planet to quell the sorrows of cheeseheads home and abroad.

#08

Carolina Panthers (4-2)

Season Point Differential: +6

The good news about the Panthers' 28-23 prime time loss to Philadelphia last Thursday is that Cam Newton chalked up plenty of ground-based yardage, finishing the game with 71 yards and one touchdown on 11 carries. Unfortunately, Cam (28 for 52, 239 yards, one TD) also finished the game with a QBR of 40.0, thanks in no small part to those three interceptions he lobbed. And those two sacks - and nine after-the-pass QB hits - doesn't exactly bode well for the guy's longevity in an already historically injury-prone season ... 

Touchdown Jets! LOL, J/K. Fuck the Jets and everybody who likes them.

THE PLAYOFF HOPEFULS

#09

New Orleans Saints (3-2)

Season Point Differential: +29

In a live action remake of NFL Fever 2002 on the Xbox, the Saints and the Lions combined for an astonishing 90 points in Sunday's defense-deficient contest. Ultimately, Drew Brees and pals wound up with the upper hand, besting Detroit 52-38. If you're looking for an under-the-radar fantasy football pick up, you'd be wise to give N.O. back Mark Ingram a good look-see - he finished last Sunday's outing with 114 yards and two touchdowns on 25 carries.

#10

Seattle Seahawks (3-2)

Season Point Differential: +23

The Seahawks had a bye last weekend and will return this Sunday to go nose-to-nose with the 1-5 Giants. At this juncture in the season, the Seahawks are averaging 337.6 yards per game, making them the League's 16th ranked offense. And on the flip side of the field, Seattle is allowing 330 yards a contest, making them the NFL's 15th ranked defense overall.

#11

Buffalo Bills (3-2)

Season Point Differential: +15

The Bills were out of action last Sunday, but they'll be back this weekend to butt heads with Tampa Bay. Posting just 271.6 yards per game, Buffalo possesses the League's second-worst offense; allowing 322.4 yards a game, they fare much better and are currently slotted in as the NFL's 13th best defense.

#12

Atlanta Falcons (3-2)

Season Point Differential: +12

At the beginning of the third quarter, the Falcons were up 17-0 against the Dolphins. Of course, this being the same old Falcons, they somehow found a way to piss it all away and let Miami drop 20 unanswered points on them in the second half. If this story sounds slightly familiar to you ... well, it should. 

#13

Denver Broncos (3-2)

Season Point Differential: +11

In the biggest upset of the NFL season so far, the Broncos got dick slapped 23-10 by the formerly winless (and virtually receiver-less) Giants at home last Sunday night. If you're wondering how this happened despite Trevor Siemian outpassing the husk of Eli Manning's career 376 to 128 yards - well, that makes two of us, actually.

#14

Washington Redskins (3-2)

Season Point Differential: +4

In a surprisingly close contest, the Redskins just barely beat the now 0-6 Niners by a slim 26-24 final score. Credit Kirk Cousins' consistent passing for most of the victory. He finished the game 25 for 37 for 330 yards, two touchdowns and one INT, with leading receiver Chris Thompson (who is actually a running back) finishing the outing with 105 yards on just four catches (plus 33 rushing yards on 16 carries, but that's just an aside, really.)

#15

Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3)

Season Point Differential: +46

Despite Jacksonville winning both the numerical passing and rushing yardage war against Los Angeles, the Jags still succumbed to the Rams last Sunday, 27-17. Leonard Fournette (130 yards and one TD on 21 carries) and Blake Bortles (23 for 35 for 241 yards and a one-to-one TD-to-INT ratio) both had outstanding performances, but Jacksonville's special teams coverage completely shit the bed, giving up not one but two easy touchdowns for the Rams.

#16

Houston Texans (3-3)

Season Point Differential: +30

Deshaun Watson's rookie of the year - hell, maybe even overall MVP of the year - campaign continued in a 33-17 victory against the Browns last Sunday. The Clemson product went 17 for 29 in the win, finishing the outing with 225 yards, three touchdowns and one interception, with all three of his end zone strikes landing in the arms of separate receivers. And let's give that Houston D some credit - granted, it was the Browns they were playing against, but holding any aerial offense to just 113 yards after the sack yardage loss count is damned impressive anyway you slice it.

Go ahead ... try to count how many Jaguars players take a faceplant trying to catch this mofo.

THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK

#17

Detroit Lions (3-3)

Season Point Differential: +12

Some defensive and special teams snafus cost the Lions dearly in their 52-38 loss to the Saints. Despite racking up 312 yards in the air and three touchdown passes, Matt Stafford also got sacked five times for negative 31 yards and lobbed three interceptions - including a game-closing pick six to Cameron Jordan with just five minutes left in the fourth quarter. Add to that another two fumbles - including one that resulted in a quick Saints scramble into enemy end zone - and it kinda' becomes apparent why Detroit dropped this 'un, don't it?

#18

Baltimore Ravens (3-3)

Season Point Differential: -10

Baltimore came up on the wrong side of an overtime loss, dropping Sunday's tilt against Chicago 27-24 in extra innings (and for the record, can somebody tell me when the NFL shortened overtime play to just ten minutes, and do they plan on doing that shit in the playoffs, as well?) Joe Flacco, most notably, turned in one of his worst performances of the season in the loss, going 24 for 41 for 180 yards, no touchdown passes and two interceptions - including a 90-yard pick six tossed into the waiting arms of Adrian Amos late in the fourth quarter.

#19

Tennessee Titans (3-3)

Season Point Differential: -18

Marcus Mariota had a big game in the Titans' 36-22 win against Indianapolis. He wrapped up the affair 23 for 32 for 206 yards, one TD and one INT, with leading receiver Eric Decker collecting 88 yards on seven receptions. Tennessee can definitely credit their ground performance for the victory; the Titans managed to outrush the Colts 168 yards to 58, with DeMarco Murray and Derrick Henry each posting one TD run apiece.

#20

New York Jets (3-3)

Season Point Differential: -21

The Jets are going to be incensed about Sunday's "LOL, that touchdown was actually a fumble" call from now until the end of time, but that shouldn't take away from the team's fairly impressive overachieving against the defending Super Bowl champs in the weekend's 24-17 defeat. For starters, Josh McCown easily bested Tom Brady in the air, recording 354 yards and two touchdowns on 31 completions. I mean, sure, he also lobbed two interceptions and got sacked four times for minus 20 yards, too, but come on - this is one of those rare instances where a participation trophy is actually well-deserved.

#21

Arizona Cardinals (3-3)

Season Point Differential: -39

Hey, remember last week, when I wondered out loud if Arizona signing Adrian Peterson was a bad idea? Well, I reckon I can shut my goddamn whore of a mouth right now, seeing as how A.P. collected 134 yards and two rushing touchdowns in the Cards' 38-33 win against Tampa Bay Sunday. Shit, even Carson Palmer looked better than he had any right to be, lobbing the rock for 283 yards and three touchdowns. Keep that kinda' consistent offense rolling, and not only might this team make the wildcard round, they might even steal the NFC West crown underneath all our noses. 

#22

Miami Dolphins (3-2)

Season Point Differential: -23

Down 17-o at halftime against Atlanta, Miami managed to mount a 20 point come from behind victory Sunday. With Jay Cutler going 19 for 33 for 151 yards and two TDs (plus a solo INT), you can credit most of the win to the Fins' run game - more specifically, Jay Ajayi, who finished the contest with 130 yards on 26 carries.

#23

Cincinnati Bengals (2-3)

Season Point Differential: +1

The Bengals had a bye last weekend and will return Sunday for a pivotal AFC North clash against the Steelers. Averaging 311 yards a game, the Bengals are ranked 24th in overall offense, but allowing just 262.8 yards a contest, they currently possess the League's second-best defense ... you know, statistically, anyway.

#24

Oakland Raiders (2-4)

Season Point Differential: -2

The Raiders dropped a tough 'un against the Chargers last Sunday, losing a 17-16 intra-AFC West scrap at home. In his first game back from a back injury, Derek Carr went 21 for 30 for 171 yards, one TD and two interceptions, while the Oakland backfield marginally outrushed Los Angeles 109 yards to 80. We'll see if the addition of NaVorro Bowman does anything to spark the team ahead of tonight's pivotal intra-conference battle against the Chiefs - and if it doesn't, you REALLY have to start asking some questions about Todd Downing's job security. And, as always, if you care to relive all of the misery and disappointment of last Sunday's game, you can check out our FREE replay (sorta') of the Raiders' loss anytime you want right here.

Please, do feel free to add your own Chris Berman "WHOOP!" sound effects.

ANXIOUSLY AWAITING THE DRAFT

#25

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-3)

Season Point Differential: -3

Don't let the 38-33 final score fool you - in their loss to Arizona over the weekend, the Buccaneers were nowhere close to winning the game. Heading into the third quarter the Cardinals had amassed a 31-0 lead, and pretty much all of the Bucs' offensive production came in the form of garbage time points - although Lavonte David's 21-yard fumble return was kinda' cool, I guess.

#26

Dallas Cowboys (2-3)

Season Point Differential: -7

Although the Cowboys didn't take the field Sunday, they might as well chalk up their bye week as a loss. Why? Because a federal court upheld the League's initial six-game ban of Ezekiel Elliot, but wait a minute ... just when it looked like Texas' No. 1 domestic abuser not named "Steve Austin" was going to be out of action until December, another judge turned around and declared the other judge's ruling on the injunction invalid, so Ezey E will be allowed to play at least one more game this season before his fate is finally decided. Anyhoo, by the time this thing goes to print, we SHOULD have a firm idea whether or not we'll be seeing Elliot playing anytime soon. Or not. It's really 5o/50 at this point.

#27

Los Angeles Chargers (2-4)

Season Point Differential: -15

Thanks to a botched PAT attempt on behalf of the Raiders, the L.A. Chargers managed to muster a 17-16 last-second win against Oakland Sunday. Philip Rivers went 25 for 36 in the win, finishing the game with 268 yards and one TD strike. Running back Melvin Gordon also played quite well, racking up 83 yards and one TD running the ball and another 67 yards (plus another touchdown) as a receiver.

#28

Chicago Bears (2-4)

Season Point Differential: -43

The Bears got their second win of the year via a 27-24 overtime victory against the Ravens. Mitch "The Bitch" Trubisky went 8 for 16 for 113 yards and one TD pass, while Jordan Howard racked up 167 yards on 36 carries. And, uh, because I can't think of anything really noteworthy to say about the rest of the team's performance, how about we check out Adrian Amos' 90-yard interception return again?

#29

Indianapolis Colts (2-4)

Season Point Differential: -76

The Luck-less Colts stumbled again Monday night, dropping an AFC South tilt against the Titans 36-22. Jacoby "Whisker Biscuit" Brissett finished the game 21 for 37 for 212 yards and one TD, while Frank Gore ran for an underwhelming 49 yards on ten carries, with zero end zone visitations. But on the plus side, at least the O-line held up pretty well - not only did they prevent Brissett from getting sacked once, they only let Titans' defenders hit him after the pass four times ... which, I know, does't sound all that great, but considering what defenses earlier in the season have done to the poor chap, it's basically a minor miracle. 

#30

New York Giants (1-5)

Season Point Differential: -27

The Giants, amazingly, managed to avoid an 0-6 start by beating the Broncos in Denver 23-10 in a prime time clash that had their foes listed as 13.5-point favorites. Eli Manning's 128-yard passing day wasn't much of a factor, but the G-Men's rushing attack was (probably) the difference maker. At the final horn, the Broncos only had 46 yards on the ground, while New York nearly tripled their rushing production with 148 yards, with top back Orleans Darkwa recording 117 on 21 carries.

#31

San Francisco 49ers (0-6)

Season Point Differential: -33

It's kinda' ironic that the name of San Fran's QB is C.J. Beathard, because over the weekend, the team got beat hard by the Redskins in a 26-24 slugfest. Despite the guy who isn't Colin Kaepernick having a mostly ho-hum day with 245 yards and a one-to-one TD-to-INT ratio, at least long-time 49ers back Carlos Hyde looked pretty decent, registering two touchdowns and 28 yards on just 13 carries.

#32

Cleveland Browns (0-6)

Season Point Differential: -63

Yep, the Browns are still sans a victory following their 33-17 loss to the Texans. Quarterback Kevin Hogan went 20 for 37 for 140 yards, racking up one TD but lobbing three costly interceptions, while Cleveland's rushing attack - despite picking 134 yards of offense - couldn't convert any of 'em into points on the board. If the team comes up short against Tennessee this weekend, you have to expect some firings to go down. Which, in this case, begs the question: do NFL bylaws allow executives to fire an entire team at one time?

Read More

LIVE(ish) Play-By-Play from Week 6's Raiders vs. Chargers Game!

This Week's Episode:

".500 Ain't A Bad Place To Be (I Said)"

By: Jimbo X
JimboXAmerican@gmail.com
@JimboX

It's that time of year again, folks! As is the tradition here at The Internet Is In America, we're going to do our damnedest to give you LIVE play-by-play coverage of every single Oakland Raiders game of the season, including today's home stand against the Chargers. Join us LIVE on Sunday, Oct. 15 for our patented possession-by-possession coverage of week 6's Raiders vs. Chargers game, with the festivities beginning at 4 p.m. eastern time. There'll be updates every commercial break, so be sure to bookmark this shit prior to kickoff. And, as always, do us and yourselves a kindness and let all your fellow Raiders fans know what we're up to by posting links to our coverage on your social media pages. Hey, we're all in this together, remember (#SilverAndBlackLivesMatter)

11:54 AM - The big news is that Derek Carr will be BACK as the Raiders QB for this game. And also, a raging wildfire may choke everybody in the stadium to death, but still - Derek Carr is back, ya'll.

11:56 AM - Here's the Sunday morning injury report from ESPN: for the Raiders, linebacker Marquel Lee and fullback Jamize Olawale are both scratches. Running back DeAndre Washington and cornerback David Amerson are both listed as questionable. And cornerback Antonio Hamilton - who I've never heard of before, and I recap these games every fuckin' week - is officially on the IR. 

11:58 AM - And on the flip side of the ball, linebacker Jatavis Brown, running back Brandon Oliver and wide receiver Mike Williams are all listed as questionable. 

11:59 AM - The official Vegas line puts the Raiders as a -3 favorite, with the over/under set at 48.5. According to ESPN'S Football Power Index, the Raiders have a 62.2 percent chance of winning this afternoon's game.

12:01 PM - Time for the pregame stats. On average, the Raiders are posting 21.6 points per game and allowing 21.8. The Chargers are posting 19.8 points per game and allowing 23. 

12:02 PM - The Raiders are averaging 294.2 yards of offense a game - 203.6 passing and about 90 rushing. Their defense, conversely, is allowing 362.2 yards a game (237.6 passing and 124.6 rushing.)

12:03 PM - The Chargers are averaging 351.8 yards of offense a game - 273 passing and about 79 rushing. Their defense is giving up 375.4 yards per game (214 passing, 161.2 rushing.)

12:04 PM - The Chargers head into this game with a 1-4 record. The Raiders are 2-3 and currently riding a three-game losing streak. I'll be back around 4 p.m. for the kickoff - or then again, it is grocery day, so I might be a wee bit late for that. Don't say I didn't warn you.

4:28 PM - Chargers get the ball first.

4:29 PM - Third and eight. The pass is deflected by Denico Autry at the line of scrimmage. The Chargers gotta' punt.

4:30 PM - It flies out of the end zone. Flags are down.

4:30 PM - The Raiders get flagged ten yards for holding.

4:33 PM - Marshawn runs for about 15 yards on first down.

4:33 PM - Marshall Newhouse is being helped off the field. He's the Raiders' starting right tackle.

4:34 PM - Vadal Alexander steps in. And Carr's pass is an interception.

4:34 PM - Two flags are down. Trevor Williams returns it down to the OAK 10. The Chargers get penalized for an illegal block in the backfield.

4:35 PM - L.A. backed up to the OAK 30. Gordon hit behind the line.

4:36 PM - Second and 11. Brees with a hilariously bad incompletion on a would-be shuttle pass.

4:37 PM - Third and 11. And the pass to Henry is no good. The Chargers wheel out the field goal unit.

4:37 PM - LOL, and the kick is no good.

4:41 PM - Third and 1. Lynch gets more than enough to move the sticks.

4:42 PM - Roberts reels it in for eight.

4:43 PM - Second and two. Richard stutter steps for a new set of downs.

4:44 PM - Cooper hauls it in for seven.

4:44 PM - Richard hit behind the line for a loss.

4:45 PM - Third and six. Crabtree with enough to convert.

4:45 PM - A Charger is hurt. Time for some commercials.

4:47 PM - The injured L.A. player is Adrian Phillips. Marshawn wrestles for about four.

4:48 PM - Second and seven. Lynch with maybe a yard on the run.

4:48 PM - Third and six. The Raiders call a timeout.

4:49 PM - TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! A zipping pass to Michael Crabtree for 23 yards!

4:50 PM - The PAT is good. Raiders lead it, 7-0.

4:55 PM - Henry takes it to the LA 42 on an 18-yard run.

4:55 PM - Gordon with maybe two on the run.

4:56 PM - Second and eight. Gordon appears to have the first down, but flags are down.

4:57 PM - It's against the Raiders. 

4:57 PM - Second and nine. Gordon with six.

4:58 PM - Third and three. And Keenan Allen gets hit right at the line.

4:59 PM - Fourth and two. The Chargers are going for it.

4:59 PM - The pass is incomplete, so the Raiders will take over around their own 35.

5:00 PM - Crabtree drops the first down pass.

5:01 PM - Second and 10. Lynch runs for four.

5:01 PM - Third and six. Flags are down. Looks like a Charger jumped offsides.

5:02 PM - It's a false start call against Donald Penn. And that's the end of the first quarter.

5:05 PM - It's third and 11. Carr throws it away under a blitz. Raiders gotta' punt.

5:05 PM - Holton downs it at the LAC 7.

5:07 PM - Gordon with three on the run.

5:07 PM - Second and seven. Gordon with more than enough to move the sticks.

5:08 PM - Gordon runs for four.

5:08 PM - Second and six. Gordon hit right at the line.

5:09 PM - Third and five. And Keenan Allen goes down short of the first down marker. Chargers gotta' punt again.

Ah, the Black Hole. Where if you aren't texting or drinking  beer, it's because you're too busy imitating a gorilla.

5:10 PM - Raiders will take over around their own 25.

5:13 PM - Lynch with a 12 yard run on first down.

5:13 PM - Washington hit for a huge six yard loss.

5:14 PM - Second and 16. Cooper gets five.

5:15 PM - Third and 11. Joey Bossa forces a fumble on the sack, but at least the Raiders recover. Here comes King to punt.

5:15 PM - Flags are down. Never mind, they don't call the blindside block after all. Chargers will take over just shy of their own 30.

5:19 PM - Gordon with four on the run.

5:20 PM - Second and seven. Rivers throws it away on a blitz.

5:20 PM - Third and seven. Kennan Allen takes it to the SD 49 on an almost 30-yard strike.

5:21 PM - The deep pass is broken up. 

5:22 PM - Second and 10. Williams gets two yards on a short pass.

5:23 PM - Third and eight. And Ekeler makes enough to just barely move the sticks.

5:24 PM - Second and seven. Gates hauls it in for 17 yards.

5:25 PM - Gordon hit for a one yard loss.

5:26 PM - Third and nine. Allen hauls it in within the OAK 10. 

5:27 PM - Gordon picks up four. And here's the two-minute warning.

5:30 PM - Second and goal. The pass to Gordon is incomplete in the end zone.

5:31 PM - Third and goal. And Amerson stops Henry RIGHT at the goal line. That motherfucker couldn't have been any closer.

5:32 PM - Fourth and goal. And Gordon runs it in for six. The PAT is good. And we've got ourselves a 7-7 tie with 1:44 left in the first half.

5:36 PM - Washington goes down at the OAK 24. 

5:36 PM - Flags are down, so the Chargers re-kick the ball.

5:37 PM - Patterson takes the return up to the OAK 40. 

5:38 PM - Cooper gets five on a pass.

5:39 PM - Richard takes it past midfield. An eight yard gain.

5:39 PM - Amari Cooper with a jump ball down to the OAK 17.

5:39 PM - Holding on Oakland negates the 25-yard pick up. Good job, Gabe Jackson, you fuckin' schmuck.

5:40 PM - First and 20. The pass to Cook is incomplete, but flags are down.

5:41 PM - Pass interference against the Chargers gives the Raiders a new set of downs with about 30 seconds left in the half.

5:41 PM - Richard runs for 11.

5:41 PM - Richard takes it to the OAK 26.

5:42 PM - Second and 2 with 15 seconds left. The deep pass to Crabtree is incomplete.

5:43 PM - Third and 2 with nine seconds left. Incomplete to Cooper. But a flag is down.

5:43 PM - The refs pick the hanky back up.

5:44 PM - Giorgio out to kick. The Chargers call a timeout.

5:45 PM - It's a 44-yard attempt. It's right down the middle. And that will give the Raiders a 10-7 lead heading into halftime.

And that dude is clearly quite proud of his IRL meme skillz.

5:46 PM - Derek Carr is 9 for 14 for 82 yards and a 1-to-1 TD-to-INT ratio. Philip Rivers is 15 for 22 for 130 yards, but no touchdown passes.

5:47 PM - At the midway point, the Chargers have 30 yards rushing, with Melvin Gordon hauling in 29 of 'em plus a TD run. The Raiders have 42 yards rushing the ball, with Lynch leading with 49 yards on eight carries.

5:48 PM - The top receiver is Keenan Allen, who has 45 yards on five yards. Leading for Oakland is Michael Crabtree, who has 30 yards and one TD reception on two catches.

6:00 PM - Richard takes it up to around the OAK 40 on the kickoff. 

6:00 PM - Cooper reels it in for eight yards.

6:01 PM - Second and two. Washington slips behind the line. 

6:01 PM - Third and four. And Patterson gets enough to move the sticks.

6:01 PM - Lynch hit right at the line for no gain.

6:02 PM - We get an injury timeout for a downed Chargers lineman.

6:05 PM - Second and 10. Crabtree gets seven.

6:05 PM - Third and three. Crabtree reels it in for seven more and a new set of downs.

6:06 PM - Washington runs for two.

6:07 PM - Second and eight. And Washington appears to have enough to move the sticks.

6:07 PM - Washington with about two. Flags are down. It's a holding call against the Raiders. Yep it's Gabe Jackson again.

6:08 PM - First and 20. Roberts with a 15-yard pick up.

6:09 PM - Second and five. Lynch drops the pass.

6:09 PM - Third and five. Cook gets eight. Time to move the chains.

6:10 PM - Patterson runs for three.

6:11 PM - Second and seven. And the pass is intercepted on a deflection off Lynch. God fuckin' damn it.

6:13 PM - Gordon pushed out after a 19-yard gain.

6:15 PM - Second and nine. Gordon right at the line.

6:15 PM - Third and nine. And RIVERS GETS SACKED!

6:16 PM - Richard bobbles, but hangs on to, the ball and goes down at the OAK 20.

6:19 PM - Lynch runs for four.

6:20 PM - Second and six. Lynch runs for four more.

6:20 PM - Third and two. Looks like the shuttle pass only nets one yard. Time to punt.

6:21 PM - Benjamin fair catches it around the LA 25.

6:24 PM - Gordon with enough to move the chains.

6:25 PM - Gordon with a two yard run.

6:25 PM - Second and eight. Xavier Woodson-Lester with a great shoestring tackle at the line.

6:26 PM - Third and eight. AND THE RAIDERS FORCE A FUMBLE! Amerson recovers and the Raiders take over at midfield.

6:27 PM - A bad snap form Hudson and Carr has to hop on the fumbled ball.

6:28 PM - Second and 17. Roberts hauls it in for 11.

6:28 PM - Third and six. Crabtree gets three. 

6:29 PM - The Raiders are going for it. And that's the end of the third.

6:31 PM - Fourth and two. Incomplete to Crabtree.

6:32 PM - Chargers take over around their own 40.

6:33 PM - Ten yard gain for Henry.

6:33 PM - Williams with 11. 

6:34 PM - The deep pass to Henry is way incomplete.

6:35 PM - Third and six. A 15 yard pass to Mike Williams.

6:36 PM - Gordon with a minimal gain on the first down run.

6:37 PM - Second and six. Gordon hit right at the line.

6:37 PM - Third and six again. The Chargers call a timeout.

6:39 PM - A nine yard gain for the Chargers.

6:40 PM - The deep shot is out of bounds.

6:41 PM - Second and goal. And Gordon runs it in for an easy touchdown. 

6:41 PM - The PAT is good. Chargers lead it, 14-10.

6:44 PM - Raiders take over at their own 20. Lynch gets two on the run.

6:45 PM - Second and eight. A short four yard pass to Cooper.

6:45 PM - Third and four. Flag on the play.

6:46 PM - Offsides against L.A. That makes it a first down for Oakland.

6:47 PM - Refs have to reset the play clock. 

6:48 PM - Cook gets eight.

6:48 PM - Second and two. TOUCHDOWN RAIDERS! Patterson with a 50 yard run!

6:49 PM - A high snap, and Giorgio misses the PAT. Raiders lead it, 16-14.

6:52 PM - Gordon hit at the line on the first down run.

6:54 PM - Second and 10. Gordon bobbles it.

6:55 PM - Third and 10. Gordon stopped four yards shy of the first down. Chargers gotta' punt.

6:55 PM - Richard goes down around the OAK 25.

6:58 PM - Cooper with enough to move the sticks. But flags are down. An illegal formation call against the Raiders.

6:59 PM - First and 15. Lynch runs for about five.

7:00 PM - Second and 12. Incomplete and almost picked off.

7:01 PM - Third and 12. A hook and ladder nets 11 for Patterson. Still a yard shy. Raiders punt.

7:02 PM - And the Chargers' return man goes down at the LA 7.

7:03 PM - Henry takes it to the LAC 40. A 35-yard gain.

7:03 PM - Gordon hit after a two yard run.

7:04 PM - Second and eight. Henry with a big pick up - 23 yards.

7:05 PM - Gordon runs down to the OAK 26. A seven yard gain.

7:05 PM - And there's the two minute warning.

7:08 PM - Gordon with enough to convert.

7:09 PM - The Raiders call a timeout.

7:10 PM - Gordon with five.

7:11 PM - Second and 7. Gordon takes it inside the OAK 15.

7:11 PM - Third and three. Raiders take their final timeout.

7:11 PM - Gordon runs inside the 10 for a new set of downs.

7:12 PM - About a minute left. The Chargers take a timeout.

7:13 PM - Rivers falls down on purpose to get the ball inside the hash mark.

7:14 PM - Rivers takes a knee.

7:15 PM - Here comes the kicker.

7:15 PM - It's good. The Chargers win it, 17-16. 

7:15 PM - That's four losses in a row for the Raiders. With Oakland at 2-4, is it officially time to abandon hope for the season? Well, if they shit the bed against K.C. on Thursday night ... it might very well be.

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